feel so down,, pakiramdam ko mas pinipili nya kabit nya,,

[glamorosa_09]

hi toydoll,

Sa sobrang pagmamahal mo sa husband mo, nakalimutan mong mahalin ang sarili mo. Sa sobrang pagbibigay mo ng importansya sa kanya sa buhay mo, nakalimutan mo ang importansya mo bilang tao.

What made you choose "toydoll" as a username? I hope it is just to encapsulate what you're currently feeling. I hope it's not because that's how you view yourself, because you are far more valuable than a toydoll, not even comparable to it.

I get what you feel. A husband's love and fidelity is crucial to a wife's well being. Kaya naman nakakayurak ng pagkatao when your husband betrayed you. But if this husband is continuously damaging your whole well-being without any remorse, then it's time to step back and to learn to emotionally detach yourself. Learn to give some love and value to your self, to your spirit, to your being.

You've set a deadline for your husband, what was it, 9 months? You said you can't leave your husband because you're not emotionally ready. Is it like when you leave him, para kang mapuputulan ng isang hita or paa, and you can't bear the thought of walking through life without another leg? Am I partly correct in describing how you'll feel? If so, in the 9 months, instead of focusing your entire emotional and mental energy to your husband, you can focus on yourself. Grow a new leg, make yourself whole, look into the mirror and see the person who deserves to be respected, to be valued, and loved. If we cannot see our own value and worth as a person, how can others see that? Give your husband a lesson how to respect and value you. If he can't be taught, then the decision is yours.

You can make some reflection about your life, about who you are as a person, seems to me that you have lost yourself along the way. Attend ka ng prayer communties like The Feast so you could start tapping into your spiritual self and God. And from there, you can discover and access your strengths. And then whatever life-altering decision that you can make will happen between you and God, you and Life.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis glamorosa, thanks for your post.  napaka precise ng post mo. 

About growing a leg, totoo yun TS. You just have to live on your own, mas masaya yun kesa sa maging dependent sa isang babaero.  Kasi living with a philandering husband is hell.

You can make some reflection about your life, about who you are as a person, seems to me that you have lost yourself along the way.

Very true.  When I was on my own, I did not know what to do as my life circulated around him.  So pinuno ko nga ng activities ang calendar ko. Then along the way, I realized, kikay pala ako. Along the way, I realized may mga hobbies pala ako na puede kong ipursue and I did.  I am glad I did. 

TS, promise, things may look grim now, pero eventually, you will be happier kapag nahiwalay mo ang emotions mo sa kanya.  You can enable yourself and your kids to live a separate life, and a happier one at that.

weekend has passed,, nun friday,, sobrang melt down ako at naisip ko puntahan yung place ng babae at dadalhin ko ang 2 kids ko para ipamukha man lang sa partido ng babaeng yun na ito ang mga anak ng lalaking inagaw nya/ninakaw nya,,, sobrang gusto gusto ko gawin ko,, pero nahimasmasan ako, may isang kaibigan akong tinawagan para magpa advise kung tama ba yung gagawin kong step,, sabi nya, ayaw nya daw na gawin ko yun, ang mas mabuti pa ay spend ko na lang time ko with my kids at mag enjoy,,

Sis, tama ang friend mo. Don't ever do that.  Don't drag your kids into the mess.  7yo na panganay mo, he will remember this at baka ma trauma pa sya. 
As for the kabit, she can always deny. Kahit gumawa ka pa ng scene sa kanila, ikaw pa lalabas na scandalosa.  Pagtatawanan ka lang ng ibang tao. So please stop that nonsense.

Understand at times we cannot think straight in times of distress.  Iyan ang weakness mo ngayon and huwag mo hayaan masira ang sarili mo pati panlabas.  Alam mo you are torn inside, huwag mo hayaan pati ibang tao makita iyan, lalo pa yung kabit.

Third reason for not doing it, wala naman gagawin ang babae.  She won't change. Hindi sya makokonsyensya. Sa tagal ba naman nila, what makes you think that the sight of your kids can change her?  The fact na sumiping sya sa asawa mo, mahina na ang sense of morals nya, therefore anything further than that won't affect her conscience.

so that friday night, umuwi ako at sinundo ko kids ko, we went out for a dinner at nag coffee shop din kami.. naramdaman ko na kahit papano may relieving yung ginawa ko kesa pumunta sa lugar ng masamang babaeng yun,, almost 10pm na ng magparamdam sa kasambahay namin si hubby, syempre sa ganito ganyan daw sya galing,, alam ko naman na puro kasinungalingan yun,, then sumunod sya sa coffee shop,, nakita ko sa kanya na ibang ibang iba na sya,,, pero nagtataka ko sa sarili ko kasi less hurt na,, manhid na kaya ako? sobrang pagod na ko...

nag saturday, nag sunday, he spent his time with us,, ganun naman talaga sya, pag weekend he make sure samin pa din talaga ang oras nya,, but i know for a fact na tuloy tuloy pa din sila ng kabit nya...nakita ko sa mga anak ko ang enjoyment lalo na sa panganay ko na complete ang family nya,,,,sunday nagsimba kami, habang nag pe pray ako binulungan ako ni hubby sabi nya,, "mahal na mahal kita" hinawakan ko lang face nya,, di ako nagsalita...

