Wedding Preparation Conflicts: Dealing With Other People

[kiracharlie]

Hello girls!

I'd like to know how you handled the conflicts?  Feel free to add it here so other brides would have an idea on how to handle these things.

[zandystar]

since kayo ikakasal, kung ano ang gusto ninyong dalawa masunod, yun dapat ang sundin. kung may magagalit at masasaktan ok lang yun kasi kasal ninyo naman yan eh. just my 2 cents.

[j.adore]

1. Tita wants me to include her daughter in the entourage even if we're not close kasi daw dalaga na.
Sabi ko hindi pwede kasi konti lang ang entourage ko at di kaya ng budget ang madami.

2. Relatives expecting me to get the eldest in the clan as primary sponsor.
Keber lang. Wala siya sa list ng intended primary sponsors ko.

3. Relatives always asking about details in the wedding.
Smile lang, change topic, or I tell them na malalaman nila yung mga kailangan nila malaman (like dress code, color, etc.) pag malapit na.

4. Requests for +1
I tell them that if we have extra seats when the wedding is near, we'll let them know. Otherwise, it's a no.

5. Suggestions
Kung maliit na bagay lang naman, pinagbibigyan ko. Pero yung mga di ko type, sabihin ko agad na hindi ko talaga gusto.

[aquacharly]

With regards to parents on both sides -- generally, the side that pays the most wants to have the most "say".  Money nga naman is power.  So better, the couple spend for their wedding & just tell the parents to give them cash for their future home/bank account.

But having a competent coordinator helps to moderate the different demands, & tantrums.
Nobody handles it better than Rita Neri.  Peksman. Plus, she knows what's in good taste.  Peksman.

Another rule good to follow is to NOT open your choices to discussion/debate.  Just inform them.

With regards to family vs friends -- "family" is the families you & your groom come from, not extended families.  So, accommodate in your entourage all family members, then "boundary" na -- hahaha... Include your & his BFFs. 

Some really don't wear gowns, but suits that are awfully formal & pricey looking.
(Vs. some who come in gowns hindi mo alam kung kulambo or oversized duster. Lol)
With the Sponsors --  eyeball them & request they use your fabric (best you provide the fabric for their gowns), & if for some reason a Ninang will be unable to attend --  say you will understand, but will  have your own proxy stand in for her. .  (What my clan does, as started by our Lola --  a sponsor gown is made for a favorite tita --  in case 1 female sponsor fails to turn up --  this tita dons the gown, so perfect pa rin photos.  Sa male sponsor -- madali eh, just make arrangements in advance with a relative). 

As for the jologs  tita who you anticipate will break your dress code -- assign her to a seat on the sidelines & tell your photographer ahead of time to position during photo-taking -- as  to be almost totally blocked, those  inappropriately attired.  A good coordinator will be alert to this. 

[kiracharlie]

4. Requests for +1
I tell them that if we have extra seats when the wedding is near, we'll let them know. Otherwise, it's a no.

I'll probably do this too. But some of the +1s I intend to invite talaga. May mga priority 1 and 2 na lang siguro ako.

[hyjac28]

My problem is my Mom. Pag may topak sya, mega-sabi sya na hindi daw sya a-attend ng wedding unless H2B lands a job (and the wedding is next month). Ako naman mega-iyak to the point na parang namanhid na ako na parang naiisip ko na tanggapin na lang kung hindi sya pupunta. Hindi ko naman sya masisisi pero syempre masakit for me.

Naghahanap naman ng work si H2B and nagka-work naman na sya before. Nahihirapan lang now. And knowing him na very ma-pride, hindi naman yan magiging tambay forever noh?! Ang dami lang ginagawa now kasi pinapagawa namin ang aming nest.

Kung a-attend sya, ipapaalis ko talaga yung Parent's Message sa program kasi baka makapagsalita sya ng off about H2B. Pero syempre mas magiging masaya ako kung pumunta sya. 

[cmax]

I know your mom meant well Sis pero maganda nga na naisipan mong tanggalin yung part na yun sa program para iwas din sa drama pag nagkataon. Medyo emotional din kasi ang celebration so para makaiwas na lang sa posibleng mishaps. Hoping na maayos na ang gusot na yan para naman masaya ang lahat sa pagsisimula nyo ng buhay mag-asawa.

[det060403]

Samin no issues naman masyado, except yung usual na invitation ng parents sa people na initially hindi namin nilagay sa guestlist.

[pinkalicious]

^same here sis.. Kung pwede lang lahat ng friends nila iinvite why not.. Syempre mas priority ko ang family at close friends..

