mother forced me to have abortion before.. now wants me to leave my husband

[evilwoman]

^siguro naman di na uungkatin ang sa abortion kasi sya ang promotor nun e..

Pero carljin wag na wag makakarating sa nanay mo ang fear mo about that abortion issue dahil siguradong gagamitin nya yan against you.

[cheskacruz]

It's time for you to stand and stop her from ruining your life. She may have plans for you but she has just gone way too much.

If you can't confront her, write her a letter. Enumerate and explain the things you want her to know. How you feel and how she acts about these things and how you react to it.

But do not forget to tell her you love her, thank her for all the sacrifices she has done. Show her that even if you feel she is a threat to your life there are still other things that you are thankful for.

She is living a bitter life and sa'yo niya nabubuhos yun. She is still your mother, she may be the craziest and the most evil but there should always be a place in your heart that you are willing to forgive her and that you are thankful to have her. It will soften her heart, she will understand although I know ma-pride siya but let her slowly understand how it has ruined your life, she may not have a clue kasi but think about it - she is a lonely person also.

I hope things work for you soon. Good Luck.

[trendy]

why don't you and your family just stay away from her for the rest of your lives? let her live and die alone (well, she has your step dad) and lonely.

enough is enough. you don't have to thank her for all the sacrifices she made for you while you were growing up, that's her job as your mom. she killed your baby, it's more than enough to make up for everything she did for you.

again, stay away from her. disown her if you must.

[brattyjen]

You have your own life to live.  She doesn't have a hold on you.  Decision is always yours.

[erich84]

Kumusta na kaya si sis carlijn??? Pls update us sis..

[molybdenumstudios]

Sis carlijn, I suggest mag-rant ka na lang online at iparating sa kanya na wala siyang kwentang ina. Joke lang.

Anyways, you have to harass her publicly online, para matauhan siya. This may seem a very bad advice, but you know there are maxims in life that you should follow, at least.

Let me explain what maxims are: It's a matter between life and death, and when the bad becomes good/right.

[username.taken]

i feel sorry for you, sis. but at the same time, dapat from the very beginning, hindi mo na hayaang totally i-manipulate ng mom mo ang buhay mo. mali din kasi yung lagi kang nagigive in. and i'm sorry, but i beg to disagree na your mom killed your baby. you let your mom kill your baby.

my advice to you is first, go see a professional to help you cope up with whatever this whole fiasco has brought in to you and your family's life. second, please fight back. get out of your mom's shadow once and for all. following all her commands like a puppy did not do you any good, did it? third, may sarili ka ng pamilya, sila na dapat priority mo and not your selfish mom. fourth, wag mo na pakawalan husband mo. swerte mo at napaka patient niya.

let go of your mom, sis. maybe that's when she'll realize all the mistakes that she has done. pag nawala na sa kanya ang anak niya.

[molybdenumstudios]

Sis carlijn I have to agree with sis username.taken. Mukhang mahina ang loob mo para harapin ang mother mo. Tono pa lang, you still find a hard time seeking for strength.

If I were you sis carlijn you should rant out and humiliate her online. Try it, don't be afraid. Remember the maxim that I explained to you.

[carlijn]

Hello mga sis,

thanks for all your replies, I have not been communicating with my mother since we left the house, mula pa nang magkasagutan sila ni hubby as well as nung kami mismo ang nagkasagutan.  Lumipas ang birthday nya at mother's day ng walang greeting or any paramdam from me.  Napabinyagan ko na din baby ko sa wakas dahil super nadelay dahil sa kanya and I did not invite her nor anyone who was in her shadow at iba pa nyang alipores.   All my relatives who seem to take her side, I have also already blocked from fb... bahala na sila sa buhay nila, basta lalayo na muna ako with my family.  I already changed my cell number na din.  I am trying to rebuild my life away from my mom.  Bahala na kung ano iisipin ng mga friends nya or mga close at sipsip sa kanya, I don't give a d4mn anymore. 

Kahit ganito nangyari sa life ko, God is still good.  Iniisip ko na lang magiging masaya ako and I will be a better mother.  I have two sons na magiging kakampi ko, and another one on the way, so I will have 3 boys na magpapasaya sa akin.  As for hubby, I know he loves me and will fight for our family.  Naligaw man sha ng landas noon, but I am confident that he will never do anything that could ruin our family.  Takot lang nya diba, 3 boys ang bubugbog sa kanya if ever hehe.

