Hindi ko na ba sya mahal?

[Cayennepepper2014]

I don't miss my husband anymore. If he complains about his job, I rotely mutter encouraging words but I feel annoyed because I feel he just whines a lot. If he says he can't talk to me during a scheduled chat (LDR kami), I will just say ok, next time na lang samantalang dati, mag iinarte ako at madidisappoint. Pag nagcomplain sya na me sakit sya, sasabihan ko na lang na mag ingat, uminom ng gamot, magpahinga pero deep inside, I couldnt care less. Dati gustong gusto ko na umuwi sya dito o mabawasan ang number of months ng contract nya, pero ngayon, mas gusto ko na magtagal sya sa malayo. I have been reduced to some wives with OFW husbands na ok lang wag umuwi ang asawa as long as tuloy lang ang sustento. I used to be contemptous of those wives pero feel ko, ganun na ako ngayon.

We have been married for 14 years already. On the second year of our marriage, he abandoned me and married another woman to whom he had a child. Fast forward to 2007, he came back to me, abandoned his mistress and child and managed to have his marriage to the other woman nullified. The other woman is no longer in the picture but his brother still communicates with the mistress. Wala kasi anak na lalaki yun kuya nya kaya inaako nya yung anak ng asawa ko. Bago ko inako ang asawa ko nung bumalik sya sa akin, sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ko kaya na ipapasok pa nya sa buhay namin yung anak nya sa labas. PumAyag naman sya and for a few years, naging ok pagsasama namin at nag make up naman sya sa mga ginawa nyang kasalanan. I have to admit, he did everything he could to make up for his mistakes. Kahit hindi kami nagkakaanak, never nya sa akin inungkat ang anak nya sa babae nya at pilit sya  umiiwas sa kuya nya kasi kinukulit sya na makipag communicate sa anak nya.

2009, nagbuntis ako pero nalaglag.... We tried to get pregnant again pero hindi ako nagbuntis. Until year 2012, his brother messaged him asking him to communicate with his son kasi kawawa naman daw, naghahanap ng ama. Sinabi nya sa akin yun and I asked him ano sagot nya... Sabi nya sa akin, pag uwi na lang daw namin pag usapan... I reminded him of his promise, and he said kawawa naman daw ang bata at hindi naman daw sya masamang tao. Doon nag flare up ako and I told him na kung ipilit nya ipasok ang bata sa buhay namin, maghiwalay na lang kami. Masakit na masakit sa akin yun kasi alam na alam nya na mareremind langbako sa kasalanan nya, and nangako sya sa akin. For almost three months na nasa malayo sya, naging malamig ako sa kanya kahit sinusuyo nya ako until umuwi sya dito sa Pilipinas. binawi nya mga sinabi nya about his kid nabigla lang daw sya at di na daw nya iintindihin kuya nya... He even cc'd me sa email nya sa kuya nya na nagsasabi na hindi na sya interesado sa bata at kung ipipilit ng kuya nya ang gusto nya, magkanyahan na lang sila. BTW, the mistress doesnt want any sustento according to the kuya. Anyway, nung umuwi sya ng 2012 I got pregnant and delivered to a healthy baby boy in 2013. He was attentive to my needs during my pregnancy, lahat ibinigay nya sa amin ng anak ko, pero I was never able to move on to our issue with his kid. Idagdag pa na nung nanganak ako sa baby namin, hindi man lang ako inasikaso ng nanay nya na sinusustentuhan nya. Tapos nun nag open ako sa mom nya na naghihinanakit ako sa kanya, ang sabi madami naman daw akong alalay at mga nurse at doctor na mag aasikaso. Sinabi ko yun sa asawa ko hoping to receive his sympathy. Nung nasa abroad sya, sympathetic with matching promise pa na wala silang maasahan sa kanya kasi pinabayaan kami habang wala sya. Pero wag ka, nung umuwi sya, andami pasalubong at never man lang nag ungkat na di ako inasikaso ng pamilya nya nun nanganak ako.

Because of this, I feel completely resentful of my husband and my inlaws. Nung umuwi sya, pinabayaan ko sya na mag alaga at makipag bonding sa anak namin. He seemed to be so happy kahit na dinededma ko sya. Ni I love u, yakap o halik, wala sya nakuha sa akin. We managed to have s*x pero ganun lang yun. I couldnt feel any affection towards him anymore. And he seemed not to mind then until he left again for his 6months contract last feb.

Gaya ng sabi ko kanina, hindi ko sya namimiss, I feel soooooooo resentful and contemptous of him. And napapansin na nya.. Siguro kasi wala nang baby na sumasalo ng pagmamahal nya kasi malayo sya sa amin. Dati kasi kahit di ko sya lambingin, si baby na lang aasikasuhin nya, ok na. He wants us to go back to the way we were, pero di ko Lam kung pano ko maibabalik ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Ayoko naman maghiwalay kami lalo na may baby na kami, ayoko rin makahanap sya ng ibang babae kasi for sure lalayasan ko sya at lalo akong magagalit sa kanya. Pero I do not know what to do with myself anymore.

