New relationship dilemma...need some thoughts

[romantico]

Hi everyone. I decided to post my dilemma on this forum hoping to get sensible thoughts since a lot of forumers here are women. I would try to keep it as short as possible but please pardon me should it become a novel. I cannot remember what it's like few weeks/months when i had my first girlfriend when I was in college but I feel that there's something wrong with my current (new) relationship and it is really bothering me to no end.

A little background...

I'm in a new relationship of barely a month. My girlfriend is in her early 20s and NBSB while I'm in late 30s and we have a 16 year age gap. We dated for 4 months before we have a relationship. The courtship was not very typical for me because, I never really felt she was into me during the courtship stage or even few weeks or days before she said yes. Although she had told me I'm special to her and that she likes me, her actions usually speaks otherwise. During the courtship stage, she said she told her parents a lot about me but they didn't object about the age gap. Few weeks before she said yes, her dad asked her if she's sure about me already since we were dating a long time already and if she had thought about her plans in life and mine since we had a huge gap. She realized she hadn't really thought about it and suddenly ask for some time for herself until I found out what's bothering her so I explained some things to her especially regarding our age gap. I was glad it turn out ok because I thought I had lose her.

Now that we are in a relationship...things that have improve were, it no longer takes an hour to reply to my text messages unlike when I was still courting her. We would see each other every week unlike during courting stage when it is every other week. By the way, her work is not toxic and she only get to work 5 days a week and no work during holidays.

I thought things (basic things) are going to go smoothly once we are in a relationship but sadly it wasn't the case. I was wondering if these things I'm experiencing right now are normal:

- I always thought that when you're new in a relationship, the couple would be excited to see each other often especially that she's NBSB but recently, since I asked her for any comments/suggestions/questions regarding our relationship so far, she said we should still have individuality meaning she can still go out with her friends and vice versa (I have never asked her not to) and not be always available to each other. I was stunned by what she said and so I told her when you like/love a person, you would always want to see them and would actually make/find time to be with them especially we are already in a relationship and not in a courting stage anymore.

- She asked if it's necessary for us to see each other every week. Again, I got confused. I told her I believed every couple would want to see each other often especially in a new relationship (she said she heard about it too) except her. She said maybe because she's still adjusting to a new relationship and also got used to being alone and independent. I hope that's the case and not some people from her side trying to discourage her from seeing me for some unknown reason. I told her going out and communication are the most basic things in a relationship especially a new one so I don't see the point and quite confused why it needs to have a limit.

- There's one time I asked her out 2nd time during the week but she turned it down saying we just saw each other few days ago.

- During courtship stage, she never allowed me to pick her up at work and drive her home even when I know that it's part of courtship. But when she finally agreed that I could pick her up anytime, I got excited. I even told her that I would text her in the morning if I will be picking her up. The 1st time was ok and I looked forward to doing it more often. The 2nd time things got weird. I texted her in the morning to inform her that I'd be picking her up after work. I even texted her that I'm on my way already. I waited for her for more than an hour at her work when she finally texted that she was surprised that I'm already there. I told her that I had informed her during the morning (she received the text). She said she was supposed to have merienda with her colleagues so I told her to go and I'll just wait for her. She just finished the meeting but didn't have that merienda anymore so I just drove her home. I thought she was ok but I was surprised that she's not ok with it but not upset either. She said "ok rin kasi sila kasama kumain e" so I got upset but tried not to show it and told her "mga colleagues mo nakakasama mo every day and every minute of the day samantala tayo once a week lang at kapag sinwerte ay twice. So kung di ka nakasama, marami pang next time. Tsaka I told you to go naman at wait kita and I also informed you that I'll be picking you up". Eventually, naliwanagan siya and said ok na siya but for me I'm still saddened. After I drove her home she texted that she's glad to unexpectedly see me and apologized for being no reaction because "nabigla ako at biglang napaisip na ganto pala pag may bf".

- I told her siya na talaga gusto ko in this lifetime and I would do everything to make it work but she looked kinda got worried and said, "di ko alam ano isasagot ko, feeling ko kasi malayo pa mararating ng future ko" I told her I'm not going to rush her into marriage as promised unless she's ready in the distant future and she just nodded. Rushing to get married was her dilemma before so I told her I would like to marry her some day but I will not be rushing her since I'd like to enjoy and nurture the relationship and eventually when she's ready then I would want to marry her. I have assured her I'm not going to be a hindrance to her endeavors as we will support each other but what she said felt like she's uncertain about me which I think is kinda weird.

