Ex-Girlfriend Problems

[silver_crescent]

Hello! Kindly bear with me, medyo mahaba sya.. 

My bf and I have been together for 3 years now.  In-add ko yung ex girlfriend nya sa FB, just to have a background check kay bf nong nanliligaw pa lang sya. May bf sya non and di naman nagpaparamdam sa family ni bf though nagccomment pa rin sila with each other’s posts. Tas nong naging kami, dun naman sya naging single. Napansin ko na basta may post yung family members ni bf, nagla-like/comment sya agad agad. Like parang ang awkward na magcomment pa ako sa thread ng usapan nila ng sis ni bf. She was close to his family non, in fact naging bestfriend na nya yung long-time girlfriend ng bro ni bf. Ang medyo masakit pa sakin, tinatanong ng mga sis ni bf kung kelan daw sya dadalaw sa kanila , etc. Di naman sumasagot yung girl pag ganun. I have met the family, they were nice to me naman. But di sila yung type ng tao na madaldal na mabilis kaclosean. But I made effort naman to get close to them kahit na nasa Manila kami ni bf tas andun sila sa probinsya namin. Like nangangamusta sa FB, naglalike/comment sa mga posts nila..but may time non na parang deadma na sila. Yung they didn’t keep the conversation going ba, di na rin naglalike sa mga posts ko. Then nakikita ko na active sila sa mga posts ni ExGF. So after some time, naggiveup na ako na makipagclose sa kanila. Parang naawa na rin ako sa sarili ko na parang pinipilit ko lang self ko sa kanila. Nagpaparamdam lang yung isang ate nya pag mag-aask ng favor sakin. After nakuha na nya yun, unti unti na namang di magpaparamdam.

So I hated the ex, kasi napansin kong nananadya sya sa pagpapapansin with his family. Binisita pa yung newborn baby ng ate ni bf with her bestfriend with matching pics and tagging with all his sisters (ninang ako dun sa baby, ninang na naman sya sa eldest). To the extent na naging unhealthy na sakin yung situation so I deleted everyone that could remind me of her. Dinelete ko rin yung gf ng bro ni bf , kasi bestfriend nya yun. So jan na nila inassume na naiinsecure/naiinggit daw ako sa kanila. 

Then nalaman ko na buntis si ExGF and magpapakasal na sila nung hiniwalayan nyang ex bf nya. Tapos may nabasa akong post ni ExGF na nagtthank you kasi sinamahan sya ng ate at bro ni bf sa kanyang wedding preparations, with matching tag at ginawang public pa yung post. Kinuha pa yung ate as ninang sa baby nila ng hubby nya. I suddenly realized na never na syang mawawala sa buhay nila. And i don't want her to be part of my future. Kaya nakipagbreak ako kay bf non but eventually we got back together. Kinausap sya ni bf telling her what i feel and she said na wala daw syang ginagawang masama sakin. Di nya man lang narealize na nasasaktan nya ako indirectly. 

So I was thinking na now na married na sya, alam na nyang dumistansya. Pero hinde. Nong Father’s Day, nagpost pa sa wall ng tatay nina bf, naggreet pa sa mga asawa ng mga ate nya. Inunahan pa ako.

Btw, naging sila for 2 yrs and 10 months nong college so talagang marami silang bonding moments with the fam and friends. Another thing is that, andami niyang similarities with bf. Yung expressions nila, the way they speak, fave cartoon character, hobbies, sports, etc... It bugs me lalo na at opposites kami ni bf.

Honestly, di ko talaga kayang makasama yung babaeng yun in the future. Ok lang naman sakin na may communication pa rin sya with the fam but sana lessen and alam nya boundaries nya. Sya lang ang ex ni bf na ganyan kung umasta, yung iba wala na ngang paramdam. I don’t understand kung bakit di na lang sa fam ng husband nya gawin lahat ng attention na binibigay nya sa fam ni bf.

So ano sa tingin nyo...ano ang dapat kong gawin? Iggiveup ko na ba yung samin ni bf? 3 years na kami but parang aloof pa rin yung family nya sakin and mas binibigyan pa nila ng attention si ExGf.


Thanks in advance!

[huniebunie]

Sissy, don't give up what you have with your BF dahil lang dun sa girl. Wag mong paikutin yung mundo mo sa existence nung exGF. Be the better person in this situation. If you think na siya ay nananadya, don't fight BF over it. Anong maling ginawa ni BF? Similarities, expressions and favorites. Wala na tayong magagawa dun kasi college is one stage of molding someone as a person. Don't blame BF for that. It's in the past. Imagine, sissy, 3 years na kayo, 2 months na mas matagal kesa sakanila pero nakaikot pa din kay exGF ang issue.