Sis, setting a 9 month deadline is good for you.  Pero emotionally you have to distance yourself.  The quote here shows umaasa ka pa.  And that is the problem.  This happened to me din.  Na kesyo masaya ako kasi kala ko wala na sila, hawakan daw nya kamay ko.  Then later nawawala na naman sya, magagalit na naman ako. I went through cycles.  It was torture.  It was for 10 years. Don't ever allow yourself to be trapped in that kind of situation. I would never wish anyone to be in that situation. 

Kapag magpakita asawa ko before samin, as if walang nangyari. Ganyan na ganyan.  Pag weekend.  Ako naman uto uto na kala ko "mahal naman pala nya kami". Pero in reality, pag Sunday, malamang feeling guilty lang iyan kaya ganyan pero sya mismo hindi makapili, sya mismo gusto niya lahat nag-aadjust for him. Selfish.

alam nyo sisses, ang prayer ko dati ay sana maglaho na sa buhay namin yung kabit nya,, ngayon,, hinihiling ko sana na si hubby ang makakita sa mga kasalanan at pagkakamali nya,,,actually di ko alam kung tama itong mga ginagawa ko,, pero sa puso ko,, parang tama na bigyan kami ng 9 mos,, 9 mos na sana makayanan ko, magtiis magpasensya,,

Sis, pareho lang iyon. Umalis man si kabit or si hubby sa extra marital affair nila, meron at meron din papatulan ang asawa mo. Kahit pa may makita hubby mo na pangit sa kabit, nasa sa tao kasi yun. Nakwento ko nanga ata about my ex. I held on for years thinking magbabago sya. Pero when I gave up, 1 year+ lang sila ng kabit nya, may bago na naman sya.  So it is not the kabit. It is your philandering husband ang puno't dulo ng issue na ito. Kahit sinong babae pa iyan, papatulan nya because he is weak.

And sis, kaya mo ang 9 months. Nakayanan ko nga ang 10 years eh.

minsan tinatanong ko,, may mga kabit ba na nagbago? totoong humingi ng tawad? kasi itong kabit ng asawa ko,, sa lahat ng alam kong story ng pangangabit,, itong kabit nya ang pinakamasama,, kaya di ko na pinagdarasal na sya ang lumayo,,,, sana si hubby,,, ewan kung katangahan nga talaga,, pero 9 mos,,, aasa ako,, sana magbago,, pero kung hindi,, ihahanda ko na ang sarili ko,,

Sis, may mga kabit nagbago, siguro in the movies.  In reality, siguro 1 in a million. So agree ako kay sis aquacharly, hindi.

Pero alam mo as I have said, kahit magbago pa ang kabit, yung asawa mo ang hudas.  Kahit mawala ang kabit sa eksena, yung asawa mo hahanap parin. So long as hindi sya remorseful, so long as hindi nya maramdaman ang nararamdaman mo.

Puede lumayo hubby mo for one reason or another, pero the only valid reason lang is MALI iyon. Kung may ganyan incling ang asawa mo na lumayo kasi MALI at he is very sorry, then baka you can see some light.  Pero kung paulit ulit nanga, wala syang mali nakikita dyan. So kahit lumayo sya, meron at merong ibang babae na papasok parin sa eksena. Ito ang hindi ko nakita agad kasi eh - he is evil (parang si GMA daw hehe).  Walang konsyensya.  And up until now, when I talk to my ex, kitang kita ko na ang kasamaan nya in things (di lang sakin), kasi nadistance ko na ang sarili ko from him.  How screwed up his life is right now, kung ako magulang nya, ikahihiya ko talaga pinagagagawa nya.

 

[langley]

My reply would be different from the others here.

Hindi sa kinakampihan ko ang asawa mo toydoll at hindi ko rin sinasabi na tama ang ginawa niya na pangangabit. Of course infidelity is wrong.

Pero toydoll lahat ng nirereklamo mo dito eh about lang sa asawa mo, so ang labas nagiging one-sided. Of course our sisses here eh ikaw ang kakampihan. Pero hindi namin alam ang side ng asawa mo. Hindi namin alam ano ang contribution mo bakit siya nambabae?

