I wanna move out :-( help. (living with SIL)

[pilyaz]

I posted a topic a while ago regarding my marriage. And this is one of MY problem that causing me heartache and nagiging problema samin nag-asawa but he doesn't know about this 100%.

Nakatira kami with my IN-LAWS. Pero ang tao lang sa house is yung sisters nya, maids, and kami. His parents were in the province. Pero dumadalaw ang parents quite often. Pero they are
Not my concern. It's my SIL. Okay kami ng mga siters niya, as in were like friends, nagsasabihan kami ng problems. Even sa problem namin ni bf now my husband sinasabi ko, ba narealize ko wag na ako masyado madaldal. Panget nga naman at hindi na dapat eh alam nila nangyayari sa amin. My bad. Hehe! Ito ang problem ko, I don't know if anong pwede kong itawag sa nararamdaman ko, insecurity? Jealousy? Or right as a wife? Since nakikitira lang kami and yung sister nya ang eldest, she's the boss sa house. I understand that. Pero hindi yun ang main problem ko, hehe! It's my husband, at sya. Una, naiinis at naiirita ako kapag halos lahat ng lakad namin ni husband, e kung hindi sasama sya, itatanong kung saan. Ayoko
Naman na halos lahat ng lakad namin, kain sa labas, nood movie, punta sa mall, sa ganito. Eh sumasama sya. O kaya, kapag may lakad sya o may gagawin, magpapasama sya kay hubby o sa akin. Ako nanan kasi, since bago palang kami
Ni husband, gusto ko muna ma-build yung foundation namin, gusto ko muna na as kami lang, magkaroon kami ng strong foundation as husband and wife and as our own family with our child. Kaya naiinis ako kapag gusto lagi syang kasama o nagpapasama. Madalas pa nasa room namin. Wala kami masyado privacy. Tapos syempre as the eldest, sa pagmamaneobra ng house, sya ang may say. I understand naman that talaga. Although nagagawa ko naman ibang gusto ko. Not all. Hindi ko magawa yung totally pagiging asawa sa husband ko kasi most ng para dito sa house, at ibang personal (ito talaga prob ko) sa husband minsan nakadepend sa SIL ko.  Ito ang prob ko kay husband, naiinis ako na bukambibig nya yung sis nya. Pati ba naman pag-uwi nila eh minsan kailangan paba nila magtanungan? Hindi ba sapat na bilang asawa ako lang may right o sabihan kung anong oras uuwi ang asawa ko? Since nasa iisang bahay nga kami, di maiwasan yun. Pero dapat alam
Na ni SIL na mag-asawa na kami at medyo dumistansya. Si hubby, madalas pag-uwi o bago pasoksa work nakatambay sa sala with his sis or pupunta sa room ng sis. Hindi naman most of the time pero almost. Nakakainis pa kasi yung ayaw ni sis, ayaw din nya, sabay kasi sila lumaki. Si hubby may part na nakadepende sya kay sis nya, meron kabang ganito, anong ganito, yayayain sa ganito, pag uusapan nila yung ganito etc etc. kaya sa part ko, naiinis ako na pakiramdam ko, hindi ako lang yung taing dinedependihan ni hubby. Yun ang isa sa sinasabi ko kay hubby na sama ng loob ko, although hindi ko sinasabi ng buo o lahat, sinasabi ko na feeling ko hindi ako ang priority nya, tapos pag ibang tao ang nagsabi go sya, pag ako ang daming ek-ek, tapos hindi kami makapag bonding ng kami lang, kung hindu sasama si sis, aayain nya. Hay! Kaya isa sa pinag awayan namin na hindi nya maunawaan, sabi ko kasi sana naman mg build muna kamu ng foundation ng kami lang.
I was thinking of moving out. Mas gusto ko sa family ko kasi ako ang may say dun at bukod dun di naman sila nakekealam, close din kami ng family ko pero alam
Nila ang limits nila, hindi parang linta. Pero alam ko naman na hindi okay kay hubby naman sa part nya kaya mas okay kung sarili namin. Kaso financially were not yet stable. We had savings pero super konti lang yun, may baby pa kami binubuhay. Ayoko naman nag rent kasi nanghihinayang ako sa rent, mas gusto ko rent to own para di masayang yung ibabayad buwan buwan. At least mapapa sa amin, kaso most of the condo pre-selling tapos pag gawa na masyado ng mahal tapos, basta mahal. Ano ang gagawin ko? Ano ba dapat? Tama ba yung nararamdaman ko kay SIL o ako ang may problema? Isa to sa nakakpagpasira ng relasyon namin kasi everytime (everyday) na nakikita ko si SIL at nafifeel ko na ganon nga, nasasaktan ako, so may poot sa dibdib ko, kaya sumasabog ako na cause ng lagi ako galit at irita kay hubby, nag-aaway kami. Help. :-(

