I made an unforgivable mistake (SIN) long story beware

[wrongmistake]

Hi GT,

Im a guy and id like to share the dumb decisions and mistakes that I made. Wala na kasi ako masabihan ang alam kasi nila maayos akong tao mapagmahal at magalang natatakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari. Sa mga kapamilya ko, kaibigan mga kamaganak lalo na sa wife ko.

Im just recently married with my wife and the story goes on...

We started off na rocky ang relationship, im single and she got someone na as in fiancee ready na sila to tie the knot when I jumped into the relationship. I know and sensed na medyo rocky din sila ng fiancee niya. Siguro iisipin ng makakabasa nito OPPORTUNISTA papasok kapag vulnerable. Please dont judge me like that. Back then t**** ako at hindi nagiisip sa mga pwedeng masaktan at pumasok ako sa hindi dapat. Pero ganun na nga pumasok parin ako.

In short naging kami ng wife ko gf palang noon. sa mga sumunod na months weve got more arguments rather than being just a normal couple talo pa namin ang mag asawa sa away. Halos lahat napag aawayan namin maliit man o malaki. Lalong lumalaki. Ang iniisip ko noon igive up na wala naman na ako napapala. my old mentality said kapag nakuha ko na ang gusto ko iwan nalang.

Weve got issues, She havent gotten over her ex fiancee nacocompare pa niya lahat. Im neglectful from time to time. Shes bringing up past experiences and im just there when I want to be there.
its like all is wrong. Ang with all the issues going nanggugulo pa yung EX niya. Binabawi siya pero nandun na kami sa situation na ayaw na niya bumalik at nagsisisi na din siya sa mga nangyayari.
hindi ko na idedetalye lahat

Hindi ko naman masisising hindi magalit ang ex niya ako naman ang may kasalanan kung bakit nangyari noon. hindi ko na rin idedetail yung panggugulo ng ex niya but in short nangdamay na ng trabaho at pamilya

But against all odds, I stick to my resolve na siya na, kasi I felt something, hawiin na natin lahat ng arguments and all that crap. That the love we have is True. Na work out din namin lahat ng issue after almost a year, grabe parang 10 year na kami mag kasama sa dami ng issues na inayos namin.
But naayos din naclear and naunderstand na din namin yung issues and differences namin.
Napatahimik nanamin si EX niya for now, sana wag ng manggugulo ulit.

I promised her na mamahalin ko siya higit pa sa sarili ko at magulang ko papakita ko na tama siya ng decision at ako ang pinili niya at hindi yung Ex fiancee niya.

All went well may peace of mind na kami nakikita nanamin yung future nagplano na magpakasal.

Pero hindi naman palaging pasko meron mga pagsubok. Another storm hit me.

I met another girl, shes attractive, smart and witty and younger than me. Masarap siya kausap madaling makarelate malambing as in super close lagi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako na attract and in the first place wala ng masamang nangyayari samin ni GF masaya na nga kami, at mahal na mahal ko siya.

The bad thing is meron din siya BF, and as usual shes having problems with him and nasa stage ng confusion. Ewan ko ba bat ako ganito lagi na attract sa mga taken na. I was never interested sa mga single, Yes I dated single girls, pero kapag tagal wala na ako interest. Is it because sa challenge? or dahil meron karibal? or personal issues and insecurities?

So what happened?, ngaun ko lang nalaman mahina pala talaga ako madaling matisod at yung girl din natisod din. This happpened just last year and we are already engaged.

Naging kami, secretly meeting snuggling, kissing going on a date and of course nangyari ang hindi dapat mangyari. Hindi alam ng GF ko at hindi alam ng BF niya until now. Umabot to the point na sobra na ang attachment. Kaya niya daw iwan yung BF niya at sumama sakin. Alam niya na meron akong fiancee pero ok lang daw sa kanya for now na hati sila. And She did nag break sila at pinepressure niyang hiwalayan ko si GF ko.

