HUSBAND issues that haunts me...

[1choi_ko9]

Hi... ang tagal na nung last ko na post dito sa girltalk.

Anyway, this time issue naman sa asawa ko. Lately kase napapadalas diskusyon namin. Mag 8 years na kami married with 2 kids. And pansin ko lang talaga ever since na kinasal kami napapadalas na yung mga pagtatago nya sakin ng mga bagay bagay.

1. Early years namin, madalas namin pag awayan yung cellphone nya and yung mga minimemessage nya sa friendster. Take note buntis ako sa eldest ata namin yon nahuli ko sa friendster messages na may minessage sya na something like "Hi, you're so sexy like___" (i forgot the name). Then may mga iba pa sya messages sa ibat ibang babae, hi and hello lang naman, pero may conversation na sila kase sumasagot na rin yung mga babae.

Nung nahuli ko sya don sorry sya at hindi na raw nya uulitin.

2. Since isa sa pinag aawan namin CP nya dati, naka lock palagi CP nya palaging may password.  hindi ko alam siguro nga napraning ako pano kase sa mga past issue na di ko malimutan...i know mali yon. But I really can;t help it I know hindi ako magiging ganto if only he isnt like this. May trust ako sa kanya kung wala akong nafifeel. Kaso talagang prone sya sa mga ganon bagay na pwede ako mag doubt. 

3. Sa work nya before nag karon ng issue sa isa nya ka officemate. Yung college friend ko dun din work. Sinabihan nya ako noon na may ka officemate asawa ko na notorious sa pagiging flirt at may kakayahan talaga. Ako naging wary ako to be honest pero wala akong malisya sa sinuman na officemates nya dahil wala pa ako that time nafifeel. ALthough nagkkwento sya sakin na may officemate sya na nagsasabi daw ng love problems sakanya.

Kaso one time, tumawag mom ko sakin at sinabi sakin kung alam ko ba na nagpapasa load asawa ko isa ibat ibang numbers? And may mga tinatawagan... Pano nalaman ng mommy ko? Kase yung cellphone bill nya nakapangalan sa mom ko so ayun nakita nya yung mga numbers na iba iba na hindi sya familiar. Kaya nya ako tinanong kase naka line din ako e so sino pinapasa loadan nya? At ang pinasa loadan nya eh yung babae na sabi sakin nung friend ko! kamusta naman yon!
Galit na galit ako sa asawa ko nun as in! At sya ganon din... One of the worst away namin yon. Ang reason nya binabayaran naman daw sakanya yon. Kung baga ginawa nya business. WAla sya nakikitang mali daw don... Ako to be honest, I feel betrayed. KAse hindi nya man lang nasabi sakin na may ganon sya ginagawa na "business". Tapos nalaman ko pa sa iba, sa nanay ko pa!

4. Sa bago nya work, madalas sya magtago sakin ng mga binibili nya sa officemates nya. Ang kinakainis ko, sa iba ko pa malalaman. HIndi sya ang nagsabi sakin. Bakit big deal sakin? KAse ganto yon, recently lang kami naging isang kaban. Ibig ko sabihin, mga earnings namin before kanya-kanya. Pag may binibili sya madalang na may alam ako...ako ang earnings ko lahat sinasabi ko sakanya if may bibilhin ako. Pag magbabayad credit card madalas sakin nya papabayad pero binabayaran naman nya after ang kaso minsan biglaan nya ako sasabihan eh minsan wala na ako. Yung time na akala ko meron pa sya at sya akala nya meron pa ako. So recently lang talaga kami naging isang kaban. Mahilig sya si bili then pag may kailangan bayaran sakin sya hihinge tapos magulat sya wala na pala. And minsan pa, hindi nya sinasabi sakin kung magkano talaga sweldo nya. Sasabiihn nya lang sakin ganto tapos wiwithdraw sya tapos magugulat ako meron pa sya pera pero kung kikiwentahin mo dapat wala na sya kase ilang beses na sya withdraw. Ang akin lang naman magsabi sya, open dapat...

