Paano mo mahuhuli na may KABIT si Mister?

[Janelc]

Hello newbie here.  Anyway I've been reading all your posts at  nakakatulong sa akin ng malaki hindi pala ako nag iisa. We live in the US my husband is 53 and I'm 10 yrs younger I found out he was cheating when I heard him moaning in the bathroom the shower was on pero dinig ko pa rin so nacurious ako so I listened then in the end he said "thanks babe I love you".  I confronted him right away of course he denied normal lang daw sa guys to do that thing in the bathroom nahihiya nga daw siya at napalakas. From then on hindi na ako mapakali I search the internet for ways to find out if his cheating.  My husband is a truck driver so he spends most of his time in his truck.  I found out about a sony voice recorder that can record up to 1000 minutes and the battery last for 96 hrs. I stole his truck key  and got a copy. I recorded a week of his conversations with his kabitch and dun ko nalaman na not only that he has a kabitch naanakan pa niya the (baby is almost 1yr old).  Para akong pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa and sakit sakit. Pag alis palang pala ng bahay namin ng 6:45 in the morning tawag na siya sa girl then pag alis niya ng warehouse tawag ulit siya then sa hapon on his way home na tawag ulit siya. By the way ganun ang routine nila. And this gross me out talaga they were having phone s*x too. nasa pilipinas nga pla si kabitch. Kaya pala kumuha siya ng unlimited long distance sa Pinas and dahilan niya sa akin para daw makontak nya yung mga tauhan niya dun (may farming business kasi siya dun).  Rewind tayo ng konti 2 yrs ago umuwi sya sa pinas dahil inaasikaso niya mga lupain nila then pagbalik niya may nakita akong text na "thank you sa lahat babe imiss you." Hindi mahilig mag text si hubby kaya walang sent messages. I confronted hubby of course deny ulit baka wrong sent lang daw. anyway tinawagan ko yung number at girl ang sumagot and tanong ko anong relasyon mo kay ganito and sagot nya wala daw syang kilalang ganong baka na wrong sent lang siya so sinabihan ko siyang siguraduhin nya lang dahil nakakagulo pero napansin ko pareho sila ng accent so tinatong ko si girl at may sinabi siyang town which is very close to husbands town so nagduda na ako but because we are so far away naisip kalimutan na lang. Right now if you add up the months she got pregnant that time na umuwi si hubby.  Part of me want to leave him financially secure naman ako at dito sa america I can go after him for child support and alimony pero iniisip ko ang anak ko we have a 13 yrs old and 4yrs boys lalo na yung bunso namin very close sa kanya.  Ang nakakainis pa mga sis hiyang hiya siya nung biglang nasundan yung panganay namin kasi matanda na daw sya eh ano kaya feeling nya ngayon na 53 na siya eh may baby pa siya.  Feeling pa yata ni kabitch nakabingwit sya ng balikbayan na mayaman kasi may narinig ako ng usapan nila na pati pamilya niya eh financially natutulungan ng ass*&^ole kung asawa at hindi lang yun binigyan din daw niya ng pampuhunan sa pahulugan na wala ding nangyari at pinag holiday pa. Madalas din silang mag away sa phone dahil si kabitch eh nag eentertain pa ng mga guys eto namang asawa ko selos na selos.  I will be confronting him tonight although last week ko pa nalaman about the baby hinintay ko muna bumaba emotions ko saka I sending the kids to my sister for a sleepover tonight dahil ayokong marinig nila usapan namin.  I would need all your encouragement or advice mga sis.  Should I just walk away part of me says don't let that b*tch ruin the family we built for 20 yrs and hirap lang kasi dahil may involve na baby. This is the second time he cheated on me I forgave him the first time. Should I let him get away with it again? HELP!!!

[Girltalker2]

^ Financially and physically, may divorce naman dyan at alimony, so hindi magiging issue ang issues namin dito sa Pinas with you.

Pero emotionally, kelangan prepared ka.  Sabi nga nila, kapag nag investigate ka, and confronted him na, dapat ready ka with the worse outcome (at least for that moment) - to walk away.


So once you confront him, 3 things may happen:

1.  He will deny. He will make excuses kahit sobrang obvious na.  In this case, my suggestion to you is to separate na with him, file for divorce and make sure he suffers (financially). Di ko alam kung may ways to secure your assets, car, finances under your name lang or baka ma discuss din sila pag dating sa pag ayos ng divorce.  Anyway, kasi kung deny to death pa rin sya, ibig sabihin, he is not remorseful, and patuloy na magch cheat sya sa marriage nyo kung hindi mo ito putulin. Therefore, no point in staying married.

