Your husband cheated. What made him do it?

[aquacharly]

ako I dont like to give an emphasis as to why he cheated. He cheated because he wants to, its his choice.

I agree.   There will always be a convenient rationalization.

[bonita111809]

Give a man space and he is yours forever. (By space means not controlling him)

Just do your wifely duties.

Now you're doing your wifely duties and he still cheats that is his fault. He is human after all.

Forgive him.

Then continue doing your wifely duties.

Always remember nakikita ni Lord at si Lord lang ang may kontrol ng lahat.

Pray without ceasing.

At hayaan mo na si Lord ang gumanti sa'yo.

Then just continue doing your wifely duties.

thumbs up sis langley.

[bonita111809]

I agree.   There will always be a convenient rationalization.

question is, what made him want to cheat? men don't do things for no reason.

[cheezecake]

^makati lang sis, talagang hindi mapakali sa isa, hindi lang talaga loyal, gusto lang may makwento sa barkada.  I wonder bakit pag lalake ang nambabae e tinatanong ang reasons pero kapag girl ang nanlalake kulang na lang sunugin LOLZ

[bonita111809]

^makati lang sis, talagang hindi mapakali sa isa, hindi lang talaga loyal, gusto lang may makwento sa barkada.  I wonder bakit pag lalake ang nambabae e tinatanong ang reasons pero kapag girl ang nanlalake kulang na lang sunugin LOLZ

isang aspeto lang yan sis. minsan merong mas matinding rason pa jan.

hindi kasi lahat ng ginagawa ng lalake pwedeng gawin ng babae. hindi lahat ng bagay ginawang pantay pantay. para saken, yung rason na "hindi makuntento" eh para talaga sa mga babaeng nangangaliwa. I have a few female friends who cheats. yung asawa nasa abroad, nagpapakahirap magtrabaho para sa kanilang mag-ina.yung rason nya kasi nangungulila daw sya sa asawa nya. wala syang kasiping sa gabi. eh ang babae mas kayang magpigil ng libog kesa sa lalake. tayong mga babae kase kung sino yung mahal natin, dun lang natin kayang makipag-sex. kaya nga naiinis tayo sa mga lalakeng nangangaliwa eh. kasi sila kaya nilang makipag-sex kahit kanino tapos uuwi ng bahay na parang walang nangyare.

may iba namang babae, nangangaliwa dahil sa pera. nag-abroad para magtrabaho at nang makatagpo ng mayaman na lalake, kinalimutan ang mister nya sa pilipinas.

may rason ang babae at lalake kung baket sila nangangaliwa pero para saken, kung ikukumpura ko ang babae at lalakeng nagloko, mas maiintindihan ko yung lalake.

[nathanielle]

Ang seswerte naman ng mga asawa nyo, langley and bonita. Kahit ilang beses magloko, forgive lang ng forgive? Wifely duties pa rin? 

I strongly believe that when a woman is a good wife and someone who prays, the husband will not fall astray. I have seen it and I am living by it. the woman holds the key to a happy marriage.

As someone who's actually been on the OTHER side of the fence (meaning I was the 3rd party in a marriage once, long time ago), that's not always true. I wish it were, really. In a perfect world, yes, all a wife has to do is love her husband, and be a good wife, and pray, and what have you, and the husband will not stray. But it's not a perfect world, is it. People die, people get sick, bad things happen to good people, and husbands cheat on even the perfect wives. Sometimes we look for a reason why things happen so we can make sense of things, when in reality, senseless things happen in life, all the time. Maybe your faith in God makes you think that nothing ever happens randomly, and ok, I can't argue with that. To me lang, I can't believe that relationships are always that simple. If it were, then we would all be living fairy tale lives. 

Also I do my wifely duties (yes I'm married now, to a different man) not because I want to use that to "barter" with my husband, as if my husband's fidelity is something that I must barter with in the first place. I do it because I love him, period.  Just because I cook for my husband, or wash his clothes, or take care of his children, I cannot be sure he cannot, will not, betray me. When a woman is a good wife, she can only hope that her husband will not stray. There are no guarantees in life, and there are no guarantees in a relationship.

