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[j.adore]

Hi shadow_man, bilib din ako sayo. Cheating, for me, is a deal breaker. When trust is gone, it never really comes back 100%.

She's a single mom who hasn't learned her lesson by going about chatting people online for casual sex. She's a compulsive liar (I'm sorry but it's obvious not to buy into the check in, overnight, and being forced). The crying and begging is emotional blackmail and seems to work because you're still with her.

If she has changed, she would give you access to all of her accounts and stop any activities with her guy "friends", at least until she wins back your trust. Doesn't seem like there's much effort on her part so yes, definitely you're still doubtful.

The child is not reason to hold onto a relationship and please, do not ever get married until the issue is solved. You love her but, how much does she love you? Kasi if she does, bakit siya ganyan?

Maybe you should try a breather as well. See how she'll fight for you and her will to earn your trust back. Para kasing puro siya lang eh pano naman ikaw. Relationships are two-way and needs work. You've done your part, she has to do hers.

[koalaa]

My boyfriend said, he is madly in love with me and i can feel that. But i love his brother more than him. I don't know what to do.

[justin3]

shadow_man, talagang idol mo si St Martin ah, patron ng mga charitable institutions. di kaya charity work mo rin yan kaya tumagal ka in such a toxic relationship?

bro, mukhang good person ka naman based on your 20 posts, payong kapatid lang... habang maaga pa, ditch the b1tch ASAP! sorry for the term, but yon ang nararapat. sagad na sa buto ang panloloko ng bhuh4 eh. abusada pa. sobrang nababaitan ata sa yo eh.
future lawyer ka pa naman. di malayong papasok ka sa politics. nakows! baka pag tumakbo kang senador, biglang lalabas ang mga sex videos nun.

what i said here sa ibang threads regarding cheating that, "pag mag BF-GF pa lang, sisante agad. but pag married na, give spouse another chance", applies to men also.
at yung kasabihan na "women cheat if there is something wrong with the relationship, men cheat if they have the opportunity"... totoo yan on her part. prangkahin kita, malamang sa intimate moments mo with her. most likely, hindi nya nakukuha sa yo yon kaya naghanap pa ng iba. at yung i-text ka pa ng kachurvahan nya?! puch4! nakaka-lalaki yon ah.   siguradong kinikwento nya pa yung ginagawa nyo in detail, at ang ogagz naman, feeling nya sya lang ang makakapuno ng pagkukulang mo, nang-asar pa ang lok0.  unwritten rule yan ng mga lalaking 3rd party/kabit eh. kung gusto mong tuloy ang ligaya at tumagal ka pa sa mundo, itago mo sa bf/hubby. kaya bihirang mahuli ang mga lalaking kalaguyo. kung mero man, nasa tabloids kinabukasan, dedo na. 
if i were in your shoes, hindi na aabutin ng 2014 ang h1nayupak na yan. 

keep your relationship with the kid, wag lang sa ina. wag mo nang asahang magbago yan bukas. titino lang yang siguro pag nasa 40s na, pag wala nang papatol siguro at magkaroon ng kahihiyan sa binatilyong anak nya.
well, if sex is that good, go ahead!  wag na wag mo lang alukin ng kasal at huwag mo ring buntisin para wala syang panghahawakan sa yo. sayang lang pag nagkataon, mukhang magandang future pa naman ang tinatahak mo.
magbasa ka pa ng mga threads dito, ang daming "good" women of substance dito. may thread rin dito about single moms. compare mo ugali/attitude nya sa mga sissies dito.

[sugardrop]

My boyfriend said, he is madly in love with me and i can feel that. But i love his brother more than him. I don't know what to do.

Then be honest with him. Don't be unfair to him and to yourself.

[brave.soul]

I just found out now that my boyfriend viewed porn images online after we had a petty fight this morning. Its not normal for me. Am I just naive? What should I do?

[sugardrop]

^
Men do that, whether or not you had a fight.

[junetwentythree]

Clap clap clap justin3! Always enjoy your candid, helpful but never pretentious and ALWAYS hilarious advices. Bro shadowman, please heed his great advice (as well as the others') for your own good.

