i feel so much pain...my husband cheated on me

[toydoll]

hi sis girltaker2, thanks for all the insights, big help ka sa mga sisses like me and others na trying to be strong and trying to do the right things,,, sometimes or most of the times, the hardest thing to do is the right thing,,, super hirap..

Anyway, back to my case, it only took years later before I heard God.  All along pala, he has been urging me to leave my marriage. At pumilit ako magstay.  After a decade or so, with the ongoing pain and suffering, that was the only time nagising ako. Message pala ni God is just LEAVE.

sobrang napatitig ako sa monitor ng matagal upon reading the above,,,, sis, HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO EXACTLY CONFIRM during that time na ang message ni GOD is for you to JUST LEAVE? alam mo sis, nag iintay lang ako ng exact situation and sort of sign/alarm na nag co confirm na ang very message ni GOD is to JUST LEAVE,,,, tama sis, masalimuot parang purgatory,,,

ito yung mga factors that made me stay pa:
1) 2 kids
2) my loved ones, lalo na ang parents ko na walang kaalam alam sa mga pinagdadaanan ko right now,, di kasi ako madaingin na tao,, ayoko sila masaktan at mag alala ng dahil lang sakin,,,
3) di ako ready na malaman ng iba, matanong ng kung ano ano, pagchismisan, kaawaaan ng iba, i judge ng iba,,,
4) sarili ko, baka di ko kaya,,,

[toydoll]

Sa mga sisses na naloko, naisip nyo ba or nagduda ba kayo kung talagang minahal kayo ng mga hubbies nyo?

Ang hirap sa pakiramdam talaga noh, sobrang laki ng pagdududa ko now, pakiramdam ko talagang di naman ako mahal ng hubby ko,, di ko alam kung ano reason nya bakit nya ko pinakasalan,,,

[Girltalker2]

sobrang napatitig ako sa monitor ng matagal upon reading the above,,,, sis, HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO EXACTLY CONFIRM during that time na ang message ni GOD is for you to JUST LEAVE? alam mo sis, nag iintay lang ako ng exact situation and sort of sign/alarm na nag co confirm na ang very message ni GOD is to JUST LEAVE,,,, tama sis, masalimuot parang purgatory,,,

Pinilit ko eh. In hindsight, ako lang naman yung stubborn.  Gusto ko lang naman buo ang family at sarado ang utak ko sa ibang possibilities.

Sa kakadasal ko, nagnonovena pako, biniyayaan pa sila ni Lord ng anak. Nagtiis ako.  Kahit araw araw akong umiiyak, puyat, etc.  Pero sa araw, pinipilit ko sarili ko gumawa ng iba ibang mga projects o activities para malibang. But guess what!  God is so good, nagkaron ulit sila ng anak!  Kung di pako natuto or what?!  Sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, that's it.  Tama na yung magpakatanga for some time. Kung di ka pa natuto nyan, ewan ko na.

ito yung mga factors that made me stay pa:
1) 2 kids
2) my loved ones, lalo na ang parents ko na walang kaalam alam sa mga pinagdadaanan ko right now,, di kasi ako madaingin na tao,, ayoko sila masaktan at mag alala ng dahil lang sakin,,,
3) di ako ready na malaman ng iba, matanong ng kung ano ano, pagchismisan, kaawaaan ng iba, i judge ng iba,,,
4) sarili ko, baka di ko kaya,,,

Sis, hindi ko sinasabi na kelangan ka umalis.  You have to think things thoroughly and make sure once you make a decision to leave, there is no turning back.

Your above reasons are exactly what motivated me to leave din. 
1. Kids - ayaw ko lumaki sila nang nakikita how their dad treats women.  Mamaya nyang yung girl na anak ko lumaki na "accepting" lang na loko-lokohin sya, while the boy naman eh mamaya ganun din ang asal. 
I want them to know - It is NOT OK na lokohin ka ng ibang tao, moreso nang taong inaasahan mong aalagaan ka.

