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Author Topic: mother forced me to have abortion before.. now wants me to leave my husband  (Read 29090 times)

quinone

  • Guest
tama sila...huwag mo na sabihin sa husband mo. gusto mo lang sabihin sa kanya yan kasi gusto mo ipasa yung burden/guilt. masisira lang kayo, huwag mo na sabihin.

take the matters in your own hands and stop communicating with your relatives, ang dating kasi gusto mo sila gumawa ng paraan. pumunta ka dun sa inyo sabihin mo sa nanay mo, "lumayas ka na." kapag ayaw, kunin mo yung damit niya ihagis mo sa labas. kung kailangan lumipat ka ng bahay at huwag mo sabihin sa kahit kaninong relative kung saan na kayo nakatira, then do it. or kayong mag-anak ang umalis ng bahay, just talk with your landlord until when lang ang upa ninyo.

ikaw talaga ang kailangan umaksyon, not your relatives, i don't think naiintindihan nila na you feel she is insane. akala lang nila trouble kayo, na pwedeng pag-usapan para ma plantsa ang gusot. build your courage so you can stand up to her, ask for your husbands support. why do you keep emailing your relatives para ikwento ang issue, mas marami nakiki-alam mas gumugulo problema.

yung mga counselors ba sinabi sayo na intindihin mo nanay mo? did you tell them you feel na crazy siya, super controlling na hindi na ordinary?

if you do not take charge, one day ikaw din broken na rin completely.

molybdenumstudios

  • Guest
Agree with sis thebratinella, her advice is the best so far, sis carlijn. :D

Also sis carlijn, when I learned about this forum, it made me realize that sometimes the Internet becomes more friendly and liberated as compared to real life because the latter is really a bee-yotch. The former, however, could actually be more open and there's no such thing as "fakery" because in real life, you can fake it, but on the Internet, it depends.

Hope that you'll enjoy here in GIRLTalk! :D

carlijn

  • Guest
@cityhunter

Hi my handle is pronounced with a silent J… as in carleen, carlene….
I do hope that my mom would stop looking for ways to destroy my husband bago tuluyang mawalan ng respeto sa kanya asawa ko dahil nagtitimpi pa rin si hubby kahit papano, pero shempre mahirap din masagad.

I knew I should have fought back then when she was forcing me to have the abortion…I was in a strange land, ni hindi nga English speaking country, I had no money, as in nothing… kahit gustohin ko pa umuwi ng pilipinas that time, I did not know how to reach my boyfriend for him to send me money right then and there…… dahil ang buong akala din ni bf eh yung pagalis ko na yun way yun para magkausap kami mag ina ng masinsinan… kung alam lang namin na may ganun eh di pinabaunan nya ko ng pera in case of emergency or baka hindi ako pinayagan umalis at pumunta sa mom ko.   After nga ako binugbog ng mom ko after I lost the baby kasi naiinis sha nakikitang nagmumukmok ako at hindi nakikipagusap, I tried to contact my bf through internet at home pero hindi ko alam that she had a way to record everything, in short she bugged it kaya ayun dagdag sa pasakit na naman.
Like I have said kanina, I have already sought counsel with a nun and confession sa priest a number of times pero mahirap talaga magpatawad ng sarili nagging kahinaan ko.  Sinasabi nga sakin madalas ng nun and priest pinatawad na daw ako ni Lord pero why can’t I forgive myself.  Alam ko may karma lahat yun and I have paid and still am paying for it.  Nagkaron nga ng 1 night stand si hubby diba na nagbunga… kaya isa pang malaking dagok sa puso ko yun.  Pero kahit ganun ako pa rin ang pinili ni hubby.

@angelzeros

Masyado nabubulagan kasi mom ko sa gusto nya mangyari sa buhay ko at gusto nyang
mapangasawa ko.  Hindi nya nakikita magandang qualities na meron ang husband ko… masipag, maalaga sa bata, responsible, hindi madamot… kahit alam nya na hell ang life nya with my mom as mother –in-law mahal pa rin ako at pinakasalan ako mas pinili pa rin ako. I am doing everything in my power to fight for my family.  Alam ko gumagawa mom ko ng way talaga para magkasira kami ng husband ko at magkahiwalay… but I will not let her.

