feel so down,, pakiramdam ko mas pinipili nya kabit nya,,

[imbisibol_]

^ look at your mother now.  fate is giving you a glimpse of your future.  do you want to be like your mother when you're old and grey?  same pattern of cheating, of forgiveness, same cycle of sadness, of hopelessnes?  have the strength and clarity of mind that you're mother didn't have.   

[Bud]

Women and men alike should never forget to respect themselves. after every effort has been done to hopefully change your philandering husband/wife dapat tigilan na. by continuing to cling with hope, you are in turn demeaning yourself that is why yung mga abusado lalo kayong inaabuso.

[Girltalker2]

Ang hirap ng situation na married ka na at may third party yung asawa mo.  Actually, ang mas mahirap pa is kung humingi sya ng tawad.  Kasi the ball is in your court. Kung nagpatuloy kasi sya sa pambababae nya without remorse, nasa saiyo na ang sagot - iwan mo. Pero kung nagsorry naman, at mag asawa na kayo and you can still trust him since nagpapakita naman sya ng remorse, don't you think being the wife, you should give him a chance? 

But giving him another chance, kahit 1 chance lang is not easy.  Kelangan magdecide ka rin na hindi mo ibring up yung issue na yun kasi tapos na, UNLESS may bagong lumitaw ulit na related issue.  Tapos kelangan ng matinding acceptance and forgiveness.   That's the only way your marriage can progress. But at the same time, being the cheated wife, kelangan ka rin laging on your toes. Kasi once na ginawa pa nya ulit ito, you should be ready. Dito na siguro pumapasok ang sinasabi mo Bud.  Time to pack up to preserve your own self worth. And worse, kung nakikita pa iyan ng mga bata, chances are either tularan ang tatay nila, or kung babae, tularan ang pagka martyr ng nanay.

[gc.garcia]

hi sis toydoll.. I'm not quite new to this site, i've been an avid reader of threads and I always come across threads like this with issue of philandering husbands..

Don't get me wrong, I've never been married or had kids. I am 23 and currently in a happy relationship, I may not have gone through what you are going through but the biggest question I have is WHY do you let your husband make you feel that you are irrelevant or otherwise insignificant? and by which you give him the power over your happiness. If there was one thing I learned from my past relationships, its that happiness starts within yourself. Meaning, you have to choose to be happy for you to be able to feel it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are certain times na kelangan mo din maging sefish for the simple reason na theres comes a point na kelangan mo nman piliin yung sarili mo. Like what my mom said before 'your kids is your life'.. mawala man ang husband mo, you still have your kids who will love you unconditionally. Leaving your husband doesnt mean he stops being your kids father, he will always be entitled to that. Please stop thinking that staying in a marriage that is toxic helps your kids, it doesnt. It does them more harm and damage because one day when they're old enough, they will understand the situation. Please please sis, wag mo ng hintayin na dumating yung time na anak mo na mismo ang magtanong why you stayed with their cheating father.

Hanggat pwede pa sis save yourself. I don't think most women in this particular situation realize how much self preservation plays in this. You need your strength, you need yourself to be whole, you need yourself to heal kase may mga anak ka pang nangangailangan sayo. They will need you to teach them the Integrity their father lacked.

I get that you're trying to fight for your marriage sis, you are rightfully entitled to but I hope you also realize WHEN to stop. To end my post here.. I suggest for you to find a distraction, go to the salon, change your hair color, take care of yourself, go shopping and you know what helped me the most when I was broken hearted.... I started to exercise, do yoga, go to the gym which afterwards made me feel good about myself kase nakikita ko yung results physically and emotionally with the changes I am seeing in myself.

Have the confidence to walk away sis because sometimes, its the walking away that makes you stronger and braver.

[kittypaw]

Kaya dapat may divorce na rin sa pilipinas e.

[langley]

walang pinipiling edad ang infidelity sis toydoll, when a man feels that he is neglected by his wife whether he is old or young then he is much more prone to temptation. Kaya nga importante na tayong mga babae asikaso talaga sa mga asawa naten. Kahit may mga anak na tayo dapat unahin naten un mga asawa naten. Kasi marriage is the foundation of the family. At the greatest gift you can give to your children is to love your spouse. Remember you are husband and wife first before you are a parent.

Why don't you tell your mom na ngayon matatanda na sila at malalaki at may sariling buhay na rin kayo ng mga kapatid mo eh mag-focus na sila sa marriage nila. Again hindi naten kontrolado ang kilos at pag-iisip ng mga asawa naten. Kaya lang naten kontrolin ang mga sarili natin. Then we should focus on our roles, we are wives. We are help-meets to our husbands. So maybe panahon na siguro para un tatay mo naman ang asikasuhin ng nanay mo.

