Outgrowing Your Friends

[Kady_14]

I think i'm in this situation now. Anyone experiencing this too?

I just think some of my friends are not ageing right, o baka naman umadvance lang ang tanda ng utak ko. We are in our early 30's. I don't have problems with them it's just their reasoning sometimes. We've been friends since HS.

- friend1 - magastos, daming gustong ka-sosyalan pero when she bought an item from me, jusme ininstallment, ok sana kung ininform nya ako before she the item kaso hindi kasi yun ang napagusapan namin, I gave her the item discounted na nga then ininstallment pa. ma-date with bf, kung saan saang "sosy" place and panay update sa fb pero never pa naming na-meet si guy ng personal. We don't know why ayaw niya ipakilala or sadyang umiiiwas si guy. Hindi ako nakasama sa girls night out coz I had a prev engagement. Sabi nya sa akin iwan ko na lang daw mga anak ko and sleepover at (another friend's) house. Sabi ko OK ka lang, hehe. Kapag me gathering kami parang na OOA-an ako sa kanya kasi para bang her reasoning and the things she's excited with are for those who are in their teens. lol.

- friend2 - hindi ko alam ano ang gusto nya palabasin, hahaha.... very proud about her life na she's earning big and i'll quote her "she's able" to provide for herself, bilin mga gusto nya, kung anung uso and anung gadget meron siya. In short she wants to say na very proud sya sa achievements nya. Ok fine, sige magaling ka na. Pero dear, do I have to remind you that you work at your parents company (try going outside and let's see kung makuha mo yang post mo) Also the extra dough you spend on your expensive gadgets, clothes wants. Oo naman, eh you live with your parents eh, so libre kuryente, food etc. the company shoulders your gas and phone bills. Kaya pwede ba, wag mo pamukha yan sa akin. Sige kapag nakatira ka na sa sarili mong bahay, ngbabayad ng kuryente and all, ngpapaaral tapos nagagawa mo pa rin yang mga yan saka mo na sabihin sa akin na "ikaw na" hahaha....

I dunno but i'm sad that I think they changed or is it just me who's changed. Parang I don't look forward to meeting them na lalo if mga ganyang usapan lang ang pagkakaubusan ng oras namin. There was even a time in FB na there was a group chat and then someone said, bakit dito pa tayo ngusap e pwede naman I iMessage? Sabi ko dito kayo sumagot hindi lahat naka iPhone. (me and other friends) hehe....

Love ko pa naman sila, iniisip ko mali ba ako or talagang nag-iba na sila.

[freelancer_babe]

^ It's probably you who changed - kung alam mo nang ganyan si friend1 and friend2 in the place. But it's probably you who changed for the better. 

Ako rin ganyan, may mga friends rin akong na-a-outgrow - the high school ones. I don't burn the bridges though, pero di na talaga tulad ng dati rin. We meet only when there are occasions pero di na namin ginagawa ang tulad ng dati - my excuse: busy with work/family or whatever. LOL.

Ganyan talaga I think. Friends come and go. I have different set of friends now who share my passions/hobbies/interests. It's not really worth the time and effort to surround myself with people whom I have problems relating with.

[spacemonkey]

been there.

i guess im still friends with my HS friends, but i haven't seen or hung out with them for more than a year now.

there was a time that i thought they were pretty cool people, then came college and graduation and work, and the same things we used to have in common just didn't click with me anymore. i don't care about boys and what cars they're driving, i don't care about high school gossip and which high school batchmate is now a lesbian, i didn't care about clothes and shoes like i used to...

same goes for my college friends... they were my friends during the phase of my life when i was trying to be the bad girl and rebelling. we used to be all about the hard parties and drugs and boys.... now i see them on Facebook, and they're still into that, and everything on their photos are from clubs/parties. i don't get it. they're exactly where i left them 8 years ago.

i'm just like, dudes -- aren't you sick of that yet? you've been doing the same fucking thing for years with same people and the same places. come. the. fuck. on! why don't you try being a doctor or something.



theres no bad blood between us though. once in a while i get invites from them and i politely turn it down if im really not in the mood. i get birthday greetings and an occasional 'i miss you!!! lets hang soon, ya?'. i don't know if they talk about me behind my back, they probably do, but i honestly don't give a fuck anymore.