Kakausapin niya talaga si girl kasi siya yung cause ng away and break up niyo eh. And for her there really is a tendency na wala siyang pakialam sayo kasi unang una, she's keeping a relationship with BF's family and not BF. Unless may hidden agenda siya to steal BF away from you, well that's another story. But since she's married na, I don't think may balak pa siyang agawin si BF sayo. Nasasaktan ka niya indirectly kasi you let her hurt you.

You can't tell the family and the exGF to stop talking to each other, or distance themselves but what you should've done is to have exerted more effort to get to know the family more. Don't bother with the posts, likes and comments. Mas sincere kung naka message ang pangungumusta. Pag comment or like kasi, parang nagpapaligsahan kayo ni exGF. Tulad niyan, yung pag greet palang ng Father's Day. Walang dapat mauna or malate sa pag-bati.

Sa pag delete mo sa family ni BF on your FB, well you got on their bad side na. Kaya sila aloof sayo. You, being the next GF, hindi sila ang dapat na mag-effort to get to know you. Ikaw dapat. Kung mas nag-effort ka, they'll meet you halfway on getting to know you din.

Si exGF, pwedeng mawala sa family nila, pwedeng hindi. You don't give up your love for that. Message the exGF if it bothers you that much pero don't fight BF over it, don't get mad at his family over it. You have to accept things you can't change. And step up your game while accepting these. Don't live in her shadow.

[simang]

Sis, stop spending too much time of Facebook and you'll feel better. Mukhang yun lang naman ang concern mo eh, that nakikita mo how close the ex is with the family. For starters, why do you even bother updating yourself with what's happening with the ex gf? Really? Bakit? I don't understand. Sa tagal nyo na ng bf mo, never mo narealize that the ex is an ex for a reason? Na ikaw ang naman ang present? Yung totoo, anong napapala mo sa kakastalk sa facebook ng ex gf?

Why not make your own memories with them? Sa 3 yrs nyo, ikaw ang mas dapat nakikisama sa pamilya ng boyfriend mo, pero kung gumive up ka sa part na yun, di na nila responsibility na makipagbond sayo kung ikaw mismo eh insecure sa ex. Seriously, I think this is all in your head. Yes the ex gf might be a part of the family already, but ano bang role nya sa family? Oh yeah, EX-GIRLFRIEND ng boyfriend mo. Why not focus on building your relationship with your boyfriend, and maybe trying harder na magkaron ng connection sa family nya. Kase as i see it, umayaw ka ng makipagclose dahil napansin mong mas close yung ex. I'd suggest you just do your own thing, what the ex does shouldn't matter. Why? Oh yeah, because she's an ex.

But again, the gist of what I want to tell you is STOP SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON FACEBOOK. Capslock para mas intense.

[budzwhiz]

Sis, oo at some point unfair talaga yung ginagawa ng ex gf and it's insensitive of he. Kaso ang ganung klase ng tao hindi na magbabago at lalong hindi magbabago para sayo. Pero MAS unfair naman sa boyfriend mo kung makikipaghiwalay ka sa kanya dahil lang sa ganyang issue. Kung kaya mong gawin yun e maybe you don't love him that much. Tandaan mo sis, hindi sila ang pakakasalan mo, at lalong hindi yung ex nya. Bakit mo parurusahan ang bf mo sa mga bagay na hindi naman sya ang may kasalanan? Kung hindi mo kaya yung todo effort para mas mapalagay ang pamilya nya sayo, e hindi ka dapat magmukmok dahil mas pinakikisamahan nila yung ex ng bf mo. Ang dapat na ginawa mo nung una palang e ginawa mo ang lahat para makuha ang loob nila. Imagine, 3 years na kayo. At mas matagal na kayong magkasama, pero bakit mas close pa rin sila sa ex? Think about all the things you've done to court the family, then ask yourself, are you satistied with those things? But then again, kung masyado nga silang matigas and unfortunately, na-attach na talaga sila sa ex, e don't mind them nalang. Kung nakikita naman ng boyfriend mo na nageeffort ka rin but still nasasaktan sa rejection or pinapakita nila, e he wouldn't mind kung papabayaan mo nalang. Afterall nga, hindi naman sila ang pakakasalan mo.

[baliwsayo]

Parang mali naman na idikta mo sa bf mo at family niya kung sino ang dapat at hindi dapat maging friend. Grow up na lang sis. Accept that there are things that you can't control. Yun sarili mo lang pag-iisip ang kaya mo i-control so I suggest yun ang ayusin mo. Kung issue talaga sa yo, may choice ka naman.. either wag ka na mag-stalk sa facebook or ibreak mo na bf mo.