filipino-chinese relationships 2

[little_princess]

^ If toasting, it's usually Moet, ok naman yung taste kasi champagne lang

[Mitchieme]

Where can I buy it kaya?

[bagaholic_chewy]

^ me Moet sa Rustan's or any wine/spirits store.

[Mitchieme]

How much kaya sis?

and  what about sa cake? i talked to estrels sa timog sadly they do not serve daw layer cakes this december nakakainis nga eh ang weird.. when i talked yestersday sa isang staff wala namn sinabi na hindi na pwede yung 2 layer cake.. hay.. any suggestion naman po.

[little_princess]

around Php2200-2500 depending on where you buy.

sis, i suggest you go to the engagements and weddings section. there is a lot of threads for wedding planning like wines and cakes and even civil ceremony. there is even a thread for chinese weddings

[chicafabulosa]

I agree with sis littleprincess you can ask help from wedding planners. Are you also planning to serve wine with your food?

[chicafabulosa]

I see. Moet is a nice choice na.

[dgirlsorightforme]

Hi guys,

I've been reading this forum for awhile and this is my first time posting something of this sort. It's delightful reading all types of trials and tribulations between the races. Now, I would like to ask a tsinay's perspective on my dilemma. You see, I've been in love with the same tsinay for 8 years with mixed results. Now, I'm planning on something big and quasi drastic.  Before I do that though, your opinion would greatly help me ponder on my options.

First off, I'd like to provide you with a brief summary of the participants of this love tale and a history of my relationship with the girl aka "the1".  The1 possesses every trait I desire from a woman and comes from a well off traditional Chinese family. She is also in her mid 30s and has been thru the kai siao phase to no avail.  I on the other hand am pinoy, middle class, with multiple titles to my name. On our first stint, she told me that her family preferred her dating a chinese man but expressed that she loved me nonetheless.  Dissapointed with the outcome, I kept my distance knowing that it would be improbable to be accepted by her family and my fear of being a wrecker of one. We remained close in our hearts but distant through communication. Through this time, I knew deep within myself that my heart shall forever be hers.

A couple of years after through some kind of divine intervention, our paths crossed once again and this time there was something different that transpired.  She spoke of loving me through all those years we've been apart citing unrequithed love and all that jazz.  I was happy that the was the case because my love never wavered nor faltered, just remained idle.  I believed how noble her intentions were, this was true love indeed. In that second stint, she finally told her immediate family and some close relatives that she was seeing me and that we were together. Through her account, her family seemed to approve of our relationship.  In light of this, I decided to lay all my cards and let my guard down for this woman who I adored and I dreamt of being my wife. We made up for lost time and during that 4 months we talked about married life, kids, dreams, travel and made love incessantly. It was heaven, I've never been that at peace in my entire existence.

And then it came without warning, she said we cant be together anymore because a family friend, a so called feng shui expert, told her that great tragedy would befall her if we ended up together. WTF?! She advised me that all she can be is a friend and no other.  Consequently, she changed her phone and email address so that I wont be able to reach her after my failed attempt of convincing her how ridiculous it was to put your faith on feng shui. Then that was it, after all the sweet promises and dreams partially discussed, it ended.  It was my fault for not fighting for our love because I had so many things going on for me at that time and I believed that it was unfair for her to do that to me especially believing this quack doctor over what she felt.

Now, I'm done with the things that kept me from pursuing her once more.  This is where your valuable inputs would guide me on my next act.  I know whom my heart is happiest with and thats with her, so I plan on this 3rd stint and hopefully, the last if it is successful.  This time, I will never give up on her and our love even if she thinks she knows that its not right to be with me. 

Any suggestions guys?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

[Girltalker2]

^ Syempre unang step, kelangan magkausap ulit kayo. Pag usapan ninyo

1.  Self reflection Bro --- make sure you emphasize these points kung positive ang answers mo sa mga questions below.

How worthy do you think you are such that the odds na bibigyan mo sya ng sakit sa ulo ay nil?

I understand she is from a well off family, are you financially stable such that you can provide for her and your future family nang wala kang ibang pinapakain sa side mo (immediate family like siblings and parents and other relatives)?

Do you have vices - umiinom ka ba, nambababae or mabarkada?

Are you sure you can make her happy and be sensitive enough to her needs and listen to her? Are you compatible? 