2. Yes, loved ones - isa rin iyan.
Your parents did not raise you, igapang ka sa pag-aaaral para lang lokohin ng isang nilalang. It came to a point pa I wanted to end my life.  Eh napaisip ako about my parents.  After all the hardships they encounter just to raise me, mawawala lang ng ganun?  I actually fought and will want to live a HAPPY LIFE because of them and my kids.

3.  Malaman ng iba
At some point, I had nothing to lose na kasi meron at merong nakakakita sa kanila sa labas. Kahit sinabi nya na wala na sila, meron nakakakita.
Since alam narin naman ng iba, pano ko i-undo or let them forget?  I had no choice but to face it.
Kung tumigil na si hubby, then I believe it is good to give him a chance. Pero ang question kung hindi sya tumigil --- it won't prevent others from knowing - whether you are ready or not.

"di ako ready na malaman ng iba"
Kahit hindi ka pa ready, malalaman ng iba kung gawain talaga iyan ni hubby, lalo na kung makakapal ang mga mukha nya at ng kabit.   
 
", matanong ng kung ano ano, pagchismisan, kaawaaan ng iba, i judge ng iba,,, "
Gagawin rin naman nila ito kahit hindi mo sabihin. Basta malaman nila, either way, wala kang choice because they choose to act that way.

4. Di mo kaya
Same thoughts I had when I was trapped in that situation. Pero naisip ko rin na alangan naman forever hanggang mag 80yo ako eh ganyan ang buhay ko.  I was just pushed at a corner where I had to fight back.  Kaya ko nasabi, lahat ng signs na binigay sakin ni Lord is not in my favor to make the marriage work.  And when I walked out, wala talagang regrets.  Kasi nothing can be worse than that situation.  Everything else, mas maaliwalas, mas may peace of mind. Kahit pa single ako habang buhay, mas masaya pako kesa nasa ganung situation.

I thought dati hindi ko kaya.  Pero dyos por santo, umabot sa situation kasi na ang hindi ko kinaya eh yung situation namin.  But then, ayoko nanga ulit magsuicide, so I had to leave.  It is either mamamatay talaga ako sa sama ng loob if I stay, and I do not want to destroy myself, kaya I had to leave.

Dati nga, it also came to a point kapag nakakakita ako ng namamatay na lalaki tapos iyak ng iyak yung wife, parang winiwish ko lang talaga na sana yung ex ko nalang namatay para may silbi naman di ba?  Minsan kasi yung ibang mag-asawa nahihiwalay through death and sobrang kawawa yung wife especially kung maayos naman pagsasama nila.  So parang naisip ko bakit ko ba winiwish mamatay ang isang tao, it is not good di ba?  Eh naman kasi sa sobrang paghihirap ko. Kaya the best solution talaga for me was to leave.

Pero sis, i-evaluate mo mabuti ang situation mo. Hindi naman kasi necessarily pareho ang situation natin.  Sakin kasi iba talaga ang ugali ng ex ko. It was really much much better to leave.  Iweigh mo ang situation mo mabuti, kasi kung kaya mo pa masave ang pagsasama ninyo, why not naman di ba?

Sa mga sisses na naloko, naisip nyo ba or nagduda ba kayo kung talagang minahal kayo ng mga hubbies nyo?

As I have said, minsan iba iba nga ang situation.  Sakin despite all that has happened, masasabi ko na kahit papano, minahal nyako.  But I guess he just loves himself the most.

I am sure nung nanliligaw pa ang asawa mo sayo, he had professed his love at some point. Hindi ka nya papakasalan kung hindi ka nya mahal. In my case, since I am over this na, naihiwalay ko ang dating situation (before kami kinasal) with the situation I was in. 
Through time I was able to accept na nawala yung pagtingin nya sakin.  I was able to accept na hindi na pareho nang dati at hoping ako maibalik yun.  Pero as God gave me signs again and again, na-accept ko rin na never ko na maibabalik yun.  Time to move on, kaya nga may word na move on, there comes a point in life you have to accept defeat to give way to a greater/better future. 