Late ko na naisip na maling mali na ang ginagawa ko, SORRY sa mga readers t**** at mahina kasi ako. Mahal na mahal ko ang GF ko at hindi ko siya kayang iwan. hindi ko lang madiretso sa girl na masmahal ko ang fiancee ko. Hinayaan ko lang tumuloy ang relationship namin. In short nagpa asa ako ng tao at nakasakit ulit ng iba.

Then I got my GF pregnant, this changed everything samin. I was excited at the same time worried to death. Immedietely kong pinutol yung relationship namin ni girl, pero hindi ko sinabi sa kanya na buntis yung GF ko. Then I get pleads na wag ko siya iwan mamamatay daw siya, mamahal niya ako ng todo. After that it turned to threats alam niya kasi kung saan nag wowork si GF, icoconfront niya daw to tell her the truth na nagmamahalan kami. Pabiro niya pang sinabi na maging masama nalang siya kung hindi kita maaagaw sisirain nalang kita.

Sobrang takot ang naramdaman ko nun mga days na yun hindi ako mapakali, hindi makatulog stressed an stressed ang bilis ko magalit pati si fiancee ko nabubuntunan ko na ng galit.

So what I did para hindi mawala sakin yung fiancee ko, nag pakasal na kami just to make everything legal ayoko maging illegitimate yung baby namin. Hindi ko pinaalam kay girl na nagpakasal na kami secretly.

After all that, na confront ko naman siya napaliwanag ko na ikakasal na kami sa church na minahal ko talaga siya at hindi niloko and alam naman niya yung kalagayan namin nung nagstart meron kami pareho but I told her I need to choose. Sobrang lungkot niya at iyak ng iyak nung naguusap kami. Sabi niya mahal na mahal niya ako kakayanin niya daw to.

hindi na muna kami nagkita, nag uusap lang sa chat and message pero meron parin mga relapse minsan sweet siya maglalambing another na galit at napakasama ko, minsan tatawag lang at iiyak.

Kala ko ok na ilang weeks na kaming silent wala na communication, but I got a text sa kanya gusto daw niya mangumusta so tinawagan ko siya, chineck and ok naman siya coping up. Then na mention niya yung kasal baka naman daw porket meron kami hindi ko na siya iinvite.
So ako naman t**** feeling ok na, I gave her all the details, church date time and reception.

After a few days ko lang narealize bakit siya tumawag para mangumusta at tinanong pa yung details sa wedding. Kinabahan ako then just last week, meron ako nareceive na anonymous message on a number I dont know.

"Hindi pa ako nagkakaroon mag 1 month delayed na ako"

Bumalik lahat ng takot ko feeling ko siya yun wala naman iba, Im not sure kung prank lang to or totoo. Sinubukan ko tawagan yung number cannot be reached na pati yung number ni girl wala na rin, blocked na din ako sa FB.

Past couple of days, hindi na ako makafocus sa work laging tulala sa mga iniisip.
Kabado baka isang segundo lang meron ng dadating samin na problema. Nababaliw na ako.
Wala akong masabihan kasi lahat ng kaibigan ko kilala na yung wife ko gusto siya ng family ko.
Ok naman kami masaya, mahal ko siya. mahal na mahal hindi ko kayang masira kami.

Last night naiyak ako sa wife ko kitang kita niya yung pinagdadaanan ko, tinatanong niya kung ano daw yun pwede ko naman sabihin sa kanya kaso hindi ko masabi, kasi ikasisira namin yun. naramdaman narin niya kaso hindi naman niya masabi.

Awang awa na ako sa sarili ko yung mga desisyon na ginawa ko, Tapos paano kung totoo nga na may baby kami ni girl? pupunta siya sa kasal at ipapakita niya sa lahat para makaganti?
Or if hindi naman sa wife ko lang or sa family? paano ang work ko kapag nalaman na?

Kung mag stay quiet man siya? deep inside alam kong napakalaki ng magiging pagkukulang ko meron ako anak na hindi ko pwedeng makita. Paano yung mommy niya ako na mismo ang nagpahirap?