[Yaya]

magrent na lang kayo sa maliit na apartment. then move out. wag mo paghinayangan yung money sa rent. ang paghinayangan mo ay yung relationship nyo ni SIL at ng husband mo. mas mabuti kung nakabukod.

[mayje6]

Sis, parehong pareho tayo ng nararamdaman sa SIL. Ganyan din ang problema ko, selos, insecurity at inis na rin. They are super close din at parang may way sila na makuha ang attention ni hubby. Right now, hubby and I are still fighting dahil diyan. Ang kaibahan lang hindi ko sila kasama sa house. Nagpapasalamat na lang din ako na di ko sila kasama. Minsan lang pag nagbabakasyon sila dito sa province nila, dito sila nagsi- stay sa bahay. Nag post din ako sa ibang thread kasi wala akong makausap tungkol dito at na confuse din ako kung tama ba yung nararamdaman ko. Siguro sis tama din in a way, kasi di naman siguro natin mapi-feel ang isang bagay kung walang enough reason di ba? Nakakainis talaga yung kinukuha sayo pati mga gawain na dapat wife ang gumagawa.

Ewan ko din sis. Pero mas maganda siguro kausapin mo uli husband mo at sabihin mo yung ayaw mo na ginagawa ng hipag mo at yun nga na mas maganda kung nakabukod kayo for more privacy and bonding time.

[abbina]

Move out, sis. Iba kasi yung nakabukod and namumuhay kayo nang kayo lang.  Mahirap din kasi yung everyday naiinis ka, kaya better kahit medyo magastos eh lumipat na kaso sa apartment.

[aquacharly]

Please grow up, and be less self-centered/selfish.

There is a time for everything.  Perhaps you are not yet financially ready to be on your own, yet.  So, count your blessings & makibagay ka. 

IMO, imbes na isip ka ng isip about what  you want and do not have --  mag isip ka na lang ng pagkikitahan mo para makatulong ka sa hubby mo. Para mapabils ang pagbuy nyo ng own house.

[k_heart]

yes,moving out of the house isthe best way. Pero pasalamat din kayo at ang bukambibig ay ang mga sisters nila at hindi ibang babae. It's good na close silang magkakapatid. Mas gusto nyo bang magkaka-away sila para maging feeling superior kayo?
Yes, malaki mga sis ang insecurity nyo at may kulang pa sa ginagawa nyo kung hindi nyo makuha ng buo ang attention ng hubby nyo!
tanong lang mga sis,may work ba kayo? Baka you have so many free time on your hands kaya din ganyan.
Siguro hindi din kayo forceful enough as wife. look into yourselves also mga sis!

[kiz_me1109]

If hindi mo na talaga kaya e better move out. Kesa naman masira yung marriage niyo ni hubby mo dahil lang dun.

