How do you improve.. Character?

[Clair de Lune]

Ok, so the formula to self-improvement is not so hard to figure out. I've heard lots of advice like go to the gym, join a class, read a lot of books, etc. But how do you actually improve your character? How do you make yourself better on a much deeper level.. not just in terms of physical attributes, extent of experience, financial status and whatnot.

How do you shift from a negative to a positive mindset? Develop good attitude? How do you apply your ideals and values in world that only ends up frustrating you most of the time? The reason I'm asking is.. I cannot stand myself lately. I've become so high strung, easily aggravated, easily feels the need to complain, and bothered by the pettiest of things.

I'm so short of optimism right now. Most of the time, all I think about is how to survive.. but not how to live. I've lost my sense of wonder about the great things in the world. I feel stuck. I don't think I have anything good to contribute to society. As they say, to be happy, you have to be the kind of person you will love to be with. I don't feel that at all. If I were my partner, I'd fall out of love with myself.

[aquacharly]

These are all I know. Like you, I am eager to learn from others' wisdom


TO BE HAPPY, EXPECT NOTHING. 

When I don't expect, nothing disappoints.   Then, whatever's your issue is either a blessing or an opportunity.

Expect Nothing, regret nothing.  Regrets drain big-time

Expecting Nothing, you don't wait for what another person/others will do.   You don't hang your star of happiness on another. 

Expecting Nothing is liberating.



HOW DO YOU IMPROVE YOUR CHARACTER?
Live by The Golden Rule.
Read The Desiderata
Exercise Restraint
Start & end each day connecting to God/your Higher

[anon]

Desiderata is one of the best books around. I'm also interested in learning how to build one's character, pero i'm a bit confused with your question, Clair. For me, character is based on one's integrity, ie consistency in one's beliefs, thoughts and actions. Optimism is based on one's attitutude in facing life. Both character and attitude are conscious choices each of us make and cultivate in life.

[joban99]

Hi Clair de Lune, these are things that worked and still work for me, so eventhough it may not work for others, hopefully you try this and it works for you.  In regards to character, I agree with Anon wherein it is connected with integrity and the best way to develop your integrity/character is to always keep your promises either you make to yourself or to others. Try reading (or kahit skim through) Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people. Its the little things that count, like if you tell a friend youll meet them a 7pm at a resto, be there at 6:55pm (marami sigurong tinamaan dyan, hehe..) or if you said youd take your child/sibling to the mall and you feel tired, you have to honor what you said and take them out.

As for being short of optimism, just always remind yourself that you should be grateful for what you have. The mere fact that youre on girltalk means you probly have a computer or have enough time and money to go to the internet cafe! Also something that really helped me alot was just constantly going to church every week and just constantly saying thank you to God. I never thought Id be this type of person, but probly as I got older, I just became more religious and in turn, more thankful for everything which again in turn made life much happier and better.

Also when I was younger when I wasnt really going to church that often, I had a gratitude journal (which I saw on Oprah) wherein at the end of the day, you have to write at least 3 things you're grateful for. Sometimes youll think that the day wasnt eventful and you cant write anything, but when you think silently for at least 10 minutes, youll come up with probly a dozen things. Again only you can help yourself, but I hope you take into consideration all the advice that is being share by everyone. Hope this helps.

[bagaholic_chewy]

sis Clair, one good thng about your situation is that you are aware of it, seems to have accepted it, and now trying to correct/improve it. Mas mahirap yung di natin alam na nagiging nega na tayo..

I always tell myself and my friends na happiness is a choice and it is important to choose your battles. We can always whine about things, but I eventually realized na sayang ang energy, especially if yung bagay/situation na kinaiinisan ko is beyond my control. So I try to find something positive about the situation na lang. I have my moods din but I feel that I have improved on this na. Like before ambilis ko mag-snap sa ibang tao, pag wala sa mood, kung ano agad nasasabi, minsan hurtful words pa. So I learned to control myself. Pag nafi-feel ko na I'm about to snap, I pause and count for a few seconds, then by the time na nagsalita ako medyo kalmado na and somehow na-filter out ko na yung mga bad/hurtful words. At ngayon, most of the time e pinapalampas ko na ang mga maliliit na bagay. Minsan kasi naisip ko not worth makipag-sagutan pa for something so irrelevant.

[Frozen Toes]

I think the simplest way to say it is this - Do not always take shortcuts. Even if there is an easier way, SOMETIMES, it is more life-enriching if you pick the route that will require you to work hard, extend your patience, become more resourceful and compassionate, step out of your comfort zone, and max out whatever fight you have in you.

[gmarri]

Don't be afraid to take risks! 

[tomatostellar]

May nabasa ako dati.. not the exact words but something like "Do things in a way your future self will be proud of"
I try to follow that advise ever since

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

I need your inputs on this,paano ko ba iimprove ang ugali ko and be more mabait? mabait lang ako on selected people especially sa kids pero ang taray ko sa mga hindi ko usually kakilala, mabilis ako mairita sa mga engot na cashiers at tindera, so yeah how do I improve my character?

