My husband "abandoned" us

[ejxtwo]

3 weeks ago, hubby left for a business meeting abroad, at first ayokong payagan kasi yung week na nawawala sya, wala din kaming helpers kasi nag-leave but sabi nya 3 days and 2 weeks lang daw sila dun so pumayag na din ako. For 2 days meron pa kaming communication, but nung last day nya wala na. Akala ko kasi pauwi na sya but hindi sya umuwi. After 3 days, he called me. Sorry daw kasi nag-extend yung business trip nila. Nasa Taiwan na sya, ang sabi nya sakin nun sa Hong Kong lang sila.

But after that conversation, wala na ulit. Until right now. Pinuntahan ko yung office nya pero ang sabi sakin nag-file na daw ng indefinite leave ngayong week lang, I kept calling and texting him but cannot be reached na. I don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. Bago naman sya umalis alam ko wala kaming problema except that bumili sya ng bagong condo and kotse but not for us and feeling ko may babae sya. We're 14 years married with 1 daughter, and now I'm 29 weeks pregnant. Every day hinahanap sya sakin ng daughter namin, hindi ko alam isasagot ko. May isang part na nagsasabi na he abandoned us already, meron din naman na baka may nangyaring masama sa kanya but I'm really really clueless. Help me sissies

[bonita111809]

hi sissy. I'm so sorry to know you're in that situation right now. you must be feeling mixed emotions. nung pumunta ka ba sa office, did they tell you kung baket nag-indefinite leave sya when he told you he's on a business trip? it's okay to tell his employer of what's going on para matulungan ka rin nila.


maybe you could ask if it's true na he was sent for a business meeting. and then you can go on from there.


bago sya umalis, alam mo ba kung may kasama syang colleague? you have to think of other ways to contact him kase.


I suggest you sought help from your in-laws kase baka may nasabi din sa kanila yung husband mo. mas prefer ko ang in-laws kesa your own relatives para wala munang masabi yung relatives mo sa asawa mo. you still have to protect him from scrutiny even in this trying times. you're pregnant and and dapat i.guard mo yung feelings mo. your hormones are working chaos right now because of the worry you feel but always think logical.


most of all, pray sissy. it can do a lot of wonders. pray that God will give you strength and to prepare you for the worst. pray that your husband will change whatever plan he has na makakasira sa inyong dalawa. you can do it. be strong for you and your kids. kaya mo yan. 

[janachen]

Bumili ng condo at kotse? Kaninu nakapangalan?

Nagpatulong ka na ba sa mga inlaws mo sis? If not better na puntahan mo sila then tanungin.


Feeling mo ba may iba siya?


Pray lang sis, baka may nangyaring iba na... Preggy ka pa naman

[ejxtwo]

Sis bonita111809, thanks for the reply sis! I asked his secretary ang sabi lang sakin may emergency lang daw and he can't go back to work agad. And yes, he was really sent for a business meeting and kasama nya yung two colleagues nya na nandito na. I talked to them but hindi daw talaga nila alam yung reason ni hubby kung bakit umalis. Nakauwi na din pala si hubby dito sa Manila, nung nag-file nga sya ng leave tapos umalis din agad. I'll talk to my in-laws tomorrow, uuwi pa lang kasi sila from US eh. I really don't have an idea kung nasaan na yung asawa ngayon. Thank you again sis. Will do!

Sis janachen, sa kanya naman nakapangalan sis but he never mentioned it to me. And yes, feeling ko meron syang iba eh Yung in-laws ko bukas pa uuwi from US kaya bukas ko pa sila makakausap. Thank you sis!

[janachen]

  phewww yan ang mahirap sis, super clueless ka. Pero nung nagsasama pa kayo, ibang iba na sya?  Waley din akong maipapayo kundi yung kausapin mo muna ang mga inlaws mo. Basta ingat nalang muna kay baby, alam ko sobrang pag aalala mo ngayun pero kailangan mo ng energy para sa baby.

[bonita111809]

Sis bonita111809, thanks for the reply sis! I asked his secretary ang sabi lang sakin may emergency lang daw and he can't go back to work agad. And yes, he was really sent for a business meeting and kasama nya yung two colleagues nya na nandito na. I talked to them but hindi daw talaga nila alam yung reason ni hubby kung bakit umalis. Nakauwi na din pala si hubby dito sa Manila, nung nag-file nga sya ng leave tapos umalis din agad. I'll talk to my in-laws tomorrow, uuwi pa lang kasi sila from US eh. I really don't have an idea kung nasaan na yung asawa ngayon. Thank you again sis. Will do!