[quinone]

old habits die hard. siguro si hubby nung binata e ganyan ang tratuhan nila ng sis niya, tapos diyan pa kayo tumira. mukhang walang asawa/bf yang SIL. parang subconsciously, substitute si hubby mo. ang weird lang na lagi nasa kwarto ninyo at sumasama sa mga lakad ninyo!

as everybody else said, move out na lang kayo. huwag ka muna bumili ng dreamhouse ninyo. buy/rent something na easy to maintain, functional, practical. kasi kapag may repairs, baka maging dagdag pa sa issues. yung kapag bibili na kayo ng dreamhouse e easy to resell/ipa-upa. huwag kayo bumili ng house na too near sa bahay nila.

huwag mo na masyado isipin yung monthly na ibabayad mo kasi di ka naman talaga nakakatipid kung wrinkles ang kapalit sa kabuysitan everyday.

[nageinna]

i somehow understand how you feel, me and hubby are currently staying with my inlaws, so lahat din ng galaw and decisions namin dumadaan sakanila. and like you, i feel restrained. nahirapan ako mag adjust at first kasi hindi ako makapag decide para samin ni hubby ng hindi dumadaan sakanila. but i try to look at the bright side, even though laging dapat dumaan sa inlaws ko bawat gawin namin ni hubby, they never stopped us naman from doing anything we like/want as long as wala namang mali sa ginagawa namin. kahit frustrating at times kasi monitored bawat galaw, i learned to accept it and live with it, parang pag bigay respeto nalang sakanila since bahay parin naman nila yung tinitirhan namin.

yung sa privacy, i totally understand that. building kami nakatira, one whole floor samin ni hubby, then upper floors yung siblings, cousins, parents ni hubby. pero kahit na we have our own floor, si MIL halos dun na nakatira samin. kulang nalang i occupy na niya yung isa pang room sa floor namin. every night at least 4x kung bumalik sa kwarto namin! wala namang sinasabing importante kundi pumuna lang ng mga gamit namin. i got so fed up! as in! sa office namin lagi ko na siya nakakasama at nakikita, pati ba naman sa pag uwi ko sa bahay at sa kwarto namin siya parin nakikita ko. and worse, may sarili pa siyang susi sa room namin! and most of the time siya na nag oopen ng room namin basta basta. eto naging biggest issue samin ni hubby. i told him how i felt. iniyakan ko pa to kasi hindi ko na talaga ma take. hanggang sa bigla nalang nabawasan room visit niya samin, once nalang per night. maybe hubby talked to her na. same with you sis, close sila ni SIL mo, let him be the one to talk to her. for sure maiintindihan naman ni SIL mo yan basta masabi lang ng maayos ni hubby.

ok rin yung kumuha kayo ng own place niyo. yan din pinag iipunan namin ni hubby now. since eldest si hubby, i know inlaws would be willing to give us our own place, pero gusto namin ni hubby pera namin talaga. it would be an accomplishment for both of us. maybe you can start renting, or look for a rent to own place. monthly parin bayaran, but at least sa inyo na yung bahay after niyo macomplete yung terms niyo.

and yung pag sama sama ni SIL sa pag labas niyo ni hubby, siguro set a specific day every week kung kailang kayo pwede mag date na kayong dalawa lang. as i understand close naman kayo ni SIL, maybe you can make diskarte nalang like ask her saan pwede dalhin na place si hubby kasi it's been a long time narin since nakapag date kayong dalawa lang. or phrase it nalang in a way it wont sound offensive kay SIL. me personally enjoy kami ni hubby pag lumalabas kami with his siblings or with mine. but if you feel uncomfortable with it, there are ways naman you can talk to your SIL na maiintindihan niya.

[khayzee]

if kaya mag move out, go. yun naman talaga dapat pag may own family na. dapat nga hanggat maaga para d na masanay sil mo sa ganyang set up. pag tumagal, ikaw lang mahihirapan.

[Priceless]

Sis, I read your other thread and this one too.

When I read both of them, one thing came to mind: High maintenance.