[bonita111809]

Ang seswerte naman ng mga asawa nyo, langley and bonita. Kahit ilang beses magloko, forgive lang ng forgive? Wifely duties pa rin? 

for me, I can forgive once. first instance could be a mistake. the second time it happens, it's already a choice. while I strongly believe that the success or failure of marriage lies on the hands of a woman, I also believe that no man can deeply love a woman who allows him to mistreat her or use her as a door mat. magkaiba ang pagiging maging mabuting asawa sa pagiging t@nga.

As someone who's actually been on the OTHER side of the fence (meaning I was the 3rd party in a marriage once, long time ago), that's not always true. I wish it were, really. In a perfect world, yes, all a wife has to do is love her husband, and be a good wife, and pray, and what have you, and the husband will not stray. But it's not a perfect world, is it. People die, people get sick, bad things happen to good people, and husbands cheat on even the perfect wives. Sometimes we look for a reason why things happen so we can make sense of things, when in reality, senseless things happen in life, all the time. Maybe your faith in God makes you think that nothing ever happens randomly, and ok, I can't argue with that. To me lang, I can't believe that relationships are always that simple. If it were, then we would all be living fairy tale lives. 

lagi kong sinasabi na wala talagang perfect na wife kasi wala namang perpektong tao. but it doesn't take a perfect person (if ever perfect people really exists) to be a good wife. IMO, relationships are simple, people aren't.

Also I do my wifely duties (yes I'm married now, to a different man) not because I want to use that to "barter" with my husband, as if my husband's fidelity is something that I must barter with in the first place. I do it because I love him, period.  Just because I cook for my husband, or wash his clothes, or take care of his children, I cannot be sure he cannot, will not, betray me. When a woman is a good wife, she can only hope that her husband will not stray. There are no guarantees in life, and there are no guarantees in a relationship.

it's a good thing you're able to do your wifely duties with that doubt that your husband will still cheat on you. my husband cheated with me and it only lasted for a month or so. good thing wala pang nangyayare sa amin noon at yun ang advantage ko. walang time yung ex gf nya sa kanya so parang ako ang naging confidant nya. nakipaghiwalay din ako sa kanya kasi I've experienced being cheated on and I know how it feels. after we broke up, he talked to his ex gf and they decided to part ways. wala pang 1 month, kinasal na si babae. turns out una palang nagloko yung ex gf ni hubby.

pero kahit nagsimula kame sa ganun, never kong inisip na kakaliwain ako ng asawa ko. kasi if I have doubts in my head, it will affect my wifely duties. lagi akong magta-tamang hinala at magseselos nang walang katuturan. kaunting selos pwede siguro, cute tingnan pero pag sobra, hindi nakakatuwa para sa lalake. paghihigpitan ko sya at kakalikutin ko yung phone nya to check kung may ka-text syang iba. worse is lalagyan ko ng tracker ang phone nya para alam ko kung saan sya nagpupupunta. pathetic moves di ba? so I say, release all your doubts kasi if you keep on thinking that your husband will still cheat on you despite of all the wifely duties you do for him, he will most likely cheat on you. also, wifely duties doesn't just stop on washing his clothes, taking care of his kids and cooking for him. there's a whole lot of things you need to do in order to say that you are truly performing your wifely duties. one of them is to fully trust your husband.

[simang]

I have to agree with sis bonita na the sucess of a marriage is mainly dependent on the woman. For me it's a privilege. That's how powerful women are. Most of the times, how our man treats us is a reflection us.

I believe some women don't really understand how to love a man. As most of you here have said, kahit ginawa mo na lahat para maging 'perfect wife' pwedeng magcheat pa din si husband. The question is, what for you is a perfect wife? Someone who cooks for the family, someone who spends time with the kids, someone who keeps the house clean, who gives him mindblowing sex, etc -- these might be qualities of a perfect wife for you, but have you looked into the qualities of a perfect wife for your husband? As sis bonita said, men and women are wired differently, wayyyy differently. And most of the times, our definition of loving our husband is different from how out husband needs to be loved. Kahit pa sabihin mong mahal mo ang asawa mo in your own terms, pero sa kanya he needs a different kind of love, it will never translate. Dyan din pumapasok yung love languages.

