hubbys untold stories

[cars]

hi mga sis! we have visitors in our house.. drinking session.. until nalasing na yung isang friend namin.. then sinabi nia yung past ni hubby dun sa girl nung hs days.. na crush na crush daw ni hubby yun dati, and dnedenay lang.. were all laughing pa nga.. he even said like "o nagalaw mo ba?" while hubby keeps on laughing.. on my part.. alam ko past n yun., still shocking parin marinig mga bagay na hindi ko alam.. i felt betrayed pero hindi ko alam kung tama ba.. sad lang talaga ako.. up to now, it keeps on running in my mind.. help mga sis! hindi ko alam kung tama ba nararamdaman ko..

[aquacharly]

Can you undo history?
Is your husband still hot for or in pursuit of that girl?

If you answer NO to both  questions --  eh, why are you wasting your time & emotions?
Pero  you feel betrayed?  Hmmm, Life is seldom a fairy tale that a woman gets a man who has never fallen for someone previously; or a man whose history is as open & simple as a fairy tale book. 
Atchaka, did you both mutually agree before you to married na 100% True Confessions muna kayo?  So why feel betrayed?
Get real, darling -- or you will just unnecessarily add wrinkles to your face.

Just be happy, that they all drink in your house;quesa your hubby is elsewhere drinking.

[daveigh]

In this kind of situation, what would I do? Syempre I cannot deny those feelings, though iniisip ko rin na tapos na ang mga bagay na yan. Tao ka lang din, and it's really normal to have those feellings.

If I were you, I would talk to my husband this way, halimbawa bago matulog at pareho kayong hindi stressed sa kung ano : "Love/darling/Sweetheart, alam mo, kung ano yung narinig kong tungkol sayo nung gabi na nag-inuman kayo, medyo na hurt ako, kasi parang feeling ko there is something I do not know about you. I felt sad and a little betrayed. Ano kaya ang pwede ko or mo na gawin para mawala na ang pakiramdam ko na ito? Naiirita din ako sa sarili ko kasi alam ko naman, ako na ang future mo. I should feel secured na pero ganito. Can you help me?"

Sa akin kasi, there is nothing wrong in saying feelings such as this, as early as possible, and being able to communicate it in a way na hindi aggressive or para pagsimulan ng away. Our partners should know our weaknesses din para naman alam nila how to take care of us and vice versa.

And aquacharly is also right, on the brighter side, the fact that he is drinking in your house ha, that's better than waiting for him to come home.

[Alucard]

In this kind of situation, what would I do? Syempre I cannot deny those feelings, though iniisip ko rin na tapos na ang mga bagay na yan. Tao ka lang din, and it's really normal to have those feellings.

If I were you, I would talk to my husband this way, halimbawa bago matulog at pareho kayong hindi stressed sa kung ano : "Love/darling/Sweetheart, alam mo, kung ano yung narinig kong tungkol sayo nung gabi na nag-inuman kayo, medyo na hurt ako, kasi parang feeling ko there is something I do not know about you. I felt sad and a little betrayed. Ano kaya ang pwede ko or mo na gawin para mawala na ang pakiramdam ko na ito? Naiirita din ako sa sarili ko kasi alam ko naman, ako na ang future mo. I should feel secured na pero ganito. Can you help me?"

Sa akin kasi, there is nothing wrong in saying feelings such as this, as early as possible, and being able to communicate it in a way na hindi aggressive or para pagsimulan ng away. Our partners should know our weaknesses din para naman alam nila how to take care of us and vice versa.

And aquacharly is also right, on the brighter side, the fact that he is drinking in your house ha, that's better than waiting for him to come home.

This is the best advise that any others can give you. Mas maganda parin talaga ang open communication. If you were hurt, tell him. Mas maganda kasing deretsahan kesa manghuhula pa ang partner mo. dito nabubuo yung sama ng loob at pag dating sa dulo tsaka ito sasabog.

Talk to each other in a nice way para maganda ang flow ng paguusap ninyo.

[aquacharly]

^i like that - yung to be able to talk it out, to acknowledge your bad feelings with your hubby.
But not all hubbies are alike.
Nor are all wives willing to go into such a conversation.  Iba iba kasi marital dynamics.

Personally, I'd choose to control my thoughts/emotions about history I can't erase/re-configure than to bring it up with hubby. Parang -- if that I can't handle, what else  can't I handle?  For us -- speaking for us 2 lang ha --  we each choose to be strong, not waste time on trivialities, but focus on the big things.  Our attitude to things we cannot change/control:  deal with it, don't fight it. 
And well, I will choose to assess the worth of an emotion & curb the unproductive instead of say.....letting an emotion run off like a horse.
Ayoko   naghahanap ng mamaws.  hehe.

But that's just my view, my life, my "IMO".

[Mommy•Shey]

Past is Past. Wala ka na din namang magagawa sa ganyan. Siguro hindi lang tama na sa bahay niyo sila nag iinuman ng mga friends niya then yet ibang babae ang pinag uusapan nila, tapos masasaktan ka pag may narinig kang mga stories na hindi mo alam. IMO, hindi naman lahat ng baho ng asawa mo eh need mo pang malaman. Minsan kusang lumalabas sa bibig nila yan. Don'd dwell too much sa situation, tutal nakaraan nanaman yun. Sabihin mo nalang sa asawa mo na if ever makikipag chikahan siya sa mga friends niya tungkol sa ibang girl at dun mismo sa bahay niyo maghinay hinay kamo sila, kasi hindi maganda sa pandinig natin yung mga ganun, yes tumatawa tayo kahit biruan lang pero tumatatak sa isip natin yan.