Seems like you are hard to please. Everything is not about you all the time you know. Si hubby may sariling utak, sariling emotions, sariling diskarte, but from your description of the situation, it seems that you want everything to revolve around you, your needs, wants, attention etc.

I know that this is the last thing that you want to hear, but please stop being so needy. Talo mo pa ang bata na kailangang parati nalang iniintindi. As our other sisters here have said, grow up. And act like a grown up. Hindi yung konting kibot, tantrum kaagad - at tipong "look at me" "listen to me" "please me" "obey me" ang vocabulary mo. Kahit sino siguro mapupuno sa yo kung parating ganun.

Who knows, baka naman kaya ganun nalang ang dikit ng mga sisters nya sa kanya is because he has asked them for support or the sisters can sense your own mental and emotional instability that's why they want to stick close because they are protective of him. Perhaps you can show them that you have matured and can handle taking care of your husband/their brother rather than demanding that their brother take care of you and be sunod-sunuran sa tantrums mo, baka they will back off and let you be a wife. And at the same time, perhaps husband will learn to enjoy your company better than his sisters'.

At yung mga suggestions ng mga sisters dito to move out - yes, perhaps you need to do that so that you will be forced to deal with each other as husband and wife.

[showermist]

Natatawa ako.

She is his sister. You are his wife. You are two different people in his life.

She has the 'main' role in the house, and you don't.  I am sensing that that is an issue sa iyo. Its just proper courtesy na magpaalam sa kung sino ang kasama mo sa bahay. Hindi naman kasi hotel iyan na labas at pasok ka lang. At hindi naman kayo lang ang nakatira dyan sa bahay. Kailangan mong makisama. I just want to point that out.

Now kung kaya na ninyong magsarili, go ahead. Leave the house at para maging reyna ka na rin ng sarili mong kaharian, at magawa mo ang kung anuman ang gusto mong gawin.

May issue ka sa pagiging close ng magkapatid, tell your husband. Ano sa tingin mo ang sasabihin nya? try to compromise.

[sazzycrazygurl]

sis napansin ko lang ha. ikaw yung nag start ng thread na 2 months pa lang kayong kasal eh sa tingin mo ruined na? nako sis pati ba naman yung pagiging close ng magkapatid eh issue din sayo?? ikaw talaga un may problem sa inyo mag asawa.

[nessy]

ganyan rin ang feeling ko a week ago. ay no. i might say, ginusto ko rin na bumukod kami ni hubby kasi di ko na kaya ang makasama ang mga in-laws ko. marami silang issue na hindi naman dapat pinagaaksayahn ng panahon.

anyways, what i did was talked to hubby and said i wanna move out. since my work naman ako at siya, pumayag siya. kasi sabi ko kung magtatagal pa ang ganong sitwasyon, it will costs our relationship. so pumayag na rin siya.

regarding threadsetter's question, kung di mo na kaya, hindi naman pwedeng sabihin mo sa hubby mo na pabayaan ang sister niya, kasi after all, sister niya yan, kadugo niya yan.what you can do is, hindi kayo financially stable ngayon, that doesn't mean ganyan kayo forever. mag-work ka. or if you are taking care of your kid, maraming pwedeng work diyan. marami tayong mga sisses dito na WAHM. isip ng mga raket/pwedeng pagkanegosyohan. for sure from there, madadagdagan ang earnings niyo ni hubby.

pag naumpisahan mo na yan, tell hubby, take note TELL not ASK  ha. TELL him na gusto mo ng magbukod kayo for your family.hidni talaga kasi maganda ang nakapisan kayo sa in laws.maganda pa rin yung kayo lang talaga.

Hope this helps.

[break_free]

Sis, I read your other thread and this one too.

When I read both of them, one thing came to mind: High maintenance.

Seems like you are hard to please. Everything is not about you all the time you know. Si hubby may sariling utak, sariling emotions, sariling diskarte, but from your description of the situation, it seems that you want everything to revolve around you, your needs, wants, attention etc.

