Re: Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 5)

[sugardrop]

^
Hi sis. At the onset of my current relationship, I was holding back - on my emotions, everything - and wasn't expressive at all because just like you, I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt and was finding ways to justify it. To the point na may isang guytalker na sinabihan ako na "kung magmamatigas ka rin lang eh wag ka nang mag-bf" (hi Ted, you know who you are). But as the relationship progressed, I realized that while I was protecting myself from getting hurt, I was also keeping myself from enjoying the relationship, and ultimately, from feeling what it's like to love again. When I knew that I can trust him, I gave myself the chance to express my feelings more, I gave him a chance, gave the relationship a chance and lo and behold, I found myself being truly in love once more.

Of course there are and will be bumps along the way but that's part of every relationship. You'll never realize what loving is again if you're going to put protective barriers that wouldn't allow him to penetrate into your being.

We all get burned but that's part of loving. You'll never know what love really is if you've never been hurt before. It is but normal. And I also know how difficult it is to be with someone na may "sabit" as how most people call it but it could be worth it. I know my man is worth the risk. Like I've told him before, he has the capacity to break my heart but it's up to him if he will and if I will allow it. I've been with single guys in the past but it is only now that I've learned my capacity to love because he is worth it.

So just go with the flow, enjoy each other and cherish what you have. Let go! Refrain from overthinking and overanalyzing - as another guytalker once told me and a couple of other girls, "sa dinami-dami ng mga naiisip nyong interpretation sa mga bagay bagay, yung pinaka-negative pa ang pipiliin nyo" or something like that. But as they say, leave some for yourself.

And you also have to address this question - Is this man worth it?

[zeroone]

...and your point is?

haha, nothing. just wanted to point out that even players do not grab every opportunity. possibly for someone like me.

[jtansanco]

^ Just go for it but don't tell us.. Shhhhh... Hahaha JOKE.

[Girltalker2]

haha, nothing. just wanted to point out that even players do not grab every opportunity. possibly for someone like me.

hmmm sino kaya sya?  Eh iilan lang naman ang hotel sa BGC, and I will be checking in as well in the next few days. 



Anyway, thanks sugardrop for your comments. Very insightful.

And you also have to address this question - Is this man worth it?

I agree, ito naman kasi ang million dollar question.  Kaso most of the time kasi you have to wait and take time to find out about it.  So minsan, magBF na tsaka mo pa ito tatanungin.  And kapag nalaman mo otherwise, bilang babae, laging mag iisip tayo ng reason to justify the guy's actions para hindi ma-break ang relationship. By hook or by crook, pipilitin natin isalvage ang relationship, "bahala na, mahal ko na eh" 


I think there is nothing wrong with holding back and being cautious (protecting yourself from getting hurt).  It is the smart way to go SHOPPING around.  You have to be smart and use your head, while feeling loved or loving again. 

Namention ko nanga before, I have read so many stuffs about dating, one of the things I have learned to protect myself is - never allow your feelings to overtake your guy's feelings.  Ito yung tinitimpla ko before why I justify multiple dating. Kasi kung 1 lalaki lang lagi mo nakakasama, tendency is you will fall for him. And once you do and he is not worth it, kawawa ka.  That is why mahabang discussion ang dinaanan namin before I agreed to date exclusively with my now BF.  Pero while dating only him, cautious parin ako eh.  Binabantayan ko ang galaw nya - which again, like sugardrop, may nagsabi narin dito sa GT sakin na, huwag ko naman parusahan ang lahat ng magiging ka relasyon ko dahil lang sa kasalanan ng ex ko. Unfair naman.

When I knew that I can trust him, I gave myself the chance to express my feelings more, I gave him a chance, gave the relationship a chance and lo and behold, I found myself being truly in love once more.

Iyan ang malaking tanong kasi. 

I always believe if ever there is a slight doubt in you, kapag hindi pa kayo, huwag ka muna pumayag maging kayo. 

And kung kayo na, and may slight doubt, you can always talk about it. Perhaps this is the way to go kung magBF na kayo. Hindi yun lagi kang nanghuhula - which is very very bad, if you are in a serious relationship.

[slickchick]

Thanks everyone. Siguro sobrang hirap lang na talaga ako magtiwala sa mga lalake. Imagine naging single mom ako at 19 then puro MU / fling na lang tapos eto after 10 years ngayon na lang uli nagkaron ng boyfriend. Default ko na ata maging tamang hinala. Oh well, mag 3 months pa lang naman kami officially mag bf/gf so palagi sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na wag muna mainlove ng todo todo at mahirap na. Priority ko is to protect myself from getting hurt.

hi sis! i understand where you're coming from.. i'm also a single mom, and it's only after 8 years ako nag-decide to enter a relationship. mas open and mas madali na rin kasi i-explain sa son ko kasi mas may isip na sya ngayon. bago pa lang din kami ng bf ko (less than a year). naiintindihan ko yung feeling na default na yung tamang hinala. But personally sis, I think kung lagi tayo magkakaroon ng trust issues, it might not be healthy sa current relationship natin. it might push the guy more to stray. I'm not saying na maging gullible at magpaloko ah.. Siguro sis, kilalanin lang din natin mabuti yung guy and yung sarili natin especially now that we are still in the early stages pa of the relationship. And syempre sis, kahit single moms tayo wag natin pabayaan sarili natin and our kid(s). Tamang self-confidence and self-sufficient lang sis, wag yung tamang hinala.. Just my opinion sis.. 