[toydoll]

Sisses, thanks for all the responses, posts here in this thread, very helpful lahat ng insights.....

honestly, pag nababasa ko na ang solution na sa case ko is pakikipag hiwalay, i honestly feel so down.... pero i am welcoming the fact na pwedeng ito na nga talaga ang solution sa infidelity cases... lalo na kung walang complete remorse (yung kahit papano ma pi feel mo pa din na may something pa rin - not totally ended) ---- ang sarap sarap sarap siguro talaga to walk away,,,, kelan kaya? minsan naiisip ko mas madali kung siya na lang ang mang iwan,,,,

i am at the point na hindi malinaw sakin which way to go,, to walk away or to stay muna,, endure the pain hanggang kaya pa,, ensure the hurt hanggang nakikita ko na  may hope ang relationship namin,,

ang hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan is bakit kung tuloy tuloy pa din,, bakit nila kelangan manloko,, wala naman pumipigil sa kanila na mag sama na,, magpapasalamat pa ko sa kanila ,, magpapasalamat pa ko na iwanan na lang ako kesa nandyan nga pero patuloy ang panloloko,, patuloy ang pagmumukhang t****,,,

indeed ang ganitong case at roller coaster of emotions,, minsan kala mo ok na,, yun pala hindi pa din,, tapos ok ulit,, tapos hindi ulit,,, baket may mga taong masasaya na nakakasakit ng ibang tao,,,,

totoo ba ang karma? may kakilala na ba kayo nakarma na? lalo na yung babaeng pumatol sa pamilyadong tao???

one more question - kapag nag aaway kayo ng bonggang bongga, ano ba ang mas nakakapagpa realize sa isang tao (husband) ng mga mali nya,, yung dakdakan sya o silent type? yun sobrang nakakabinging katahimikan at pan de deadma???

[donya_dyosa]

Sad to say pinili na nya siguro talaga ang kabit niya...
Habang may natitira pang pride sayo umalis kana... wag mo idating sa point na diring diri at iritang irita na asawa mo saiyo....
Wag kana magpakaself pity, lumaban ka with an i dont care attitude.
Para si kabit niya will look up to you, maobsesses sa positive energy mo.., hindi yung kawawa at nagmamakaawa ka.. kasi pagtatawanan ka lang niya lalo.. instead magpaganda ka at isipin mo there is gonna be more to life... be excited sa mga guys na makikilala mo ulit.. but first unahin mo ang mga anak, at magulang mo na tunay na nagmamahal sayo.. s8la ang tuunan mo ng pansin hindi yung babaero mong asawa....

My friend ako, iyak ng iyak sa bf niya na babaero.. focus na focus sa love life niya hindi na inintindi nanay nya.... ayun one day biglang inatake nanay nya at namatay.... sobrang sisi nya kasi she wasted her time crying over sa walang kwentang taong manloloko. Na yung nanay nya na lagi nanjan para sa kanya di nya pinapansin... so sis, wakeup call na sana ito sayo...

Hope u get to read my pov

[simang]

totoo ba ang karma? may kakilala na ba kayo nakarma na? lalo na yung babaeng pumatol sa pamilyadong tao???

sis, totoo ang karma. you get what you give ika nga. pero, hindi maganda yung thinking mo na yung kabit ng asawa mo ang pinapanalangin mong karmahin. isipin mo na lang, ikaw ang nasasaktan. instead na isipin mong sana eh karmahin ang kabit, mas dapat mong iniisip kung deserve mo bang masaktan ng ganyan, kahit alam mong sila ang may kasalanan. ang isipin mo is paano ka makakawala sa sarili mong pain. kasalanan nilang nasaktan ka, pero kung hindi ka makaalis sa sakit na yan, hindi na nila kasalanan yun. choice mo na yun.

lagi kong nireremind ang sarili ko na hindi ko hawak ang ugali at values ng ibang tao. kung saktan nila ako, hindi ko kontrolado yun. hindi ko sila madidiktahan kung yun ang gusto nilang gawin. pero, alam ko ang values ko. kaya kong kontrolin kung paano ako magrereact sa pananakit na yun. higit sa lahat, kaya kong hindi sila hayaan na saktan ako ulit. kase, alam ko sa sarili ko i don't deserve that b******t.

kaya oo naniniwala ako sa karma. pero never ko winish na karmahin ng masama yung mga taong masama ang ugali. ang winiwish ko, sana karmahin ako ng mabuti kase mabuti akong tao.