- After her dad heard of our relationship, he talked to her for a long time and mostly giving advice. She said her dad asked her if she already thought about, in 10 years this is what your boyfriend is and in 10 years this is what you are, which I'm assumed is about physical appearance. I was surprised at her answer because she said, she doesn't want to worry about the future but would instead live and enjoy the present. But for me, I feel like she's not sure about me as if she only said yes just to have a boyfriend.

- She haven't let her aunts know about it but one time her dad was teasing her that she better let them know to get some opinion. I got upset and asked her why need her aunt's opinion when her parents didn't object about our relationship. She just said "wala lang..para ipaalam na sa kanila". It made me feel like what her aunt would say might be the deal breaker.

- She haven't change her FB status to in-a-relationship yet because she asked for time. She said she needed time because she would get overwhelmed from those who would asked her about it especially relatives.

These are what's happening right now in my barely a month relationship. I do not know if it's normal or not. I do not know if it's immaturity or our age gap bothers her or what other people would say about age gap bothers her. I'm really worried about what's going on and I can't help but be paranoid about it at times because I don't want to lose her. I usually end up explaining a lot of things to her but I'm happy because naliliwanagan siya but sometimes it doesn't last long. I don't know what's really bothering her even if I encouraged her to be open to me about things that are bothering her because I wouldn't get tired of explaining.

I met her parents already(and vice versa) when I picked her up at home. Her mom was kinda ecstatic/excited while telling me "ingatan mo anak ko ah", "naku ingatan mo siya kasi iniingatan namin yan" and "kaming mga magulang tiwala lang" so I assured her that I would take good care of her only daughter. One time when I drive her home, her mom asked me if I take good care of her daughter and I assured her that I will always do because her daughter is special to me.

I'm trying everything I can to make this relationship work but so far I'm sad because the most basic things about a relationship - seeing each other, is being compromised and she seem not excited to see me often. I'm really worried that one day she might drop me like a hot potato.

By the way, I have been honest about everything about me including my age during the courtship stage. I thought I lost her already after the 1st date because she asked for my age and was really surprised that I'm in my late 30s already (since I don't look my age) but I got 2nd date and so on until we finally got into the relationship. So I thinks it's kinda unfair if she's having 2nd thoughts about me because of my age when it's already laid out from the start and she has a choice then.

What do you guys think? Is this normal in a relationship especially for a girl who's NBSB? What should I do? I have talked to her about these but the problem is, I was driving her home while I'm explaining things to her so I couldn't look at her so I planned to raised these concern again. Would it be better to talk to her in person or just write her a letter about it?

On a lighter side of things, is celebrating the 1st monthsary still being practiced? I only plan to celebrate the 1st month with dinner and flowers but not every month then next would be the 1st year anniversary if ever we would reach it.

Any thoughts and advice will be appreciated.

[aquacharly]

Her being NBSB is not the reason for her lack of eagerness to see you; actually, her general lack of interest in you (that's the impression you gave me).   See, some things do not require previous experience, it just spontaneously comes out of us. 

You're right -- when you love somebody, que:  BF mo yan, BF ng iba, does not know of your existence -- heck, you'd jump at every chance to see that "beloved".
Her job isn't demanding, her parents pose no objection to your relationship --  hwag mo ko sagasaan, but IMO, if she has a pet dog, mas eager sya to see her pet at day's end than to see you.

Let me share a "little love" story with you. 
Behind his back, everybody called him "Old Faithful". Our age gap was over 10 years. What can I say, but I like older men --  they spoil you.  Really. 
My 1st BF was nearer my age & tired out my teen heart. I had too many parental restrictions while he freely socialized.  I just found it too tiring, to maintain that relationship, & that time, there was  too much on my plate I couldn't yet master.   Oh, but ROMANTICO - I recall how excited I was anticipating spending time with this not-the-right-time-in-our-lives BF.   Well, anyway...
 