Pano ko ba sya mamahalin ulit? Pano ko makakalimutan yung galit sa kanya dahil muntik na nyang sirain yung pangako nya sa akin. Please do not judge me kung ayaw kong ipasok sa buhay namin ang anak nya sa naging kabit nya. Para kasi sa akin, reminder sya ng kasalanan ng asawa ko sa akin. Alam ko walang kinalaman ang bata sa katarantaduhan ng mga magulang nya pero pano naman ang peace of mind ko?

Well, anyway, i guess super haba na nito...sana matulungan nyo ko kasi malapit na sya umuwi sa August. He is so excited na magbonding daw kami ng baby namin... Ako naman, I am silently dreading the day na katabi na naman namin sya pagtulog. 

[momentum]

^ question ko lang sis. What's holding you back ba from ending your relationship with your husband? Is his sustento the only reason why you can't leave him? May work ka ba or any means to earn your own money? Bakit ka pa nagpabuntis kung ganyan pala nararamdaman mo?

If I were in your shoes, I will probably go to marriage counseling with him.. Try to sort things out and bring back "the spark". When you both are in the road to recovery, you gotta put the past behind para hindi na madala sa present. Mahirap but it has to be done. Problema kasi sa mga LDRs marami talaga puwedeng mangyari : third party, pagiging cold to each other, psychological and emotional abandonment which sounds like that is what is happening to you na.

For how long ba siya magwowork abroad?  For life na ba talaga yan? Wala na ba talagang ibang choice? Hindi ko ata kaya yang set-up na LDR talaga. I'd rather na wala nalang asawa kesa LDR kasi ang daming puwedeng mangyari, just my POV. Maybe its time to reconsider talking to him about working in the same country, that is, if you still want this marriage to work.

[brandi]

Im still single sis so hindi ko sure kung tama ba yung observation ko pero based on your story kasi, since 2nd year of marriage niyo pa lang nagloko na siya, kahit you've been married for 14 years na, feeling ko you've lived a life full of anger and hatred kaya ka ganyan. Just because you are angry, you are getting rid of him out from your system unintentionally. Para mabawasan or mawala yung hurt, you are trying to avoid and make yourself distant from the stimulus or what's causing the uncomfortable feeling. If such situation didn't happen, i don't think you won't seem to care less with your husband. Sa paglayo mo sa hubby mo, nakatulong din na he's working abroad, kasi nga dahil hindi siya present physically, yun nga, parang nasasanay ka na wala siya kaya feeling mo anytime kahit maghiwalay kayo kaya mo.

For me, why don't you give him a chance to prove himself? The fact that he's willing to give up his illegitimate child for you, i can tell na he's still sincere for you and he wants to keep you. Ask yourself din sis if you did your part din ba to make your relationship work. It will all start in forgiveness sis. If you won't, ikaw lang din ang magdadala and mag suffer niyan. Give him a chance and try to work it out. Pag ok na, next level naman, learn to accept his anak sa labas since sabi mo nga wala naman siya kasalanan at in all fairness the mistress didn't ask for any support.

Alam ko hindi madali, and siyempre hindi ko pa naman na experience myself pero yun nga, baka kasi lahat ng nararamdaman mo e dahil galit ka nga. So let go of that anger. It will do you no good. 

[aquacharly]

HINDI KO NA BA SYA MAHAL?

Sa basa ko sa cuento, mahal mo pa.
BUT you have not yet forgiven him... Although pinabalik mo na sya  into your life again.
Sa basa ko, isip mo hindi pa sya nakabawi sa malaking sama ng loob he gave you all those years hiwalay kayo.  Mas okay nga kung maupakan mo para  ma release mo na yang rage & bitterness in you.  Oh well, apparently that's out of the question.

But the thing is, Pride  will not let you admit na inspite of his big-time Betrayal, eh mahal mo pa rin yan.
Your Hurt is so big too, you cannot help but make him share some of your pain.
Kaya damay damay lahat.
Yes, you suffered a lot, and na sagasaan your self worth.
Kaya yung Pride mo demands na prove nya sa yo at sa lahat na ikaw pinaka importante sa kanya now.   
Kaya ka nag reklamo about the lack of attention ng MIL mo when you gave birth...  ok ka when he said zero maasahan nila. But you got pissed ng marami parin pasalubong.
Pride pa rin kaya require mo no contact with the son, kahit zero sustento demand.
Ipinamumukha mo sa husband mo na como sya may big pagkakamali sa yo, pwes ikaw masusunod.

Sinasabi  mo lang paklang pakla ka because of Pride & your Fear na baka bumalik sa mistress & son.

You sort yourself out, be truthful to yourself. Pride & takot will not get you what you want: peace of mind & a harmonious relationship.

Kung hindi mo pa talaga ma forgive, what can he do?  BUT you accepted him back. How can you go on not being your best?  Put The Past behind you.  Bakit mo pa pinabalik to just later on drive him away??