[pret_ty68]

^
Empathy. Isipin mo ikaw ang nasa kalagayan nila. Kung ikaw yung cashier/tindera isipin mo ang mararamdaman mo pag tinarayan ka.

[tomatostellar]

^ I also read somewhere:

"Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be nice. Always."

I guess pwedeng isipin mo na lang na that person is someone you know, or close to you. Gugustuhin mo bang maliitin sila or tataraytarayan ng kung sino man? syempre hindi diba.

Although napansin ko lang, ang mga na-mention mo is mga service personnel, baka you somewhat think highly of yourself?
Anyway, just my two cents.. I don't mean to judge.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

^ siguro nga mga sis, kelangan ko na talagang ayusin ugali ko, im trying to understand sometimes pero pag nauna akong magreact without even thinking first sungit agad. Kaya I envy those people who are always kind despite difficult situation.

@ sis pret and tomatostellar, thanks for pointing those things out  I'll try my best.

[killbill]

For me, i read self help books. Observe other people. I try to analyze bakit sila ganun etc. kunwari meron kami bagong officemate, super yabang, nagbibida bida akala mo kung sino umasta so ako iniisip ko baka may insecurity sya kaya he's trying to compensate for something kaya iniintindi ko na lang, instead na maiinis ako sa kanya sinasakyan ko na lang mga kwento niya kasi for me wala naman bearing dahil alam ko naman na nagcocompensate lang sya.

Maganda din na may mga nakakasalamuha kang ibang tao from all walks of life, from big successful businessmen nagiging parang mga tatay-tatayan ko na and ultimo taxi driver chinichika ko lang habang nasa biyahe. Magkakaroon ka ng idea sa mga perspective nila sa mga bagay bagay.

Mga simple na bagay tulad ng pagsasabi ng "thank you" and "please" na may kasamang smile. Sa mga cashier, sa waiter, kahit sa mga real estate agent na nag aabot ng flyers. Usually iilingan ko lang pero naka smile pa din. Yung mga ganun kasi biruin mo all day everyday ganun at ganun ang ginagawa nila, malay ba natin if they are having a bad day, inuunahan ko na agad sila ng smile para mas maayos ang service nila sakin. Maliit na bagay pero it makes a lot of difference.

Try to do random acts of kindness to random people. Stay humble.
 

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

^ wow thanks for the great advice sis, I really appreciate it.
I never forget to say please and thank you talaga but I don't do it with a smile, ni hindi ako nag aaksyang tingnan yung mukha ng tao. I'll try to follow your advice.

[red_yesha]

-Hindi naman ako sobrang bait, But I think nag improve naman ako ng kaunti, actually medyo nahihirapan akong intindihin ang mga super bait na mga tao and at the same time humahanga din ako.
Anyway, back to the topic:
1st - Know myself more and think all of my strengths and weaknesses that needs to be worked on.
2nd - read self help books
3rd - Don't be nega
4th - Be kind to all people ( kahit mahirap gawin, patience lang talaga)
5th - and kagaya ng sinabe ng mga sissy's natin dito Don't expect and be humble.

[kaiz]

currently working on my temper nowadays. practicing not to react agad on anyhing. struggle yan for me now. yan first step ko in improving my characer

[17glut]

- let common-sense prevail ALL THE TIME
- SWAY AWAY from people who often complains, talk behind other people's backs, and never say something good about others. They are very toxic and can poison your well-being just as easy.
- NEVER rely on emotions
- NEVER react or give unadulturated opinion unless you have truly understood both sides of a story esp. with the people involved.
- To sum it all up, just mind your own business all the time. Practice to ignore things that don't directly matter to you.

[Girltalker2]

^
Empathy. Isipin mo ikaw ang nasa kalagayan nila. Kung ikaw yung cashier/tindera isipin mo ang mararamdaman mo pag tinarayan ka.

Ya, minsan when driving, iikli talaga pasensya mo dahil sa traffic. Pero isipin mo nalang na say lola mo or lolo mo yung driver, kaya pag bigyan mo na.

Kumusta na kaya si TS, I hope she is better now. IMO, kaya minsan sinu suggest exercise and workout kasi kahit papano these activities can relieve us of stress, therefore mas tama ang nagiging disposition natin with a healthy lifestyle. Mas positive tayo, hindi bugnutin. However, they don't guarantee na better ang character ng isang tao.

As for me, yoga helps a lot to relieve stress, treat other people better hehe Mas less puyat for me, eat right food, mas ok din pakikitungo ko sa ibang tao kasi mas mahaba pasensya ko.

[quinone]

i just saw this old video clip on Character Building sa youtube by Fulton Sheen (he is a priest). nagustuhan ko yung talk niya.

[angelparvian]

sa fb ko. i unfollow some of my friends na puro nega ang post, i follow my friends and some pages na positive ang view sa buhay. dapat kumpleto meron ka dapat finafollow na positive ang lovelife, spiritual, emotional at financial. then read books makisalimuha sa mga positive na tao, attend seminars, makipag usap ganun. these stuffs help me a lot to become a better person