I just need to vent out my frustrations in being married

[X-tine]

Hi to my gt sisses,

I just need to vent out my feelings and I don't know who to talk to about it because everyone thinks I am perfectly happy with my situation, actually sometimes I try to convince myself na okay naman talaga ako  e although sometimes in reality feel ko Hindi. so I'll start my long story na. I got married at a young age 23 while my hubby is older than me. My parents were not happy with our relationship especially my dad he was against him but since I'm stubborn and hardheaded I still pursued and continued. We made wedding plans without my parents approval, buti nalang last minute they decided to attend the wedding, thank God! My hubby is a good man naman he treats me well and hes a great father to our child. I actually feel that I am a spoiled wife naman but here are my complains that tinatago ko nalang sa sarili ko since I know that telling it to him will just hurt him and will really affect our marriage.

1. Ever since we got married, every time we talk about my parents, he's still mad at them. Mad because Hindi siya nitreat well during our dating days, but it really hurts me and I don't understand why he couldn't forgive when In the first place I chose him na NGa instead of my family. Feel ko nilalayo na Niya ako sa family ko, like I know pag naguusap ako with my parents Hindi siya happy, so Hindi ko nalang pinapaalam pag nagkausap kami. Basta anything with my family Hindi siya happy. I'll never feel na siguro happy family na with my parents, if magkita man sobrang awkward and wala talaga siyang effort sa parents ko na mareach out which I don't get kasi siya naman pinili ko and yet ganun treatment Niya towards my parents. Yun talaga ang main problem ko, Siguro if I had known before na magiging ganito, Hindi nalang naging matigas ulo ko
2. I am from Manila but since he's visayan , I have to move in visayas that means na i left my business in Manila so I have to work for them in the family business. So meaning kelangan makisama. Before when I wasn't married mon- fri Lang work ko now it's until sat, before I brought up na I don't want to work sana on sat para I could spend it as my me time and spend it with our daughter but then he was not up to it, we kinda argued about it but talo ako, and if Hindi ako pumasok on Saturdays nakakahiya with my other sis in laws and mil who goes to work even on sat.
3. I used to travel a lot like 3-4 times a year , now sobrang rare nalang and usually Asian countries nalang . I grew up na we travel often and now Hindi na masyado well fine we have a baby so ok Lang itong issue na Ito. Skip this issue nalang.
4. I used to shop and not be concsious so much on my shopping, now palagi Niya ako sinasabihan na ang gastos ko etc etc. before like every week talaga ako sa mall, now like once a month nalang and I don't buy as much as I used to before sometimes I get sad feel ko na dedeprived na ako, i couldn't explain it well. Basta in short nalang feel ko mas I had more before than now which is sobrang I couldnt accept Hindi naman sa poor is hubby or family but maybe totoo na if you're from Manila mas magastos talaga.
5. I honestly don't know how much he's making, and I don't ask kasi nahihiya naman ako. Then since I work for his family , I have salary from them but sa Kanya un bininigay, dati pinapasok Niya sa acct ko, ngayon wala na. So I hate to admit it but wala rin akong own money ko. I have an extension card from him naman every time I shop eat out etc, charged o his acct and bininigay an naman din Niya ako cash to spend so basically what I'm complaining Lang Is I am not earning my own money which is nakakainis kasi what if Meron ako Mga gustong Bilhin. Ever since before my dad kept on telling me na I have to have my own money para if I want to buy something then kaya ko Bilhin, now na I'm in this situation, I hate to admit it but tama NGa is dad.

I'm sorry it got so long but I just wanted to vent out and lianas how I feel.. Thanks for reading

[marose17]

It seems like the honeymoon stage is over.  Marriage entails hard work.  Your complaints and feelings are valid.  Discuss your concerns with your husband.  You should be able to communicate freely with him.  Or is there a communication gap?  How much older is he?  At 23, I feel that hindi ka pa sawa sa buhay single kaya ka nagkakaganyan.  Accept the fact that you now have a family.  It is your choice anyway.

[X-tine]

Thanks sis marose,   I just need to get it out since my friends and family are in Manila and I  couldn't tell anybody din since yun NGa it's my choice Diba?! He's 8 yrs older than me. Feeling ko there's a communication gap din since nahihiya ako mag open up to him and I know na if I open up I'll just be very emotional. Sometimes I feel na it was too early NGa na going back if kaya , I should have waited pa Siguro around 2 years. But too late for that now Siguro NGa I have to accept the fact that when you're married things change na talaga.