Are you willing to adjust that extra mile sa customs ng chinese family without thinking that they are OA?

2.  Question about the girl naman.

What does she want in life?  Hindi nalang mag asawa ever or pakasalan ka?  Does she really love you enough?  Option ka lang ba sa kanya? 

How many years apart pala kayo (baka 3 years or 6 years??). Hanap pa kamo kayo ng 2nd feng shui expert, baka iba ang opinion. 

[dgirlsorightforme]

Hi Girltalker2, thank you very much for the advice.  You've been an avid viewer and poster of this forum, for that reason I truly appreciate that you gave preference on my predicament. 

Indeed, the first step should be initiating the conversation but here lies the dilemma. If I may, I would like to confer with you in private regarding the steps I may take. (Please?)

Regarding the other points you've raised, I would like to expressly convey my thoughts so that other readers would be so kind to give their two centavos as to my state of mind and heart.  The cited points are as follows:

    1. It would be highly improbable that I be a source of heart ache or head ache.  I say this because I placed her on a pedestal even with her shortcomings for the 8 years I've known her.  However, it would be ludicrous to say that the odds of this happening are nil.  There may be a slim chance of this occurring and if it does, I am sure that it will not be in titanic proportions given our history.

    2. I come from a middle class family.  These days, the meaning of being middle class varies on the proponent and his social background.  On my end, middle class would pertain to a family without businesses but composed of high earning professionals modestly owning a couple of real and personal properties. Hers is the typical silent and humble rich chinese family from the province accustomed to the jetsetting lifestyle.
        To answer your query, I believe I can provide for her present and future needs which may even exceed expectations since my profession is a very lucrative one.  My immediate family would be able to sustain themselves without my aid due to their vocations.

     3.  Unfortunately, I do drink and am friendly which is a norm in my field.  I have fully disclosed this part to her and she has no qualms about it as long as it kept in check. 

     4.  If texting and emailing her everyday as well as a lack of tampuhan, outbursts, and fights is a sign of sensitivity and compatibility, then we are guilty of it. Kidding aside, I truly believe we are compatible because there was never a dull moment between the two of us.  Missing you's and I love you's have never felt contrived, forced, nor tiring during our conversations, which is a big irritating factor for me since it diminishes the meaning of those phrases.

    5.  Lastly, I sincerely believe I can make amends of not being chinese by learning the tsinoy culture and language to bridge the gap between myself and her family.  I will go from hell and back just to be with her.  Actually, she was the one who disuaded me from doing this as if she wanted to escape from that culture.  Her exact words were "we should be by ourselves when we get married".  I, on the other hand, completely disagreed with her saying that it would be best if we stayed close to the tradition and to her family.  Sigh, its a crying shame to sometimes think whether I said the right thing or not. Sob

Now, as to her side, obviously it would be quite laughable for me to answer on her behalf although I can attest that she has simple but laudable ambitions (which I shall keep to myself to conceal my identity and reduce the risk of my plan being foiled, this being an open forum site and all hehe); and is looking for a man who can provide and maintain her modest lifestyle, which is really suprising given her fortune. She is a year older than me. I totally agree that we should get a second opinion, blasted fengshui expert!!!

Thank you so much Girltalker2 for your insights. You've been great help. Anticipating to hear more from you. 

[cindylulu]

^^it seems you don't respect her enough. she believes in feng shui yet you scoff at it? you are fighting against culture itself. of course, she will choose her culture over you.

[dgirlsorightforme]

@cindylulu ----> I humbly agree with your observation. I am guilty of letting my emotions get the best of me in criticizing feng shui regarding matters of the heart, who wouldn't be? Imagine, the love of your life forced to choose between happiness and mediocrity.  I apologize for my partial view and if it struck a chord. I pray that her family would be more accepting and openminded than yours cindy.  Thank you.

@little_princess---> Congratulations to you guys!!! How I envy your story. I am so elated to know that I can relate to your situation.

I agree that we should get a second feng shui opinion from an expert other than a close family friend to avoid partiality. I have the utmost respect for feng shui especially on corporeal objects and business endeavors which my family also practices. Although feng shui on intrinsic subjects remain alien to me, I wish to learn more about it to understand the intricacies of the culture. I admit that my negative views originated from this blindsiding event, to be considered a logical outcome in a layman's perspective.