But yes, cheating is always a conscious choice. We also say that men are naturally polygamous. It means that men can always choose to cheat. We might generalize them, but really, do ALL mean choose to cheat? Definitely not. Some men cheat, others don't. So anong explanation bakit yung ibang guys hindi nagchicheat? Aside from their character, i believe guys will most likely choose NOT to cheat if he is happy within the home, and as the homemaker, wives ang may responsibility dyan.

[snix]

I hear some women saying "kahit ano pang gawin mo at kahit ano pang hirap ang ituon mo sa asawa mo, kung mangangaliwa sya, talagang mangangaliwa yan." I disagree with this phrase. it prevents wives to perform their wifely duties kasi sa isip nila, ba't pa sila magpapakahirap kung ganun din naman, mangangaliwa din naman pala yung mister nila. and in effect, kasi nga hindi sila nag-perform bilang mabuting asawa, nangaliwa nga si mister so sa isip nila, tama sila. ang pag-aasawa kasi parang trabaho yan. you have to give your 101% para hindi maagaw ng iba ang posisyon mo.
[/quote]

I love what your dad said truelaloo yan and this also applies to your belief which i also believe that if you have that kind of mindset with your man na mangangaliwa yan kahit ano pang effort ang gawin mo thren really do expect them to look for another dahil hindi sila busog sayo.. I've seen this happen a lot of times with friends kaya I know there's something wrong not only eith the husband but also the wife. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and takes a lot of work and if women go on with their lives with that kind of mindset, any marriage is doomed.

OT: sis is that downloadable? The one I have is an ebook. I love reading books like these. It helps me understand and improve on my relationship as well as share it to my friends, men and women alike.

[aquacharly]

question is, what made him want to cheat? men don't do things for no reason.

There is a never endng list of reasons. Sa dami ng cuento we have come across.   What's the point of wracking your brains out getting to "The Reason, Really".  IMO, most betrayed women do not accept/perceive  as truthful/justified  whatever reason is given. IMO, most men could have turned their backs to any temptation to cheat BUT give in due to rationalizations they spin out in their minds.  IMO, any reason is just rooted in the want to scratch an itch.
So, IMO, pick Any Reason, rationalize & spin it out -- that's it.  Good story for any teleserye.

Since no woman can control her man, best to focus on herself.  There is always room for advance & for moving forward away from the betrayal: whether you decide to stay or leave. 

[spouter]

There will always be acceptable reasons as to why a man cheats. But then, cheating is still a choice. And from my experience, men who engage in wrongful affairs, emotional or physical, are weak. Their weakness (emotionally, physically and spiritually) make them vulnerable to temptations. Same reason applies to the woman who cheats.

[aquacharly]

Ang seswerte naman ....   Kahit ilang beses magloko, forgive lang ng forgive? Wifely duties pa rin? 

Sometimes we look for a reason why things happen so we can make sense of things, when in reality, senseless things happen in life, all the time. Maybe your faith in God makes you think that nothing ever happens randomly, and ok, I can't argue with that. To me lang, I can't believe that relationships are always that simple. If it were, then we would all be living fairy tale lives. 

 When a woman is a good wife, she can only hope that her husband will not stray. There are no guarantees in life, and there are no guarantees in a relationship.

Well said!

If I were to be cynical, I'd say:  It's just a matter of time before a man cheats.  Hahaha

But really: 
Life throws curved balls.
Marriage is the biggest gamble.
Nobody can predict the future.
Sh1t may/can happen even to The Undeserving.       

[bonita111809]

There is a never endng list of reasons. Sa dami ng cuento we have come across.   What's the point of wracking your brains out getting to "The Reason, Really".  IMO, most betrayed women do not accept/perceive  as truthful/justified  whatever reason is given. IMO, most men could have turned their backs to any temptation to cheat BUT give in due to rationalizations they spin out in their minds.  IMO, any reason is just rooted in the want to scratch an itch.
So, IMO, pick Any Reason, rationalize & spin it out -- that's it.  Good story for any teleserye.