Isa lang ang naiisip kong mangyayari kapag lumabas na at nalaman ng iba, mawawala ang asawa ko at anak ko sakin ganun din kung meron kaming anak ni girl.

Sorry gusto ko lang mag vent out wala akong masabihan, alam kasi nila maayos ako pero ang totoo ang dami kong problema at issue.

Tatanggapin ko po ang mga sasabihin niyo kahit masamang salita.




UPDATE:

Thanks po sa mga nag post and nag give ng advise hindi pa ako makapag reply or makapag PM.

[x-y]

Face the consequences of your actions. Consult your parents first or closest friends. Make sure na totoo talaga yun sinasabi ng girl kase nga I know a few girls who used "being pregnant" as a threat sa isang falling relationship.. Ayun pala, false alarm. Motive lang to get the guy para hindi hiwalayan. Some girls tend to be psycho talaga. Siguraduhin mo muna lahat lahat bago ka magdecide kung ano dapat gawin. Pero for once, maging honest and loyal and faithful ka na sa wife mo. She doesn't deserve what you did.

[ReservoirDogs]

^

Exactly. Medyo similar yung situation ng friend ko sa situation sa situation ni TS. Yung friend ko yung orig gf, then nagloko si guy. The other woman said she got preggy and nagkamiscarriage DAW. Masyadong masalimuot nangyari sa friend ko but ang ending ayun, nagpakasal si guy at si other girl. Ewan ko kung masaya sila.

Kung buntis din si other girl, naka-dalawa ka na agad ah. :p Anyway, buntis pa rin si wife di ba? Just think lang of the stress that you will cause her when you tell about those stuff her WHILE she's still pregnant.

[justin3]

bro, maniwala ka, LAHAT ng bagay nadadaan sa mabuting usapan.
nagkakaroon lang ng hindi pagkaka-intindihan at nahahantong sa away, gulo at giyera pag mali, magulo, hindi tama, maling tao ang pag/mag DELIVER ng mensahe.

better confess to your wife now. the earlier the better.
ewan kung paano mo isagawa. patawa, pabiro, paluhod-luhod, o paiyak-iyak ala Senator Revilla (ayon, lalong hindi kapani-paniwala tuloy ang looooko)
bahala ka, you know your wife better than we do here.

you may ask someone to mediate. pwede Godparent nyo, a common friend... someone na mataas ang respeto nyong mag-asawa.


mag accumulate ka muna ng 10-20 posts sa ibang thread para makapag-reply ka dito sa topic mo. malamang marami katanungan pa ang ibang sissies dito.

[evilwoman]

Ang babaw ng naiisip ko - hanap ka ng isa or dalawa(depende sa laki ng event nyo) na pwede mo pagsabihan ng problema with matching pakita ng pics ng girl at pakiusapan mo mga friends mo na siguraduhing di makakalapit sa kasal nyo.saka mo na lang problemahin yung kasunod pa. 

[hornboy]

Go to Church, Pray, ask for guidance.  Or confess, much better.

In that way, you will gain strength.  Do you have a Best friend whom you can trust? Confide... to ease the burden.  Once you're ready, try to look for the "Girl" and confirm.  Dont ask directly about the "Pregnancy" thing, just ask leading questions.  If confirmed,  accompany her to a hospital and have a test, (if negative, treat her with a halo-halo; if positive, here's the start of your real problem).  It will take 9months before you can request for a Paternal Test (DNA Test) which is costly. Once positive, dont let her down, that child might be yours.  Just explain to her that you are going to get married and you will support the child from conception to birth, no tricks here, support her with that, since she assured you that she is okay na dalawa sila, but still be careful.

Once you got the assurance, that she will not be on your wedding day, keep your promise to support her pregnancy.  if possible, dont leave any traces that you're with her like receipts under your name, Pictures with her, SMS and Calls made using your postpaid line or anything that connects you with her.  Continue with your life for the whole 9 months and set a separate fund intended for her Hospital Bills and Paternal Test (this should not be divulge with her, this is your only ticket to get out).  After 9 months, do what is necessary, Paternal Test, Pay Bills under her name, not yours. Dont use credit Cards. 

