To Forgive and Forget...

[agatha19]

Mga sis, if malaman nyo na your husband/boyfriend cheated on you, yes, there was sex involved... Would you still give him another chance? As they say, cheaters will always be cheaters.. Is that true?

For those who have experienced being cheated on, how did you take it and how are you right now?

[Filipinasadhart]

If you will ask me sis Big No. Kahit masakit at sobrang durog na durog na ang puso ko. Nasira na yun trust so wala ng chance. Para sa akin may period ang lahat. 

Unless, Kung papakita nya nagsisi na sya. Ipakita Nya ng maraming effort.

[agatha19]

hanggang ngayon nga sis, i still think na yan dapat ang ginawa ko. Giving him another chance, ako lang din ang nahirapan. Napakahirap ng lagi kang nagdududa plus lagi ka insecure, diba? Never suang umamin, but the girl has strong evidences kaya I know totoo yung mga nangyari sa kanila. We always fight dahil sobra kong makapagduda ngayon, eh kasalanan naman nya. In the end, ako parin mali for jot trusting him. HELLO?! Grabe talaga.

[agatha19]

how will I know if nagsisi sya? eh he never admitted doing such thing naman. parang wala rin namang effort.

[Ms.Cacao70%]

agatha19, wala ka palang nakikitang effort baket hindi ka pa umalis? you don't need to stay in that relationship if the guy is not worth it! Go with your instincts. It's super hard to be in that situation everyday, thinking he will cheat again, he will cheat again. You will go nuts! Tanggapin mo na sa sarili mo na wala na sya, hindi na babalik pa ang dati. masakit pero yan ang sa tingin kong message na gusto nyang iparating sa iyo.  move on and find someone better. goodluck!

[miloo]

My ex was a cheater and ang dami niyang girls. I was with him for a long time - I was hoping na baka magbabago din siya or magsasawa. But he never did, paulit-ulit lang that I find out na meron siyang ibang girls. I'm thankful hindi kami nagkatuluyan because for sure I'll always be hurt with him.

I think sis if he's really sorry about cheating and has no plans of doing it again - He will at least admit it and apologize. If he really cares about you, he will be honest and will feel bad about it.

[patchi2012]

9 yrs ago, nag patawad ako, kase nga sa tagal nga di naman namin, at yung babae daw ang culprit, if i have the chance na mabalikan yun time na yun, sana di ko na ginawa pa, nag sayang lang ako ng oras at panahon, sa 4 na taon walang nag bago, walang effort, plus sya ang culprit not the girl. yes tama lang na patawarin mo sya sa ginawa nya, para maka move on ka na din, at may peace of mind, coz it's not good na magkimkim ng sama ng loob, but doesn't mean na pinatawad mo sya, e magkabalikan kayo. lesson learned for me, once is enough and twice is too much, how i wish na maka pag decide ka. mahirap kase na mag stay sa relasyon na magulo, walang peace of mind.

[ayka]

when my first ex cheated on me, that's it! we were done. i just had to get it over with and was thankful we weren't married. it was easier to GET RID of him.
before, i used to think i can't tolerate a cheater. but now that i'm married, my views have changed. though i know my husband will never cheat on me, i think if ever he did, i can or will forgive him kahit mahirap. and definitely, i will fight for what's mine!

[sleeping_beauty]

^ it is a totally different situation kung mag BF/GF pa lang and kapag mag asawa na. it gets even more complicated pag may kids involved. i went through counseling before, consulted lawyers about possible separation. i got pissed coz sinabi ba naman nila na guys are polygamist by nature.
 that's not an excuse at all! pero pag nangyari na nga ang nangyari, walang absolute advise or solution na pwedeng mangggaling sa ibang tao.

 you have follow what's in your heart and still use your logic. ikaw pa rin ang magde-decide in the end if the guy and realtionship is worth another chance.

[maiandra]

For me I have forgiven, and though I won't forget, mahirap if you keep bringing up the topic. It should be clear with hubby that it should never happen again and that he is truly repentant.

Sino ba naman ako para hindi magpatawad. Ika nga ang taong walang kasalanan ay yung patay na.

[iampennylane]

^^true. Happened to me. We had 3 kids na when my I found out that my partner was cheating on me. Mahirap nga magdecide if merong kids involved. Yes there was sex involved, 5 months palang yung affair. Masakit, mahirap kasi wala akong clue na nagchicheat na sya. Kasi wala namang nagbago. So sabi nga ni Cristine Reyes sa NOW, "mababaliw na ako kakaisip kung baket?" Pero it just happened eh.