@mslcgyrey

I know she can probably blackmail me with the information she holds, and frankly hindi ko talaga alam gagawin if every ganun sabihin nya … I will probably deny it sabi nga ni aquacharly, I might take it to my grave, it’s her word against mine.  Madami din naman ako info about my mom na pwede ko gamitin against her if she would really push me to the wall.  I am hoping we will not come to that.

I am praying na mahimasmasan sha talaga.

@aquacharly

I will not allow her to control me anymore, tama nang ako na yung nasaktan nya nung husto before at the expense of the life of my first child….  kaya nga po ngayon tinitiis ko talaga na wag sha kausapin, tawagan or puntahan sa house… I was informed by someone na may sakit daw mom ko lately, pero after all the mess that happened, I have not contacted her or anything.  I hope she realizes how lonely it is to grow old alone and how lonely the house is without my family there especially my kids na syang nagiingay sa house.  I purposely left all the stuff she gave my kids… toys, clothes  etc.

carlijn

  • Guest
Kaya lang naman po ako nag decide na ipaalam sa elders ng family naming ang nangyayari although not  all of them ay sinabihan ko just a couple… lolo at lola ko… I just want them to also know my side of the story.  I have never asked anything from them nor told them any painful experiences I may have had with my mom…  gusto ko lang kapag dumating yung time na lumayo muna kami ng family ko o inilayo ko sila sa mom ko eh hindi sila magtataka at ako ang lalabas na masama.  Nakita ko naman biased sila mag-isip lagi na lang sinasabi kami ang umintindi kasi matanda at magulang… hay so old fashioned and backwards….kaya nga I stopped na rin communicating with them, dahil kung hindi nila ako maiintindihan eh magsama sama na nga lang sila puro makitid utak.  Sad lang isipin na baka wala makilalang relatives sa side ko mga babies ko… oh well kung yun naman mas makakabuti for them willing ako gawin.

Sa mga nakausap ko before regarding sa ugali ng mom ko after I lost the baby… sinasabi sa akin, I cannot change her nor force other people to change… only I can change myself… which is true I know… I was hoping pa rin lang sana na magbago sha talaga especially when she see my kids, kaso ang hirap pala talaga.  Nakakalungkot nga kasi parang walang pag-asa mom ko magbago… feeling ko tuloy parang kelangan ko pa hintayin yung point na nasa deathbed na sha at dun lang nya marerealize mga nagawa nya sakin at sa family ko… pampelikula

I am glad GT is here where I can somehow get different opinions so thank you.

cruxito

  • Guest
wow ang haba ng first post then pahabaan din ng replies.
anyway

@topic
i can't believe that those things can possibly happen. i can't imagine if it happens to me.

well your mother is your big stressor

now google up "how to handle stress"

HTH

evilwoman

  • Guest
@ts - it's about time you stop caring about your mother. Yun kasi nakakapigil sa yo para lumaban (or much better sipain palabas ng buhay mo) sa nanay mo. Forget about the utang na loob or kung ano sasabihin ng ibang tao na wala din naman naidulot na maganda sa yo. Dinadagdagan mo lang ang hirap mo. Yung pagamin sa husband mo about the abortion, para saan pa?additional issue lang yan. Pray na balang araw mapatawad mo ang sarili mo. For now,ilayo mo na lang ang pamilya mo sa nanay mo. Puro gulo lang dadalhin nyan sa inyo. Wala nang what ifs. Yaan mo syang manigas sa galit.

molybdenumstudios

  • Guest
FTW ang kay sis evilwoman. "Dapat siyang manigas sa galit."

Yeah sis carlijn, you have to leave and let her be like that. Hindi pe-pwedeng luluhod na lang siya sa'yo't humingi ng tawag kapag nasa deathbed na siya.