[ayami]

I have lots of frustrations too, buti nga ikaw ang rason is walang friends and family na kasama kaya ganon. ako physically with my mom, but she's too narrow-minded to listen to my rants. sabagay, my marriage started from an unplanned pregnancy kasi.

nakikirant na rin ako sa thread mo, sis. sensya na. haha

[reb_woods072683]

sis X-tine, may tanong lang ako. Base on your story, mukhang well off ka because you said you used to travel a lot. Baket ka pumapayag na ibigay sa asawa mo ang sweldo mo? I mean, don't you deserve to get what you worked for? Is there an issue with money that your husband needs to handle your salary? Mahirap talaga makisama lalo na sa mga business ng pamilya ng husband mo, kasi tulad niyan, hindi mo alam magkano ang sweldo niya, baket hindi mo itanong? eh asawa mo naman siya? may right ka naman para itanong yun.

[X-tine]

Sis reb_woods,

We are working in my hubby's family business so basically our salary is from the company of my parents in law. Sa Kanya bininigay since siya ang ka family. Maybe they assume na ibibigay nalang Niya sa akin or siya nalang made deposit sa acct ko. Before nakikita ko sa passbook na Meron money pumapasok but now wala na. Hindi ko naman mabring up this topic to him because Baka sabihin Niya ang makwenta ko and besides Lahat naman siya nagbabayad even Mga pang shopping ko grocery, baby stuffs etc! Pero yun din kinaiinis ko na feeling ko ang useless ko na kasi I have no earnings talaga, ang money ko Lang is from my single days pa. Ang hirap kasi Mga gusto kong Bilhin especially pag Mga mahal siyempre ipapabili ko sa Kanya, I have money but pag gamit in ko naman edi mauubos kasi NGa wala ng pumapasok Diba?!

Re sa sweldo Niya, ewan ko bakit hirap ako pag usapan ang money, never Lang namin talaga napag usapan eh.

Sis ayami,

I read na Medyo young ka parin, and like you I got married young, mahirap pala noh? Haha

[chubbelita]

ako i got married at the age of 21, ganun talaga. sacrifices of life yan. my husband is 10 years older than me. you have to meet halfway, kung noon nung wala ka pa hubby 20k a month pangsjopping mo ngayon 1/4 nalang, tapos 1/4 sa baby and then 1/4 sa groceries.

4 years pa lang naman kami married, pero i have changed a  ;)lot. once a month nalang ang night out ko, minimal shoppjng.. pero madalas ang grocery. actually, mas nageenjoy ako kasama sila ng baby namin kesa magshopping hehe.

talk to your husband, wala naman hindi nadadaan sa magandang usapan, it's normal to miss ouf dalaga days but if you would compare it to "now", would you dare trade it to your past? i guess being a wife and a mom, sa iba na mangagaling ang happiness and contentment natin sa buhay, gone are the days na shopping,kikay times make you happy. welcome to nanayhood

[i_miss_sleep]

Hi X-tine. You're only married. You're not dead so reclaim back your life. Married life means a husband and wife share with each other. Not everything though. How can you fulfill your wife and mommy duties if your wings are clipped? You must be well-educated so maybe you can pursue another job, and not enslave to their family business. Granted that your hubby wants you to be wise and save for the rainy days, but he must show you where the money goes and you have the right to that money since you worked hard for it. If he trusts you, he'll let you run the household finances and enjoy some little luxury of your own - that you like, that you've decided to buy. Do you have cultural differences with your husband? Most of the time, a man entering marriage bliss, asks guidance from his own family on how to run a family. Unfortunately, sometimes, a man's family tends to be bias and advises that he maintain to be the 'King' of the house and that advice gets stuck in his head. He needs another counselling. Why don't you bring the subject of marriage encounters to open up the channel between you guys?

As for comparing your life when you were single, unfortunately that's given up when you entered marriage life. But that doesn't mean you don't get to live that life once in a while. It should now be an awesome experience since you will get to spend those eventful times with your love ones. Photos will remind you those happy times. It shouldn't have to be an empty album.

