he who love me less

[narz83]

ive been with a relationship with the man i trully love for more than 2 years now. But our relationship isnt perfect,wala naman talagang perfect but its more on painful than happy lalo na these days.alam ko naman from the very start na ako ang mas nagmamahal kaysa sa mahal nya ako.pero im getting tired na but i cant stop.how many times i attempted to leave or break up with him but ako pa rin yong bumabalik, ang ta**a ko.the relationship isnt healthy,i know but i cant end it just like that. Hinihintay kong mapagod ako but it seems that di ako dumadating sa point na yon.he dont love me enough.ako na lahat nag eeffort,nagbibigay.ako ang lahat ng nag iinitiate,flowers,dine out.parang ako na ang lalaki sa tandem namin.if not for me this wont work or last this long.pakiramdam ko tinutorture ko sarili ko pero di ako makaalismy self value is already an inch away to the ground.i feel trapped.i love him so much,cant let go.

[KrabbyPatty!]

Wow sis sobrang tatag mo. Sobrang strong ka magmahal... pero alam mo yung pinakaimportante kong natutunan sa love (kahit 20yrs old lang ako hehe) ay mas okay pag mas mahal ka ng guy. Know your worth sis. Wag mong hayaan na dumating sa point na mapagod ka magmahal. Kasi marami pang iba jan na mas deserving. I know di mo pa kayang tanggapin yan sa ngayon kasi kayo pa rin eh. Di ka maka-let go. Pero you deserve someone who loves you more. Imposibleng walang lalaki na better para sayo kasi binigyan ka ni God ng ability na magmahal ng ganyan ka-strong. Yung ibang babae nga jan hindi makapag-commit eh! Tapos ikaw sobra sobra pa

Basta sis kaya mo yan. Alam mong kaya mo yan. Wag ka matakot bumitaw kung kailangan na. Strong ka eh!!

[romantico]

Do you mean to say he's not like that before? I'm assuming he's not like that before otherwise hindi kayo tumagal ng two years. If so, did you talk to him about your concerns? Try to stop yourself from breaking up with him tapos babalikan mo because he might not treat you seriously. I would suggest to keep your cool and find a day when both of you are free to talk at pareho kayong hindi mainit ang ulo that day. Tell him your concerns and ask him to be honest with you kung bakit siya nagkakaganon. Try to convince him to speak up without resorting to being irritating or being makulit before talking about alternatives or breakups. Two years is something in a relationship so sayang naman kung hahayaan lang ng ganon. Gawin niyo muna both ang lahat ng options to save the relationship and not thinking of breaking it. As I see, kaya ka bumabalik from each break up you initiate ay dahil UMAASA ka pa rin that he'll come around so instead of hoping, try to have a heart to heart talk.

[aquacharly]

If you "truly love" as you say --  hindi ka magbibilang.   
BUT if you sense/see/think that the loving is 1-sided, maninimbang ka nga.

When you love someone, you are happy to share your time & worldly possessions with him.  Why take away your joy in sharing because of gender labels?  Como sya yung guy -- he has to give more???  He has to be the 1 to start it all. To think it all??? 
What if you are the one in the position to give more?  Doesn't he give back love to you in other ways? 
BUT if you sense/see/think that he is being user-friendly, or that your generosity is being exploited --  eh,  maging  macuenta ka na.

He doesn't love you "enough"?   How do you measure "enough"?
Kasi you think ikaw lang nag "initiate, nagbibigay, nag eefort" ika mo?  Ng ano? Ng mga romantic events?  Some guys just don't get the importance of intimate dinners, secret getaways, sweet nothings. Iba ang language of love nila.

BUT if, as you suspect, IF you do as he does & give  as he gives -- eh Boink!  As in dead na your relationship --  why wait until your heart gets pagod?  You should run away! from this toxic relationship.  Uubusin nya lang your wealth, health, goodwill, youth, energy, everything! 

Read the book Languages of Love.
Baka you get an epiphany after reading the book. Boink! This is how he shows love for me pala. Or, Boink! Ginagawa lang akong sugar mommy.

Take a long hard look at what he really is. 
Take a long hard look at what you really want out of this relationship. 
What you put into a relationship -- will never be equal.
BUT you must both equally get some of what you want out of the relationship.

Think this out too:    "We cannot force those we love to love us the way we want to be loved."