Since no woman can control her man, best to focus on herself.  There is always room for advance & for moving forward away from the betrayal: whether you decide to stay or leave. 

this is a very womanly view of how men are wired sis. and I get what you mean. actually, women can control men. cleopatra and cory aquino are just examples of women who were able to control a massive number of men. we control money, we control intimacy, we control almost everything. that's how empowered we are. and if you are to focus only on yourself because you have this thinking that no man can be controlled by a woman, you will never be truly happy in a relationship.

this I tell you, not all men who cheat is yearning for sex. sometimes, they are yearning for admiration, affection and he wants to be number 1 in a woman's life. he wants to get sympathy and support from his day to day hurdles and stresses. so for us to think that they are sex-rabid human beings is actually very unfair. women can never walk in a man's shoe but we can always try to understand them. and once we understand what their make up is, what motivates them, what drives them and what ticks them off, we would be able to control men for the betterment of your relationship.

[bonita111809]

There will always be acceptable reasons as to why a man cheats. But then, cheating is still a choice. And from my experience, men who engage in wrongful affairs, emotional or physical, are weak. Their weakness (emotionally, physically and spiritually) make them vulnerable to temptations. Same reason applies to the woman who cheats.

yes they are weak. they are not gods. they are humans who makes mistakes just like wives does. but men are more prone to the sins of the flesh than women that's why I will never understand why women would choose to cheat. for me, the discontented ones are the cheating wives. they require too much from their husbands, as if he's perfect and when she sees a trait she wants her husband to have from someone else, there she is drooling after him. why did she marry him in the first place if he doesn't have all the things she wants in a man? smh.

[aquacharly]

actually, women can control men. cleopatra and cory aquino are just examples of women who were able to control a massive number of men. we control money, we control intimacy, we control almost everything. that's how empowered we are.

CONTROL  IMO, smacks of curbing/limiting/defining behavior.

IMO, Cleopatra did not control but swayed men to want to please her & do her bidding.  Must have been charismatic.
Cory did not control... She appealed to the principles in men (and women) to make them take the higher road.
We can control what is personal to us, but cannot control what another has control over too -- IMO.
So, I have always said one can control one's self, beyond that, what happens is anybody's guess.
Even the richest man on earth cannot control world events.   Expect the unexpected nga.

and if you are to focus only on yourself because you have this thinking that no man can be controlled by a woman, you will never be truly happy in a relationship

Hahahahaha
All I can say is I do not dare be presumptuous nor judgmental as to be soooo KIA (know-it-all) as to think: all men can be controlled; a man can be controlled; someone with no control over a man can never be happy in a relationship ; and/or that even anybody other than myself is happy or unhappy in their relationship.   
But that's just me, what do I know anyway? Hahahahaha

IMO, others ARE happy in a relationship where their man freely/voluntarily loves them  & CONTROLS HIMSELF.

                 
                           

[mooncake and leaves]

accepting the randomness and the uncertainty of life isn't the same as having doubts, bonita. it also does not follow that just because a wife has accepted all possibilities in life, including betrayal, she will neglect her husband. you have to believe that everyone, even the wives you mentioned whose methods you disagree with, the ones who have shared their pain here, have done their best and are doing their best. like you, they're just doing what they know is right.

if your way of treating your husband works for you guys and you guys are happy, good for you. but your way is NOT the standard. honestly, the way you described on another thread your relationship with your husband--if everyone followed your way, we will all be suicidal. i'm not judging but i can never dote on anyone the way you do your husband and i don't want to think i can ever control anybody. and it's not because your way is wrong. it's because your way is untrue to myself. that's just not who i am. i can either do things your way or i can have an honest conversation with whoever i'm with and see if they're alright with my lazy a$$.

