Tampuhan 101: Silent Treatment VS Confrontation

[maansky]

sabi nung isang girl sa TV show na hindi ko maalala ang title, kapag nag-away kayo ng bf mo and you give him the silent treatment, you're giving him a HUGE favor kaya kung gusto mo talaga siya asarin magsalita ka lang ng magsalita ng kahit na ano, pang-asar lang ba para makaganti. hehe

[cinderella_322]

ako kasi silent treatment, my hubby wants confrontation.
sa tagal namin, we managed to balance these 2 heheh..

same with other sissies, silent treatment muna kasi pag parehong galit eh iba iba na ang masasabi which can lead to a bigger misunderstanding at lalo lang lalaki ang gulo. so pag malamig na ang ulo namin pareho tsaka namin paguusapan ng mahinahon yung problema, that way mas clear ang pag-iisip at mas open minded na tumanggap ng opinion ng bawat isa.

[krnmprl]

pag i really care about the relationship: silent treatment muna and will open up much much later. mga after a week or 2 at least.
pag casual lang: silent treatment na wala ng hangganan. 

[shalikah]

In my own observation, I think guys hate the silent treatment, mas gusto nila yun confrontation. Mas gusto nila yun sinasabi mo sa kanila kung ano yun problema, kung bakit ka nagalit at ano yun side mo kesa tatahimik ka na lang.

Well, my partner is like that. Kapag may problema, he expects you to explain your side. He expects you to make him understand. He expects you to tell him your proposed solution to the problem. He expects you to discuss the reason why are you mad and why are you argueing with him. An open communication, good is it? An ideal way to deal with the problem is it? For some, this might be an ideal scenario.
 
But the problem is he have this "I'M ALWAYS RIGHT" attitude. I'm stubborn and a good debater as well. I always argue to have things go my way. But with him, I could never win. You try to reason with him, you'd end up spending half of your day tired of all the drama and feeling bad about your relationship, yourself and him. You'd be dead mad at him you want to kill him right at that moment.

Tired of argueing knowing you'd never win, I end up agreeing and admitting that I am wrong kahit alam kong sya ang mali.  As time goes by, medyo naiinis ako kasi parang nawawala yun self confidence ko. My friend always told me I am not the type na magpapa-control sa lalake, I like to be always in control. But there's the time na para akong alipin na lageng umo-oo sa boss nya. It makes me feel bad.

Then I learn to shut up. Silent treatment to the max. Mali naman ako bat pa ako sasagot? Tatahimik na lang ako tutal hindi naman siya makikinig. It drove him mad. As in nagwawala siya and I am just there having no reaction at all. One time, he's so mad na hinagis nya kung saan-saan sa kwarto niya yun mga playing gadgets niya. And I sat there silently. He walked out on me and umalis din ako. I stayed at my room and that's the first time I cried. I feel really bad. After a couple of hours, he went in and apologizes. I'm so happy that I really cried in front of him. He said sorry. Ha! The egoistic bast*rd said sorry.

Anyways, to cut he long story short. It isn't about how you prefer it to be. It's about who you are and your partner's personality. You want to deal with the problem directly, but your personality is hindi papatalo then confrontation is not for you kahit yun pa ang prefernce mo. If your the type of person na ayaw nakikipag-argue pero you feel bad naman kapag humahaba ang arguement then silent treatment is not for you. It's about knowing your partner personality, learning and understanding the way to make it easier to compromise.

[piatos]

sa ex ko nagger ako haha! sya walang imik parang dedma kahit galit na galit nako kaya lalong nakakainis 

[dulcette]

before, silent treatment. super away kami nung time na yun. i fell out of love.

now, we know better. nagcoconfrontation na kami. ang turo sakin ng senior ko (a psych) was to NOT talk when you're mad. do not walk out. stay quiet for a while, pero calm down and never ever give a cold shoulder. and then tell your thoughts, and listen to his. communication is key, ika nga.

we havent fought since then.

[pinkberries]

ako kasi, whenever im bothered, i confront him to discuss issues.  malumanay at okay pa.  pero when he starts to lie to my face, as self defense maybe, then silent treatment na.  and sadly it usually takes days before i talk to him again.   

[madhez]

pag nag-aaway kami ni bf, umaalis muna siya, parang nagpapalamig ng ulo tas babalik lang siya pag kaya na namin mag-usap ng mahinahon. basta lagi niyang pinapaalala sa kin na "sayang yung time, na imbes na masaya kami sa oras na yun eh nag-aaway pa kami" So dun pa lang napapaisip na ko na.. OO nga, yung time na un eh hindi na maiibalik pa. Tas ayun bati na kami, pag-uusapan na yung problema. So yun parang silent treatment at confrontation.

[love_Lauren]

silent treatment...let the issue subside and when we're both ready then we discuss whatever petty reasons we have. And it helps a lot to have a little humor during the talk to keep everyhting light instead of bombarding each other with every vocabulary words each knows.

then, LAMBINGAN to the max..dun na lang ilabas lahat ng galit!

