Unsupportive wife

[abbmg15]

nasabihan na ba kayo na unsupportive wife kayo? I mean as much as I would like to support the decision making of my husband, I am just in the opposite.

We were both working abroad where we met (same company). we wanted to settle down so I decided to stay here in the Philippines while he still worked abroad. He is a contractual worker so he is back in a couple of months or so.

When I was still single, I was able to save money since I didn't have any responsibilities yet and my parents didn't force me to provide but I still help them. My bf (now husband) earns 3x as much as I do, he was able to buy an empty lot back in the province, improve their house, bought a business which is now managed by his siblings but doesn't have that much savings since he still provides for his family (parents and siblings). He also has a car (brand new) which was loaned which he will finish paying by end of 2015.

At first, i wanted to marry him after he finishes paying the car but since we are not so young anymore, we decided to get married anyway.

We got married early 2014, I told him to still continue to work abroad until he finishes the car debt and I will find a job here in the Phils. In that way, it will be easier for us to save money but still be able to pay for the car. He didn't want me to get a job since he wanted me to be available for him every time he goes on vacation since his contract as mentioned earlier, only lasts for a couple of months and will be on vacation in no time. So I decided to just stay home. We decided to conceive, and now were blessed as I am pregnant. He then decided to not go back abroad and just stay here and open up a business.

I was worried that we didn't have the capital and that I'm also going to give birth and that we still have to pay for the car. I asked him why not work abroad  and wait until i give birth and we finish paying for the car, at least we will be able to also save for the business. It was ok for me since the contract will not last for more than 3 months. he got so mad that he told me that I was an unsupportive wife. then I pointed out again all the things we need to pay and he told me that he has a little money. He mentioned that I still have my own savings when i was still single which we can use for the business and the car. I told him that the money I save I wanted to use for emergencies and I didn't want to use my savings in paying for his debt (car loan) Plus I have not worked for several months now so my savings is all I have. He told me that if it were other wives, they will be supportive to their husbands in a blink of an eye.

I felt guilty afterwards because it seems that i'm selfish and didn't want to argue anymore. we are still not settled yet but I just let him be and give half of my savings.

I do love my husband, but sometimes I have difficulties in understanding him and his irrational decisions.

[mslcgrey]

I'm not in the same situation as yours but i do understand your predicament sis.
Businesses especially if simula pa lang for me should not be used immediately as your sole income lalo na with your situation na may car loan pa kayong binabayaran and you are pregnant. Hindi ba siya pwede maghanap ng work dito sa pinas?
I guess ayaw ka lang niya iwan kaya ayaw niya na mag-abroad right now. I also hope na right now he no longer supports his family financially.   
It is a little unfair din for me for him to expect na you will give up your savings for his car loan. Syempre pinaghirapan mo yan but you are married and part of our responsibility is to support our husbands. Siguro mas kausapin mo siya and  explain to him your concerns. Ask mo rin ano plan niya if unfortunately hindi agad kumita ng malaki yung business he is planning to open.
Basta pag-usapan nyo ng maayos. Lastly, ask God for guidance and wisdom for the two of you.

[aquacharly]

You are going to face a lot more sama ng loob if you 2 do not improve your communication skills.

Sa cuento mo, you voiced out your opinion about your finances, and he got mad. Just like that.  I assume you weren't sarcastic/demeaning when you pointed out the list of payables you face as a couple.  Now, you can't even speak up.  If you don't do something now -- ganyan ang communication blueprint nyo forever.  He will get mad and bully you into following what he wants.  You both lose since well, you may be the better financial strategist. 

I do not mean to alarm you, but you may have married an emotional abuser.  He is now already controlling you, removing your props of self empowerment & self/definition:  your job, your savings.  He is manipulative by blaming you as being unsupportive (you are "bad" compared to all other wives, sabi nya -- how does he know that?).   So  you focus on feeling guilty & defensive, instead of focusing on his being unfair.    Abusers seek to make the abused "lose their voice", lose their props so madali nila ma control. 

How dare he get mad, when your issues are easily sorted out by numbers?   You have to make a stand NOW.   Your "retreat"  is not going to make your couple dynamics better. Band-aid approach lang yan.

