How to enjoy your 20's if you still have strict parents?

[zarazan]

Mukha akong teenager na gusto magpakawala, pero I'm 23 years old, working, have a boyfriend and still has STRICT parents who has 9pm curfew on weekdays and 11:00 on weekends.

My parents doesnt like the idea of drinking and masyadong ginagabi.  Back in college nung wala pa ako boyfriend, they would allow me naman to do sleepovers tas ayun, dun ako nakakalabas with my friends. Parties and such.  Pero ngayon na working na, medyo mas naging strict??!! Weird ba, or baka kasi, san ka pa nga naman pupunta afer work diba? Tas they still get mad pag sunod sunod yung alis ko.

Ang childish ba ng problema pero nakakainggit lang yung mga taong who can do party night outs. Siguro nammiss ko lang din yung college life ko kasi I get to do that by just saying na its a sleepover. But now, with boyfriend and all, medyo mahirap na ipa-alam ang "sleepover" na yan. So I usually go home before midnight and my friends can stay later. Andun pa sila nageenjoy, ako pauwi na.  Nakakalungkot.

Anyone who are in the same position? Tips and advice?

Ps. Wag na sabihin "kausapin ng maayos ang parents". We all know how stubborn kausapin ang mga magulang. Nakakasira lang ng araw.

[budzwhiz]

Sad to say, pero walang takas sa ganyan e. haha. Pareho lang tayo ng situation, sis. And I mean suuuuuper strict talaga ng parents ko. They don't even know na umiinom na ako.

Siguro magagawa mo na lang talaga yung mga gusto mo once you've moved out? Pag may sarili ka nang natitiran, apartment or condo maybe? Pero as long as we stay sa kanila, their rules.

Hayy napaisip tuloy ako jan sa problema mo. Nandito lang kasi ako sa province ngayon, nagbabakasyon. And inaalok nalang nila mag business na ko dito. Mas comortable ang life dito, pero naalala ko yung dapat problemahin. At isa na dun yung freedom. haha

[ri-anne]

i used to be in that kind of situation. like you, i have strict parents. They're very conservative hehe kahit na working na ako,
 & in my 20s  mahigpit pa rin sila.

bawal mag-stay ng late sa bahay si bf...kahit na malakas pa ulan or kahit masama pakiramdam ni bf at super late na, kelangan nya unuwi (i lived @makati & bf was @laguna pa!)

Once lang ako nakapag-overnight outside the house. It was a company chrostmas outing. Pahirapan pa sa pagpaalam.

ayaw din ng mother ko telebabad sa phone with bf! Imagine ha, pag around 1hr na akong nasa phone, tinititigan na ako ng masama & she reminds me na ibaba ko na phone, even pressing the plunger to cut off the line kung hindi ako nakinig.

i suggested na magrent ako ng apartment to try to be independent, hindi sila pumayag. pwede lang daw ako umalis ng bahay pag mag-aasawa na ako.

Anyway, i was able to live independently when i was 24 kasi nagka-opportunity for me to work abroad. Then eventually got married with my bf...so now it's history.
natatawa at naaaliw na lang ako pag naaalala ko yun at napag-uusapan namin ng mom ko.

[quinone]

move out maybe? andami na ata ngayong in their 20s na nagre-rent near their workplace. unfortunately, parte ng pagiging independent ang expenses like rent & food. yung iba kasi they want it all; free food, free house, etc. tapos freedom to go anywhere, anytime.

ganyan rin parents ko noon. graduate na ako ng college ipinagpapa-alam pa ako ng mga ka-officemates ko sa parents ko na hassle talaga. tapos when i was even younger they pick me up after the party, e yang mga ganyan laging late nagsa-start so magsisismula pa lang pauwi na ako. sa ibang panahon kasi sila ipinanganak. ang alam lang nila is to keep their children safe. hindi nila alam na importante rin to raise a child in a way na maging socially & emotionally mature.

natatawa lang ako sa ibang parents na gusto nila maaga uuwi ang anak nila. hello, hindi lang sa gabi pwedeng makipag sex LOL

[summersong]

If it's freedom you want, move out. Their house, their rules. Just remember that freedom has a price.