If the Test reads : NEGATIVE
    - Let her know and discuss the consequences (You know what this means)  AND ;
    - BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE FROM HEREON

If the Test reads : POSITIVE
    - No more If's and But's . . .    Confess to your wife and Face the consequences of your actions . . .
 

Note :
- If you are going to confess to your wife, confess first to Parents/Ninong/Ninang/priest/pastor or to someone whom you(and your wife) gives much respect and ask them to be there once you confess to your wife.
- Dont Confess while your wife is pregnant, stress yan.  Kayanin mo na ikaw muna kumuha ng stress sa ginawa mo.
- Finally, Once (if) you're forgiven, be straight na after, be responsible to all things.  If not, then, Accept the consequences.  Try to appeal, just try, try and try . . .



Good Luck Brother!

[immy]

Naipit na rin ako sa situation na kelangan pumili, nagtatago and iwas ng iwas sa problema although I must admit, sobrang malala yung sayo pero there's no other way but to tell the truth. Nakakatakot, nakakakaba.. Oo but you have no choice. Kung ano man mangyari, ipag pray mo nalang because later on everything will fall right into place.  You just have to be ready kasi pwedeng mawala si wife, mawala si girl or mawala sila both (and the baby/babies) sa buhay mo.

[imbisibol_]

tell your wife everything.  let her decide if she wants to stay with you or not.  it doesn't matter if you love her and want to stay with her and want to protect what you have and yada yada yada.  if you were your wife, would you love a hot mess like yourself?  give her the power of choice by letting her know the big picture.

[GMGravity]

If akong wife mo, mas gusto ko malaman ang totoo ng tayo tayo na lang kaysa malaman pa ng buong mundo. Tulad nga ng laging sinasabi ng father ko, "kahit huwag mo na akong bigyan ng pera, huwag mo lang ako bigyan ng kahihiyan." Parang ang hirap lang, ang gulo na nga, lalo mo pang pinagulo. Nakakainis pa sasabihin mo mahal na mahal mong wife mo. If you really love her or the least respect her, hindi mo magagawa iyon sa kaniya. At saka, iyong idea na iinvite mong kabit sa wedding mo, okay ka lang ba? Parang kadiri lang kasi.

SORRY PO -- iyan eh if akong wife mo iyan ang ma-feel ko.

[imalittleteapot]

well, dapat nagagalit ako sayo dahil nanakit ka ng babae pero mas naaawa ako sayo. andaming pwedeng maging problema sa mundo pero yung pagkawala ng peace of mind ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat.

1. sabihin mo sa asawa mo yung totoo. it doesn't matter kung may anak ka nga kay other woman or wala. the best thing about you, may konsensya ka thus, you feel horrible. telling her the truth will make you feel less.

2. talk to a priest or basta head ng religion nyo, they judge fairly. and it also helps talking to someone to lessen your burden.

3. yes, tama yung hinala mo sa sarili mo, men like to chase. so yung challenge na makuha mo yung isang bagay or tao for this instance, satisfies you. they say it's normal but anything in excess is not normal diba?

ayaw na kita sermonan pa dahil hindi mo na yun kailangan. but please tell your wife about it, masakit na malaman ang totoo pero mas masakit kung malalaman pa nya sa ibang paraan.

