Need advice about SIL

[judysoriano]

Hi Girls!  I just need your opinion.  I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh on my SIL, kasi I'm usually good with judging a persons character.  I'm usually right, and when I sense something about a person, it's usually negative. 

She comes from a poor family, but for some reason, she chose to stop working bf/gf palang sila ng BIL ko.  She was the only one sent to Manila to study, siguro to expose her din to a rich prospective husband.  She was lucky nakilala niya BIL ko.  Aside from her beauty, she has nothing else to offer.  Magaling lang talagang sumipsip, and ang galing niyang pumuri ng tao.  She calls every one who comments in her FB page sexy.  And talagang lampas hanggang langit kung makapag serve sa father in law ko. My father in law has the last say sa lahat ng bagay especially when it comes to money.  To cut the story short, she is living the donya life, she even has a car courtesy of my father in law so she can drive her kid to school, she has rolex, not just 1 but 2, naawa yata sa kanya.  She got to travel din for the first time, pati cruise kasama siya, lahat yun first time niya.

She is now taking up make up lessons narin as her past time.  She is nice to everyone but me.  She talks to me, yes, but it was hush hush during our wedding preps kasi baka ma hurt daw siya na mas simple ng konti wedding nila.  She told my sister too, na sila nalang ni BIL nagbibigay or nagpapaluwag.  I don't get that, and I was hurt kasi come to think of it, every girl deserves her dream wedding, it just depends nalang sa budget ng husband mo. 

Our difference is that I have my own money, and my family is also well off.  I am very independent and I have my own business.  Aside from that, I was a model during my younger years. 

Tinitiis ko nalang talaga presence niya even though I know pinaplastic niya lahat.  I have to also adjust since common courtesy dictates that I have to be civil regardless kung sino kaharap ko. Ayaw ko lang talaga sana siyang makasama siya pag christmas dinners ng family ko mismo, or wedding for that matter.  Kaya kong tiiisin na makita siya pag talagang may dinner or lunch sa family ng husband ko but not with my own family sana, which is weekly.  My dad kasi is so nice and gusto niya invite lahat. 

I'm just wondering, can I prevent her from going to my sister's wedding?  I'm sure she would love to go kasi there will be some celebrities in that wedding, and some high profile guests.  Although my dad invited the family, I'm thinking if puwedeng wag na lang siya pumunta kasi they did not invite din naman my entire family nung christening ng daughter nila. 

[Erie]

I smell jealousy. Frankly speaking, yep. You’re a harsh. Sa kwento mo pa lang, you seem really mad to your SIL, every act she did, you find it very annoying. You even said she’s poor and doesn’t have any talent at all.

Your wrong, you said na sipsip siya? Mind you that’s a talent. She is nice kamo pero plastic? well.. since I don’t know her so I’ll give her a benefit of the doubt.  Maybe Center of attention din siya, pero wag ka na mag alala kasi sabi mo nga Maganda ka din naman. Kung plastic siya, that’s basically came from you but not from others =) Malay mo, just because you hate her so much that’s why you said things like that.

Anyway, bakit ba ang dami mong napupuna sa kanya? Halatang may galit ka sa tao? Kung hindi siya close saiyo ibig sabihin hindi ka approachable o baka naman kasi alam niya at nararamdaman niya na ayaw mo sa kanya kaya siya naiilang, ngayon kung plastikan din naman kayo hindi maganda iyan dahil SIL mo siya, dahil ba poor at maganda at she has nothing else to offer e mamaliitin na natin iyong tao pero nice naman? Kung magaling siya sumipsip edi sumipsip ka din? Kung hindi mo ugaling sumipsip,hindi na niya problema iyan, ikaw na ang may problema. Kung may sama ka ng loob magpakatotoo ka na lang at mag usap kayong dalawa dahil hindi matatapos iyan sis kung hindi kayo mag uusap at magiging lamat na iyan sa inyong dalawa. Sigurado kung may problema ka sa kanya, tiyak may problema din siya saiyo. Hindi lang siya makapag open.. pati ikaw dahil walang nag-i-initiate sa inyong dalawa, kaya hindi matatapos iyan.

I don’t know what exactly happened between you and her, but everything you said is all negative. I can feel your hatred towards her.

I can’t give you a proper advice because I don’t know what’s going on in your mind, maybe you find my post very irritating (maybe lang ha, assuming e lmao!) as you may think that perhaps I’m with her side. Nope, the thing is.. hindi ko kasi marinig ang side niya , hindi lang basta pwedeng ikaw ang pakinggan, dapat fair.