Many parents will be happy to let their kids go and have a life of their own. They've been paying for your food, electricity, laundry, water, net, etc for decades. They are not obliged to support their adult children.

You're of age; however, being over 21 does not mean one is mature, or responsible. Prove to your folks that you are disciplined, organized, trustworthy, and principled.

Minsan ang magulang hindi mapakawalan ang anak dahil parang hindi pa responsable kumilos at magsalita o kaladkarin ng barkada. Kung pakawalan nila, baka umuwi din sa kanilang luhaan at sila din ang sasalo pag nabuntis o mag-asawa ng batugan.

[Girltalker2]

During my 20s, I pursued my MBA.  And yes I had fun.  Kasi nag-aaral ako at the same time, I had my time in the world. My parents cannot say No kasi para din naman sa kinabukasan ko. Yes limited din ang pera ko noon kasi full time student ako, kaya tinitipid ko nalang savings ko from my previous work. 

Mahirap kasi kung masyado kang sheltered in your 20s, if you are too naive, tendency is madali ka maloko ng guy. Pov ko lang naman ito.  Parents are always praying that you meet the right guy at huwag kang lokohin. Pero paano kung hindi nangyari yun?  Patay talaga.   And exactly what happened to me. When my marriage was falling apart, I simply did not know what to do. 

At the same time naman, sa totoo lang, sa panahon din naman ngayon, pag magulang ka, mag aalala ka talaga especially kung ginagabi lagi ng uwi ang anak mo. Masamang bisyo ang paninigarilyo at pag inom. So ano bang ginagawa pag gumigimik?  Minsan isama mo kaya sila nang mapanatag loob nila.  Kapag may dalaga ako living in Maynila, I would be worried to death din sino sino ang mam-meet nya. 

A balance of both sana is ideal.  To show your parents that you are a responsible adult in your 20s who knows her  limits and boundaries.  But at the same time willing to explore and have fun in her 20s.  Sana lang hindi maging delikado lumabas labas pag gabi, but that's not the situation kasi.

[quinone]

^bakit may feeling ako na yung ibang parents kasi it's not that they find their kids not responsible enough yet, pero they are just simply being overprotective.

hindi ko alam kung saan ko nabasa ito, kung dito sa forums na ito o sa kabila...sabi doon nung isang parent, dapat talaga you pray for your children, kasi you cannot be with/monitor them 24/7. i think isa ito sa mga best things na pwede ituro ng parent sa anak nila...independence.

kapag napalaki kang independent kasi may mga importanteng life skills ka ma-acquire, like what sis Girltalker2 said. chaka sa mga tao na kilala ko ha, yung mga may parents na balanced magpalaki ng anak nila, yung hindi too strict...sila yung mga confident at maganda personality, mga hindi hirap makibagay/makisama.

[donzski_doinks]

sa akin naman, nung nag-aaral ako, strict na talaga sila. pero mas naging strict sila nung nagka bf ako. as in! pag umuwi ako galing school nang past 10pm (9pm last subject ko that time) naku katakot-takot na paliwanag na dapat! and di kami makapag-date ni bf. dapat si bf ang pupunta sa bahay. kaya ang nangyayari, palihim kami nagkikita pag school days. pag may group project, bawal ang sleep over! nung naka-graduate ako at nagka-work, akala ko magiging mas maluwag na sila pero hindi. ganun pa din. di manlang ako maka-gimik.
pero nung nagkahiwalay kami ni bf at naging single ako, naging maluwag na sila. nakaka-gimik na ako with officemates at di na sila naninita pag ginagabi ako. nakapagbakasyon pa nga ako nung holy week (2011) sa bicol with my college friend. so naisip ko, kaya sila mahigpit sa akin dati kasi may bf ako. di naman siguro sila ipinanganak kahapon para di maisip kung ano yung mga pwede namin gawin ni bf kapag magkasama kaya kinailangan nila ako paghigpitan.

