Long Distance Relationship, Does it even work?

[remilicious]

I've been with LDRs for the past few years. The past relationships weren't successful because usually I had to leave the country when I was still based abroad.

One of them I had to leave but we continued, sadly only for six months. He was supposed to go here, even had a plane ticket and plans to stay for work but it just got cancelled. That was heartbreaking for me and it took me years to recover. Some of my friends told me maybe he was the one who got away because our only problem was distance. He was maalaga and all that.

The other LDR was we just decided to stop what we had because I was leaving and he had different plans. He wanted to go somewhere else after finishing his Phd at the country where we met and I wanted to stay here or move somewhere else.

I've noticed lately na lapitin ako sa LDR palagi. It's not easy but it takes two to tango. Lately there's a new guy courting me and once again, he lives faraway. Only this time, he is from the same country but in the province and I live in the city. We met during vacation which was surprising.

He said he really wants to court me despite the distance and said he'll visit me here. But I've heard this before so I'm a bit on the side of not truly believing it until I actually see him fly here to meet me. We have to wait for a couple of months. I keep telling myself to not expect as it might get cancelled or postponed because of his work.

It's hard as I'm starting to develop feelings for the guy. I sometimes have the tendency to wait for him to communicate even though I know we're both busy. I don't like making it a habit where you yearn or look for him even if he contacts you almost everyday. Sometimes I imagine, if he becomes my bf, how will it be? He said if that happens, he'll move here but I know for a fact it's easier said than done based on past experiences, especially in terms of finding him a job.

Perhaps I've been so jaded with my exes and I'm being negative. I try to convince myself to give him a chance and to stay positive. So yeah if this works out, I'll be in another LDR. But hopefully we'll get to be together in one place instead.

[fall2pieces]

He's in the US and I'm here sa Pinas. We're still new & I don't know if kaya ko yung ganitong set up. Minsan wala kami gaano time magusap because of work at time difference at minsan wala syang signal dahil sa barko sya nagwowork. 

My family knows him well & his family too, his mom actually approves of me for him and he's talking about having kids na.  I don't know mahirap pala ang ganito pero hopefully maging okay din..

[Girltalker2]

Di naman lokohan kasi in relatioship kami and he knows my family ay dahil malayo siya hindi ko pa namemeet family niya kahit isa wala pa.

Kumusta na sis? You said you haven't met any of his family. How about friends? Have you met any of his friends or colleagues?

Wala lang, I'm just curious how ldr relationships are formed these days. Di mo pa nameet any of his family pero kayo na? Parang papano mo nasabi kayo na if all you know is kung anong sinasabi nya about him ay yung mga pinagsasabi nya and not the things that you personally have seen/observed.

[badw33d]

^ LDR is good if both are good or having the same focus and goal. otherwise, it's a waste.

I'm on LDR with my wife :-) we make things work out and happen all the time.

[fall2pieces]

Yung sa amin naman I know him well na including his family I know them and they know my family, too. Pero kami hindi pa kami nagkakasama  talaga in person kasi noon hindi naman kami ganong close. 

He courted me thru my aunt and after 1 month I said yes to him. Do you think it's too soon? I didn't think twice na  kasi I know the guy well na & I'm ready for it since I've been single for so long. I just don't know if I kaya ko ang LDR..

[Girltalker2]

^ no such thing as too soon. Kung sa nakilala mo na sya within a shorter span of time eh.

Pero iba narin kasi pala these days. For me kasi, medyo old school, I'd rather get to know the person well, understand both our motives and commitments towards our friendship/relationship, tsaka ko masabi bf ko na sya.

Pero what I noticed pala these days, couple enter into a relationship as bf/gf for the purpose of getting to know each other. So puede magbf na kahit di pa lubos na kilala ang isa't isa.

The only problem with the situation na bf muna bago nyo nakilala nang husto ang isa't isa - is - if the girl wants him to be her one and only bf at maging asawa agad. She might get stuck with a not-so-ideal partner for her. For this kind of arrangement na bf afar, dapat open ka that this relationship may not work out then just move on to the next.

[fall2pieces]

^ Kilala ko na si guy since childhood. As a bf ngayon pa lang. Tama ka sis, may iba siguro na gusto kilalanin bilang bf-gf ang isa't isa to see kung magwowork ba sila. Pero syempre kasama na dyan yung risks of falling in love & the possibility of getting hurt if it doesn't work out. Pero you'll never know malay mo naman eh magwork.  Sa amin naman baligtad eh, sya yung gusto nya na akong maging asawa kaya minsan naiisip ko kung pag nakilala nya ako ng lubusan eh hindi ba magbabago yung isip nya  May mga ganung moments ako at insecurities if I could be a good wife to him.

[fall2pieces]

Mahirap ang LDR lalo kapag times na walang communication.   Kapag seaman yung guy walang signal madalas sa dagat, kaya mahirap.. Yung mga taong hindi clingy siguro yung kaya ang ganitong set-up. I admit medyo clingy din ako minsan kaya ngayon sinasanay ko yung sarili ko.

Yung feeling na, sinasabi nya masaya na sya to have me, kontento sya sa akin. For him, he's dong it for our future, busy sa work palagi, 12 hours duty without day-off.  Tapos, ako nag-aadjust sa ganoon, palagi ko syang namimiss kapag hindi ako busy kasi mas marami akong free time..  Iniiisip nya andyan lang ako for him while he's busy at work kaya challenge ito for us..