you can't say that wives who have been cheated on pushed their husbands to cheat because they are like this, like that, etc. because kahit bali-baliktarin mo man ang mundo, when you cheat on your spouse--crass as this may sound--hinayaan mong "iputan ang ulo" nila ng ibang tao. binaba mo sila when trabaho mo to lift them up. cheating is deliberate whereas those fits of anger or whatever dissatisfaction men have with their wives--those are usually unplanned. they are products of life wearing us all down. when you cheat, you stop being on your spouse's team. kahit sabihin mong, eh kasi nagger na si wife, tumaba, stopped having sex, etc.-- well, f*ck it. that only means the cheating husband did not understand what he signed up for. i'm not married but i would venture a guess that marriage has a lot to do with accepting your partner for who s/he is and who they could become. kaya nga for better or worse- you marry what you know and what you don't know. you vow to love despite the many changes both of you will go through. even the ones you don't like. even the ones that make you unhappy.

all this rationalizing why men cheat for me is just a way to make women feel they can control it, that they can take steps to prevent it. you can't. s**t happens to the best and the worst of us. like what nathanielle said, life is that random.

[aquacharly]

^ ay! THANK YOU!
I wanted, meant, intended to say all that.
But my brains are currently under repair. 

[bonita111809]

CONTROL  IMO, smacks of curbing/limiting/defining behavior.

IMO, Cleopatra did not control but swayed men to want to please her & do her bidding.  Must have been charismatic.
Cory did not control... She appealed to the principles in men (and women) to make them take the higher road.
We can control what is personal to us, but cannot control what another has control over too -- IMO.
So, I have always said one can control one's self, beyond that, what happens is anybody's guess.
Even the richest man on earth cannot control world events.   Expect the unexpected nga.

sis, I wish I could agree with your definition of the word "control." but those words you said, they constitute to changing a whole being. when you limit, curb and define a behavior, you're not controlling a person. you are actually trying to change that person into someone else. that person may shows signs that he/she is being controlled but in reality, the deed is just for the meantime.

having control means to have power over someone or something. you direct a behavior to cause to  do what you want. isn't that what cleopatra and cory did?

you can never compare world events to men. world events comprises of too many scenarios and too many personalities are involved. of course no one can control world events. but a woman who knows her power and acknowledges what she can do to her man will certainly be able to live a happy and peaceful marriage.

Hahahahaha
All I can say is I do not dare be presumptuous nor judgmental as to be soooo KIA (know-it-all) as to think: all men can be controlled; a man can be controlled; someone with no control over a man can never be happy in a relationship ; and/or that even anybody other than myself is happy or unhappy in their relationship.   
But that's just me, what do I know anyway? Hahahahaha

I may not know everything but one thing I know is true. I know men too well and that helped me build a harmonious, peaceful and loving relationship with my husband. he's not just doing his part in this relationship because he wants to, it's also because I made him do it. a man will most likely do things if he's getting something out of it.

IMO, others ARE happy in a relationship where their man freely/voluntarily loves them  & CONTROLS HIMSELF.

                 
                           



do you know why some men are able to control themselves? it's because of the wonderful things he's got back home that he cannot afford to lose if he fools around. I always quote these sayings and I live by it wholeheartedly and with open-mindedness:

behind a great man is a great woman.

a woman can make or break a man.

the woman holds the key to happiness in marriage. 

[miminibebe]

Mas agree ako kay sis aquacharly at sis mooncake. 
Gusto ko ipaliwanag why ako agree pero like sis aquacharly under-maintenance ata utak ko. Hahaha!

May question pala ako, pano yung mga lalake na nagabroad at while abroad eh nambabae?
Kailangan pa din bang isipin ng wife na kaya nambabae si  lalake eh dahil sa wala si wife para ibigay ang wifey duties niya?  Kailangan pa bang isipin what made him do it? I mean, kailangang ijustify talaga?

[aquacharly]

BONITA, check the dictionaries. No definition is definitive always, because there is such a thing as a qualifier/adjective/adverb/context.  I just followed your line of thinking vis-vis control. 

 IN THIS FORUM, as elsewhere --  let us not assume we are OMNISCIENT, or  that what works for us will work for others.  The mods ENCOURAGE  SHARING, not judgment nor bullying.  We want ALL to share their wisdom or perspective.  LET ALL  say their piece in peace.  I want to HEAR from most, if not all. I want all/most to share their thoughts on the problem, and not stay quiet lest they be judged.

I am keeping quiet henceforth in this thread because I WANT TO HEAR from others too.