The cure you speak of is quite intriguing and I'm eager to discover it through this journey. Thank you.  I wish I can consult with you from time to time due to the similarity of our stories.

[stameygirl]

^ Your feng shui expert is non-Chi? Where can I find him?

[little_princess]

^ She is half Chinese but very good. Unfortunately, she is only by referral and you would have to give your birthday first and she will decide if she will see you

[cindylulu]

@cindylulu ----> I humbly agree with your observation. I am guilty of letting my emotions get the best of me in criticizing feng shui regarding matters of the heart, who wouldn't be? Imagine, the love of your life forced to choose between happiness and mediocrity.  I apologize for my partial view and if it struck a chord. I pray that her family would be more accepting and openminded than yours cindy.  Thank you.

And you're so open-minded and logical that you considered feng shui mediocre? if you're that open-minded then you should know better that feng shui is deeply ingrained in our culture. What more for the girl of your dreams who I discern to be coming from a traditional Chinese family. since you're at the losing end of the equation, I suggest you should immerse yourself in our culture by exposing yourself to Chinese tradition, norms and mores, especially that of your girl's family traditions. Surround yourself with Chinese friends and study how they interact with each other and with non-chi. Learning the language, be it mandarin, hokkien or Cantonese, is not enough but it's a start though language barely scratches the surface. This way you would learn to respect and understand why we're clannish in nature. Here's a tip. if the girl of your dreams is not the eldest daughter and/or she has brothers, the elders are usually more forgiving when the girl marries a non-chi. reason being, she would not carry the revered family name anyway. but like any other traditional families, be it pinoy or chinoy, woo her family first. it's very very important that her family would get to like you, likewise, she with your family too. why? so you will have a peaceful life together without carrying emotional baggage from both sides. this is fundamentally good feng shui transcending any culture.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

dgirlsorightforme: So sorry to hear that feng shui showed that something 'tragic' can happen to her if ever she pursues being with you. Let me tell you a story. I have a friend named 'D'. D has an older brother named 'P'. Well, 'P' had a girlfriend named 'J'. In college, 'P' got 'J' pregnant. By the way, both P & J are Filipino-Chinese, so belief in Feng Shui was no question. Anyway, because J was pregnant, they decided to get hitched. In all the haste, they missed to check if there were consequences for their union. Anyway, they later went to see one and they have been told that as a result of their union, 'J's' Dad will most likely not reach a certain age... and yes, indeed! That is what happened. J's Dad passed away. As there was a change in the composition of their family, they once again consulted a feng shui expert.. At that point, they have 2 children; they were told that they needed to have a 3rd child so that they will be blessed further if they have a 3rd child and they followed that advice and soon after, business soared way much better than the usual and other great things started happening. Bottom line, the point is that people believe and take these things seriously within our circles because time and experience has taught us to do so. Nonetheless, like what little_princess said, there are ways to somehow "counter" these things. Perhaps, seeing another feng shui expert will help ease your doubts once it has been confirmed by a 2nd person. Good luck!!!

[dgirlsorightforme]

@cindylulu --> Thank you very much for the advice. I am guilty of narrow-mindedness as to the effect of feng shui in matters of the heart but as to other facets of life, I accept its importance by practicing it in my career. I have affirmative answers to your queries. I am eager to earn her family's trust and approval even if I have to beg them for her hand while dancing the futterwacken.  Sigh, love made me an irrational being but I'd rather be happy than pedestrian.

@insanelypurpleprincess  --> I am grateful for the insights.  If this is how fengshui is revered, I will find a cure for my situation if it exists.  Maybe you can refer me to an expert I can consult regarding my dilemma. However, I need to woo her back first even if I start with friendship.

Ladies, kindly provide us pinoy vagabonds with more acumen as to the chinoy's tradition with family and love.  If you would permit me, may I consult with you in private regarding the matter. I would be in your debt for a lifetime.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

dgirlsorightforme: Pleasure's all mine and do feel free to confer via PM. Will extend whatever I can to help you find solutions to your concerns. Good luck nonetheless!!!

[dgirlsorightforme]

Thank you insanelypurpleprincess. I truly appreciate your offer. I just sent you a private message.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

^ thought you should know that I did not get anything when I checked.