INUNA NYA PA YON KESA SA ANAK NAMIN....

[candi]

Sis, pag usapan nyo yan ng hubby mo, you have to be honest about your feelings. Then isip kayo solution para di na maulit. But don't nag ha? Kalma lang para makaisip kayo ng solution. And sabi mo matagal sya natengga sa bahay, baka kasi na miss nya ang social life and napagod magalaga ng anak nyo kaya nya nagawa yun but I'm not saying na what he did is ok lang. Sana lang din naging honest sya sayo about his feelings. Know his reasons sis and then Mag compromise kayo para Di nyo nahuhurt ang isa't isa.

[1choi_ko9]

Sis, pag usapan nyo yan ng hubby mo, you have to be honest about your feelings. Then isip kayo solution para di na maulit. But don't nag ha? Kalma lang para makaisip kayo ng solution. And sabi mo matagal sya natengga sa bahay, baka kasi na miss nya ang social life and napagod magalaga ng anak nyo kaya nya nagawa yun but I'm not saying na what he did is ok lang. Sana lang din naging honest sya sayo about his feelings. Know his reasons sis and then Mag compromise kayo para Di nyo nahuhurt ang isa't isa.

sis ang hirap kase mag-usap with him...im trying to reached out to him... like yung nangyari the other night its like as if wala sya fault at all...

and nung andito sya sa bahay, hindi naman sya nag aalaga...hatid and sundo lang from school ginawa nya kase may yaya naman. minsan inaantay nya pa ako umuwi bago gumawa assignments (another story)... feeling ko nga sakin nya na inaasa lahat...

[aquacharly]

As a mom, you should always be strong & decisive...you are your  kid's frontliner, remember that.
 Take for granted  that there will be many instances you will decide on your own.  Maintain your confidence 24/7.
Kung walang driver, take a cab... Go earlier than before you desperately need to, to have your kid competently checked.

Atchaka what will  your mom say? --  puede ka mag lie & say he is still in the office & must stay for an important meeting presided on by his boss.

The basketball game was not just a game, it was important to your hubby to establish rapport upon his entry into a new group. Consider it a compliment he had enough trust in your intelligence & ability to quickly act in emergencies or tight situations -- hence, he could come in later. 

You are more than pissed coz of the stress you went through.  And perhaps since you handled it well & your kid is now ok -- you just want him to squirm with a little guilt?  Since he wasn't upfront fullblast about appreciating the good job you did? I would feel just like you do now, I get it. 
But - Choose your battles well, you don't need this one to start building a wall between you & your hubby. Marriages go through a lot of tests, believe me.

[YanYanYanYanYan]

I just want to share:

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you aren't happy. Too often, relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames the partner. Your life is solely under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take. This is with the exception of domestic abuse.

2. Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the differences between yourself and your partner. Do not expect your partner to agree with you on every issue. Reach a mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time or call if you absolutely must be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. Safety is important.

3. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can choose to be right, or to have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Many people argue to be "right" about something. They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Fine, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that, while you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, you love and share and learn from those experiences. And if you can't reach any kind of mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you are wrong.

4. Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute. Not only is that the only type of relationship that will work out, but it will work out in both of your favor.

5. Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or their partner's. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship to work you need to have trust.

6. Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign. It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.

7. Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.

8. Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: responsible means having the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry. You'll be amazed how this works.

9. Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.

10. Admit your mistakes and say sorry. One possible way to do this is to talk after having a misunderstanding or argument. For example you can ask your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Ask your partner to do the same thing and talk to them when you are both ready. Ask your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.

11. Spend some quality time together. No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, or watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.

12.  Laugh Together. Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it's also true that laughter can make a great relationship. In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner and share humorous feelings. Not only does laughing establish a connection, it can help keep passionate feelings in perspective.

13. Develop a realistic expectation about sex and intimacy. This should not be based on what is taught in the media or films. This also implies finding new and creative ways to pleasing each other intimately.

14. Arrange a safe haven (time and place) from the stressful daily hassles of life to enjoy one another. This can include a quiet dinner along the beach, a walk in the park, etc.

15. Very importantly, support each other. If your partner has to do something for his or her school, studies or work, support him or her. This will make them feel loved, and it will make them realize that they also have a friend in you, not just a romantic interest. Be supportive. Be their number one fan.

