How to Prevent Hubby/Partner/BF from Straying

[Girltalker2]

Extra marital affairs are very prevalent in our society today.  Being a woman, I am extremely alarmed by this at parang lahat nalang ng lalaki ay may potential mangaliwa.  I believe there are still some who are good natured.  Pero paano ba maiwasan na magcheat si lalaki in a society like ours whereby
- naglipana ang mga willing mistresses,
- sobrang westernized na society and yet struggling from poverty (thus prostitution is an easy way out),
- again I blame the westernized society na sobrang touchy touchy ang mga tao sa office and cannot maintain a certain form of decorum (ie call centers is just one of them)

I am now separated from my husband because he has a mistress and quite a number of flings. I hope kayo, habang ayos pa marriages ninyo, hindi ninyo ma experience ang na experience ko.  In marriages, it is always good to be Preventive. Iwasan habang di pa umaabot sa ganung situation. Kasi once nangyari iyan, ang hirap iwasan as the guy will be hooked.  Trust will break down and eventually ang hirap ulit i-build yung relationship (not to mention walang divorce sa Pinas).

Of course, syempre ang first step nito para iwas infidelity is Choosing Mr Right. Yung walang potential na mambabae.  Pero given nanga you have found Mr Right, I found this article today sa yahoo and would just like to share with you --- How to prevent Cheating in your relationship.

http://ph.she.yahoo.com/how-to-prevent-cheating-in-your-relationship-094113742.html

- Maintain Romance - if you think it is deteriorating, go to the Sex section of GT.    Buy a nice lingerie and surprise him.  Buy some scented candles to set the mood, etc. Make time kahit busy kayo. Criteria ko in finding Mr right ngayon is someone who is romantic. It keeps the relationship alive and kicking.

- Make home enticing - sakin avoiding the clutter and making sure the house is always clean and orderly. But of course not overstressing yourself.

- Start Talking - Isa din ito sa criteria ko sa paghanap kay Mr right. It is important for the guy to be able to express himself and talk a lot. Otherwise mahirap.

- Acknowledge your partner

- Be confident in yourself - never fail to take care of yourself, di lang physically by exercising and maintaining yourself, pero emotionally din para overall package - positive vibes

Bottomline, it takes 2 of you to make it work, but making some of the efforts mentioned above can surely help.

[zhyzhy]

Like! Thanks for sharing this sis. 

[brendzy]

Kudos to this tips! dapat talaga , take all the opportunities to keep the fire burning! thanks po!

[erich84]

The most important thing is PRAYER!!!
Dapat hindi ito mawala since in a relationship there are so many ups & downs na maeencounter. I myself is not an excuse of this. Even though you are already married, still it's not an assurance that you will not be troubled. My husband keeps telling me na if i'm going to think na maghihiwalay kami baka mangyari yon. Instead of thinking negative, make sure you have a strong faith especially to HIM.
Kaya prayer is really the best weapon...

[smoothie]

Don't marry a Filipino?

Seriously, napansin ko sa halos lahat ng lalaki dito sa Pinas, na napakataas ng tingin nila sa sarili nila.

Go for Foreigners who knows how to value relationships.

[Girltalker2]

^ hahaha. sis!  naku ha.  medyo tagline ko rin iyang huwag Pinoy!

Pero seriously, pag foreigner, does not mean mabait din. Pag Pinoy ata mas mababa naman ang probability na nambubogbog.  Kaso nga mataas ang probability na nambababae because they are just love to love, the more the merrier para sa kanila. 

Pag foreigners, ingat din.  Minsan kasi depende sa lahi on how they view/respect women.  May iba naman, hindi romantic (chinese), etc.

I think mga Caucasians ang napansin ko (again hindi lahat), mas lalo ka nilang minamahal at nirerespeto pag naging gf ka na or naging partner kesa sa dating stage.  They are also upfront na hindi prone magcheat at mangaliwa, at least the serious ones.  Kung may nakita silang iba na interesado sila, at least they would tell you kesa paasahin ka, yun pala may iba na. 

 

[gorgeous gal]

Hi sis girltalker2, thanks for sharing this. 

I agree with sis erich84, prayer is the #1 key to a good relationship. it does wonders. 

[Girltalker2]

I know prayers can make wonders. Pero hindi sakin nangyari.  Pero baka nga ang na experience ko ngayon is the "wonders" that God wants to show me - message siguro nya sakin that time is IWAN MO NA SYA AT MAS MAGIGING OK ANG BUHAY MO.

But realistically speaking, hindi ako naniniwala na prayers alone. It has to be backed up by something.  Kung wala talaga, maybe it is HIS way of telling you something. Or puedeng prayers habang ok pa ang relationship ninyo.

In my case kasi when I started to pray really really hard, NOTHING HAPPENED. In fact, it worsened pa. All the more I felt alone. All the more I felt trapped with no one to help me. And yet, pray pako ng pray. It came to a point I wanted to end my life kasi wala syang magandang pinapakita sakin.  Nagalit din ako sa Diyos for making my life miserable, and yet, all my life I only did good. I never hurt anyone, I never cheated anyone, I was devoted to my studies and my parents when I was single, then nagtrabaho, then got married and became a devoted wife.  Then anong napala ko?  Wala because my ex had a mistress. I was so clueless why it happened and how it happened, up until now. 
Just sharing my side why I think prayers may help, but it can never be just the answer. 