Are you are a perfect wife toydoll?
Of course not. No one is perfect.
And so is your husband. He is not perfect.

You said toydoll that once your husband was a loving husband and a good father. So why did he change? Of course you are his wife dapat alam mo yun.
May ginawa ka ba toydoll? Were you disrespectful? controlling? a nag? perfectionist?
You know toydoll men cannot live without RESPECT. They would rather be respected than loved.
I heard a drunk man said "Hindi ako nirerespeto ng asawa at anak ko sa bahay. Parang wala lang ako. Lagi na lang siya nasusunod."

Toydoll maybe you should stop having this "victim syndrome" because you would just feel entitled to everything and start owning up to whatever you contributed to your marriage.
Instead of focusing on your husband's mistakes why don't you focus on yourself?
Are you a good wife?

Ayon sa nabasa ko dito mukha naman repentant ang asawa mo eh,
bakit di mo siya patawarin?
Bakit hindi ninyo ayusin ang marriage niyo?

Again toydoll we really don't know whatever happened to your marriage because we don't know your husband's side.

I recommend you read peaceful wife philippines blog.

[Girltalker2]

^ Kahit ano pa ang sama ng isang asawa, infidelity should never be the answer to it. 

Kung mature enough sila to handle such relationships, yung husband dapat kinakausap si wife.  If di parin umubra talaga after several tries na "ayaw" na talaga magwork, then hiwalayan na ni hubby si wife. It is that simple. 

Finding a third party in the midst of a relationship while finding fault to your partner to justify it is totally deceitful.

Either party of the marriage does not have the right to be unfaithful just because your wife/husband did something.  Mag-asawa kayo, kasal kayo, meron kayong kasunduan.  Leaving the marriage should happen first kasi alam mo wala nang isasalvage pa, before one party attempts to engage himself/herself to another partner.  Hindi yung nakikipagsiping ka na kung kani-kanino while still living your marriage vows daw. 

[imbisibol_]

Instead of focusing on your husband's mistakes why don't you focus on yourself?
Are you a good wife?
Ayon sa nabasa ko dito mukha naman repentant ang asawa mo eh,
bakit di mo siya patawarin?
Bakit hindi ninyo ayusin ang marriage niyo?

i think the thread starter has been there, done that, and bought the shirt.  she is playing the victim card because she clearly is one. 

Again toydoll we really don't know whatever happened to your marriage because we don't know your husband's side.

i don't think there is any reasoning, excuse, or justification that exists for being unfaithful.  i think any explanation on the husband's side that will make all of us go "ah, kaya naman pala.." hasn't been invented yet.  if there's anything toydoll is guilty of right now, it's being too weak to stand up for her rights as a wife.  but it looks like she's working on that. 

[mamaneng]

May bago na naman palang victim ng infidelity....ngayon lang kasi ulit ako nakabalik sa thread nato.

After finding out the truth about my hubby's affair with a co-worker nagkaron din ako ng meltdown. It was a roller coaster of emotions actually...denial, galit, depression pero God helps those who help themselves kaya I told myself one day tama natong pagiyak. Ang payat ko na and feeling ko ang pangit pangit ko na kaya Nagbabad ako sa Lets primp and prettify na thread. Nagpaparlor, nagchange ng hair color, mani, pedi, nagdadine out with my son and nagopen ng secret bank account (i followed sis aquacharly's advice). In short, I started pampering and loving myself again.

I also renewed my relationship with the Lord... Nagkaron na ulit ako ng prayer time.

And syempre I read yung mga pinagdaanan ng ibang sis natin dito...lahat naman nakalagpas ng buhay eh, walang namatay so kaya ko rin...and kakayanin mo rin.

Good luck sayo sis toydoll. I'll include you in my prayers 

[babysean]

sis, bakit mo hinayaang gawin yan ng hubby mo ng paulit ulit, dont you think na what is running through his mind na its okay to continue his and just hide and if one day you caught him hell just say sorry and you just kept forgivin him. love yourself first your parents didnt bring you to this world , didnt nurture you just to be disrepected by your husband, you deserve peace, respect, love, and loyalty. free yourself even just for a while. you know god is showing you everything, giving you insticts and that is already a blessing for you to know that something is wrong, there is a sin. your husband is commiting a sin and please forgiving him is like tolerating that sin not only to you but to your children. please think again.