[aquacharly]

The best advice I overheard this year:  Expect nothing.

[chefron]

Tama nga ako, may issue pa hehe.

Quote lang kita sis reg sa sinabi mo na theres time for play etc....eh sis diba nauna namang nagpaalam sya bago nagkasakit anak nyo?

Gusto ko lahat ng sinabi ni yanyanyanyan.

[YanYanYanYanYan]

Gusto ko lahat ng sinabi ni yanyanyanyan.

Thank yew sis, galing ng wiki yan 

[khriseeee]

In a way i understand the TS, he should be in this with you and now that he has a family he should be thinking of them and not just himself. Our baby hasn't been sick yet (knock on wood) but she had on and off fever due to teething and my hubby would call home to check on her.

But as others have stated, there was no need to wait for your hubby if your child needed medical attention. Not knowing how to drice and the rain is not an excuse. I'd walk thru the rain to the hospital if needed, esp if my child was delirious na. High fevers can cause brain damage. And how will your family know you are at the hospital if you don't tell them? The situation was in your hands, next time think about the immediate needs of your child before what your family will think.

Lastly, we have to acknowledge men are different creatures, they do not think the way women do so don't expect him to think the same thing you are thinking. Be explicit and tell him directly what you want/need him to do especially in times of emergency. My hubby and i have had so many arguments over expectations and assuming the other would "know" what each of us was thinking.

Just to share, when i was preggy and nearing my due date i was having on and off cramps in the morning. I asked hubby to stay home since his work is really far away but he said he had important things to do. He'd check in on me during the day and i continied to have cramps, slightly stronger but no regular interval. Imagine come 5pm he texts me that he's going drinking with his friend!! I texted back that i needed him home in case i had to go to the hospital na, his reply, "does it really hurt na ba." WTH!!! I was so upset, i don't throw tantrums but in this case i did! Hahahaha he came home and it turned out to be a false alarm. Men talaga.....

[ayami]

lahat na yata ng pwedeng iadvice natumbok na dito e. pero bottomline: wag umasa sa asawa lalo na kung alam mo nang di maaasahan. ganyan ako sa asawa ko dati, tipong siya pagbubuntunan ko sa karamihan ng bagay kahit may magagawa naman ako... kasi pinagdududahan ko sya nun e . may ginawa kasi yung kalokohan kaya naging attention whore ako noong araw using the kid as an excuse. baka may pinaghuhugutan din si TS ng galit. haha

[mae18]

To TS, same thing happened to me, i post it at New born thread i think...

Well, the difference is, my hubby told me he was on OT, madaling araw na daw siya uuwi. Im a first time mom, and my baby was only 4 months old then, dahil ako lang and baby ko andito sa bahay that time, i asked him if he can send me muna sa mom ko para may kasama ako mag alaga ng baby ko...

the thing is, nanibago sa surrounding ang baby ko kasi yun bahay namin ng hubby ko, yun area tahimik, sa loob ng subdivision... whilst my mom's house is in Manila, lam naman nating lahat kun gaano ka-overcrowded ang Manila, dikit dikit ang bahay and 24 hours ang ingay ng mga tao at sasakyan...