2. He will admit and say sorry. Magsasabi magbabago, pero hindi.
This is very tricky kasi ang question is maniniwala ka ba sa kanya kapag sinabi nya i-give up nya mistress nya at ang anak nya sa labas?
Will he be willing to undergo marriage counseling and start a new life with you, rebuild the trust, take  care of you and your family?  If not, I guess you must walk away rather than living a life of misery.

3. He will admit and will not be sorry, but rather will justify why he had a mistress.  Sasabihin nya na ayaw na nya sayo. Among the 3, this is the worst outcome short-term, pero believe me, this is the best for you in the long run.  Kasi this option, if he is really not sinungaling, can set you free from further heartaches and torturous sleepless nights within the marriage.  Kung wala nang love, kung wala na talagang dugong natitira sa kanya na magfocus sa 1 family lang (kayo), then leave.

Keep his relationship with his kids separate with your marriage.  Marami naman counseling how to deal with that. How to introduce the kids to divorce, how to make them understand but at the same time feel loved parin.  You have to be prepared also to support your kids as much as you could during these difficult times.  Hindi sa tinatakot kita, pero as a single mom, wala tayong choice.  Sila ang buhay ko at ayaw ko syempre na mahurt sila. Pero inevitable, ang importante again to make them feel secure, constant assurance of the love for them will be forever (kahit hindi naging forever ang love ninyo mag-asawa sa isa't isa).
Tapos pa, with the environment you have, maraming kids from divorced parents din, mas madali kahit papano. Di gaya sa Pinas, ang daming tatay na philandering, pero married parin ang parents.


 

[Janelc]

Girltalker2 Salamat. Finally nagkausap kami ni Hubby hindi na siya makatanggi nung binanggit ko pangalan ng baby anyway nag sorry at remorseful naman siya at nangakong makikipaghiwalay na siya kay kabitch actually kinansel na niya ang long distance service niya.  Susustentuhan na lang ang bata... ano pa nga ba eh wala naman kasalanan ang bata.  I tried to kick him out pero hindi daw siya aalis dahil mahal niya kaming pamilya niya mag umpisa daw kami ulit.  Kung ako lang handa na akong makipag divorce kaso iniisip ko rin mga anak ko lalo na ang bunso dahil napakabata pa niya. Ang nakakainis lang I told him to call the kabitch right there and then para sabihin kay kabitch na tapos na eh ayaw ba naman siya na daw makikipag usap (duh!). I have decided to stay together for the sake of the kids pero may hangganan once na maramdaman akong hindi siya sincere sa pinangako niya goodbye na.

[czel10]

i thought nag iisa lang ako sa ganitong situation,, pero sa dami ng nabasa ko i realized na madami pala akong same situation.... thanks to you guys here... akala ko mablame ko yung sarili ko pero sa sobrang dami ng katotohanang nabasa ko nakpag isip isip ako.... since this week pa lang nangyari pwedeng mag laylo muna sila,,,and worst after a weeks or months eto na naman.. napakahirap talagang ibalik yung dati pag nasira na yung trust mo. i thought sa pelikula lang ito nangyayari pero nangyari na sa kin ehhh sa atin.... ang nakakainis lang pag nalaman mo parang ikaw pa yung masama pag kinokompronta mo siya sa ginawa niya. i remember pa na tinext ko yung girl na tigilan na niya yung pag flirt nila ng partner ko ang sagot niya pa sa kin 'wag ko daw siya pag isipan ng masama' after that conversation sa text a months past and i discover nto nga lang monday nov.4 na there is something sa kanila. tinawagan ko pa yung girl sa work nila kasi di na ko nakatiis at ang babaw daw ng dahilan ko para magalit...(yun time na na nakakita ko ng sulat ni girl sa wallet ng partner ko).. haissttt di man lang siya takot sa Diyos o sa karma at sinabihan pa ko na may pamilya siya at ayaw niya makipag away.. haiyyyysstt parang ako pa ang masama....ngayon naiisip kong bigyan muna ng space yung bf ko kasi lately parang lagi din malalim iniisip niya at nahihirapan ako pag nakikita kong may gumugulo sa isip niya....siguro pag mahal talaga natin kahit tayo yung masaktan ok lang kasi hoping tayo na someday marealize nila yung mali nila and through God's help mag heheal din yung pain... i hope to find new friends here kasi pag may kausap ako kahit papano nakakalimutan kong nagiisa ako... kami pala ng baby ko... czel_affection@yahoo.com email niyo po ako.....