Britney

  • Guest
Hi carlijn,

Musta ka na? It's been awhile na hindi ka nagpo-post dito or baka hindi ko lang nababasa.
Another problem na naman ha. I will pray for you. Ang buhay ata talagang pagsubok lagi. Masarap na mahirap...Hangga't may nagmamahal naman sayo, tuloy lang ang buhay.  Tama ang mga GTalk sis, layuan mo na ang mommy mo...

happypill

  • Guest
@carlijn

We taught to have good relationships with our families (especially our parents). We are also taught to set aside our opinions and feelings in order to understand them because they are older and supposedly "know better".

But when those relationships become abusive and toxic, it's best to cut ties.

I hope you are doing better now. Counseling (or maybe opening up to someone you trust) could help. You've been through a lot. Growing up with people who have such tight control on you can really do a number on your self esteem or how you see / treat yourself. I glad though that you have started to find your voice. I hope you learn not to be too hard on yourself because your mom had been too hard on you.

jared

  • Guest
carlijn, your grandparents will never be able to fully grasp your situation because they are NOT in your situation. and, to begin with, sila din naman kasi ang nagkulang sa mama mo. what you are doing now re: not communicating with your mom, is actually a first step of gaining your self-empowerment.

1. face the complaint your maid charged against your husband. his name needs to be cleared for his', yours and your kids name. his the man of the house, dignity is very important.

2. do not talk to your mom. make her feel your worth as a person. if it needs five years or a decade for her to realize her mistakes then so be it. (though, bilang mabuting anak, makibalita ka pa din at kung kinakailangan nya ng financial or medical aid, tulong ka pa din pero padaanin mo na lang sa ibang tao).

3. pray, pray and pray. so that you'll find the courage to forgive yourself. at ito din ang isipin mo, you cannot give what you dont have. kung hindi ka fully at peace with your self, how can you give and make your children feel at peace?

4. everyday, dapat may mantra ka. di ba sabi nga, what your mind can conceive, your body will achieve. ako lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko kapag may malaking problema, THIS (problem) too will pass. by way of saying that, i am assuring my self na maso-solve ko din sya. di ko nga lang alam kung kelan pero alam ko masosulusyunan.

I hope okay ka sa ngayon. Keep us posted kasi medyo napa-praning din ako sa kung ano na ginagawa mo ngayon, lalo pa't buntis ka. God bless you, Carlijn. :)

carlijn

  • Guest
Hello everyone, update on what has happened lately… my husband and I decided to leave our house na lang… we will just look for another place of our own since we cannot keep waiting for her to leave our home tapos hindi kami makauwi.  I have not communicated with her since we left our house, lahat ng text nya at mga gusto nya ipasabi sa akin are done thru others at sila ang nagfoforward sa akin ng message.  Most of the messages are very hateful, rude, panunumbat at paniningil ng hirap daw  nya sa pagpapalaki sa akin. I was hospitalized recently because of the stress she is causing.  She has already removed most of her stuff at home without our knowledge, may mga things kami na naisama nya sa inalis nya sa house.  In that subdivision, they do not just allow any household or trucks na maglabas o magpasok ng things without consent or getting a gate pass.  However nung time na nagtanggal mom ko ng gamit sa bahay, yung landlady ang tinawagan ng guards and yet she failed to inform us dahil ang balak ko talaga is to be physically present habang nagiimpake at naghahakot sha ng mga gamit nya. But for some reason pati ang owner ng house that we are renting eh medyo nabribe at nabrain wash na rin nya.  Can I sue the landlady kaya? Because kahit mother ko pa yung andun, name namin ng husband ko ang nasa contrata at hindi pa tapos ang contrata.  She should have informed us and talked to us and not my mother. 