one more question - kapag nag aaway kayo ng bonggang bongga, ano ba ang mas nakakapagpa realize sa isang tao (husband) ng mga mali nya,, yung dakdakan sya o silent type? yun sobrang nakakabinging katahimikan at pan de deadma???

sis, lahat ng tao for sure ayaw ng away. lalo na ang mga lalaki. as much as possible, kung saan walang stress at madali doon sila.

bihira akong magalit, lalo na sa partner ko ngayon. halos hindi kami nag-aaway. pero kung may ginawa syang hindi ko nagustuhan, at naviolate ako, hindi ko sya pinapagalitan. instead, i focus my energy on myself -- iniimprove ko ang sarili ko. in that way, bahala na sya kung saktan nya ako, at least ako, buo ang pagkatao ko kahit gawan nya man ako ng masama. alam ko madaling sabihin kesa gawin, pero sis, kagaya ng sabi nila dito, you have to start within you. kung sa loob mo eh willing kang maiwan sa ganyang sitwasyon, walang advice ang makakapagpabago nun. ikaw lang ang makakapagdecide kung paano ka makaalis dyan.

ulitin ko, nasaktan ka nila, kasalanan nila yun. pero for you stay in that mess is your choice.

[Girltalker2]

one more question - kapag nag aaway kayo ng bonggang bongga, ano ba ang mas nakakapagpa realize sa isang tao (husband) ng mga mali nya,, yung dakdakan sya o silent type? yun sobrang nakakabinging katahimikan at pan de deadma???

May mga tao na matitigas talaga ang mga mukha. Kahit anong gawin mo, kung nasa personality nung tao na di umaamin or mapride, kung may conviction talaga siya na para sa kanya, wala syang mali nagawa, wala ka nang magagawa.  Kahit magsilent type or mang-away ka.  Their position will remain the same.

[janachen]

Grabe yan sis.. Ang tindi rin ng pinagdadaanan mo, pero kung ako sayo stop na. Baka nga hinihintay lang ng asawa mo na hiwalayan mo sya. Nakakapagod yung ganyan.

[arjeeh]

I also need guidance whether to move on or stay in our relationship. I just discovered one of my hubby's relationship early this year. He wanted out. I pleaded to give our marriage a chance as I disrespected him and I still want to make up for all the times I hurt him. However, like what other sis mentioned here, I came to realize that infidelity can never be justified.

Right now, all I want is for me to move on and save my energy to the people who cares for me. Gusto ko na siya tanggalin sa sistema ko. But at the same time, I constantly pray for him that he clears his mind and for him to realize that what he is doing is not right especially we have kids.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, one of hubby's relationships?  Ibig mong sabihin marami syang kabit at flings?

"He wanted out."  --- out of his extramarital affairs or out of your marriage?

Kung gusto nya out of your marriage, wala ka nang magagawa.  It takes 2 to make the relationship work. Ito ang hindi ko kinonsider kaya 10 years or so ako nagsuffer sa marriage ko. Ako isip ng isip pano palakasin ang relasyon namin, sya pala eh walang pake.  So paano magwork yun?  But ultimately decision mo iyan. Weigh things well. Ang rule of thumb ko dyan, kung wala nang love, kung hindi willing magcooperate ang both parties, better end it early kesa i-drag mo nang walang direction.  Life is wonderful and more meaningful if you find the right partner for you.

Kung gusto nya out of his extramarital affairs, then time to talk talaga, mahal nyo pa ba ang isa't isa, anong plano ninyo to move on together at kalimutan lahat ng sakit, counseling, etc.


Paano ko ba natanggal sa system ko ang ex ko?  I guess it is just like moving on from a broken hearted, except your focus is you and your kids, hindi lang sayo.
- activities ng mga bata, kulang nalang maging stage mom ako
- gym at nagpaganda ako
- learned new things by enrolling to short courses
- travel
- lumayo ako
- focus on career kahit na 16 hours a day sige lang
- music. since I love music, I have a list of songs I consistently listen to. like Believe ni Cher, etc. 