Take note:  There are no abusers where there are no victims.  Force him to sit down to objectively crunch the numbers.   Abusers actually are scared people, that's why uunahan ka, and they have their manipulative behavioral tricks to break you.  Abusers aim to make their spouses "small." --  "small" they can live well with.    Kung sa tingin mo eh maliit ka, helpless, at parang "1 inch tall"  as the space between your thumb and pointer --  yan, yan ang objective ng abuser -- pag maliit ka na emotionally and mentally -- kayang kaya ka na.

Make him talk with you now.  May takot  at respeto pa yan sa yo now, you can still make him listen. Discuss your financial projections, and come to an agreement on how  you 2 BOTH will handle big decisions later on, not just financial issues.   Make it clear that getting mad,  refusal to objectively discuss, blurring the issue by finding fault with you -- is not going to work with you.   You must be firm now with your boundaries, or else find yourself 1 day soon inaapak-apakan ka na.

Well, that is just my take on your cuento.  Of course, your post isn't even .01  percent of your couple dynamics.   I may be entirely off, what do I know anyway?  Except that... Once upon a time, I resorted to  "band-aids" & suffered a couple of years of abuse, until I retrieved my brains out of the freezer & got back my old self back in place.   Lumaban ako. 

Take care of yourself. 

[imbisibol_]

speak to your husband in a language he will understand.  merely saying "we didn't have the capital and that I'm also going to give birth and that we still have to pay for the car" is vague to the minds of most men.  make a simple excel spreadsheet projection.  show how much better off you will be with Plan A (him continue working abroad) and Plan B (him staying home).  put in numbers for capital outlay of business you are planning (rent, wages, supplies, utilities, taxes etc.).  put in numbers for your maternity check-ups, hospital stays, possible caesarian procedure.  put in numbers for the car's monthly payments, etc.  put in numbers for vacations, entertainment, dining out, etc.  no one can argue with numbers.  if he still does, then he is narrow-minded. 

to go further, make a clear and definitive PROS and CONS list for the two plans as well.  In the CON side, highlight and embelish how much you will miss his presence as well.  In the PRO side, negate that a little with the relatively short length of his contract (3 months). 

the trick is not to make him think Plan A is YOUR idea.  establish that you and him are on the same side.  you're merely deciding the better of two options.   

[Girltalker2]

TS, paano ka naman naging unsupportive wife kung ikaw mismo ginive up mo ang puede mong maging career dahil gusto nya lagi kang available para sa kanya?

Ang nakakainis lang, since ikaw mas nakakaintindi, ikaw pa dapat ang umunawa sa kanya.  Kung ikaw unsupportive wife para sa kanya, I don't see him being a supportive husband either. Gusto nya ikaw ang nakatengga for him, pero pagdating sa sino ang sagot kung pahirapan na, ikaw parin?  Paano naman yun?

Ako kasi naniniwala ako, may K sya patigilan ka ng work kung hindi sya aasa sa savings mo. Since pinatigil ka nya, bakit nya kelangan kunin ang kaunting naipon mo? Simple reason - hindi sya marunong maghandle ng finances.  Mukhang ganun ang kinalakihan nya kaya lahat ng ipon nya napupunta sa ibang tao kaya sanay din sya kung wala syang ipon/work, sa iba din sya aasa.  I hope you can help change his mindset kasi hindi ok ang ganyang thinking.

Mag-agree kayo sa target savings inyo per year at kung BAKIT.  Nang sa gayon, hindi kayo laging dudukot sa savings mo kung wala syang trabaho.

[iam.Arianna]

OT lang po!

Sa lahat po ng nagreply sa thread na toh, TWO THUMBS UP po ako sainyo! Galing nyo po mag advice. very professional po kayo magsalita.. and talagang may matututunan po si TS sa mga sagot nyo lalo na ngayong preggy sya mahirap ang emosyonal na pinagdadaanan nya.. at kameng mga silent reader ng thread na ito.. God bless po!

[patriciaheart]

Sis baka hinde naman nya sinasadya yung sinabi nya, pero sige sabihin na natin na he meant it,, then I think you can find other ways to earn at home, wag lang night shift kasi preggy ka. The excel sheet is good and if he is considerate then he will take time to look at it. My husband is not the same though,, he refused to look at the numbers and it really hurt me, tipong sh!t sakalin ko nalang kaya ito ano, lol pero it all fell in to place when I kept my mouth shut and started to actually do something about it. Now, hormonal ka and prone sa mood swings,, and prone mag nag SO I suggest to talk to the baby about feelings, talk to God, but wag kay husband kasi I think he is also stressed. Wag lang padalos dalos. Attract positivity, it does not hurt and it works.