[ankyneMD]

kung totoong iniiwasan niya yung girl, hindi na niya dapat tinago/tinatago pa yung letter sakanya.

[czel10]

actually may pagka makalimutin un bf ko.. yesterday siguro binigay yun nung girl.. kinabukasan i thank God day off niya at ayun nakita ko... nakalagay naman dun sa note na nagtatanong yung girl kung bakit siya iniiwasan...yun ang laman nung note niya...

[Girltalker2]

Ang nakakainis lang I told him to call the kabitch right there and then para sabihin kay kabitch na tapos na eh ayaw ba naman siya na daw makikipag usap (duh!).

Ito ang hindi ko maintindihan. Ginawa ko rin iyan. Ang sabi sakin ng ex ko, kawawa nanga raw kakawawain ko pa.  Sabi ko mag usap kayo sa harap ko pero huwag mo sabihin na nakikinig ako. Ayaw!  So, in the end, he continued pa rin behind my back hanggang sa continue parin nga akong hindi mapakali, kasi true enough hindi naman sya nagbago.

So sa mga nasabi kong puedeng mangyari, nangyari sakin yung #1 and #2.  Una deny pa. Nung di na maka deny, hindi na raw.  Pero di naman nangyari.

Kaya just open your eyes sis, I just hope he is telling the truth. Pero not to discourage you, sa mga research ko about these things na may anak sa labas, gaya ng ex ko, hirap sila iwan ang babae. Pero in your case, mas maganda ang chances mo kasi LDR sila.

[czel10]

GIRLS dapat bang wag na lang ungkatin pa kung ano ang pinaggagawa ng bf at ng ka flirt niya pag sinabi niya na tapos na yun at wala na? or much better na paulit ulit kang magtanong sa kanya... kung gusto niyo na bang mag move on pareho at magstart ulit? we just came from the church and good kasi yung topic about sa mag asawa... just like connecting to God... i hope nag sink in lahat yung sinabi ni pastor para makapag start na nga ulit kami...

[Girltalker2]

^ Sis, ikaw lang makakapagsabi kasi.  If you can still trust him and naniniwala ka na totoo sinasabi nya, then puede ka tumahimik and just go on with the relationship.

But in most cases, mahirap mapakali, especially if the guy is not remorseful.  Sa mga articles na nabasa ko regarding this, the betrayed's experience is more life-wrecking, traumatic at hindi madali makalimutan, dala dala nya iyan sa buong buhay nya especially sa mga mag-asawa.  Pero ang nagbetray, puede nyang makalimutan ang incident.

In your case, BF palang naman.  Kung mahal mo, at willing ka bigyan sya ng chance, just give him a chance then. Pero huwag ka papakasal kapag hindi ka pa sigurado. Kasi mahirap makasal sa palikero, moreso sa Pinas pa na walang divorce, panghabambuhay na pagdurusa ang aabutin mo.

[czel10]

actually im pregnant kasi... ilan days na din kami naguusap... he said na flirt lang yung nangyari.... and for the fast few days after that nakikita ko na sincere naman siya.... minsan tuloy naiisip ko na baka dahil super perfect ako nababawasan yung confident niya... the reason why he tried to flirt to other.... mahirap kasi mapakali pag nasa bahay lang... hindi rin makatulog which is kailangan pag buntis ka... haiissttt sana lang wala ng malalanding babae pa na lumapit sa kanya alam naman kasi natin na pag babae and nagpapakita ng unan motibo medyo mahirap maisantabi... i also ask him na maghiwalay muna kami if he needs space pero hindi siya pumayag at nakiusap na sana daw kalimutan na namin yun  so we can start again... mga sis i need a realistic answer po... possible pa din ba na marevive yung relation niyo at makapag start ulit? though yung trust medyo hindi na talaga buo pero may mga cases ba na nagbabago talaga si bf/ husband? specially kung flirting pa lang naman yung nangyari? may mga reationship pa din ba na happy ending after that trauma?

[Girltalker2]

actually im pregnant kasi...

Marriage is never an answer to pregnancy.  One should not marry just because buntis yung babae.  It is a lifetime commitment. 

ilan days na din kami naguusap... he said na flirt lang yung nangyari.... and for the fast few days after that nakikita ko na sincere naman siya....

So for how long will it be like that?  Tingin mo forever?  Sa nakita ko at na experience ko, it does not last, babalik at babalik ang totoong kulay nila.  But there are some na talagang nagkamali lang ONCE. At ang totoong kulay nila eh hindi talaga sinungaling.  Though most, nagbabago sandali lang, then ayan na naman. Paulit ulit na parang sirang plaka na nir replay ang pagbetray at pagsisinungaling nila.

minsan tuloy naiisip ko na baka dahil super perfect ako nababawasan yung confident niya...

