How to turn down a nice guy

[Girltalker2]

dito ko na pinost because I want to hear also from the guys.

I just started dating this year.  I am seeing this nice guy, good company. I like him as a friend and I keep on telling him I am not yet ready to commit.  But he keeps on asking bakit hindi puede maging kami na. Of course, I can think of a long list of why not. And simply put, I still dont feel the butterflies in my stomach (I guess).  But he has been a good company.

Now I am in a dilemma na feeling ko masyado na syang na-a-attach sakin. It has been clear from the start what I want - (company) and he said he is good with it.  Pero lately, laging nagtatanong na how is your date, sino. Then laging may patama na lagi ka naman busy dating kaya hindi ka mahagilap. Things like that. 

I just want to have a nice time enjoying single life.  I don't want any of these drama. He is a nice guy.  Ok lang ba sabihin - it is best we dont see each other anymore?     the mere thought of saying this to him, makes me kinda sad at the same time. But isn't it the best for both of us?

[Stella_r]

No matter how you say it or how you get your message across, he will get hurt. You just have to do it unless you want to be dragged into something you don't want and waste your time. Be honest with him, you at least owe him that.
You will both get over it eventually.

[koalaa]

I experienced this before and lesson learned is wag ng patagalin kung wala ka namang nararamdaman umpisa palang. Habang tumatagal na nice/attach ka sakanya, he will expect. Umiwas ka na habang maaga pa. Like if gusto ka nyang ihatid, tell him that you can manage going home alone, if he gives you chocolates or flowers, tell him it is better if he'll gave it to hes mom, stuffs like that. Pero syempre, tell him in a nice way, yung naka smile para hindi nakaka offend at maintindihan nya. Then be honest in what you feel sa lahat ng itatanong nya. Wag kang ma pressure. Just watch your words and be thoughtful.

[sugar n spice]

^^agree. you just have to be honest and nice. It's ok to say "no, thank you". 

[Girltalker2]

Thanks mga sis.

Kaya ako nahihirapan sabihin because there is this part of me that will miss him as a friend.  Have enjoyed his company but I guess ang nararamdaman ko if I am with him is not enough for me to give up my freedom, at this point.  I was hoping that in the future, baka my feelings can evolve.  Kasi based on experience, meron akong guy na dinate na sobrang ayaw ko. But then at some point, nagustuhan ko sya.  So inisip ko baka puede with him. Pero ngayon na nag-iinarte na agad sya sa getting-to-know-you stage palang, parang nakakasakal ata.

Nasa sa kanya na dapat yun how he will take it, but so far, hindi maganda ang nagiging reaction nya sa mga No ko. Dito ako nakokonsyensya. Or pa-effect lang yan ng mga lalaki para mapapayag ka nya?

[twelve5]

Thats part of their game plan minsan. Pa-awa effect. Dont fall for that.

You should say YES to a guy because you love him, not because you pity him.

[ohcmon]

Whenever a guy does this to me, hindi ko na lang pinapansin. It may be harsh pero pag inexplain ko pa kasi sa kanila, masasaktan din naman sila plus magpipilit na why can't we work this out etc. so to save myself from all those drama, I just stay away. They usually get the message naman.

[TuscanSun]

dont expect the guy to throw a party when you say no to him. also, the pa-awa effect is practically natural specially for the nice type of guys (wala din masyado pride siguro). but be fair to him and to yourself by putting down the cards on the table while it is still early.

[Frixxie]

Ako i dont answer his call [textspeak!] and PM....
Was trying sana to work things out with him pero hello ang drama talaga...
Gusto kagad kasal! Eh takot nga ako magpakasal...

Anyway, just ignore him...

[lyon]

say it straight to him.  bahala na si batman on how he takes it. at any point same effect din naman yun sa kanya. masasayang lang yung time mo at mental effect sayo habang pinapatagal mo yan.

clear naman ang conscience mo eh, wag kang padala sa paawa effect nya. it's psychological tactic!

[dca201]

dito ko na pinost because I want to hear also from the guys.

I just started dating this year.  I am seeing this nice guy, good company. I like him as a friend and I keep on telling him I am not yet ready to commit.  But he keeps on asking bakit hindi puede maging kami na. Of course, I can think of a long list of why not. And simply put, I still dont feel the butterflies in my stomach (I guess).  But he has been a good company.

Now I am in a dilemma na feeling ko masyado na syang na-a-attach sakin. It has been clear from the start what I want - (company) and he said he is good with it.  Pero lately, laging nagtatanong na how is your date, sino. Then laging may patama na lagi ka naman busy dating kaya hindi ka mahagilap. Things like that. 

I just want to have a nice time enjoying single life.  I don't want any of these drama. He is a nice guy.  Ok lang ba sabihin - it is best we dont see each other anymore?     the mere thought of saying this to him, makes me kinda sad at the same time. But isn't it the best for both of us?

Goodbye is goodbye. However you say it, whatever the manner by which you convey it, it's still goodbye. Once the guy hears the spiel, bottom line is, it's still goodbye.

Meanwhile, I think it's just prim and proper for you to cut the rope already since expectations were set (per your post) with the guy early on. Assuming na siya that he's already 'licensed' to go on with the probes on your dates etc. when in fact, he's not.

