When the Love fades... :(

[zee87]

i just finished reading the "fascinating womanhood" book. Maraming sissies natin dito ang nag-advise na maganda nga siyang basahin specially if one is having a marital problem.

Ive learned so much from this book about how to be fascinating in the eyes of our man, on how to win him back, on how to make him love us above everything.

Pero there are 2 things na dapat natin tandaan as to when we will need to leave our partners.
1. is when we are being abused.
2. is when you applied everything you learned from the book and yet nambabae pa rin si hubby.

Tama yung isang sis natin, if he admits na may problem siya and he acknowledged na inaabuso ka niya, and ready siya magbago, then maybe, you can give him a chance. Pero kung di nya acknowledge yun, iwan mo na... para sayo at para sa anak mo. pls.

[evilwoman]

Yummy05 - wag ka muna makunsensya.possibleng napahiya lang ng todo kaya nagkaganyan.painted as a monster ba naman sya dito.don't expect it to be permanent.makailang araw pa e pwedeng mahimasmasan na sa hiya ang mister mo.tama lang naman na nagshare ka dito dahil di ka komportable magsabi sa inyo.pasalamat nga sya at di ka pa nagsabi sa inyo.baka pinaglalamayan na sya.and for mister..madaming pwedeng gawin using technology.if gugustuhin,pwede matrack ang location/identity mo kaya next time may urge ka na umbagin si misis,pakiuntog na lang ng ulo mo sa pader.

[nessy]

Alam mo TS, Base sa story mo, IMO ha, baka puede pa kayong mag-ayos. If and only if, sabi nga ni Sis ReservoirDogs, He acknowledge His physical abuse towards you, then He agreed to help Himself first, then sige, mag-ayos kayo. Pero If not, haay nakoooo, huwag na.

Ikaw observe mo din. Baka naman mgai lang araw lang iyan then after noon wala na? So, tignan mo rin. Don't give in right away. Remember ang mga ganyang klaseng tao magaling magpaikot.

While it is good na you tell your Family with what he was doing to you, I suggest wag muna, until you decided to finally leave Him and not look back. Kasi, if you decided to work things out then alam ng Family mo ang ginawa/ginagawa niya sa yo, It will not help you fix/save your marriage, eh.

Pero pag decided ka na na ayaw mo na talaga, tell your Family, sila rin ang tutulong sa yo para maprotektahan ka. Para maintindihan rin nila ang pinagdadaanan mo kung saka-sakali.

Pray a lot sis. And also, encourage your Hubby to pray with you as well. Para you would be looking on the same thing. It will really help your family.

[momentum]

All I can say regarding him reading your posts and the sudden "change" in him is:

Time will tell if sincere siyang gusto mag-bago or if it's just a temporary feeling of "guilt" that will sooner or later FADE. you know him better than we do

If personality talaga niya na manakit, then magiging ok, then mananakit uli, and it goes on and on, then a temporary show of "love" by him is just temporary. His true nature will emerge and you know this. You have a choice. 

as my dad advised me before: . You have to reassert your mind over your heart and look through his façade and know what kind of a person he is.

so just be calm, be civil, do what you normally do out of love, BUT, do not expect or hope..like what I said, time will tell. In the meantime too, please please make an effort to find ways on how to make your own money, stop depending on him, I assure you hindi ikaw ang magmumukang talo or kawawa kung sakali man you part ways

[yummy05]

Thanks mga sis.. Actually yesterday nakita ko sa kanya yung dating sya, and I told him he act so strange.. parang kinakabahan ako, ang bait mo.. Then sabi nya, ganito ako pag di ka nangungulit.. pero tama kayo mga sis, observe ko muna baka bukas makalawa iba na naman sya... ang hirap lang iniisip ko na baka way nya yun para gumanti saken? baka ipamukha nya saken someday yung mga achievements nya like kapag naka invest na sya... Yun iniisip ko.. dahil akala nya pinamukha ko sa kanya yung car, pero honestly, hindi naman.. I only need that car for my child's future... because I know sa separation na uwi namin dahil lagi na kami nag aaway... ang hirap basahin ng ugali nya... Thanks mga sis tama kayo wag muna ako maniniwala sa pinapakita nya saken.. Pero sana.. Sana magbago na sya.. Kasi this is our last chance na talaga.. nalulungkot lang ako para sa anak namin kasi mahal na mahal sya ng anak namin. 

[yummy05]

All I can say regarding him reading your posts and the sudden "change" in him is:

Time will tell if sincere siyang gusto mag-bago or if it's just a temporary feeling of "guilt" that will sooner or later FADE. you know him better than we do

If personality talaga niya na manakit, then magiging ok, then mananakit uli, and it goes on and on, then a temporary show of "love" by him is just temporary. His true nature will emerge and you know this. You have a choice. 

as my dad advised me before: . You have to reassert your mind over your heart and look through his façade and know what kind of a person he is.

so just be calm, be civil, do what you normally do out of love, BUT, do not expect or hope..like what I said, time will tell. In the meantime too, please please make an effort to find ways on how to make your own money, stop depending on him, I assure you hindi ikaw ang magmumukang talo or kawawa kung sakali man you part ways

Sis thank you so much.. sa ngayon kasi parang di ko na sya kilala, di ko na alam if sincere sya or not.. Thank you sa lahat ng mga sis natin dito.. Sa sobrang gulo ng utak ko, di ko na alam kung tama o mali na ba ginagawa ko but because of you mga sis, nakakakuha ako ng mga advise na sobrang nakakatulong saken...