[toydoll]

hello sisses... i know its been a while.. but i am just around and timely reading all your responses BY HEART, i thank all of you for sharing your thoughts, experiences, comments,, thanks also for sharing matters that made me stronger,,,

as per my last post for this thread, i mentioned the 9 months i am giving us,,, this 9 months means 2014 for us,,, we are formally now in the 1st month of the 9 months,, ewan ko ba bakit bilang na bilang ko,, this april month, is the month when we got married,,, thus, this month will our 9th wedding anniv... ewan ko bakit nagkataon na puro 9,,,,

previous days passed by, i can say naman, na nag improve ang relationship namin,, though not really gradual, but i can sense and feel na bumabawi naman sya, though there were moments of snap sadness, kasi ang hirap hirap pag ang tiwala ang nasira,, yung mga times na nsa work ako,, at nakatalikod ako sa kanya, that's very critical,, yung un mga meltdowns ko na naiisip ko na meron pa din sila, though alam ko naman na di naman talaga agad agad totally completely magtatapos agad sila,, ang hirap hirap pa din,,,,

minsan nga i feel bad, sa sobrang sama ng loob ko minsan bigla bigla ko nasasabi na sana MAKARMA sila,, yung sobrang tinding karma,,, hayyy,, but later on babawiin ko naman, sinasabi ko na si LORD na bahala sa kanila,,,

i am trying to compose myself once again, may binago din ako sa sarili ko, while giving us this chance, binago ko yung alam kong not so good things about me, may mga pagkukulang din naman ako sa kanya bilang wife nya,, most of the time my opinion matters at yung kanya hindi,, dati hindi ko yun napapansin, yun pala na he hurt sya,, he felt na minamaliit ko sya,,, medyo mas succesful kasi ko sa kanya career wise, sabi nga nya may nagsabi daw sa kanya na may inferiority complex na sya sakin,,, i tried not to make him feel that way,,

in terms of paranoia, i am trying to overcome that, ini improve ko din yung pagiging makulit ko, i think it works, kasi pag di ako kumikibo at di ko sya hinahanap kung nasan sya, sya pa mag a update sakin,,, di kasi sya employed like me, may business sya na mineral water station at coffee business,, may pag ka chinese kasi kaya negosyante... alam nyo sisses napagod na din kasi ako sa sarili ko, chasing him all the time, i realized i cannot control everthing at hindi ko sya kaya bantayan all the time,,, kaya the things i cannot control i tried to slow down on it,, and i feel better,,, siguro mas dito ko makikita kung ano talaga ang choice nya,,,

nakita ko din sa kanya yung pagbawi nya dahil during the times na may pasok ako sa school he is driving me off to work and hinihintay nya na din ako from work to drive me off naman to school,, para di na ko mahirapan mag park,, then he's waiting na until matapos ang schooling ko,, ganun sya dati,, at ginagawa nya na ulit ngayon,, di ako ang sabi na gawin nya ito, kusa nya ginawa,, na feel ko naman na happy sya,,, sana nga,,, hayyyy,,,

also, i deleted all the contact nos, of the girl sa phone ko,, i will never ever communicate with her, kasi sobrang ibang klaseng babae sya,, i can say na wala talagang konsensya,, and just yesterday, she texted me with a blank text,, ni deadma ko na lang... ewan ko baka may gusto sabihin ang girl,, hay,, ayoko na masaktan,,, so i distance myself sa mga bagay na alam ko pwede ako masaktan...

nakakatulong din yung from time to time, hubby always tells me he loves me, morning, while driving, before going to sleep, whenever he felt siguro,, pero di ba madali lang sabihin yun,, di ko pa din masabi,, di ko alam kung katangahan ba itong 9 months na binibigay ko sa amin,, but i felt i need to give us a break,, lalo na we have sons (7 and 1 yo),,, ramdam na ramdam ko naman gaano nya kamahal mga anak nya,,,

i dont know if everything is too good to be true,, oo nga pala, yun cp ni hubby, i opt not to look at it or even hanapin although minsan nakikita ko naman,,, ewan ko,,, choice ko na wag tignan siguro sa takot ko na din na baka may makita ako,,, i fear a lot, kasi feeling ko just one more and no chance na talaga,,, sabi ko din kay hubby na,, this time hindi ako maghahanap ng evidence,,, pero once evidence ang lumapit sakin,, alam na nya,,,

hayyyyyy sisses,,, di ko alam what will happen through this 9 months,,, God only knows,,,

GOD BLESS US ALL,,,

i will keep you posted,,, thanks again for all my sisses here,,, i really appreciate everyone who took time in responding to this thread,,,, please let it flow,,,, i love to read more of your thoughts,,,

[Girltalker2]

previous days passed by, i can say naman, na nag improve ang relationship namin,, though not really gradual, but i can sense and feel na bumabawi naman sya, though there were moments of snap sadness, kasi ang hirap hirap pag ang tiwala ang nasira,, yung mga times na nsa work ako,, at nakatalikod ako sa kanya, that's very critical,, yung un mga meltdowns ko na naiisip ko na meron pa din sila, though alam ko naman na di naman talaga agad agad totally completely magtatapos agad sila,, ang hirap hirap pa din,,,,

Sis, I don't think you have read the posts by heart.  Can you again read what you have written?  Bumabawi ang hubby mo and yet ALAM MO na hindi sya completely matatapos?  So kelan matatapos?