If you do not think you can ever forgive him, kahit mahal mo pa --  leave him.  What for kayo magsasama pa if you are bitter & you make him feel it -- sooner or later, hindi yan bato, he will look for comfort with another woman. 

[budzwhiz]

I think you're blinded by anger and resentment, which you've mistaken for "falling out of love". Based on your kwento, sis, yan sa tingin ko. Sa tingin ko mahal mo pa sya, mas nangingibabaw nga lang yung galit mo sa kanya, dahil mukang hindi ka pa talagang nakaka move on sa nagawa nya noon. I think you better talk to him about these things when he gets home. Good luck.

[nixiquita]

Uhm. Sorry but i think its a little selfish of you to be acting like that. Demanding him to 'resent' his family just because you feel resentful about them.

Iba yung galit ka at nagtatampo tapos nagsusumbong, kesa sa galit ka na nga at gusto mo rin magalit ang asawa mo sa mga taong ayaw mo.

Im pertaining to his mom and his kid.

To answer your question, i dont think you love him.

Youve been too consumed with your anger and hatred so maybe little by little, you lost your feelings for him.

i cannot feel in any way in any part of your story that you actually still feel something for your husband.

even dun sa pagtanggap mo ulit sakanya. maybe hindi mo na siya mahal noon pa.

maybe its time to set each other free.
ikaw. at siya. at lahat ng tao sa paligid niyo.

idk, maybe i just dont know the whole story. just stating my pov havin read your sitch. i hope you dont take offense on what i said. just my observation. just my two cents.

[mooncake and leaves]

i'm not married so i may be off here but i think that anger is sometimes so powerful that it blinds us to a lot of the good things in our lives. your husband, though he may have made a huge mistake in the past, came back to you and tried to do right by you. to a fault, even. to the point of abandoning his own child. and i think a lot of your anger comes from the fact that you know you're not being fair either. the child deserves a father and you can't make him pay for the mistakes of his parents. let go of what doesn't work. staving off the kid did not, does not, give you peace of mind. maybe letting him in to your lives will.

[bonita111809]

magpapasintabi na ako baka may masabi akong hindi mo magustuhan. ito ay opinyon ko lang naman.


para sa akin, masyado kang makasarili. imagine yourself being the child of a married man and a mistress and your father is an absentee. anong mararamdaman mo? sinabi mong wag kang i-judge at alam mong walang kinalaman ang bata, pero ba't ganyan ka? peace of mind mo? noong tinanggap mo ulit yung asawa mo, dapat alam mo sa sarili mo na mag-aadjust ka sa maraming bagay. you can't just take your husband away from his child. that's his child for pete's sake!


tapos ngayon gusto mo naman magalit sya sa pamilya nya dahil galit ka sa kanila? seriously, nasa gang age ka pa ba? hindi ka pwedeng makipag-kumpetensya sa babaeng nagluwal sa asawa mo, yan ang lagi mong tatandaan. wala sya ngayon sa piling mo kung hindi dahil sa nanay nya. nanay ka na rin kaya dapat alam mo na yan.


have you ever imagined how hard it is for your husband to work his ass off for you and his child with you? all the stress from work, all those times that he was being at his best only to be sized up by another man, and when he comes to you to get support and empathy, you're emotionally absent.


sa totoo lang, naaawa ako sa asawa mo. kung wala kang planong magbago, PAKAWALAN MO NA SYA. it's either you stay and try to be better or just leave and save yourself, especially him, from heartache and stress.


12 years has passed and you haven't forgiven him after all he has done for you. wow.


kung gusto mo talagang mag-work pa ang relasyon nyo, ang una mong gawin ay magdasal. magdasal ka na tanggalin ng nasa itaas ang galit na nararamdaman mo. yan ang nagpipigil sayo na magpatawad ng buo.

[Priceless]

I read your post the other day pa and binalik balikan ko before I post my two cents. I understand the predicament of you being apart from your husband - and I've always said that absence can either make the heart grow fonder - or it can make the heart forget. And in your case, you let yourself slip into the mindset na ang buhay mo aandar without him (only his money). Yun ang unang una mong pagkakamali - and I guess hindi pa huli ang lahat for you to change that, if you still want to.

But let's put you and your feelings towards your husband to one side for the moment. I always wondered about what "high maintenance" women are like, and you sound like one. Seriously - you demanded your husband to forget his obligations to his son and leave his family to take care of that? Sino ba namang magkaka amor sa in-law na tulad mo? And you wonder why his family dislikes you? Demand that your MIL takes care of you? Wala ka bang nanay? O baka naman pati sarili mong pamilya hindi din good terms with you? The fact that he provides for his mom, at nagpapasalubong sya sa mga kamag anak nya pag uwi, hindi ibig sabihin nun na may obligasyon silang pagsilbihan ka.

Sadly, you have used all the betrayal and the pain that you've experienced to make yourself ugly inside. In some ways, mabuti na rin na hindi mo plinastic yung stepson mo at hindi ka nya nakasama kasi baka pati sya ma-damage mo pa.