Sis janachen, sa kanya naman nakapangalan sis but he never mentioned it to me. And yes, feeling ko meron syang iba eh Yung in-laws ko bukas pa uuwi from US kaya bukas ko pa sila makakausap. Thank you sis!

you're in the dark. wag mo muna isipin na may babae sya pero just prepare yourself. kasi kung lagi mong iniisip na meron, it will cloud your thoughts. just pray and pray. good luck for tomorrow sis.

[Girltalker2]

sis TS, sorry to hear about your story. 

Any emails or FB account he might have?  baka gusto mo magsend ng message doon.
Sabihin mo sa kanya, please lang magsabi sya kung ayaw na nya ang family ninyo. Madali ka naman kamo kausap. Huwag naman mang-iwan sa ere unless may nangyaring masama talaga sa kanya.

How did you happen to know about the new condo and car?   Where is the condo and the car?  Who is living there or who is using the car?

Kung hindi din alam ng inlaws mo about his whereabouts, or any of his friends and relatives, then I guess you are left with no choice but to report him to the police that he is lost.  Puede naman din ata contact-in ang DFA if indeed he is within the country o umalis talaga for Taiwan, kung may work sya dun or contract, etc..

[honeycrushed]

sis, sorry to hear what you are going through, and pregnant at that.  be extra careful with yourself.  it's difficult to dispel stress but you have to.

sis, how did you get that feeling na may babae sya?  something that happened or na discover mo before he left?  my investigative mind would ponder on my hunch and look for a trail.  like what sis girltalker said, start with the condo and the car.  or sa fb - fb nya, or fb ng friends nya.  the internet is powerful, google lang may madidig ka na.

but of course, nothing is more powerful than prayers.  have faith sis. be strong and logical.

[nixiquita]

Oh my god. Youre pregnant.

UHm, ask help from your inlaws, i guess? Ask his family with regards to his whereabouts or maybe he has opened up to them about his plans or maybe his problems.

Atleast maliwanagan ka, and if he chooses to 'leave' make arrangements nalang siguro. I mean, sustento and all. But well hindi pa naman kasi proven, and you still have all the right since youre married, and more so cos youre pregnant.

Wala ba siya naiwang clues like mukhang sawa na sa marriage niyo or wala na interest sa wife, or something? And did you exert effort to address the issue or listen to him?

Be strong for your kids. Have faith and dont lose hope. Find strength and inspiration in your kids

[sistah!]

are you financially ok? worse comes to worse and your husband doesnt come home to you, you need to make sure that you, your daughter and your baby will be ok. if you have a family bank account, secure the money there. that might have to be your fallback. if he has been gone 3 weeks and no leads are viable enough for you to look into to get answers, i suggest you make sure you are covered and will be ok.

the other ladies here are right. talk to your in laws first. meanwhile, rally your friends and your family behind you. whatever his reasons are, you need to have as much support as possible.

[ejxtwo]

Before sya umalis, naging cold na sya sakin. I don't want to think na may ibang babae sya but yun lang naiisip ko na reason kung bakit sya nagkaganun. He was very sweet, caring and all during my first trimester. Every time I ask him kung anong problema, lagi nyang isasagot nya sakin "hormones lang yan." I told myself baka nga sa hormones lang, but hindi talaga eh. There's really something wrong alam ko. Walang nakatira sa condo, yung car naman nasa office lang nya. Ayaw nyang sabihin sakin kung anong nangyayari until he left na nga. Honestly right now I'm financially challenged, yung salary ko pang-samin lang ng daughter (she's 13, grade 7) ko, I don't know kung paano na pag nanganak pa ako.

Update:

I talked to my in-laws already, kaninang umaga lang. direcho na nila ako, ang sabi nila may kasamang iba si hubby dun and may 3 kids (older than my daughter) sya dun sa babae and 8 months pregnant ulit. Meaning, may first family sya before me I begged for hubby's contact number, but hindi nila binigay kasi ayaw daw ako makausap ni hubby. They're sure daw na hindi na babalik si hubby samin but bibigyan nalang daw nila ako ng sustento every month. By the way, I'm not in good terms with my in-laws ha. I really want to talk to him, I need a closure and explanation. I don't even know kung totoo ba yung sinabi ng in-laws ko but one thing's sure for now, he really abandoned us already. Nakakapang-hina nakakaiyak na nakakagalit yung mga nalaman ko. Mixed emotions na talaga


Thank you for the replies and insights sissies. I really appreciate them all!

[chiqmom]

^so sorry to hear about your husband and your in laws. i cant give much, but a wish that you'll have the strength that you need to bear all these troubles.

matanong ko lang, are you legally married? kasi you can go for concubinage if ganun nga ginawa ng husband mo.

