I need an advice from all men here,,..

[pretty_conservative]

thank you guys sa advice.


its nice to know na mapride talaga kayong mga lalaki @magno04, atleast alam ko na. isa din siguro sa reason eh kasi nahihirapan din ako na alamin ang ugali at mga normal na nasa isip ng mga guys kasi naman first and only bf ko yung partner ko eh kaya din siguro hehe

[toinks.toinks]

@gharz412 siguro hindi lang pride ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw nya makipagayos, minsan kasi ginagawang dahilan na lang yung mga ganung issue para lumabas na nasa iyo ang guilt, na kesyo kasi ikaw o ganyan, pero kung ano man yun, hayaan mo na sya, ginawa mo naman lahat ikaw na gumawa ng paraan pero napakababaw naman ata kung pride lang ang dahilan para iwan nya sambahayan nya. but I also admire your strength at ang bilis ng recovery mo, malay mo naman isang araw maisip nya din pinaggagawa nya at sya na makipagayos, ang tanong eh kung handa ka ba pag dumating yung time na yun

[gharz412]

@toinks.toinks, sa dami kase ng issues namen napagod na ako, tnry ko itago sa lahat kung ano ang totoong sitwasyon ko dahil ayoko mapasama siya pero napuno na ko I feel like im used, overused and abused...ngayon naman sinabihan ako ng MIL ko na gusto nila na sa bahay lang yung birthday niya baby ko  kase baka daw malaman ng ibang tao na ganito sitwasyun namen hindi daw kase pupunta asawa ko, sinabi ko kase na jollibee party. Ewan ko ba bakit ganun siya...

[langley]

Share ko lang:

Dominance and control are always masculine. It is a hormonal thing. It is the way God designed male nature. It is important for a woman to understand that she has to be feminine (devoid of dominance and control) in order for her man to view her as his exact counterpart and thus respond to her protectively, with love and gentleness.

God designed us, so he knows what our husbands need in order to function properly in their roles as men who cherish the woman in their life. By nature, men need honor (this includes not questioning their decisions). They need respect (treated as if they are wise). They need reverence (daily admired as a man who is accomplishing great things). They need to be accepted for who and what they are, just like they are. Men need to feel they are in command and doing a good job.

An important part of man is a God-given, natural instinct to bring his wife pleasure. If a woman is to be greatly treasured she will choose to find pleasure in the way the man presents himself and his care. All these traits are basic masculine needs. We were created as a helpmeet to the man we married, fulfilling who and what he is. This is God’s will for us as women. When we as women obey God by responding to the needs of our husband, we are worshipping and honoring God. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man (1 Cor. 11:9).”

God created you to fulfill your husband’s basic masculine needs. Only in that role will you find peace and cause your man to respond to you in loving adoration. This role of submission is totally feminine. It is the exact counterpart for his masculine needs. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18).”

A woman who criticizes her husband for watching too much TV no longer honors him. When a woman tries to control areas of their life together because she thinks she is right, she is usurping authority over him, and lording over him. A depressed, discontented woman, who feels that her husband does not meet her needs, is dishonoring God.

Deep in our heart we all want the same thing. We all want to be loved and cherished. We all cry out with our utmost being to be treasured in the heart of our husbands. It is the greatest honor on earth to know your husband is thrilled that you are his woman. It passes all of earth’s blessings to feel his gaze upon you and know that you are his greatest gift, his most prized possession, his best friend, his favorite pastime, his only chum, and his delight as a lover. It is a great joy to know that he is actually proud you are his. It is not remembering birthdays, opening the door of a car, or other silly customs that we crave, it is the knowledge that he is totally taken with us. We want him to want us. We simply want to be loved. It is God’s perfect will for our husbands to love us. It is God’s perfect will for us to honor, obey and reverence our husbands. God’s way works. If what you are doing this year has not worked, why not go God’s way?