Your husband? Well, I hope he realizes what he has and what he doesn't have. And that he realizes his own self worth. If and when he does, pray ka he doesn't run as fast as he can away from you. And you gotta pray harder that his next wife/partner does not do what you asked him to do sa anak nya.

[aquacharly]

^you got it all down pat.  Galing!

Love  begets love.
You reap what you sow.

Ano pa? 

Pray for Divine Guidance.

[iamwithname]

I'm asking myself the same question

We're not yet married but we already have a kid. I also have a big problem with my MIL. Lalo na ngayon she found out na sinampal ko ang anak nya. Reason?? nahuli ko lang naman nambabae ang asawa ko! Feeling ko sagad na sagad na ang pasensya ko sa partner ko. Wala na nga syang trabaho lakas pa nya mag laro ng vid. game. Iinom uumagahin ng uwi. Kaya parang nafo-fall out of love na ko sakanya.

But I always think of my friend's advise.. I-pag pray ko din daw ang relationship namin kay God. Until now, nade-depress ako sa nangyayari sa buhay ko.. feeling ko ang malas malas ko sakanya. I feel so miserable. But I'm still praying and ask for God's guidance.

[princessrio]

the only thing you have to do to love him again is to forgive him. you have been consumed by your anger that you totally forgot you love him. ikaw na nagsabi.. he has done everything to make up for his mistakes. so your husband is not the problem. ikaw ang may problema. hindi ka makalet go sa kasalanang ginawa nya sa yo. kung hindi ka maka let go, why continue the relationship with him in the first place? paano mo sya natanggap na may galit ka?

saka para kang bata. porke nainis ka sa MIL mo, kailangan mainis na rin sya? dapat kung ano sinabi mo, yun ang masusunod?

and also, ipasok o hindi man nya ipasok ang stepson sa picture o sa buhay nyo, you're never going to have peace of mind.

if you are not going to forgive him and you will continue to be cold, bitter and resentful, it might be na sa hiwalayan din bagsak nyo. do remember that he is capable of leaving you for another woman.

[bonita111809]

I'm asking myself the same question

We're not yet married but we already have a kid. I also have a big problem with my MIL. Lalo na ngayon she found out na sinampal ko ang anak nya. Reason?? nahuli ko lang naman nambabae ang asawa ko! Feeling ko sagad na sagad na ang pasensya ko sa partner ko. Wala na nga syang trabaho lakas pa nya mag laro ng vid. game. Iinom uumagahin ng uwi. Kaya parang nafo-fall out of love na ko sakanya.

But I always think of my friend's advise.. I-pag pray ko din daw ang relationship namin kay God. Until now, nade-depress ako sa nangyayari sa buhay ko.. feeling ko ang malas malas ko sakanya. I feel so miserable. But I'm still praying and ask for God's guidance.

matanong ko lang iamwithname, bakit walang trabaho yung live-in partner mo? ilang taon na syang ganyan at anong ginawa mo para mapursige syang magtrabaho para sa anak nyo? (sa anak lang naman nya ang responsibilidad nya since hindi kayo kasal).

wala syang karapatang mambabae pero wala ka ring karapatang saktan sya ng pisikal kaya tama lang na magalit sayo ang nanay ng kinakasama mo. hindi pa nga kayo kasal, ganyan ka na. what more kung asawa ka na nya? tsk!

tinanong mo ba kung bakit sya adik sa video game at kung bakit sya inuumaga ng uwi dahil sa pag-iinom? kapag ang lalake uminom nang ganyan ka-lala may problema yan. nag-try ka man lang bang kausapin sya? alam mo kung anong feeling ng live-in partner mo ngayon? wala syang silbi. kasi pinamumukha sa kanya, kaya pinangangatawanan na nya.

tanungin mo din ang sarili mo kung ano ang nagawa at hindi mo nagawa para sa live-in partner mo. baka mamaya, yun ang rason nya kung bakit sya nambabae.

[cecilydee]

I'm asking myself the same question

We're not yet married but we already have a kid. I also have a big problem with my MIL. Lalo na ngayon she found out na sinampal ko ang anak nya. Reason?? nahuli ko lang naman nambabae ang asawa ko! Feeling ko sagad na sagad na ang pasensya ko sa partner ko. Wala na nga syang trabaho lakas pa nya mag laro ng vid. game. Iinom uumagahin ng uwi. Kaya parang nafo-fall out of love na ko sakanya.

But I always think of my friend's advise.. I-pag pray ko din daw ang relationship namin kay God. Until now, nade-depress ako sa nangyayari sa buhay ko.. feeling ko ang malas malas ko sakanya. I feel so miserable. But I'm still praying and ask for God's guidance.

sorry to TS, although she said a lot here..I cant comment much but to you iamwithaname...