[dr.thereal.joy]

Ganyan talaga ata sis kasi I think na since you're earning na and with boyfriend, baka iniisip nila na baka isipin mo na pwede na magpakasal or humiwalay na. Ganyan din sa akin. I'm 25, with work, 4years (ang stable) relationship. Parents ni bf is boto (imo) sa akin to let me place my gamit sa clinic nila, they treat me as their daughter na rin.

Pero never akong nag-sleep over kina bf. Nung nastranded ako sa baha (last august lang) and had no choice but to sleep eh sa house nila galit na galit yung dad ko, nakakahiya raw kasi babae daw ako tapos dapat di nagsstay sa bahay ng lalake na di pa kasal.

I'm the only girl. Si kuya ko kahit gabi na pwedeng mag-umaga. Ako hindi. Dapat nakareport agad. Pagnagpaparty dapat tetext na kung nakadating na doon or paalis na doon. Sinu-sino ang mga kasama pati kung may mga bf/gf na kasama etc.

Nung niyaya ako ng family ni bf na sasama ako sa kanila sa Hong Kong pero di ako pinayagan kaya sa Surigao na lang kami pero matagal bago pa ako napayagan.

Nakaka-inis minsan pero naiintindihan ko naman. I told them na we really want to get married but we  are not financially stable pa so don't worry. Medyo nabawasan naman pero time to time nakulit ulit. Di ko kasama parents ko sa bahay kasi I live with my lola pero syempre nakareport si lola hehe.

[zarazan]

Aww sorry sa mga sis who have stricter parents. Pero ofcourse, laging meron na mas strict-er depende sa angle.

Sakin lang naman, I admit na I can't live on my own yet if I want to live a good life. If I move out now, magiging isang kahig isang tuka ako. Pero kasi, when can you do night outs and partying? Hindi ba sa age na to. I mean, di naman ako magpapakawala na maglalasing every night. Yung enjoy your youth lang sana kasi you're young eh. Sooner or later, pag nagsawa na sa ganito, hopefully, ayun na. Settle down and lie low na. Eh pano pag age 27 di ko pa naexperience yun? Hindi ba magiging growing frustration yun so at that age, dun mo palang ittry?

Sorry if this sound childish. Pero kasi, if you allow your child to experience more in life while they were young, later on, they yearn for experience na much mature as they grow old. Like age of 30, we're past the suppose night outs, yearn na natin magtravel, magipon.

[quinone]

although marami sa atin strict ang parents, hindi ibig sabihin na tama na ginagawa nila.

lagi naman tayong may choice, minsan labas nga lang sa comfort zone natin.

you think kapag you're in your late 20s or early 30s and not yet married/living with your parents and gusto mo mag out-of-town/country papayagan ka nga ba talaga nila?

mukhang lahat ng sumagot sa thread na ito e pinagtiisan na lang ang strict nilang parents. perhaps natanung mo na friends mo na may mga maluwag na parents? ano advice nila sayo? i agree na baka maging frustration mo yan, i hope magawan mo ng paraan.

[mooncake and leaves]

sis, yung iniimpose na curfew sa 'yo isn't really just because your parents are strict. it's because they also have a life. mahirap din on their part na napupuyat sila kakahintay na umuwi ka everytime you go out. and you can't really tell them to stop worrying about you because they can't just switch off protective parent mode whenever they feel like it. they can't help it. so kung gusto mo talaga na gumimik madalas, huwag mo isakripisyo yung peace of mind ng parents mo. kawawa sila kung masi-stress sila at magkasakit kakaisip day in day out kung asan ka na, paano ka na. you either move out or you live by their rules. you can't have it both ways.