As for online ranting, well I guess dito ko sha sa GT nagagawa, I know I allowed my mom to control my life for too long... ewan ko ba, I guess it was because pinalaki nya ako na feeling trapped sa kanya, isolated from everyone, she made me feel weak that I should fear her.  She made me question my choices, abilities, my intelligence, everything.... kaya it took this long for me to fight back.  I did try fighting back before, pero natatalo ako.  Sa buong buhay ko ngayon lang ako nagmatigas ng ganito sa kanya dahil hindi ko sha natitiis before, but now that my kids are also involved, I will not let her destroy them like she destroyed me.

Talikuran man ako ng lahat ng relatives ko na kakampi sa kanya, at least tinanggap ako ng family ng husband ko for which I am greatful.  Saka hindi naman ako ang tatanda mag-isa, malungkot at miserable.

[molybdenumstudios]

That's what I want to hear from you! Dapat ganyan, sis! Promise, that will make you a better and a stronger person. Thank goodness and you're lucky to have a loving husband. You deserve him more and more as your relationship and marriage becomes stronger.

Woo-hoo! Amen!

[CityHunter]

Hi, carlijn.

Yup.  Stay as far away from that person who has given you nothing but grief.  Focus more on how to live your life and enjoy your family.  There is nothing wrong with what you are doing for in the Asian culture and I believe in many others as well there is such as a thing as being purged completely from the family.  The very mention of such a subject's name is much frowned on.

I would rather have you not rant about it online lalo na sa social media.  Okay lang here as its under a handle you can hide behind.  My reasoning is why bother spending time for such when you can devote it more to your family and other worthy endeavors.  Nagsasayang ka lang na oras at resources for someone of no value.

Ako I never allow the opinions or dicatates of others to rule my life.  When I was in the government ay may mga kamag-anak ako na nakikiusap this and that.  To hell with them!  I don't care if I don't see them ever again.  The same applies to so-called friends.  I do the same even for clients na may ewan - or if they want to use up my precious time they better cough up my full fees.

Don't let such a hate though stay within you forgive mo rin but learn from that lesson and as everyone has said avoid mo na.  Mahirap kasi yun nagtatanim ng galit but equally delikado rin yun hindi natuto sa mga pangyayari.

[username.taken]

Sis carljin, good to know naman na nilayuan mo na mom mo. i feel happy for you. ituloy mo lang hanggat di nauuntog mom mo. 

[Princess_Chill]

Nice to hear sis that youre ok now...you know when i read your story can't help na maiyak and mainis ng sobra...

for me our children should have an "utang na loob" sa magulang in terms of dahil tayo nag proprovide sa kanila e may karapatan na tayong controlin ang buhay nila
na akala mo pag aari natin sila. We are here to "guide and support" them para hindi sila maligaw ng landas. They are not clay na dapat hulmahin natin sa kung ano man ang like natin na maging sila.
It is our responsibilty as parents to support them habang hindi pa nila kaya.

I agree with our sisses here that you are lucky to have a loving husband. I can't blame him na nakipag away siya sa mom mo dahil tao lang naman din siya na napupuno.

Just pray that God would enlighten your mom sa mga nagawa niya sa iyo. God Bless...!

[carlijn]

Hello everyone, thank you for all the encouraging words, at least I know there are people who understand me, na hindi pala lahat ng tao eh ang thinking dahil anak lang ako eh kailangan lagi parents ang intindihin dahil sila lang ang tama.  Ang sakit sobra pag naaalala ko ang sagutan namin ng mom ko, kaharap ang ibang relatives ko, mga baranggay tanod at ibang family members ng husband ko.  Nagsigawan talaga kami ng mom ko  sa labas pa ng bahay , ayaw nya ko halos pagsalitain at binabara nya ko na manahimik daw ako dahil wala ako karapatan … as in paulit ulit nya sinabi na wala akong karapatan dahil wala daw ako alam sa sakripisyo ng isang ina.  I know hindi man ganun ka-wide at broad ang experience ko sa pagiging isang ina, but I think as a person, I have observed and have seen a lot of mother-daughter relationship to know na hindi dapat isang diktadurya or mala-martial law ang mother-daughter relationship lalo sa panahon ngayon na mas bukas ang isipan ng mga tao.  Nasabihan din pala ako ng tito ko that day na dapat daw hindi ko hinayaan na sagutin ni hubby mom ko, kahit ano daw mangyari mas mabuti pa daw na kung kami ang nagsagutan instead na sila. Pero sakin naman kasi, kung sa akin din naman ginawa yun ng in-laws ko eh malamang baka nagawa ko din ginawa ng hubby ko.  Tao lang din naman asawa ko na napupuno din.