With respect to his relationship with your parents, your husband is a grown man and must be mature enough to forgive and forget. If he continues to keep his grudge against your parents, both of you are just going to be miserable. With us pinoys, even if we have our own family, we still cherish our love and respect with our parents. And it will only gets stronger especially now that you are frustrated with your husband. You will have to make a move that will make your husband forget about the past and move on. Separating you from your family just isn't the solution. It worsens since he got you stuck with working for his own.

You shouldn't hold back these feelings, let your husband start hearing your firm voice.

I wish you the best and hope all's well that ends well.

[guilleanne]

on your number 1, narinig ko radyo,

sino daw ang pinaka maswerteng tao sa buong mundo?

sagot si eva at adan

bakit? kasi wala silang biyenan!

you must ask him one day, bakit? but you cannot force him din kasi na maging close sa family mo, sya lang ba ang hindi nag eeffort or family mo din? baka meron silang history na hindi mo alam.

2, 3, 4, and 5. this is what i've learned so far sis. it's either you take control, you accept the way it is or you bargain and compromise. it was your choice you got married to your hubby, fortunately happiness is always a choice. most of the time it helps to look in another direction, the better things, you might have 10 good things in your life and just 5 bad ones, even if it's the other way around.

don't feel bad about your life right now, nothing good will come out of it. you are not alone, i don't shop as much as when i was single too. and travel??? haven't been inside the movie house since i got pregnant, because i enjoy watching dvds at home with my little one also reaching for some pop corn.

[k_heart]

Have a heart to heart talk with your hubby sis! Mahirap ding mabuhay, na may tinatagong resentment. Iba din talaga sis pag may asawa na. Si hubby na ang dapat masunod pero syempre not all the time naman. I'm sure pinili mo sya ovr your family kasi may nakita ka something in him na feeling mo, sya ang gusto mo makasama for the rest of your life. Baka hindi lang din alam ng hubby mo ang nararamdaman mo kaya kausapin mo muna sya. The best bet,sabi nga ng iba nating mga sis is for you to look for another job outside the Family business.
Saka para may iba ka din environment. Feeling ko as a working mom, nakakabored din na ang kasama mo 7 days a week kahit sa work ay yung immediate members ng family.

Pero syempre din sis as married women, we must also,sacrifice other things. we can't have it all.

Regarding sa hindi mo alam ang suweldo ng hubby mo, oks lang yun. Yung asawa ko, di rin nya alam kung magkano sweldo ko.ha!ha!ha! Although ako,alam ko yung sweldo nya at bonuses kasi hawak ko ATM nya pero yung mga side bonuses at yung galing sa parents nya, hindi ko din alam at hindi ko na inaalam.

Pero sis, be thankful pa rin sa mga blessings mo. Kasi ang problem naman ng iba nating GT sisses, hindi makapag provide ang mga hubby nila for them at sila ang breadwinner. Ang daming ganung cases at madami ring GT sisses na gustong magka babybpero nahihirapan magkameron.

Kaya count your blessings sis and talk to your hubby asap and always oray for guidance. Makipag usap ka pag good mood si hubby! : )

[grlnxtdor]

1. if your hubby does not want to talk about your parents, then let it be. Mahirap ipilit mo ang isang bagay sa ayaw.
2. if you want independence, why marry? It sounded to me that you are still up for single life -- travel, shopping and expending forever but yours is already a different situation since you are already married and have a baby.
3. As for your work, the most you can do is not to work for your hubby's business. Get another job so you can have your own money.

[reb_woods072683]

I agree with i_miss_sleep. For me, hindi pwede na sa kanya ibigay ang perang pinagpaguran ko. Yes, better get another job.

I wonder why your husband is like that. Ano ba ang personality ng asawa mo sis?