i don't know if you'll regret not getting to party as much as you think you should in your 20s. personally, i don't. it's not really the fun things i missed out on that i regret but the missed opportunities to grow. i can't say that's how it'll pan out for you but based on your posts, if you wait until you're in your 30s to travel and save, there's a very big chance you'll regret it. baka kaya din ayaw ng parents mo na gumimik ka because they see na nagaaksaya ka ng pera.

if i were you though, i'd try to negotiate with them. yeah, it's annoying, it's awkward and they usually don't listen. but i also think the reason for that is we usually just ask for stuff. like in your case, that convo will likely go along the lines of, "parents! this is what i want. agree to this." so talagang it's an automatic no. there's nothing in it for them if they simply extend your curfew. your current curfew is already something they begrudgingly convinced themselves was acceptable. so you need to figure out a schedule that'll make all of you happier, hindi yung ikaw lang. maybe if you propose something like 7PM (or whatever time it is you get to go home straight after work) on weekdays, 10PM on most weekends and 12 or 1 only when it's absolutely necessary, they might listen. if they know that going home at midnight is not a regular thing, maybe they'll give you a pass when you really need it. maybe.

[zarazan]

Pero at what point is caring too much that you inhibit your child to do things that comes naturally at their age. Tipong, you're with friends, 11:00 wala pa sa house, itetext ka na ng "gabi asan ka na? bakit ka ginagabi. buong araw ka ng wala".   And to think I just left the house at 6pm?

And when I say, party, isang frustration lang yun. I mean, my friends who are allowed to do their own thing like travel anywhere without getting too questioned - sila yung most social people I know. Yung maurnong sila makisama, marunong sa buhay. It doesn't mean na if you party on your 20's, you're not saving or nagwawaldas ka na.   My say is, if you're 30, and you haven't experience those what is normal nung pagkabata, hindi ba yun ang iyeyearn mo as you get older.

Its just sad to think that moving out is the only option to do these things? When as a matter of fact, you graduated right on time, found a job immediately after to help with the bills, helping them around the house, don't you deserve a little freedom and trust from them? 

Kung highschool gets ko naman yung curfew curfew, rules under them. Pero once you start earning for yourself, a little freedom would be nice?

[Priceless]

^I was thinking long and hard before I decided to respond to your thread. Simply because I know where you're coming from and I understand how frustrating this situation can be, but I have also been in the shoes of someone who has imposed some rules myself.

I am not yet a parent, but a homeowner and a wife. And sometimes when I have guests that stay on for more than three days and they're out late and I'm already in bed, I get really annoyed and upset. It shows lack of respect for the owners of the house kasi nga nakaka istorbo at nakaka inconvenience sa hosts. Baka ganun din sa parents mo.

Isa pa, parents will never cease to be parents and I'd like to believe (mine definitely were) that they are strict because they are concerned about your welfare. Maybe they don't trust the company you have/keep. Maybe you haven't introduced them to your friends and they don't know them well enough na makampante sila na hindi ka mapapasama.

My dad had "my house, my rules" policy and as long as we lived in that house, we followed his rules. Which meant that we complied with curfews, called to tell them where we were and who we were with, bawal telebabad, etc. Unfortunately even if you achieved all you say you have achieved (school, work, contributing money), you still live under their roof so you need to respect the rules of the house.

I was lucky that my first job  required me to travel a lot and with that my parents slowly started to realize that I had odd hours and that they started understanding a little bit. I also talk about my job, my career aspirations and what it required for me to achieve it (traveling, expanding my portfolio, expanding my network) which meant that I was away, I had to socialize, etc. Eventually they realized na hindi lang goodtime at gimmick ang labas labas ko - at may purpose naman na mabuti, they relaxed na. That helped me as well when I eventually had an offer to work abroad - wala silang problema for me to move out and be independent.

