To Forgive and Forget...

[sleeping_beauty]

so sis, kamusta na kayo ngayon? if you dont mind me asking ha...

kasi sa start in post mo, you'd probably give him a chance pero towards the end parang di mo sya bibigyan ng chance.

and even if you did give him a chance... do they really change? kasi sabi din ng ibang sis dito, they say their "sorry" then go back to that bad habit of cheating.

[iampennylane]

^depende siguro sis sa tao yun. Mine naman never na naman naulit. 3 years na rin after the cheating happened

[sleeping_beauty]

kasi sis, ako BF pa lang dati, he cheated on me 2x na. so when i suspected he'd cheat on me the 3rd time, i broke with him na.

now i'm married. pero ang hirap! i always tell myself, i'd never let anyone cheat on me again, ever!
pero feeling ko it's happening again. masyado siguro akong mabait. always forgiving...

[agatha19]

hi mga sis. well, the cheating happened way back 2010. i gave it another chance. i cant say na i have forgiven him, lalong lalo na to forget, i can never forget what he did! hindi naman na naulit, thank God. pero it still eats me alive, lahat pinagdududahan ko. i dont know if hindi lang ako nagiimbestiga ng sobra kaya wala ako nahuhuli, or wala talaga syang ginagawa this time.

[glamorosa_09]

What are your fears sis?

takot kang lokohin ka nya ulit dahil masasaktan ang puso, dignity and pride mo?
takot kang baka mabuwag family nyo dahil sa paulit ulit na kalokohan ng asawa mo?

You know FEAR, False Expectations Appearing Real.

Hayaan mo na lang sigurong mangyari kung ano dapat ang mangyari. The future has its own worries. Sa ngayon be the best wife that you can be, pray for your healing and marriage and control the urge of reminding him of what he did in the past, if ever may ganyan ka.

Kung magloko sya ulit despite your best efforts, dun ka na magdecide kung carry mo ulit. Sabi nga, worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair, it gets you nowhere. Kung ako sayo, ipagpapa sa Diyos ko na lang tuwing na-babother ako. Your husband's activities are not under your control, so lift it up.

[Alucard]

I did Forgive but of course its hard to forget. pero syempre hindi mo naman e-let go dahil mahirap. mahal mo e..

[maiandra]

Sis ako din 2010 nangyari pero tama si sis glamorosa. Since he asked forgiveness and swore to me he won't repeat, I have to give him that chance. Now I just let tomorrow worry about itself. Sometimes our paranoia could also create an atmosphere of distrust e.

[jenybasti]

yan din ang problema ko ngayon.kung tama ba na everytime mag sorry sya eh iforgive ko sya? kasi ilang beses na yung nag sorry sya tapos ganun pa din naman ang ginagawa nya bakit di ko sya matiis?

[agatha19]

yun nga siguro mga dapat nating matutunan. when to say it really is over. HAY. mga martyr nalang ba tayo forever? ako naman, he hasnt cheated eversince nahuli ko sya 2 years ago.

[iamOD]

pwede ba na patawarin ang husband pero dahil lang sa kids niyo pero nawala na love sa partner and yourjust staying together para sa kids pero deep inside ayaw mo na sa husband mo because of what he did to you?

[graceria07]

after almost  years of living together and having oue first child
I have discovered that hes married.
tho., they have been separated 2 years before we met.
SHould i still give him a chance?

[zheane0127]

hi mga sis.its been a long time since i visited FN.  I do have my own topic here regarding my husband infidelity. the topic is HELP ME PLEASE!

I just want to share mine.  I do forgive my husband but yet i cant forget what he did.  Ngayon nakabalik na naman siya sa barko.  But before siya sumakay ulit, he promised me that it won't happened again. 

But before anything, while we are in a stage that our marriage is in a crucial stage.  What i did is i looked for a job.  Para yung isip ko nasa work lang.  Nag oovertime ako lagi. Pinapagod ko lagi yung sarili ko sa work para pag uwi ko pagod na ako at tulog na.  Ipinakita ko sa kanya na kaya ko ng mabuhay na wala siya at kaya ko ng buhayin ang anak namin kasi my work na ako.  Masaya ako sa work ko, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito.  Kasi noon lahat ang attention ko sa kanya lang.  Head over heels talaga ako sa kanya noon. 