5. Just this saturday, nahulihan ko sya ulit na nagtitingin iba iba babae tapos minimessage using wechat. Akala nya tulog pa ako e nakatalikod sya sakin, na videohan ko. DApat pala tinanong ko sya bigla! ANyway, nung nakunan ko na lumabas ako bigla room at kitang kita ko sya na tinago bigla CP nya. Halatang may tinatago. BUti sana kung mga foreigner kausap nya eh mga pinay.

And nung kinomfront ko sya, naiinis talaga ako sakanya jinahustify nya na wala sya ginagawa mali...TUMITINGIN LANG DAW SYA! Hello? Kailangan mo bang halikan, isex, yan para masabing literal na cheating yon?! The point na tinago mo na sakin cheating na yon...sabi ko sakanya. PArang t**** nya that time, parang wala sa sariling pag iisip, alam nya naman yon na considered na cheating yon. Parang wala sa sarili parang sinaniban ni satanas, grabe! 2nd worst away namin yon! Sabi ko sakanya, tumitingin ka lang? then ano kasunod? minessage mo na e, then whats next itext mo na, magkita na tayo? Sya naman hindi naman daw sya ganon? Hello?? Papunta na nga sya don e, dahil inentertain na nya yung thought na yon! Gggrrrr....galit na galit talaga ako sakanya non! BInabaliktad pa ako! Nabugbog ko sya sa wala sa oras.. HIndi naman nya ko sinaktan physically...pero sabi ko sakanya hindi mo nga ko sinasaktan pero sinasaktan mo ko emotionally!  Sabi ko sakanya kung hindi ka man mahiya sakin, sana nahiya ka naman sa Diyos!

Sabi nya sakin, niyakap nya ako sorry daw, pumasok daw ata sakanya yung demonyo kaya nya nagawa. SAbi nya pa tulungan ko raw sya...   

Haay ang sakit sakin sobra. I know hindi sya yung worse na pwede mangyari. Kaso I know papunta na sya don and prone sya sa mga ganyan!   Considering we attend a couple's group in church. Sabi ko nga sakanya kung may natutunan ba sya don e.

Sabi ko sakanya hindi mabuo buo trust ko sakanya e...dahil everytime na mapupuno na sana, new thing will happen. Sabi nya sakin bago ko sya iconfront matagal na raw ako wala tiwala saknya, eh kase naman binibigyan nya ako ng mga dapat pagdududahan at tumatama naman.

Naawa ako sa mga bata, kase nakikita nila ako umiiyak. Puro pa naman sila lalaki and maliit pa. Ayaw ko lumaki sila na matulad sa tatay nila.

Ewan ko mga sis, may kinalaman kaya yung hiwalay namin sa pagtulog ng asawa ko kaya kami ganto? Ever since kase nagkaanak kami na dalawa na hindi na kami nagtabi. SIla sa baba nung eldest at sa taas naman kami nung bunso.

We do make love pag tulog na mga bata... may kinalaman kaya yong ganon set up namin sa pag tulog?

Pasensya na napahaba...gulong gulo na po kase ako e

[smoothie]

I think walang kinalaman yung set-up. Pwedeng factor siya pero hindi talaga yan yung reason.

My guess is that mahilig lang talaga ang asawa mo sa babae and hindi niya ma-control iyun or talagang selfish lang siya.

[agape]

bakit ganun ang set-up niyo?

mahirap talaga mabalik ang trust. usually it's his fear, kaya tinatago nya sayo kasi alam nya magagalit ka.

