Wedding Preparation Conflicts: Dealing With Other People

[Adam1025]

I sooo agree with this mga sis. Nakalagay na nga sa invitation kung ilan ang reserved seats for them, yung isa PS ko ang mother ko pa kinausap saying na bakit daw 3 lang ang reserved sa kanila paano daw yung iba nya anak gusto din daw pumunta ng Tagaytay. Goshhh, sumasakit ulo ko hindi naman fieldtrip ang wedding namin. Pero nahihirapan ako i-manage kasi mother ko mismo start pa lang ng preps gusto nya invite nya lahat ng kumare nya, and she never listen sa side ko ang sakit sa bangs! 

[Purple_Power]

^^Thank you for appreciation to my post. Yan ang isang bagay kung bakit minsan wala akong ganang pumunta sa mga kasal eh! kasi imbis na ang focus ay tungkol sa bagong kasal puro sa pagandahan napupunta eh! Kaya nga minsan may mga kasal na kahit anong bongga disaster pa rin ang nangyari. Paano inuna kung paano makapagyabang sa mga bisita. Nakakaloka lang talaga kung bakit sa isang araw lang na special event ay parang gusto pang daigin ang isang concert na kulang na lang magkaroon ng production crew. Di hamak na naging concern pa sila sa itsura ng kasal kaysa sa pag-aasawa ng kanilang mga anak. Pansin ko lang matindi talaga ang pressure ng kasal dahil ang dami talagang gustong makialam na wala naman sa hulog, siguro dahil nga nasanay na sunud ng sunod yung mga anak sa gusto ng magulang. Parang bang tinatanggalan ka na ng karapatan at sariling pag-iisip sa decision. Pero wag ka! kapag nakagraduate ka na ng college pinaparamdam sayo na ang tanda mo na at wala ka pa ring trabaho at pera. Tapos pagdating sa kasal parang ang trato eh mga batang dapat diktahan ng ganito at ganyan worst case gusto sila pa masusunod.

Kaya suggestion ko lang sa iba, gawin niyo na lang bongga yung kasal niyo kapag 25th wedding anniversary. Grabe naman kung may anak na nga kayo at lahat tapos yung iba may apo na eh kung may makikialam pa sa sarili niyong decision.

[iceheaven31]

sis insanelypurpleprincess: sorry to hear about your mother in law being the biggest epal in your wedding preparations. i have a chinese colleague and she also had no choice but to use red as her wedding motif even if she hates it, simply because of tradition and to attract good luck. also in chinese tradition, if i am not mistaken, a "bongga" wedding will also attract good luck.

sisses caterpillar-girl and kiracharlie: apir! kumpleto naman yung contents nung exchange of vows sa standard catholic liturgy no need for redundancy and/or additional embellishments. sa christian wedding ko lang talaga yan nakikita as necessity kasi wala naman yatang standard format.
[no offense meant to couples with personal vows in catholic church wedding].

[Purple_Power]

Yan pa ang isang nakakaimbyerna na kung bakit magulang ang pipili para sa Ninong at Ninang mo, ano ba ito binyag mo? Kung suggestion lang naiintindihan ko pa pero you have the right to invoke against self incrimination.  Kidding aside.... you still have the right to object sa suggestion nila kung hindi niyo type.

Ang masasabi ko lang sa mga soon to wed kung pwede ipaglaban niyo pareho ng h2b yung right niyo for the wedding plans. Huwag kayong papayag na makialam sila basta basta lalo na kung nasasakripisyo ang budget niyo.

[graZiousa]

Mga sis, naging experience ko during preparation ng wedding namin. si MIL lahat nalang merong comment. may mga arranged na at  lahat lahat tapos biglang magsasabi na pangit daw ang ganun na kesyo pang bukid daw, to the point na sinabihan ko na si hubby na "ano ba, pwede bang choice ko  masunod, ako at ikaw kaya ikakasal". kinausap si MIL ni hubby kaya yon  natigil.. buti nga sana kung magdedemand e tutulong sa gastos.. 

[vhanya]

^same with me. lately pansin ko rin parang lahat na lang pinapakialaaman ni MIL. Ibang klase sa arte, magtipid daw kami pero yung gown nya 40k! LOlS!

[LGV]

With both sides sa simula "Hindi kame makekeelam bahala silang dalawa, anything they want its their wedding" Ngayong weeks before ayan na, what if?? What if?? Mas okay siguro kung.. Pwede pa bang isama sa guestlist si? Siguro dapat ganto. Well, ang hirap lang tumanggi pero minsan para matapos na alng usapan haha!