I think the answer is very clear. You are in the brink of falling out of love and I dont think your guy is mature to enter into marriage. Hindi ikaw makakapagpabago sa kanya..nor his parents who feed his immaturity. I say go ahead and find your bliss outside of your relationship...yes ipag pray mo but i think its time for you to move on na..buti pa nga hindi pa kayo kasal. Si TS kasi kasal, naglalaban parin ang vows niya sa feelings niya..

[iamwithname]

Thanks sa mga advises nyo mga sis.

I admit na may mga pagkukulang din naman ako. Nasampal ko sya bugso ng galit ko.He did it not only once.. I've read many stories, narealize ko ang simple lang pala ng problema ko. 2 years pa lang kami nagsasama so I have to prepare myself into bigger problems.

We're not able to get married yet kasi nagiipon pa kami. My husband talked to me earlier this morning, and he said sorry and so did I. I know there's still love between us. Mas mahirap pala makipag hiwalay kapag may anak na kayo.. Kasi palaging unang iisipin yung anak.

About sa MIL ko naman, hindi pa kami nakakpag usap dahil hindi magtagpo ang time namin. Masama lang talaga ang loob ko kasi feeling ko na-judge nya ako. Though naintindihan ko ang feeling nya dahil ina na rin ako. 

I'm praying for all of us to have peace.

[bonita111809]

Thanks sa mga advises nyo mga sis.

I admit na may mga pagkukulang din naman ako. Nasampal ko sya bugso ng galit ko.He did it not only once.. I've read many stories, narealize ko ang simple lang pala ng problema ko. 2 years pa lang kami nagsasama so I have to prepare myself into bigger problems.

We're not able to get married yet kasi nagiipon pa kami. My husband talked to me earlier this morning, and he said sorry and so did I. I know there's still love between us. Mas mahirap pala makipag hiwalay kapag may anak na kayo.. Kasi palaging unang iisipin yung anak.

About sa MIL ko naman, hindi pa kami nakakpag usap dahil hindi magtagpo ang time namin. Masama lang talaga ang loob ko kasi feeling ko na-judge nya ako. Though naintindihan ko ang feeling nya dahil ina na rin ako. 

I'm praying for all of us to have peace.

he did it not only once and you're still hanging on. bakit? dahil sa bata? kung para sa bata na lang ang pagsasama nyo, hindi pa rin kayo magiging masaya.

kahit hindi pa kayo kasal, I suggest you read this book: secrets to fascinating womanhood by david coory. baka lang makatulong sa dilemma mo. I still believe in happy endings kaya kung pwede pa namang isalba ang relasyon nyo, gawin nyo hindi lang para sa bata, most especially para sa inyong dalawa. hindi mananatili sa inyo ang anak nyo. magkakaron din yan ng sariling pamilya balang araw. at pag nangyari yun, kayong dalawa ng partner mo ang maiiwan. anong pundasyon ang sasandalan nyo kung hindi nyo aayusin ang relasyon nyo ngayon?

hindi kayo nagsama para magkaanak. although nasa bible yan, hindi yan ang sole purpose ng pagsasama ng babae at lalake. nag-iinvest kayo sa isa't isa, ng mga magagandang ala-ala. kahit may konting hirap, dapat mas matimbang parin yung masasayang memories. mag-invest kayo ngayon para pagtanda nyo, marami kayong babalikan na magpapangiti sa inyo. nasa kamay mo ang relasyon nyo. kaya dapat simulan mo sa sarili mo ang pagbabago.

[princeza08]

nice one sis! totally agree.

he did it not only once and you're still hanging on. bakit? dahil sa bata? kung para sa bata na lang ang pagsasama nyo, hindi pa rin kayo magiging masaya.

kahit hindi pa kayo kasal, I suggest you read this book: secrets to fascinating womanhood by david coory. baka lang makatulong sa dilemma mo. I still believe in happy endings kaya kung pwede pa namang isalba ang relasyon nyo, gawin nyo hindi lang para sa bata, most especially para sa inyong dalawa. hindi mananatili sa inyo ang anak nyo. magkakaron din yan ng sariling pamilya balang araw. at pag nangyari yun, kayong dalawa ng partner mo ang maiiwan. anong pundasyon ang sasandalan nyo kung hindi nyo aayusin ang relasyon nyo ngayon?

hindi kayo nagsama para magkaanak. although nasa bible yan, hindi yan ang sole purpose ng pagsasama ng babae at lalake. nag-iinvest kayo sa isa't isa, ng mga magagandang ala-ala. kahit may konting hirap, dapat mas matimbang parin yung masasayang memories. mag-invest kayo ngayon para pagtanda nyo, marami kayong babalikan na magpapangiti sa inyo. nasa kamay mo ang relasyon nyo. kaya dapat simulan mo sa sarili mo ang pagbabago.

wow sis! direct to the point talaga ha! hehe... in fairness, agree ako sa'yo dito =)

magpapasintabi na ako baka may masabi akong hindi mo magustuhan. ito ay opinyon ko lang naman.


