Help! Husband is about to leave me!

[CrayKai]

We are a young couple almost a decade as bf/gf. 1 year as married. Currently in LDR

Having an on and off relationship with him since highschool because of womanizing, then in college it got worse. After he migrated in other country he confessed a lot of things as in mind blowing things i couldn't even think he's capable of doing so I got fed up eventually we broke up for several months and I got involve into this guy ( his enemy in college) and all I could even think of is to revenge (yes having sex with him is what I called revenge  ). fast forward we eventually got back together and things have changed he became this perfect loving husband anyone could ever imagined. Happily ever after.

 Then last week he made me confess so stupid of me! I told him everything, he was so devastated As in really really devastated and all he ever could think of is annulment. Please I don't want to lose him and I know he's a changed man but i don't know what to do at this time. I am about to follow him this december to start our own family and then this. *so stupid of me*

[justin3]

wow! newly registered, first post, tapos super drama ang peg.
ok, i'll treat you as an old member of GT na nag-register lang to protect your old account here.

tsk! tsk! hirap ng sitwasyon mo sis ah. ilang taon na ba kayo? early 20s?
"kasal" kasi eh. kung mag-jowa lang kayo, sabihin ko agad na sipain mo na eh.
kaya ayaw na ayaw ko talaga yang LDR na yan eh. kahit na ano pa ang katwiran dyan. kaya nga nagpaksal PARA MAGSAMA eh, at hindi para maghiwalay.

nandito pa ba sya ngayon sa Pinas? if so, let your Godparents intervene. (pero kung ang mga ninong at ninang nyo sa kasal para pang-isports lang, don't bother ) lapitan mo ang elderly na mataas ang respeto ng hubby mo para mamagitan. 
pwede ring lapitan mo ang pastor/priest/imam nyo... wag sa senador o congressman.
seek professional help.
take a week-long retreat. mag marriage counseling kayo.

3hrs ago, yan ang topic sa 700 Club. "Adultery".
similar ang kwento mo sa Guison couple. parehong young couple nung late 70s.
babaero si hubby, gumanti wifey at nanlalaki rin... not until namagitan si Lord at tinanggap nila nung 80s... ayun, since then... nasa 70s na sila ngayon, ang sweet-sweet pa rin nila.

just like one you ate here, she was your age rin nung nasa brink of splitsville na rin sila kasi nahumaling si hubby sa ibang kandungan. until she seek professional help, kaya ayun, very active sya dito sa GT... abangan mo advice nya.
 

[imbisibol_]

please fill the gaps in your timeline. 

1.  when he did "mind-blowing" things in another country, were you already married?
2.  when you exacted revenge and slept with a college enemy of his, were you already married?

but married or not- you never really forgave him for the "mind-blowing" things he did; hence, your need to get "even".  after you got even, did you feel that you were then ready to forgive him?  did it make you feel better?  was equanimity in the relationship restored?  i'll bet my last bottom dollar you'll answer 'no' to all three.

so now, his decision to leave you is a direct reaction to your getting even with him which was a direct reaction of yours to all that mind-blowing.  so you guys just pissed and painted yourselves in a corner.

i've no sisterly or motherly advice to dole out- just my understanding of the logic of where this started, led on, and will ultimately end to. 

you, the both of you, are adults.  if one does not feel he/she can forgive the other, then that's both that person's right and prerogative to do so.  if you could not forgive him and ended up sleeping around, then he has to accept and respect that.  in the same token, if he now can't forgive you and will now end up leaving you, then that is yours to accept and respect as well.

i know- it sucks being an adult..

[Mr.Punch]

Approaching the question in a different way, don't you think an annullment is the best solution? 

If I were in your shoes, I would not want to continue being married with someone that petty.  And besides, in the bigger picture, he's the one who has had more transgressions and he's making you look like you're the greater sinner.  That sort of theme will play itself out throughout your marriage if you somehow convince him to stay.  Do you really want that?

[k_heart]

Revenge is not sweet at all. also clueless in situations like this. Tama sila, baka better na lang na maghiwalay
kayong 2 if both of you cannot accept the past sins or transgressions of each other.

[m_lim]

dun rin ako sa annulment. kasi, ano habang buhay niyo iisipin multo ng bawat isa?? kapagod ah!

unless willing talaga kayo pareho magsimula sa malinis. walang sumbatan, walang ungkatan ng nakaraan.

ikaw baka kaya mo, pero how sure are you na kayang kalimutan ng hubby mo ang lahat.

baka maging paikot ikot nalang kayo niyan.

[aquacharly]

Please I don't want to lose him and I know he's a changed man but i don't know what to do at this time. I am about to follow him this december to start our own family and then this. *so stupid of me*

Darling, he sure  is a "changed man" --  but not the "perfect loving husband". Wala na yon.  Wala.
The Changed Man you've got there NOW  is one similar to Mr. Singson screaming for justice kasi "pinendejo ako!"