Anyway even after matanggal mga things ng mother ko sa house she continued to stay there and allowed my cousins to stay too dahil may mga gamit pa kami doon.  So this past weekened, my husband and I decided na kunin na ang mga gamit namin kahit hanggang end of the month pa and contract.  I informed the landlady that morning that I was going to get our stuff and that we were on our way… I also texted one of the people staying at my house that we were on our way to get our things.  Aba when we got there, they changed pala the padlock of the gate at ayaw kami papasukin kahit anong katok ko.  Kaya pinatawag namin yung guard ng subdivision.  Tawag ako ng tawag dun sa pinagsabihan ko na papunta na ako at hindi sumasagot.  So ang akala ko umalis sila mom ko kasama nung taong tinext ko na papunta na ko para hindi kami magkita… and habang katok ako ng katok we saw someone in the house at ayaw lang talagang buksan.  So I called the landlady and told her na kami pa ang ayaw papasukin… eh bahay namin yon, sabi ko kami ang nakakontrata at kung tutuusin sila ang trespassing.  Kaya  nagpatawag kami ng Baranggay at balak na naming ipasira yung padlock at least may kaharap kami na baranggay.  Sa galit ko I texted the person in the house na kapag ako nakapasok sa bahay kakaladkarin ko kako kung sino man ang nasa loob.  Tapos nagreply bigla na hintayin daw namin yung may-ari ng bahay… kapal nila nakakagigil.  Anyway nauna dumating yung landlady kesa dun sa mga Baranggay tanod.

Nung dumating yung landlady, only then they opened the door and gate, we saw na nasa loob pala silang lahat my cousins, my mom… and the person I was texting… sabi nya pinagsasabihan daw nya mom ko na buksan na ang gate dahil kung titingnan mo sila ang trespassing pinagagalitan daw sha… ayaw daw talaga making ng nanay ko.

Anyway pagkapasok ko sa house, halos mga gamit na lang naming mag-asawa ang nandun.  Hindi ko kinausap at tiningnan mom ko basta dumeretso na ko sa loob.  Tapos habang nagiimpake kami, the nerve of her na kami pa ang pinababantayan dun sa maid nya kala mo kami pa ang magnanakaw… kaya sinita ko talaga yung katulong nya.  And habang naghahakot yung mga kasama ko ng gamit, my mother had the nerve to check pa on the boxes they were taking out at sya pa itong putak ng putak sa gilid.  Kainis nga kasi wala nagawa yung baranggay para paalisin sila habang nagaayos kami dahil nanay ko daw yun at magusap daw kami.  While I was busy inside the house supervising kung ano ang mga babalutin .. my husband was outside the house talking to the brgy tanod. 

Lumabas na lang ako ng house nung pinatawag ako dahil nakiki-sawsaw yung pinsan ko habang kausap ni hubby yung Baranggay tanod.  Kaso paglabas ko medyo lumayo na yung pinsan ko… sabi ko nga dapat tinawag nila ako agad at ako ang sisita.  Anyway while I was talking to the tanod, hindi tumigil mom ko sa kabubunganga… nung una hindi ko sha pinapansin na nagmomonologue sha in our dialect na ang lakas ng boses.  Pero nasagad din ako kaya nung nagsalita against sa mga kasama ko na nangmamata na akala mo sinong napakayaman… sabi ko napakamatapobre nya at sakal na sakal na ko … ayun nagsisigaw sha ng sinagot ko sha kaya nagsigawan na kami dun.  She said napakawalang utang na loob ko, RIP daw sa akin, pinagtitirik na nya ko ng kandila, sinusuka at pinagsisihan na binuhay nya ko sa mundo kaya sinabi ko rin hindi ko rin pinangarap na maging magulang sha dahil sa ugali nya na tingin nya sakin property at hindi tao.  She she was even shouting about me having sex daw when I was in school, eh di sabi ko at least isa lang pinatulan ko eh sha nga ilan lalake inuuwi nya sa bahay mula ng mamatay dad ko.   Susugurin nga ako eh pinigilan lang sha ng tito ko at ng guard.  There was an instance din sa pagtatalo namin, she threatened me in front of all those people na nandun, (sis-in-law, 3 bros in law, 2 helpers namin mag-asawa., mga tanod, guard, my cousins and tito, tita)… she said in our dialect na masarap daw tusukin tyan ko.  Sabi nga ng tanod sa husband ko, kung may kasama nga lang daw sila na babae from women’s desk baka daw dinampot na nanay ko for making that threat at dinala sya sa presinto. 