para sa akin, masyado kang makasarili. imagine yourself being the child of a married man and a mistress and your father is an absentee. anong mararamdaman mo? sinabi mong wag kang i-judge at alam mong walang kinalaman ang bata, pero ba't ganyan ka? peace of mind mo? noong tinanggap mo ulit yung asawa mo, dapat alam mo sa sarili mo na mag-aadjust ka sa maraming bagay. you can't just take your husband away from his child. that's his child for pete's sake!


tapos ngayon gusto mo naman magalit sya sa pamilya nya dahil galit ka sa kanila? seriously, nasa gang age ka pa ba? hindi ka pwedeng makipag-kumpetensya sa babaeng nagluwal sa asawa mo, yan ang lagi mong tatandaan. wala sya ngayon sa piling mo kung hindi dahil sa nanay nya. nanay ka na rin kaya dapat alam mo na yan.


have you ever imagined how hard it is for your husband to work his ass off for you and his child with you? all the stress from work, all those times that he was being at his best only to be sized up by another man, and when he comes to you to get support and empathy, you're emotionally absent.


sa totoo lang, naaawa ako sa asawa mo. kung wala kang planong magbago, PAKAWALAN MO NA SYA. it's either you stay and try to be better or just leave and save yourself, especially him, from heartache and stress.


12 years has passed and you haven't forgiven him after all he has done for you. wow.


kung gusto mo talagang mag-work pa ang relasyon nyo, ang una mong gawin ay magdasal. magdasal ka na tanggalin ng nasa itaas ang galit na nararamdaman mo. yan ang nagpipigil sayo na magpatawad ng buo.

[bonita111809]

^^ thanks sis princeza08. ayoko kasi mag sugar coat. kung anong dapat sabihin, sabihin na. hehe. 

[Girltalker2]

I'm asking myself the same question

We're not yet married but we already have a kid. I also have a big problem with my MIL. Lalo na ngayon she found out na sinampal ko ang anak nya. Reason?? nahuli ko lang naman nambabae ang asawa ko! Feeling ko sagad na sagad na ang pasensya ko sa partner ko. Wala na nga syang trabaho lakas pa nya mag laro ng vid. game. Iinom uumagahin ng uwi. Kaya parang nafo-fall out of love na ko sakanya.

But I always think of my friend's advise.. I-pag pray ko din daw ang relationship namin kay God. Until now, nade-depress ako sa nangyayari sa buhay ko.. feeling ko ang malas malas ko sakanya. I feel so miserable. But I'm still praying and ask for God's guidance.

OMG, sis. No one would want to be in your position right now.

Di kayo kasal.
Nambababae sya.
Naglalasing.
Walang trabaho.
Addict sa video games.
Monster MIL.

What more can you ask for?  Bugbugin ka?

No questions ask, forget about love, leave that guy or else your life will be hell.  And 2 yrs palang kayo together ganyan na? Baka next time patayin ka na nyan. 

I am sorry, pero sa ganyang situation, puede kong masabi na mahal mo pa sya, pero kung puede sana ipagpray mo na huwag mo na mahalin ang kumag na iyan kasi sya lang ang sisira ng buhay ninyong mag-ina.

I admit na may mga pagkukulang din naman ako. Nasampal ko sya bugso ng galit ko.He did it not only once.. I've read many stories, narealize ko ang simple lang pala ng problema ko. 2 years pa lang kami nagsasama so I have to prepare myself into bigger problems.

Sis, the problems you are having now are the bigger problems you are to face when you get married, not BEFORE you get married. And once you get married, yes they are going to get worse, why do you want this relationship?

We're not able to get married yet kasi nagiipon pa kami. My husband talked to me earlier this morning, and he said sorry and so did I. I know there's still love between us. Mas mahirap pala makipag hiwalay kapag may anak na kayo.. Kasi palaging unang iisipin yung anak.

BS. He is sorry? My god sa dami ng ginawa nya, isang "sorry" lang, ok na ang lahat. Oh well, that's your life anyway. Ano ba pakelam ng iba kung mas lalo kang mahirapan or even anak mo makakita ng bad example sa inutil nyang tatay. It's your life.

About sa MIL ko naman, hindi pa kami nakakpag usap dahil hindi magtagpo ang time namin. Masama lang talaga ang loob ko kasi feeling ko na-judge nya ako. Though naintindihan ko ang feeling nya dahil ina na rin ako. 

Hwat!!?  Are you serious?  anong pakelam ng mil mo sa pagsasama ninyo?  Kaya lumaking inutil ang anak nya dahil sa kanya.  Don't tell me you are your mil in the making, that will bring up a son that will be spoiled to death para matrato nya ang asawa nya gaya ng pagtrato ng asawa mo sayo.

I am sorry, I just cannot help but be blunt about your situation. Your life is hell. If you want advise, get out of there.

So your question is "Kung mahal mo pa ang asawa mo?"

Ang sagot ko, you are on the right track pag hindi mo na sya mahal. Kasi kung mahal mo pa sya, ewan ko na, the words I can say to you is just beyond me.  Go home to your parents, forget about your guy.