[dzelibean]

Natawa naman ako sa mga posts ng mga sis natin dito! :p
Ako din, medyo bida-kontrabida ang future MIL ko.

Una yung church namin, from Caleruega, "nakiusap" sya kung pwedeng OLLP nalang daw dahil mas malaki daw at mas mahaba ag aisle, since malaki ang clan nila..
Pangalawa, yung gown ko daw "sure daw ba kami na okay lang samin gumastos ng 50k above para sa isang damit lang?"
Pangatlo, ayaw mag-caterer, gusto magpakatay ng baka at baboy at magpaluto. Eto talagang umangal ako kase ayoko naman na nasa simbahan ako tas iniisip ko pa kung "luto na ba at nakahain na ang buffet table"!
Pangapat, yung mga ninong at ninang, dapat daw yung mga ninong at ninang sa binyag, yun din ang nasa kasal.
And last but not the least, yung gown na isusuot ng MIL ko, talagang plano pa yata akong kabugin, ang pinili na peg, sweetheart tube. Napa, "SERIOUSLY?!" talaga ko sa fiance ko habang nakataas ang kaliwang kilay. Hahaha! Syempre, ako padin nasunod sa ending. :p

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO?! Buti nalang talaga ang fiance ko ay may sariling desisyon at kahit na close sila ng Mama niya, ako parin ang panalo. Bwahahahaha.

[vhanya]

MIL almost messed up my church, my wedding ring, the guest list and the venuw itself! Ibang kalse and it was 2 months before our wedding. Buti h2b was firm ebough to tell her that we will not follow her kaartehan.

In fairness, di papahuli peg and gown ni MIL sakin. 40k sa kanya lols

[muriel1]

sa mom at family side ko naman wala ako problema. we are only a small family. wala naman sila gusto iepal or ipush, minsan nga nakakaoffend na, parang walang paki, palibhasa kami ni h2b ang may sagot sa budget. though happy naman ako kasi yung borthers and siser ko, puro pledges lang ang ibinibring up, hotel preps, honeymoon, small wedding stuff na pwede nila igift na sa amin ni h2b. sa side naman ni h2b, supposedly small lang din sila pero dahil medyo malaki at marami silang circles of friends, yung original na 100 pax namin ni h2b nasa 250 na ngayon pero malinaw naman sa kanila na sa food first 100 lang ang sagot namin at yung over dun sila ang sasagot. i know hindi lang naman about the money pero nice naman mga future in laws ko so okay na rin lang than magkaconflict kami. wala rin sila masyado naman pakialam maliban sa mas gusto nila barong ang isuot ni h2b at yung subtle suggestion nila na masarap ang kbycunanan kasi lagi daw yun ang caterer ng mga naattendan nila na weddings at super impressed sila, though wala naman direct instructions na dapat yun na ang kunin namin. saka pala si future father in law, masarap daw yung margarush over a mobile bar na iba iba ang drinks. lol. in fairness to future moher in law, siya na daw bahala sa gowns at make up nila ng mga sisers in law ko kasi meron na sila pegs na nakita ko naman na maganda at pati make up artist na lagi nila kinukuha. sagot na rin daw niya gifts sa principal sponsors, sabi ko eh di, pabor! salamat! hahaha! nag subtle hint nga lang siya kay h2b na pwede siya na ang OTD coordinator ko, politely lang sinabi namin ni h2b, na no, we don't wan you to be stressed during that day. haaayy...sana lang smooth siya as the months go by.

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

sad thing is, hindi natatapos ang away on the wedding day itself. yung isang auntie ko na hindi ko inimbita sa wedding ko (kasi hindi pa nga iniimbita, nagsabi na sa nanay ko na siguraduhin daw kunin silang ninang-ninong nung asawa niya. to be honest i did not invite them kasi they are the kind of people who are hard to please and alam ko marami lang sila mapapansin sa kasal namin, eh iwas bad vibes ako), nagkita ulit kami after two years. two years matagal na yun, akala ko naman nakamove on na siya. eh buntis ako so humirit siya, "siguraduhin mong imbitahin kami sa binyag ha! nung kasal mo hindi ka man lang nangimbita." grabe! guess what, di ko pa rin siya iimbitahin sa binyag ng anak namin 

[graZiousa]