Next, iyong sinasabi mo na nasaktan ka dahil may nasabi siyang offending saiyo regarding sa wedding, that’s it!..maybe iyan ang nakapag pa add kaya nagalit ka sa kanya. Ang masasabi ko lang. Gawin mo kung anong gusto mong gawin sa wedding mo, huwag ka magpaapekto basta basta sa kung anong  sasabihin niya,  kung ako iyon sinabi ko na hindi ko gusto iyong sinabi niya. ikaw naman ang ikakasal at hindi siya. Ikaw at ang hubby mo ang masusunod dapat supporting na lang iyong iba.
Sis. Mag-usap na lang kayo, sabihin mo kung anong nararamdaman mo sa kanya, pero isa lang ang masasabi ko, kung ano man ang lumabas sa bibig mo, malamang masasaktan din ang kapatid mo sa sasabihin mo sa kanya kasi wife niya iyon, kaya hinay hinay din dahil makaapekto din ang relasyon mo sa kapatid mo. Kung mahirap man siya, walang dahilan para matahin mo siya at i-kompara mo sa kanya kung anong meron ka na wala siya dahil wala diyan ang problema nasa inyong dalawa mismo.

Kung ayaw mo makipag usap at lagi ka nagtitiis, hindi na ako magtataka kung next time bigla ka sumabog at magalit sa kanya kaya mabuting ayusin ninyo iyan kesa patagalin mo pa.

Its up to you if you’ll take my post offensive or not, anyhow Im just giving my opinion and harsh man o hindi mas mabuting magpakatotoo kesa naman magsabi ako ng kung ano anong side comment saiyo. Goodluck sa iyo and your SIL.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

the fact that you have everything and she has nothing and you're still insecure with her makes me want to think that you have the problem, not her. i feel that you are a bit matapobre, you measure her character based on her background and you think less of her just because she came from a poor family and she has nothing else to offer but her beauty, at least in your own opinion.

i dont see anything wrong if she tries her best to get close to your biyenan. whatever works to live harmoniously siguro. hindi ka naman nya sinisiraan. i think intimidated sya sa attitude mo towards her kaya hindi sya close sa iyo, dahil nga ang tingin mo sa kanya isang mahirap na probinsyanang gold digger. siguro kung subukan mo muna syang kilalanin bilang sya at huwag mo syang isipan ng masama maybe you'll gain a friend in her and you'll both get along. just my honest opinion.

and why wouldn't you let her attend your sister's wedding? who cares if there will be celebrities and high profile people? what does it have to do with her? i  dont understand where the hate is coming from. but its your sister's wedding anyway so you can do whatever you want.

[girl24]

hi sis, reading pa lang your posts eh iba na dating sa akin then naconfirm when i read the replies of our others sisses here. pare pareho kami ng interpretation - ang nega ng dating. sis, kahit naman ako walang rolex. hindi naman ako mahirap PERO hindi rin ako ganon kayaman para maka afford ng rolex but that doesn't diminish my worth as a person. hindi kamo't hindi kapareho mo na lumaki sa luho eh sipsip na o plastic. hindi ko rin naman maiaalis sayo kung talagang hindi mo siya feel kasi hindi mo kalevel e di sige wag ka makipag plastikan pero wag ka rin bastos na gusto siya ng ibang kapamilya mo pero ayaw mo siya isama kasi ayaw mo sa kanya. issue mo lang yan sis sa kanya, wag mo idamay family mo.

2014 na. magpaka positive na tayo! peace! sorry kung naoffend kita.

[nettai]

Mga sisses, ang hirap mag-judge kasi probably nga nice lang si SIL sa iba pwera sa kanya -- or jealous nga lang si TS kay SIL kasi biglang banat sa first paragraph ng kwento nya, "she comes from a poor family", may konting air ng pagiging matapobre dun (sorry). May sinabi din kasi si TS na nakilatis na nya si SIL and there's something wrong with her... Or baka may kulo lang sa dugo si SIL kay TS or vice versa for no reason (her sole existence could just be a pet peeve, kung mali term ko please correct me). Who knows?

Medyo inconclusive yung story.

-----------

Pero sis judysoriano; just show some courtesy na lang -- let her be in the wedding. She was invited after all. If you can't bear her presence just try avoiding her na lang -- socialize with other people, be an emcee, etc.