[Janelc]

Bro shadow_man ginagamit ka lang nya para magkaroon  ama ang anak niya then she gets to screw around. Kung ibang lalake yan first offense pa lang iniwan na si GF alam mo na double standard ang mga tao. Kung ako sa iyo give yourself a break concentrate ka muna sa pag kuha mo ng bar exams. Tama ka nakakabobo ang magmahal been there too  may chance ka pa to walk away.

[budzwhiz]

Hi shadow_man, naasar naman ako sa kwento mo. Eto lang masasabi ko, and sorry ha, pero you're too soft on her. Don't be naive! She did it once. She did it twice. And maybe thrice? What makes you think magbabago pa sya? The only things she's changed are her passwords. Ano sa tingin mo kung bakit? Kung talagang nagbago na sya ano pang kailangan nyang itago? Nakikita mo ang pageeffort nyang magbago? O cmon. Baka naman gumagaling lang sa pagtatago. Tama lahat ng sinabi ng GTers here. And I don't think magbabago yang gf mo. Ngayon pang nakikita nya na whatever she does, konting iyak nya lang sayo mapapatawad mo agad sya? Na alam nyang di mo sya kayang tiisin? Try mo naman tigas-tigasan ng onti kuya. She's not going to change. Not for you. Not for her child. Face it and move on. You deserve better. Because your girlfriend's a slut. (Yung totoo.) Sorry harsh. Kelangan mo ng eye opener e. Mukang nabubulagan ka sa pagmamahal mo sa kanya. E sya ba? Mahal ka ba talaga nya? Baka naman ginagamit ka lang nyan na pangtustos sa pangangailangan ng anak nya. Or kasi kailangan na nya magsettle para sa future nila. (Na obviously di pa kaya ng katawan nya.) Thiiiiink man! Goodluck.

[argento]

shadowman;

you've planned to marry your gf na nakikipag casual sex sa iba? desperado.

[shadow_man]

Thank you guys for all the helpful advice and inputs,

For now, I haven't cut the relationship, but I've imposed more strict rules, and been trying not to heed the crying when we are into quarrel. Being a little harsh is hard to bear but I guess you are right people I need to be rigid at times. Now im observing the rule dura lex sed lex.

We had one serious fight recently and she told me we better split and I said ok so be it... later on the day she came begging asking if we could fix it.

I asked her to do some things as a make up, I have yet to see her accomplish it.

[misskim]

Boyfriend won't talk to me. Help me please...

This is so mababaw but well, it all started kasi napuno ako sakanya. Like 3 times na kasi, pag aalis kami palagi siyang late. Nasa mall na ako siya tulog pa. Naumay na rin ako sa kakasorry niya kasi kahit nagsosorry siya, ginagawa pa rin niya. Kinausap ko siya about it in a good tone, not mad at all. Sabi lang niya sorry hindi daw siya nagising hindi narinig ang alarm.

Nung araw na napuno ako sakanya ganun din, nasa mall pa ako siya tulog pa rin. Then nagsorry siya susunod daw siya. Maya maya nagmessage siya sakin na hindi na daw siya makakasunod, hindi daw siya pinayagan umalis ng mama niya. For me, its totally fine. Ano ba naman magagawa ko diba? My point is, sana man lang gumising siya ng maaga para sabihan ako. Hindi yung nagmukha akong t**** kahihintay doon. Napaiyak ako sa mall kasi very dissappointed talaga ako. Nakakahiya.

He sent me 3 sorry via BBM. Hindi ako nagreply because I was too upset. Ayaw ko siyang awayin baka may masabi kasi akong foul words sakanya at baka magcause ng bigger away. Then both our BBMs expire na. Hindi man lang siya nageffort na itext ako. Kinabukasan, I texted him, "I'm not mad anymore. Apology accepted." Hindi man lang siya nagreply. The same night, nakita ko sa facebook may boy's night out sila.

I tried texting him. Online messages, calls. Hindi niya sinasagot. Hindi rin niya ata binabasa since walang "seen" na sign. I tried asking his friends and brother they don't have any idea daw kasi he looks fine naman daw.

