Guys, do you feel bothered by your wife/gf's sexual past?

[jepoy22]

^^ just wondering if there is an intention to hide the past... imho, your partner deserves the right to know your past to give the opportunity to accept over it and move on.  (However, this statement may not be applicable to all.)

I feel that if my gf is hiding it from me, and learn about it elsewhere, then i'd be hurt more.. (wa, ang soft ko )

[Naughty^GuRu]

^^ just wondering if there is an intention to hide the past... imho, your partner deserves the right to know your past to give the opportunity to accept over it and move on.  (However, this statement may not be applicable to all.)

I feel that if my gf is hiding it from me, and learn about it elsewhere, then i'd be hurt more.. (wa, ang soft ko )

Pero dude, why do you need to know her past? baka maging paranoid or mag-iba na yung tingin mo sa GF mo pag nalaman mo. 

[hot_chili]

^agree, then some guys eh isusumbat yung nalaman nila na yun lalo na if they want to end the relationship. which doesnt make sense dahil past na nga. if nilihim ng gf yung sexual past nya and you learned about it from someone else, it should NEVER change anything between the two of you

there are some things better left unsaid, but of course its different if in the past you were a man and now your a woman you have to tell your boyfriend immediately 

[Naughty^GuRu]

there are some things better left unsaid, but of course its different if in the past you were a man and now your a woman you have to tell your boyfriend immediately 

bigla ko tinext significant other ko. asking for pics nung bata pa siya. 

[cha_kobi]

some things are best kept quiet and other need to be revealed only when the need arises i.e. if marriage is in the pipeline.

If your bf/gf just want to know your past for knowing sake then how is that going to add to the relationship and then if things dont work out, the whole world ends up knowing all your intimate secrets especially if it is a bad break up.

so better talaga, wag na lang..

[jepoy22]

I am kinda sad to see that the points raised are valid, but mainly based on the possibility of the couple breaking up.
Ewan ko, maybe i am just too optimistic/serious in thinking that i have started dating in considering of marriage, thus i am did/doing my best (even if it kills me[just an exaggeration]) to preserve the relationship.
With that in mind, i have no intention to hide anything from my partner.. with open communication, understanding, and faithfulness to each other, i think it'll be alright..

(although i am actually reaping some negative stuff i had sown due to my being frank..   but ill do my best in dealing with it)

sorry if it kinda went ot.

[janix athena]

Jepoy it's ok, don't be sad. Different strokes for different folks ika nga. May kilala akong guys na intentionally hindi nagtatanong kasi they believe what they don't know won't hurt them. Meron din naman tayong guytalker who wrote:

the past becomes a major issue for men when they would know about it after they fell in love. it is like a stab on the back. a betrayal. thus, if you have a past, share it before  making the commitments. if you were not able to share ahead, dont share forever. - by bro TuscanSun.

So I guess being guys you would have control over whether you would like to ask about a girl's past or not. The problem would be kung sadyang magsinungaling si girl. That would be fraud and is a ground for annulment. Tama ba ako sa interpretation ng law?

Art. 45 of The Family Code of the Philippines states 6 grounds by which the court can annul a marriage. (one of which is:)

Fraud. That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party once having knowledge of the fraud freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The petition must be filed within five (5) of finding out the facts of the fraud.

So bilang girl (halimbawang may past ako) mahirap din mag-discern whether to volunteer that information with the guy or not because he can use it against me. But if he asks, I would definitely be truthful. Mahirap namang mahal nya ang isang false image ko at hindi kung sino ako talaga.

[dca201]

Jepoy it's ok, don't be sad. Different strokes for different folks ika nga. May kilala akong guys na intentionally hindi nagtatanong kasi they believe what they don't know won't hurt them. Meron din naman tayong guytalker who wrote:

the past becomes a major issue for men when they would know about it after they fell in love. it is like a stab on the back. a betrayal. thus, if you have a past, share it before  making the commitments. if you were not able to share ahead, dont share forever. - by bro TuscanSun.

So I guess being guys you would have control over whether you would like to ask about a girl's past or not. The problem would be kung sadyang magsinungaling si girl. That would be fraud and is a ground for annulment. Tama ba ako sa interpretation ng law?

Art. 45 of The Family Code of the Philippines states 6 grounds by which the court can annul a marriage. (one of which is:)

Fraud. That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party once having knowledge of the fraud freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The petition must be filed within five (5) of finding out the facts of the fraud.

So bilang girl (halimbawang may past ako) mahirap din mag-discern whether to volunteer that information with the guy or not because he can use it against me. But if he asks, I would definitely be truthful. Mahirap namang mahal nya ang isang false image ko at hindi kung sino ako talaga.

Of course it has to be proven beyond reasonable doubt that fraud was indeed committed. It's not that there's a legal document or something to that effect that categorically outlines what or what not to disclose before getting married. I can't think of any jurisprudence that depicts a ruling about the number of men/women a husband/wife slept with pre-marriage.

I do agree however with the argument on fraud. It's just it is defined as a deception, deliberately carried out to further one's interest for undue gain. How can you claim undue gain in a relationship by not telling/hiding one's sexual past? It's not that a relationship is a legally binding contract--marriage is. When you get married, you have to be in a relationship first and it's moot (at least for me) that two consenting adults are to get married whereby in full understanding/awareness of what they are to get into.

What am saying is thee shouldn't hide behind technicality when in fact, it is a sexual past. It is a big deal for some while moot for others. We must exercise our rights to hear, be heard and keep silent about the past.