Ewan ko nga ba sa mga taong nakapaligid sa mom ko masyado ata nabubulagan dahil one side lang ang naririnig nila.  Ayoko na rin ubusin ang time ko mag-explain sa kanila unless siguro maging open-minded sila at talagang concerned sila intindihin din ako. 

There are moments pa din nasstress ako at nalulungkot, hindi ko alam kung dahil din ba hormonal lang ako because I am pregnant pero sobra madali ako mainis ngayon even with little things.  Ayoko maging ganito and tinatry ko pigilin na maibuntong ko sa husband ko ang nararamdaman ko kaya madalas nananahimik na lang ako.  I know he also has a lot in his mind and feeling ko masyado maliliit at mababaw yung mga kinakainisan ko, kaya lang natatakot ako na baka sumabong na lang ako isang araw kasi hindi ko masabi kasi feeling ko nga sobrang babaw lang.  In a way, I am also scared how this stress might have affected my baby, although sa congenital scan nya ok naman daw. 

Ayoko din tumanda na maging bitter and full of hatred tulad ng mom ko.  Hindi ko din naman sinasara totally ang sarili ko to forgive her one day, pero hindi ko rin minamadali ang sarili ko because I also need to heal myself because I really feel damaged.  And I don’t want this to affect my relationship with my children in the future.   

I am curious though, has anyone of you ever encountered a story like mine? Well not the exact same story pero yung mga tipong magulang talaga ang nagkamali and they  came to a point na nareaize talaga nila o natauhan sila na talagang sila ang may mali  … then they initiated the apology or  pakikipag-ayos sa mga anak nilang lumayo sa kanila? May nakapagsabi kasi sakin before na wala daw magulang talagang susuko o aamin na mali sila… unless siguro tipong nasa death bed na eh dun lang marerealize nagawa nila saka magsisisi.

[carlijn]

@cityhunter
Noong una before I started pouring my heart out sa GT, nakapagpost ako ilang medyo may mga patama sa mom ko sa fb kahit hindi naman sha talaga naka-add sa akin pero binura ko din, may mga nakamisinterpret , may mga na-curious …. actually relatives ko lang din karamihan nag-react and natatanong kung tungkol saan yun at sino daw ba kaaway ko.  Pero I ignored their questions.  Anyway, there was one relative from my father side na akala ko makakaintindi after I told him the gist of our mess, he’s my dad’s cousin and also my ninong and after my dad passed away, he promised that he would be like a 2nd father to me and if there’s anything I need I should not hesitate daw na lumapit sa kanya.  Anyway so I told him yung nangyari sa amin ng mom ko, I even forwarded him the messages that was sent to me by my mom para makita nya how awful the situation is.  I was not asking him for money but for understanding, all I was looking when I told him my story was parang tatay na maiintindihan ako at kakampihan ako or magcocomfort sa akin dahil sa sobrang pagkamiss ko sa dad ko at pagkalungkot ko eh sya yung naisipan ko lapitan at sabihan.  Pero sadly, sa last na message ko sa kanya which is pinaste ko sa kanya yung text ng mom ko, he ignored it and hindi na ako nireplyan na parang wala lang.  So I did not force the issue anymore.  Hindi ko ipipilit sarili ko.  At least nakita ko kung sino sa kanila ang bukas ang utak.  Iniisip ko na lang ngayon, time will come when mahihiya sila lahat lumapit sa amin ng family ko. 

Yes you are correct, I should not let hatred stay with me…  but for now, I need to protect myself and family muna and stay away from narrow minded people.  At least habang maaga nakita ko kung sino ang dapat kong layuan.

@username.taken
Naku sis wish ko talaga mauntog sha sa mga ginawa nya…. Kaso may pag-asa kaya? Hehe

@princess_chill
Ako din sis, ayoko palakihin mga anak ko about that utang na loob nila sa amin ng husband ko ang lahat ng magagandang gagawin namin at ibibigay  sa kanila dahil trabaho at obligasyon namin ibigay sa kanila yun dahil pinili naming buhayin sila.  It is up to them kung maaappreciate nila yun, kung tanawin man nila yun sa amin ng daddy nila ng kusa, it means tama nagging pagpapalaki naming sa kanila.  Pero never ko sisingilin at ipamumukha sa kanila ang mga sakripisyo at pagod ko tulad ng ginawa ng mom ko sa akin.  Kung saan sila magiging masaya, then I will respect their decision and support them.  At least pareho kami ni hubby ng pananaw about it which is good.