Until now, wala parin. hindi parin niya ako kinakausap. Walang kahit ano. The last time he did this kasi nasa Australia siya, bigla na lang niya ako hindi kinausap then he broke up with me. Now I'm afraid na baka makipagbreak na naman siya sakin. Like hello, wala naman akong ginagawang masama.

Right now I'm giving him space. No text no calls no pms. I'm also afraid din kasi na baka mairita or makulitan siya sakin the break up with me again. My boyfriend is fine naman talaga. But in times like this talagang naiinis ako pag hindi ako kinakausap. I left hanging. I don't know what's happening.

I know this is so mababaw pero nakakapraning.
Any advice or help? Very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

[simang]

Give him space. If he decides to talk to you again and patch things up, eh di good. Otherwise, let him. A man who values you will never ever leave you hanging like that. Even if he's 'testing' your patience, he will eventually give in if he values you.

Questions though, how long have you been together? How old are you two?

One last, don't be afraid na makipag break sya sayo. Malay mo yung next boyfriend mo, hindi na malelate, hindi ka na paaantayin ng ganyan. Mas okay yun diba? :-)

[misskim]

Give him space. If he decides to talk to you again and patch things up, eh di good. Otherwise, let him. A man who values you will never ever leave you hanging like that. Even if he's 'testing' your patience, he will eventually give in if he values you.

Questions though, how long have you been together? How old are you two?

One last, don't be afraid na makipag break sya sayo. Malay mo yung next boyfriend mo, hindi na malelate, hindi ka na paaantayin ng ganyan. Mas okay yun diba? :-)

Right now, I'm giving him space. I didn't talk to him since Tuesday. It's been 6 days. I'm just waiting. It's feels like I'm waiting for nothing. Regarding your questions, we've been together for more than 2 years and we're both 22.

For me hindi mababaw ewan ko lang pero sa akin big issue un ano un iiwan ako sa ere na ni ha ni ho wala ano ako [textspeak!]-tauhan. Saka un lagi late he has no value sa effort at time mo.  Feeling ko ayaw nya ng comfrontation alam nya na siguro na alam mo na nalumabas sya kasama ng mga friends nya.

I feel the same way too. This is so sad I love him so much. Until now he doesn't talk to me. I'm not making any move though. Because I'm afraid na baka magtrigger ng break up. 

[j.adore]

misskim, I'd agree with our sissies. Don't be afraid if he breaks up with you (or better yet, break up with him).

I don't think your boyfriend is fine. Nag-eeffort ka na nga to meet up sa mall tapos siya pa late and worse, di na nakarating. 3 times done, it's disrespect, plain and simple.

He doesn't value you enough to make an effort and with such a lame excuse. Unless nagtatrabaho siya na onti lang tulog niya tapos may lakad kayo?
Siya yung may kasalanan pero ikaw ang naghahabol sa messages. Wow

Do you really think your love is worth the way he treats you?

[simang]

^true :-)

Lagi kong sinasabi to kase i think it's very appropriate especially for people who settle with less than they deserve:

Stop asking yourself if he really loves you. Instead, try something different. Instead of asking how true his love for you is, just ask yourself if the love he’s shown you thus far is the kind of love you want for the rest of your life. If it isn’t, then stop trying to explain to him or to anyone else why he just won’t do, and instead just leave him.

[misskim]

misskim, I'd agree with our sissies. Don't be afraid if he breaks up with you (or better yet, break up with him).

I don't think your boyfriend is fine. Nag-eeffort ka na nga to meet up sa mall tapos siya pa late and worse, di na nakarating. 3 times done, it's disrespect, plain and simple.

He doesn't value you enough to make an effort and with such a lame excuse. Unless nagtatrabaho siya na onti lang tulog niya tapos may lakad kayo?
Siya yung may kasalanan pero ikaw ang naghahabol sa messages. Wow

Do you really think your love is worth the way he treats you?