So, I chose "Old a Faithful" next.  I had no hesitance showing him my petulance, moodiness, lack of eagerness to be around.  I was that confident he'd come running if I snapped my fingers; & he'd ask "How high" if I asked him to jump.  Why choose him then? Wala na bang iba? Oh, maraming iba. But IMO, he was the one who required the Least Effort on my part. Plus, he sure was the most dedicated in pursuing me. Even when I'd snub him, or ignore him while he was courting me --  sige, shoulder on pa rin sa panliligaw sa bratty me.  It wasn't that he was uninteresting.  He was what the majority would label: A Very Good Catch.  But well, sige, good catch ka -- sobrang patient ka with me, sige sobrang easy ka for me to handle, sige BF kita. But haaaayyyyy, The Spark just wasn't there.

And when he demanded more of my time, I begrudged it. "Istorbo naman ito" -- -- even if all that was on my plate for the day was a mani-pedi. 
And when he wanted to be part of my other social circles, I sure balked. As in:  I don't want to be seen with you always holding my hand, nor have your arm on my shoulder. Yuck.  I didn't appreciate what I perceived as his neediness. 

For all his loving behavior towards me, I found him more often than not -- irritating.  Kaya lang, he gave me no heartaches & he was always good to me (considerate, caring, etc etc). And all na deemed him A Very Good Catch.   So, for a short while I thought life was best that way: no waves. 

Pero yon nga:  No Spark. Hahaha.  I often went socializing without him, subconsciously anticipating to find The Spark.
When he gently demanded to go socializing with me, since he was my BF, I'd keep my social calendar secret, or lie. Basta, I just wanted to leave him "at home" - figuratively speaking.

So when The Spark  occurred, I just gave in to it. I dumped "Old Faithful" in a very very quick heartbeat, and willingly gave in to the thrills of courtship, the excitement of falling in love -- yung kagagahan naming mga girls na sige, just fall in love.  That big bonfire of falling in love that even parents can't stop... That being so-dizzyadelicious-in-love! that requires no previous experience.  It's a great journey, no matter how it ends... Kaya nga some of us get consumed by it; and do really stupid things to ourselves. Hahaha.

So there. The Spark sure became a huge bonfire; and, here I am married to him.
As for " Old Faithful"... Honestly, Who Cares? I don't. He was/is old enough to take care of himself. 

I am just making cuento my experience. I am not saying you are similar to "Old Faithful".
So, since you are just new in this relationship na pinagtiyagaan mo to get, & you come across to me as a person with a reservoir of patience & understanding, then: Hang On.  She may just realize  1 day that you're God's gift to her, and treat you accordingly.
Or, she may realize you're just not The One, that there's just No Spark --  and break your heart.

It's not your fault, "it's not you" --  that there are girls like I once was who want more, who won't settle for "Perfect, except that there's No Spark there".

Good luck.

[mooncake and leaves]

i hate to say it but for a lot of girls especially girls her age or younger, the first boyfriend is typically the practice boyfriend. it also doesn't help that she just had her first taste of freedom and she's at that point in her life where she craves experiences and self-discovery more than building a long-term relationship. but what's really hurting you guys is she doesn't seem to be that in love with you. sorry. for the relationship you want, you need to be with someone who's on the same page.

[lisse]

Sorry bro, but I think it's plain and simple: she's just not that into you. My basis? I was once her. And for the sake of having a BF, plunged into one with a much older guy who is so into me: lagi akong sinusuyo, spoiler (the nice one), lagi akong pinagpapasensyahan. ang sarap sa pakiramdam, but like sis aquacharly, no spark. (i know, it's bad what i did, and believe me pinagbayaran ko yun)

anyway, so that relationship lasted for 8 months. pero tama yung isang sis natin dito na kadalasan, most ha, not all mind you, the first BF is the practice one. or pampuno sa kilig factor. or para hindi out of place when the group goes somewhere and partner-partner na. kahit naman sabihin natin na immature pa siya, if she really really likes you (like nga lang ha, not even love), you will never feel like you have to beg just to see her or spend time with her. she will also prefer to spend more time with you than mere officemates.

but then, I only know her based on what you said about her on this thread. I really don't know her personality talaga, maybe not even you. sometimes, we just have to accept the fact that something isn't happening the way we want them to be not because of something we did or didnt do, or say or didnt say, but because it's not just meant to be. magkaiba kayo ng byahe, bro. there's nothing wrong with you/what you're doing. but even that doesn't mean that it's enough for her to be the "proper GF" for you.