[richnskinny]

Something is terribly wrong with your husband. These are classic signs of sexual addiction and mild psychotic/sociopathic behaviour. I am not an expert but learned these things through reading. Why am I so concerned? Because my husband exhibited all of the signs and symptoms of sexual addiction and psychosis at the beginning of our marriage but I failed to recognize them. I was stupid, ignorant and unaware.
Wandering eye, pornography, texting females, chatting online with (female) strangers, spends so much time or obsession with social networking sites, secret email password, takes his phone with him everywhere, cheating, lying, the list goes on.
Other signs: irritability even if you did not do anything wrong, abusive behaviour, physical violence, etc.   
Sorry to say this, but your husband will never change and things will only get worse, not better.
I should know, I was a victim.
So, if you can, get your kid and leave now. You and your kids deserve better.
 

[1choi_ko9]

He is irritable sometimes but not all the time. He wasnt abusive and physically violent (ako yun).

[aquacharly]

Oh my, nakakapagod ang asawang ganyan, I can just imagine. 
I don't think he is much different from most married men. They just can't help themselves from flirting around, scanning the environment for "opportunities".......  and the trite rationalization: I ain't doing anything wrong, Judge.  Susko!

Your husband, IMO, hasn't gotten his quota of what we legal wives call as the "cheap thrills". 
IMO, he just has too much idle time at work and home kaya kung ano ano nagagawa..
Keep him busy, very -- as in, a business to manage in addition to his job?
Community or church involvement?  Ma occupy sya sa pag do-good &/or sa pag kawaggawa?

The thing is,  he is a serial flirt, on his way to becoming a chronic liar.  What you have been doing up to this point is not getting you the results you want. So? Change your tactics/approach before things get worse.
But then, at times I get cynical too coz: People change only when they want to change, for reasons only they are aware of.  And that goes for what you may perceive as both good or bad changes. 

[1choi_ko9]

Thank u so much girls for those wonderful insights. 😀 As of now weve talked naman na kaso i told him that it would be hard for me to trust. And that he needs to be patient enough kase most ofvthe time i have this sudden urge of asking him doubtful questions. Haha...

Tama sis aquacharly nakakapagod... And i told him that...

Ano kaya pinaka mabuting revenge? Judt to make him feel my exacg feelings?

[aquacharly]

It isn't time for Revenge  -- yet.
Magcu-cuentahan  lang kayo at sagutan ng transgressions.  Stay above it all.

Try killing  him with kindness. Baka tumino.

You're kinda at a crossroads, pending his action on tempting opportunities. 
Sana he stops there. But argh! Nakakagrrr talaga the waiting, the distrust --  nakakapagod.
IMO, best to be on "the high ground" vis-a-vis a hubby  who strays or medj palihis na
Do not threaten - ever, but you can sweetly declare:

      We BOTH have choices.  But I will always choose not to bring sh1t into our lives.
       Coz some things cannot be undone. Some priceless things can never be fully restored.
       So I pray and hope you will always choose to talk things out with me;
           And never choose to damage our relationship. 

[thess]

sis try nyo labas date na kayo lang 2, baka kulang lang sya sa pansin

[Respect]

pa makeover ka, baka naman losyang na tingin sayo kaya naghahanap ng bago. yung pagtatago ng cellphone, panigurado may kababalaghan na ginagawa.

[swtgrl_bee]

Sis hindi yan sa sleeping set up niyo. Ganito din kaming mag asawa eh. Co-sleep kami ng anak ko. Pero wala namang hilig ang asawa ko sa babae Kausapin mo siya sis, or try counseling since aware din naman siya sa mga ginagawa niya na masama (Pumapasok sa kanya ang Demonyo). If you don't mind me asking sis, anong line of work ni Hubby?


It's good to know na alam mo na may problem, so find a solution.

[marose17]

It's not the sleeping set-up.  It's your husband.  You cannot trust him.  It's that simple. It's up to you to decide whether you want to live like this.  They say people change, but you cannot change the true nature and character of a person.

[kittypaw]

How old are you sis?

[jmeangeL]

The sleeping arrangement has nothing to do with it.  Ganyan din ang set-up namin before since maliliit pa ang mga bata.  Ngayon naman OFW na sya, pero I never started to think the he's doing something bad while he's away.  And I tell him that.