[princessrio]

you are not an unsupportive wife.

you and your husband is not meeting eye to eye. you are seeing the bigger picture.. the bills.. the debt. ano ba nakikita nya? bakit ayaw na nya bumalik abroad if it will only last for 3 months? business should not be the main/sole source of income if nagsisimula pa lang. little money will not suffice, especially if there are bills to pay and if there's baby on the way. plus, major lifestyle changes will have to be done abruptly. is he ready for that? both of you should sit down and list all the monthly expenses, your target savings, etc.

the way i see with your post also, you and your husband has communication problems. you will not resolve the problem by just giving him half of your savings so as not to argue anymore. what about the other half? pag nag-away ulit kayo, to avoid argument, ibibigay mo na lang din? it doesn't solve your problem.

mukhang behind the unsupportive wife issue, you and your husband has more than that.

i am also stay at home. i have my own personal savings. my husband and i have our savings as a couple. our son has his own. i don't disclose to my husband where my money is and how much. hindi sa nagdadamot ako pero that money is intended for emergency situation.. like kung mawalan sya ng work at naubos ang savings namin as couple.. or kung nagkaroon ng health emergency at sobrang kulang ang kaperahan namin.. or kung maghiwalay kami, anong pera ang gagamitin ko pangsimula ko. these are things that i want to be prepared of.

goodluck sis and congratulations on your pregnancy! 

[outandaboutph]

Depende talaga iyan sa partner sis. Sa amin kasi even before kami ikasal, usapan na talaga namin walang magwork abroad gaano man kami maghirap dito sa Pinas. Ang sa akin pa nga, kung aalis siya, huwag na siyang babalik kasi wala na siyang babalikan. Sobrang unsupportive di ba? Especially kung ang reason niya kaya niya gustong umalis eh dahil may mga anak na kami and hindi na enough income dito. Pero NO parin, kasi alam ko matindi ang kapalit if ever isa sa amin ang umalis.

[langley]

You can say your concerns to your husband pero the final decision eh sa husband mo pa din.
Let him have the final decision. Magtiwala ka lang sa asawa mo. Kahit hindi mo maintindihan at hindi ka pabor sa desisyon niya, suportahan mo. Wag mong isipin ang future o kung anuman ang mangyayari. Tandaan mo na hindi natin kontrolado ang mga bagya-bagay kaya stop worrying.

Magpasalamat ka pa sa asawa mo dahil instead na iwan ka niya dito at bumalik sa ibang bansa eh mas pinili niya na kasama ka. Ngayon do your wifely duties. Asikasuhin mo ang asawa mo. Providing for the family is the man's job kaya hayaan mo na siya ang dumiskarte.

Suportahan mo. Be pleasant. Ipagluto mo. Ipaglaba. Linisin mo ang bahay niyo. And at night (kung kaya mo pa kasi buntis ka) give him good sex.

Pag pinangunahan mo ang asawa mo sa mga desisyon niya, disaster 'yan. Pwedeng mambabae ang asawa mo kasi hindi ka naman supportive. O pwedeng maging passive siya at mawalan ng lakas ng loob kasi kinokontra mo siya.

[khriseeee]

^wow, so she doesn't get a say over the money she's earned and saved? She doesn't get any insight on how their family will survive? No outlook to her and her baby's future but save for obeying the husband?

It's not that she's worrying without any reason, all that she's stated are valid concerns and her husband cannot give her any guarantee on the life he can support.

I guess it all boils down to what your view of a marriage is - which looks like it's the wife's duty to submit to the husband. I view marriage as a partnership.

Providing for the family is NOT the man's job, it can be both husband and wife's role.

[ri-anne]

Sis, there are lots of nice insights and inputs here from our other sisses.

First of all, you are not an unsupportive wife. You are just concerned of your family's future and security. I think maybe your husband is, too, although magkaiba siguro kayo ng way how to reach that goal.

magkaiba rin kami ng hubby ko pagdating sa paghandle ng finances...so kung at the start of your marriage issue nyo na yan, believe me, magiging issue nyo pa rin yan along the road throughout your marriage...kelangan nyo matutong magcompromise.
Like you, start of our marriage, ako yung maraming savings from working abroad..my hubby andaming loans kelangang bayaran.