[CityHunter]

Hi, carlijn.

Yes, there are cases like yours and mayroon rin even worse - though more often the latter ay yun with the mom-in-law.  Even my late guru friend pinakulam ng mother-in-law niya

He he, let's get past that and simply have you focus on the now and tomorrow.  I for one am not the kind who'd shut up just because an elderly is bad-mouthing me or others.  Kung yun ay hindi marunong mag-respeto sa iba then he or she does not deserve it as well.  One can do that naman in private hindi ba.

Hindi ko rin ugali na urungan ang mga sino kahit sino pa sila - but that just may be me dahil I've spoken from the highest person in the land to one representing the poorest.  I analyze things and kung mali ay I give my opinion.  Kung i-question ay bahala na sila on that as I have nothing to prove to anyone anyway.  Bahala sila kung tatanggapin ba nila yun statement ko or not.  I have better things to do than waste my time in debating with folks who've already judged things at the start.

Ito ang maganda sa tulad ng GT as there are plenty of open-minded and helpful people who will assist and comfort us in our moments of grief - as well share in the joys rin

Maganda rin you realized these things this year as it marks a new beginning sa buhay ninyo.  I'm really worried for you dahil you are carrying a baby and ideally hindi ka dapat stressed or even thinking of any depressing things.  Limit your exposure to such ha and visualize the warmth and happiness those who've responded to your post are radiating and sharing to you.

He he.  Focus ka muna then sa family mo.  Sing a happy song sa baby mo or listen to nice classical music.  Ha ha, went to an invite last weekend and ang husay ng pianist though kilala ko lang yun Chopin as yun lang naman alam ko - kasi weird siya kaya nagtatak sa memory.  Hindi na ako nag-stay for the encore though as gutom na.  Leron leron sinta pa naman. 

Ha ha.  If you and others are wondering kung ma-enlighten pa such yes they can but more often its when its too late na and the time's up for them na.  Well, sana hindi on this case.

[Scubadoobidoo]

I dont want to judge your mom since i dont know her...but asking you to undergo an abortion takes the cake. You have to ask yourself this question......Now that your married with family already when are you going to start to live the life you wanted instead of the life your mom wanted? Isnt it about time you do that considering your a mom already? And dont ever make the mistake of thinking your mom will change...she wont. Thats who she is. Question is what are you going to do about it. 

[carlijn]

@scubadoobidoo

I have already distanced myself from the person who brought me into this world, I do not like to feel what I am feeling pero ngayon ko lang nafifeel yung hatred towards her sa mga ginawa nya sa akin.  All my life, I have been a good daughter, sunod lang ng sunod ng halos hindi umaangal because ang thinking ko then was iniintindi ko ang mom ko because she had a difficult childhood and she is trying to raise me in probably the best way she knows…  but in the process , hindi nya nakita na nasasaktan at sobrang nasasakal nya ako just so she can live her dreams in me.  Walang masama to aim the best for your child, pero ang masama is tanggalan mo ng karapatan ang anak mo to also decide for herself at magulang ang magpatakbo nito.  Kaya nga halos late na ang pagrebelde ko, post grad na ko ng magdecide ako na gagawin ko naman  ang gusto ko. Lahat ginawa ko to please her, I was a scholar my whole college life para lang maplease sha.  I took a course which I did not even plan on taking, and yet I never lost my scholarship.  Kung ako siguro siraulo at hindi matino mag-isip, eh matagal na ko nagwala, baka nagging drug addict ako, o maaga ako nabuntis pero hinde dahil alam ko ang tama at mali, alam ko may sacrifices din ang parents ko and I did not want to disappoint them.  Unfortunately my dad never saw me graduate from college.  Pero ang masasabi ko naging matino akong anak, pero tao lang din ako na may sariling mga gusto at pangarap para sa sarili ko.  Hindi naman siguro mali yun diba.  Masaklap na after ko grumaduate pati mga trabahong gusto ko pasukin eh pinapakialaman pa din, todo lait sa sweldo sa pilipinas at marami pang iba dahil marami pa raw sakin plano ang nanay ko na nasira lahat ng mag-asawa ako.  Naman I was in my early 30s na when I got married, hindi naman na bagets yon.  Hindi pa rin nya matanggap.

As for your question kung ano gagawin ko… well I will stay as far away from her as I can.  Time will tell kung magkakapatawaran kami in the future.
 