so ayun, naingayan siguro yun baby ko, that night around 8pm iyak na ng iyak baby ko, i tried everything, pinadede ko na, i even changed his diaper, and tried closing windows and doors pero walang effect, ang ending hindi talaga makatulog ang baby ko... i texted him, and told of my concerns, sabi niya OT pa siya, alalang alala na din mom ko, awang awa na kaming lahat, kasi siempre ilan buwan pa lang tas past 11pm na yun, di pa din nakakatulog baby ko.. so i decided na umuwi na lang ng kahit alanganing oras, na yun din naman yun sinuggest ng mom ko.. i [textspeak!] him kun pwede ba na sumaglit sya para maihatid kami or matulungan niya ako... sabi niya sige tapusin ko lang to, so intay ako... gang sa 2am na i asked him kun ano na, kasi idlip idlip yun baby ko tas iiyak, sabi niya di pa tapos, eh di hinayaan ko... nagpatulong ako na magpakuha ng cab para makauwi samin, gang sa sinabi ng mom ko na wag na lang, since di na gaanu umiiyak at kailangan lang buhatin para di magising, hinihele ko ba, so morning came, around 11am, my party kami since 1st birthday ng pamangkin ko, so sabi papunta na daw sya, kamusta na baby namin, di ko nireplyan kasi naiinis nga ako, until this [textspeak!] message came na wag daw siya itag sa pictures sa Fb, so nagpantig talaga tenga ko dahil ibig sabihin nun merong di tama, and un duda ko na hindi OT kundi inuman o dine out nun mga ka-officemate niyang mga single ladies ang kasama niya... from there, sinabi ko wag kna pumunt, sabi ko sinungaling ka talaga kahit kelan... and so on.... tas nun tumawag siya, lalo ako nainis sa sinabi niya na, ano? papasundo pb kayo o hinde na, talagang sinabi ko na, wag mo na kaming sunduin, at wag kana talagang magpapakita sa akin kahit kelan, ilan beses na niya kasi yun ginawa.. di ko na mabilang... eto lang napuno ako... in short tama yun hinala ko, saw from his fb how thankful his officemates dahil isa isa silang hinatid in different locations, may sa rizal, may sa caloocan, oh di ba bongga, sa galit ko, sumagot ako dun sa fb na yun and told them everything of what had happend, may isang girl nagsabi na kusa daw sumama husband ko, kesyo wag ko daw sila sabihan na sana wag gawin sa knila yun ng mga magiging asawa nila, and so on... sabi ko naman, kung kayo eh may mga concern, alam niyong pamilyadong pamilya yun tao eh galak na galak kayong magpahatid isa isa... tas yun, dinelete na nila, di na ako makapagpost- gamit ko fb ng hubby ko nun pero nagpakilala ako as wife... sabi ko pa nga dun eh, sana yang galak niyong naihatid kayo eh madagdagan kasi nakakasira kayo ng pamilya, lam niyong may asawa at bagong anak, magpapahatid pa kayo isa isa...

kay hubby, pumunta pa din siya, told sorry, pero di maalis galit ko, so sinumbong ko sya nun sa MIL ko, and kinausap naman daw siya... ngayon di na niya ginawa, and di na naulit pa... nagbago din...  kaya ok kami ngayon ni hubby,

[marose17]

TS, nasabi na ng ibang sisses lahat ng gusto kong sabihin.  I suggest lang na you start learning how to drive so that you are not totally dependent on your hubby at least in this aspect. 

[twelvth_goddess]

1choi_ko9 - I hope your child is ok now. I know your fear as a parent especially pag may sakit yung bata tapos nasa work tayo. Marose is right, learn how to drive especially since you have a child. Emergencies, hinde maiiwasan yan and it can happen any time of the day and night. Pano pag wala hubby mo tapos gabing-gabi na, I'm sure hinde mo na naman sya hihintayin non.

Samin ng husband ko nangyari na yan. Parehas kameng nasa work tapos my yaya and sister texted me na nagsusuka yung anak ko. Wala naman fever pero every kain or dede, sinusuka kagad. Between me and my husband, sya ang mauunang umuwi nung time na yon and I specifically asked him to go home kagad para makita nya yung anak ko. Instead of going home kagad, pumayag pang sumama 'saglit' sa co-workers nya for a 'quick drink'. I was fuming mad pero hinde muna ko nag-react. hinde ako nag-text or tumawag especially nung naunahan ko pa syang umuwi. In short, ako ang nagdala sa ER sa anak ko at around 12 midnight. Pag uwi nya, saka sinabe ng maid sa kanya. Halos mabaliw sya sa galit sa sarili and guilt. I never had to say anything especially when he saw us at the ER. Never nang umulit.

[1choi_ko9]

1choi_ko9 - I hope your child is ok now. I know your fear as a parent especially pag may sakit yung bata tapos nasa work tayo. Marose is right, learn how to drive especially since you have a child. Emergencies, hinde maiiwasan yan and it can happen any time of the day and night. Pano pag wala hubby mo tapos gabing-gabi na, I'm sure hinde mo na naman sya hihintayin non.