Huhuhu sounds crazy but I really love him. He's fine naman pag magkasama kami. Ang issue ko lang sakanya is being responsible. Very acceptable for me yung reasin niya na hindi siya pinayagan ng mom niya, but sana gumising ng maaga to tell me. And I really don't understand kung bakit siya pa tong hindi na ako kinakausap. 

^true :-)

Lagi kong sinasabi to kase i think it's very appropriate especially for people who settle with less than they deserve:

Stop asking yourself if he really loves you. Instead, try something different. Instead of asking how true his love for you is, just ask yourself if the love he’s shown you thus far is the kind of love you want for the rest of your life. If it isn’t, then stop trying to explain to him or to anyone else why he just won’t do, and instead just leave him.

Pag ok naman kami sis, he's really fine. He's sweet. I feel the love talaga. I just don't understand why all of a sudden, bakit ganito na?  Ayoko lang talaga yung ayaw makipag communicate. Pag may problema, gusto ko pinaguusapan para naaayos.


Well, it's been a week. Meaning ba break na kami? I don't want to confirm from him kasi for sure masasaktan lang ako ng sobra sobra. I don't want to go back sa days na iyak lang ako ng iyak the whole day.

[sugardrop]

^
Are you willing to live like that na mawawala sya ng walang sabi sabi and then iiyak ka na lang ng iiyak? Live with the fear or uncertainty na break na kayo na walang communication? Or yung may isang lalakeng magpaparamdam sayo na mahal ka nya and mag-effort just for you and won't leave you hanging?

Oo nga, mahal mo but is it mentally and emotionally healthy for you? Do you think that is good for your well-being? Sabi mo nakakapraning. Masaya bang ma-praning?

Everything's entirely up to you.

[simang]

@misskim

here's what i would suggest: take a pen and paper and write down how your relationship IS right now. you have to focus on what it really is, not what you want the relationship to be, or what it was then. idescribe mo sa sarili mo kung anong status meron kayo at present and read that out loud to yourself. how do you feel? and then decide from there. if you feel na enough na yang relationship nyo to be sustained, eh di good. stay. understand more. pagbigyan mo sya. if you feel otherwise, then I think you know what to do.

i'm not saying break up with him. but apparently sa one week na hindi ka nya kinakausap, he's probably living the single life. as of the past week, you don't exist in his world. try to do the same. try to live your life not stressing about how he is, or what he's doing, or if he's mad at you, or he wants to break up. you'll eventually realize na hindi ka naman pala ganun kalungkot. and that there is more to life than being with someone who makes you feel less of yourself.

[misskim]

^
Are you willing to live like that na mawawala sya ng walang sabi sabi and then iiyak ka na lang ng iiyak? Live with the fear or uncertainty na break na kayo na walang communication? Or yung may isang lalakeng magpaparamdam sayo na mahal ka nya and mag-effort just for you and won't leave you hanging?

Oo nga, mahal mo but is it mentally and emotionally healthy for you? Do you think that is good for your well-being? Sabi mo nakakapraning. Masaya bang ma-praning?

Everything's entirely up to you.

You're right. Pero sobrang hirap talaga. Sometime I feel like ok na ko. Minsan naman hindi, iyak lang ako ng iyak. Sobrang hirap gumising sa umaga. 

@misskim

here's what i would suggest: take a pen and paper and write down how your relationship IS right now. you have to focus on what it really is, not what you want the relationship to be, or what it was then. idescribe mo sa sarili mo kung anong status meron kayo at present and read that out loud to yourself. how do you feel? and then decide from there. if you feel na enough na yang relationship nyo to be sustained, eh di good. stay. understand more. pagbigyan mo sya. if you feel otherwise, then I think you know what to do.

i'm not saying break up with him. but apparently sa one week na hindi ka nya kinakausap, he's probably living the single life. as of the past week, you don't exist in his world. try to do the same. try to live your life not stressing about how he is, or what he's doing, or if he's mad at you, or he wants to break up. you'll eventually realize na hindi ka naman pala ganun kalungkot. and that there is more to life than being with someone who makes you feel less of yourself.

So sad. Maybe nasa denial stage pa ako.