[toydoll]

lagi kong nireremind ang sarili ko na hindi ko hawak ang ugali at values ng ibang tao. kung saktan nila ako, hindi ko kontrolado yun. hindi ko sila madidiktahan kung yun ang gusto nilang gawin. pero, alam ko ang values ko. kaya kong kontrolin kung paano ako magrereact sa pananakit na yun. higit sa lahat, kaya kong hindi sila hayaan na saktan ako ulit. kase, alam ko sa sarili ko i don't deserve that b******

Thanks for this sis simang, bigla akong natauhan,, sa sobrang galit ko,, i wish them KARMA - i whisper over and over again na ma KARMA sila ng sabay,, worst, i wish na mamatay na lang sila ng sabay sa sobrang galit ko,,, ---- i know hindi tama,,, pero ito naging bugso ng galit ko,,,,

the other day, i had the meltdown again,,, 100 text yata ang na send ko kay hubby,,, all BAD MESSAGES,,, ALL WISHES OF KARMA,,, ALL PAGPAPAMUKHA MESSAGES KUNG GANO KASAKIT gnwa nila sakin,,, basta sobrang sasama ng messages ko with matching sobrang BAD WORDS,,, which is NOT ME,,, i turned into this sa galit ko,,, - anyway, hindi nya ako pinatulan instead sa pakiramdam ko naman inintindi nya ko,,, pero parang laging naglalaro sa isip ko to walk away and revenge,, parang ang sarap sarap siguro,,,

pero like what i said sa previous posts ko,, i want to stood by my decision na bigyan kami ng time this year,, at kung wala talagang mangyaring maganda samin this year,, yun na talaga, TAPOS na kami,, so like we have 7 months more,,,,,,, at di ko alam,, ano ang mangayayri pa samin,,,,,,

=(  kaya ko pa naman,,,

[simang]

^sis, you should be stronger than your anger. It's always easier said than done, pero at least try to not let your anger ruin you. Sa ngayon, sila na ang masaya, ikaw pa ang galit at masama ang loob. Sinong talo? Revenge may be good on paper, but it never is in real life. Alam mo kung paano masaktan, please don't wish for other people to get hurt, too. Always be the better person, sis.

[janachen]

Sis, naiintindihan ko yung nararamdaman mo. Siyempre galit ka sobra sobra pero  huwag mo ng ipanalangin na makarma sila. Hayaan mong dumating yung karma sa kanila. Hindi man sa kanila,pwedeng sa mahal nila sa buhay.


OT siya, pero related sa karma.

Lumaki ako na wala yung parents ko, si mama namatay noong 1 year old ako tapos si papa nag asawa. So lumaki ako sa grandparents ko sa motherside. Tapos biglang nagdisappear yong papa ko. After 13 years hinanap namin para bigyan kami ng suporta. Imagine magmamakaawa ka na bigyan kami ng suporta para lang makapag aral kami, eh may kaya sila. May mga negosyo kasi Chinese yung papa ko. Tapos sasabihin na bibigyan ka at bibisitahin pero puro pangako lang.. Sobrang sama ng loob ko  tapos mula noon hindi na  ako nakipagcommunicate. Nakapagtapos ako na puro limos lang sa mga kamag anak namin. Malaking utang na loob ko sa tito ko tapos lumuwas ako sa maynila para makipagsapalaran.

Natanggap ako sa work, never akong pumunta sa tinitirhan ng papa ko kahit alam ko. Tapos after 4 years na pagtratrabaho, naisipan kong puntahan. Ayon hirap na hirap sila sa buhay. Nasunugan sila, nawaldas yung pera nila tapos yung mga kapatid ko hindi nakapag aral. After 1 year, sinabihan ko yung asawa ng papa ko na pag aralin 'yong panganay nila. Sa awa ng Diyos, nagtapos naman siya. Hindi ko hiningi na karmahin sila kahit sobrang sama ng loob ko sa pag aabandona ng papa ko at sasabihan kaming malas kami sa buhay nya.  Tinulungan ko sila kasi nakita kong hirap sila sa buhay. Kaya eto ngayun nagkaroon ng good karma sa akin.

Huwag mong isumpa kahit nasasaktan ka, pray for them instead.

[toydoll]

^sis, you should be stronger than your anger. It's always easier said than done, pero at least try to not let your anger ruin you. Sa ngayon, sila na ang masaya, ikaw pa ang galit at masama ang loob. Sinong talo? Revenge may be good on paper, but it never is in real life. Alam mo kung paano masaktan, please don't wish for other people to get hurt, too. Always be the better person, sis.