Anyway it's in the past now. ang ginagawa ko and what works for us is a mixture of both sis imbisibol and sis langly's advice

I agree with imbisibol -- put figures in everything. Ex, don't just say "may kelangan pang bayarang ganito, ganyan..."  be specific with the amount. Yes, spreadsheet or ako kahit nakasulat sa papel, naka-total lahat para nakikita nya. Men are visual beings eh.
This in itself already works 90%..
But if there are times it doesn't, then i let my hubby make the final decision. And just pray. Lol....i just trust that gagawan nya ng paraan whatever needs to be done..and he usually does naman...
But then again, i suggest do the other one first. Lol!

[googoo]

To the TS:  Take everything here with a grain of salt.

At the end of the day, you know your husband better than we do.  I honestly do not understand the family dynamics of Filipinos when it comes to providing financial support to the whole family when the siblings has the brawn, and (hopefully) education to fend for themselves.  Why again was the business being managed by the siblings when it could have been yours to continue?

You may also want to try and explain things in a manner that your husband will understand.  Don't we tend to be emotional when we are pregnant?    Baka he thinks you are being a "girl" lang.  It might help to change your approach with regard to explaining why you strongly believe working abroad and finishing off your debts would be more cost efficient for both of you.  Perhaps you can suggest that while working abroad, you can also start a small business here so when it is already stable, he can come back and there is not much risk involve.  Using your last savings meant for emergencies, I agree, is not wise.  Pero men are men... What they say goes... Or so they think.  Diskarte mo narin kasi yan.

[caterpillar-girl]

Honestly, if I viewed my marriage the same way some wives viewed theirs, I will go insane. I really will. Like khriseee, I think of marriage as a partnership. Merely submitting to the husband, to my mind, is not respecting him. It's being lazy, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And it's actually insulting him. You insult him because you make him feel like he married someone beneath him, instead of someone who is his equal, his BETTER half. But whatevs. To each her own.

Moving on.

TS, I think you were right in your strategy. Stay abroad and work until all debts are paid, and the pregnancy is done, and the business has SOME capital to start with. Too bad your husband didn't see it that way. I could be wrong, but to me, supporting a husband means helping him steer the family towards stability and security. It's not about shutting up and just watching destruction unfold. You could be the wind in someone's wings, but if the wings are broken, what's the use of the wind? Shouldn't you fix the wings first, replace the parts that don't work, AND THEN you call on the winds to help you fly. Or something like that. 

So to me, what you could do is talk to him in a calm manner. Men sometimes get defensive when backed into a corner. Maybe that's how he feels now, like his options are running out and the only measure of control he has is to lash out on you, no matter how well intentioned you are. So talk to him as clearly, but as calmly, as you can. Make him feel you appreciate his efforts. State the good things that ARE present - the fact that he's thinking of the family's welfare, the fact that all of this is really for the family, the fact that he's willing to work hard, and he's not just sitting around, doing nothing. Thank him for all that, and then that's when you present your case. Good luck!

[Priceless]

It's so easy for us to say, tama si TS and that dapat mag stay yung hubby nya abroad to be able to earn money to provide for his family. Pero I hope you also spare a kind thought for the husband, or, to cast a wider net, those that work abroad away from their families to earn a living, because it's not always a bed of roses. Sometimes, the money is just not worth the pain - mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Perhaps the husband has just had enough. Maybe in his mind he's worked everything out na mas marami pa syang kikitain (minus the hardship) if he stays in the Philippines.

I would say however, the more important issue here is the communication between husband and wife. Mukhang nasa Plan B na si husband, pero hindi pa pala napag-usapan at napagkasunduan ang Plan B. Wala namang masama to decide na mag-stay dito, and perhaps ito ang pagkukulang ni husband - to explain in a clear manner, kung paano nya ma-su-sustain ang living standards niya at ng pamilya nya with the business that he wants to (or has) put up. And maybe he's made a decision to stay here and to start a business - I don't think its too late for TS to contribute to growing this business, especially since that your future (and your personal savings) is on the line here.