[evilwoman]

^may kilala akong couple na after masapok ni mister si misis e todo karinyo.best husband ever pero after a few weeks/months ulit na naman pananapok.kasalanan pa daw ni misis.mga 15yrs din siguro sila nagtagal sa ganung cycle.nauwi din sa hiwalayan.nagkaroon ng bagong gf si mister,lumalapit sa ex wife,talaga ba daw ganoon si lalaki,konting masaling e sapok ka agad.my point is,may mga tao talagang di nagbabago.ingat lagi.

[ReservoirDogs]

Thanks mga sis.. Actually yesterday nakita ko sa kanya yung dating sya, and I told him he act so strange.. parang kinakabahan ako, ang bait mo.. Then sabi nya, ganito ako pag di ka nangungulit..

Pattern of an abusive husband. He'll always blame you for his abusive behavior.

[nessy]

Since obviously, He is an abusive Husband, based on your kwento kasi nga may pattern siya, I wonder is there a way para matulungan ang mga ganitong lalaki? I wonder kasi pag ganito halimbawa si Hubby, parang hihiwalayan ko na lang. Pero sa iba, at sa akin na rin siguro, alam ko naman sa realidad na hindi madali, may mga therapy ba para sa mga abusive Husband para maalis/maayos ang ganitong ugali nila? Just wondering....

[Girltalker2]

sis yummy05, tama sila. observe. only time can tell. you can try to see. pero habang andyan ka, love yourself more.  look for work or a source of income.  kahit andyan sya sa tabi mo o wala, make sure you are independent financially.

kwento ko lang din ang experience ko. kaya naging 10+ years ako nasa purgatory.  my ex was like that. mamaya babait na tipong wala na raw sila ng mistress nya.  so ako naman tatanga t**** maniniwala, kasi andyan nga naman sya pag weekend. at pag weekday business travel daw. then may ma didiscover na naman ako. so mags-sulk na naman ako na parang helpless.  then maya maya, andyan na naman sya. so it was a roller coaster ride for me.  na may "DOUBT" parin everytime "parang" nagkakaayos kami.   and the more na paulit ulit sya, lalong ang hirap makaalis, kasi parang may hope pa kasi nga bumabait sya.

until eventually I decided talaga na tama na. I had to leave to free myself from the trap.

I am not saying na trap iyan ng asawa mo kasi may possibility naman na sincere.  But it is important to protect yourself and always proceed with caution.

[glamorosa_09]

Sis, if it's a difficult decision for you to leave now, I suggest i-educate mo muna yung sarili mo regarding the nature of your husband. Try searching the net about "psychopath husband" and "sociopath husband." Not diagnosing, pero try to see if you can relate with their partners' experiences.

Also try to make a journal. Isulat mo dun lahat ng ginawa nya sayo, yung pananakit, yung pagpapakabait. Para ikaw mismo makakita ng cycle or pattern. Minsan kasi, kung magiging sweet sya, mag-iillusion ka na naman. Pero yung mga naka-record sa journal mo, yun yung magsasabi sayo ng totoo.

Yes, siguro mahirap talagang umalis, if part of you is hoping for a normal family, part of you is hoping na magbabago sya, part of you can't imagine a future without him. So I hope, you'll do a research and see if your expectations are realistic.

Your child will grow in this type on environment, baka isipin nyang normal ang manakit. I hope you'll weigh everything and arm yourself with knowledge.

[glamorosa_09]

Just want to share...

TRAUMA BONDING

-Once a trauma bond is established it becomes extremely difficult for the victim to break free of the relationship.
-The person who is abusing you is also your “rescuer” or source of emotional comfort

How To Identify Trauma Bonding

-If people who are truly your friends are worried about your situation but you are not, you are in denial.
-There is an intermittent and unpredictable abuse. The abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises.
-You have to keep secrets or cover up your partner’s anger, abuse or addictions.
-You have given up your sense of self to meet the needs of someone who is selfish and uses you.
-Your partner expects you to isolate from others, meet every demand, read his mind and always give him what is expected.
-You feel that you have to make your partner understand how you are and he does not care about your feelings.
-The two of you have destructive fights where behavior deteriorates to hurting each other with words or actions instead of trying to solve the problem.
-You stay in dangerous relationships, attract friends or a partner who use you or hurt you.
-The abused person becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

From: Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes Ph.D.
view source

[momentum]

-You have given up your sense of self to meet the needs of someone who is selfish and uses you.
-Your partner expects you to isolate from others, meet every demand, read his mind and always give him what is expected.
-You feel that you have to make your partner understand how you are and he does not care about your feelings.
-The two of you have destructive fights where behavior deteriorates to hurting each other with words or actions instead of trying to solve the problem.
-The abused person becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

Natamaan ako dito coz that's what I actually felt.. such a very horrible situation to be in.
Thank you sis glamorosa_09 for sharing this

[glamorosa_09]

^welcome sis momentum. Hope it will  be helpful to others.