Use both your heart & head.
I don't believe what others say, that you cannot use both sabay.
You can use both sabay, but you must look at the truth &  admit to what you want out of the relationship.

Hwag  ka din ma fixate sa equation na:  The one who loves more is the one who gives more.  It does not always hold true.  Sometimes, the  one who gives more is the one who loves less --  kasi the giving is part of the power play.

Sometimes too,  the one who gives more is content with just getting a little love. 

Look at yourself truthfully.  The Truth  will set you free.

[iheartkulot]

How do you measure love?

Paano mo nasabing he doesn't love you enough? If pineperahan ka lang, get out of the relationship. Kung sugar mommy ang role mo o kaya naman deliberately nambabae, then get out.

What I learned about love...magkaiba ang belief system ng babae at lalaki. Never compare your man sa iba. I have a guy office mate who recently got married. Nagkwento lang siya sa akin na may meet with friends of the wife dinner siya. Dahil for five years na in a relationship sila, kanya-kanya sila ng lakad. Nung bf-gf pa lang sila, kanya-kanya silang set of friends. Never daw siya sumama sa lakad ni wife nung gf pa lang niya yun. Then I asked him why---dun daw siya kumportable. Separate daw sila ng buhay. Di naman daw porke't gf-bf sila, dapat makilala na ang circle of friends. Pero ngayon na kasal na sila, pumapayag na siya syempre.

Magkakaiba tayo ng expression of love. Pag-isipan mo rin mabuti baka napre-pressure ka lang sa nakasanayan ng society.

Goodluck and God Bless sis

[redhead69]

I actually experienced this kind of set up just few months ago. Pero baliktad naman. My boyfriend is the one who love me so much before. Siya super nag eeffort,gifts, treat for dinner, iniintindi mood swings ko na kahit sobra sobra na di naman dapat ako nagagalit iniintindi niya. Well that time naman kahit papaano nageeffort ako for my bf, pero not too much. Kasi before him yung nakarelasyon (ex  ko for 1 year and 8 months) ko baliktad ako maeffort ako nanlilibre ako umiintindi until parang naging sugar mommy ako before na every date namin ako gumagastos. Kaya natrauma ako noon at ganito nangyari samin ng bf ko now na i didnt show him before how much i really love him tipong pigil. Ako nakikipagbreak palagi kay bf na onting gawin niya lang mali nakikipagbreak ako siya humahabol and stuff. Nasanay ako sa ganon. Na palagi ako sinusuyo, kasi yun ang di ko naexperience sa ex ko. Yung sinusuyo. Until one day parang medyo gaya sa situation mo nahihirapan na siya sa set up namin. Nakipagbreak siya. Nakipagbreak daw siya para hanapin sarili and etc. di daw sa di niya ko mahal pero napagod rin kasi siya. Ako Silent feelings tinanggap ko. Nagbreak kami. Umiyak ako umiyak, uminom. pero i never beg na bumalik siya. Since alam ko pa password niya sa fb, Nakita ko na tntry niya na makipagflirt sa ibang girls. Sobra akong nahurt lalo non. Narealize ko yung nawala sa akin. Yung lalaking umiintindi sa akin, minamahal ako ng sobra, inaalagaan ako. So what happened dahil matigas ako. Tinry ko mag move on. So kinausap ako ng ex ko (yung ginagawa akong sugar mommy) and tntry makipagbalikan sa akin. Parang napansin niya yon and nagworry siya and kinakausap ako ng bf na gusto niya na maging kami ulit. Pero mapride ako e. That time kasi hurt ako na lalaki nakipagbreak sa akin. So di ako nakipagbalikan kay bf. what i did was tnry ko idate tong si ex and nagbago naman siya regarding sa financial problem namin way back siya na gumagastos eeffort and stuff. Pero in my mind mahal ko pa talaga si bf. Di ko maitatang i yon. So nagopen ako kay ex and sinabi ko na mahal ko pa si bf. and ako ang gumawa ng way para magkabalikan kami. I wrote a letter about my hidden/silent feelings for my bf kung gaano ko katalaga siya mahal. kung gaano ako kapigil mahalin siya. and he understands. So now we r starting a new chapter again. Yung lahat okay na. Walang mas dominant. Yung open sa problems. Yung mas pinapakita na mahal namin isat isa di lang yung isang tao nagpapakita na mahal niya partner niya. What ive realized sa situation na to is di dapat hinahayaan na torture-in ang partners natin. Na wala naman mali if ipakita mo mahal mo isang tao as long as alam mong tama. Kaya mo yan sis ang maaadvice ko lang is do whatever you want pag napagod ka let it be wag mo pa ipush sarili mo kasi masasaktan ka lang. once na nalaman niyang napagod ka im sure he will do his best to get you back.  parang pinasagasa niya ulo niya sa 10 wheeler truck pag nalaman niyang wala ka na sa kanya matatauhan rin siya sis! Tiwala lang!