[princessrio]

parents - baka may naexperience sya with your parents na hindi nya malimutan. was there such an incident na napahiya sya or something? hindi mo kasi pwede ipilit sa kanya kung ayaw nya talaga makipag-ayos sa family mo.

manila-visayas - did you guys talked over of this plan? bakit ka nahihirapan makisama? may pinagdadaanan ba kayo ng inlaws mo? hindi mo rin ba sila accepted? just like what your husband feels toward your parents?

travel and shopping - uhm, ok.

how much he is making - ok.

seems to me you were not yet ready when you got married. things change when you get married, and yes, that includes travel and shopping lalo na pag may baby ka na.

you guys really have communication gap. hindi mo masabi sa kanya kung ano napifeel mo. hindi mo magawang tanungin sa kanya yung gusto mo malaman. baka naman kaya hindi na nya pinapasok sa account mo yung pera eh dahil nga sa shopping spree mo. ask him kung magkano kinikita nyo at ginagastos nyo at the same time. baka yun ang rason nya. since you can spend using his card, why not make ipon the cash he is giving you? or kung gusto mo, dalhin mo yung business mo dyan. sabi mo nagbubusiness ka dito sa manila noon.

sis, you have to accept the fact that you are not single anymore. talagang mafufrustrate ka kung icocompare mo ang buhay mo noon sa buhay mo ngayon. dapat hindi na yan ang iniisip mo kasi kung puro sarili mo, that's selfishness. if you want to have your own money, then get out of the family business and continue your own business. pero pag kumikita ka na ba, are you willing to give some ng kita mo ba naman sa husband mo para sa expenses nyo? no one said that married life is a bed of roses. kahit pa anong idad ka nag-asawa, it will always take a lot of work from both sides. kausapin mo. mukhang di mo pa naman sinasabi sa kanya saloobin mo eh.

[X-tine]

thank you for reading my frustrations, i guess you are all correct na being married means changed na talaga ang life's priorities. Maybe im just so idealistic in marriage, i saw kasi my relatives na after being married okay parin ang life they still get to travel often, shop, parang nothing changed except that they have babies and their husbands na. Siguro i should not compare din talaga since iba iba rin ang tadhana ng bawat tao.

sis kheart, yes i know im still lucky na hindi naman major major talaga ang problem ni hubby and acrually feel ko ako lang naman may problema, siya hindi niya alam na may problema ako...

re sa parents ko, yes my parents have hurt him and his ego bigtime when we were still dating, hindi ko naman pinipilit na makipag chummy chummy na siya towards my parents but gusto ko lang sana na kahit konting effort on reaching out to them pero wala ... pero hindi ko naman pinipilit pero the feeling na parang nidadamot na niya ako and my baby to my parents thats what hurts me talaga.

Sa totoo lang what started this is, my mom is going to visit me and baby, so i told him na ill stay with my mom nalang sa hotel, since siya naman mag out of town during those days na vivisit ang mom ko, ayun nainis na siya porket bakit pa raw ako magstay with her e malamang naman buong day na kami magkasama. so ayun nainis din ako na bakit ganun e nanay ko naman yun.

hay.. re money hindi naman ako super mawaldas, and parang walang bukas gumastos, but siguro kaya hindi nalang niya nidedeposit is feel ko isip niya dahil sa kanya naman charged lahat and ayaw ko naman na i open up yun kasi nakakahiya na baka mamaya magkainisan kami dahil lang sa money when in fact hindi naman talaga niya ako kinukuripot, wala lang talaga ako masave pag ganito ...

[Msfi]

I agree with the sisses here about the changes and things we give up since getting married. But if you're working in their business on salary basis,  that salary should go to you directly coz it's your right, pinaghirapan mo yun eh.

Talk with your husband, Baka naman d nya nabibigyan ng pansin yang mga nasasaloob mo dahil wala syang nakikitang problem at tingin nay eh ok naman kayo.

[marose17]

@X-tine, if you cannot directly tell your husband what is on your mind, perhaps you can write him a letter.

[reb_woods072683]

thank you for reading my frustrations, i guess you are all correct na being married means changed na talaga ang life's priorities. Maybe im just so idealistic in marriage, i saw kasi my relatives na after being married okay parin ang life they still get to travel often, shop, parang nothing changed except that they have babies and their husbands na. Siguro i should not compare din talaga since iba iba rin ang tadhana ng bawat tao.

Alam mo ako sis, ganyan din. Tinatanong ko minsan kung baket yung ibang mag asawa eh parang walang nagbago sa pagiging gf/bf at nung nagpakasal sila. I realized, na napressure ako. Ang pumasok sa isip ko is when you get married, iba na ang mundo mo, as in totally mag iiba. Pero hindi pala, nasa sa inyo pa ring dalawa yun kung gusto niyo ituloy yung nakagawian niyo na when you were still bf/gf.