[silveronfire]

wrongmistake, i think ayusin mo muna sarili mo before you can resolve na ayusin yung issues mo sa wife mo at sa naka affair mo. truth is, while i was reading your post, though i can feel how difficult it is what you're going through, hindi ko magawa to sympathize with you kasi umpisa pa lang alam mo naman na mali yung decision mo. you took advantage of both women. sa trust ng wife mo sayo and sa vulnerability ng ka-affair mo. how could you say na mahal na mahal mo yung wife mo and yet continue sleeping with another girl? you said you stopped na your ties with the ex-gf, pero kelan mo lang ni-stop? kasi if she is saying now na one month na sha delayed, then it hasn't been that long na may nangyari sa inyo di ba? naaawa ako sa wife mo kasi baka nga naman maling-mali yung decision nya na ipagpalit her then fiance para sayo. because anong klaseng buhay ba ibibigay mo sa kanya kung yung simpleng mamahalin mo sha ng tapat na sha lang ay hindi mo nagawa di ba?
please give yourself and your wife a reason na ipagkatiwala ang buhay nya at ng magiging anak nyo sayo. if you prove yourself to her, you will be one lucky man i guess. and we should wish them lots of luck and prayers.
i have nothing to say about your ex-gf because as a woman, alam nya dapat san sha lulugar in the first place. she brought this situation upon herself.
please pray for His guidance so that He may help you work things out and make the best decision for all of you in this bind that you're in.

[wrongmistake]

Salamat po sa lahat ng nagcomment. Ive been thinking day and night whens the right time to tell her.
Pero hindi ko pa kaya, hnd ko pa kayang bigyan siya ng sama ng loob. Hindi ko pa alam yung stress na
Madudulot sa kanya. Baka magkacomplications siya at madamay yung baby namin.

masaya siya sa baby namin nag eexpect na siya to deliver namili na kami ng mga gamit at damit.

I decided na sasabihin ko lang kapag nakalabas na si baby,  ilang months ko pang dadalin to ilang buwan
Pa ako magsisinungaling titingnan siya na punonh puno na ako ng kasalanan.

And si other girl isa ko pang iniisip.

Hindi ko na mahagilap sa work nagresign narin siya, dahil secret yung relationship namin wala nakakaalam
Kahit close friends niya. Ayoko lalong lumala kapag pinagtatanong ko sila at macurious.
Gusto ko maconfront siya para maayos pa at kung totoo ba yung huling sinabi niya sakin.

[wrongmistake]

Ang babaw ng naiisip ko - hanap ka ng isa or dalawa(depende sa laki ng event nyo) na pwede mo pagsabihan ng problema with matching pakita ng pics ng girl at pakiusapan mo mga friends mo na siguraduhing di makakalapit sa kasal nyo.saka mo na lang problemahin yung kasunod pa. 

Naisip ko din po to, kaso panandalian lang na solution, baka bumalik kapag least expected ko na.

[wrongmistake]

Go to Church, Pray, ask for guidance.  Or confess, much better.

In that way, you will gain strength.  Do you have a Best friend whom you can trust? Confide... to ease the burden.  Once you're ready, try to look for the "Girl" and confirm.  Dont ask directly about the "Pregnancy" thing, just ask leading questions.  If confirmed,  accompany her to a hospital and have a test, (if negative, treat her with a halo-halo; if positive, here's the start of your real problem).  It will take 9months before you can request for a Paternal Test (DNA Test) which is costly. Once positive, dont let her down, that child might be yours.  Just explain to her that you are going to get married and you will support the child from conception to birth, no tricks here, support her with that, since she assured you that she is okay na dalawa sila, but still be careful.

Once you got the assurance, that she will not be on your wedding day, keep your promise to support her pregnancy.  if possible, dont leave any traces that you're with her like receipts under your name, Pictures with her, SMS and Calls made using your postpaid line or anything that connects you with her.  Continue with your life for the whole 9 months and set a separate fund intended for her Hospital Bills and Paternal Test (this should not be divulge with her, this is your only ticket to get out).  After 9 months, do what is necessary, Paternal Test, Pay Bills under her name, not yours. Dont use credit Cards. 

If the Test reads : NEGATIVE
    - Let her know and discuss the consequences (You know what this means)  AND ;
    - BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE FROM HEREON

If the Test reads : POSITIVE
    - No more If's and But's . . .    Confess to your wife and Face the consequences of your actions . . .
 