[Cayennepepper2014]

Thank you for all your comments and suggestions.

Siguro hindi ko naiexpress maayos ang feelings ko kaya some of you jumped to the conclusion that I have been making my husband's life hell since he came back.

When he asked me if he could come home, sinabi ko sa kanya na magkakaroon lang ako ng peace of mind at makakapag move on kung walang reminder ng kasalanan nya sa akin. If he told me na hindi nya pwedeng gawin yun, I wouldn't have taken him back. I asked him for an annullment noon, pero ayaw naman nya.

The reason why I was so mad at him when he breached the subject of his kid after 5 years is that I felt betrayed all over again. Ano yun, nakipagkasundo sya sa akin na hindi nya ipapasok sa buhay nya ang bunga ng kasalanan nya, tapos all of a sudden, sisirain nya kasunduan namin? Selfish na kung selfish pero he had a choice to leave me and have our marriage annulled and have a life with his mistress and his kid or even with someone new who would allow him to be a dad to his kid, dahil alam ko na hindi kami magiging masaya at hindi kami magmo move on kung mananatili ang bata sa buhay namin.

para sa akin, masyado kang makasarili. imagine yourself being the child of a married man and a mistress and your father is an absentee. anong mararamdaman mo? sinabi mong wag kang i-judge at alam mong walang kinalaman ang bata, pero ba't ganyan ka? peace of mind mo? noong tinanggap mo ulit yung asawa mo, dapat alam mo sa sarili mo na mag-aadjust ka sa maraming bagay. you can't just take your husband away from his child. that's his child for pete's sake!


tapos ngayon gusto mo naman magalit sya sa pamilya nya dahil galit ka sa kanila? seriously, nasa gang age ka pa ba? hindi ka pwedeng makipag-kumpetensya sa babaeng nagluwal sa asawa mo, yan ang lagi mong tatandaan. wala sya ngayon sa piling mo kung hindi dahil sa nanay nya. nanay ka na rin kaya dapat alam mo na yan.

It would have been different if he had this kid before he married me. I know I will be able to accept him sa buhay namin dahil nakaraan sya. But this kid is the fruit of his sin and was one of the causes of my misery. Kamukha ng nanay, so pag makikita ko, maaalalala ko ang babaeng sumira sa pagsasama namin. Sabihin na na masyado akong praning, pero siguro, kung ikaw ay bagong kasal at nasa honeymoon stage pa lang, and you havent experienced the pain of betrayal, wala ka naman siguro sa posisyon para sabihin sa akin na selfish ako dahil ayokong ipasok pa sa buhay namin ang bata na bunga ng pagkakasala sa akin ng asawa ko. Ibalik ko sayo ang sinabi mo sa akin, kung sa yo nangyari ito, at this point that you are madly in love with your husband, then he had an affair and a kid with  the mistress, can you honestly, with all your heart, say that you won't be affected everytime makikita mo ang bata?

Probably the reason why I am still very much affected with this issue is that we have not discussed the possibility that he would still want to see his kid. He avoided talking about it probably because he didn't want me to be reminded of his mistake. Believe me, if he said he wanted to be with his son, I would gladly give him an annullment than be filled with resentment for the rest of my life. Some of you would probably say, "so, what's keeping you from doing it now?" We have a 9month old son who he adores, and my husband keeps telling me na ayaw nya masira pa ang pamilya namin.

That is simply the reason why I came here... To seek help to keep our family together. Alam ko na wala na sa kanya ang problema. I am just someone who is simply asking how to fall in love with my husband again when I have this brewing resentment towards him because of an incident that happened two years ago. ( it was not because he had an affair, or he has a child with another woman; it was because I felt betrayed because he thought of breaking a promise that he made to me. A promise that was the basis of our new start.) i have already made peace that he had sinned 12 years ago. Tanggap ko na yun. Ang di ko lang kayang tanggapin ay yung isasakripisyo nya yung binuo namin dahil lang sa sulsol ng kuya nya na may iba namang motibo.

I always wondered about what "high maintenance" women are like, and you sound like one. Seriously - you demanded your husband to forget his obligations to his son and leave his family to take care of that? Sino ba namang magkaka amor sa in-law na tulad mo? And you wonder why his family dislikes you? Demand that your MIL takes care of you? Wala ka bang nanay? O baka naman pati sarili mong pamilya hindi din good terms with you? The fact that he provides for his mom, at nagpapasalubong sya sa mga kamag anak nya pag uwi, hindi ibig sabihin nun na may obligasyon silang pagsilbihan ka.

Sadly, you have used all the betrayal and the pain that you've experienced to make yourself ugly inside. In some ways, mabuti na rin na hindi mo plinastic yung stepson mo at hindi ka nya nakasama kasi baka pati sya ma-damage mo pa.

Your husband? Well, I hope he realizes what he has and what he doesn't have. And that he realizes his own self worth. If and when he does, pray ka he doesn't run as fast as he can away from you. And you gotta pray harder that his next wife/partner does not do what you asked him to do sa anak nya.