I know she was trying to provoke my husband nung araw na yun pero tinatawanan lang sha ng husband ko pati mga baranggay tanod natatawa sa kanya kaya lalo nangigil sa galit mom ko sakin.  Then piniglan na rin ako nila dahil nga buntis ako baka daw mapano ako. Anyway nung naghahakot kami sabi nung tita ko, sabi daw ng mom ko eh dalhin yung mga binigay nya sa mga apo nya… pero my husband and I decided to leave it … baka singilin pa nya mga anak ko.

Sabi nga ng husband ko dapat pala noon pinadlock na lang namin yung bahay nung wala mom ko at inilabas sa kalsada mga gamit nya.  Galit man kami sa kanya, pero tao naming sha trinato at hindi pinagtabuyan sa kalsada.  Tapos kami pa ang ginanun nya.  People like her do not deserve to be treated with kindness dahil walang saysay.

The day after the incident, I again received a forwarded text galing sa mom ko bringing up the topic tungkol sa pinagkakalat ko daw na mga lalake nya… at least daw sha ang pinupuntahan unlike me na ako daw naghahabol sa lalake at dumadalaw sa bahay.  Patunayan ko daw at magbigay ako ng names dahil kung hindi eh ihanda ko na daw sarili ko to give birth sa kulungan kesyo puputulin daw nya kayabangan ko.  Aba malay ko sa mga apelyido ng mga yon, alam ko lang mga first name.  kung alam ko na ganito pala hahantong relasyon namin mag-ina sana hiningan ko ng biodata lahat ng pinatulan nya.

At ni hindi ko nga kilala mga kapit bahay namin eh para sabihin nya na sha ang sinisiraan. While we were there naghahakot ng gamit, sha pa nga itong nakita namin nakikipagbatian sa mga kapit bahay… in less than two months nagkaron ng kachokaran at kakilala.

Hay nako wala naman ako ipagyayabang kundi ang morals ko na lumaki akong hindi tulad nyang masama ugali.

May question ako, how do I file for a restraining order against her? Dahil alam ko hindi sha titigil hanggang feeling nya hindi sha nakakaganti sa amin mag-asawa. 

molybdenumstudios

  • Guest
Well, you have to file for a restraining order asap. (: If you and your hubby could ask sone friends who have friends na lawyers, then you may ask them (:

evilwoman

  • Guest
^^sis i hope yung mga tanod na nakarinig na pinagbantaan ka ng nanay mo e makuha mong witness sa pagfile ng restraining order.kahit siguro doon sa mismong baranggay ka magfile.wag ka na nga lang papayag  na paghaharapin pa kayo dahil additional enkwentro na naman yan.yung mga pinoforward na message sa iyo,wag mo na patulan.mas matutuwa yan pagiisip ng isasagot habang pumapatol  ka.yaan mo sya magmukhang t**** kakangawa kanya na ang mga kakampi na naipon nya.sa sama ng ugali nya,impossibleng di makaranas ang mga kapanalig na yan. :)

quinone

  • Guest
sa lawyer ka ata dapat magtanung sis carlijn, pero baka pwede nang sa prisinto o women's desk para walang charge. ask for other alternative measures rin.

mabuti may witness ka. nakaka tindig balahibo yang threat ng nanay mo sayo. hope everything goes well for you. mukhang supportive naman husband mo at mas kalmado.

nettai

  • Guest
To be honest, (and sorry if this sounds offending) akala ko sa mga heavy drama lang nag-eexist ang mga ganitong situations... Nagkakamali pala ako. It can happen in real life.

If your Mom keeps up, if I'm correct you can demand for moral damages, dami nang grounds eh. Pero yes, restraining order na talaga ang kailangan dyan kung gusto mo lang talaga is a peaceful life away from her.