I know that this is the last thing that you want to hear, but please stop being so needy. Talo mo pa ang bata na kailangang parati nalang iniintindi. As our other sisters here have said, grow up. And act like a grown up. Hindi yung konting kibot, tantrum kaagad - at tipong "look at me" "listen to me" "please me" "obey me" ang vocabulary mo. Kahit sino siguro mapupuno sa yo kung parating ganun.

Who knows, baka naman kaya ganun nalang ang dikit ng mga sisters nya sa kanya is because he has asked them for support or the sisters can sense your own mental and emotional instability that's why they want to stick close because they are protective of him. Perhaps you can show them that you have matured and can handle taking care of your husband/their brother rather than demanding that their brother take care of you and be sunod-sunuran sa tantrums mo, baka they will back off and let you be a wife. And at the same time, perhaps husband will learn to enjoy your company better than his sisters'.

At yung mga suggestions ng mga sisters dito to move out - yes, perhaps you need to do that so that you will be forced to deal with each other as husband and wife.

Agree ako!

Sis medyo tignan mo din yung sarili mo sa salamin. Baka mamaya mag popost ka dito ng 'my husband cheated on me' dahil baka maubos pasensya sa iyo ni husband mo at baka makakita siya ng fascinating wife. wag na wag naman sana. be a loving supportive wife hindi yung dapat lahat ng attention sa iyo. Okay lang bumukod kayo, ang tanong kaya niyo na ba? Practical ba yun para lang ma-solo mo husband mo? Yung mga guys ayaw sa makukulit yan, nauubos din pasensya nila kaya siguro mas gusto ng husband mo ang company ni SIL.

If you want to move out, make it sure na kayang kaya ninyo talaga financially na gawin yun. Tumutulong ka ba sa expenses? Kasi if not, paranf ako mahihiya din ako kahit konti na mag demand na mag move out kung di ko kata tumulong sa expenses.

[khriseeee]

unfortunately you can't have the best of both worlds.

If you can't afford to move out, you need to suck it up and resolve whatever issue you have with your SIL.

If you do move out, realize that you'll have more to manage in the household, maybe more than you're willing to accept!

[yanmae]

Sis, parehas tayo ng nafifeel ang difference is sayo ay SIL at sa akin naman MIL. Tingin ko ganyan talaga nararamdaman naten kapag nakikitira lang tayo. Opinion ko lang sis, hinding hindi ka nya maiintindihan at para wala ng gulo at sama ng loob ayain mo nalang syang bumukod. That's the best way, kung di nyo pa kaya maghanap ka ng makakatulong sayo financially kapag nakabukod na kayo like online jobs.

[wahmproject]

Alam ko rin ang feeling na nagseselos kasi hindi mo magawa or ma-feel ang pagiging asawa mo. But on one hand, maayos naman ang treatment sa iyo ng in-laws mo so you're fortunate in this aspect. There was a time na hindi rin ako ang "reyna' sa bahay when MIL was living with us to help take care of my son (we have helper).  But I accepted this because first of all, ang bait ni MIL and pakiusap lang namin sa kanya na tumira sa amin.  She's just being the mother of my husband.

Since you live with SIL and close sila ni husband so expect that he will continue to talk to her, magsabi ng oras ng paguwi, etc.  The best solution is for you to move out.  But unfortunately, this is not practical kasi gagastos kayo and I think your family cant afford at this point. Next best thing is to talk to your husband and tell him that sometimes you and baby want to spend time with him alone without SIL. But to keep your good relationship with SIL/in-laws, continue lang ang pakikisama and bring SIL with you paminsan minsan pag lumalabas kayo (kasi nga nasa isang bubong lang kayo eh).

[MissOnline]

TS, dami ko natutunan sa 2 threads mo.. Medyo same kasi tayo..