In any case past na iyon. And mahihirapan talaga ako at ang magiging partner ko because of my past experience on being cheated.  Hindi madali magkaron ng relationship ulit knowing what I went through. But this time, I am wiser.  Alam ko na what I will never accept.  And kapag dumating man, maybe I can be a better partner narin and I will try my best to prevent my partner from straying.

[greenpease05]

Don't marry a Filipino?

Seriously, napansin ko sa halos lahat ng lalaki dito sa Pinas, na napakataas ng tingin nila sa sarili nila.

Go for Foreigners who knows how to value relationships.

hahaha! LIKE!

Napansin ko din sa mga lalakeng pinoy. Sobrang machismo. they love proving themselves as the macho as dominante.
 hey want all the love in the world but doesn't give as much. Napansin ko lang po.

It's either dapat mas malaks ang personality ng babae to hold his man or dapat may kinakatakutan sila para di magloko. ewan. =))

[glamorosa_09]

Some emotional affairs nowadays begin from innocent and platonic friendships. So in addition to the tips above, here are my suggestions:

1. Talk to your husband about creating boundaries around his friendships with the opposite sex.

HOW?

 - Avoid receiving and giving counsels on relationship and personal problems. Some things are best discussed with you (the wife) and not with a friend of the opposite sex.

 - Avoid enjoying, experiencing and spending time together on the same interests and hobbies with a friend of the opposite sex.

 - Avoid making his friend his best friend, because you (the wife) should be his only best (girl) friend. One cannot give an equal loyalty to both people.

WHY?

Because these things when repeated several times with only one person, may lead to emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy, when unchecked, may lead to an emotional affair. Remember, in marriage, we vowed for both physical and emotional exclusivity with our partners.

And as they say, precautions are better than cure. And just like a drug, I won't take a single taste of it for the fear of getting addicted.


2. Educate your Spouse

Some spouses don't know that being emotionally intimate with the opposite sex is also considered as an emotional affair. Emotional intimacy through internet chatting and emailing are also included. They assume that the only form of infidelity is having sexual affairs.

Sadly, some emotional affairs lead to sexual acts.

3. Let him know that attraction is normal. But it doesn't mean they married the wrong person. And when they feel that they are attracted towards a certain person, then just be casual, don't flirt and don't deepen the relationship.

4. Decide with your spouse to protect your marriage as a team.

5. Be a real best friend. Of course you can only talk about these with your spouse if you have a solid friendship. So be a real best friend - good listener,non-judgmental, non-critical.

These also apply to wives, of course.

[snowflakes]

Ayoko magpaka nega pero minsan kahit anong effort gawin natin kung gusto nila mangaliwa
Mangangaliwa sila at wala kang magagawa.  Example si sunshine. Napakaganda nya pati mga anak nya
Sa ig nya puro sweet pics nila at pinagluluto nya pa palage asawa nya. Pero ano nangyare?

[Girltalker2]

^^ thanks glamorosa, nice pieces of advise.

^ snowflakes, I really believe nasa sa tao iyan.  Pero hindi syempre hahayaan na ganun. Nasa sa atin pumili ng partner na walang potential para manloko. Then from there, protect our relatioinship.  Kung sa una palang medyo babaero na, totoo ang sinasabi mo na kahit anong gawin natin, iyan parin ang ending.

As for Sunshine, I am not sure about Cesar talaga, hindi ba sa umpisa palang duda na ang madla kasi may previous marriage na sya?  wala ba syang potential talaga mambabae considering sa mundong iniikutan nya?

[snowflakes]

^tama ka nasa tao yan, pero mapipili mo ba kung sinong pwede mong mahalin? Paanokung mahal mo yung isang taong dating nambabae. Para mo na ring sinabing wala silang karapatang magbago, ang sinasabi ko lang naman, kahit ano pang gawin natin, if magloloko, magloloko. Kahit ikulong mo yan sa bahay.

[glamorosa_09]

@snowflakes

I also believe na kahit ibulsa mo yung spouse mo, kung magloloko yan, magloloko yan.

In any marriage naman, there is always a probability that either one of the spouses will cheat. No one can really say that my husband or my wife will never commit such a thing. Mahirap magsalita ng tapos eh.

But the question is, aren't you going to do anything to decrease that probability by working hard on your marriage, by protecting it, by doing all that you can? Are you just going to leave your marriage to chance? Come what may, bahala na si batman? Well I hope not, because all successes in life required effort, same thing in relationships.

The natural order of things - kids, work, irritating in laws, separate hobbies -  will naturally drift you apart. It requires effort to stay closer together.

ang sinasabi ko lang naman, kahit ano pang gawin natin, if magloloko, magloloko. Kahit ikulong mo yan sa bahay.

If this is the conviction of a single person, then why marry in the first place? Why try if you're sure you're going to fail?

Para kang magnenegosyo, why put up a business kung sure kang babagsak naman.