[akthung]

sis threadstarter,

ang tawag diyan eh: tumatanda na tayo. ha-ha-ha-ha.

i think 90% of us go through that.  when i was in my late teens, my parents would always tell me

"ganyan talaga ang age mo, until your 20s pa, na mas importante ang friends kaysa lahat"

pakikisama ang pinakaimportante sa lahat. na tipong you'll keep a blind eye sa mga red flags na nakikita niyo sa mga tao.

but when life gets complicated, ayan na, matira matibay. ang mahinang samahan, nawawala agad.

lalo na kung yung tao eh kakaiba ang prinsipyo sa buhay.

in the end, when SHTF, 90% of the time, if not 100% pamilya ang tutulong. lalo na kung mabigat ang problema. you'll end up choosing who to be with. na mas gusto mo na handful lang ang friends mo, tunay na friends mo, as opposed dun sa friend ka lang nila sa good time at pangangailangan.

tsaka when we grow old kasi, mas lalo nating nakikilala sarili natin, kung ano gusto natin, kung anong paniniwala. minsan, tayo na mismo ang nag-iiba. or on the other hand, refuse to change.

so if you and your friends do not grow together, talagang you'll grow apart.

like friend #2 mo, for her, being part of the family business is "the way". kaya yun ang pinili niya. on the other hand, may mga tao naman na naniniwala, mahalaga ang mamuhay solo, hiwalay sa lahat. no such thing as family business etc etc. kung iisipin mo sis, pareho lang kayo ng situation: tingin niyo tama kayo. personally, in these modern times, imho pera pera talaga ang usapan. kung sino ang mainggay, yun ang sore loser. if she's mentally harmful, then let her be muna. sa iba sya mag yabang.

as for your friend #1,

hayaan mo siya. may pamilya ka din naman. kung tunay siyang (or sila) friend she'll understand and keep in touch. money matters.:be firm and clear. if you want to be lenient kasi sa samahan niyo, nasa iyo na yan. but tow the line somewhere. and lend only what you can afford to lose.

madaming isda sa dagat. don't worry too much. let go if you need to.

[xtine]

Ako naman its the other way around.  I am more close to people that I am not comfortable with nung HS.  Me and my original friends just drifted apart, pero when I got a chance to hang out with another HS classmate of mine na di ko kasundo nung HS, kami pa ang naging close ngayon.  Sya pa ang nasasabihan ko ng personal stories than my original HS friends.  I guess, all of us grows up, pwedeng paurong or for the better.

[KVsWahmmy]

Going through the same thing. Although nagkaron naman talaga kami ng falling out ng isa sa highschool kabarkada ko, the others, we didn't stay in communication lang din talaga. and even siguro if wala nang galit-galit ngayon, wala I can't relate na to them or them to me. Iba na ang priorities ko ngayon, family na talaga. Sila, let's just say enjoying being single with a job or married with no kids yet. Tapos na din ako sa phase na yon for sometime so wala na talagang connect.

My college friends, I'm still in constant communication with. Three of us may kids na, the others still single. Though we can't relate na on exactly the same levels, we're all pretty much in good terms, and when we do meet up isa lang naalala namin - tumawa ng tumawa. That's our favorite thing to do noon at hanggang ngayon (at kumain pala). Hehe. I guess it depends din siguro on what your bond was based on as friends.