Dumating na din sa point na nakikipaghiwalay na ako sa kanya dahil nalaman ko na wala daw siyang gagawin para maibalik ko ang trust sa kanya.  As in ayaw ko na siya kausapin pa.  Nagtago ako sa likod ng bahay ng almost 2 hours.  Doon na ata siya natauhan.  Hindi siya tumigil sa kakahanap sa akin.  Text ng text usap daw kami.  Na mali daw ang nabasa ko.  Inexplain niya sa akin lahat lahat.  Sabi niya gagawin daw niya ang lahat maibalik kolang ang tiwala ko sa kanya.  What he did naman talaga.  Lahat ng ayaw niyang gawin sa akin nun nagagawa na niya ngayon. Pagbubuhat ng bag ko, pagsundo sa office.  Lahat ng ayaw ko hindi na din niya ginagawa.  Pero pag my nakikita akong hindi ko gusto agad agad inaaway ko siya.  Sabi niya paano maayos ang relasyon namin kung lagi ko binabalitk ang mga pagkakamali niya. He said sorry na daw and sana mag move na.  Wala daw mangyayari kung uulit uulitin ko lang lagi yung ginawa niyang kasalanan.

So what i did, i bought a prayer book.  Every night i read it.  Every night i asked God to help me forgive my husband.  Hanggang sa unti unti pag nag aaway kami hindi ko na inuulit yung mga nangyari.  Pag mainit ang ulo ko iwas na siya.  At pag mainit ang ulo niya iwas na ako. 

Before siya sumakay ulit, sabi ko pag naulit ulit yung ginawa niya pasensyahan na lang kami.  Hindi ako nag asawa para lang paulit ulit na saktan.  He did promised naman.  Malayo pa ang uwi niya pero may plano na agad siya kung saan kami mamasyal unlike befoe na wala talaga.  Let's see na lang what  will happened, kasi 9 months ang contract niya eh wala pa siyang 1 month sa barko.  I entrust everything to God.  I always pray na ilayo sa tukso ang asawa ko at hwag niyang pahintulutan na my sumira ulit nito.

**As for his ex-kabit, my iba na naman siyang biktima.  Seaman ulit.  My bf din siya dito sa manila and that kabitch is working at TV5.

(I don't want to be plastic, pero i still hate that kabitch.  Hindi ko alam paano siya nakakatulog sa gabi.  Siya na lang ang hindi ko kayang patawarin. At yan din ang isa kopang pinagdadasal kay God ang matutunan na patawararin siya.)

Sorry napahaba..

[wifeynikawin]

parang ayaw ko na pero siguro di ko pa talaga malalaman unless ma experience ko. iisipin ko rin kasi na me anak kami kaya mahirap sirain at mag end ang lahat.

[aquacharly]

so sis, kamusta na kayo ngayon? if you dont mind me asking ha...

kasi sa start in post mo, you'd probably give him a chance pero towards the end parang di mo sya bibigyan ng chance.

and even if you did give him a chance... do they really change? kasi sabi din ng ibang sis dito, they say their "sorry" then go back to that bad habit of cheating.

IMO, philanderers change only when they themselves decide to do so.
No appeal/threats/bribery/nagging/guilt trips/pagmamakaawa will make him change -- kahit his whole family, even the dead ones, & the whole barangay ask  him to change.
So, yes, cheaters CAN change -- but do not hold your breath waiting for the change.

Did I forgive him? Yes, he went into TRUE REMORSE & REFORM.
He asked: Did you not notice I have changed? (Hindi na emo & verbal abuser; very attentive to my preferences.)
He said he never neglected us, he never deprived us, he always gave me what I wanted, he always let me control business and family funds & properties.  He always loved me, ako Lang (that was hard to believe, lols).
Now, he realizes mga pagkakamali Nya, & just asks for ONE Chance to prove he can be a good husband, a better person... He swears on his mom's head. 