And yeap, a lawyer will definitely be helpful and pwede ka ring mag-confide sa kanya to help you legally.

Hope things will go fine with you and your family.

errolavi14

  • Guest
your mother is very unfair.

and yeah tama sinabi ng ibang sis. na kung pwede lang nga mag commit ng suicide!

I just thought my mother was super strict na!

omg! although mali mali mali lahat nangyari sa aken... pinatawad parin ako kahit umabot ng taon...

i never thought may hihigit pa sa mom ko! omg so dissapointed

momentum

  • Guest
sis carlijn i cannot believe what kind of a mother you have..umikot sikmura ko sa latest post mo
ang mapapayo ko lang sis, do not delete her forwarded messages, you will need that to file a case against her

carlijn

  • Guest
Hi mga sis, , noong una I was kind of hoping pa rin na magkakaayos kami with family's help, pero sa nakikita ko ngayon mukhang malabo because most of them are still biased... stuck in the old belief and principle "na kahit anong gawin mo magulang mo pa rin" ... well maybe sa iba applicable pero in my case mukhang hindi pwede because there is seriously wrong with her. And hindi na sha healthy kasama, any attempt to reason with her is futile because walang ibang tama kundi sha.

Yung pagsigaw at pagsagot ko sa kanya was the first time ever in my life ... i felt bad kasi hindi ako ganung tao pero somehow liberating daihil kahit papano nailabas ko ang mga gusto ko sabihin.

Ang self-esteem ko talaga is at its lowest whenever I am with her and somehow it has affected the way I see myself.  Buti na nga lang supportive ang husband ko pati in-laws ko sa mga nangyayari ngayon.  Lalo na husband ko ipaglalaban nya talaga ang family namin.  With prayers, i hope I will not turn out like her paglumaki ang mga anak ko.  I want to believe na kahit ganun ang environment na kinalakihan ko, I turned out pretty well and I am a good person.

Actually I was able to voice record yung last na sagutan namin ng mom ko at malinaw na narecord dun yung pagbabanta nya na gusto nya tusukin yung tiyan ko.   Sa ngayon hindi ako talaga papayag na makaharap sha uli dahil nakakastress… gusto ko lang mag-move on with my family and start anew.  Siguro in the future baka may slim possibility pero may kasama siguro na lawyer.  Yung mga pinapatext nya actually hindi ko na rin nirereplyan pero hindi ko rin binubura para may evidence ako.  Sayang nga lang we failed to video yung sagutan namin kasi mukha sha talagang baliw sa kasisigaw dun.  Ang rude pa she kept speaking in a language na hindi naiintindihan ng karamihan.  Sha pa daw tong may pinag-aralan ha.

Hay pang telenobela tong buhay ko... pwede na nga ako sumali sa segment ng eat bulaga eh yung segment nilang nagpapayabangan "wala kayo sa nanay ko..." hehe  ;D

As for legal advice, may friends ako na lawyers pero nahihiya kasi ako lumapit sa kanila and tell them my story... I am afraid kasi na baka i-judge nila ako.

molybdenumstudios

  • Guest
I have a cousin who is a lawyer, and I might help you for some reason. Not sure kung busy siya or what, but I believe she could help you.

O i-bayan mo i-patrol mo na lang! Chos! Sa Bistado, Pinoy True Stories mo na lang iparating. Kaya mo 'yan!

CityHunter

  • Guest
Hi, carlijn.

My advise ay unahin mo muna yun health mo as you have a baby.  Destress as best as you could though admittedly that is going to be very hard with such a pesky mom.  Believe me na hindi na surprise for me makakita ng such a case.  Let's also thank Him na hindi nadulas to mention about that abortion.  Though it would be best to take that sa grave ay there are secrets that can never be kept.  Siguro lang may proper time for that.

Huwag ka matakot humingi ng tulong sa mga friends mo if they truly are friends.  If only I was a lawyer ay I'd help you ASAP.  I'm sure we have GT sisters (and brothers) here who'd gladly help you rin in what way they could.


 

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