[aquacharly]

X-TINE, that cannot be:   That you are clueless about his money, & you have lost control  over your money.

Habang bata bata ka pa, correct this situation.  I don't agree that your issues are mere/small irritants.  IMO, your husband is setting you up & what you see now is just the tip of the iceberg.   You are, de facto - powerless now.  Do not allow that to go on...

Marriage, like all relationships on earth: is a Power Play.   
It is fair to both spouses if the Balance of Power is near equal.  Otherwise, it is but human for the 1 wielding the bulk of the power to be abusive.  "Abusive" as to assume/take for granted that  the other sees & enjoys the world as he does.  No 2 people are alike, & you have the right & intelligence to crunch the world your own  way.  Every person needs Self Expression & Self Determination.   
It is not right that you are deprived of Self Determination & Self Expression just because you are married.
But, that's just my opinion after all.

Is your hubby the Heir Apparent-in-training?   Yes? Good for him, you & your kids.
Your family will be the major beneficiary of everybody's participation -- BUT, your parents-in-law must drop dead first. Sorry, but that's reality.
If your hubby is not the H/A - ay, susko, after your in-laws.. You & hubby will be under the thumbs of the H/A brother & his wife.
&  You will always be a mere employee with not much prospect for advance -- until a lot drop dead.  Sorry, but that's reality.

I got the impression you had a career/business before settling down; & made good money.
IMO, you should set up a business of your own.   That will solve your current lack  of Self Determination & Self Expression.   
Darling, with your own business --  you provide yourself the Best Insurance you can get for yourself. 
And -- you can deal with all in-laws, including out-laws, & MIL -- on your own terms.

You do not know how much he makes? How much money is in his/your joint account? 
Prudence dictates 2 names at least on a family account.
Sino co-signatory nya? His mom?  If you are not the co-signatory to his accounts: very bad news for you.
If you  do not know his accounts: even bigger bad news.
But that all is just my opinion, after all.

I am not predicting that your husband's love for you will dim.
But, well,  people do  change.   Masama ba to have YOUR best interest at heart?
Isn't it YOUR obligation to provide for/protect YOUR future too? 
IMO,  Hindi tama you default in minding your interest just because you got married & have a husband who provides for all your needs.  Sure, that he does, NOW.
But that all, after all, is just my opinion.

I have a BFF who was in the same circumstances as you are in now.
When the father in law died, the mother in law took over & was stingier with the funds.
She said she could no longer breathe in the marriage then.  So she started with a snack business, that her MIL scoffed at (kasi shipping business nila)  But now, she has a string of businesses in malls.  Her hubby is so proud of her. 

Another BFF - she knew nothing of hubby's assets & finances.
This 1 has soooo  many credit cards, she buys  loads of stuff she forgets to use.  Her hubby pays for it all, no complaints.  IMO, expensive wife on a short leash.   
1 day an epiphany hit her -- that foreign investment account manager  she would pick up fom the NAIA --  bring around the Phils & who she entertained -- then brought back to the airport -- all per the instructions of her hubby -- well, not only was that woman managing her hubby's foreign wealth, but also managing her hubby's ballz. Lols.  Mistress pala, based in Singapore. 
When she confronted her hubby, he said: What can you do about that?  End of conversation.
Oh, she is nowadays more vindictive -- shopping like -- sumakit ulo ko when she bought a dozen pairs of designer boots in 30min.  Kalokers. Abnormal. 

IMO, the manager BFF is far happier than this big spender BFF.
So there, people in the lap of luxury, with all their trappings of wealth -- can be unhappy.
Some, like my mom, will say:  At least, she is suffering  in comfort.
OhMyGag. 

Being married doesn't  mean you put your brains in the freezer.   
It doesn't mean you surrender your need for Self Expression & Self Determination to your spouse.
Moreover,
IMO, madali manipa nang tao if you think that person can't answer your question:  What  can you do about that?
IMO,  napakahirap if -- pagsinipa ka, hindi ka makasipa back.
But that's all  just my opinion.

Your Choice. 
X-TINE, IMO -- ASAP, make Life Adjustments s o that you will not reach the point you must make
Life-Changing Decisions.
PRAY for Divine Guidance & the Courage to act.