Sorry to say rin that I find it very offensive on how you compared yourself (na well-off, dating model etc etc) to her (na mahirap, dinala sa Manila para makakilala ng mayamang asawa etc etc etc) though. You should know to yourself that not all children are born equal and as fortunate as you -- there's this bitter reality in which a lot of people dismiss; that even if you have the skills to be rich and you're working hard nonstop, if you don't have or can't make any proper connections there's only a small probability that you can succeed and prosper.

[gracita13]

sis base sa kwento mu wala naman syang ginagawa against sayo pero bakit parang irita ka sa presence nya.tama sinabe ng sissies dito na jelousy yan.porket galing sya sa mahirap na pamilya at ngayon ok na sya,iniisip mu din bang gold digger sya? sissy dont judge her hindi mu alam kung anong buhay meron sya.dont you just be happy for her sa lahat ng nangyayareng maganda sakanya?
as you said galing ka sa well off fam,hindi kaya intimidating ang dating mu sakanya? kasi ako sis ha hindi kame mayaman kapag may makikilala akong alam kong may kaya sa buhay mejo nahihiya ako pakikiramdaman ko muna sya kung hindi sya matapobre saka ko sya kakausapin,mafi-feel ko naman yun kung gusto nya ko kausap or hindi diba.baka ganun din nararamdaman ng SIL mu towards you? try mu makipag usap sakanya,wag mong ipa feel na kailangan syang mailang sayo.sa tingin ko wala naman kayong dapat maging prob,sis wag mong gawing komplikado ang relasyon nyo goodluck!

[justin3]

TS, limang GT sisters mo na ang tumugon sa iyong kinasasadlakang problema. lahat pare-pareho nagbigay ng makabuluhang opinyon at reaksyon.

makinig ka sa kanila. wag nang mangatwiran at wag mo nang ipilit ang kagustuhan mo at baka mapilitan rin ako bumigay ng payo... sige ka, masasaktan ka.

LET PEACE BEGIN WITH YOU.

[sugardrop]

Hi Girls!  I just need your opinion.  I'm not sure if I'm being too harsh on my SIL, kasi I'm usually good with judging a persons character.  I'm usually right, and when I sense something about a person, it's usually negative. 

She comes from a poor family, but for some reason, she chose to stop working bf/gf palang sila ng BIL ko.  She was the only one sent to Manila to study, siguro to expose her din to a rich prospective husband.  She was lucky nakilala niya BIL ko.  Aside from her beauty, she has nothing else to offer.  Magaling lang talagang sumipsip, and ang galing niyang pumuri ng tao.  She calls every one who comments in her FB page sexy.  And talagang lampas hanggang langit kung makapag serve sa father in law ko. My father in law has the last say sa lahat ng bagay especially when it comes to money.  To cut the story short, she is living the donya life, she even has a car courtesy of my father in law so she can drive her kid to school, she has rolex, not just 1 but 2, naawa yata sa kanya.  She got to travel din for the first time, pati cruise kasama siya, lahat yun first time niya.

She is now taking up make up lessons narin as her past time.  She is nice to everyone but me.  She talks to me, yes, but it was hush hush during our wedding preps kasi baka ma hurt daw siya na mas simple ng konti wedding nila.  She told my sister too, na sila nalang ni BIL nagbibigay or nagpapaluwag.  I don't get that, and I was hurt kasi come to think of it, every girl deserves her dream wedding, it just depends nalang sa budget ng husband mo. 

Our difference is that I have my own money, and my family is also well off.  I am very independent and I have my own business.  Aside from that, I was a model during my younger years. 

Tinitiis ko nalang talaga presence niya even though I know pinaplastic niya lahat.  I have to also adjust since common courtesy dictates that I have to be civil regardless kung sino kaharap ko. Ayaw ko lang talaga sana siyang makasama siya pag christmas dinners ng family ko mismo, or wedding for that matter.  Kaya kong tiiisin na makita siya pag talagang may dinner or lunch sa family ng husband ko but not with my own family sana, which is weekly.  My dad kasi is so nice and gusto niya invite lahat. 

I'm just wondering, can I prevent her from going to my sister's wedding?  I'm sure she would love to go kasi there will be some celebrities in that wedding, and some high profile guests.  Although my dad invited the family, I'm thinking if puwedeng wag na lang siya pumunta kasi they did not invite din naman my entire family nung christening ng daughter nila. 