Samin ng husband ko nangyari na yan. Parehas kameng nasa work tapos my yaya and sister texted me na nagsusuka yung anak ko. Wala naman fever pero every kain or dede, sinusuka kagad. Between me and my husband, sya ang mauunang umuwi nung time na yon and I specifically asked him to go home kagad para makita nya yung anak ko. Instead of going home kagad, pumayag pang sumama 'saglit' sa co-workers nya for a 'quick drink'. I was fuming mad pero hinde muna ko nag-react. hinde ako nag-text or tumawag especially nung naunahan ko pa syang umuwi. In short, ako ang nagdala sa ER sa anak ko at around 12 midnight. Pag uwi nya, saka sinabe ng maid sa kanya. Halos mabaliw sya sa galit sa sarili and guilt. I never had to say anything especially when he saw us at the ER. Never nang umulit.

oo nga noh halos same thing that happened to me... but yeah...magaaral na ako magdrive i promise myself

[twelvth_goddess]

^Liberating sis. Chaka pag imbyerna ka sa hubby mo, pwede kayo gumimik ng anak mo na hinde sya kasama heehee 

[glamorosa_09]

^I like that! hmmm...

[marose17]

^^ True!  One of the things I always advise to female friends getting married is to learn how to drive (if they do not know yet).  Nakakawala ng poise kung kunwari nag-away kayo at gusto mong lumabas or escape muna sa bahay tapos magco-commute ka LOL. 

I just want to lighten the mood here.

TS, ha, palipasin mo na ang galit mo sa asawa mo.

[ReservoirDogs]

This thread pushed me to learn how to drive again, hehe.

To the TS, glad to know your baby is ok na.

[YanYanYanYanYan]

^^ True!  One of the things I always advise to female friends getting married is to learn how to drive (if they do not know yet).  Nakakawala ng poise kung kunwari nag-away kayo at gusto mong lumabas or escape muna sa bahay tapos magco-commute ka LOL. 

I just want to lighten the mood here.

TS, ha, palipasin mo na ang galit mo sa asawa mo.

Hindi naman siguro nakakawala ng poise ang magcommute Sis. Roughly, 15 yrs na kong nagccommute ok pa naman ang poise ko hehe lalo na now na preggy ako, beautiful pa ren... 

It is how you handle yourself regardless if you have a car or none. 

[candi]

^True! And there's always a cab!

[iampennylane]

Hehe tama di naman nakakawala ng poise yun. Kami naman wala pa kaming car (this year pa lang kami kukuha) Wala din kaming helper or yaya and I have 3 kids na 6,4 and 3 all girls. Hubby's the only one working so imagine lahat ng errands ko bitbit ko yung tatlong tsikiting ko. Ang we commute lagi. Lagi kaming pinagtitinginan kasi para akong inahing manok na nakabuntot yung mga siwsiw pero yung iba just cant help but smile kasi walang hassle saken na bitbit ko lahat ng kids ko, nasanay na rin siguro ako.

BTT: Mga 3 years ago, meron din akong similar stories. 2 days after Ondoy when I gave birth sa bunso ko, pinasok talaga yung bahay namin so after giving birth Sept29 dun muna kami sa inlaws ko umuwi kasi puro putik pa yung bahay namin. Sept30 si hubby umuwi sa bahay namin para maglinis kasi gusto ko na umuwi sa bahay. The night nung Sept30, nagpaalam na kelangan nya pumunta ng office kasi may kelangan syang pirmahan. So inasikaso ko pa rin kasi nga work related. So imagine my surprise when 2 months later eh nahuli kong meron syang kaaffair sa office. And that night na nagpaalam sya saken na meron syang pipirmahan sa office eh yung officemate nya ang kasama nya. At nakafile talaga na leave yun since August pa ha kasi nakita ko yung leave form nya. So galit na galit ako aside dun sa nalaman ko na he cheated on me, moreso na nalaman ko na 2 days after giving birth, kasagsagan ng chaos sa Ondoy eh iniwan nya ako sa mga inlaws ko para pumunta dun sa kabit nya.
Ngayon ok na kami, i forgave him already, and matino na sya

So sis, try to talk it out with your husband, walang malaki o maliit na problema if youre open to each other. Lesson learned, don't dwell so much with the past, and don't ask why na, kasi minsan yun pa yung mas nakakasakit satin. Talk it out, forgive and forget.