[simang]

^lagi akong napapaisip kung paano ang setup pag marino ang partner, kasi diba syempre permanent work nya yan, so that means permanent na setup yung halos lagi syang nasa dagat. sobrang hirap siguro talaga.

-----

Tingin ko, okay lang ang LDR kung temporary lang. i think kelangan may end goal kayo when to close the distance. Kasi no matter how much you communicate pero di kayo madalas magkasama physically, meron at merong subtle awkwardness yan pag magkasama kayo. iba pa rin ang bond pag magkasama kayo physically. Kaya diba kadalasan we'd say na nasurvive nyo ang LDR kapag finally nasa iisang lugar na kayo. Kasi i think dapat yun ang goal nyo.

[Shadow Angel]

^ako rin kaya ko LDR if certain period of time lang hindi for alifetime or super tagal lalo na kasal. Kaya mas pinili ko maging partner ang hindi palagi nagtra travel dahil sa business. May uncle ako na tagal sa Saudi now retire na. Now lang sila magkasama mag asawa kaso un palagi naman sila nagkakasakit parang hindi na na enjoy na magkasama sila. Maliit pa mga cousins ko nasa saudi na sya nagstop lang 30plus na un bunso.

[kvandenhaak]

That's right, LDR should always be temporary. Otherwise, what is the point of being in a relationship? Out of sight, out of mind. It will eventually die a natural death.

[kaythrielle]

LDR can work. Of course it depends on the couple, how much they really want to make their relationship work despite the distance. Pero sana, and dapat, huwag matagal. Kasi kahit papano kelangan pa rin talaga ng physical connection ng couple.

[fall2pieces]

Yun na nga eh, ang hirap din talaga kapag walang physical connection. Iniisip ko na lang hindi naman forever ay magiging seaman sya. Siguro maghahanap kami ng ibang options kapag nakaipon na.

[fall2pieces]

^ Yun na nga din iniisip ko sis na hindi naman forever na ganito.  Ako naman work ako dito sa Pinas then sya once a year lang nauwi. Ngayon pag uwi nya first time namin magkasama na magbf-gf. Hirap minsan malungkot kasi hindi na nga kayo magkasama tapos hindi na din makapagusap halos. Naiisip ko pano kung mag-asawa na kami, kaya ko kaya? Lol.

Minsan kasi naiisip ko yung ibang couples na magkasama araw-araw nakakainggit. Pero hindi naman din lahat ng couples na magkasama ay tumatagal at nagwowork eh. Depende din talaga.

[fall2pieces]

Ewan ko ba mga sis, ang hirap.. Hindi na nga magkasama tapos wala pang communication lagi. Parang hindi ko alam kung kaya ko. Hindi ko din alam kung pano nya nakakaya yun na hindi kami magkausap ng  ilang araw. Palagi nya ko inaassure na mahal nya ako pero ang hirap at ang lungkot minsan naiiyak na lang ako.

[books_mags]

it can work if both parties are mature enough. 
In my case it didn't work because the ex was immature.  he left the country first for work and i left a couple of months after for another country for work din.  idea before was he will move to where i am because our time zones were complete opposites.  kulang ang effort sa part niya to adjust kasi he wants to call and talk at 12 midnight my time (luchtime for him) when  i am really sleepy.  ayaw niya ng umaga kasi late siya magigising at magbr breakfast pa at ayaw din niya ng medyo maaga ng gabi nila (which is 8am my time) because he has plans to go out with friends and officemates lagi.  he will call when i am at work din and get mad when  i am busy with work.  when he got back to manila, the idea was he will follow me to where i am pero naga attitude naman na ayaw niyang mas mababa sweldo sa akin and gusto mag demand ng twice my salary. 
eventually, he found another girl and we only broke up nung nahuli ko na pics online.  todo deny pa siya kasi malicious lang daw ako mag-isip.  he got what he wanted - a girl na sunod sunuran niya sa oras and always available.  maski 1 am nakakaladkad niya. 

[fall2pieces]

Ganun sis  bakit nagagalit sya kapag busy ka sa work. Tapos  ikaw magaadjust dahil lang lalabas sya with officemates? Ako naman since seaman sya fixed lang yung hours nya tapos 15 hours difference namin so mahirap din, pero ang  maganda dun kapag tulog sya nasa work naman ako so okay lang, kapag busy ako eh tulog sya. Ako naman willing ako mageffort din like kapag tatawag sya ng umaga gigising din ako. Kasi yun lang talaga yung time na available sya. Nag-aadjust din ako kasi sya naman nagaadjust din.

Hindi sya nagagalit kapag busy ako sa work at di ko sya mareplyan or kapag di ko masagot call nya, okay lang sa kanya. Alam nya kapag marami akong ginagawa di na sya mangungulit sya pa nga nagsasabi na baka mapagalitan ako ng boss ko. He understands that we're both busy with work. Kasi naman sobrang busy din nya, walang time para magtampo about sa oras. Ako pa nga yung nagtatampo palagi kapag hindi sya nagrereply sa messages ko since ako yung mas maraming free time knowing the nature of his work. Minsan kasi wala talagang communication minsan days din. Kaya yun siguro dapat ako magajust at sanayin ko sarili ko. Advantage din siguro sa seaman hindi sya nakakalabas with friends lol.

Never syang nagalit sa akin simula ng naging kami na, yun din siguro yung nagustuhan ko kasi sobrang understanding nya unlike me.. Ako kasi mas pasaway sa aming dalawa. Ako ang mas immature, matampuhin lahat na.  To think na mas matanda ako sa kanya pero sya yung mas matured mag-isip kesa sa akin. Lol.