Sis, reading your posts, relate na relate ako dati.  To be blunt, hindi ba iyan nakakasira ng ulo?  Because I can remember it happened to me before, and nakakasira ng ulo. Malungkot, galit, babait ka ulit kasi akala mo OK NA SYA, pero mabait lang pala sya or andyan sya kasi nag away sila. Etc. 

And kahit na anong mali na nagawa mo (btw, di mo naman kasalanan kung may inferiority complex ang asawa mo o magaling ka),  kahit pa makulit ka, his infidelity can NEVER be justified.

nakita ko din sa kanya yung pagbawi nya dahil during the times na may pasok ako sa school he is driving me off to work and hinihintay nya na din ako from work to drive me off naman to school,, para di na ko mahirapan mag park,, then he's waiting na until matapos ang schooling ko,, ganun sya dati,, at ginagawa nya na ulit ngayon,, di ako ang sabi na gawin nya ito, kusa nya ginawa,, na feel ko naman na happy sya,,, sana nga,,, hayyyy,,,

Are you saying ang pagbawi is being able to do the right things for you, EXCEPT apologize, be remorseful and totally cut off his relationship with his mistress?  No amount of hatid/sundo, waiting for you can change the fact kung Nagsorry na ba sya?  Remorseful na ba sya?  Nagpromise na sya na di na nya uulitin?  100% trust na hindi na nya gagawin ever?

also, i deleted all the contact nos, of the girl sa phone ko,, i will never ever communicate with her, kasi sobrang ibang klaseng babae sya,, i can say na wala talagang konsensya,, and just yesterday, she texted me with a blank text,, ni deadma ko na lang... ewan ko baka may gusto sabihin ang girl,, hay,, ayoko na masaktan,,, so i distance myself sa mga bagay na alam ko pwede ako masaktan...

As I have said, I don't think you have read the posts BY HEART.
You are saying walang konsyensya yung girl. Eh anong tawag mo sa asawa mo? In fact, between the 2 of them, yung asawa mo ang walang konsyensya. As you have put all your trusts in him, entered into the marriage, and yet did exactly the opposite what is expected of him.  As for the girl, di mo sya kaano-ano, may nagawa man sya against you, she was a stranger to you who has erred you because of the situation. Kung di man sya yung naging mistress, meron at meron ibang babae magiging mistress kasi ang asawa mo ang may pinakamalaking pagkakamali sa situation na iyan.

nakakatulong din yung from time to time, hubby always tells me he loves me, morning, while driving, before going to sleep, whenever he felt siguro,, pero di ba madali lang sabihin yun,, di ko pa din masabi,, di ko alam kung katangahan ba itong 9 months na binibigay ko sa amin,, but i felt i need to give us a break,, lalo na we have sons (7 and 1 yo),,, ramdam na ramdam ko naman gaano nya kamahal mga anak nya,,,

I am not sure if this is a good sign. It can be good and it can also be bad. But based on my experience for keeping up with my ex for years, lagi na nyang bukang bibig iyan. Walang kurap.  But still the mahal din nya ang mistress at ang sarili nya.

i will keep you posted,,, thanks again for all my sisses here,,, i really appreciate everyone who took time in responding to this thread,,,, please let it flow,,,, i love to read more of your thoughts,,,

Sis, I suggest na if you can be closer to God.  Pray, pray and pray.  Kahit ano pa mangyari, if strong ang faith mo, baka puede pa talaga magbago ang asawa mo.  If not naman, I am sure puedeng may higit pa na puede dumating sa buhay mo, na eventually sasaya karin (dapat lang at wala nang dapat ikalungkot pa ang buhay mo now).

Will pray for you too sis na sana you can be enlightened, have the strength to face whatever outcome, and most of all, come out of this HAPPY.

[langley]

toydoll when we got married we had vows
we said "for better or for worse"
maybe this is just the "worse" part of your marriage.
Don't give up on your marriage sis.
Fight, yes fight the devil that wants to destroy your marriage.
You see your husband is not the enemy. The enemy is Satan, the devil who destroys everything.
How can we fight the devil? By being with Jesus. By having faith. By entrusting to him everything including our marriages.  If you read the Bible sis you will find there specific instructions for wives.

Submitting to our husbands and respecting him.

I can tell you there are many marriages that survives infidelities. Mine is one example.

There is hope sister.
Do not give up.