[katrinac]

Sis, mahirap talaga ganyan. lalo na kapag parents ang nagrerequets. minsan kasi talaga, sa kamag anak sila talaga ang ma aarte. hehe. 
Pero if kayo naman ang mag pay ng wedding, and kayo naman ang ikakasal., yung decision is nasa inyo parin. Pero naku, lets face it, sila may masasabi at masasabi parin talaga. Hay, the major boo boos of wedding preps talaga. minsan hirap mag decide kapag yung kamag anak eh medyo alam mo na. hahaha

[lisse]

ganon naman talaga kahit anong celebration or event pa yan. people will still find and/or have something to say that is best left unsaid. yung iba para may ma-sabi lang, or talagang party pooper lang ang peg. if you can, lessen all the negativity on your special day.

[det060403]

Haha.. Si mommy ko hindi mapgilan mag invite ng friends niya sabi niya pa, kahit siya magbabayad nung tables nila lol

[andy2014]

Naiintindihan ko mga sentiments nyo haha. akala ko lang ang stressed sa kamaganak. Wala ako masyadong problem sa nanay ko, thank God! She lets me decides, hindi sya nakikielam, only if I ask her opinion...ANG PROBLEMA is yung mga titas ko at mom ni H2B, daming gustong invite...na hindi namen kilala! Yun din sabi nya, she'll pay for the table. But that's not our point. Very sentimental ako kasi eh, gusto ko yung mga tao lang na gusto ko makita sa kasal ko ang andun, ayaw ko na hindi ko kaclose.

Basta mga brides to be, be firm. Lalo na kung lahat eh from your own pocket ni H2B. pero kung parents ang mabgagayad ng wedding nyo, expect na may requests/demands talaga. Pero yung hindi naman tumutulong tapos ang daming gusto eh, ignore na lang haha

[aquacharly]

^good! Let her pay for her tables. 

About the baduy/jologs DRESSERS --  talk to your coordinator & photographer ahead of time.

At a recent wedding of a cousin --  yung mga jologs - ewan ko, ang yaman yaman dadating naka Lacoste collared t-shirt!  Strictly Formal lagay sa invite. 
I told the Photographer - sa table photos - take the photos para nasa edge (madali ma cut out. Hahaha).  Sa photo on the stage behind the bride & groom - ilagay sa gitna --  tapos the photographer says and signals all to bend in: closer! Closer! Bend! Bend!  -- so natakpan na ng face nya his tshirt. Lol

May tita friend ng mom of groom - que horror - Tessa Prieto wanna-be. Ga wig, ga headpiece that will give a peacock low self esteem.  Center of attention drama.  Dapat yung bride hindi talbugan  di ba?!
I talked to her nicely together with Rita: Tita you look fabulous! Don't join the crowd. The bride & groom will have a special solo pic with you and your hubby.
O eh di did not spoil the group photo.  We isolated her photos para out out out the circus. Hahaha
Kasi pag hindi mo control photographer -- Ngek! Almost all photos will show her standing out -- starting sa cocktails. Susko!!!

Sa table photo shoot -- ganon, keep her at the edge.
Lol.  Basta nangawit  smile ko telling her she was fabulous at hwag dumikit sa masa.  Hahaha

My cousin sent me a text before flying off to Paris:  I am eternally in your debt.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hahaha. 

[iceheaven31]

Here are my share:

1.) dad - he invited one of his best buddies and even asked him to be a ninong. itong kaibigan niya, never pa namin na-meet ever. i literally freaked out when my mom told me about this. good thing it happened early this year and we are hoping that makalimutan na lang ni kaibigan na inimbita siya. ayun, natameme nung pinakitaan namin ng guest list draft.

2.) mom - siya ang pumili ng unang reception venue namin and then in the middle of it, nag-inarte bigla. so i asked her to do ocular visits. and whatever she decides on, siya na pumirma ng contract, and siya na ang kumausap, which she really did naman.
-also, she planned to invite neighbors. sabi ko, e yung kapitbahay nga namin na kaibigan ko hindi sila inimbita, bakit natin sila iimbitahin. personally, i dont like to invite the neighbors kasi sila yung mga tsismoso at tsismosang lola. i'd prefer her to invite some of her high school friends because they are more decent and para at least hindi siya mabored.
-i also forewarned her to keep relatives to a minimum.
-buti na lang the venue has a maximum capacity of 150pax so we can really restrict guests.

3.) bridesmaid - one of my bridesmaids is less than 5ft in height. i asked them to wear knee-length cocktail dresses with a decent neckline in respect and reverence to the church. me and my bridesmaids are in one fb message thread and nalingat lang ako, pagbackread ko, sinabi niya dun sa isa, "hirap naman pumili ng dress, daming restrictions!". buti na lang yung isa defended me by saying "hayaan mo na, kasal niya yan e". i finally gave in to her persistence, so she will wear a dress though above-the-knee but decent in length (i hope). wala na rin ako masyadong ma-say kasi she is flying home from new zealand, and is only flying home for the wedding because i asked her to be a bridesmaid.
-also, tinanong ko dati kung magdadala siya ng +1, hindi daw, tapos sabi niya need daw niya ng +1 kasi di na raw niya kabisado yung pinas (been away for mga 4-5 years na rin kasi). i told her that we will check kung may slots kasi nga limited lang ang space, pero personally ayoko nang lagyan sya ng +1 tutal yung 2 pang bridesmaids ay mga kaibigan rin naman namin.