[insta_momma]

I agree with akthung, ganyan talaga kapag tumatanda. after I gave birth some of my friends changed, I'm referring to single friends without children.. noon lagi naman sila nagaaya magmeet pero ngayon as in wala, deadma sila. sabi pa nga sakin ng isa kong friend, ibang-iba na raw ako ngayon etc.. I don't think she meant it in a nice way.. ano magagawa ko eh mas busy naman na talaga ako than before kasi I have a baby and I'm working. ganun yata talaga, when you have different priorities in life nag iiba na rin interests niyo. I'm in my late 20s na, when I see some of my HS or college batchmated in FB and they are still single, ibang iba ginagawa nila sakin, they go out at night, etc. pero ako ang kaligayahan ko na is my baby, my family. siguro ganun din sila sakin, iniisip siguro nila, what's the big deal with my baby and all, syempre yun feeling na proud ako sa baby ko, di sila nakaka-relate dun. normal naman yata ganun, someone will always be left out, either yung natitirang single sa group of friends or yung unang nagkaron ng family sa friends.

[aquacharly]

Everybody changes due to shifting interests & priorities.  Atchaka, oo nga, as AKTHUNG says: tumatanda!
But I try not to burn bridges nor close doors.

As I matured (ahem! May maturity na ko, sa akala ko, lol) --  I learned to be more patient & forgiving.
I decided that falling off another's radar  is the better option to confrontation/slamming doors on friendships. 
I learned from  forever living my waking hours with my darling Lila that friendships are like loops of different shapes and sizes.  Eventually, your loops will again intersect/overlap -- and 2 people can resume a shelved/frozen (haha) relationship  to enjoy a more mature & deep friendship. 

So there, whether I approve or disapprove of BFFs' current interests/lifestyles -- I really try not to judge UNLESS I am asked by the person mismo (hehe). 
Who am I to judge?  What do I know of his/her fears, dreams, burdens?  Ganon iniisip ko na lang kasi it comes  easy to me to judge eh. Bad.
Sabi nga: Walang basagan ng trip.
I add: Live & let die (I know, it's supposed to be Live & let live. Lol)
So I mentally post a sign: Bridge closed temporarily for repairs.
I smile, then avoid that person (for years, hehe). 
-- I want a person to always remember me last as smiling/laughing; or better, napatawa  ko sya. 

[hershey]

Sis TS normal lang yan. Kasi ako iniiwasan ko na iyong friends ko ng hs kasi puro chismis lang gusto pag -usapan. Para pa din silang nasa hs kaya di na lang  ako nagpaparamdam sa kanila. Sabi nga ni sis aquacharly  falling out of their radars but no to burning bridges

[lisse]

I share the same sentiments sometimes, but then I don't really voice out, much less to them, what I think or feel about the whole thing, especially since it's their lives. When I think right down to it, hindi ko naman talaga alam ang buong story eh. While I have been vocal in refusing some invites, that doesn't mean that I don't keep in touch na. THanks to FB, or emails and IMs we can still manage to be a part of someone's life without actually being "in" it.
It is also possible na we all mature differently, sometimes some of us ang agang nagmature, while the rest late bloomers or something. or simply, dun sa ganong lifestyle sila masaya eh.
Many times, I admit that I catch myself saying, "I'm too old for this!" lol!

[akthung]

I add: Live & let die (I know, it's supposed o be Live & let live. Lol)

When you were young and your heart was an open book

You used to say live and let live

(You know you did, you know you did you know you did)

But if this ever changing world in which we live in

Makes you give in and cry

Say live and let die

[riksy07]

I guess this is what I am going through right now. I actually posted in another thread, the one on avoiding friends, because that's what I did to them. It is not actually avoiding them like they are the plague but more of lessening the time I spend with them and lessening the things I talk to them about. More like being a recluse.