[freeswan]

i love sis aquacharly's reply. lahat yata ng gusto kong sabihin eh nasabi na niya. ako kasi, when I fall in love, ga**-gagahan.
When I was young, I'll ditch my friends just to be with him. Now, ditch na lang some of the work, hahaha! pero when a woman is really in love,
it's hard for her to say No. and as per the messages, we always check your messages in the morning. or even when we need to rest our phones, the moment we ought to get hold of them,
unang hanap namin is messages ng guys. and automatic reply yan kaagad. sorry Romantico, but you deserve someone better. If you can find another NBSB girl that's truly in love with you,
you would know that she really is in love with you. Goodluck!

[chedz.03]

I was a NBSB when i met my husband and i was 18 at that time. Pero I can say na feeling ko naiba ang focus ko that time at sa kanya na nabaling lahat. Pag gising sa umaga at bago ako matulog gusto ko message nya ang una ko mababasa. Laging excited to see him kahit twice a week lang since his work was far from our area. pag sinuwerte na masusundo nya ako sa school feeling ko ang ganda ganda ko at matatapakan ang hair ko sa haba.hahaha. kahit every thing was new to me at that time and there was fear pero at the same time nandun yung excitement at happiness of having my very first bf. Ang tagal din bago mawala yung pagka mahiyain ko pag kasama ko sya pero kahit ganun wala ako hinahantay kundi yung weekend kasi magkikita kami.

Based on your story, i can say that she's not really ready for you not because it's her first relationship but the love is not enough or baka wala nga (sorry to say) at ang spark nga na tinatawag eh wala din.

[sistah!]

she's not that into you. it's a tough life, man, but it happens.

let me tell you though, my husband now, when he and I started dating, well, he was like "old faithful". he is close to my age, spoils me and is kind to the highest level. this guy has biblical patience ha. I treated him rather badly because I just wasn't into him. I really thought (ang sama ko talaga), I will date him for a while until someone better comes along.of course, I could not sustain it like that so eventually, I broke up with him na lang. pero he really persevered to get back together with me. im not saying a great catch. im ordinary. but I prayed for my heart immensely and the time away from him actually helped. believe me, when I saw him again, wala na! the spark was there. more than that, actually. it was a blaze. and I couldn't get enough of him.

what's my point? she's not into you, bro. so let her be. if you really want her, maybe down the line, pwede pa. pag Makita na nya yung value mo. pero don't get your hopes up. marami pang babae sa mundo.

[simang]

Hmm to answer your question, no. It's not normal for an nbsb girl to act that way sa first bf nya (though i believe being nbsb warrant otherwise).

I guess i have to agree with most of the replies here. she might not be that into you.

Here's something to think about though: put yourself in her shoes. Imagine a girl, talking to you about marriage, giving you all her time and attention, picking you up from work, and always complaining 'how you never see/ talk to each other anymore'. Hindi ba magsstep back ka din? I guess your gf is not the only problem here, but how you respond to her as well. The more na nagiging aloof sya sayo, the more na pinapakita mong nandyan ka to be with him. I know it's supposed to be a bf duty, but if it's too much, it's just not fun anymore.

Why not try to take aback a little? Revise your routine. Wag mo muna sya sunduin, or at least dont open any issues muna to her. Girls like to he pursued, that's for sure, but kung ako and i felt that something has changed with my guy, i'd think i have to step up my game to keep him.

I'm not putting the blame on you. This is just another perspective from a girl. Kase ako honestly even of i have a guy with me, i'd still want to be independent and not get lost in the relationship. I show my guy that i have many things going on in my life aside from being with him.

[momentum]

ang buhay nag naman oh..mapaglaro

a good guy napupunta sa tao na underserving..and vice versa
hays kelan ba magtatagpo and good catch guy sa good catch girl?? hehe

anyway TS..tama lahat ng sinabi nila dito..pls observe nalang and you will see..if important ba talaga ikaw sa kanya or not...I hope wag mo na patagalin if you see na walang future sa inyong dalawa..sayang, but what can you do? love cannot be forced..