Don't you think 10 years + 1 is more than enough time given to accept the 2 of you just make each other more flawed?
Dapat "bring out The Best" in each other, but you 2 do the opposite..
Mahaba  na his resume as a Serial Philanderer. As for you -- I say this with no judgment but with concern for what you can bring yourself to do in pursuit of revenge.
Bull's eye ginawa mo.  You used his enemy. So there was calculated  intent to psychologically/emotionally CASTRATE.
There was no shred of love/consideration/delicadeza, just the need to castrate.

SO, IF I WERE YOU --  running after that serial philanderer  will be my least priority.
Most important is to look at myself, what have I  let myself become? 
To go back to him after 10+ 1 years of his effing around, some mind-blowing.
To overcome the wounds of betrayalS and  the "kadirz" of mind-blowing True Confessions... you must be a person with such a ginormous capacity to love & forgive... and hope.
Yet, you acted out of character with that  affair.

See,   He who seeks Forgiveness must know he must extend Forgiveness too.
So, IMO, that "perfect husband happily ever" was just a limited Run.   Hindi niya kaya the forever part. Kaya naghanap  yan ng reason to drop  that script, eh sinakyan mo naman. 

What am I trying to say? 
A  Certified Philanderer is a man full of rationalizations; and he will always seek a rationalization to rationalize his rationalizations. 

Miracles do happen. .
Try 1 Last Time, do  the Last Ditch Effort of Mommy Fe Gloria:  RETROUVAILLE
I haven't done it, but it has a good track record couples swear by.
Pray for Divine Guidance & Courage.  Leave it all to God, to solve as HE wills it. 
Yes, miracles do happen -- but don't hold your breathe waiting for one. 

Cut and cut cleanly. 

[anon]

i was rooting for walker, este, justin na sana...till i read aquacharly's wiser thoughts. Agree ako, this marriage is not worth salvaging

[sh1n3]

naka-apat ka na ah. masyadong halata ka na sa kabubuntot titah.
ikaw na nga ba ang matagal ko nang hinihintay dito na si Tita Pau?

kating-kati ka na ano? gusto nang kumawala ni DARNA?

alam mo kasi bro, este, manay... yung TUNAY na lalaki, di nakikialam sa post ng kapwa nya dito.
magpakalalaki, este, MAGLADLAD ka na lang kasi. tseh!

para hindi OT: Agree ako, this marriage is worth salvaging... until September 31.


420

[lovely_carrot]

parang ang daming mali dito..

1. bat ka umamin?! di ba ika-11 utos nga daw un.. i don't think your husband will get past the idea that you had s*x with the enemy to spite him. that's just mission impossible, there's no way he's going to take you back, i don't think his love for you is the unconditional kind.

2. hindi dapat sinundan ng mali ang isang pagkakamali.  we're all adults, kung sana lahat ng mature and adult people will act their age, the world will be a better place. but that's water under the bridge now, i just hope you learned your lessons.

3. no matter how much you love a person, if he's s****ng all over you, you should have valued yourself first, you should've walked away. remember, we teach other people how to treat us.

4. focus on your self being. wag masyado magpakamatay sa lalaking obviously hindi ka kayang mahalin katulad ng ginagawa mo sa kanya. you're better off alone, for now. kung sakali man magtagumpay ka na magbalikan kayo, dear, uulit lang ang problema nyo.

give him what he wants, you may feel like dying now, but you'll thank him later in your life pag nakilala mo na yung mas mabuting lalaki para sayo.

[mariebiscuit]

sa umpisa palang babaero na husband mo,then you married him parin,,then babaero parin kahit kasal na kayo,and you accept all of it w/out forgiving,thats why you revenge by sleeping w/other guy worst his enemy...filipino ang husband mo and dignidad nya nakataya dito,pinendeho mo sya,in our country where we valued morals and conduct sometimes accepted na ang lalaki sadyang polygamous,,while we girls must stay loyal,,i guess you need to follow him and ask forgiveness and both of you must forgive and forget,,pray ,pray ,pray,,and if he cant forgive you ,then accept it and leave,,its better to fall apart than being reconcile w/out forgiving and love,,,sumbatan at sisihan ang mangyayari,,,,

[sistah!]

I like what aquacharly said: cut and cut cleanly.

[sugar n spice]

justin3- siguradong sigurado ka na alternick yung gamit ng ts. tsk tsk

anyway, to ts, ang babaero ay tatandang babaero. titigil lang yan pag matanda na. pero hanggat me babaeng mas bata at maganda, makikita mo. ndi naman sya yung tipong nagkamali lang once. nasa dugo nya na yan. marami akong kaibigang babaero. wala sa kanila ang tumigil mambabae kahit mahuli ng asawa.

pls, he's  not worthy of your tears.