[toydoll]

Thanks so much sisses... sis girtalker and sis langley.. who were the recent sisses who once again enlightened me...been reflecting hardly for quite sometime...i am hoping for light...there were days na ok pag magkasama kami but pag hindi it was like hell sa sobrang paranoid ko that im hardly controlling..its breaking me aparr.. thiose times..sis langley.. how did your marriage survivr the infidelity? Pls share... would be very helpful... pls

[toydoll]

I am somehow hoping.. convincing myself.. na yes this is just the worse part.. trial lang ito.. i am sincere though with the 9 months.. i will also try to improve all my weaknesses as a wife..

The hurtful part is that..may mga times na nararamdaman ko na hindi pa sila tapos.. wala man akong hard evidence but i can feel it toooo bad.. sobrang down ako during those times.... i can say na in 9 yrs of us being together... ito yung pinakamahirap na kelangan ko harapin...

[Girltalker2]

Thanks so much sisses... sis girtalker and sis langley.. who were the recent sisses who once again enlightened me...been reflecting hardly for quite sometime...i am hoping for light...there were days na ok pag magkasama kami but pag hindi it was like hell sa sobrang paranoid ko that im hardly controlling..its breaking me aparr.. thiose times..sis langley.. how did your marriage survivr the infidelity? Pls share... would be very helpful... pls

sobrang relate ako sa post mo sis.

nangyari narin iyan sakin before, pag magkasama kayo parang OK lang lahat. Pero bigla syang mawawala tapos di mo alam san nagpunta or kelan babalik. Nakaka praning. Nakaka sira ng ulo.  And it led me to end my life. So sis, be careful, do not allow such things to happen to you. Maghanap ka ng libangan, pray, punuin mo sched mo with your 2 kids at sa pagpamper sa sarili mo.

 

[aquacharly]

^ Kahit ano pa ang sama ng isang asawa, infidelity should never be the answer to it. 

Kung mature enough sila to handle such relationships, yung husband dapat kinakausap si wife.  If di parin umubra talaga after several tries na "ayaw" na talaga magwork, then hiwalayan na ni hubby si wife. It is that simple. 

Finding a third party in the midst of a relationship while finding fault to your partner to justify it is totally deceitful.

Either party of the marriage does not have the right to be unfaithful just because your wife/husband did something.  Mag-asawa kayo, kasal kayo, meron kayong kasunduan.  Leaving the marriage should happen first kasi alam mo wala nang isasalvage pa, before one party attempts to engage himself/herself to another partner.  Hindi yung nakikipagsiping ka na kung kani-kanino while still living your marriage vows daw. 

I TOTALLY AGREE.
Lahat PUEDE pag-usapan.  Kung ang "ka-pyutah-han"  nga napag-uusapan & nagka ka-ayos --  so what cannot be discussed and sorted out?
Another problem will not solve a problem --  tama Lola namin, who dealt with so many philandering episodes of  our Lolo.

TOYDOLL, play your cards well. If it is God's Will for you to stay married:  your relationship will become better because you will become stronger & happier.
BUT the coming days & years will test your patience &  you will need to ask God more often for the grace of Forgiveness.
You will need to be watchful you don't lose your temper.  Yan ang hardest part of my life post-kabitch.  Part of the fall-out: I can be a real b**** with sarcastic & hurtful words thrown at hubby during my times of rage.  The anger never leaves -- it just lurks; so you gotta be watchful. 

Now, all I can say is:  be watchful that he goes into True Remorse & Reform.  What is his reason for  "coming back"?   Try to discern/find out.  Some men come back because the Kabitch replaced them, or does not take as good care of them. IMO, yang mga reasons na ganyan are like ticking time bombs:  sooner or later, he will betray you again.

My dad finally left his kab1tch when he realized he was a bad example to his children. My brothers' marriages were breaking up all over MManila, a sister divorced her husband...   
My husband left his kab1tch (I got proof of the 2+years affair 6 months after he dumped her)  after realizing that he was destroying the family he was working hard for.  He said he saw it in my eyes once we exchanged a very short conversation in our dressing room that I was on the way out of his life.   TOYDOLL,  the deadline I set was just 2 months or so ahead at that time of the conversation. 

My husband told me too that before he saw the "goodbye" in my eyes -- he had already dumped kab1tch. He had reformed, but it was like I didn't notice the changes.  So good for you, you see the changes. He said what was hardest was thinking out how he could bridge the  big gap that was already in place between us. So yan, natuto sya uli to  pray hard. 