I forgave him, pero sinabi ko sa kanya I will never forget. Sabi ko maghiwalay na lang kami kasi knowing myself dadating at dadating yung time na isusumbat ko lahat sa kanya yun. Pero nakita ko naman yung effort on his side. Sobrang remorse. He even resigned sa work kasi officemate nya yun eh just to give me peace of mind. And ngayon naman nakikita ko na tama yung naging desisyon ko. When I ask him If may chance ba na maulit. Ang sagot nya never na syang kukuha ng bato na ipupukpok sa ulo nya. And di naman na ako nanunumbat

Ngayon sobrang peaceful na namin and tiwala naman ako na hindi na mauulit

[sleeping_beauty]

 
^ sis im very happy for you.
 mabuti naman kung ganun. i think yun ang importante eh, not just the "sorry" part but it's the guy's commitment to really change and not make the same mistake again.
 
kasi kahit pa lumuhod sa harap mo at lumuha ng dugo yung guy para lang mapatawad sya pero after some time uulitin din nya, bale wala yung "sorry"

it is easy for women to forgive. ako ganun eh. madali ako magpatawad. but it is not easy to forget.

[pinklilac]

sis TS, binigyan ko ng chance ang partner ko for 7 yrs. nag trust ulit ako completely as if walang nangyari at all.
walang duda o sumbat but then umulit. so ayun pinalaya ko na  kahit may anak kame..
"boys will always be boys"

[iampennylane]

^ibang case naman na talaga pag inulit pa. Yun yung sinabi ko sa kanya. Sabi ko kung uulit sya, wag nya ng hayaang mahuli ko ulit, umalis na lang sya ng bahay and tell me. Id be more than willing to let him go.

Mahirap talaga makalimot, it's been 3 years since the cheating happened pero sa totoo lang sa loob ng 3 years na yun, walang isang araw na di ko naaalala lahat ng nangyari. Sobrang hirap pero kelangang tanggapin ganun talaga. Atleast ngayon naging mas open kami sa isa't isa.

Listen to your heart and pray for God's guidance. He will always listen

[maiandra]

Sorry I don't mean to sound spiritual in this post, but I'd just like to stress one important truth in all marriages: every married couple’s love dies. And I mean each one would eventually.

So does that mean gigive up na tayo? no, we need strength not from ourselves but from God to love and forgive. Problems like infedility and boredom are inevitable. Pero kaya lampasan.

So sis, yes give him another chance, not to hurt you, but a chance to learn from both of your mistakes and to restore your marriage. In that way you do not need to wait for your husband to change, but change our own attitudes toward marriage.

You may try to visit encouraging sites like these which really opened my eyes about marriage:

http://womenlivingwell.org/2011/11/day-10-what-to-do-when-your-marriage-is-falling-apart/

http://unveiledwife.com/starting-new-wont-fix-the-issue-it-will-just-replace-it-link-up-party/

[glamorosa_09]

am i right to give him another chance!?

As for forgiving, sis it's never never wrong to give another chance. Like what sis maiandra said, sino ba tayo para hindi mageffort na magpatawad? Kung never in your life na hindi ka nangailangan ng forgiveness, kung never in your life hindi ka naging selfish at nagkamali, then sige wag ka magpatawad.

As for trusting, that's something you need to work hard on the moment you decided to accept him. Learn from other wives who surpassed this trial and pray pray pray. Kasi may mga nakagawa rin nun kahit matagal, so ibig sabihin magagawa mo rin.

As for forgetting, you cannot really forget it. Naka-archive na yan sa utak mo. Wag mong ipaulit ulit sa husband mo yung nagawa nya, tinutulak mo lang yan ulit gumawa ng kalokohan. Of course you have to change your ways and attitude din.

As for self-respect and self-love, ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ilang ulit mo yan tatanggapin kung sakaling magloko. But for other wives, once is enough, pag naulit ulit, hiwalay na.

Give your bestest shot before you give up on your marriage. So you'll live your life without any regret at what'ifs.

Kung nagbago na nga ba ang hubby mo, ikaw lang makakapagsabi nyan. If you want your marriage to work, meet halfway. Nag-eeffort sya to gain your trust, mag-effort ka rin to learn to give trust. Mahirap talaga noh, nobody said naman that marriages are free from tribulations.