    1 Cor. 11:7 “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”
    1 Cor. 11:8 “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.”
    1 Cor. 11:9 “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

-Debi Pearl,

[Darshan]

ganito narin pinagdadaanan ko ngayon

bakit puro nalang sa lalake lalake  lalake...like we wives are walking on eggshells para lang di matapakan ego nila..pero in return they abuse us..talk or say whatever they want kahit nakakasakit na..and still we should be like a doormat to them? parang ginagawang basahan nalang ..paano naman ang self worth at self love ng babae? in exchange to not step on a man's ego eh we let go of our self worth and self respect. i still think it should be two ways..marriage is a two way street..kung gusto ng lalake na tratuhing parang sila hari, eh dapat tratuhin din nila tayo na reyna..hindi slave, doormat, gamit, katulong, etc

[cristina]

ganito narin pinagdadaanan ko ngayon

bakit puro nalang sa lalake lalake  lalake...like we wives are walking on eggshells para lang di matapakan ego nila..pero in return they abuse us..talk or say whatever they want kahit nakakasakit na..and still we should be like a doormat to them? parang ginagawang basahan nalang ..paano naman ang self worth at self love ng babae? in exchange to not step on a man's ego eh we let go of our self worth and self respect. i still think it should be two ways..marriage is a two way street..kung gusto ng lalake na tratuhing parang sila hari, eh dapat tratuhin din nila tayo na reyna..hindi slave, doormat, gamit, katulong, etc

sis aminin mo naman mas emotional kasi tayo once na nagsalita tayo minsan hindi na natin naiisip na nakakasakit tayo ng ego nila

[Girltalker2]

sis Darshan, I agree with you. Unfortunately, maraming lalaki na immature mag isip, maraming nagpakasal para may mag silbi sa kanila, rather than be a real man for the family.  That's why bilang babae, naniniwala ako na while kelangan mo alagaan ang partner mo, kelangan mo rin ng pag-aalaga nya - tao ka rin naman eh, so importante talaga yung sinabi no na BOTH ways, hindi puede na ikaw yung sisirko sirko at t-tambling tambling samantalang sya eh nagpapakasasa sa alak o babae at nagpapalaki ng tyan.

Sabi nga nila, mas gumaganda ang wife sa pag-aalaga ng asawa.  Nagtataka lang ako bakit hindi ito nauso sa kultura ng mga Pinoy?  Na tipong kung losyang na ang wife mo, it simply means you are not man enough to take care of her.

[langley]

^Because the Philippines is still a patriarchal society which is a good thing by the way.

If a woman becomes "losyang" I think that is her fault, not her husband.
It is a woman's responsibility to keep herself up, to discipline herself, to eat healthy, to be more joyful, to be more feminine.

A woman is a nurturer. Even a woman's body is designed to nurture. So we nurture our children and our husband. That is a woman's role.

[pretty_conservative]

tama si girltalker2 dapat sa mga lalaki alagaan din ang asawa or partner nila.. ito lagi ko na lang nababasa sa mga post at forums na the reason why daw yung mga asawang lalaki e naghahanap at nagloloko dahil kulang sa alaga ng asawa. eh kapag ang babae ang nagloko kesyo mala gabi na or hindi kuntento sa isa. di ba pwedeng kaya din nagloko ang babae dahil kulang sa alaga ng asawang lalaki? tao din naman kaming mga babae masakit sa amin ang mareject or hindi man lang bigyan ng importansya.. IMO lang naman ito kasi base sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. nakakapagod at nakakasawa kasi kung puro ikaw na lang ang nagaadjust at umiintindi. ang sabi nga nila ang asawa ay katuwang sa buhay hindi pabigat or amo na dapat mong pagsilbihan sa lahat ng bagay. tapos dapat be sensitive din naman sa feelings ng mga asawang babae kasi kung ang lalaki napapagod sa trabaho mas big time ang pagod namin sa gawaing bahay (though working mom ako). eh kung magpalit na lang kaya ng sitwasyon ang lalaki ang gumawa sa gawaing bahay tutal naman mas madami na ngayon ang mga babae na may trabaho. opinion ko lang naman ito ahh so wag magalit mga hehe

BTW..kaya ang laking impact sa akin ng kanta ni beyonce na "if I were a boy" eh..

[gharz412]

ako naman hindi ko masasasabing di ako inaalagaan ng asawa ko pero alam mo yun ramdam mo na selfish padin siya sa lahat ng bagay...

[p0isonIvy]

If a woman becomes "losyang" I think that is her fault, not her husband.
It is a woman's responsibility to keep herself up, to discipline herself, to eat healthy, to be more joyful, to be more feminine.