[janix athena]

^I stand corrected bro dca201. This is an excerpt from a law firm's website

http://www.gtalawphil.com/Philippine%20Annulment%20101_1.htm

"Q. My wife fooled me into marrying her. Prior to our marriage, she told me that she is a doctor and no sexual experience After our marriage, I found out the truth that she is not what she claims to be. Can I file a Petition for annulment on the ground of fraud?

GTALAW: We truly understand your feelings but misrepresentation or deceit as to character, health, rank, fortune or chastity do not constitute fraud as ground for annulment. Perhaps, you can explore the possibility to declare your marriage void on other grounds such as the psychological incapacity under Article 36 of the Family Code."

We must exercise our rights to hear, be heard and keep silent about the past.

Agree. And we should also be clear whether "being silent" about the past is the same as "being deceptive" about the past.

[dca201]

And we should also be clear whether "being silent" about the past is the same as "being deceptive" about the past.

For whatever reasons the silence maybe, that doesn't and shouldn't deprive us of our choice to exercise the same. This is where perception management kicks in.

[jepoy22]

the first time i read dca201's posts, it felt very logical and made sense.. however, i'm not too sure what his stand on the thread topic...it felt quite neutral.

i guess, i also kinda agree with janix's posts and quotes

[jepoy22]

on another note, yahoo news made an article similar to the thread topic

http://ph.she.yahoo.com/men-slept-055000522.html

[avd]

guy here
yep i used to be bothered by my gf's sexual past..it took a while for me to accept the fact that she isnt a virgin anymore...hehe

[plumpolka]

I think all guys will be bothered with their gf/wife's sexual past. The real question is if they are willing to accept it. My dad pursued my mom even if he knew na she already has 3 children (her ex-husband died na kasi). Guess what? We are still a happy family, 6 siblings and were raised like we're 100% magkakapatid 3 on 3 para di daw magselos dad ko, may set a and set b. Hahaha. That's what i call true love.

On the otherhand, sa generation ngayon, i dont think uso pa ngayon ang mga lalaking ganito. Si bf nga, sobra makaimbento ng mga sexual past ko, e wala naman talaga. Madami ako ex pero hanggang kiss lang noon, i dont think its considered sexual past naman din.. i dont know why he's being so imaginative.

[dca201]

I think all guys will be bothered with their gf/wife's sexual past. The real question is if they are willing to accept it. My dad pursued my mom even if he knew na she already has 3 children (her ex-husband died na kasi). Guess what? We are still a happy family, 6 siblings and were raised like we're 100% magkakapatid 3 on 3 para di daw magselos dad ko, may set a and set b. Hahaha. That's what i call true love.

On the otherhand, sa generation ngayon, i dont think uso pa ngayon ang mga lalaking ganito. Si bf nga, sobra makaimbento ng mga sexual past ko, e wala naman talaga. Madami ako ex pero hanggang kiss lang noon, i dont think its considered sexual past naman din.. i dont know why he's being so imaginative.

Good stuff.

[interruptedz]

based on my experience.nahirapan akong tanggapin nung una na ang fiancee ko has "several" hook ups before.pero syempre if you truly love a person, you wont be bothered by her past.sounds cliche haha. immature kasi and stupid to judge womans character based on her past sexual experiences. its the pride/ego lang talaga yan.

[xenos54]

based on my experience.nahirapan akong tanggapin nung una na ang fiancee ko has "several" hook ups before.pero syempre if you truly love a person, you wont be bothered by her past.sounds cliche haha. immature kasi and stupid to judge womans character based on her past sexual experiences. its the pride/ego lang talaga yan.

it feels good that there are guys who are like this..
who have a better understanding and can accept that there are things that are driven by pride/ego instead of romantic feelings.. 

[kittyinpink]

i'm a girl. before, yes. my bf had sexual affairs before that when i knew about it, i really got jealous. even got to a point that i cried. haha! pero of course, before ko siya naging bf, i knew about it na but not to the point that i knew the girls faces and names. it took some time until i got over it. well, bakit ba kasi ako mgseselos? ako na [textspeak!] gf niya. wala na siyang connection with them and that was a looonnng time ago. so why would I bother? i feel secured with him and i always feel that i'm the only girl he loves. so i think i shouldn't waste time thinking of his past.

for guys, i think yes. when my bf knew i had sex with my ex bf before, he got so jealous and nagalit siya dun sa ex ko. haha! sinabihan pa nya ako na "akin ka lang". eh kasi ngtatanong siya about it one time so sympre sinabi ko kaya ayun. pero like me, it also took him time to accept it. sympre, gsto nyo kau ang makauna sa isa't isa pero hndi ganun eh. you just have to trust each other and make each other feel secured na wala na un, tapos na. ngyon siya lang talaga at wala ng iba 

[donzski_doinks]

buti nalang ako first sexual experience ni future husbie ko kaya wala ak0ng ganyang issue s kanya. Pero sya, he gets jealous with my previous ex who happens to be the 1st man i made love with. I find it awkward kapag after namin mag do, he would ask questions like "am i bigger/better?" "does your ex do this/that to you?" "does he satisfy you more than I do?" yung mga ganun...nakakaasar lang. Naiintindihan ko naman kung saan nanggagagling yung insecurity nya...pero there is n0thing to compare naman. Past na un e!

[xenos54]

buti na lang talaga wala kaming tanungan ni SO bout sexual past..
kasi yun nga lang ex-crush niya eh pinagseselosan ko.. (pero in lambing mode lang naman) what more kung yung past sexual experience pa..
and im glad na di niya din ako tinatanong bout sa past ko..