[sk8rboyswife]

Sa mga sisses na naloko, naisip nyo ba or nagduda ba kayo kung talagang minahal kayo ng mga hubbies nyo?

Ang hirap sa pakiramdam talaga noh, sobrang laki ng pagdududa ko now, pakiramdam ko talagang di naman ako mahal ng hubby ko,, di ko alam kung ano reason nya bakit nya ko pinakasalan,,,

sis, naging witness naman ang family and friends ko noon kung pano ko pinaglaban ng hubby ko and that he can't get through a day without me. minahal niya naman ako. ngayon lang niya nagawa to which may lead to what, next time, third time or even nth time? yan kasi naiisip ko ngayon. may pagbawi naman syang nagagawa for now, pero til when?

wala na ko sa focus ngayon. sabi niya focus daw sa family. naiisip ko mahal pa rin nya the b1tc4. ngayong pursigido sya maayos kame parang ako naman ang may kailangan ng space. I need to move pero di ko magawa kase ang dami kong hold backs and fears.

[toydoll]

Sa kakadasal ko, nagnonovena pako, biniyayaan pa sila ni Lord ng anak. Nagtiis ako.  Kahit araw araw akong umiiyak, puyat, etc.  Pero sa araw, pinipilit ko sarili ko gumawa ng iba ibang mga projects o activities para malibang. But guess what!  God is so good, nagkaron ulit sila ng anak!  Kung di pako natuto or what?!  Sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, that's it.  Tama na yung magpakatanga for some time. Kung di ka pa natuto nyan, ewan ko na.

again sis, i was again napatulala... for a moment nag blank ang brains (left and right) and heart ko,,, ----- i don't mean to elaborate sis or bring back those times, pero ok lang ba magtanong, if not,, just don't bother to reply... that's fine,,,

1) the first time that you caught them was when? --- ano reaction ni ex??? were you able to recognize agad kung sino itong kabit nya???

2) what did you do? --- sa ex mo at sa kabit nya??

3) initially, alam ba agad ni kabit na may pamilya si ex?

4) meaning, habang pinagbibigyan mo sila, alam mo na nagpapatuloy pa din sila?

5) dumating ba sa point na di na ito tinatago ni ex at ikaw na ang need mag adjust sa kanila?

6) how many confrontations did you have sa kabit?, if any?

7) nasaan na sila to these days? ok pa ba sila? wala bang karmang dumating sa kanila?

ang sarap nila patayin! hindi na ito tanong!!!! GOSH!!!


grabe talaga, mas ngayon naniniwala na ko na may mga tao pala talagang walang KONSENSYA walang AWA!!!! SAKIM!!! 

NAKAKAGALIT!!! hayyyyy,,,, ang sarap minsan magm_r_ ng malutong!!!

[JINJIN:*]

everytime na bisitahin ko tong thread na to, naalala ko ang madilim kong pinagdaanan sa ex ko.

Tinanong ko din yan...minahal nga ba talaga ako ng asawa ko? or pinakasalan lang niya ako dahil wala lang..or dahil napapnahon...or dahil I am good for him?

Masakit ang pauulit ulit kang saktan...pero nasa saaten yan kung patuloy nateng hahayaan. OK na ipaglaban naten, pero lahat yan meron hanganan. Lagyan mu ng limit, hindi mu kailangan ang signs ni Lord to move on, kase para kay Lord ikaw ang nasa tamang lugar at walang pahintulot niya na ikaw ay masaktan ng labis. Ayaw niya nun. So mag isip ka sis.....lahat ng bagay kakayanin mu kung tutulungan mu ang sarili mu.