^ i agree. pero aside from physical aspect, a woman should also learn to be more "feminine" in interacting with the opposite sex. madami kasi jan, super dominating na dahil sa maling interpretation ng "feminist movement". or claims to be fiercely independent so much so that they tend to intimidate men naman. men are still attracted to someone that "needs" them. they're just wired that way 

[gharz412]

Hay, makapaglabas nga ng sama ng loob dito sa aking butihing   SD, yung father in law ko tumawag kanina na magpapadala daw siya ng pera para sa apo niya, matanda na kase siya at di na niya kaya magdrive papunta sa amin mejo malayo din kase. So ako naman bigay ng info. Around 1pm, bigla niyang binigay yung control number a few minutes more biglang nag ring yung phone and I answered it, si hubby pala so since I don't really want to talk to him anymore so what I did is i dropped the call. Then after that I received a message from him, telling me na bakit daw ako humihingi ng pera sa parents niya, grrrr in the first place di ko yun hiningi, at bakit daw di ako sa kanya magtext, kapal ng mukha after niya di magbigay at dumating sa birthday ng anak ko may gana pang magdemand, hay hindi ko na talaga alam paano gagawin ko sa tatay ng anak ko, hindi naman siya dating ganun...grrrr

[langley]

^sis calm down. Take that as a good sign.
Baka nakapag-isip isip na ang hubby mo.
Always remember family pa din kayo. Asawa mo pa din siya at may anak kayo.
I have a feeling magkakabalikan din kayo ng asawa mo. 

[Girltalker2]

ako naman hindi ko masasasabing di ako inaalagaan ng asawa ko pero alam mo yun ramdam mo na selfish padin siya sa lahat ng bagay...

Alam mo sis, narinig ko narin ito, from someone who said they are happily married.  Oo happy sila kasi I can see naman talaga na they enjoy each other's company.  Tapos hindi nambababae si mister.  Pero one time the wife just told me - selfish naman talaga mga lalaki, kaya sya nalang nga ang nagbibigay.

There are times naman kasi if it is not a big deal, if it is more of "willing" mo naman gawin ang pagsilbi sa kanya, some wives really enjoy it naman kasi, and the husbands like it then, then so be it. Compatible kayo. The problem arises kasi when the guy thinks only of himself and the wife would feel trashed and ignored, dito pumapasok itong eksena ng selfishness ng guy.


@ sis pretty_conservative, ngayon ko lang na realize that husbands should also take care of their wives. sis langley - di ba nasa bible iyan somewhere    (sorry di kasi ako masyado nagbabasa ng bible, pero alam ko narinig ko na iyan minsan).
"Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . "

Anyway, siguro kaya mangha na mangha ako sa BF ko now because I see him take care of me no other person did, kahit ex ko before nung magBF palang kami. He looks after my well being, my health, my skin, etc.  Eh tayong mga girls naman, expected talaga we take care of our men din.  Kasi parang automatic for us. Pero for guys, bibihira ito and once he does, make sure you do the same. 

[gharz412]

^I have a feeling magkakabalikan din kayo ng asawa mo. 
 
Thank you sis Langley pero wala na akong hope na magiging kame ulit. Kilala ko asawa ko pag sinabi niya pinaninindigan niya. Ramdam ko na wala na siyang pakialam at nilet go na niya kame mag ina kaya binigay ko na sa kanya ang gusto niya. Well atleast ngayon nasanay nadin ako na mag isa since ganun naman pakiramdam ko nung kame pa.
 
^ Tapos hindi nambababae si mister.  Pero one time the wife just told me - selfish naman talaga mga lalaki, kaya sya nalang nga ang nagbibigay.
 
Alam mo sis Girltalker, maswerte ako sa situation na hindi nambababae ang asawa ko pero mas masakit pag yung asawa mo walang pakialam totally sayo bilang asawa at ina.
 
^The problem arises kasi when the guy thinks only of himself and the wife would feel trashed and ignored, dito pumapasok itong eksena ng selfishness ng guy.

Nung una hindi ko agad napansin dahil siguro nalunod ako sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya until such time na nagising ako na feeling ko ako nalang ng ako, nakakapagod din pala.   Kaya kahit mahal ko siya paninindigan ko na desisyon ko.
 