Maybe you also need to change your approach.  Try to do something that would yield a better reaction from him.

1.  Change your sleeping arrangement.  Still a prayer before sleeping habit with the kids and him.
2.  Tell him that starting from this day forward, you'll forgive him and trust him implicitly.  Don't check his cellphone or his email.
3.  If you have a straight hair, go to the saloon and have it curled.  Or simply add something different to how you look in a more permanent way.
4.  Bring sexy back!
5.  Go out with him on a date without the kids.

Being married doesn't mean that you have to stop acting like you're still dating.  Bring back the thrill of the chase.

If you just keep on nagging and confronting him, then you'll get the same result.  So, play his game and be his desired girl.

[aleleic]

HAys . . . TAMA.when your partner cheated on you nawawala ang trust.kahit magkaayos pa kayo.it can never be fully recovered.time will tell nalang talaga.hirap magtiwala sana s mga partne3r who cheated on their partner.wag kayo magtaka at magalit kung bat wala kami tiwala sa inyo.give time.hay. . . KAhit nagkapatawaran na ang sakit pa din.ang bigat sa dibdib.nakakalumgkot lang. . .

[lovemeagain30]

Hindi lang yung trust ang nawawala. I think kahit yung love and respect nababawasan yun. isipin mo ba naman lagi na yung asawa mo eh may kalantaring iba sa mga oras na wala kang alam, manggigigil ka di ba?    kahit siguro patawarin mo siya, for sure, in one of your big fights,, babanggitin mo yun.

Sa opinion ko, A cheating husband will never changed. kahit damihan niyo pa ang anak niyo, hindi siya magbabago. he will be tamed down for awhile but it's an old habit that's hard to break,, unless siguro terminally ill na siya. 

Nasa wife nalang siguro kung kaya niya ang ganyang rollercoaster type na buhay kasama ng mga anak niya.madalas ikinuconsider ang mga bata. pero may mga kakilala ako na kung kelan tumanda na ang mga anak ay saka na nila nahiwalayan yung mga cheater husband nila. Maybe they're fed up. Pede rin dahil grown up na mga kids at sila nalang ng asawa niya ang naiwan,, dun na siya natauhan. wala na palang natirang love after all the years of living with a philandering husband.
 

[miss_curdafia]

I'm experiencing the same problem with my husband.
He keeps chatting online lalo kapag wala ako sa house. And now he's found a girlfriend whom he met online. I don't think the girl knows that he is already married.  Pinay yun girl and works in Mongolia.
Yun girl naman tawag pa ng tawag sa phone ni hubby. He keeps his phone away from me lagi.

[aquacharly]

Haayyyynakoh

TRUST is like an eraser: it gets smaller with every mistake.

Tapos, makuha pa nila magalit pag nagdudaduda tayo?!   BS

[LeallianFaye]

Sis, eto nakita ko sa twitter

If you are involved with a weak man, you will always end up sharing him.
Beat up one girl another one will be texting him next week.
Curse out two girls online, they'll be back in his inbox the next month -- he is the problem
not the other girls. Your job is to love your man, not to babysit him.
You can't spend your life trying to guard against what might happen when he's left alone.
The unpopular truth is that a man will always do what he wants to do.
If your love isn't enough to discipline him, then it's misplaced on him.
How do you compete with other women?
You find a man strong enough not to make them your competition in the first place.


Sis, mahirap na magbago yang mga ganyan. I've been with a guy like that before pero thank God at hindi kami umabot sa kasalan at pinakita na nya ang tunay na kulay nya after just two years.
Akala ko before normal lang yang mga ganyang ugali ng isang lalake, kasi ang turo ng mga matatanda satin ay ganyan talaga sila at hindi macontrol ang libog sa katawan, pero hindi, eh.

[agape]

You need to keep your man "emotionally" close to you, it's the only way you can hurt him back.
And if he fears getting hurt by losing you then he will try to avoid doing stupid things that can push you away.