[k_heart]

^he!he! Sis, ang ganda ng advise mo, may chismis pa on the side! ha!ha!ha!

Now sis X-tine, act ka na asap. Wag magpatumpik-tumpik! Habang maaga pa, action na agad. wag na patagalin.

Personally, my life is better when i got married, mas masarap mamasyal and yes, hindi ako sakal ng hubby ko 'coz i have my own work. I'm not dependent on him but i love him! : )

[nageinna]

medyo can relate ako with some of your posts kasi we have similarities. im also 23yo now and just gotten married two weeks ago

1. parents - i agree with our other sis here baka naman may bad experience talaga si hubby with your parents kaya ganon nalang his resentment towards them? ako i had issues naman with my inlaws before. super traumatic din siya. and I'm not the type of person na after mo gawan ng masama eh mabait parin ako sayo. hubby talked to his parents ulit, ayon nahimasmasan. i can say naman ngayon na good terms na ko with them. sakin kasi since family oriented talaga ko important for me na ok ako kina inlaws and canon din si hubby with my parents. baka rin kasi sis unto now hindi parin pinapa feel ni parents mo kay hubby na welcome na siya? kaya siguro hindi parin niya sila maforgive? talk to your parents siguro muna. I'm sure naman kung nafeel na ni hubby na ok na parents mo with him lalambot din yan.

2. almost same sitch din tayo here, i left our fam business after i got married and dun na ko sa family ni hubby tumutulong. like you, until friday lang ako nun. and hawak ko pa oras ko. wala akong sinusunod na ofc hours. pero now buti ka pa until sat lang, samin until sunday! and ako pa gumagawa ng chores sa bahay. meron silang maids but i chose to clean our own house kasi. pag sa laba and luto sila helper nila gumagawa. eto siguro isa sa mega adjustments ko pag lipat ko sakanila. and nag argue kami ng bongga rito. but i realized tama naman si hubby. as early as now i need to learn the business kasi sa amin din iiwan ng parents niya to in the future. eto rin yung bubuhay samin and sa magiging anak namin in the future. for my alone time, pag gusto ko naman lumabas pinapayagan ako ni hubby. pero siyempre you have to know your priorities. hindi pwede yung lalabas ka kung kelan mo lang gusto. you have to accept the fact na priorities change now that you're married and responsibilities just got bigger and heavier.

3-4. regarding travelling and shopping, before we got married, i usually travel with hubby na talaga. lahat ng out of the country ko siya kasama ko. we both enjoy travelling. i know hindi na kami madalas pwede lumabas or mag happy happy. but ang sabi ko sakanya at least once a year dapat meron kaming travel outside PH. sa shopping, whether we like it or not, we have to spend less sa pag shoshopping kasi now that we're married mas madaming dapat pagkagastusan. again, that's setting and knowing your priorities. etong mga ganitong bagay, once nag asawa ka na, eto yung madalas na sasacrifice. wala naman masama if we travel/spend less, lalo na kung para sa family naman natin mapupunta savings natin.

5. i agree with our other sissies. walang masama kung kukunin mo kay hubby mo yung salary mo after all hardwork mo din yun. bakit ka naman matatakot magtanong? hindi naman siguro magagalit si hubby. avoid lang the tone na parang pinagdududahan mo siya regarding sa salary. explain mo sakanya mabuti, like pano kung wala siya lets say may business trip ng matagal saan ka kukuha ng pera? hindi naman pwede credit card lagi. tapos may baby na kayo right? pano if biglang need ng money for the baby. those things. paintindi mo lang sakanya. for sure maiintindihan naman niya.

im still adjusting sa married life sis, just like you i asked my self couple of times narin nung engaged palang kami if ready na ba talaga ko since 23yo palang ako. kung willing na ba ko igive up yung single life ko. and here i am. hindi madali to be honest especially now nasa adjustment period pa ko ang dami nang rough roads, but i try to be as open minded as possible. and iniisip ko narin magiging future baby namin, gusto ko once dumating na siya, she'll live a good and comfortable life just like what my parents gave me, and before ko magawa yun, i know i have to sacrifice alot of things.

goodluck sis! talk to hubby. wala naman mawawala