[narz83]

guys,we already talk about this.. i can't say na piniperahan nya lang ako kasi hindi naman sya nanghihingi eh,hindi lang talaga sya generous sa time, sa effort, sa kung ano ang meron sya. lagi na nga nya naririnig sakin ang words na "ang damot damot mo naman kahit 5 mins lang eh..di mo ba ako namimiss???"
pakiramdam ko nga,ako lang yong mapilit eh. yes,it's one sided sis aquacharly even from the very start. but since mahal ko naman talaga, i stayed hopeful na sana we will be like normal couples around. pero hindi eh.. halos lahat ako ang nag iinitiate. dati ok lang sakin kasi payag naman sya ng payag lang although may mga compromises pero ako talaga yong nag aadjust depende sa kanya. ako lagi ang naghahanap ng paraan. but lately, parang nakakaramdam na ako ng pagod, i even came to ask my self if kaya ko pa ba? minsan after 2 weeks of not seeing each other kasi busy daw sya sa work, nakiusap pa ako na mag extend pa sya ng kahit 15 mins kasi halos 30 mins lang sya nagstay sa place ko pero ayaw nya. he has no plan for christmas kahit dine out, sabi marami daw sya projects na tatapusin. wala naman syang iba, its just that parang di lang ako ganun kahalaga sa kanya while ako sobrang kandarapa. hahay! (alam naman nya yon!)
di ko na alam ano pa ang pwede kong gawin,nagawa ko na yata lahat. sobra na pag iintindi ko.kung di nya ako matawagan, kahit sobra na akong nag aalala, ano pa man ang explanation nya, tanggap ko kagad.detach sya sakin lalo na lately na napapagod na akong mag effort. huhu
feeling ko tuloy ang pangit ko, kahit madami naman nagkakagusto sakin

[aquacharly]

NARZ83 -- do NOT go there -- where you will question your worth.  Just because he does not respond to your loving overtures as much eh --  ikaw ang may kakulangan?!  Kurutin kaya kita? . 

Why don't you change your tactics? Imbes na you initiate, plan & execute what YOU want, eh ask him what he wants to do.  What are HIS preferred activities?

Another thing:
I don't mean to rock your boat, Sis, but 1 early warning of infidelity is  TIME.  Kung dati, he had time at now he hardly has time for you -- do not be so confident walang iba.   On the days he says he is working... Go drop by his place of work & see if he is really there.   

[narz83]

sis aquacharly, ginawa ko na yan, ang biglain sya sa bahay at sa work nya, wala naman akong nahanap. ang masasabi ko lang talaga, napakakampante nya dahil alam nyang mahal na mahal ko sya. at alam ko na di ako ganun kahalaga sa kanya, kaya nya kasi akong tiisin kahit noon pa man, matatawa lang yon sakin kasi pag tiniis ko sya, ako lang din ang bibigay
sana 1 day, makaya ko na din na umalis na sa relasyon namin, pagod na kasi ako at di na rin ako masaya. ako nalang yong gumagawa talaga (i mean kahit dati pa) para magwork yong relasyon. feeling ko din, pagod na din sya. we had a conversation once kaya nasabi ko yon..
Me: di mo ba naiisip na baka mapagod ako?
Him: alam ko naman na di ka mapapagod eh.. ikaw ba, naisip mo na baka ako ang pagod?
Me: ano naman ikakapagod mo?di ka nga nag eeffort eh..
(tumawa lang sya) then sabi mahal naman daw nya ako, wag na daw ako laging mag isip.

[iheartkulot]

Wag mo iisipin may kulang ka sis ah?