[kukaii]

Depende sa pinag-aawayan. I always apply the RATM song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbGJeXShopk) kapag nag-war kami: Be calm like a bomb, then ignite, ignite, ignite

[fidz]

even if i talk alot on things (when i am not mad ha), i mean casual talk lang, marami kasi ako kwento. i never wanted to have confrontation, im afraid of it, i avoid it kasi i know myself, masakit ako magsalita. my husband is a very passionate guy, he never got mad easily. andun lang na tumahimik kame pareho pag naiinis sa isa't isa, then after sometime hindi na din kame makakatiis, we will just embrace each other whisper 'i'm sorry", it doesnt matter who started it or who's fault it is. what's more important is that we have the love for each other no matter what.

[cheekywraps]

Silent muna to clear thoughts at magpalamig, pag OK na tsaka pag usapan.

[quinone]

I think silent treatment should not be confused with "time outs" or "cool down times"

Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse; it's when your partner or another person wants to talk, tapos ikaw ayaw mo. sa mga kakilala ko na nag silent treatment ang nasa isip niyan..."bahala ka dyan" or "galit ako and i am not going to tell you why, hulaan mo" yung mga tao nagpa-practice ng silent treatment they actually get a kick out of it.

para sa akin the key to a good relationship is communication talaga. don't just keep silent if you want a break from the fight, verbalize na you need some space para hindi mukhang t**** partner mo, which sa nagpa-practice ng silent treatment e yan talaga objective nila.

to answer the question, my hubby & i talk about our issues asap, di rin kami yung mahilig magtaas ng boses kaya di kami masyado nagaaway.

[vianyx]

ako ugali ko yang silent treatment kapag nainis ako kay bf...
basta kapag tumahimik na ko alam na nya na naiinis ako or galit...
minsan kapag kahit anong tanong nya di ko sinasagot talaga naiinis na rin sya sakin hanggang sa makatulog kami na di nagpapansinan tapos kinabukasan bati na kami kasi nakalimutan ko na naiinis pala ako sa kanya...

ayaw ni bf na tahimik ako pero ayaw nya lalo yung nagbabangayan kasi di ako ganung tao na panay dakdak kasi walang mangyayari at mag aaway lalo dahil sa init ng ulo kaya silent treatment talaga ako...
bati si bf nakikigaya na rin sa ugali ko...
ahahaha

[cristyles]

I prefer silent treatment than confrontation. Mas gusto ko yung silent treatment para mag-cool down muna and think of a better justification. Mahirap kasi yung confront ng confront tapos high yung emotions mo. Mas okay yung silent treatment ng makapag-isip isip rin ng maayos .

[agape]

Pwedeng Silent Treatment, Pwedeng Confrontation, it depends on your type of guy, which one will make him listen.
If he asks what's bothering you when you keep silent, then Silent Treatment works.
If he says he doesn't know and you never tell him, then you need to learn Confrontation.
Oh, and never NAG, as in. Nagging only shuts the ears of guys.
You can always confront in a gentle manner, mejo mahirap yun, if we are overcomed with emotions, but through practice and patience you can do this.

[k_heart]

Mas mahilig ako sa silent treatment pero pag ready na ako at ready na din sya, then we talk and confront kung ano man ang source ng away namin. Mahirap ding maging silent forever kasi the problem parang under the rug lang, hindi natin kita pero andun pa din. SO, a mix of both. whatever will work in the current situation. Basta ako, hindi ko sinasabayan ang galit ng ng hubby ko. I will take my sweet time?

[xhien]

kami naman ni hubby more on silent treatment kami kapag may tampuhan eh.. kapag galit na rin kasi ako at sasabihin ko side ko sinasabihan niya ako na tumigil na daw ako..napansin ko yun sa kanya na ayaw niya talaga ng madami akong sinasabi lalo kapag ganun situation..ako naman tumatahimik na lang din talaga at di siya kakausapin kasi inis na din ako eh..pero minsan nagagalit naman siya kapag di ako sumasagot sa mga tanong niya..gulo niya..hayzt..pero kapag ganun na di na lang talaga kami naguusap at mamaya bigla na lang niya ako yayakapin, hahawakan kamay ko at aakbayan, ayun ok na naman kami..

ask ko lang tama ba yun? di namin pinaguusapan yung naging away namin? parang after ilang minutes ok na kami bigla..kapag ganun kasi talagang nakikipagbati na din ako para di na kami mag away pa..

[candi]

^ it's good for you both if di nyo babalikan yung causes ng pinagawayan nyo, minsan kasi may sumbatan portion then dun lumalabas yung dating sama ng loob na never napagusapan.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

pag friends confrontation, kasi friends ko sila. i'll be straight up honest and ask.

pag guys, silent treatment. the funny thing is that maraming friends/friendly siya, he can just go hang around with his friends muna, but hindi, nagpapakaemo siya. haha! kasi ako as in ma-oobvious na nakasilent treat ako sa kanya dahil usually lagi kami magkasama tapos all of a sudden i'm with my friends/other people na. i'm glad my groupmates understand that at di kami pinagpipilit na magpartner pag ganun.