[ejxtwo]

^ Yes, we're married. Pumasok na yan sa isip ko but honestly, I really don't know what to do next. Some friends told me hintayin ko nalang after I give birth and baka may malaman pa daw ako.

[aquacharly]

Goodness! What kind of in- laws yan!  All the time, he had 2 parallel families.  Quiet sila?  Susko.
Wala kang clue? His friends/colleagues didn't give you info/hints? 
14 years is a long time to be clueless in small Manila.

Yes, this betrayal is a hard blow.
But you must get up and move forward, while getting from him legally what is due you and your children.

1 thing you can do:  gather documents pertaining to properties/hard assets/bank accounts he has under his name, under both your  names.
If you have a SDB of valuables -- unahan mo sya to  empty it, including your joint accounts.

Another thing, you must get a private investigator to get the whole story for you.
He married which 1 of you 2 first??? 
Your lawyer will need all pertinent info. 
Depending on the facts that come out, listen to your lawyer well as to what your legal options are.

You must not crumple under this collective betrayal.
Trust that good always triumphs over evil. 
Be strong for your kids.
Do not even think of accepting back this louse of a man. 

[imbisibol_]

forget about saving your marriage.  at this point, act fast and decisively, make your next legal moves.  protect yours and your children's interests.  you can always cry after. 

[honeycrushed]

tama sis, act fast.  go to the women's desk of the nearest precint.  file a complaint for abandonment and concubinage (or bigamy if they're married) against your husband. secure yourself financially.  and i think it's about time that you let your family know what happened.  you need their help and support now more than ever.

[maiandra]

Pano nangyari yun sis? Unless nagpakasal siya sa ibang bansa, nakakapagtaka.. Did you know him a long time bago kayo nagpakasal? I feel sad for u sis, pero I guess hindi talaga siya naging honest sayo sa umpisa pa lang, at wala ka rin naman idea so the best thing to do is live well with your two kids. Support yourself financially and never make the same mistake twice.

[bonita111809]

Before sya umalis, naging cold na sya sakin. I don't want to think na may ibang babae sya but yun lang naiisip ko na reason kung bakit sya nagkaganun. He was very sweet, caring and all during my first trimester. Every time I ask him kung anong problema, lagi nyang isasagot nya sakin "hormones lang yan." I told myself baka nga sa hormones lang, but hindi talaga eh. There's really something wrong alam ko. Walang nakatira sa condo, yung car naman nasa office lang nya. Ayaw nyang sabihin sakin kung anong nangyayari until he left na nga. Honestly right now I'm financially challenged, yung salary ko pang-samin lang ng daughter (she's 13, grade 7) ko, I don't know kung paano na pag nanganak pa ako.

Update:

I talked to my in-laws already, kaninang umaga lang. direcho na nila ako, ang sabi nila may kasamang iba si hubby dun and may 3 kids (older than my daughter) sya dun sa babae and 8 months pregnant ulit. Meaning, may first family sya before me I begged for hubby's contact number, but hindi nila binigay kasi ayaw daw ako makausap ni hubby. They're sure daw na hindi na babalik si hubby samin but bibigyan nalang daw nila ako ng sustento every month. By the way, I'm not in good terms with my in-laws ha. I really want to talk to him, I need a closure and explanation. I don't even know kung totoo ba yung sinabi ng in-laws ko but one thing's sure for now, he really abandoned us already. Nakakapang-hina nakakaiyak na nakakagalit yung mga nalaman ko. Mixed emotions na talaga


Thank you for the replies and insights sissies. I really appreciate them all!

I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry to know about this sis. I can only imagine how hard it is for you especially now that you're pregnant. for now, just focus on your pregnancy. don't stress out and surround yourself with positive people and support system: your family, friends and your kids.

saka mo na intindihin yung pag file ng kung ano2 but be sure to secure funds. gaya ng sinabi ng ibang sissies dito, kung may account kang nalalaman na may funds, drain it to the last drop and recuperate.

kung may family yung hubby mo, isa sa inyo ay nasa isang bigamous marriage. talk to a lawyer.

I hope and pray that everything will be alright for you and your kids sis. be strong and always pray. it works wonders. 

[quennna]

ang bigat ng pinagdadaanan mo sis
siguro dapat malaman na rin ng family mo situation mo..
close ba kayo ng mga inlaws mo?
may mga common friends din ba kayong mag asawa?

[princessrio]

wow! i can't imagine what i'll do if i'm in your situation.

i would have to agree with the advice of everyone. act fast. kunin mo ang makukuha mo hanggang sa huling sentimo. give birth then saka mo asikasuhin yung legalities.

as for your kid, when she asks you again, i think you should tell her what you know.

be strong. pray.