Pray. Have you tried reading about law of attraction? positive thinking ganyan? Kung kaya mo, try not to focus sa negative. If may gagawin ka para kay bf, wag mo isipin na effort or whatsoever. Just LOVE Mahirap pero Love without any expectations. Para siguro mapagaan muna nararamdaman mo ngayon.

Hugs. And kung pagod ka na talaga. Hinga ka muna. Pahinga ka muna.

Pray for discernment. You take care of yourself din ha? Madalas kasi kapag sobra tayong nag-iisip at nalulungkot, number one na nakakalimutan natin ay alagaan ang sarili natin.

Be blessed! Ngiti lang sis

[budzwhiz]

Or have you tried reading Why Men Love Bitches? Marami kang matututunan don. Masyado kasi naka-centro ang attention mo sa kanya. Mukang sa kanya umiikot ang mundo mo. Maghanap ka ng ibang mapagkakaabalahan, magpaka-busy ka. Don't let your world revolve around him. Tignan mo kapag hindi mo na binibigay lahat ng atensyon mo sa kanya, mapapansin nya yun. At malay mo sya naman ang gumawa ng paraan para magkasama kayo. Hindi nya lang narerealize ngayon kung anong meron sa kanya, pero kapag nakita nya nang malapit na mawala sa kanya yon, maiisip din nya kung gano ka kahalaga.

The most important thing sis, is genuine ka sa nararamdaman at pinapakita mo. Kung nararamdaman mong kaya pa, e di go. Kung hindi na talaga, e no point in staying. Basta alam mong ginawa mo lahat wala kang pagsisisihan sa huli.

[lesters_gal]

ive been with a relationship with the man i trully love for more than 2 years now. But our relationship isnt perfect,wala naman talagang perfect but its more on painful than happy lalo na these days.alam ko naman from the very start na ako ang mas nagmamahal kaysa sa mahal nya ako.pero im getting tired na but i cant stop.how many times i attempted to leave or break up with him but ako pa rin yong bumabalik, ang ta**a ko.the relationship isnt healthy,i know but i cant end it just like that. Hinihintay kong mapagod ako but it seems that di ako dumadating sa point na yon.he dont love me enough.ako na lahat nag eeffort,nagbibigay.ako ang lahat ng nag iinitiate,flowers,dine out.parang ako na ang lalaki sa tandem namin.if not for me this wont work or last this long.pakiramdam ko tinutorture ko sarili ko pero di ako makaalismy self value is already an inch away to the ground.i feel trapped.i love him so much,cant let go.

 sis same tayo ng situation ang pagkaka iba lang is couple kayo, kami hindi.dating lang kami for 7 months, ang problema namen is hindi sha inlove sa akin at never pa daw sha na inlove kahit kaninong babae.... 

ako din sis ganyan ako lahat ang gumagawa ng effort, dinners, buying expensive gifts for him... i tried also many times na tapusin na kung anong meron kami  dahil nahihirapan na ako at nasasaktan na, but still in the end ako parin ang bumabalik sa kanya,... i dont know also kung kelan ako mapapagod... ang alam ko kasi mahal ko sha and its enough for me to go on despite of all.....kahit na alam ko na hindi ko na deserve ang ganitong set up...

[andi16]

give him a little space sis malay pag medyo nag lie low ka sa atensyon at effort mo sa kanya eh mamiss ka niya...try to give a little more time for yourself muna nakakalow ng self esteem kasi yung pag iisip you palagi na one sided yung relationship nyo...

[Girltalker2]

pakiramdam ko nga,ako lang yong mapilit eh. yes,it's one sided sis aquacharly even from the very start. but since mahal ko naman talaga, i stayed hopeful na sana we will be like normal couples around. pero hindi eh.. halos lahat ako ang nag iinitiate. dati ok lang sakin kasi payag naman sya ng payag lang although may mga compromises pero ako talaga yong nag aadjust depende sa kanya. ako lagi ang naghahanap ng paraan.

Sis, what I don't understand is paano naging kayo?  Nag usap ba kayo na kayo na?  Sabi lang nya kahit ano? 

He does not seem to act like a BF or a guy na may gusto sayo. Sa ano ang tawag mo sa relationship ninyo. A relationship is 2 sided.  So lumalabas ikaw ang naghahabol, sya parang ok ok lang kung andyan ka o wala?  Ganun ba?