As for me, Im pregnant now with may new partner..sabi ng ex ko "makakahanap karin ng taong magmamahal sayo ng labis" and he is right....I found someone far better than him, a Family man and a good provider...hindi nga lang kasing kisig niya, but who cares about physical attributes? Malaki ang pasasalamat ko at itinapon ako ng ex ko, dahil kung hindi niya ako itinapon malamang nag titiis parin ako sa piling niya. How can you be happy with someone that you cannot trust? Parang kung magkabalikan man kayo ng mga philandering husbands nyo, will be happy and have a peace of mind? kumusta naman ang self esteem and morality nyo? It will never be the same and you will never find happiness. Maigi pang maging single nalang kasama ang mga anak nyo kesa kasama ang philandering husband na walang ginawa kundi saktan ka ng paulit ulit.
 

[Girltalker2]

As for me, Im pregnant now with may new partner..sabi ng ex ko "makakahanap karin ng taong magmamahal sayo ng labis" and he is right....

Haha, buti pa ang ex mo tuwid mag isip. Ang ex ko ang sabi ba naman, tingnan natin if you can find someone better than me. Kapal ano?

Maigi pang maging single nalang kasama ang mga anak nyo kesa kasama ang philandering husband na walang ginawa kundi saktan ka ng paulit ulit.

totoo iyan. Sabi nga, better na huwag nalang mag asawa kesa babaero ang mapangasawa mo.

again sis, i was again napatulala... for a moment nag blank ang brains (left and right) and heart ko,,,

Sis, things could be worse. We should be thankful of what we have now.
But this does not mean, you should tolerate the bad things.  Being thankful to what we have now means taking care and nurturing on what you have now - your self esteem, self worth at self respect.


Answers to your questions naman.  Walang reaction si ex. Maling text lang daw. Pero nung naconfirm ko, wala lang, nangyari naraw ang nangyari. Sorry daw.  Then di muna kami nag usap. Pero magulo kasi utak ko at utak din siguro nya.

I did not do anything to them. But it also came to a point that I was so tempted to hire an assassin to kill the kabit.  May nag offer sakin. But I don't have the heart to do it. I cannot do it. Di kaya ng konsyensya ko. Instead, I focused all my efforts to developing myself physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.

Alam na alam ng kabit na may pamilya si ex and I think she was motivated to have a child as well nung nalaman nya na buntis ako.

My ex told me wala na. He also keeps telling me he is trying. Bale Ok na kami then bigla mahuhuli na naman. Paulit ulit. Walang tinatago si ex pero I refused to adjust. But the worse thing I did I guess is I withdrew from society.  Minimize exposure. Wala akong masyadong friends. Office ko hanggang work lang. Walang personal talk.

Confrontations with the kabit was limited. One time she called. I did not react. I just listened.  But that's all. But after several years na pagtitiis ko, I left din. Naubusan ako ng lakas. And guess what, nung nilayasan ko ex ko, I assume nagsama sila. But again, ang babaero talaga eh sadyang babaero.  My ex had another GF on top of his mistress na buntis ulit.

Regarding konsyensya, oo wala silang konsyensya.  Ang my ex would often tell me, ako lang daw nagpapahirap sa sarili ko, kasi wala naman syang ginagawang pambubugbog sakin. Sobrang skewed ang thoughts.  So glad I am out of his life.

[vermich]

Kudos to all you girls who tried to work out the relationship and those who woke up after being cheated one too many times. It takes both route a very big effort and courage to do so.

Sabi nga nila ''A cheater will always be a cheater." Pero meron naman na successful at nagbago. yun lang it takes years and years before it finally happen, kasi maraming factors dapat busisiin to help that guy change for the better. And hindi ko masisis yung mga nag quit kasi paulit- ulit ng ginawa. But you did your job on staying true to the relationship. Sana maging mas maganda ang lives ninyo after these decisions. I salute you girls! 

