Single moms..... would you?

[ragnar_danneskjold]

^ why, i don't see the pun in there.

but for me, hell why not. di naman nakakabawas yung pagiging single mom nila. the only reason i see why i won't date her is when her primary goal is to find someone who'll help her with the responsibility of raising the kids.

[viellemacey]

^there are single moms talaga na ganun ang goal, sad to admit, BUT NOT ALL.

i personally don't see the need of having a partner because i don't want to be unfair, im afraid to be unfair, in all manner. ( for me lang ha )

re responsibility/ies, kung monetary mahirap talaga.

[ragnar_danneskjold]

^there are single moms talaga na ganun ang goal, sad to admit, BUT NOT ALL.

i personally don't see the need of having a partner because i don't want to be unfair, im afraid to be unfair, in all manner. ( for me lang ha )

re responsibility/ies, kung monetary mahirap talaga.

good to know that. single moms who can raise their own kids should go out and date someone.

if it's not your primary goal, then you're fine. i think if you genuinely love someone, the rest will follow, whatever aspect in life that is. he will support you, help you raise the kids, send them to school. but if you only date someone in hopes of striking a vein of gold, then you've got a serious problem.

[ragnar_danneskjold]

i personally don't see the need of having a partner because i don't want to be unfair, im afraid to be unfair, in all manner. ( for me lang ha )

Why unfair?

[viellemacey]

^kasi i know my daughter will always be my top priority. mahirap kasi imaintain yung balance between my kiddo and my partner. again, its just me. not talking in general

[Girltalker2]

sa tingin ko case to case basis. bakit naman sina sharon cuneta, vilma santos, and others na may anak na sa iba pero nakapag asawa at happily married pa rin.

Because they have fame and money. They have something to offer to their partners as well at hindi one way wherein a single guy will just be the knight in shining armor that will rescue the single mom from her daily burden/woes without contributing anything to the relationship. It goes 2 ways din.

Pero it does not guarantee a happy marriage din naman. Like for Sharon, tagal na nach chismis si Kiko having anak sa labas.  Si Ralph mas wala pako naririnig.

if society is very judgmental sa mga single moms, would they have preferred na inabort na lang namin ang bata and start a clean slate? mas ok ba yun at least single ulit kame? i don't think so. there is hope for single moms, possible ang love after giving birth as long as you do your best for yourself and your child.

of course abortion is not a good option. pero magugulat ka, na may mga nagpapa ampon sa mga kamag-anak para at least "clean slate" start nga. at least here in Asia, because of such issues.

btw, president barack obama was raised by a single mother. that is something to think about and inspire us.

Being a single mother does not mean you cannot be a good mother. You can be a good mother pero you are just treated by  most men in Asia as ukay ukay or 2nd hand goods.

^there are single moms talaga na ganun ang goal, sad to admit, BUT NOT ALL.

i personally don't see the need of having a partner because i don't want to be unfair, im afraid to be unfair, in all manner. ( for me lang ha )

re responsibility/ies, kung monetary mahirap talaga.

There is nothing wrong with having a second chance/partner for single moms.  Somehow, you also have to think of your future when your kids are all grown up and you will be old alone. 

Your daughter may be your top priority now but time will come that she won't need that much attention na, because she already has an independent mind/life.   

[viellemacey]

^i don't want to grow old alone but i don't want to fall on the same mistake i did. i'm not saying my daughter is a mistake, her dad is the mistake. its really hard to determine who are those guys that are serious and those that are just playing nowadays. ofcourse i have to be extra careful on picking because if i made a wrong pick i might just drag my daughter's life in mess with me, that's why i prefer to play safe.

she might not need much of my attention when she grows up but i'll still give it to her, same attention since day 1, but in place, because i will always be a mother.

if i'm destined to live the rest of my life with somebody then be it, but not now, in time, mas kelangan ako ng anak ko ngayon kesa sa kelangan ko ng partner

[anon]

^ just out curiosity, will your daughter have any say in the choice of the next man you will partner with, if ever?

(same question to other single moms out there as well)

[mrsB]

Sociologically, malaking factor ang FINANCES sa pag-ayaw ng mga Pinoy men sa mga single mom. Let's face it, konti lang naman ang talagang mayaman sa Pinas. Karamihan, ordinaryong kumakayod lang at/o nabuhuhay ng isang kahig isang tuka.