The hard part is that we are officemates which means we are forced to see each other everyday. From being a close-knit trio, we are now down to a duo and a solo act at the office. I think our friendship has reached that point wherein I don't want to be hanging out with them much anymore, I don't want to do the things we used to do anymore. I don't feel happy around them anymore. It's like the vibe is always negative with all the complaints, rants, and gossip about the workplace that I hear from them. But even if the friendship has reached at point, I don't want to sever it completely. That is why I resorted to just being silent about it. I would still talk to them if need be. But the decrease in our interaction has been very dramatic.

Is it wrong for me to feel that I don't want to be around them all the time anymore? I feel like I really left them hanging. I am not a confrontational person that is why I just started to be silent and all. I felt that if I still said something, I might say something they may not like or misinterpret and that could lead to more trouble.

[angelzero]

i didn't exactly outgrow my hs friends. wala lang chance magkita madalas kasi busy tsaka magkakalayo na kami except for the closest one to me. i still see her every now and then. but everytime the whole barkada meets, nakakamiss talaga. kahit iba iba na kami ng priorities, at "ugali" somehow, we still find a common ground.

sa college friends naman, i am only close to 3 na lang. yung iba hindi ko na close kasi nasa abroad na. yung iba naman hindi ko ma-explain bakit kami nag fall apart. especially to this one friend. we used to be close like sisters. now, parang hindi kami magkakilala. she's been avoiding us with all her might. i just don't get why she has to pull away. i already gave up trying to reach out to her. parang ibang tao na talaga sya.

this is the age that i'm starting to lose friends. and i don't have a lot to begin with.

[solepurplelife]

From my own experience naman I dont think na Im outgrowing my friends, tingin ko is Im still the same and they're just isip bata.  Well I have this friend na 5 years older than most of the barkada. Feeling ko she's deprived sa bahay nila of the things na people of our age should experience kaya whenever magkakasama kami para syang nakawala. 
Isang beses we had an overnight kwentuhan lang to our friend's house and we're surprised pinayagan sya. Whenever kasi we have gala like out of town she would reason out na her father won't allow her kaya kapag may hang outs kami madalas wala sya. When were in college she's already 25 kaya it got me thinking na at her age she should've learn to stand on her own and at least have the courage man lang na magpaaalam ng maayos.
So that night nga I think siguro nagmature na sya, but then I just thought so.  Were starting to have a few drinks nun and were having a good time when this friend biglaan na lang nagsabi na she's lasing na daw. Like omg? we only had one glass pa lang of WINE? In my mind natawa na lang ako. Then hindi pa pala dun natapos pagka immature nya she started acting like lasing talaga and making kwento of her love problems. Her stupidity hits me kaya binara ko sya and I told her na as long as ganyan ugali nya wala talagang guy na seseryoso sa kanya.  She got hurt siguro and she told me na she kind of expected that kind of reaction from me. Some of our friends winked parang saying na they liked what I did.  Iniisip ko naman okay lang na magtampo sya atleast mapag-isip isip nya gingawa nya. She should act her age. 

[miss resilient]

outgrowing my friends??

hindi naman ..up to this time magkakaibigan pa rin kami kahit d na madalas magkasama.

the time i was confined in the hospital, dumating yung hs friend ko and shempre..tats ako ahahahah

yung iba kasi narerealized lang natin na hindi pala sila yung dating tao na nakilala natin..pero siguro hindi lang talaga natin sila kilala kung sino talaga sila.

for me kapag ganun,...they are not our true friends at all..at siguro ganun din tayo sa kanila...

[theshopaholicprincess]

siguro yung outgrowing my friends eh yung mga kababata ko... kasi nag iba na yung priorities at yung goals namin sa buhay. Sila mas gusto nila tambay lang at mag work when lang kailangan. Saka noon ayaw ko pa na ugali nila eh nang dahil lang sa lalaki away away at kampi kampihan. Ayaw ko kasi ng ganun eh. As much as possible ayoko ng stress sa buhay ko noon tapos nag aaral pa ako ng college. Mas pinili ko magtapos ng pag aaral and tried my luck in corporate world kesa forever ako na tambay or pa lunch lunch lang sa tagaytay or inom inom sa mga bars then kupit pera sa magulang.