[sacred cow]

^ when I don't see myself being intimate with her. same lang din siguro when u girls see a guy na pang friends lang and won't see you nekkid

[young_maiden]

so paano maglelevel up si girl best friend to a girlfriend? in other words, paano makakaalis si girl best friend sa friend zone ni guy? kailangan magpaganda ng bongga? yun lang ba ang way o may iba pa? thanks in advance

[sacred cow]

^ sadly yes. parang wala pa kong kilala na kunwari naging successful si girl after x years at biglang naging attractive siya dun sa crush niya (assumming walang makeover sa looks na nangyari) as compared to a guy na kunwari naging parang tony stark or harvey specter..

[nixiquita]

Paano imomotivate ang lalake na magsikap sa work/career without sounding like a nagger & demanding girlfriend slash nakakapressure na nanay? Haha

[Girltalker2]

^ Sometimes kasi nasa personality na nila yun that we have to accept.  If hindi pa kayo, huwag mo nalang sagutin. Kung kayo na, and you are not happy about it, pag usapan ninyo. Kung wala parin nangyari, baka kelangan mo na pag isipan whether to continue the relationship or not.

[jtansanco]

^^ Then he's not and may never be ready to settle down with you in the future. Love can't pay the bills so find a man who can.

[nixiquita]

im not really rushing him into marriage or settling down, its more of i wanna see him at his best. i want him to sort out his priorities in life and maybe with my help, baka ako maging good influence or inspiration for him

so im asking for way on how to motivate him in a subtle way na hindi nega ang dating

[simang]

^give him praise for whatever he does best. Kung magaling sya sa gaming, magluto, kung ano man talent/asset nya, give him credits for it. It might work since iisipin nya susuportahan mo sya sa kung ano man plano nya sa buhay -- whether forever maging stale or eventually maghanap ng matino at stable na trabaho. Never impose na kelangan nya maghanap ng work. If ever maghanap sya out of the blue, tell him it made you feel good about him and about the relationship. Basta wag mo sya utusan what to do, mas lalo nya mafifeel na wala syang ginagawang tama

[zeroone]

Paano imomotivate ang lalake na magsikap sa work/career without sounding like a nagger & demanding girlfriend slash nakakapressure na nanay? Haha

find out who he really is.. know his strength and weaknesses. it's possible na hindi sya employee type. baka may ginagawa sya on the side like freelancing or business minded sya siguro. talk to him and get to know him. communication is always the key.

just support him, you can't mold someone and turn him to someone you want. if you can;t live with it, get out of it as early as now. it will only get harder and ugly in the long run.

[estelle21]

How can I win my ex bf back kaya? Guys gusto nyo bang suyuin rin kayo? Ako nakipaghiwalay e. And I regret it. Haaay. Hinabol ko na sya and all and after almost  a month of NC, ngayon ko na lang sya ulit nakontak. seems di pa sya handa. di ko na alam gagawin. nagsisisi ako ako mali sa mga nangyari samin. hay.

[zeroone]

How can I win my ex bf back kaya? Guys gusto nyo bang suyuin rin kayo? Ako nakipaghiwalay e. And I regret it. Haaay. Hinabol ko na sya and all and after almost  a month of NC, ngayon ko na lang sya ulit nakontak. seems di pa sya handa. di ko na alam gagawin. nagsisisi ako ako mali sa mga nangyari samin. hay.

run after him and swallow your pride. assuming he's still single, your chances are higher.
kapag nag ka GF na sya, mas mahirap unless  you want him that bad that you're up to destroying a relationship.

[nixiquita]

One month of no communication? Wow. Kayang kaya ba ng lalake yan sa mga mahal nilang girls? parang ang tagal naman nung no communication at all. aware naman ako na mapride sila pero while nageeffort na si girl of their life, deadma pa rin? unless siguro sobra yung kasalanan ng babae like cheat on the guy eh maiintindihan ko pa kasi he had his ego and pride crushed. Pero yung maghabol na dindeadma ka parin, parang ang off naman. Baka naman nagmomove on na siya sis?

[estelle21]

actually hinabol ko talaga sya nung unang buwan nang paghihiwalay pero na suffocate so i gave him space. three weeks ago sabi nya wala sya iba. pero ewan ko lang ngayon.

busy rin lifestyle. we're both in a career na demanding time. nag-aaral rin kami pareho.

tsaka matanda na sya. nasa 30s na. so sabi nga ng friend nya ma comfort ako sa fact na di na maglalaro yun sa age nya.

sabi mama nya sa edad nyang yung 2 lang kami pinakilala nya e. [textspeak!] last one pa parang decade ago na yun!

dapat pala naging mindset ko napasabi ko si ex na "you are worth the wait." kasi kahit may flings sya e di nya naman napakilala. and i know nag antay sya ng love na katulad ng na feel nya sakin. sobra dami sacrifices nya

di ko na alam gagawin ko to win him back

girls meron ba kayong experience na na win back nyo si ex?

boys, pano nyo bibigyan ng chance si girl?

hindi po ako nag cheat. napuno lang sya sa selos ko at sa mga misinterpretation ko sa mga sinasabi or ginagawa nya. tapos ako nakipag break. twice pa... magkasunod. so yun pangalawa tipong "o di break na ayaw mo na e." di ko na nabago isip nya :/

[j.adore]

If that's the reason why you broke up, that's what you need to fix.

[estelle21]

^sis j.adore, you're right. at masasabi ko nakatulong yung di kami nag-usap for a month para makapag-isip-isip ako. tama sya pa pursue pursue pa ko further studies bobo naman sa pag ibig

run after him and swallow your pride. assuming he's still single, your chances are higher.
kapag nag ka GF na sya, mas mahirap unless  you want him that bad that you're up to destroying a relationship.

zeroone di ba ayaw ng boys ng hinahabol? o gusto nyo rin? pano nyo ba gusto ligawan?