She's already part of the family, kahit galing sa hirap and nagka-rolex and kotse na. Just suck it up and be civil. If you can't, ignore. Ikaw din ang talo because you're affected this much.

[aquacharly]

Suck it up.

IMO (but what do I know, really?):
                  You  just feel threatened. You dislike someone getting their own spotlight.
                  It isn't suerte to berate other's self-improvement drive.  Help them get ahead, it's good karma for you.
                  Belittling others' origins does not speak well of your character (unless we are talking of kab1tches, hahaha).  What matters is where they are now & how they got there;  & where they're headed to & how they're going about it. (Kung corruption ang family business --  yan! by all means, look down on them).
                 

Still, if you just can't help yourself from viewing her as your Enemy .... Well, di ba sabi:  Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.   So there, gawin mong BFF.

[sarah29]

I agree with the other sis's here. I think you're just jealous. Unang una, yung sinabi mo na she came from a poor family and that she stopped working BF/GF palang sila ng BIL mo.. sa totoo lang, why should that bother you? Anong connect sayo nun? Unless ikaw nagpapakain sa kanya, then you really don't have a say sa issue na yun.

Second, porke ba galing probinsya at pinagaral sa Manila, e para na agad maexpose sa rich men? Wow. I'm sorry, pero napaka matapobre ng assumption mo. I'm a Manila girl, and I now live in California. Madaming tao dito na galing probinsya, at pinagaral lang din sila sa Manila.. hinde dahil para "maexpose" sa mga rich men, pero para makakuha sila ng better education. And usually naman sa poor families, ang magaganda usually lagi ang priority ng parents, kaya siguro sya lang ang napadala sa Manila.

Third e ano kung lampas langit sya mag serve sa father in law mo? Is that a bad thing? It takes a genuine caring person to do that. Ang pag-paplastic at sipsip usually done by words and gifts.. pero kung may actions na, baka naman genuine act na yun. And I really don't understand why it bothers you na sipsip sya sa in-law's mo.. I mean normal lang naman sa tao na to act nice at makisama lalo na pag father and mother in law.

Fourth.. baket pati amount ng rolex sya alam mo? And I don't know why it bothers you that she was given a car? And yung "lahat yun first time nya" na comment, I'm just wondering why did you have to include that? Does it make you better person than her kase ikaw ilan beses mo na narasanan yun? Does it affect her character AT ALL kung first time na nya lang narasanan yun?

And I agree with others, baka nga ilang lang din sya sayo kase obvious yung animosity mo sa kanya. I know I would feel the same way kung halata kong inis saken ang tao. At pano mo naman din nalaman na plastic sya lahat? Porke't nice sya e plastic na agad?

Honestly when you said na you used to model during my younger years.. then what makes you different than her then? Did it require you talent to become a model? Aside from a pretty face, what else does that job require of you? Ano ba puhunan mo dun?

I'm sorry sis. Pero sobrang matapobre ng post mo. Wala kang binanggit na masama sa character nya. All you did was dissect her life, and compare yourself to her. Sorry sis, but your post screams nothing but jealousy. I think ikaw yung may problema, and you really need to evaluate yourself.

Hinde tayo higit sa iba porke lumaki tayo sa mayaman na pamilya.

[ikaela]

OMG at this thread. Sobrang manliliit ako if I were the thread starter. Everyone's unanimous advice is a very bitter pill to swallow, but must be swallowed nonetheless. This thread is also proof why I've stuck with GT for so long -- 'pag dating sa totohanan, totoong-totoo talaga!

[genericme]

I think one sees the other as competition. Sometimes that happens between in-laws lalo na kung may insecurities. If she's not disrespectful to you or the family, then let her be. Whether she comes from a poor or wealthy family has no bearing on her character. Besides, there is nothing wrong with enjoying material comforts kung wala naman siyang ginagawang masama. If I understand correctly, your husbands are brothers so pareho lang ang status ninyo sa family. That's reason enough for you to try to be more accepting and respectful of each other. Why not try to overcome your negative feelings and give yourself a chance to get to know her better? Who knows...you might actually get along.

[sistah!]

it happens naman talaga, you meet someone you absolutely despise for no reason. im sure you really think your sister in law has done many things to merit your dislike of her, but really it's not her fault that she has been given a car, 2 Rolex watches, invited to family trips and complimented by many people. she might actually be sipsip but whatever she's doing obviously works to her advantage. Certainly, pointing out that she comes from a poor family didn't help your case.