Yung mga natitira kong close friends is from HS and college. Nung single ako madalas kami mag out of town or mag overnight get aways. Though nabawasan ngayon yung gimik namin dahil yung iba samin nag settle down na or busy sa career pero at least once or twice a year we still meet or pag may chance na magkita kita. Hindi kami regular nag sasama sama pero pag may events we tried our best to meet each other. Alam ko naman when there's a "need" or time na kelangan ko sila alam ko andyan lang sila for me.

Sa officemates naman ang pinaka closest ko eh yung sa una kong job. Kahit na may mga asawa na kami we see to it na nag mmeet din kami pag may mga occassions and get togethers. Kumbaga kahit limited lang yung friends ko lahat naman sila alam ko na genuine friends. Nakakatuwa nga minsan pag nag uusap kami about future na nakikita namin magkakaibigan din mga anak namin ang sarap din sa pakiramdam.

To TS siguro pag meron ka na pamilya you really grow up and prioritize things that matter. Sa singles kasi ang mantra nila sa buhay eh live life to the fullest. Satin mga working moms we need to put on top of our list yung family needs especially kid/s. Honestly ngayon nga pag may yaya ng get together na need mag overnight, sinasama ko talaga baby ko kasi hindi ko rin kayang isipin na aalis ako ng bahay na di ko katabi anak ko sa pagtulog. Siguro it's just we've changed and matured. 

[nicola_juliano]

For me, happy ako sa naging achievements nila. Pinupush through ko pa nga sila to make it happen lalo na if alam kong nakakabuti sa kanila. I never ever think na mas malaki sweldo nila, may kotse sila, ako wala, mas updated sila sa gadgets and etc. I didn't mind those things. Even may friends akong may nagmamahangin or I know nag-iiba na sila ng gugali, I just let it go and move forward. Ganun talaga, merong mga ganon. Hindi siguro talaga yan maiiwasan. Yeah, naiinggit ako before but when I realized what are my priorities in life at [textspeak!]-ano mga gusto kong gawin, nawala na inggit ko. I just forget it and go achieve my dreams. Hindi na ulet ako naiinggit after non and happy ako sa mga achievements nila.

What matters most is yung pinagsamahan nyo nung mga nag-aaral pa kayo. That is what we should treasure.

[pretty_in_white]

I don't want to think that I have outgrown my friends. We are not that close na nga Lang talaga and I understand because some of them are married with kids already. TS are you still actively pursuing your career or are you a full time mom?

Siguro " live and let die" na nga lang hehe Hindi naman siguro intention ng friend mo to brag, she just enjoys the things you probably don't anymore since your prioritizing your kids now.

In a similar situation, I feel that my hs friends and I have grown very different. It's not to say that I have matured more and that they weren't able to keep up, iba lang talaga siguro. We all like to travel, iba iba nga Lang ang destination. They like simple outfits, I love dressing up. Some are contented with their current jobs, I'm more aggressive because I want to achieve more in life. They are more serious , when I'm not at work, I like to chill. Nonetheless I love my friends and I do not want to outgrow them.

[simang]

People change. So i guess 'outgrowing' your friends is normal. But it doesnt mean na you're no longer friends or what, siguro it just means na less na connection/relatability nyo with each other since magkaiba na kayo ng mundo.

[JINJIN:*]

yes, this is very normal. Either ikaw ang naiwan or ikaw ang nangiwan. Syempre people change, people grow..iba ibang ng kwento pagdating ng college then after college then ibang kwento nanaman kapag nagwowork ka na, lalo na if you have your own family na.

Tama sila sisses, just dont burn bridges. Kung hindi ka na happy kapag kasama sila, or hindi mu na trip yung trip nila...just be nice to say NO. Magdahilan ka nalang. Minsan masaya parin naman sila kasama lalo na sa mga reunions diba.