[amethyst028]

agree ako sa mga sis dito. baka nga nag bf siya for the sake of having one. i had my first bf when i was 22, sinagot ko siya kasi lahat ng friends ko in a relationship na and wala nako mahatak lumabas.

but i'm not like your gf na parang ayaw mag adjust sa buhay may bf. ako naman non kahit first bf ko siya i made sure na we go out once a week. kahit officemates na kame ha. and bakit ayaw niya palitan yung relationship status? kahit na madaming tanong e di sagutin niya. mukhang masyado siyang concern sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. and hindi ba siya proud sayo?

anyway, one month pa lang naman kayo. give her time to adjust. don't force the relationship too much. let her gradually ease into it hindi yung parang pinipilit mo siya gawin yung mga bagay. let her be for now or try to meet her halfway. tell her na give and take kayo. baka nga hindi ka pa niya ganon kamahal at this point but she will get there. kame naman mga girls madali kame ma develop lalo na pag mabait yung guy at patient. eventually she will appreciate all your efforts. just hang in there.

kung sa tingin mo siya na talaga ang gusto mo and kaya mo pa naman mag tiis, then be patient with her. siya yung napili mo e, learn to stick with it. wala naman taong perfect. lahat naman may kanya kanyang topak.

[pret_ty68]

She's young so maybe she thinks that there are lot in store for her than being in a relationship with you. She may like you, but not enough to make you a priority. I cannot say that she is just testing you since you are past the courtship stage.  Maybe she is taking you for granted because she feels that you will always be there for her no matter what. Maybe you are too predictable and boring.

Why don't you give her time to miss you, maybe that time will make her realize your worth. Sometimes people realize the worth of someone/ something when they are about to lose it. 
For about a week stop all the communication, if she does not want to lose you she will communicate. If she does not, still give her the benefit of the doubt and communicate with her and see if something changes. If she positively change her attitude towards you then good for you, if she does not at least you know where you stand. But If you really love her then persevere in the end something like this might happen.

she's not that into you. it's a tough life, man, but it happens.

let me tell you though, my husband now, when he and I started dating, well, he was like "old faithful". he is close to my age, spoils me and is kind to the highest level. this guy has biblical patience ha. I treated him rather badly because I just wasn't into him. I really thought (ang sama ko talaga), I will date him for a while until someone better comes along.of course, I could not sustain it like that so eventually, I broke up with him na lang. pero he really persevered to get back together with me. im not saying a great catch. im ordinary. but I prayed for my heart immensely and the time away from him actually helped. believe me, when I saw him again, wala na! the spark was there. more than that, actually. it was a blaze. and I couldn't get enough of him.

If it does not happen, at least you experienced loving with all your heart.

[Girltalker2]

- I told her siya na talaga gusto ko in this lifetime and I would do everything to make it work but she looked kinda got worried and said, "di ko alam ano isasagot ko, feeling ko kasi malayo pa mararating ng future ko" I told her I'm not going to rush her into marriage as promised unless she's ready in the distant future and she just nodded. Rushing to get married was her dilemma before so I told her I would like to marry her some day but I will not be rushing her since I'd like to enjoy and nurture the relationship and eventually when she's ready then I would want to marry her. I have assured her I'm not going to be a hindrance to her endeavors as we will support each other but what she said felt like she's uncertain about me which I think is kinda weird.

TS, are you sure you really want her to be your partner in life?  Baka wala pa kayong one year, maghanap ka na ng iba. Because the way things are going, magkaiba kayo ng ugali, hindi kayo compatible, so how can you think that having a relationship that does not make you happy/satisfied, but just makes you excited all the time (and let down later) will last?   

Before ka manligaw, you have to make sure of the PERSONALITY, your COMPATIBILITY, LIKES/DISLIKES.  Hindi lang purkit kinilig ka once, gusto mo na maging GF.  Remember once you commit to marriage, lifetime iyan, lalo pa sa Pinas. Ang question nga lang kung gusto mo na maging lifetime of happiness or lifetime na pagdurusa ang marriage mo.  Kaya be wise, marry right.