When it comes to his and your (separate) savings, don't you think it's about time you guys talked (and agreed) about how much really is at stake? Tama yung suggestions dito, that you really have to write it down and see kung ano ano ba talaga ang mga expenses at ano ano ang mga income na pumapasok sa inyo. Sometimes, pag nasa abroad ang isa sa mag-asawa and they just send money once a month like clockwork, they don't really see the details at kung ano anong pag-si-cirko ang ginagawa para mapagkasya ang budget. And it's easy to forget na once you stop working and start running a business of your own, nawawala ang isang reliable income source - and hindi ganun ka stable (compared to being employed and getting a salary) pag sarili mo ang negosyo. Again, it's a matter of discussing & communicating on a very objective and factual manner all these with/to your husband.

Finally, when it comes to your own personal savings, does he really have to know everything, down to the last centavo of what you've saved? Do you keep check of what you actually spend on, using your joint income vs. your savings? Have you identified all your joint/household expenses and agreed on how you plan to pay for them?

[abbmg15]

hello mga sis... thanks po sa lahat ng reply... i just needed some outside point of views...

@googoo - nung nahawakan n nung siblings niya, ayaw na ipahawak sa kanya ng mother niya. kasi alam mo naman sa pinas nakapag abroad lang kala nila madami ng pera. before my mom was telling me na he might be a good son, but will he be a good husband? kaya nga late 30's na siya nakapag asawa kasi nga dami umaasa sa kanya, mabait nga siya at mapagbigay. winarningan na ko ng nanay ko na lugi naman ako kung siya madaming responsibilidad since siya yung "nakakaangat" sa pamilya nila sa probinsya meaning nakapag abroad, ako naman walang iniintindi kundi sarili ko lang. hindi kami mayaman pero we live way more comfortable than them. baka nga daw mainis pa saken yung mother niya kasi nag asawa na yung anak nila.

back to the topic- we talked, naiintindihan ko naman na ayaw niya na talaga bumalik s work since pareho kami ng company, iba talaga ang pressure nung position niya kaya nga malaki ang sweldo. saka ayaw niya magkahiwalay kami (though same foreign company, magkaiba yung branch so parang LDR pa rin kami before)

so i just decided to support him, nasa rough planning pa lang yung business. i have not shelled out any money yet. nabanggit ko na rin ito s parents ko dati kasi sobrang nadepress ako so sabi nila ang conjugal property ay mga earnings/ assets na naobtain niyo habang mag asawa at hindi kasama anything prior. sabi ng mom ko sabihin ko daw na nasa kanya na lahat ng pera ko para walang magalaw sa "emergency funds" ko kasi baka sa huli, ako pa magbayad ng panganganak ko at least may panggastos ako.

mabait naman ang asawa ko saka pursidido talaga sa business na itatayo niya. pray lang ako ng pray na sana maging ok n lahat pati n si baby walang complications para
hindi madaming gastos.

thanks po ulit!

[loveleah]

Kudos sa decision mo TS. As long as nagkakaintindihan kayong mag asawa, you will find a way to work things out. Think of it as part ng hump ng relationship ninyo, since he decides to stay and you decide to support him all the way, face whatever challenge there is specially sa finances. Use all your resources para may pagkakakitaan kayo while here sa Pinas. Good luck and God bless Sis!

[abbmg]

i have been contemplating if i'm going to update the thread pero kasi wala na akong masabihan ng problema ko kasi nahihiya ako sa family ko.

from the time i started this topic until now ay hindi pa rin tumatakbo yung business na ginagawa ng asawa ko. i have been on panic mode na kasi hanggang ngayon wala pa kaming pumapasok na income at papalapit na ng papalapit ang schedule ng panganganak ko since i am on my third trimester.

to continue on the story, yun nga i ended up giving half of my savings bago umuwi yung asawa ko sa probinsya kasi dun niya ginagawa yung business. so i was left with my parents and siblings telling them na susunduin niya ako after 1 month. nung una, ok lang sa akin kasi he said na he is expecting that everything will be up and running daw by end of november, pero hanggang ngayon andun pa rin siya sa province kasi hindi pa nga natatapos yung ginagawa niya. mag 2 months na at hindi pa din niya ako sinusundo. everyone in our house are asking kung nasaan na ang asawa ko, bakit hindi pa siya bumabalik sa trabaho, saan ako manganganak, naghiwalay na ba kami, binibigyan pa ba ako ng sustento, ano ang pinangbabayad sa car loan since wala namang siyang income. my usual replies are, sinasabi ko na lang na bago mag Christmas ako susunduin dito, busy pa sa business project niya sa province, baka sa hospital malapit samin ako manganak na lang, hindi kami hiwalay busy lang talaga siya, may ipon pa siya kaya may sustento ako at may extra pang ipon pinangbabayad sa car loan. tapos yung kuya ko ang sabi saken totoo ba yun (yung sustento part) kasi mukha daw pinagtatakpan ko lang ang asawa ko.