Madadamage ko ang anak nya? Eh pano ang anak ko? Pano ko sasabihin at ieexplain sa kanya na may anak sa labas ang tatay nya at one point in our marriage, tinarantado ako ng tatay nya? My husband doesnt even want our own kid to know about his mistake, so pano nya gagawin na ipapasok ang bata sa buhay namin without our child knowing about it? It's just a matter of choice, and is it my fault he chose us?

Hindi ako nasa gang age, at hindi rin ako isip bata, pero as a wife whose husband isnt around during the birth of our baby, masama ba na maghangad na may dumamay na inlaws sa panahong ito? And to answer your question, Priceless, i am in good terms sa pamilya ko. But my father is too old to accompany me to the hospital, my mom is already dead, my brothers and their family are already living abroad. If I had my family with me, hindi ako maghahanap ng tulong nila. Pero naawa ako sa sarili ko dahil naramdaman ko na mag isa ako sa panahon na kailangan ko ng kasama. I don't think my inlaws dislike me...they are just self absorbed. Hindi naman ako nakikipagkumpetensya sa nanay ng asawa ko at hindi ko naman sinasabi na awayin ng asawa ko ang pamilya nya. Masama bang sumama ang loob sa MIL na kapag me kailangan sayo, takbo ka agad to her rescue, pero sa panahon na kailangan ka nya ang sagot sa yo ano pa gagawin nya sa tabi mo, me mga nurses at doctors naman na aalalay sayo? Hindi ko rin iniexpect o inoobliga na pagsilbihan nila ako sa hospital dahil binubuhay sila ng asawa ko, pero yung presence man lang sana ng MIL ko lalo na at wala sa tabi namin ang anak nya. At hindi na rin lang siguro for my sake, apo nya ang anak ko, hindi ba? Alin, pag may kailangan, anjan agad sa harap mo, me pamasahe at pantext. Pag alam nila na maiinconvenience sila, missing in action na? Kung ikaw nasa katayuan ko, di ka ba maiinis? At masama ba na makaramdam ng pagkainis sa asawa mo na dinedma lang ang ginawa ng pamilya nya sa mag ina nya? He knew I had no one to rely on dito nung nanganak ako, yun pamilya lang nya, pero MIA sa panahon na kailangan namin ng karamay, di ba ako maghihinanakit na sana man lang nung umuwi sya pinakita man lamang nya sa pamilya nya na "they should take care of us the same way we are taking care of them". Aba eh, mas mabuti pa yung hindi namin kapamilya, umabsent sa trabaho para lang pagroom in sa anak ko, me tao sa room kasi nahuli akong ilabas sa OR. Alam yan ng asawa ko, pero puro "awa man kayo ni beybi... Kainis naman yan sina mama, pagsasabihan ko nga yan pag uwi ko..." Puro sya salita, pag uwi nya aysus parang walang nangyari. Ang akin lang, wag ka magbibitaw ng pangako kung di ka naman makakapagdeliver. I feel resentful sa inlaws ko, but I feel more resentful sa husband ko dahil pakiramdam ko, magaling lang syang mangako. I think ito yung nakadagdag talaga sa pagkainis ko sa asawa ko.

Hindi naman siguro ako total b*tch that some of you here has made me out to be, otherwise, hindi naman siguro magtatagal na makisama sa akin ulit ang asawa ko, or hindi na lang siguro nya ako binalikan.

I have been nothing but a good wife to him since he came back home to me in 2007. Nilunok ko ang kahihiyan everytime may mga kamag anak sya na napagkakamalan na ako yung babae nya. Ni wala sya narinig na sumbat o kahit isang mura mula sa akin. All I did was tell him what I want and what I needed in order to move on. I gave him a clean slate pagkatapos nya magdesisyon. Tinanggap ko ang pangako nya, and I feel I am entitled to react if that promise is being threatened to be broken. If that means I am high maintenance, siguro nga high maintenance ako.

Siguro, tama ka aquacharly, kung napektosan ko siguro yung asawa ko noon, Hindi siguro ako ganito kagalit dahil sa nasabi nya. When I read your comment, ramdam ko yung psychoanalysis mo sa akin. And yes, tama ka, dapat ko sya patawarin completely if I want things to be good between us.

As I have said earlier, I came here because I was hoping someone could tell me how to fall in love with my husband again kahit sa panahong ito naiinis ako sa kanya. I have tried reading self help books pero hay naku, ang hirap ipasok sa puso. Meron kaya sa inyo na naexperience yung galit ka pero gusto mo ayusin? Mas nangingibabaw kasi sa akin yung pagkainis kesa sa maging receptive sa kanya. I asked here, "hindi ko na ba sya mahal?" Kasi hindi ko alam kung hindi na nga ba talaga o in denial lang ako. Ayokong masira ang sinimulan namin kaya kahit ifake ko ang love na yan, ipifake ko wag lang magtuloy tuloy itong nararamdaman ko.