[caterpillar-girl]

Maybe you need to back off a little. You obviously have very strong feelings for her, and she doesn't know what to do with them. She is most definitely not ready for marriage, and even if you repeatedly assure her you're not rushing her, it's still there in the open, and it's still something that she now feels she has to mull over, when it's obviously the last thing she wants to do. Your feelings and your excessive attention are probably overwhelming her right now, which is why she doesn't seem to be reciprocating your feelings as much. I'm sure she likes you, because you're nice to her, and you seem to be a decent enough guy, BUT that's as far as it goes. Right now, at least.

I think it boils down to two things: you either stick this out with her and be extra patient, loosen up on the adoration a bit, and wait until she comes around. OR you just find someone else who is on the same stage in life as you are.  I would suggest just taking the second choice, because at this stage in your life, you don't need to deal with stuff like always second guessing her and your relationship, worrying what her aunt might say, worrying about whether or not she's changed her Facebook status (?!), etc etc. If you were younger, maybe. But when we're older, we ought to be able to tell ourselves, you know what, at my age, I shouldn't be worrying about or dealing with these sorts of things anymore.

And please ditch the letter writing idea. Talk to her, as one adult to another.

Good luck!

[miss_isla]

There's nothing wrong with the age gap or her being NBSB. I guess the issue is the differences in your values and priorities. You're already thinking about the future while she's still enjoying the present.

I agree that there are things that normal couples do, like seeing each other, texting and calling each other all the time. But she could be the type of girl who's got her own, who wouldn't adjust her life, her schedule, her priorities for a guy. If you insist on the "seeing each other often", she may see that as an obligation instead of something that she enjoys.

Yes, you have been open and honest with her about everything, you may have told her all the things the you needed to say and what you feel about the situation. I guess ask her what her expectations are being in a relationship, see if they match yours, talk and compromise.

Yes, you may see your future with her, and if you're in love, i wouldn't blame you. But if she doesn't make you feel good about yourself anymore, then you should probably give her some time. Yeah, like what catterpillar-girl said, you seem to be a decent guy, don't worry about this too much. 

[Tsinsey]

It's clear that you do not have the same priorities and she is not really that in to you.

[baliwsayo]

When a girl is in love, her focus is usually on the guy only.. as in baliw baliwan. I myself is a smart and strong woman but when I'm in love, I tend to act stupid and be clingy on my guy.

I suggest magpa-miss ka naman. You know us girls, just like you guys, gusto rin namin ng challenge. Pag walang challenge, boring. Pag may challenge, sakit naman sa ulo. Ewan, magulo talaga ang mundo. Lol! 

[romantico]

Thank you all for giving your time and comment/advice regarding my dilemma. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry that it took me just now to response since I can't reply due to my probation status before.

We are more than two months into the relationship already but still she's not that into me yet nor treating me like a BF. I also found out about the problem...she admitted to me that she has issue regarding my age because every time she would tell someone about my age they would say "haa?! bakit ganon?!" and also she mentioned that "baka pag nagretire ka na ay gusto ko pa mag explore sa mundo" or "baka kaw mauna magkasakit" and things like that. Kaya lately, I can't help but worry because not only she, herself, has a problem with my age but she also shows it from the way she's treating me hence I always get worry that one day she might just decide to leave me because of these issues.

She even told me "kapag magkasing age tayo siguro kahit sunduin mo ako everyday ay ok lang"...OUCH! I guess kinakahiya niya talaga ako. I had a heart to heart talk with her already and I told her how I truly feel so she could see what she's doing to me from my side. I told her everything like she's not naive at love, she's a sweet and malambing, she always play innocent, and etc. I even told her that sometimes I don't know if she's trying to tell me something so I asked her that if ever the time comes na ayawan niya ako, better to tell me straight than kill me slowly because it's inhumane.

I really got hurt during our conversation because she should have evaluated her concerns during courtship and not now. I have been honest about my age from the very beginning, in fact during the 1st date. She had more than enough time to think about it. I was also hurt that dahil lang sa age kaya she's treating me differently. I was hoping to see some effort from her while she worked on her issue at wag ako pagbalingan o pagbuntungan pero di ko talaga nafefeel na special ako. She even acknowledged that she's aware that she's not treating me like a bf because of the issue.