pero ang totoong status, everytime tumatawag ako sa asawa ko hindi siya makapagbigay ng date kung kelan siya uuwi, wala pa talaga akong hospital na papanganakan kasi yung hospital na affiliated ng company namin before (when we were still working abroad) kung saan sana ako manganganak ng libre ay maeexpire na kasi matagal na kaming hindi nag renew ng contract so i will request na sana iextend nila yung benefit kahit man lang hanggang sa manganak ako para di ko na isipin ang gastos (2 mos after ng expiration ang due date ko), yung binigay ko na savings ko ang ginagamit sa panggastos niya sa business pati na sa car loan at since then wala pa siyang nabibigay na sustento sa akin. totoo naman talaga kuya ko na pinagtatakpan ko lang siya pero asawa ko pa rin yun, hanggat maaari ayaw kong may masabing masama laban sa kanya. ni hindi ko rin masabi sa kanila na nabigay ko na half ng savings ko sa asawa ko.

there have been a lot of arguments na sana ireconsider niya kahit isang contract man lang kasi nga ayaw ko na problemahin yung gastos sa panganganak ko kasi pede marenew ulit yung benefit sa hospital. i told him na wala na akong pera, i tested him sabi ko madami dinagdag na vitamins at may vaccines pa so kelangan ko ng pera. then he asked san na napunta yung natira kong savings, so i told him i don't want to spend anything anymore kasi nga malaki na din yung nailabas kong pera para sa kanya plus i have been giving my share dito sa parents ko kasi dito ako tumutuloy telling them na sa sustento niya galing yung share ko kahit naman hindi. tapos ayun nga he was telling me na hindi pa rin talaga ako naniniwala sa ginagawa niya, na konting tiis lang daw pasensya na at nag please pa siya sa akin kasi nahihirapan na siya sa ginagawa niyang business, wag ko masyado dibdibin mga comments ng family ko. na hurt ako kaya sinabi ko sa kanya ang laki ng sama ng loob ko kasi yung pera na binigay ko pinangbayad lang pala lahat ng utang tapos tiwala siya kasi may pera ako na magagastos. humingi ako mula dun sa binigay kong pera wala akong napala. sabi ko sa kanya pakiramdam ko ako lang namomroblema sa panganganak ko. then ayun nagalit na naman, hindi ko macontact for 1 month, di sumasagot ng fone, pinapatayan ako ng fone. there was a time na nagbleed ako di ko siya macontact, so i sent a message sa fb sa kapatid niya ang sinabi lang saken mainit daw ang ulo ayaw makipag usap. ending ay hindi ako kinamusta pati si baby. pinalipas ko yung 1 week tapos tinawagan ko siya buti sinagot, i said that my parents are looking for him, yun hindi pa rin niya alam daw kelan siya uuwi, kasi ngayon hindi na niya matapos yung business kasi naubos na yung funds tapos baka daw hindi na mahulugan sa ngayon yung sasakyan saka 1 beses na lang siya kumakain kasi nga wala na daw siyang pera. so ang immediate concern ko is bakit hindi siya makikain man lang sa mga kapatid niya, ayaw daw niya na mamalimos. ang sagot ko lang ay ginusto mo yan eh. sinabi na din niya sa mga kapatid niya na hindi muna mahulugan yung sasakyan. nakakainis pa dito sa mga kapatid niya puro pictures sa FB na pinangangalandakan yung sasakyan niya na parang kanila, may mga comments pa ng iba asking permission from his brother na makikisakay daw, tapos ayun hindi man lang siya tulungan para man lang mairaos itong last year na pagbabayad. ang gagaling gumamit at magyabang, pagbayaran na hindi man lang mag abot. naluma na nga sa mga kapatid niya yung sasakyan kasi nga nasa abroad kami pareho when he got the car loan. basta nakakainis lang.