[palamig]

napagdaanan ko na yung ganitong problema, nakakabaliw sa sobrang sakit, halos magmukha ako t****, nagbubulag bulagan pinipilit ko sarili ko na mali ang nararamdaman ko ang hinala ko. pero napatunayan ko na tama ang lahat ng hinala ko may kabit ang asawa ko noon. wala ako maisip na dahilan kung bakit nya nagawa yun sakin dahil lahat ibinigay ko na sa kanya lahat ng pag aasikaso bilang asawa ginawa ko at nung tinanong ko sya saan ako nagkulang wala syang masabi kundi natukso daw sya. oo alam ko una pa lang may pagka chik boy sya pero ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko aabot sa ganito na para na sila mag asawa ang baboy, tapos halos wala na sya maibigay na pera.

ilang buwan din ako nahirapan sa panlalamig ng asawa ko nun, one time may nag pm sa akin sa fb tanong ako daw asawa ni ganito o kasal daw ba kami. sabi ko oo ako nga asawa nya. tapos hindi na sya reply. nalaman ko na lang sya pala yung kabit. maski nanlalamig na sya sakin nun todo asikaso pa din ako sa kanya baka kako sakali maawa makapag isip isip sya kaso hindi eh,lumala pa.

tandang tanda ko pa birthday nya,umuwi sya gabing gabi na may dala pang cake sabi ko saan galing yun sabi nya bigay daw ng boss nya, buti di ko tinikman kasi wala naman ako hilig sa cake. kinabukasan nalaman ko galing pala yun sa babae nya at silang dalawa ang nagcelebrate. the day after ng bday magaling kong asawa noon, hindi ko na talaga kinaya talagang ginawan ko ng paraan para malaman kung sino yun kabit hangang sa makuha ko yung number nung babae at naconfirmed kong sya nga talaga yung kabit. grabe ang pakiramdam ko nun parang gusto ko himatayin,nanlalamig buo ko katawan pero lakas loob ko sila hinarap dalawa doon sa opisina nila dahil magkasama sila sa work. di ako nageskandalo. hindi natapos ang araw na yun hiniwalayan ko na sya, sumuko na ko ayoko magmakaawa, hindi ko deserve yun. pinalayas ko sya sa bahay. good thing wala pa kami anak.

ilang buwan din ako iyak ng iyak nun halos kaawaan ko na sarili ko, ang sabi sakin ng nanay ko tama lang daw yung ginawa ko na tinigil ko na pagka martir ko. makakatagpo din daw ako ng tunay na magmamahal sakin. hanggang isang araw napagod na ko magmukmok umiyak, tanggap ko na. inayos ko ulit sarili ko at naging normal na ulit buhay ko.blooming nga daw sabi nila.

sorry napahaba ang kwento ng buhay ko, for you naman sis wag mo iisipin ang sasabihin ng iba, ang pag chismisan ka dahil kahit anong tago mo malalaman at malalaman nila yan , hayaan mo lang sila at lilipas din yan at may iba na sila pagchichismisan.

kakayanin mo yan oo mahirap talaga sa una pero kakayanin mo yan sa tulong ng pamilya mo.

[shinta]

i took a break para makapag-unwind and to reflect on what i really feel and what i should do. and my mind is clearer now.

Ganun sa umpisa sis, hysterical once you find out about the cheating then eventually mamamanhid ka na. Sa tingin mo, normal pa ba yun?

when he first cheated, i was in a roller coaster of emotions and medyo matagal before nag-sink in sakin yung nangyari. even after i forgave him and gave him a second chance, i was still hurting. the 2nd time he cheated, nagmukmok ako for a couple of days. andun yung same roller coaster of emotions. but after we've talked and i chose to forgive him, i felt a huge relief na parang there's this heavy thing that was lifted off my chest. i felt so light, then came peace within myself.

it's not the peace of mind na i know he won't cheat again, but peace of mind knowing that he might cheat again but i'll know what to do when that happens. i'm not tolerating him, but it's like my mind is saying, if it happens again then that's the time i'll deal with it, pero ngayon, i want my peace.