Sis, your life partner should bring out the best in you, not make him feel superior by not being at your best.  If your life partner cannot bring in you to be your best self, then I don't think he is the guy for you.

the reason why he tried to flirt to other....

It is not your fault. Sya ang nagkamali, sya ang nagsinungaling. Di purkit magaling ka or mas magaling ka sa kanya, justified na manloko sya, especially you both are in a serious relationship.

haiissttt sana lang wala ng malalanding babae pa na lumapit sa kanya alam naman kasi natin na pag babae and nagpapakita ng unan motibo medyo mahirap maisantabi...

Sis, nasa Pinas ka.  Impossibleng walang malalanding babae.  Pinays kasi sadyang malalambing compared to other races. I am currently abroad, and even before, sa iba pang country ako nagwork, this is what I hear --- My boss wife said huwag na huwag papuntahan ang mga mister sa Manila at di makakabalik yun ng walang kalaguyo, kahit one night stand man lang or fling.

Kaya kahit anong marriage, to be able to withstand a third party, kailangan extra effort at extra conscientious ang guy na umiwas dito. Otherwise, you should just learn to accept that they have had other women within your marriage one way or another.

i also ask him na maghiwalay muna kami if he needs space pero hindi siya pumayag at nakiusap na sana daw kalimutan na namin yun  so we can start again...

That's good. Maybe you guys can go through counselling, para ma patch ninyo ang mga issue ninyo sa isa't isa.

mga sis i need a realistic answer po... possible pa din ba na marevive yung relation niyo at makapag start ulit? though yung trust medyo hindi na talaga buo pero may mga cases ba na nagbabago talaga si bf/ husband? specially kung flirting pa lang naman yung nangyari? may mga reationship pa din ba na happy ending after that trauma?

I gave you a realistic answer na ayaw mo. It seems you just want to hear yung gusto mong answer.  But it not kasi the case.  It is only 1 out of a million na nag end up maging masaya ang marriage after infidelity.  Though siguro mga 50% hindi naman naghihiwalay pero ang marriage ninyo parang buhay purgatoryo.

And the thing is, with Pinoys, most of them, it gets worst by the day. Kung mag GF palang kayo kaya nya iyan gawin, mataas din ang probability that he can be more daring lalo na pag mas matagal kayo magsama. May potential.

[czel10]

haiisst thanks po sis sa mga answer... for the fast few days narealized ko na tama rin pala yung nabasa ko dito dati na... tangapin mo yung sakit at umiyak ka... after mo tangapin at umiyak di mo na mararamdaman ulit... it really happened to me one day... parang napagod na din ao mag isip, mag imbestiga at kung ano ano pa, i never replied on my bf/partners text and he went home he asked me whats the problem... i just told him na ayoko lang magreply... haha nagpapamis... but after that day eto na naman i still keep on finding something just to prove to myslef na wala na talaga siya kaflirt and as of now... wala pa/na siguro talaga...  pero ganun siguro talaga pag once na tayong na betray di na mawawala yung duda... as the days goes by na lelet go ko na din yung mga nangyari and trying to be more sweet (kahit noon naman eh) mas maasikaso and also ask him about his work... kailangan talaga na kung gusto natin i keep yung mahal natin pakita natin sa kanila na we are better than the 'other woman'.... so for all us here... good luck sa tin....

[babysean]

hello mga sisess, i feel sad reading your stories, i too experienced the same before. for girls na hindi kayang iwan ang husbands nila bakit need niyo pa mag investigate? di niyo naman kaya iwan try to spend your time energy on improving yourself, magpaganda ka, agapan mo, iseduce mo siya, mastress lang kayo sa malalaman niyo. boys will never ever aamin. trust me. if they did he just belong to 1%.

i have been desperate too in the past na naisip ko lagyan ng gps tracker ang car niya, nawala lang sa isip ko kaya hindi ko pa nalalagyan, i just use smart tracker, 5 pesos lang.