civil na yung pag uusap namin ngayon, hindi na sing sweet like before. tinatry ko na wag maawa baka maibigay ko pa sa kanya ang natitira kong pera pero i have my mindset na sa baby ko yun gagastusin. tinatry ko rin na wag na pansinin ano sabihin ng parents ko kasi lagi lang akong nadedepress pag dinidibdib ko yun, which ends up in me crying a lot which is almost every night. ang hirap kasi andito ako sa parents ko hindi talaga maiwasang hindi maging affected sa mga comments nila. hinihintay ko na lang talaga na lumabas yung baby para makabalik nako sa work. wala na akong pakialam kung ayaw man ng asawa ko na bumalik ako sa work since hindi naman niya tinupad yung sabi niya na kaya niya akong buhayin kahit wala akong work. siguro this will change everything, ang hirap talaga pag hindi kayo magkasundo sa mga desisyon. my mom said that she is willing to take care of my daughter daw habang magwork ako kasi mahirap daw umasa sa ganung asawa na walang kasiguraduhan mga plano at supportive sila na mapagpatuloy ko ang career ko para hindi ako maging dependent sa asawa ko.

please pray for us mga sis, sana maapprove yung request for extension ko sa hospital para less gastos to think about. nakakuha na din ako ng contact for a counseling sa women's crisis center, still thinking kung kelan ako magpapaschedule. like what sis aquacharly mentioned before, it's emotional abuse at form din yun ng violence against women.

thank you for your time spent in reading my story.

[Girltalker2]

TS, I am so sorry sa kinahinatnan ng ng situation mo.

Alam mo naman na you tried your best to be a supportive wife.

Pansin ko lang sis, bakit di ka nya mabisita kahit sandali lang?  Mahal ba pamasahe?  Yung kotse, san ginagamit sa probinsya? Can you borrow it muna then ipa rent out sa Manila para may income na mapunta naman sayo?

Pero swerte ka parin sis kahit papano na at least andyan parents mo para sumalo for you. Tapos the good news is, may plano ka. Para at least hindi ka lagi nagw-worry.  Hindi maganda sa baby na lagi kang nagw-worry.  Good luck and will pray for you and your family.

Pag pinangunahan mo ang asawa mo sa mga desisyon niya, disaster 'yan. Pwedeng mambabae ang asawa mo kasi hindi ka naman supportive. O pwedeng maging passive siya at mawalan ng lakas ng loob kasi kinokontra mo siya.

Hindi naman ni TS pinangunahan ang asawa nya, supportive pa nga sya and yet til now, sya ngayon ang kawawa, nawalan nanga sya ng work/career, money and now sya parin sasagot sa lahat ng gastusin ng baby nya.

In hindsight, kapag kasi pamilyado na ang tao, hindi mo puede i-asa sa isang tao lang ang decision. Tao lang sya at nagkakamali din. Kaya kailangan DALAWA silang magdecide kung saan BOTH sila comfortable. It was unfair to TS na hubby lang nya nagdecide kahit hindi comfy si TS, tapos sa bandang huli, si TS pa ang magsuffer.

Masyadong malaking risk ang tinahak ng hubby ni TS, more than he can take and now he expects TS to give endlessly ulit without any regard to her situation. 

[glamorosa_09]

At least sis, like what girltalker said, you did your best to become a supportive wife. Kahit ako ganun yung gagawin ko, support him to support our family. The end goal is to support the family. And at first, you thought you and him are on the same page.

I get what langley said. Sometimes you just got to allow your husband to commit a mistake, so this mistake could make him a better person. That is, if he learns from it. And if he does not care to learn at all,] then the ball is yours to take. Hirap kasi when they feel thwarted eh, baka magbuild ng resentment sa loob. Lalo na kung maganda yung intent nila.

But for TS' situation, I think the question now is not, "Did he make the right decision?" I guess the more appropriate question is "Does he really love and care about you and your unborn child?" Another question is, "main goal ba talaga nya na suportahan ang pamilya nyo at may balak ba talaga syang gampanan ang responsibilidad nya bilang ama at asawa?" Simpleng tanong lang that could make you feel how concerned he is and how worried he is, hindi nya magawa. Parang gusto nya na sya lang ang unawain mo. Wala pang isang taon ang marriage nyo nyan ha.

The way I see it, whether bumalik sya o hindi, you can stand on your own feet. And you have your family of origin na dependable and who deeply cares about you and the baby. I hope and pray na magrant yung request mo of extension for your benefits. It's not going to be easy, but you have your baby and family and God with you.