Note :
- If you are going to confess to your wife, confess first to Parents/Ninong/Ninang/priest/pastor or to someone whom you(and your wife) gives much respect and ask them to be there once you confess to your wife.
- Dont Confess while your wife is pregnant, stress yan.  Kayanin mo na ikaw muna kumuha ng stress sa ginawa mo.
- Finally, Once (if) you're forgiven, be straight na after, be responsible to all things.  If not, then, Accept the consequences.  Try to appeal, just try, try and try . . .



Good Luck Brother!

Thanks bro, i really need advise. Magulo na isip ko hnd ko na alam yung mga desisyon na dapat ko gawin. Sa takot gusto ko nalang takbuhan masmadali kasi to. Takpan ko nalang kaso babalik at babalik sakin to. Sigurado masmalala pa ang haharapin ko kung hnd ko masasabi.

Tama ka hnd ko pa pwedeng sabihin ilang buwan pa. Hindi ko na nga alam kung pano araw araw na ako
Namomoroblema, gusto ko na matapos wala naman ako na magawa para baguhin.

Yung paghihintay sa pwedeng mangyari at walang kasiguraduhan ang pinakahirap iexpect at harapin.

[simang]

Please tell your wife before the wedding, this will be way more complicated once may legalities na.

[samsung]

ang guy kapag nakakakita ng mas challenging na babae, parang mas go sila dun. o wells, tapos na lahat lahat, atleast guilty ka sa lahat ng alam mong hindi dapat ginawa. if the current gf will still accept you even after all the things na naganap, the fact is - di pa rin nun malilimutan yung experience na to - not this soon.

I agree, the current gf deserves to know the truth. Bigat din ng damdamin mo kung nakikita mo syang masaya at maganda ang ngiti pero alam mo namang may hindi sya alam. gift mo na din sa sarili mo, baka mas makapag isip ka ng tama kapag nalaman ng current gf mo ang ganap ganap.

[aquacharly]

Please tell your wife before the wedding, this will be way more complicated once may legalities na.

This is the decent thing an indecent man with little integrity should do to redeem himself.

Harsh words? Just fits the harsh consequences you caused. 

"Mahal na mahal" mo your GF?  Really?   Pero kaya mo din mag mahal ng iba pa.
So, best you work on perfecting your Birth Control methods. 

You are exasperating. 



UPDATE:  so, you are civilly married. 
You must tell her soonest.  (Before you dig yourself into a deeper hole trying to mask the truth.
You know, walang secret hindi nabubunyag.  Ang basura, ibaon mo man, sisingaw at sisingaw -- that's what my Lola says.)

I reiterate everything else I posted earlier.

But then, not all is lost.  It is never too late to re-invent yourself into a good husband, father & human being. 

[sugardrop]

Grow some balls then MAN UP.

[annamarie88]

kasal na po sila guys hehe

nako ka wrongmistake, yari ka sakin kung ako yung asawa mo!! grrr hindi ko alam kung ano magagawa ko syo pag sinabi mo yan sakin before or after ako manganak!!

pero kung ano man kalabasan ng mga decisions mo from now on, good luck, pray na sana bigyan ka ng guidance at enlightenment.. at sana pag naayos mo na yan, (hoping na nananakot lang si ex landi mo) wag ka ng uulit.. maawa ka sa pamilya mo.. yan lagi ko sinasabi sa bf ko na kapag magloloko sya pag kasal na kami, maawa sya samin ng mga (future) anak nya.. kasi ang sakit sakit sakit nyan.. hmp

[maiandra]

What I understood in the story is, nagpakasal na sila secretly, but wrongmistake is worried that ex-gf will make bulabog in their official church wedding.

I'm sorry bro, there's no lighter way of saying it - Cowardice is a bigger sin. You're afraid of what people will say. Afraid you'll lose your job. Afraid to lose your wife and baby. Aminado ka naman nagakasala ka. But this time give your wife some respect by letting her know the truth. It's time to be selfless and think of others for a change.