What will you feel if your bf says...

[calin22]

please delete

[Ireneeeeee]

sorry but magstart na ako mag move on and move forward.. hindi naman kailangan makipag break agad pero ipaparamdam ko na upset ako sa sinabi nya (totoo naman) at kakausapin ko sya about our goals in life. Masakit kaya masabihan hindi sya sure sa relationship ninyo considering 9 years na kayo?? Just talk in a mature way about your goals in life.. wala naman hindi nasosolve ng good communication. Ngayon, kung wala ang marriage sa goal in life nya at ikaw naman isa yun sa main goal, magkakaproblema talaga kayo. As for your action plan, I suggest sis create some distance na between you. Unti- unti mo na paramdam sa kanya na hindi mo sya kelangan para mabuhay ka na masaya. Until then, he will realize kung anong mwawala sa kanya thus, he will be motivated to treasure the relationship at mapapaisip sya na "Ay mali ako.. sure na pala ako sa kanya." Kung opposite man ang realization nya, hindi mo kawalan sis. At least, you're freeing yourself for somebody out there who would shout to the world na sure na sure na sure na sya 150% sa iyo at sa relationship ninyo and can openly talk about marriage (though not too soon naman but hindi naman aabot nang 9 years).

Just my two cents.

[simang]

When a guy says he's not sure about marriage, it means that he's not sure about marrying you. It's unfair that you have to wait until he's sure about marrying you. It's like saying na let's not commit muna, baka kase mas may better pa sayo, sayang naman kung papakasalan na kita.

[sugardrop]

Are you willing to wait until he thinks he is matured enough to start thinking about settling down? If yes, how long are you willing to wait? If no, what do you plan to do about it?

[calin22]

When a guy says he's not sure about marriage, it means that he's not sure about marrying you. It's unfair that you have to wait until he's sure about marrying you. It's like saying na let's not commit muna, baka kase mas may better pa sayo, sayang naman kung papakasalan na kita.

This is actually what I have in mind.

Thanks sis @Ireneeeeee and @sugardrop

For my plans, I'm willing to wait until this year..
and since 8 years ago pa since nag-usap kami about "our future/goals", we should really talk about it.

[Razchelle]

Parang ako ito ah. Well, I let go of him. I made a big decision of my life and I have no regrets of leaving him. I am much happier now. It's been three years since we parted ways.

[aquacharly]

After all these years, assuming you are both stable now, both mature people with plans and a target achievement timeline --   That I-Am-Searching-For-Myself line is actually his saying to your face:  you're not The One.  I see you as a Puede Na,  though.

Darling, sorry for the harsh words but I'd say the same thing to myself if I were in your shoes.
9 years!  Where are you? Sorry but - he has outgrown you, or just gotten bored.
Don't wait for him to dump you for someone he deems as "sparkling".
You walk now, & either he gets "boinked" into realizing your great value to him, or he just let's you walk.
Heartbreak, yes --  but better than waiting for what?

Do not settle for a guy who can't see you as a critical necessary part of his future.

[sw33tsw33t]

I'd feel exactly how you're feeling right now..

Him saying that only means one thing.. that he's not really seeing you as the "one" to settle with. It has nothing to do whether he's already mature for marriage or not..

Simply put, he's only with you kase siguro may mga sentiments lang kase matagal na rin kayo. After 9 years, he should know already if you guys are going to settle down at a given future.

If I were you, I'd cut my losses already and call it quits with him. That would only be fair to yourself. Huwag mong antayin na makahanap siya ng other girl who will definitely bring a different excitement for him kase bago eh. I think that's the only thing that he's waiting to happen, find someone else before finally letting you go.. he's being unfair keeping you while he's waiting.. 

[sarah29]

^ I totally agree.

He's just not that into you. Plain and simple. Sorry 

[justin3]

TS, sa tingin ko lang, walang kahinatnang kasalan nga yang kinasasadlakan mo kung ganun nga ang pananaw nya. after another 9yrs, ganun ulit ang sasabihin nya. paulit-ulit na lang. not unless bigyan mo sya ng extra pressure at deadline.