[m_lim]

tama, mangigil ka kung meron pa rin silang issue hanggang ngayon. pero kung wala, deadma.

bakit mo kainisan ang isang bagay na tapos na? na wala ka ng magagawa about it? na hindi na nakaka apekto sa buhay niyo now?

pansin ko lang ha, minsan ang mga babae pag sobrang smooth ng relationship with hubby, konting issue pinapalaki.

huwag kang gumawa ng away na walang cuenta.

[cars]

thanks mga sis.. inisip ko naman maige kung tama ba yung nararamdaman ko.. since past na nga yun, i think mali din ako.. pero i'll talk to him about sa naramdaman ko.. para open communication.. thanks mga sis i'll talk to him later

[cars]

i love your comments mga sis.. pampa gising sa emotera day ko.. thanks a lot!

[mdy]

Lahat naman siguro tayo may mga untold stories. Either hindi significant enough para maalala ikwento or sadyang forgettable story kaya obviously nakalimutan na. Hindi din naman yung husband ang nag-brought up ng topic so meaning wala sa kanya yon. It could happen again in the future inuman or kwentuhan, tipong ibang subject or issue naman, but as long as it doesn't threaten your relationship in any manner then don't let it come between the two of you. Choose your battles well. Kung trip mo na malaman pa yung further infos, then magpakwento ka kay hubby. Para next time na may kwentuhan na ganyan, you wont feel out of place. Or if you're caught again in the same kind of situation, just ride along nalang. You can always randomly asked you're husband about his past, that way kasi mas makikilala nyo yung isa't-isa One of the secrets of a healthy relationship is open communication.

[twelvth_goddess]

I think your emotions are better off spent on something else sis. It was a harmless crush back in HS, whO knows eh baka hinde na din nya maalala yon. Digging up the past is very tricky cus some people are prone to reactions such as yours. If you spend time worrying, what's going to happen? Everyone has a past, sOme darker than Others, some more blah and boring.

Stop thinking about things you cant change and cant control; instead focus on your present and what you have control over such as your emotions and your marriage.

[cars]

hi mga sis! im better now.. its my fault feeling that way.. he explained to me everything now i know the truth.. silly me.. all's well ends well.. feeling better now..

[Alucard]

I think your emotions are better off spent on something else sis. It was a harmless crush back in HS, whO knows eh baka hinde na din nya maalala yon. Digging up the past is very tricky cus some people are prone to reactions such as yours. If you spend time worrying, what's going to happen? Everyone has a past, sOme darker than Others, some more blah and boring.

Stop thinking about things you cant change and cant control; instead focus on your present and what you have control over such as your emotions and your marriage.

I agree with this. Its just a waste of time thinking about the past. wala namang mangyayare at hindi naman mababago iyon. you just have to accept it since mahal mo iyong tao..

[daveigh]

^ nakainom kasi kaya malakas ang loob. hindi natin maiiwasan ang k*ps na friends. hehe! it's beyond our control, what we can control is yung sarili natin.

Anyway, good to hear all is well, sis cars. Nice na nakapagpaliwanag ang mister mo. It's an ongoing improvement sa mag-asawa. And mind you, not all wives are lucky to have an open communication with their husbands. As you can see in other threads, di ba?

[marssie]

Mas inis ako sa mga kaibigan ni hubby na ganyan, okay past is past di mo mababago yun, at kung tutuusin wala ka pang paki dun kasi di ka pa nga part ng life niya nung nangyari yun,pero dahil ngayon pinaguusapan at ikaw ang present kahit papaano nakakabastos din. lalo na kung ang sinasabi pa sayo eh "kung ano ang ginagawa ng bf/hubby at ng ex niya". 

[twelvth_goddess]

^True. Kaya hinde ko feel yung mga childhood friends ni hubby sa kanila kas easide from huthutero na, ang hilig pa mag-dig ng ganyang past and use it as 'banter' kahit nasa harap ko. Obvious lang na walang manners and breeding.

[cars]

^ nakainom kasi kaya malakas ang loob. hindi natin maiiwasan ang k*ps na friends. hehe! it's beyond our control, what we can control is yung sarili natin.

Anyway, good to hear all is well, sis cars. Nice na nakapagpaliwanag ang mister mo. It's an ongoing improvement sa mag-asawa. And mind you, not all wives are lucky to have an open communication with their husbands. As you can see in other threads, di ba?

yes sis, happy na.. wrong move na nagpadala ako agad sa emotions ko.. atleast nag open ako sa kanya about sa naramdaman ko.. now i know the truth.. your right its beyond our control.. Thanks

[Michipot]

i learned from experience and from a seminar, wag kimkimin ang mga feelings... it's best pagusapan yan in a gentle way.. para maiwasan yung pag nag away eh saka mo ibring-up yung issue... we have to acknowledge each other's feelings dahil ang feelings walang right or wrong.. it's the action that comes with the feelings ang nagiging tama or hindi...

pag magsabi ng feelings, focus on the "I"... "I feel bothered..." "I am confused"...   
avoid this.. " I think YOU are selfish"  "YOU are being insensitive"....

constant dialogue will help couples know each other more...