It took me a couple of months.
It helped to ACCEPT we were never going to be the same people again, the good & the bad.
      I did not do it for the kids.   
Coz, without him, I will find the means to give myself and the kids a beautiful life.
      I did not do it for him. 
He is his own person. I cannot make him what he does not himself make himself to  be. 
       I did not do it for our marriage vows.
I don't believe in death do us part. IMO, Marriage is a Contract/Deal & not a Life Sentence to be served.

I forgave after much soul searching as to WHAT I WANT out of life.
I forgave after analyzing that 2 imperfect people like us could  still give each other The Best Life. 
In short, a New Relationship that was an acceptable risk with a good  probability of long-term viability.
          What is an Acceptable Risk?
It's made up of realistic expectations.  Like:  Love  cannot be forced.
           What is Viability? Connection, kindness, mutual respect, honesty, shared efforts for shared goals. 
And dependence on a Promise that we both deserve to be happy -- when 1 wants to Exit -- just say so, & we will have immediate dissolution of our contract.  No more lies.

Mind you, I did not reach 100% Forgiveness at 1 point in time.
No, Forgiving stretched over a period of time. I have not totally forgiven, but I do not nag.

Forgetting? Who ever forgets? But I do not replay the bad past as I do not watch over & over again a lousy movie.

Are we happy now? More than we had ever been.
The glue that holds it all is his CONTINUING TRUE REMORSE & REFORM.

Do I TRUST him?
Let us put it this way... If he betrays me again, I will not hang around to talk/ask nor hope.
Remember -- I have not totally forgiven, and I have never forgotten.
I was not a Loser then, I will not be the Loser IF there is another betrayal.
        He was not my 1st Love.
        But if he betrays me again, he will surely be my 1st Crime Victim & whoever, my 2nd Crime Victim.
        IMO, I will get away with it.
               Lintek lang walang ganti, per my darling Lola.

So, do I TRUST  him?
I do not bother anymore with trust issues. I once did and got myself almost to the point of jumping off Guada Bridge.  Tsk tsk tsk.  Stupid.
I prefer to just make myself happy each day.  I do not worry until the day to worry comes.  But when the day to worry comes, I will not worry; I will act & kick back hard. 

[ayka]

^well-said. you can choose between overanalyzing (with so many things going on at the back of your head) and living a miserable life OR living by the moment and staying happy/content. 

[sachagirl]

nakakatuwa ang discussion na ito. i have not been cheated naman pero tingin ko it will boil down to how you value yourself. you will be treated the way you think you should be treated. you only get what you think you deserve.

so, if you respect yourself enough dapat alam mo kun kelan ang hangganan ng pagpapasakit syo. dapat lang magpatawad pero dapat hindi tayo makalimut para next time alam na natin ang gagawin pagdumating ang ganun pagkakataon. twice is too much ika nga nila.

[CebuGem]

If hubby cheated on me, even once, I will not hesitate in leaving him. He broke the vow (he had sex! and even if it was just a one-night stand, he still broke his vow!!) and that for me, is enough reason not to go on with the relationship. I don't believe in staying together for the sake of child(ren). I will forgive because after all, he's still my child's father but it doesn't mean will be staying together and forget what happened.

[mspepot]

^ it is a totally different situation kung mag BF/GF pa lang and kapag mag asawa na. it gets even more complicated pag may kids involved. i went through counseling before, consulted lawyers about possible separation. i got pissed coz sinabi ba naman nila na guys are polygamist by nature.
 that's not an excuse at all! pero pag nangyari na nga ang nangyari, walang absolute advise or solution na pwedeng mangggaling sa ibang tao.

 you have follow what's in your heart and still use your logic. ikaw pa rin ang magde-decide in the end if the guy and realtionship is worth another chance.

Yan din sinabi ng guy friend ko pag di ko daw kayang tanggapin yan wag ako makipag relasyon.

[missgen]

in my case naman, 4 months ago lang since i discovered my husband cheated on me. yes mahirap and masakit talaga. and to think that we are married already. have one kid ang currently pregnant. though we are okay now so far, deep inside it's still hurts and still fresh. i cannot forgive until now. 

[bluez]

how will I know if nagsisi sya? eh he never admitted doing such thing naman. parang wala rin namang effort.

agree sis same tayo  parang wala lang talaga
i now confirmed na serial cheater sya
i hate him kawalang respeto 😞