@shinta, feeling ko destructive ang ganyang klaseng relationship. Kasi slowly natatanggap mo ang apak-apakan lang ang pagkatao mo at pagsasama ninyo. Sanay ka nang binabastos at OK lang sayo. so in time, kung maging mas grabe man ang mga affairs nya, Ok nalang din.  Kung magkaanak sya sa labas, ok lang din. He does not want to leave because he is comfortable already. So dyan lang sya while having other things on the side. Everything should just revolve around him.

when i said i'm at peace, it doesn't mean tinatanggap ko na yung pag-chi-cheat niya and all the negative effects it has on me. when i made that post, i was still confused not with my feelings, but with why i feel that way, kaya i was sending out the wrong message.

i'm not ok with these things and i'm not accepting them as the norm in our marriage. i'm fighting back to get the marriage that i want.

Your reason for staying - kasi wala ka rin naman ibang pupuntahan.  So since convenient magstay, sige nalang. But what you are missing by not leaving is the chance to be happy again.  Your so-called peace of mind right now is just superficial.  Malamang hindi ka na bothered kasi hindi mo sya iniisip, coping mechanism mo nalang is to block it off from your mind so you can survive.  Pag nasa Pinas ka siguro, parang iyan na ang nakasanayan ng mga tao, babaerong husband at laging nakabantay ang wife na parang linta.  Pero naman, who wants that?  It's like a lifetime living in purgatory. 

Tapos if you stay pa, aside from missing that chance (by the way you only got 1 life) to be happy, pinalalaki mo rin ang kid/s mo with your hubby's mindset.  Lalabas at lalabas iyan sa everyday dealing ng cheating hubby sa anak eh - yung hindi pagrespect nya sa mga kababaihan.  So kung lalaki ang anak mo, expect not to respect you as well paglaki nya.  Kung babae naman, expect na kung lokohin man sya in the future ng magiging asawa nya, OK lang din sa kanya and tatanggapin nya with open arms. Of course, they do not necessarily follow, but if they are raised in that kind of environment, puede iyan ang kalakihan din nila - na OK lang mabastos, at OK lang mang-isa or manloko.

i agree na yung peace is my mind's defense mechanism, but not to survive and not out of desperation. i remember the time when i experienced a phase of clinical depression. i was on a destructive path. but then suddenly, my mind switched to being happy. and kahit anong masasakit na nangyayari sa buhay ko, i still feel depressed but not as bad as before. nakaka-bounce ako agad because my mind is choosing to be happy. i think the same thing is happening now. my mind is choosing her peace, rather than worry and be preoccupied with the what-ifs.

May mga worries pa din, but i'm not dwelling on them. worrying and watching my husband like a hawk won't guarantee that he won't cheat again so why do that?

But what you are missing by not leaving is the chance to be happy again. -  honestly, even if we separate, i don't think i will want to find another man. and like what i said, my life is not miserable now to need to feel happy again. my marriage may not be perfect and not blissfully happy, but my life in general is.

nung nakapag-isip-isip ako, i finally understand why i'm choosing to stay.

one, because i'm not miserable. it's easier to leave when one feels kawawa or when one has such a strong personality na pag sinabing di pwede, di pwede or when one has had enough. right now, i'm not one of those and i still feel whole and happy enough to go on.

two, because i believe that our marriage still has a fighting chance. i still believe that my husband is a good person with misplaced principles and loose moral values. and when i look at his family and relatives, it's easier to understand why. mababait na tao naman ang family niya, but they don't have GMRC. and yung mga ugali niya na nakaka-grrr sprung from his upbringing.

i know it's difficult to change a person pero i know also that my husband is capable of changing. in the span of time that we're together, i've seen changed for the better a number of times, after i pointed out his obvious flaws. it takes time nga lang.

three, because i feeling now would be too soon to quit. so until when? hanggang nakikita ko na he's also trying to fight with me. both times na nahuli ko siyang nagchi-cheat, he immediately ended the affair and tries to make up for it. for me that's a sign that this could work.

but he's a serial cheater. kahit anong reason pa ang ibigay niya sakin, i know the real reason why he's cheating is because he wants something he can't get from me or our marriage - thrill, excitement, something new, sex. and kung ano man yun, he thinks he has reasons that can justify his cheating, and his needs are superior to anything in our marriage.

to change him is a daunting task. and in the end, pwedeng di din mag-work, but i don't feel like baka nagsasayang lang ako ng oras and i could've been happy doing the opposite. i'm doing this by choice and i'm not miserable doing it. if there's one glimmer of hope that the marriage will survive, i will want to take that chance.