9 years? sobrang tagal na nun as mag-jowa. you may be in your mid-late 20s na. nasa marrying age na nga... kunsabagay, may 10yrs-plus nga dito sa GT.

hindi ba sumagi sa isip mo na...
parang ganito lang yan eh, on his part, Why buy the whole cow kung libre naman ang gatas araw-araw at isang hiwa ng beef steak linggo-linggo?
at ikaw naman... ano ba? on your part, do you really wanna buy the entire pig for you to have a daily supply of that 3-inch sausage?

clarify ko lang. are you living-in together o may kanya-kanya pa kayong inuuwian?
independent o dependent pa kina mama y papa?
magkaibang sitwasyon kasi yon eh.

by the way, this bf, is he the same guy na ikaw yung gumawa ng midterms ang finals para pumasa at maka-graduate?
yung tipong laban-laban, bawi-bawi ang relationship nyo?
wala lang. dakilang UZIsero lang ako.

[PrincessC]

have a heart-to-heart with him muna sis.

sorry to be nosy pero bakit ba yan na-bring up? do you want to get married already?

ikaw ba, are you ready for marriage na? do you think that you are physically, emotionally and financially ready?

pasintabi sa guy talkers pero may mga guys kasi na kuntento lang sa status quo unless they are "pushed." baka naman kasing ok sya sa set-up nyo now and hindi lang talaga naiisip na baguhin ang lifestyle nya. syempre hindi biro ang responsibilities that come with marriage. baka mamaya kaya di nya ma-envision yan kasi feel nya na wala pa syang na-a-accomplish at di pa nya kaya mag-support ng family. pwede naman kasing he wants a future with you pero hindi pa lang sya ready now.

pag financial ang issue, pwede magawan ng paraan..pag-ipunan, etc. pero if he can't see a future with you, ibang usapan na yan.

if you really want to get married, let him know it's important to you. tignan mo how he will respond to that.

prepare yourself lang. in my opinion, you should only ask "pandora's box" questions kung handa ka to hear the best and the worst.

[Awesomecakes]

Like you dear, I once doubted our relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years na. We also started our relationship while in college. As years passed, I realized parang there's something na kulang. There are times that I felt like, where is our relationship going? Do we have plans? Are we getting married?

Then one day, we had a conversation and that made me realized that there's a time for everything. Like us, since we started in college pa lang, syempre we want to achieve something before getting married. We have our priorities, personal goals and of course, family. Somehow we want to give back to our family before we settle and get married.

I guess what's important is, your communication. Ask him straight, what are his future plans. Tell him yours. Hindi naman kayo 1-2 year relationship lang para mahiya to ask such things eh. And I think nasa right age na rin tayo to settle, importante na alam niyo ang dreams ng isa't isa, yun partner mo dapat ang no. 1 supporter mo. Siguro from there, you'll get the answer... Think twice or even a hundred times if it's worth it to stay in that relationship. Maybe he's just preparing for something? All I can say is, only you can tell what do you think will happen, only you who knows your boyfriend well. Good luck, dear, and God bless you...

[azrael]

naku if its like that, move on na. I am sure maraming ibang tao mas ma appreciate ka at hindi ka lang someone na anjan sa tabi ng isang lalaki na di niya pa alam ang gusto niya.
Nauubos ang oras mo sa kanya gayong di naman niya alam what to do. unfair lang na one day gumising siya sure siya.. sure na hindi pala ikaw.

[Misis_Maku]

awww... sorry to hear about your situation sis.

Anyway, sort of similar kayo ng situation ng BFF ko, pero sya naman kasi may iba pang reason ang BF nya kung bakit hindi pa siya ready mag-settle with my friend... pressure sa family ng BFF ko and financial stability.