Putting an end to the drama now will be a 'win-win' for both of you. You'll steer clear of the guilty feeling and he'll move on.

[akthung]

behind every nice guy is a man with a nice personality. (supposedly kaya nga nice guy eh)  and basically, people when they want to settle down or be in something stable end up with nice people. (generally). so behind every nice guy or girl is an golden opportunity.


so...how long have you known him? how deep have you known him?

If you want to be fair to a nice guy, try him out. give it a date or two or so. its up to you how see the real Him.

after that, if you really can't be with him then let him know "I ve given it a try, we can't really jive...at least sweetie, I've given it a try"

then make a clear cut...with firm resolution.

at least at the end your conscience is clean and clear.

but what if he's okay naman pala?

I've had my share of female friends who have made mistakes by having not tried this or that guy; having chosen the wrong person. (kakairita din when they whine) ang pagsisisi ay nasa huli. and yung iba, 2 or even 3 years nang umaasa na babalik. but sorry, nice guy moved on.

when you're young, there always a chance to get back, (but in a limited way) but when you reach a certain age, you can't turn time back or even wish that you be given another chance to meet him again or even get to talk to him again.

this is an out of the box suggestion. if you really don't like him as in hundred twenty percent, just cut the link between you. cutting it in the early stages is better so his feelings will not grow, the bigger his feelings the more painful it will be for him.

when he's settled with reality or has found someone else. then you can go back to being his friend if the both of you choose to.

[franc1sgmp]

maski lalake ako, i never really understood how guys can force themselves into a relationship with a girl. parang, its kinda senseless. kung ayaw, eh di ayaw.


hmm but I dont know...what do i know...i could be wrong.

[enilec]

I think the reason why some guys can be really persistent is the fact that sometimes, their persistence do pay off. imo, girls are the ones who are able to change their minds and reconsider a guy, even if they  don't have any feeling for that particular guy right off the bat. We gotta admit, may mga girls kasi na nadadaan sa tyaga at sweetness ng mga guys

Sis, baka kaya ka kinukulit ni nice guy is because somehow, nararamdaman nya na may chance siya sayo If ayaw mo talaga siya bigyan ng chance, be very blunt and firm about it. Make him see na "No, it can't happen between us. Period." Also, be wary of sending mixed signals (like saying na gusto mo maging single, instead making amin the fact na hindi mo siya type) cos guys (specially yung mga umaasa) can easily fall for that. When dealing with a persistent guy, always remember to just be straightforward about things. When he finally understands na you're a lost case, i'm sure he'll eventually turn around.

[dheive]

^ agree! baka kaya sya ganyan kapursigido eh nasense nya na he has a chance pero sa tingin nya eh hindi mo lang marealize yung fact na yun. kaya isipin mo mabuti kung bet mo ba talaga sya ... had that experience as in super nice guy kasundo and all pero wala hindi ko talaga sya bet.... and kung ako sa iyo sabihin mo na sa kanya directly... ngaun nasa guy na yun kung panu nya iaaccept yun if he's genteman enough to accept his defeat... at ano itong nabasa ko na nagpaparinig sya? am i sensing a hard loser type???

[jtansanco]

Just tell it straight to him. It's better to hurt the guy rather than to make the "paasa" effect.

[Chinito]

Kung nahihirapan ka , edi daanin mo muna sa joke.. jokes are have meant. so pag di pa niya na gets yon.. pasensya na sya.. hahah

[akthung]

may mga nakakalusot din kasi na nice guys....tipong "omg, you've been there for me all these years.."
then sa nice guy na magsesettle.

lalo na sa pinoy culture, laging malakas ang emphasis sa exception kesa sa norm.

kaya the nice guys naman, todo asa. hanggat hindi kasal, sige ng sige.

but one of the many good ways talaga is to stop him AGAD at the door.

later maiisip din niya, "ay buti na lang, else nagsayang ako ng effort, pera at panahon".

pera pwedeng kitain, effort...welll everybody can do that. marami naman magaling mag kunwari,

ang panahon, hindi na mababalik. yun ang golden.

may kilala ako na nice guy nga eh, grabe, dekada na atang bumuntot. eto naman kasi si babae, parang ginagamit din. kahit iba iba na dinadate at kinakama ni babae, tuloy pa din.

ngayon nag asawa na ata si babae. yung more than a decade na asa, down the drain.

[Girltalker2]

Thanks for all your inputs!

Ang tagal ko na pala napost ito.  2 yrs ago pa itong post, during that time I just started dating. It was a new stage in my life since 4 years nako hiwalay sa asawa ko and realized that I may still have a chance to find love. Life begins at 40 ikanga.  But little did I know how to handle such situations at hindi ko nga din iyan na-experience nung bata pako.   

Anyway, just to update you guys, I eventually told him rin at that time.  When I initially met him, I was upfront about my status "dating" but not sure if I am ready for commitments.  We started dating around Feb/March.  And nipost ko ito May. 

Ngayon I know better narin how to handle such things.  After dating for 6 months, I went on exclusive dating with a guy I really liked.  BF ko na sya now. 

[akthung]

Bravo! Good on ya!

well, sometimes threads like this help other people din, unless ma lock at ma delete.

more power to you sis.

best of life to you!