[langley]

Para sa lahat ng babae dito na nakakaranas ng infidelity sa part ng asawa nila,

I have one advice "Don't give up"

Always remember you are a married woman. When you married that man you made a commitment in front of others and to God that you will love and honor this man until death do us part.

You made vows
"for better or for worse"

"What God put together let no man separate" sabi 'yan sa Bible. And the Bible is the word of God.

"marriage should be honored by all"  -Hebrews 13:4

If you're husband is not honoring your marriage by infidelity then it doesn't mean that you will follow your husband and you will not honor your marriage too.

"Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good"

If your husband is being evil then sanctify him by doing good. A wife has an influential power on her husband. The Bible says:

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
-1 Peter 3:1

won without words, not by nagging or manipulation or control
by the behavior= a gentle and quiet spirit, a peaceful wife, a wife surrendered to God

Always remember you cannot change your husband, you cannot be your husband's conscience. Only God can do that. And sometimes God will change your behavior first before He changes your husband.

So hurting wives come to God. He said,

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.-Matthew 11:28

and

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." -Matthew 6:33

you want your marriage to survive then seek God first. Stop focusing on your husband and his imperfections. You cannot change him, accept that. He is after all, like you, a fallen human who needs God too. So focus on God. Get on your knees and pray. Ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. Ask Him to forgive your sins and change you and convict you of your sins. And then get a Bible, read it, meditate on it. Specifically read Bible verses about the roles of wives. Then act on it. Ask Jesus to help you obey His words. Then you will be happy, no you will have "JOY". Happiness is fleeting but the joy that comes from the Lord is everlasting. You will have peace too.

That is the key sisters. Seek God first.

[toydoll]

your post is way relieving sis langley.. sobra....

alam nyo sisses, i am one of those hurting wives na sobrang tindi ng galit,,, at dahil na contain na ko ng galit, nakakalimutan ko na may LORD na nakatingin sa atin,, minsan kasi naiisip ko nakakahiyang humarap sa KANYA dahil sobra sobra ang galit sa pagkatao ko,, pag nasa meltdown side ako,, sa text pinapatay ko na si hubby,, sinasabi ko "mamatay ka na" at "mamatay na din yung p*ta mo" - i felt felt felt sooo bad talaga,,, feeling ko sobrang sama ko na din,,, kaya minsan nahihiya ako magdasal,,, sinasabi ko sa sarili ko ihahanda ko muna sarili ko sa pagharap ko sa KANYA yun bang at peace ako kahit paano,,, alam nyo sisses kung nakakamatay lang ang text,, malamang nasa kulungan na ko,,,,, naging ganyan kalala ako dahil sa sobrang lason sa utak ko,, at dahil sa trust issue,,,

but the post of sis langley made me realize something,,, baka nga na ooverlook ko na ang pagbabago ni hubby dahil lunod na lunod ako sa galit ko,,, madami naman ng changes si hubby,, and he is proving himself also,,, kaso konting pagkakamali nya,, sobra sobra na din nagiging galit ko,,,

tama si sis langley,,, mapatay ko man sila sa text,, wala rin,, i cannot change a person,, only GOD can,,, bigla ako napatingin sa salamin,, and i saw a person very very different from who she really was,,,, i like to redeem my old self,,, yung peaceful na tao,,, na realize ko kelangan ko din paniwalaan si hubby na wala na nga,,, naisip ko kung hindi pa nga tapos,, di naman ako magdadala nun kundi silang 2,,, kasi sila talaga ang nagkakasala... hindi ko kelangan magkasala at maging masama din para sa kanila.....