A lot ask how I am nowadays, how I survived the kab1tch episode, how married life is.
All I can say is: everything begins & ends with you.
Let me try to explain:

For me to have survived the betrayal -- haynaku, I know I am super strong as all betrayed women are. 
I did everything I could, to the best of my abilities, given whatever circumstances --  so there - it was a good fight.  No regrets, no shame in fighting the good fight ika nga.
After I got undeniable evidence of the 2+years of  kapyutahhan right from the ex-kabitch's mouth --  Boink  Boink Boink.  As GIRLTALKER2 stated: hindi ka mamamatay.  (You may die an emotional death, but you will rise emotionally in less than 3 days, faster than Jesus.  Ako, it took about 5minutes.   Kasi self-preservation & self-esteem SHOULD kick in. Unless pina bayaan mo totally yourself & you just crumple in a corner to cry for days. )

I say to those who have the guts to ask me how I was then:  I felt LIBERATED! After the Boink! from the arse's, este kab1tch's mouth.
It was like the heavy burden suffocating my heart evaporated. The Truth really set me free!
I could look at hubby eye-to-eye & tell him to leave, and I will continue living a beautiful life.
When the chips are down and The Truth is out in the open, tatapang ka kasi nga your self worth & self esteem kicks in. Aha! You realize you won't die if he is out of your life. Kahit na magsama pa sila, good riddance. Kasi di ba, ang bigat ng buhay if you go through life bearing the feeling of being betrayed every effing day. Pero hindi mo ma exactly pin down the depth & breadth or even details of the betrayal (si hubby, sobra galing sa pagtago -- I got confirmation nga only from the ex kab1tch!)

When you decide to get over the betrayal: do not nag.
The silver lining is that you will know & feel your strength.  Better nga, for sure --  your remorseful husband will know and feel your strength.
Your marriage becomes better & happier because you 2, in effect, RENEW your vows after really knowing each other. Kasi di, di ba, after marrying & you live together na & you get to live through life's challenges -- you really know each other better. So, it is not the big party on your milestone wedding anniversaries that RENEW your commitment to each other -- but the big post-boinks! 

Nowadays, I am happy with myself. That is the cornerstone of all happiness, kahit ano pa dakdak ng iba.  I know my husband knows I know he knows his Best Life is with me. More important, I know he knows I know he knows I take no more crap nowadays.
Since 2006 - our marriage has been vibrant & a real marriage. I say what I want & get it.  Life is beautiful.


So there, TOYDOLL - you are at  the biggest fork in the road nowadays.
You dump him, or renew your commitment, whichever you decide on. --  trust in God that you will be alright.  Just take good care of yourself. He loves  martyrs for The Faith, surely. But surely too, He does not want you to be a martyr to 1 person who violates His commandment: Thou shalt not commit Adultery.

Take good care of yourself, TOYDOLL.
Many of us here pray for you. 

[graZiousa]

hello sis Toydoll... tama ang lahat ng sinabi ng mag sis dito.. sa umpisa mahirap, pero the earlier na magquit the better, masa maaga maumpisan ang proseso ng pag momove on.. Good luck sayo sis. and may the good Lord guide you all through your journey..

[langley]

Sis toydoll don't give up.
Pray and forgive.
Let your husband lead you and when he do something good thank him.
Notice him, appreciate him. Men love that.
And maybe you can say sorry too, you know for being disrespectful in the past.

Sometimes naalala ko pa din yun ginawa nga asawa ko. At masakit. During those times I cried out to God. And then I would remember pinatawad ko na asawa ko eh. My feelings and my emotions will not dictate me. Kailangan talaga forgiveness and total surrender to God. Hindi mo kaya yan mag-isa. You need God's power and strength to overcome everything. You really need to let go and let God.

[toydoll]

Sometimes naalala ko pa din yun ginawa nga asawa ko. At masakit. During those times I cried out to God. And then I would remember pinatawad ko na asawa ko eh. My feelings and my emotions will not dictate me. Kailangan talaga forgiveness and total surrender to God. Hindi mo kaya yan mag-isa. You need God's power and strength to overcome everything. You really need to let go and let God.

Sis Langley, would you mind to share with us what your husband did? Gaano ba kalalim ang kasalanan nya sa sayo? kasi alam ko naman pare parehong infidelity ang cases natin, pero nag iiba iba sa level, like ilang beses nya ito ginawa? gaano katagal naging sila? ano ang level ng pagtingin nya sa babae nya? nagkaanak ba sya doon? Sorry i didn't mean to let you remember pero a lot of sisses will be enlightened and will learn from your story.....gaano na ba katagal since you forgave your husband? Did he have the full remorse right there and then? Hay sis,,, sorry talaga,,

Right now, i feel sooo down again,, meltdown moments again,,, all are still fresh,, at sobrang hirap ng ganitong situation,,, sobra,,,,,

ang hirap din tanggapin na hindi ka pala mahal ng taong pinakasalan mo,, sorry kung san san na napupunta emotions ko,, sisses,, kung maibabalik nyo ba, would you still choose the same path you are in right now? or sobrang stupid ng question ko??? hayyyy,,,,

[toydoll]

You've set a deadline for your husband, what was it, 9 months? You said you can't leave your husband because you're not emotionally ready. Is it like when you leave him, para kang mapuputulan ng isang hita or paa, and you can't bear the thought of walking through life without another leg? Am I partly correct in describing how you'll feel? If so, in the 9 months, instead of focusing your entire emotional and mental energy to your husband, you can focus on yourself. Grow a new leg, make yourself whole, look into the mirror and see the person who deserves to be respected, to be valued, and loved. If we cannot see our own value and worth as a person, how can others see that? Give your husband a lesson how to respect and value you. If he can't be taught, then the decision is yours.