It is hard to have an "instant" family. Lalo na sa economic situation natin sa Pinas ngayon. Kahit na sabihin mong may trabaho naman yung single mom, still mahirap pa rin dahil may ibang pinaglalaanan na agad ng resources. Katulad nga ng sabi ng ilang sis natin dito na single moms, priority nila yung mga kids nila.

I think it is unfair din na sabihing hindi matured o open-minded ang mga Pinoy as compared to their foreign counterparts dahil nga mas tanggap ng huli ang mga babaeng may anak na. MATTER OF CULTURE kasi yan.

Foreigners, specifically Caucasians siguro, are used to divorce. So natural lang na sanay silang pumatol (sorry for the term) sa mga may anak na. Pero marami rin akong kilala na hindi anak ang treatment sa children ng partners nila kundi parang pamangkin lang (parang uncle lang sila). Also, as compared sa Pinas, medyo mas madaling mag-raise ng kids sa ibang bansa, halimbawa sa Canada, kasi nga may support ang government. Tapos usually me mga child support pang nakukuha ang mga bata sa biological fathers nila. At the age of 18, ang mga anak pwede na ring bumukod o magwork on their own. Unlike here in Pinas, talagang todo kayod para makapagpa-college.

[Girltalker2]

Sis viellemacey, I hear you. I agree na dapat mas maging mapanuri ang mmga single moms because you can't afford to make the same mistake the second time around. I'm a single mom myself and I also don't want to grow old alone. Pero sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, I'd rather grow old alone than be with someone who will just be an added burden to me.

Anon, para sakin it is how the mom would introduce the child/ren to the new partner. Hindi dapat kahit sinong naka date lang. If you and your new partner are serious enough, then perhaps you can start introducing him to your kids as a friend, then tsakaa magprogress. Dito ko rin naisip na parang mas madali pag mas bata pa yung mga anak mo because mas 'open' pa sila kesa sa mga teens na medyo rebelde.

Kung pihikan ang mga lalaki at ayaw ng extra baggage ng mga single moms, I think single moms should all the more be discerning. Sabi nga ni sis viellemacey, you don't want to drag your kid to another mess, tsaka yung psychological impact sa bata na sino sinong lalaki nalang labas/pasok sa buhay ng mom nya.
Tapos, bilang single mom, I agree naman we should focus on our kids kasi wala na silang aasahan, but please don't forget about yourself and your total well-being. Kasi it is through continuously improving ourselves that can help us boost our self esteem, gain more earning potential and eventually kahit may partner o wala, we remain financially independent and a whole person.

[sacred cow]

siguro yun ang no. 1 reason bakit takot ang mga guys mag date ng single mom. takot sila na gusto lang ng girl maghanap ng bubuhay sa anak niya.

natumbok mo! and honestly could you blame us?

[ragnar_danneskjold]

natumbok mo! and honestly could you blame us?

Haha. I won't.  But i think there's nothing wrong giving single moms a chance at dating. Mahuhuli mo naman siguro yung tipong ang habol ay katulong sa pagpalaki ng mga bata. Mapapansin mo rin sa iba sa kwento nila yung bigat ng responsibility nila. Guys run away from those who sound like they're already carrying a heavy luggage.  But if you're genuinely attracted to each other, and she can take care of herself, and you know she's after for the intrinsic merits of dating, partnership and you know-what's-next, why not. Dating stage pa lang naman. hehe.

[sacred cow]

Haha. I won't.  But i think there's nothing wrong giving single moms a chance at dating. Mahuhuli mo naman siguro yung tipong ang habol ay katulong sa pagpalaki ng mga bata. Mapapansin mo rin sa iba sa kwento nila yung bigat ng responsibility nila. Guys run away from those who sound like they're already carrying a heavy luggage.  But if you're genuinely attracted to each other, and she can take care of herself, and you know she's after for the intrinsic merits of dating, partnership and you know-what's-next, why not. Dating stage pa lang naman. hehe.

Yup, nothing wrong naman to give them a chance. single moms need love too

[viellemacey]

Mahuhuli mo naman siguro yung tipong ang habol ay katulong sa pagpalaki ng mga bata.

katulong ba saan? finances? o sa paggabay lang? ( paggabay talaga yung term. haha ).