Point is, you can TRY not to spend your energy watching her every move and pointing out every flaw you find in her. you can try to befriend her. maybe you'll end up liking her. or you can ignore her. live and let live. if your families are as big as it seems, im sure you can find someone to hang out with and talk to without ever actually interacting with her. my sister in law and I don't get along and I swear, we have not exchanged 2 words to each other in a long time. whatever works right?

anyway, sorry to also say this, but it's not your wedding. and she's already been invited so it's really not your place to un-invite her. suck it up. it's only for a day. focus on your sister na lang

[babykat]

Before you start expounding on all the things you hate about your SIL, take a good honest look at yourself first.  Why do you dislike her so much? 

It seems from your description of her that you look down on your SIL but at the same time, you feel jealous of her.  There seems to be some sort of perceived competition between you, and your comments about her indicate that you feel you're better than her simply because she was born poor and you weren't.

So what if she came from a poor family and was the only one sent to Manila to study?  Is it a crime for a poor family to strive to give their kid a good education?  And what's with the attitude that they sent her to Manila to expose her to prospective rich husbands?  Do you even know her family?

You know her so well for you to say she has nothing to offer but her beauty?  And yet, you just had to mention that you used to be a model.

And so what if they gave her a car, rolex and took her on a cruise?  Why do you readily assume that it's because naawa sa kanya? 

And why do you assume her niceness to your in-laws as kaplastikan or pagsipsip?  Hasn't it ever crossed your mind na marunong lang siyang makisama?

The sad thing about this is, affected ka.  Pati pagpunta nya sa wedding ng sister mo, pinoproblema mo.  Get rid of your biases against her so you can have peace of mind.  Look at yourself honestly and why you feel that way?  You might just get to know yourself better.

[manhattanite]

TS, don't mind her na lang.  That's what I eventually did after several years of getting annoyed with my SIL.  Hindi same situation natin in terms of characteristics of our SILs, pero na-realize ko towards the end na bat ako magpapa-stress sa kanya?  Ganon ba sha ka-importante sa buhay ko na lahat ng kilos nya affected ako?  Hell no!  Nakatira pa kasi kami ni hubby sa family home nila nun kaya I couldn't escape her antics, pero nung last year namin dun, ayun, that's when I heeded hubby's advice to just ignore her and mas naging bearable na after that.  Now when we get together with his family, hindi na ko nabobother sa SIL ko at all.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

Sorry sis but you  sound so jealous and bitter , maybe try mu din maglambing sa father in law mu and be nicer to them na lang. Baka naman may good qualities talaga sya na di mo lang nakikita since you see her as a threat and inis ka sa kanya kaya kahit anung gawin it just adds up to what you feel.

[katrinac]

sis, hindi kaya inggit yang nararamdaman mo against your SIL? kasi based sa explanation mo, parang inis na inis ka lalo na't yung family ng husband mo eh parang love na love sya? And dahil dun, nafi feel mo na baka mas gusto yung SIL mo kaysa sayo, and maagawan ka ng lime light? Yun lang tingin ko nagiging dahilan kung bakit ayaw mo sa kanya. Try to like her, mukhang she's nice naman. besides hindi naman magiging nice ang family ng husband mo sa kanya, kung sya mismo eh hindi mabait. and isa pa, paano mo naman nasabi na pinaplastic lang nya lahat? di kaya parang ang labas mo nyan eh nang aapi dahil sa mga bagay na napupuna mo sa kanya?

[erza0916]

What every one said. Suck it up. If you're jealous, gayahin mo. If you're bothered because she's from a poor family and she doesn't belong in your crowd, bad news, you're matapobre. Bawasan kakanood ng teledramas. Take care

[j.adore]

judging a persons character.  I'm usually right, and when I sense something about a person, it's usually negative. 

This may be the root cause. You judge people.
Also, you're very different from each other in terms of background, wealth, and career.

As much as I'd like to help you, the story is not complete. It doesn't specify how she's not nice to you or what happened that lead to this "rift".

[jojo2978]

Hindi lang siguro na express ng TS yung point niya. Perhaps to other people other than her, SIL presented herself well. And at the back of TS's mind, plastic itong SIL ko kasi sa akin kung [textspeak!] ano ang sinasabi niya pero pag kaharap ang iba, akala mo ang bait bait.