4.) a couple of friends (ACF) - eto ang naging conversation namin:
ACF: may personal vows kayo?
ako: wala.
ACF: ay bakit wala? dapat meron! para mas maganda.
ako: ayaw namin e.
-wala lang. di talaga namin type ni h2b ng ganun. wag na sila umepal.

[nikki09]

Hands-off Mom ko (by force lol) anything related sa wedding.

Nung start super stressful kasi ang dami nyang say sa kasal..
1. Huwag kunin yung flowers for reception kasi may kakilala siyang magaling mag decorate

2. Huwag kunin yung cake kasi may kilala pa rin siya

3. Sa manila hotel na lang wedding preps kahit santo domingo (sa Quezon Ave) pa ang simbahan at sa Santol ang reception kasi 'malapit' lang naman

4. Yung crew meals may officemate daw siyang lagi nilang binibilhan ng food na masarap (I agree masarap nga kaso by bilao magluto hindi yung naka-pack individually) at kaya naman daw gawan ng paraan yung individual packing

5. Pati sa guests may say siya - walang care na pa 100++ na sa side ko tapos kay h2b eh 50 lang.

6. Pati decoration sa simbahan may gusto na siya

7. Pati friends niyang into photography (hobby lang ah) dapat daw invited para maraming pictures

8. And pinakamalala, nung alam na niyang ikakasal na ako (nag start na kami ni h2b mag-research some time September 2012 then we announced our plan of getting married January 2013) - gusto pa niya gawan ko siya ng presentation (list of prospect suppliers, packages they offer and comparisons with each other) - Hay nako naloka talaga ako lalo na at ako talaga ang nagpreprepare and naghahanap ng suppliers kasi Overseas si h2b. Hindi ko talaga pinakita sa kanya yung excel sheet & log book (andun lahat ng wedding related). Gusto niya i-sort ko lahat ng brochures na nakukuha sa bridal fairs para ma-check niya isa isa.

Nung una grabe kasi nagtatalo talaga kami, umiiyak pa ako asking her to just stop doing what she's doing kasi kapag kumokontra ako magtataas siya ng boses and will use her favorite line 'nagsusuggest lang ako, kasal mo pa rin yan ikaw ang masusunod! Kung ayaw mo eh di huwag, ikaw na maraming alam.'

Since then hindi ko na siya sinasabihan kung may napili na akong supplier or may meeting ako with a supplier (though lahat ng supplier meeting ko is to book them na :p). From there na-realize niya ata na super stressful siyang kausap basta wedding related kaya ngayon nagtatanong na lang siya ng updates. Minsan minsan na lang hihirit ng gusto niya pero hindi na nagtataas ng boses 

[Purple_Power]

I understand that wedding is special day not just for couples but for witnesses as well. But they should keep in mind that wedding is not synonymous to debut. They are already smart enough to think what is wedding for. It is just irritates me of why others has to grab more people na tipong ginagawa na nilang fiesta at gimikan yung wedding mo. Tipong they want to invite their own friends sa wedding mo pa. It is just weird!!!! eh di magpaparty na lang sila every birthday nila. The problem nowadays is nakakalimutan na nila yung totoong kahulugan ng kasal, paano priority nila kung paano silang makakapag BRAG on your wedding day. Sa wedding na yan dyan talaga nagsisilabasan ang totoong ugali ng mga taong mahilig makialam at maraming issues dyan.

[j.adore]

insanelypurpleprincess, I'm guessing your in-laws paid for the wedding?

[caterpillar-girl]

iceheaven, wala rin kaming vows. We just prefer the solemn Catholic vows, and nothing else. Pag tinatanong kami, yun din sagot namin, di namin type. So far, wala namang ganong makulit, thankfully, except for some na sinasabi rin samin na "Bakit?! Mas maganda sa video!" or "mas sweet!" Pag ganoon we just say "Oo nga eh" and then change topic haha. End of story.

[andy2014]

I understand that wedding is special day not just for couples but for witnesses as well. But they should keep in mind that wedding is not synonymous to debut. They are already smart enough to think what is wedding for. It is just irritates me of why others has to grab more people na tipong ginagawa na nilang fiesta at gimikan yung wedding mo. Tipong they want to invite their own friends sa wedding mo pa. It is just weird!!!! eh di magpaparty na lang sila every birthday nila. The problem nowadays is nakakalimutan na nila yung totoong kahulugan ng kasal, paano priority nila kung paano silang makakapag BRAG on your wedding day. Sa wedding na yan dyan talaga nagsisilabasan ang totoong ugali ng mga taong mahilig makialam at maraming issues dyan.

haha ang taray! well totoo yan sis! Super common yan dito sa Pinas na, na nag dadala pa ng bisita. I agree, I think wedding prep reveals the best and worst in people, makikita mo talaga ugali.