si hubby umiyak sya ng matindi morning of sunday (yesterday) pag gising namin,, sobrang umiyak sya,, sabi nya sakin,, mahal nya ko at sobrang laki daw ng kasalanan nya sakin,, gusto nyang bumawi.... gusto nya daw ako mapasaya,, at yung luha nya,, di nya mapigil kakatulo,,, bihira ko syang makitang umiiyak,, so di ko alam ano dapat ko maramdaman,,, sabi nya sakin,, i can have my peace,, at i can sleep at night sound and peaceful,,, sabi ko sa kanya,, "bakit iiwan mo na ba kami kaya umiiyak?" sabi nya,,, "it will not happen.. complete family tayo"....

with that scene yesterday,, at sa nabasa ko kay sis langley,,, parang naisip ko,, why not have my peace of mind? si GOD kakampi ko,, ako yung innocent dito at walang kasalanan,,, with that na sinabi ni hubby,, kung nagloloko pa rin sya sa likod nyan,,, hindi na din naman ako magdadala nyan,,, sya.... tama kasi ,, kahit ano gawin ko,,, he can only change himself and GOD,,, GOD will do everything for me for good,,,, so why worry?

i need to regain myself,, every night before i sleep,, hindi na ko nagdadasal ng maayos,,, i need to regain myself,,, i need to help myself mabawasan galit ko sa puso at eventually sana mawala,,,,

i am lifting everything to GOD,,,,,,

[mommy_me]

saludo ako sa inyong lahat wether nag-stay sa marriage or nag-let go..

kung sa akin mangyari yan baka mabaliw ako.. OMG!

[narz83]

i have been visiting this thread once in a while, sad to say, i am one of those sisses here who has trust issues na. i have known people around me who choose to stay and who choose to let go after infedility. i guess, in my own pov, saludo ako sa mga matatapang na naglelet go dahil sobrang tortured na and they cant have peace of mind anymore.
my bestfriend is one of the strongest woman i have known. her ex cheated on her many times with the same girl, klarong klaro pa sa isip ko now how she lost her weight at kung paano itsura niya during those times. napabayaan nya sarili nya sa depression. they had 2 boys. but when she moved on and stayed away from her ex she's never been happier, blooming at talagang naging successful sya in her career. she has no regrets as she always say.maprapraning lang daw sya sa tuwing nakikita nya husband nya kaya time came she decided to detach herself from him, it was not healthy for both of them and for the kids to see them fight palagi.
on the other hand, 2 close friends of mine, choose to stay for the sacrament of their marriage and sa ayaw lang talaga nila ng broken family. sa harap ng mga ibang tao, masaya sila nagsisimba, kumakain sa labas but sa loob ng bahay, they are all very cold. the kids know what is happening but  they keep on telling them that they are staying together because they love them. (shocks ) one of my 2 close friends said that every morning she wakes up she has full of regrets in her heart why she marry her hubby.but she is just so coward to leave or to let him go kaya mas pinili na lang daw nyang magtiis.
i am not judging ones' decision here on how they handle their marriage crisis.but i take considerations to what ms. kris aquino's words (not exact words but it goes like this)"ang nasirang relasyon parang isang basag na bagay lang yan na pinipilit mong ayusin, pinupulot mo yong pieces pero ikaw lang ang masasaktan kaya mas maigi nalang na walisin na lang"

[cabbagepatch]

Here's my post update regarding this topic that I've started last November.....it really hurts so bad
but I have to move on to gather myself again and to realize my worth not as a wife but as individual.


http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,284282.0.html

[narz83]

^I've read it, sis.. that's girl power! i think we all deserve what's best for us. we don't deserve to be cheated on. it is a hard, tough decision but sure it is wise. be strong. pray. you'll be okay!

[cabbagepatch]

thanks sis narz83....

[andy126]

Make your hubby realize what he did and he should be ready for the consequences...!!!

[kaiz]

^agree. si husband naman ang nagpromise to be loyal and faithful sa wife eh, hindi si other woman

[narz83]

^that's my realization from all this infidelity issues