[Priceless]

Maidagdag ko pala. Try your hardest not to play hooky, tell lies, make takas, etc. with your parents. Tandaan mo dumaan din sila sa pagka bata at alam nila kung ano anong strategy ang gagawin ng anak and perhaps they are being strict kasi very cautious lang sila sa mga naririnig nilang masasama na nangyayari sa paligid these days or maybe yun ang nakasanayan nila or natutunan nila from their own parents. Who knows. The point is, don't break their trust because that will set you back even further and  it will be hard to regain their trust.

If you do try to do things against their will, make sure you can get away with it na hindi ka mahuhuli, at nothing untoward happens as a result of it, or be able to justify and live with the repercussions of your actions. For example, if the result of your actions is enough for your parents na palayasin ka sa pamamahay nila, siguraduhin mong kakayanin mong mamuhay on your own.

Good luck!

[ococmodestatus]

Very informative.  Nakakarelate din in a way.  But always remember, kahit anong mangyari, parents mo parin sila.  You just have to get along with them and accept the way they are.  Trying to go against the flow may be an option but making it a habit is not a convenient way.  Minsan, you can still raise your concerns but always obey them no matter what.  I agree with sis mooncakes and leaves, don't take them for granted especially their peace of mind, because when the time you have their blessing, its endless happiness. 

[Prunella]

My parents were strict too when I was younger. I moved out.

[Annie M.]

My parents were strict too when I was younger. I moved out.

I can relate with you, sis. Moving out when I was in my 20's and becoming independent was the best thing I ever did not just for myself, but for my parents, too. This way, hindi na kami nag-aaway. I visit home every weekend and mas masaya na -- they miss me and I miss them, so no time for away-away. And I get to do whatever I want -- if I want to come home late, etc., wala nang sasaway sa akin. Kahit medyo mahal mamuhay mag-isa, it's really necessary, especially in our culture na minsan sobrang sheltered ang mga anak to the point of lifelong dependence.

You won't get to know yourself if you continue to be controlled by your parents. So if you can afford it, move out.

[zarazan]

To sis Annie M and Prunella, ask ko lang at what age did you guys move out?  I admit to being sheltered as well. 

Realistically, I admit that I can't afford to move out. Pero eto talaga gusto ko pag-ipunan.  Also, do you consider yourself as "well off"? Do you literally paid for everything kung san kayo nagsstay right now? Like all on you na?

[Annie M.]

Hi, Zarazan!
I moved out at 23 yata... oo mga ganun nga. (I'm almost 30 now so ang tagal na).

No, I'm not well off and my family isn't, either. But I guess I got a stable job right away, luckily, and I also took jobs on the side writing for magazines and websites.

At first, I rented lang muna with a roommate near my office. It was a small apartment but I had my own room, pero shared toilet/shower. At that time I paid P7k a month as share sa rent, plus half of the electricity bills, etc. Siguro mga 9k lahat-lahat napunta sa housing expenses.

Then around 27 ako when I finally had enough savings for downpayment for a condo, and umabot na rin yung sweldo ko plus my sideline income sa threshold na pwedeng ma-approve for a condo loan from the bank. So now I live in my own little studio.

Medyo mahal talagang mabuhay mag-isa, sis, pero for me totally worth it. Ang amortization ko ngayon 15k monthly, so medyo tipid-tipid ako sa clothes, shoes, etc. Di rin ako masyadong mahilig kumain sa labas; but now I have my own tiny kitchen so I am learning how to cook and just invite friends over. Kuryente ko is 1k lang (air con sa gabi and during weekends -- I'm in the office naman all day during weekdays). Wala akong cable, so I just watch shows online/download. Yung pwedeng tipirin, I try to save.

If you are still in your early 20's and are willing to rent, siguro you need mga 50k to be able to move out, find a roomate, pay advanced rent deposit, etc. And of course you need a stable job. From there, you can adjust your expenses na. Believe me, mapapag-kasya mo yan somehow.