hindi masasayang ang mga pangaral nyo sakin today,, ang tindi,,, those words of yours sis made me feel that i am really not the loser,,, hindi pa naman huli ang lahat,,, i can still be the better person,, and i will learn to control my anger which di naman nagdudulot ng maganda sa pagkatao ko,,, i should be stronger than my anger,, i will always keep this in mind and heart sis,,, mahirap din talaga na ako magdala ng galit kasi sobrang sama ng araw ko,,, lately, i chose not to pray kasi nanaig ang galit sakin,, hindi naman maganda ang dadasalin ko,, at nakakahiya kay Lord dahil puro galit lang,,, alam ko naman hindi naman ok na ipagdasal na makarma sila,,, maling mali,,, ang sarap lang kasi na isipin na i can be the better person,,, kasi alam ko sa sarili na wala akong sinasaktan,,, sa tingin ko mas ok na ako sinaktan kesa ako ang nanakit,,,

thanks so much sis simang,,, if you could share more of your good values, we would appreciate,, lalo na yung good values in the middle of crisis like this... let me ask sis, have you been in this kind of crisis? how did you get through it? thanks sis,, your words lighten my day,,,,,and the days to come....


Sis Janachen, thanks for sharing with us the story of your life, indeed your story is also a wake up call for us wives na binabalot na ng galit,,, iba talaga sumingil ang nature,, you need not wish for it,,, but nature will take its course.....

thanks so much sisses,,, i chose to be always the better person from now on,,, maybe it will land be to have a better unruined firm decision.........

please share more sisses,,,,, thanks so much,,, i felt you all in my heart,,,,

[Girltalker2]

Sis toydoll, as I have discussed  before, there will be lapses. Pero ang mapapayo ko lang sayo ngayon, treat each day as a new day. One day at a time.  Iwasan mo magtext. Kung puede nga, i-off mo muna phone mo. Kapag natapos mo ang isang araw nang hindi nagt text ng masama, treat mo sarili mo as a small achievement. Then next day, until ma realize mo nalang 1 wk na, hindi ka nagt text na. I know you mentioned this is becoming a habit. Minsan talaga kapag naiisip mo, parang bumabalik lahat. Pero try to fight it back by ---

Looking for hobbies, additional projects, etc.  Basta punuin mo lang schedule mo. I am sure di mo maiisipan magtext ulit ng mga masasama sa kanila.

[toydoll]

Pero ang mapapayo ko lang sayo ngayon, treat each day as a new day. One day at a time.  Iwasan mo magtext. Kung puede nga, i-off mo muna phone mo. Kapag natapos mo ang isang araw nang hindi nagt text ng masama, treat mo sarili mo as a small achievement. Then next day, until ma realize mo nalang 1 wk na, hindi ka nagt text na. I know you mentioned this is becoming a habit. Minsan talaga kapag naiisip mo, parang bumabalik lahat. Pero try to fight it back by ---

Looking for hobbies, additional projects, etc.  Basta punuin mo lang schedule mo. I am sure di mo maiisipan magtext ulit ng mga masasama sa kanila.

Sis girltalker2, you are always a saviour promise,,, yesterday, i survived the whole day without texting him, kahit isang text nya hindi ko sinagot,, di na naman kasi ako talaga nag te text dun sa babae, kaso the other week, she has been sending me blank messages and miss calls to me several times,, na curious lang ako kung ano kaya ang gusto nya sabihin,, kaso pala wala,, walang kwenta, gusto nya lang ulit ako masaktan,, i tried to asked her what is it that she wants to tell,, yun pala she forwarded my message to hubby, and nakita ko sa cp ni hubby yun sarili kong text,, dun na ulit nagsimula yun palitan ng bad messages, which made me feel really really bad,,, akala ko lang kasi baka gusto na nya mag sorry sa lahat ng bad na nagawa nya,, i was so so so wrong,,, ibang klase talaga ang pagkatao nya,, syempre inaway ko na din si hubby ng bongga ulit, pero di naman nya ko pinatulan,,,

yesterday, i survived it without sending a single text,, BUT TODAY,, naiinis ako sa sarili ko,, kasi nakapag text ako telling me "gusto ko na talaga makipag hiwalay sa kanya" at sana di ko na lang ginawa,, kasi i didnt mean it naman talaga,, he texted back,, na ganyan na naman daw naiisip ko,,, bad bad bad,,, i regret i texted him,,,

hayyyy,,,,,

but tomorrow will be another day,, sis girltalker2,,, excited na ko mag off ng phone.... hinding hindi ako mag te text, kahit ano,, basta super hindi,, kakayanin ko to,,,,,,,

thanks sis!!! GOD BLESS US!

[janachen]

naku sis, kaya mo yan.. go go go..Huwag mong sirain yung araw mo dahil lang sa kanila sis. Sila nag eenjoy sa ginagawa nila tapos ikaw super stress. Good luck sis. Balitaan mo kami ha!