[langley]

^ yes ms. girltalker there are also admonitions for husbands

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;  that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
-Ephesians 5:25-27

Ephesians 5:28-31
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—  for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

O di ba mas mabigat ang admonition sa mga lalake. Love your wives just as Christ love the church. We must remember that Jesus Christ died for the church (the church here is not the church na lugar na pinagsisimbahan, the church here is the people, the believers)

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.


So I believe the admonitions for husbands is to sacrificially love their wives.
But the problem is we are all selfish human beings.
I believe apart from Christ a husband cannot sacrificially love her wife
and also apart from Christ the woman cannot respectfully submit to her husband.

[Girltalker2]

If a woman becomes "losyang" I think that is her fault, not her husband.
It is a woman's responsibility to keep herself up, to discipline herself, to eat healthy, to be more joyful, to be more feminine.

To a certain extent, oo, it is the woman's fault kung anong itsura nya. But when she is married, somehow, I believe that the husband should also talk to her, motivate her, inspire her. hindi ba? If the guy does this, I am sure mas madali for the woman to take care of herself.

Kaso kung selfish yung husband at sarili lang iniisip at expect pa nya na alagaan sya ng wife nya na one way lang, on top of the wife's duties na alagaan ang pamilya, ang bahay, at maging breadwinner, mahirap naman ata yun.

^ Tapos hindi nambababae si mister.  Pero one time the wife just told me - selfish naman talaga mga lalaki, kaya sya nalang nga ang nagbibigay.
 
Alam mo sis Girltalker, maswerte ako sa situation na hindi nambababae ang asawa ko pero mas masakit pag yung asawa mo walang pakialam totally sayo bilang asawa at ina.

^The problem arises kasi when the guy thinks only of himself and the wife would feel trashed and ignored, dito pumapasok itong eksena ng selfishness ng guy.

Nung una hindi ko agad napansin dahil siguro nalunod ako sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya until such time na nagising ako na feeling ko ako nalang ng ako, nakakapagod din pala.   Kaya kahit mahal ko siya paninindigan ko na desisyon ko.

Nakakapagod nga din siguro kapag feeling mo lagi kang nag-iisa.  You know best naman siguro sis, so hindi na kita pangungunahan.  But I was hoping na sana makapag usap kayo. Di kaya hindi lang talaga "showy" ang asawa mo at iba ang way nya to show he loves you at ikaw iba din ang expectations mo.
 
 

[gharz412]

Sabi niya ayaw na daw niya ako kausapin at ayoko naman na siya pilitin sis, ibibigay ko na yung gusto. I'll just wait for his next step since the last time we talked he said he wants to file for a legal separation. Hindi ko din alam kung may iba siya or wala ayoko na alamin din basta ako focus sa anak namen...

[GreenArcher]

miss gharz412 bakit po naging legal separation agad ganun ka extreme yung away niyo? Baka naramdaman niya na hindi mo na siya mahal dahil sa away niyo yung mga nasabi to each other or baka naramdaman niya na hindi na siya appreciated?

Kasi pag nagaaway kami before ng ex ko parang naramdaman ko na hindi ako naappreciate kasi after we have dates magaaway kami about something na mababaw tapos minsan lumalala tapos ang pakiramdam ko minsan na hindi na ako mahal or parang taken for granted so nawawalan ako ng gana because of the effort i give tapos magaaway lang kami.

Mature na po ba yung husband like a father figure or he still plays around like a teen? ganyan kasi nangyari sa parents ko my dad was always playing around not doing responsibilities like work always wanted to go out with his friends and do hobbies minsan late na umuuwi tapos maaga umaalis he doesn't even have time for us ng sister ko so ngayon hiwalay parents namin because nahirapan mom ko magtrabaho umabot sa time na wala na din siyang time for us but we understood pero di kami makatulong kasi bata pa kami at that time. so pwede din po na he still wants to enjoy his life and experience it like a single person

nagshare lang po ako ng possibilities based sa experience ko so i don't know

[gharz412]

OMG! He said exactly what you said. And i don't even know  how to please him. I don't know if he is kase nung may work siya alam niya na lumalaki na baby namen he just resigned without letting me know so since mahal ko asawa ko I forgave. Sabi niya saken di na daw siya magiging masaya sa akin, he almost moved on daw so better for me to do it as well. Sobrang hirap kase sarado icip to think na his 37 and im just 26. I don't know din baka gumagawa nalang siya ng reasons