How do I move on from a wrong and bad relationship if I still love the person? It was a wrong relationship since we can't be together (at least legally), and it was a bad relationship since he said too many lies to me and broke my heart many times.
We both have our respective relationships and we're both unhappy. But neither of us couldn't end it with our respective partners because of many reasons. Regardles, our relationshp thrived kasi parehas kami masaya with each other. Kahit pa ganun situation namen, naging ok kami...
Then came a problem. Nag away sila ng gf nya to the point na pinalayas sya and everythng. At ako, dahil mahal ko, tinulungan ko makahanap ng place. Pinahiram ko ng money para makapagsimula sya ulit. Pati pag hanap ng malilipatan nyang work, inasikaso ko. Hindi ko na inisip yung risk na may makakakita pa sa amin kasi ang nasa isip ko, kailangan ako ng taong mahal ko... Sinubukan kong maging kumpleto para sa kanya...
Si gf, realizing na nilayasan na sya ng bf nya, cried and begged. Nung umpisa, honest pa sakin si bf and told me everything na nangyayari like kung kakausapin nya lang daw etc. Pero si gf, nahanap ang weakness ni bf.... Ginamit nya yung sakit nya to win him back (kidney problem). Nung umpisa, nagpapasama lang with her check-ups etc. Tapos unti-unti, bigla nalang nya dadaanan sa workplace naka face mask and everything. Si bf, syempre, awang awa. Then followed by several more meet-ups na this time, hindi na pinapaalam sakin ni bf.
Everytime nagkakaron ako ng gut feel sa ginagawa ni bf, ayun, puro sigaw aabutin ko. Kesho wala daw ako tiwala etc. And i thought na ganun lang yung attitude nya kasi problemado din sya sa work at that time. Tiniis ko lahat yon. I was crying the whole time and was praying to God constantly na sana, makita ko na yung hindi ko nakikita...
May mga times like bigla nalang sya na Xsend sakin na para sa gf nya pala. He was calling her baby. Now why would you still call your x baby diba? Pero ang defense nya, tinawag lang nya na baby kasi naawa daw sya. Pero hindi daw sila ulit. Meron naman time na nakita ko sila magkasama sa car ni gf. Ang defense nya, i gigive up na daw ni gf yung apartment nila at kakausapin sila ng land lord. All these nilunok ko yung paliwanag nya at gave him the benefit of the doubt. Lahat to nangyari na ako ang umiiyak at ako ang sinisigawan. Iyak ako ng iyak kasi pakiramdam ko talaga, may mali. Pero ayun, ako pa ang masama.
Dasal ako ng dasal, at eto na nga....nahuli ko na nagsisinungaling si bf. I was at his new apartment (yung place na tinulungan ko sya mahanap) early morning at wala sya. I didn't tell him na nandun ako. Pero when we spoke at the phone, he spoke na kunwari nandun sya...at ang sakit sakit madinig na nagsisinungaling ang taong mahal mo na binuhos mo lahat para tulungan sya tapos lolokohin ka pa pala.... For some days, I never told him na alam ko na.... na dun na pala sya umuuwi ulit sa apartment nila ng gf nya.
Sobrang sakit. Pero to cut the story short, binigyan ko pa sya ng chance bumawi sa mga ginawa nya. He didn't tell me that he got back with his gf kasi ayaw daw nya ako mawala. And he got back with his gf kasi may sakit si gf... kailangan daw sya nito at may utang ng loob sya dito. I didn't cut communications with him at nagkikita parin kami. Pero I was taken for granted. Dumating yung time na napuno na ko. This was after several months na. Binabalot ako ng galit ko sa kanya for lying to me and treating me badly. Puro sumbat ang inaabot nya sakin sa text at iyak ako ng iyak.
To cut the story short, now, I'm not seeing him for almost two months now and he's begging me to come back and give him that last chance to prove that he loves me. Ako daw ang mahal nya. Madami daw sya narealize etc. after ko syang iwanan totally. He sends me email and texts na umiiyak sya and everything and feels the loss. Pero malinaw naman na he's really back with his gf. At hindi ko na ata kaya yon.
It seems that God has given me enough reasons to end it and move forward but I just can't... For weeks, I have been trying to ignore his calls and messages begging me to come back to him but when he stops even for a day, I cry like crazy.
Madaming factors kung bakit ako nag decide na wag na bumalik. Like, mali naman in the first place. Kahit masaya ako noon with him, may guilt after. Second, niloko nya ako ng paulit ulit at sinaktan. Third, hindi sya worth invest ng time and effort dahil pagdating sakin, wala syang masyadong effort.
Pero kahit ganito, I still hurt. I could'nt sleep well. Kapag hindi ko na maramdaman yung text nya, I cry like hell. Mahirap itaboy completely ang taong nakasanayan ko nang mahalin....
I hope you can share your thoughts on the matter..... please...