I don't know where this will lead to but I'm hoping for the best. She promised to do something about it. I don't know if her parents have issues about my age but I feel they have none. Her mom asked to have a first formal meeting with me not long ago and she asked things like what's my plan for her daughter, things that concerns parents and asked me if I'm financially capable anytime kung sakaling magpakasal kami and I don't see that she objects our relationship. I even took the opportunity to tell her na seryoso ako sa daughter niya and she need not worry and etc.

Recently, pumayag siya palitan profile pic niya ng picture namin together and she changed her status already and maganda naman response/comment ng mga friends niya. She acknowledged that I'm her bf. Also, she invited me to her workplace to meet and mingle with her colleagues sa work. So for me those are positive gestures pero I don't know if it will last because until now hindi ko pa nafefeel that she's into me or treating me like a BF. I'm really hoping and praying that she would come around.

[budzwhiz]

and also she mentioned that "baka pag nagretire ka na ay gusto ko pa mag explore sa mundo" or "baka kaw mauna magkasakit" and things like that.

Move on. She's not the girl for you. Tama ka, ngayon palang inaacknowledge na nyang walang kasiguraduhan sa inyo, e pano pa kaya sa future? I have a friend na kapareho ng situation mo. Same age gap. She's also in her 20's palang. Si guy syempre main concern nya talaga yung age gap nila. He'd always say something like, baka pag tumanda na ko maghanap ka nalang ng iba, blah blah blah. But it was nothing for the girl. Palagi nya inaassure si bf nya na kahit tumanda pa sya or maging senile, sya ang magaalaga sa kanya. Gather your courage and move on. I know it's easier said than done. Pero mas lalo ka pang masasaktan pag mas lalo mong pinatagal yan e. Goodluck.

[Girltalker2]

TS, ikaw ang nakatatanda so you should know best. Pero here are my thoughts regarding your predicament.

I think it is best for you to move on, or at least mag cool off muna kayo at makipag date ka muna sa ibang girls. Ang daming single dyan na mas mature na hindi ka ikahihiya.  Anyway, here are some good reasons why you should not pursue your relationship with your GF.

1. Mukhang nagsasayang ka lang ng oras at moolah. 
If this relationship does not work out at pinatagal mo pa, you are just wasting your time. Sa GF mo, ok lang kasi bata pa sya.  Ikaw, hassle kaya maghanap ulit etc tapos mag antay ka na naman, and it seems gusto mo narin nga magsettle down in the near future.

2.  Pagsettle down.  Your GF is also not ready.  So dito palang, sabit na ang relationship nyo.  Hindi swak ang medium and long term goals nyo.

3. Your GF is a bit childish.  And this should not be the girl any man would want to be with (or guy for that matter), where yung partner mo hindi ka kaya ipaglaban sa iba tapos ikinahihiya ka. You should let her grow up first before she can have the right attitude towards a relationship.  Kahit man maipilit mo magpakasal sa kanya, you yourself won't be comfortable and would end up frustrated.

I am surprised that you want to marry her, kasi if you do, para kang naghanap ng bato na ipokpok mo sa ulo mo. 

4.  If you leave her, explain to her na gusto mo lang mag cool off kasi hindi mo nararamdaman na mahal ka nya.  Kung wala ka sa tabi nya, she will realize what she lost.  Then mas bibigyan ka nya ng importance.  Kaso kung balewala sa kanya, alam mo na, na hindi ka nya mahal to begin with.  Gugustuhin mo ba maikasal sa isang tao hindi ka mahal?

 

[j_in_tokyo]

So i guess ang issue ng girl is yung age gap nyo,
yun ang naghohold back sa kanya to give you her all.
Although sa umpisa pa lang alam nya na yung gap yet
she is still not sure if it is okay with her.
bata pa sya and konti pa lang yung karanasan nya sa buhay..
Di mo rin naman sya masisisi kung ganun yung POV nya about age matters.

Siguro ang mabuti mo na lang gawin medyo mag lie low ka muna sa kanya,
try mong magpamiss..baka makatulong yun para marealize nya yung importance mo sa life nya.
If di ka nya mamiss then I guess she is really not meant for you..

balitaan mo kami! :-)