And about a cheater reforming his ways, it's like there is a 50% chance na pwede magbago, and there is a 50% na pwedeng hindi. But if I am single, I won't risk it. Katakot eh, I'll be spending the rest of my life with this person, and I am not sure whether he will change or not.

When I was single, deal breaker saken yan. Of course, para namang aaminin noh? LOL! Pero kung nagcheat saken bf-gf pa lang kami, isang malaking EKIS na, hindi ko na paaabutin sa dalawa. Hindi naman ako desperado sa lalaki eh. But that's just me, I mean no offense to anyone.

Pero syempre pag asawa mo na, asawa mo na, gawin mo na lahat, sagad mo na hanggang buto, para wala kang pagsisihan. And it's up to you kung hanggang saan ang hangganan mo.

[quinone]

How to Prevent Hubby from Straying...

unang-una, huwag magpakasal sa alam nating babaero. may mga ibang babae, they forgive their cheating boyfriends (though i believe in second chances, pero hanggang doon lang) and then marry them. unbelievable!

[erich84]

^tama ka nasa tao yan, pero mapipili mo ba kung sinong pwede mong mahalin? Paanokung mahal mo yung isang taong dating nambabae. Para mo na ring sinabing wala silang karapatang magbago, ang sinasabi ko lang naman, kahit ano pang gawin natin, if magloloko, magloloko. Kahit ikulong mo yan sa bahay.

Naalala ko tuloy hubby ko when he courted me before..same thought din na bakit wala na ba karapatan ang tao to change?But I think nasa tao din talaga yan. mas maganda if the guy mismo shows the desire and will to be braved enough to fight or protect the relationship you built. Open communication will help also. We're open with each other naman and we always say or honest if ano yong likes and dislikes namin  sa isa't isa. Biruan pa nga namin but i take it seriously na once may nagtaksil sa isa sa amin, Salvage ang katapat, but seriously you must pray each other talaga.

[stylishmomy]

Don't marry a Filipino?

Seriously, napansin ko sa halos lahat ng lalaki dito sa Pinas, na napakataas ng tingin nila sa sarili nila.

Go for Foreigners who knows how to value relationships.

I hate to agree with you sis but I do... noticed na ang astig ng mga pinoy mambabae, kahit yung
mga walang pera at pangit!

Thanks for the great tips sis Girltalker2

[snowflakes]

@snowflakes

If this is the conviction of a single person, then why marry in the first place? Why try if you're sure you're going to fail?

Para kang magnenegosyo, why put up a business kung sure kang babagsak naman.

And about a cheater reforming his ways, it's like there is a 50% chance na pwede magbago, and there is a 50% na pwedeng hindi. But if I am single, I won't risk it. Katakot eh, I'll be spending the rest of my life with this person, and I am not sure whether he will change or not.

Walang assurance ang mundo. Id rather try and fail than not try at all. Isa pa sa negosyo kelangan mo mag take ng risk. Dahil hinde mo alam kung mananalo ka or matatalo. Walang assurance. Walang nakaka alam kung ano pedeng mangyare. Parang sa love, yung lalaking akala mo matino eh pag naging asawa mo pala mas g**o pa kesa sa ex mong babaero. Hinde mo malalaman hanggant di mo sinusubukan. Hinde mo makikilala isang tao sa isang pagkakamali lang at lalong habang hinde kayo nagsasama sa iisang bubong.

Im not saying naman na wag magbigay ng effort oara di magloko ang asawa at maghanap ng iba. Sakin lang lets be realistic. What if lahat na ginawa mo pero nagloko pa rin sino ba masasaktan sa sobrang pag eexpect na ang asawa nya eh di sha lolokohin kase she is doing this and that.
In my humble opinion, lahat ng lalake may potential na magloko. Kahit nga babae eh. Pero bakit ang lalaki gumagawa ba sila ng effort para di magloko asawa nila? Diba sila din minsan ang dahilan bakit sila iniiwan ng babae at sumasama sa iba? My point is it takes two to tango. Hinde naman pedeng tayo lang mga babae dapat mag igay ng effort at kung ano anong milagro para sa ikagaganda ng pagsasama ng mag asawa.

[erich84]

Very well said sis snowflakes

[mooncake and leaves]

In my humble opinion, lahat ng lalake may potential na magloko. Kahit nga babae eh. Pero bakit ang lalaki gumagawa ba sila ng effort para di magloko asawa nila? Diba sila din minsan ang dahilan bakit sila iniiwan ng babae at sumasama sa iba? My point is it takes two to tango. Hinde naman pedeng tayo lang mga babae dapat mag igay ng effort at kung ano anong milagro para sa ikagaganda ng pagsasama ng mag asawa.

yes, this is true. everyone has the potential to cheat. however, there's a big difference between marrying someone with the full knowledge that he or she is capable of being unfaithful vs marrying someone you completely trust and having them disappoint you later on. with the first situation, the other person can easily tell you, hey, you knew this about me. you married me which means you accepted this fact about me. why are you complaining now? with the second one, you can always say, hey, this is not the person i married. it goes without saying that when you marry someone, you sign up for things you know and don't know but at least with the second one, you won't have yourself to blame.