I have the same problem right now. (warning: mahaba po ito, matagal kong kinimkim)
I guess some of our sisses dito kilala na ako. Kakapost ng ibat ibang problema naming mag asawa since 2009 pa ata yun.
Napapagod na nga ako kakahingi ng payo kasi kahit anong sabi ng iba na iwan ko na at mag move on, ito parin ako mahal na mahal parin sya.
Ito ang mga nangyari, pinaalis ko sya ng bahay last year because sa mga issues na di maresolve resolve. Wala syang trabaho at parang nagkakalamigan na kami.
Di ko sya kinibo at tinikis ko sya. Alam ko mali, alam ko dapat kinausap ko sya, pero napagod ako. At hangang ngayon may part sa sarili ko na sana di ko ginawa yun. Pinagsisihan ko na yun at inihingi ko rin ng tawad sa kanya ng ilang beses kasi alam ko kung anong paghihirap ang inabot nya nung umalis sya ng bahay.
After some time, I thought I was ready to move on, di ko rin sinabi sa parents ko, sya nalang ang kumausap sa papa ko na nag aaway kami through email. Kahit anong tanong ni papa hindi ako nagsasabi, I don't know maybe a part of me is still saying na may pag asa pa kami.
It was December 13 when he called me around noon, I was on my way to work, it was him. Di ako nagsalita, sabi nya asa airport na sya, paalis na at mahal na mahal daw nya ako. Di ako nag salita. Natakot ako na baka isang salita ko biglang magbago isip nya at umuwi.
December 24, he messaged me again sa skype, I replied and kinausap ko sya. I greeted him. After a couple of days of talking I told him what happened, what happened to us and what I thought our relationship.
Akala ko nun mga January ok na talaga kami, I realized I still love him and I thought he was ok na rin dahil nag sorry narin ako at nag sorry sya, iyakan pa. He mentioned that may mga nakilala na sya and muntik na ligawan, mentioned the name Amy na Chinese na pinakilala ng gf ng band leader nila.
Around January he was already seriously asking me to visit him. February, I booked for a flight to Shanghai and he was already preparing my documents.
March 25, I went to China, left everything I have behind, clueless of what will happen, basta iniisip ko lang na kailangan na maayos ang relationship namin.
It was going smoothly until April 11. Birthday ng foreigner gf ng band leader nila and Amy was invited. Lahat ata ng pangungumbinsi para di ako pumunta sa birthday party nasabi nya sa akin. I knew then that there was something wrong. Nagkataon, iniwan nya ang phone nya sa table na malapit sa akin. Natulog sya.
That gave me the opportunity to check on his phone, na sobrang tagal kong hindi ginagawa dahil may tiwala ako sa kanya. I found out he's been sending wechat messages to atleast 2 girls (Chinese), asking them kung kailan kaya sya magkaka pag asa sa kanila, etc. etc.
That hurt me so much. Nagpakalasing ako ng bongga that night at inaway ko sya ng bongga ng umaga. I was wanting to read everything but he deleted them and removed the two girls from his wechat. I asked him several times kung meron pang iba na hindi ko alam. He said wala. He just lied to my face.
April 17, 4 days before my flight back to Manila, he left me his laptop because I had to contact someone through skype. Then out of the blue I opened a browser and found his fb account opened, same with his phone, ang tagal kong di iniopen yun kahit alam ko kung paano ihack ang account nya kasi I trusted him.
Only to find out, he's been actively chatting, with an ex, an old church mate, and some other women na ewan ko kung san nya nakilala. Mas nag concentrate akong basahin yung mahaba, nakita ko na ex pala nya ang kausap nya. Last time they chatted was April 2, while I was there. Last Feb, there was entry there from him na asking the girl kung ok lang ba na magsama sila with the girl's son, kahit na married si girl.
I was and still am hurt. Kinalkal ko lappy nya down to the single folder in his laptop nicheck ko. I found 3 pics of another Chinese na ka wechat nya. I also saved some of the conversations he had with his ex and it was really heartbreaking to know na even as far as 2011 magkausap na sila. All the while na akala ko ok kaming dalawa, magka usap sila.
I walked and walked that night until makakita ako ng spot where there's nobody there and cried my heart out. April 20 ang birthday ko pero yun ang pa birthday nya sa akin. I was crying so hard. When I got back to the apartment mag 5 AM and he was there waiting for me. Wala akong galit but I was so numb.
That afternoon tinanggap ko sya ulit, but I told him to remove all the girls sa fb nya. tinanong ko pa ulit, meron pa bang iba sabi nya wala na and again promised not to do it anymore, he asked for one last time. I told him, pag naulit ito kailangan ko makaganti.
I celebrated my birthday ng masaya, masayang masaya ako with hopes na maayos na kaming dalawa. Na umaasa akong future na talaga ang concentration namin.
Nung umuwi ako I wasn't that affected kasi I was hoping to get a job in China and be with him. Iiwan ko talaga lahat lahat para sa kanya. No conditions or whatever basta kasama ko lang sya. I know, it is stupid. I left my job too (that's another story but part of it was because of him). I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be available in Skype each time he calls para di na sya matempt.
But then I got this inclination, na nagawa nya nga nung nandito kami magkasama sa house, what more pa now.
I hacked both his fb account, checked lahat ng ginagawa nya, kung sinong kausap nya, I was paranoid. So I created a new fb account with a picture na nakuha ko lang online and added him. Lo and behold, todo bola sya. I was so hurt and still am. Sa sobrang desperation di na ako nagkakakain since weekend, my friends thought it was just because I'm having a hard time finding a job again and because of the utilities, but no, it was because of him.
Maayos parin pakikitungo ko sa kanya kahit alam ko na na pag may lumapit nanaman sa kanya through chat kakagat sya regardless kung full time akong nakakausap nya. May time pa na he said he will call his mom kaya ibaba nya ang skype call namin, but no he didn't call his mom and he was chatting with the account I created in fb.
Still, I love him. I know. It's stupid. But I love him.
Kakausapin ko na sya mamaya about it. Di ko na kaya, I've been sleepless for 4 days and haven't eaten ng maayos. I can't take it anymore.
Bahala na kung san mapunta but I can't bear this feeling na di ko sure kung ano ba talaga kami. I know he makes the effort of being with me. But each time naalala ko lahat nagdududa ako mas lalo na ngayon.
Pakisama nalang po ako sa prayers.