@anon, ofcourse kasi hindi lang naman ako yung makikisama pati yung baby ko. kung ayaw nya at hindi naman sya magiging masaya so bakit ko pa ipipilit di ba.

[ragnar_danneskjold]

^HAHAHAHAHA! Ngayon ko lang napansin yung katulong, LOL!

[viellemacey]

^that term is too broad kasi

what if sinabi ni single mom "you don't have to worry about my kid's finances, i'll take care of that". tatanggapin nyo ba?

[ragnar_danneskjold]

^that term is too broad kasi

what if sinabi ni single mom "you don't have to worry about my kid's finances, i'll take care of that". tatanggapin nyo ba?

If we accept it, would it build a strong relationship? i don't think so. IMO, you both have to be in it together, through thick and thin, through weight loss or weight gain (save for cases when the biological father will be supporting the child). besides, i guess magulo pag may arrangement na ganyan. if a guy really loves her, i don't think kaya syang tiisin. he will help her in any way he can. that's why i think there should be a genuine / intrinsic desire to be with the guy--not just go into relationship as a pretext to soliciting support from a love partner. support will come naturally when there's genuine love and caring in your relationship. apologies if this sounds daft but i believe in the power of attraction. once it gains traction, a tight hold on you, you won't be able to stop it, even if other people tell you that you're choosing a non-virgin (sorry for the term) or any label people use.

just to be clear, my context here is post-dating. that is, cohabiting or marriage (if the single mom didn't marry the bastard). if you're still in the dating stage, the guy will still be weighing things, making cost-benefit analysis, etc. at this stage, you don't have to worry yet if the guy will accept you or not. just be yourself, i.e., your polished self after you've learned from your mistakes. and don't make a fuss about the child if you know you can support her all by yourself.

[mrsB]

what if sinabi ni single mom "you don't have to worry about my kid's finances, i'll take care of that". tatanggapin nyo ba?

Hmm, mahirap ito pag marriage na ang usapan. Pag marriage kasi, common money na (at least kung hindi ka si Kris Aquino ha) Whatever it is that you would allot to your kid's needs, bawas pa rin sa common money ng whole family. So hindi mo pwede sabihing "ako ang bahalang gumastos sa anak ko." Unless nga may child support talaga yung bata from the biological father na mako-cover talaga ALL the needs of the child.

This is from purely an economic point of view lang lang ha.

But I still believe na hindi naman lahat ay economic ang concerns. Naniniwala ako na may mga lalaki ding kaya talagang i-embrace fully ang anak sa iba ng babaeng talagang gusto niya.

[viellemacey]

But I still believe na hindi naman lahat ay economic ang concerns. Naniniwala ako na may mga lalaki ding kaya talagang i-embrace fully ang anak sa iba ng babaeng talagang gusto niya.

i agree but they're so hard to find. minsan we don't get them in the first try, sometimes its a trial-and-error. worst is there's an innocent child/children involve already.

[Girltalker2]

sobra naman yung ukay ukay or 2nd hand goods na term. sorry ha but i don't see myself that way. nobody should. i know i have so much to offer possibly more than some single women out there. pero if a guy can't see that, it's his problem not mine. sabi nga "how you see yourself is how others will view you.". kaya tingin ko sa sarili ko ginto hehe! think positive!

That's how I read how guys see it in general.  kahit pa naman I don't think so, that's how young/immature guys see it.  pero kung ganun din naman sila, bakit kelangan patulan di ba?

Another question I have for single moms - kapag naging adult na ang mga kids ninyo, are you open for them to marry single moms?
Parang kahit papano kasi, ang argument ko lang dyan, kung papapiliin between single and between someone with an extra baggage, kahit ako mismo single mom, I'd not recommend it.  In fact I once dated a guy who is single.  Napag usapan iyan, I myself encourage him to date other people at hindi lang ako, because I don't see myself with him.  Iba ang wavelength.

i agree but they're so hard to find. minsan we don't get them in the first try, sometimes its a trial-and-error. worst is there's an innocent child/children involve already.

 
Hindi naman totally trial and error.  Nagkamali na tayo before, therefore the key is to be wiser.  Dapat nakalista na ang criteria (haha para wala kang mamiss!).  Kung hindi pasado, huwag na bigyan ng chance at sayang lang sa precious time natin.

Agree they're hard to find... in Asia.  Or at least if you are only looking at Asians. It is because of the culture.