What happened during preparations ng wedding namin, nako ang daming epal.. Even MIL daming inputs, bout color ng motiff.. Final ng motiff namin na red and gold tapos may bridesmaid na ako ng nakapagawa na ng dress nya. Biglang sabi ni MIL gawing red and orange nalang daw.. Sinabi ko na meron na nga nakapagawa, sabi di bale na sya maiba ng kulay.. Nako di ako pumayag, si hubby pinagsabihan ko kaya natahimik duns a issue na yon. Pagdating naman sa mga kulay sa reception, ang sakin simple white tsaka yong kulay ng motiff namin, gusto ni MIL may mga kulay na ewan ko bakit nya naiisip idagdag sa motiff ng bigla bigla. Ang nangyari hindi nasunod lahat ng plano ko, at napalaki ang gasto namin kasi hindi kasama sa package na kinuha ko yong gusto ni MIL. May mga pinagbigyan naman ako sa gusto nya para naman walang masabi, pero yon na nga napagastos naman kami...

[sparklingjewel]

It's a relief to know I'm not alone and we all have our share of challenges of dealing with other people (and just suppliers)!

I never really had a big issue with my future in-laws since they allowed me and fiance to decide on the wedding we want, although nung start naghanap pa yan ng venues for us and pencil-booked us with Manila Pen and Makati Shang without us knowing hehe. But when they were told we booked our own venue na in Tagaytay wala na sila nagawa and we proceeded to plan every detail on our own from there. Wala ring epal friends because they all know im prolly more OC than them hehe.

What I'm having trouble with recently is maarte relatives. Not sure what to call them. Pero relatives who know they are your closest on that side and have the means to go naman pero parang tinatamad kasi nalalayuan. Ang reaction pa is, "paano if her wedding was in HK, then i have to go there too?" Tagaytay lang po ang wedding ko, which, you loved going to in the many many times we went there together on weekends. I had no idea you found it so faraway now. Tapos yung pagkasabi pa sakin ng anak nya was "...so it is for you to understand". Oo, i understand, but it also a bit annoying how you said it that way.

Anyway--since relatives sila i have to technically invite them parin pero sa count ko i already tagged them as not going. I didn't know i had relatives like this na parang hindi supportive kahit once in a lifetime to see your wedding. Yung mga anak lang nila pupunta tapos nagrerequest pa ng prime accommodation, gusto kung nasa ako e di na kasya. I offered her a free room (tab on me) instead na mas malayo. Pinagiisipan pa nya if kukunin nya based on the amenities & activities there (wow, sarili lang talaga iniisip--im not sure if she's actually going for the wedding or to have a fun weekend).

That said-- this will open up the opportunity for us to accomodate more people who actually want to go and will make the effort to go for us. Madami pa naman kaming Tier 2 guests to invite.

[msGlobalista]

Future MOTHER IN LAW! I'm not quite bless with my in laws because maybe Filipino-Chinese? And she wanted you know same race to be married sa only son niya. Their family isn't cooperating. That is really sad.

[sparklingjewel]

Future MOTHER IN LAW! I'm not quite bless with my in laws because maybe Filipino-Chinese? And she wanted you know same race to be married sa only son niya. Their family isn't cooperating. That is really sad.

Aww thats sad sis. As in they want ba the wedding their way instead of yours?

[belle_v2g]

^true. my cousin married a chinese. the family didn't like my cousin, of course, dahil pinoy. so ending, they did not attend. parang heart-chiz lang, bride's sisters came but not the parents.. this is in 2009 pa. but they've seen how hardworking my cousin is, kaya love na nila sya ngayon eventually. (Maybe dahil nag settle abroad and their daughter had a good life? Dunno.)

[sparklingjewel]

Though there's a lot of open minded families naman so I hope your future in laws can also compromise like that.
Di rin naman the bride alone always gets everything she wants. Balance is key.

True that mas madami na nakakaget away with it ngayon than before. Before as in when i was in hs, my kabarkada had to have her prom date chosen by her parents (kasi in case magkatulayan, ganyan). The guy chosen was 1st honor, coming from a good, rich family, gwapo, athletic, exclusive chinese school of course, etc. He had to turn down 7 other girls who asked him to prom because of my friend's mom. Lolz. These days, she is free to date who she wants. Lumuwag na parents. Her older brothers are still single at 30+ kasi walang mahanap na approve ang parents. Same with my other friend, sinesetup padin sya the traditional chinese way pero she can choose to date whoever na if she wanted to since 27 na and wala padin bf. Dami nang 30-40 ngayon na single pa dahil sa sobrang mapili ang parents, hindi sila. Kakaawa but true. But times are changing and it's encouraging.

[Purple_Power]

May narinig na akong story na ganyan yung sister ata nung nai tutor ng Mom ko, lumayas raw kasi because of that tradition and fixed marriage.