@Cityhunter

Yung taong dating close sa kanya na nagbabalita sakin ng activities nya eh galit na rin sa kanya dahil sinisiraan nya na rin yun… basta ang mga taong nakapaligid ngayon sa mom ko eh mga taong may ulterior motive manghuthot… at nagpapauto naman sha.

As for the abortion issue, mukhang nagkaron na ng lakas ng loob mom ko ibring up yung topic na yon saying that I was the one who asked for her help daw.  So pinapalabas nya ako ang may gusto nun.  Anyway, it will be her word against mine… madami naman na sha tinahing mga kasinungalingan against me and my husband, I don’t know lang if people will believe her na ako ang may kagustuhan nun.  Dahil walang matinong ina ang mag-aallow na danasin yun ng anak mo.

Grabe kahit anong pag-iwas ko sa mga nalalaman ko sa kanya eh kusang ako ang nilalapitan ng mga info about her recent activities. According sa mga informants ko eh mukhang kinakarma sha financially dahil nga sa mga opportunistang nakapalibot sa kanya.  Ako at mga apo nya pinagdadamutan nya pero todo bigay sha sa ibang tao.  Ako halos wala ako ginawa pati si hubby pero mukhang kusang karma ang lumalapit sa kanya. 

[Scubadoobidoo]

@scubadoobidoo

I have already distanced myself from the person who brought me into this world, I do not like to feel what I am feeling pero ngayon ko lang nafifeel yung hatred towards her sa mga ginawa nya sa akin.  All my life, I have been a good daughter, sunod lang ng sunod ng halos hindi umaangal because ang thinking ko then was iniintindi ko ang mom ko because she had a difficult childhood and she is trying to raise me in probably the best way she knows…  but in the process , hindi nya nakita na nasasaktan at sobrang nasasakal nya ako just so she can live her dreams in me.  Walang masama to aim the best for your child, pero ang masama is tanggalan mo ng karapatan ang anak mo to also decide for herself at magulang ang magpatakbo nito.  Kaya nga halos late na ang pagrebelde ko, post grad na ko ng magdecide ako na gagawin ko naman  ang gusto ko. Lahat ginawa ko to please her, I was a scholar my whole college life para lang maplease sha.  I took a course which I did not even plan on taking, and yet I never lost my scholarship.  Kung ako siguro siraulo at hindi matino mag-isip, eh matagal na ko nagwala, baka nagging drug addict ako, o maaga ako nabuntis pero hinde dahil alam ko ang tama at mali, alam ko may sacrifices din ang parents ko and I did not want to disappoint them.  Unfortunately my dad never saw me graduate from college.  Pero ang masasabi ko naging matino akong anak, pero tao lang din ako na may sariling mga gusto at pangarap para sa sarili ko.  Hindi naman siguro mali yun diba.  Masaklap na after ko grumaduate pati mga trabahong gusto ko pasukin eh pinapakialaman pa din, todo lait sa sweldo sa pilipinas at marami pang iba dahil marami pa raw sakin plano ang nanay ko na nasira lahat ng mag-asawa ako.  Naman I was in my early 30s na when I got married, hindi naman na bagets yon.  Hindi pa rin nya matanggap.

As for your question kung ano gagawin ko… well I will stay as far away from her as I can.  Time will tell kung magkakapatawaran kami in the future.
 
 

The way i see it you have to distance yourself from your mom for a couple of years if you want your marriage to survive. Start living your life nalang but let go of the hatred...ive discovered carrying a big chip on your shoulder is not a healthy thing to do. Whether you and your mom will patch things up...only time will tell but for now just live your own life.  Ill leave you with a quote from Paulo Coelho "Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life." 

[carlijn]

@Scubadoobidoo

Ayoko din naman that what I am feeling now, like hating her will last with me the rest of my life, I also do not want it to consume me because ganun ang nangyari sa mom ko, she doesn't know how to let go of all her anger and hatred.  I guess yung akin lang naman is parang ngayon ko lang mabibigyan ng chance ang sarili ko ng karapatan to feel the way I do after the way I was treated.  Dahil all my life I have kept everything to myself, feeling na parang wala ako right to express myself and what I feel because that's what she made me believe.  I don't want to go through the same cycle of hate na ginawa ng mom ko sa buhay nya because ayoko gawin sa mga kids ko yung ginawa nya sa akin.  I have learned from her mistake at ayoko na ito ulitin.  Kaya I will stay away from her as long as necessary until maiayos ko uli ang sarili ko at family ko. Then bahala na si Lord sa amin kung kelan magccross uli landas namin.