but you know my fellow girls, i experienced to be cheated by my bf which is my husband now(well not yet married but with 1 child) i thought of commiting suicide before, my world fallen apart. but naisip ko parents ko, sa tuwing nakikita ko picture ng mama at dady ko in their wedding, they did not raise me to be hurt by someone, i learned to be strong, strong in terms na natuto ako makipaglaro sa husband ko, you did mistake? deal with it, you suffer, he did mistakes in the past, but i can feel ayoko ng humanap ng iba, he is my home, he is not perfect of course, he too accept me despite sa mga nagawa ko. we are always in love. so you girls please learn to love yourself first, totoo ngang god will find a way for you para malaman he will, so nung naging malinaw na sa akin i went abroad, i stop my studies para pumunta ng thailand para makalimutan lahat, at least with this way he knows na i will do somethhing everytme he will make a mistake, so girls if you cant leave them just atleast give them ultimatum, something na will make them feel empty,

just to add more on how to catch him, well our other sises already mention, check check on unexpected moment his cp, fb. enroll his number on a tracker. check the gas and the money, take note of his expenses pattern, his routin pattern on texting or calling you. actually there are thousands way. just be sure you are ready for it

[sk8rboyswife]

It started end of November 2013, we had a huge fight by him going home late w/o telling me. We were living at my parents house, he said he needed space so he went home sa kanila.

I trusted him that it's space he really need. January 2014 I found out and confirmed there's something going on between him and an officemate. How? Facebook, I added a friend of the girl and saw their pictures together with the girl's friends. Before pa yan, may FB account siyang ginawa and friend nya dun yung girl and her friends, sila lang (now deactivated). Late December 2013 I found out he was in Baguio, di niya inaamin kasama niya yung girl but I confirmed dun sa lodge they checked in na may guest syang kasama (ayaw i confirm yung gender), sumunod that night he checked in.

We went through Marriage Encounter and he decided to go back with me and our son late Feb this year. Through FB din, nalaman ko nagresign na yung girl. I sent an email sa manager nila with their pictures about their affair, but i don't know na how their office dealt with them since di naman nagreply pero kinausap ata sila.

For him we may be okay. Pero ako, I don't know how will I gain my trust anymore. Kahit pa sabihin niyang wala na, tuldok na, tapos na and we can start over. For all I know he just did that coz wala na yung babae.

[CITIgirl_04]

haiissttt sana lang wala ng malalanding babae pa na lumapit sa kanya alam naman kasi natin na pag babae and nagpapakita ng unan motibo medyo mahirap maisantabi...

sis if you want a realistic answer... it takes two to tango.. let's not just blame everything to the other woman. ginusto rin ng guy mo yun... Anybody can refuse if they don't want to. Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan.

[Girltalker2]

^ I agree.

Di naman mawawala ang mga malalanding babae. sa Manila pa. To add to that, di lang malandi, I must say malalambing at magaganda pa.

So I guess, nasa sa lalaki talaga iyon.  Kung di man sa current kabit nya sya pumatol, meron at meron ibang opportunity, kakagat at kakagat sya, sinuman yung babae.

[happybride]

Hi ladies... i have also been reading the posts here and I am really learning a lot.. my question is this, I have read several times on this thread na sa cellphone mo malalaman kung may tinatago si husband, kasi hindi niya maiwan. Pero paano kung wala ka naman nakukutuban or you cant think of a possible way para magcheat si husband kasi lagi naman on time umuwe from work and lagi kami magkausap and di naman sya nawawalan ng oras to pamper and maglambing sakin and alam ko rin naman ang labas pasok ng pera sa bank account niya. Pero pagdating sa cellphone di niya talaga nahiwalay sa katawan nya, ultimo maligo. Should i worry? My friends say mabait si husband at mukhang di gagawa ng kalokohan and i trust my hubby din naman, di ko lang talaga maintindihan bakit ganun na lang paghawak niya sa phone niya. Really need your opinion. TIA!

[simang]

^wag ka na maghanap ng ikakapraning mo :-) as per your username, be the happy bride.

[lisse]

^^si, ikaw na din may sabi na you have no reason to suspect your hubby of cheating. so chill lang.
madami reasons why lagi dala ang cellphone.

- malay mo adik sa candy crush
- malay mo adik sa facebook
- malay mo adik sa online gambling
- malay mo nagba-browse o basa-basa habang nasa trono

actually marami pa pero bottomline is, don't look for something that isn't even there. focus on your marriage instead, all the good things about it.

[maiandra]

sis happybride, my hubby has been like that in all 9 years of our marriage. actually nasa iyo naman yun kung hindi issue sayo yung pagiging sobrang private ng asawa mo, then you have to put with it esp since wala naman syang track record ng pambabae.

Ako kasi nung magbf pa lang kami hindi naman sya ganun and then suddenly naging secretive sya sa phone and tamang hinala na lang, until I realized if we were ever going to be back together he was going to have to give up his so called privacy in order to gain my trust back.

But in your case sis, there's nothing to really wonder about. Why don't you try asking him directly kung bakit lagi niya dala phone nya?