[Filipinasadhart]

As for forgiving, sis it's never never wrong to give another chance. Like what sis maiandra said, sino ba tayo para hindi mageffort na magpatawad? Kung never in your life na hindi ka nangailangan ng forgiveness, kung never in your life hindi ka naging selfish at nagkamali, then sige wag ka magpatawad.

As for trusting, that's something you need to work hard on the moment you decided to accept him. Learn from other wives who surpassed this trial and pray pray pray. Kasi may mga nakagawa rin nun kahit matagal, so ibig sabihin magagawa mo rin.

As for forgetting, you cannot really forget it. Naka-archive na yan sa utak mo. Wag mong ipaulit ulit sa husband mo yung nagawa nya, tinutulak mo lang yan ulit gumawa ng kalokohan. Of course you have to change your ways and attitude din.

As for self-respect and self-love, ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ilang ulit mo yan tatanggapin kung sakaling magloko. But for other wives, once is enough, pag naulit ulit, hiwalay na.

Give your bestest shot before you give up on your marriage. So you'll live your life without any regret at what'ifs.

Kung nagbago na nga ba ang hubby mo, ikaw lang makakapagsabi nyan. If you want your marriage to work, meet halfway. Nag-eeffort sya to gain your trust, mag-effort ka rin to learn to give trust. Mahirap talaga noh, nobody said naman that marriages are free from tribulations.

very well said sis.  i love this line ... Nag-eeffort sya to gain your trust, mag-effort ka rin to learn to give trust. 

[hisana]

There's a limit to what I can tolerate in a relationship, married or otherwise, and I draw the line at repeated cheating and verbal/physical abuse.

[maiandra]

^ ako rin naman pagdating sa repeated cheating and physical abuse, mabigat na issue yan. Pero sana open pa rin sa possibility that anyone can change and still want to save the marriage diba. Kahit mag trial separation or counseling, or kung pano nyo ihandle, at least may effort.

I would like to believe that God gave my husband to me for a reason - he knows that he is the right person for me and he will not give me anything I cannot bear.

[aquacharly]

Never say "never".

Even if a woman declares she will never tolerate/cannot accept infidelity, or is capable only of giving just 1 more chance --  she cannot predict how exactly she will react when heartbreak slaps her face. 
Women have the capacity to love so much; to suffer much for the ones we love; and (this is our downfall) to hope greatly and for long that things will turn for the better.  As Fr. Cruz of the Ateneo once said (more or less, with these words):   Christ suffered for 3 hours on the cross, gave Himself up to God's Will & died.  These Filipinas, they suffer for 30 years & refuse to let their marriages die!  Lolz

Very few women are able to walk out, en punto.  Haven't we shared enough experiences?  Don't most hem & haw,; try harder even if the spouse/partner has already psychologically abandoned the marriage/relationship;  & suffer more in The Hope that things get better?     Until 1 day, the heart gets tired & we are amazed! at how far we have lost ourselves & how much heartbreak/suffering we have endured.  But until that Breaking Point/Epiphany is reached -- we just PERSIST. 
AND SO... 

. Would you still give him another chance?

.   One can never really tell, inspite of earlier strong declarations of intolerance of infidelity , how one will really react in the face of heartbreak. 

For those who have experienced being cheated on, how did you take it

I found out my husband had a kab1tch 6 months after he ended the relationship. The exB1tch talked to me & told me the important facts, except for the break-up.  Before I got to this point, our marriage went though a Dark Phase of dis-connect during which I tried even harder & did more to keep the marriage going -- which I said I would NEVER DO when I was living through the bad marriage of my own parents.  Hahaha, laugh's on me. 

When I got confirmation of my strong feelings he had an  affair going on --  BOINK!  I felt liberated.  You see, as Paulo Coelho said in 1 of his books:  Hell is that time being indecisive.  If you go from  day to day wavering: Will I try pa rin even if I am heartbroken?, or just give up kasi pagod na ko? So, I felt liberated kasi claro na, beyond doubt --  if he can bring such sh1t into our marriage, well I don't have to live with the crap.  Claro, if he wants tht kind of a 3-party relationship, kab1tch can take my trash.  That is how I took it: with anger & decisiveness: ayoko ng ganito, get out.