Before jumping out of the relationship and being cold sa kanya, try to get to the bottom of all these muna baka there are other reasons - maybe he's afraid sa responsibility or something else. Try to talk with him and let him know what you sincerely feel - kapag walang valid reason from him and wala syang plano talaga then it's time to let go and move on. hugsss*

[C+C]

advice ko lang sayo sis,.. its YOU who should decide kung mag stay ka sa relationship nyo or hindi..
in my case,.. uumay nako sa bf ko kasi 5yrs na kame.. he's telling me na may plans naman syang mag settle down pero di nya alam kung kelan.. then biglang pag gising ko isang araw I decided na ihinto nalang kung wala naman patutunguhan kesa maimbyerna lang ako sa kanya at ako pa gumawa ng masama na sisira saming dalawa..

to cut the story short.. I told him to go find other girl na willing maghintay forever coz im done. hahah.. then he said he'll marry me..ahhaha.. sabi ko naman walang pilitan to.. im really willing to let him go na talaga kasi.. hayz.. then nakikiramdam ako baka kasi napilitan lang, pero nagexplain naman sya na ayaw nya ko mawala kaya nag decide nadin sya... konting push lang pala kailangan nya hahaha...

masaya namana kame sa wedding preps now.. gustong gusto kong galitin sya para makita kung may ilalabas syang hinaing or the like, .. wala naman.. happy na ulit kame.. 

[anirtak127]

I once doubted our relationship too. Pinaguusapan namin ni fiance ang idea na magbi-business kami that time. Sabi ko gusto ko unahin namin na magkakasama na kami. Ang sabi nya, "Kelan pa yun? We can only earn so much. Mas maganda mag business muna tayo." Nasaktan talaga ako kasi ready na din ako mag settle down. That was November last year. 4th anniv namin nung December, sabi ko sa sarili ko, pag di sya magsabi man lang ng concrete plans para samin by the end of 2013, ako na mismo ang magtatanong sa kanya. Alas, by December 31, he proposed to me. Hihi! Sakin lang, baka naman nililihis ka lang nya at baka may pina-plano sya. Malay natin. Kahit ba dati hindi nyo napag-uusapan ang tungkol sa kasal?

Another question: Does he believe in marriage? Not ready to settle down and not believing in marriage are different. I suggest you ask him if he's seeing the future with you or if he believes in marriage per se. Kasi unfair din sayo na heto ka umaasa na kayo ang magkakatuluyan tapos iba pala ang paniniwala nya.

Patty Laurel broke up with Atom Araullo because they have different beliefs in marriage. I assume Atom does not believe in marriage kasi si Patty, after a couple of years of breaking up with Atom, is now happily married na with Patrick Filart. They celebrated their first wedding anniversary last November 2013.

Here's a link to Patty's blog re: her relationship with Atom: http://www.pattylaurel.com/2011/10/this-i-have-to-address.html

I suggest mag-usap kayo ng masinsinan. Bilang nine years na din naman kayo in a relationship, dapat wala na din awkwardness sa inyo ang topic na ito. Hope to hear new from you. :-)

[rheinfall18]

sis baka naman nacoconvert na si bf to womanhood? 9 years and he'll tell he's not sure of himself sounding like too afraid to commit in marriage? hmmm...hmmm... @.@

[daveigh]

After all these years, assuming you are both stable now, both mature people with plans and a target achievement timeline --   That I-Am-Searching-For-Myself line is actually his saying to your face:  you're not The One.  I see you as a Puede Na,  though.

Darling, sorry for the harsh words but I'd say the same thing to myself if I were in your shoes.
9 years!  Where are you? Sorry but - he has outgrown you, or just gotten bored.
Don't wait for him to dump you for someone he deems as "sparkling".
You walk now, & either he gets "boinked" into realizing your great value to him, or he just let's you walk.
Heartbreak, yes --  but better than waiting for what?

Do not settle for a guy who can't see you as a critical necessary part of his future.

Same thoughts. Nicely put, sis Aquacharly.

Dear, heed her warning. Hindi sa uunahan mo sya na ma-dump ka pero your bf should see your worth in his life. Better have space para makapagisip ka.