sis yummy05
I have sent you a pm. Please respect and love yourself. You know you and your son do not deserve this kind of abusive life. I have been in the same boat before and it took time when I finally realized that I didn't deserve to be treated this way and to fight back. Pride won't get you anywhere, so there is no reason at all for you not to seek help from your family, who is always there for you through thick and thin, they won't judge you nor disown you..
But even how many advises you hear from them or from us, it is only you and you alone who can help yourself. And first thing is first, making a decision to end this abusive relationship and stick with the decision no matter what. No turning back. Once you are starting to move on and picking up the pieces of your life, you might even slap yourself for taking so long to make this move, for swallowing all the crap he did to you. You will feel you have wasted too much time for someone who doesn't even care at all about you and your son, who treats you like sh*t after all the sacrifices you made..who lies to you..he is not even contented to hurt you emotionally and psychologically, he had to bring "physically" into the picture. It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Mind you, I had the same reason to stay in the relationship as everyone else who is/was in an abusive relationship, and it's because I didn't want my child to have a broken family coz I came from one and it was really hard. I didn't want my daughter to experience not having a father, and I didn't want to turn out like my mom who became a workaholic, trying to make a living for us to survive but in the process lost her connection to us and made us distant to her. I didn't want to lose myself. But the longer I stayed in the abusive relationship and trying to make it work, the more I could see it is not doing any good to my child and to myself. the more I realized you cannot force someone to change unless he wants to. the more I realized that this is not normal anymore and my daughter and I deserved better
Please love yourself and your son. If you think he is not affected or doesn't know what is going on, think again. My daughter was exposed to this kind of abusive relationship when she was just months old..I left him when she was 1yr 10 months old and up to this day, she is turning 4yo a few months from now, whenever she sees me cry or sad, she always thinks it's her dad that is making me feel this way..she asks "are you sad? papa fight with you?", there was even a time I was crying on the phone and she assumed I was talking to him, she grabbed the phone and shouted "Papa stop fighting mama!! stop fighting mama!!" and gave me back the phone. she doesn't want him near me at all (If I had to bring her to my inlaws when I have nanny problems)..any slight raise of his tone when he talks to me when she is around, she immediately hits him with her hand and runs to me, giving him a very evil look and will not go near him. so you see, kids KNOW and are very observant. kala mo lang walang effect pero meron. nakaka-awa and naiinis ako sa sarili ko because I exposed her to that kind of environment back then.
You have no choice but to stand on your own starting NOW. Learn to get up and fend for yourself and your son, there is no other person he will be dependent to but you, so you need to get a job, so one problem gets resolved. Ask your family's help to look after your son while you are looking for a job. Solve one problem at a time..stop wallowing on your problems sis, or you won't get anywhere. I know it is hard, I know coz I have been there..but you have no choice now but to be strong. Make it a habit to look forward, not back. Once you get a job, find a nanny to look after your kid, unless your mom is willing to. But please please, move out or kick your husband out of he house (if possible)if you can. Like what I said, everything starts with a Decision.
Once your financial and who's-gonna-look-after-my-kid problems are resolved, everything else will follow. Trust that God will never abandon you. Pray for guidance and courage, a clear mind and a peaceful heart. God helps those who help themselves, so please do not just pray and wait for a miracle to happen.
God bless sis