This is hell for me, at least the way you have described it. Bakit mo gugustuhin ang ganyang buhay, kung puede ka naman maging masaya.  Pero in the first place, masaya ka ba? Were you ever happy with him?  Or masaya ka lang sa idea na may BF ka? 

sis same tayo ng situation ang pagkaka iba lang is couple kayo, kami hindi.dating lang kami for 7 months, ang problema namen is hindi sha inlove sa akin at never pa daw sha na inlove kahit kaninong babae.... 

Then move on. There's no issue naman.

ako din sis ganyan ako lahat ang gumagawa ng effort, dinners, buying expensive gifts for him... i tried also many times na tapusin na kung anong meron kami  dahil nahihirapan na ako at nasasaktan na, but still in the end ako parin ang bumabalik sa kanya,... i dont know also kung kelan ako mapapagod... ang alam ko kasi mahal ko sha and its enough for me to go on despite of all.....kahit na alam ko na hindi ko na deserve ang ganitong set up...

Kung nasasaktan ka, siguro you only have yourself to blame. Alam mong wala ka naman kahihinatnan sa kanya. These are all temporary. Eventually, once he finds a girl na magugustuhan nya, iiwan ka rin nya kasi alam naman ninyong dalawa na wala syang gusto sayo.

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan sa guys na ganyan na tanggap ng tanggap ng things from their so-called GF or girl is they are still encouraging girls to adore them or pinapaasa pa kayo para magmukha kayong t****.  Bakit hindi nila masabi lang straight na wala talaga, and be gentleman enough and CARING enough sa kapwa nila na hindi tanggapin ang mga panunuyo ninyo nang hindi na kayo umasa. 

The problem is when you do things for them, they accept. Kayo naman happy happy akala ninyo they will change at bibigyan kayo ng chance.  Happy naman kayo kung magtake advantage sila or kumagat sa mga offerings ninyo, feeling ninyo "kayo" na. But in reality, for men, basta lumapit ang palay, tutukain kung makakaisa.  Pero kapag hindi sila ang lumapit, di nila type, mahirap ipilit sa mga guys. 

Kung gusto ninyo maging masaya, you know the answer. Leave your miserable life.  Kung gusto ninyo magdusa habang buhay, and say you got an extra ordinary outstanding one-sided love that you are so proud of, then stay. Your life will be hell.

[lesters_gal]

^Very well said sis. Tama lahat ng sinabi mo. Nahihirapan lang talaga ako na humiwalay kahit na alam ko na dead end na talaga kung ano man meron kami...  sana one day i have the courage to finally let go of him

[sugardrop]

Should love even be quantified?

But I agree that if you're no longer happy, leave.

[lonelymiss28]

don't fall in love with a nightmare cause the dream will never end just when you think the dream is over the nightmare starts again.

[tamera_lorraine]

^Very well said sis. Tama lahat ng sinabi mo. Nahihirapan lang talaga ako na humiwalay kahit na alam ko na dead end na talaga kung ano man meron kami...  sana one day i have the courage to finally let go of him

kung hindi ka na masaya bakit mo pa patatagalin?


huwag mong paikutin yung mundo sa kanya..

base sa story mo wala na eh.. mahirap talaga if ikaw lang walang bumabalik na pagmamahal mula sa partner mo TALO ka nian sis..

marami pa jan yung deserving sa pagmamahal  mo.. 

Pero bago ka magmahal ulit after mo siya ilet go.. buin mo muna yung sarili mo... alam ko mhirap pero kaya mo yan

lahat naman ng pagsubok na binibigay satin ni God kaya natin eh..

be strong  kaya mo yan

[lesters_gal]

^Thank you sis sa advice. As of now, we're still together, shunga lang... ewab ko ba kung bakit ang tanga2x ko pagdating sa kanya. Pero ngayon im open with other guys na rin. Hindi na ako mag fofocus sa kanya katulad ng dati.... i know i really deserve someone better na kayang suklian yung pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko, it's just that i don't have the courage now.. i keep praying to god na sana he will give me strenght to finally walk away from him .

[iwannabeasupermodel]

It can also be sis that he shows his love differently, he doesn't express it the way you do. Or he's not really the sweet, prince charming, swept me off my feet type of guy. I havent backread yet and yung unang post mo lang nabasa ko but i think its best you bring this problem to him para maayos niyo and masagot niya point by point.