[May24]

My heart goes with you TS. Your'e in a very difficult situation now.

I feel that you wanted to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and tempted to live a normal married life kaso that would be hard struggle on both of your part as husband and wife. Learn to respect yourself and you will see that your husband will respect you as well. Sometimes eto ang nawawala kapag full time housewife ang babae, there are husbands that neglects their wives kasi they sort of associate them as a kasambahay thus being treated as one. Unless we stick to their head na we are their wife, and not just their maid! Kaya nga tayo pinakasalan sa simbahan eh at pinangakuan ng kung ano-ano d ba! 


Sana you will make the right decision for you and child's sake. Always remember to LOVE and RESPECT yourself... malay mo everything will fall into place if you follow whats best and proper for you.

And do not resort to violence... magkaka pasa ka lang. Talk it through...the prim and proper way.

[fegloria1954]

Hmmm, I am a bit confused by Yummy05 who is listed as a girltalker but Yoummy05's profile indicates that he is a male.

[cheerfulone]

ang hirap talaga pag may kids na involved na, parang hindi mo na basta basta magawa mga bagay bagay kahit na nasasaktan ka na..

para sa akin sis, ma fefeel mo naman yun kung talagang may ginagawang hindi maganda ang asawa mo, mararamdaman mo yun, minsan kasi dinadahilan na lang natin mga anak natin para hindi mag let go but the truth is "tayo" talaga ang ayaw bumitaw kasi we still love that person kahit panloloko na lang ginagawa sayo or nanlalamig na siya sayo.

pero always put in your mind naman sissy, na kahit na may baby na kayo, hindi reason yun para kumawala ka sa sitwasyon na yan, kasi ikaw at ikaw lang din naman mag dedecide kung makakaalis ka ba o hindi, kasi ikaw lang makakagawa nyan.

also.. you also have to checked yourself din.. baka mamaya kaya nagiging ganun si hubby baka may mali din sayo, like, kapag pagod na siya sa work baka naman imbes na magpapahinga na lang siya o marelax baka pagod na siya sa work tapos siya pa mag aasikaso sa sarili nya paguwi, may kilala kasi akong ganun, na naging cold and naging pambababae ang outlet niya dahil sa wife niyang walang alam gawin sa bahay, yung tipong uuwi na lang siya ng bahay wala pang lutong ulam or pagkain, mga ganun factor.

[oshiawase]

awww parang nadudurog ang puso ko habang binabasa mga sissies im not yet married but soon to be this coming May.iniisip ko pa lang na baka mangyare saken yan waaaah ayokoooo! sobrang spoiled ako sa h2b ko at kung alagaan parang baby na halos isubo pati kakainin ko kaya pag nangyare samen yan naku talaga naman,.,haaay.. anyways sissies just pray pray pray ask God for His guidance & strength,be more closer to Him.tama si sis girl24 walang ibibigay si God na hindi naten makakaya,.,whenever i feel so down i always read this bible verse.
 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Jeremiah 29:11

anyways,para maiba try to watch HALL PASS & FIREPROOF mga sissies para yan sa mga married po
*hugs*

ako nga walang BF ang pessimist na ng tingin ko sa marriage dahil sa mga ganitong nangyayari. Wala pa namang divorce dito sa Pilipinas.

[oshiawase]

sis everytime na nagkaka big fight kami nanakit sya, sinasakal nya ako, drina drag nya ko sa floor, hahawakan nya ako ng mahigpit then tinutulak ng malakas, pinitsarahan din nya ko dati, nasampal na nya ko ng malakas, last time hinampas nya sa mukha ko yung binder and sinakal nya ang mukha then brag me in the floor.. I know I'm still in the denial stage na di sya nanakit.. Iniisip ko minsan, di naman nya ako sinusuntok but minsan naiiyak ako kasi i know he already violated my right... everytime na galit sya lagi nya ko tinatakot na sige sasaktan talaga kita... :,( i'm only 4'9 and he's 5'9 and masculine kaya sobrang nabibigatan ako sa kamay nya saken.. Inopen ko na sa family ko na gusto ko na ng separation but they insisted na kawawa ang anak namin, and trials lang yan.. Lahat daw dumadaan sa ganyan, kesyo nag aadjust pa lang kami.. Pero never ko sinabi na nananakit asawa ko kasi alam ko ngangawa ako ng malakas at lalaki ang gulo.. Which ayoko ng gulo gusto ko kung magkakahiwalay kami,. yung maayos...

LEAVE WITH YOUR KID NOW. I MEAN IT. HE'S NOT WORTH IT. AGAIN, LEAVE NOW.

[momentum]

How are you sis yummy05?