You can make some reflection about your life, about who you are as a person, seems to me that you have lost yourself along the way. Attend ka ng prayer communties like The Feast so you could start tapping into your spiritual self and God. And from there, you can discover and access your strengths. And then whatever life-altering decision that you can make will happen between you and God, you and Life.

Thanks sis glamorosa, tama ka sis, para ko mapuputulan ng kamay at paa, ang hirap hirap maglakad at gumawa ng mga bagay bagay ng wala sya,,, pero ano din ang sense na nandiyan sya pero pinahihirapan at patuloy na niloloko ka pa din,,, ang hirap ng nasa ganitong sitwasyon and i salute all our sisses and women that made the right decision and who were able to find happiness in separation...

there were moments when i want to stand and decide already,, kapag nasa meltdown moments ako,, either way mahirap,, pwede ko bang sabihin na mag iintay na lang ako na sya mismo ang umiwan sakin??? katangahan na naman at kaduwagan,,

points:
1) peace of mind -  we can have this in separation, mawawalan ka ng moments ng insanity where syempre pag di kayo magkasama iisipin mo na ayan na naman sila,, niloloko ka na naman nya ulit,, walang katapusan, nakakapanget at nakakabaliw talaga,,,at ayoko maging baliw,,,

2) fights - pag magkasama kayo, maraming instances of fights kasi syempre paranoid ang wife,, mag aaway kayo ng sobra,, hurting words and all na nakakwala ng respeto sa sarili,,,

3) happiness - ito ang hindi ko alam,, either way, di ko makita kung san ko to mahahagilap,, hiwalay, loneliness, magkasama kayo,, loneliness pa rin...

4) respect in oneself - we can have this in separation...

_______________________________________________________

ang gulo ng post ko,, kung gano kagulo post ko ganun din kagulo kalooban ko,, i can't compose myself,,, buti na lang i still can control myself,, pero sobrang dami ko ng napapabayaan,,

di ko maintindihan bakit may mga taong sobrang selfish,,, bakit may mga taong gaya ng hubby ko,,, sobrang sama,,, walang awa,, walang konsensya,,, isa lang siguro dapat kong tanggapin ngayon,, baka talagang di nya ko mahal or di nya ko minahal umpisa pa lang, sobra lang ang pagka indenial ko,,,

[Girltalker2]

Sis toydoll, paano mo naman nasabi na niloloko ka pa din? 

Re sis langley, yes I did surrender to God but nothing happened. Lalo pa kamo idinidiin at ipinapamukha sakin. I also caught them outside.  Oh di ba? Ang swerte ko naman maabutan ko silang magkasama sa labas, without monitoring na.


Sis toydoll, regarding happiness - mahirap sya hanapin talaga especially sa situation na niloko tayo ng asawa natin at feeling ko nawala lahat sayo bigla.  Kaso in my case, kaya nga siguro ako natagalan, feeling ko either way, hindi rin naman ako masaya, so I better stay put until I am SURE sa gagawin ko. Tapos slowly as I build my life once again - find my own hobbies and things to do, narealize ko na istorbo nalang sya tuwing sisipot sya. At lagi nakong naiinis (instead of awa sa sarili ko) ang nararamdaman ko. Then dun ko na feel na I was ready to leave na pala. Tapos nung busy busy nako, dun ko na realize na meron din pala nagkakagusto sakin.  Then yun na yung time na I started dating. I really expected to just be single for the rest of my life.  Yes, I am still single now and enjoying it.  But who knows, I am not sure what's in store in the future, but whatever it would be, I am excited how it would unfold kasi alam kong wala nang papangit pa sa situation ko dati with my ex.

[loveleah]

Sis Toydoll, I feel for you and want to hug you right now. You must be very confused, hopefully he does not hurt you again, wag na wag mong hayaang gawin nya uli , you need to check on him if he goes with his philandering ways na naman, otherwise, don't allow yourself to suffer, find your happiness, it surely is not with him, all he does is give you hell. Heaven is waiting for you Sis, please talk to God , look at your kids, you guys deserve WAY BETTER .