Obligasyon ba talaga ng anak na buhayin ang magulang after nilang makapagtapos?

[vermich]

This is one thing I do not get in the Filipino culture.. I think it boils down to ''utang na loob'' Sorry I've seen this in too many teleserye plots, sasbihin ng magulang na walang utang na loob na kung hindi dahil sa aming magulang mo wala ka sa magandang buhay ngayon.. 

It's quite sad since it was never na obligation of a child to support his/ her parent when they grow old, maybe take care of them when they finally retire. But parents should also think of their retirement once kids are out of the nest din naman. Kung ang parents ay magsacrifice ngretirement nila to pay for kids education (remember education is a right of your kids) then its a risk they took to fulfuill an obligation pero inturn they cannot tell the child that they are now oblige to take care of them kasi matanda na kami at dapat suklian mo pagaaruga namin sa iyo nung bata ka pa.

Taking care of your parents is not an supposed to be done out of obligation but out of love and gratitude who supported their kids. Mas masarap yun di ba? In turn we becoe a very good example to our own children how we wanted to be treate when we get old ourselves. 

[ducky]

What about this scenario:

Profile: Female-Middle child as bread winner, parents separated, Dad has another family, and got bankrupt; mother is a housewife (never worked). 

1. After graduation, the daughter (middle child) provided for most of the expenses at home (cable, % of the rent at home, grocery, electricity, water). 10K to be exact, she was earning 11K only inshort she became the bread winner. The daughter lost all her personal savings she saved over the years as a student (6 digits) to support the mother and youngest sibling.  The father stopped providing money/allowances 2 years after she graduated.

2. The older sibling would seldom provide allowances. the mother would only occasionally ask money from him because he has his own family and she already borrowed 200k and never paid back

3. On top of the monthly allowance, the daughter would also take care of the enrollment fee of the younger sibling on his last year in college which be around 40k/trimester.

4. Fast forward to 10 years, daughter still provides the same amount and the youngest sibling is now working. Load should be a lighter, right? Nope - Apparently, the mother got a million pesos kick-back from her previous investments and decided to buy a house worth 4Million. (this was the reason why she was amassing money from the siblings so she can retain the investment and later retrieve it)

5.  The dilemma is:
- mother used daughter's name/details to loan a house
- daughter will be married soon, and also needs to co-loan the house she and fiancé plans on buying for their own
- daughter ask mother if she can rest for a couple of months in providing the usual 10K allowance to save up for the house, use the million peso saving first for their monthly expenditures but mother didn't take it well, demanded that she continue providing the allowance for the reason that she wants to save the money for the future.
The youngest sibling is siding with the mother. thinks the "Ate" is being selfish.
- the mother is asking why can't the fiancé shoulder the expenses of the wedding and housing alone, so the daughter can still continue providing the same amount.
- the fiancé is ok with the allowance but hopes that the amount can be lowered somehow.

So how do you handle a situation like this? IMHO, supporting is ok esp. but obliging is another thing.

[vermich]

@ducky its better for the breadwinner to let them know that she too has plans for herself -- having her own family that she can provide. [textspeak!] bang lifestyle ng mother nya at hindi makuntento sa 10k? Breadwinner should better let them know and put her foot down that fine i'll give this amount only, cut the expenses kasi I am saving up for myself as well. Relationships maybe severed pero lilipas din yan. They soon will realize na hindi hawak ang mga anak or obligation ng anak na buhayin sila para suklian ang pag aaruga sa kanila. Same goes for us.

Sa younger sibling, she's already working. Anong lifestyle meron yan? Better live within her means hindi sobra sa kinikita nya. She should be also taught how she can help with the househild expenses.Medyo nawili ata si mother and younger sibling kasi the breadwinner let them have their way for so long.

[xtine]

^Sis, for me if I really don't have any love for my parents (because they left us, never gave support, etc) then I don't think I will wholeheartedly give them support simply because I was on my own, didn't need them or I never felt loved by them.

In this case, I do understand why a lot of us does not want to be obligated to extend support. 

[zu_0420]

I think paano ka magrespond sa tanong na 'to also depends on paano ka pinalaki ng mga magulang mo. Ako naman I also give back, pero yung ano lang talaga kaya ko. Sometimes kasi, inaassume nila na tutal nakapagtapos na, siya na bahala magpaaral sa mga kapatid, etc. Which shouldn't be the matter. It's not an obligation sis. And you're not supposed to give with a doubtful heart. Kung nagdedemand sila sayo tapos wala ka naman talagang maibigay, always remember din naman na our parents also need to learn that bearing children into this world is not a means of paninigurado na may bubuhay sa kanila by the time na tumanda na sila. Responsibility pa rin nila na turuan ka kung paano ka tatayo sa sarili mong mga paa. Pabor ako sa pagtulong, pero wala rin naman ako against sa pagdadamot. From my own personal experience, mas nakapag-ipon pa ako nung lumabas na ako ng bahay namin kesa andun ako. Kung Fresh Grad ka nga naman, tapos nagsisimula, then sayo agad kuryente na worth 6k a month, sayo yung tubig, sayo yung sa mga katulong, pati needs mo, ikaw na rin. Paano ka nga ba naman makakabangon niyan? That's why it's totally up to the person. Nothing is wrong whether you choose one or the other. Those who judge don't know your own personal situation. So I suggest you pray, and you adjust your budget.

[girl24]

^so agree!!! kasi sa akin it is not an obligation, one does it for love. o sabihin na natin na utang na loob o sige kahit karma na lang. good karma for the parents that they provided, loved and took care of their kids kaya susuklian sila ng ganon.

[chubbycheeks]

I think hindi sya obligasyon but something you do out of love. Pero pet peeve ko is when i hear parents refer to their child and say, "siya na lang ang pag-asa namin para makaahon." Admittedly, i ofter hear this when watching noontime shows na may pa-contest or something.  I hope they don't mean it and are just saying it to appeal to the judges' pity. Kawawa naman ang bata.

[quinone]

minsan kailangan i-practice ang "tough love" kasi may bad habits yung ibang magulang na umaasa sa anak because they are lazy, nag-anak ng marami para iahon sila sa kahirapan, ipinapasa yung obligasyon nila sa anak sa iba nilang anak, atbp. reasons.

if you see your family helping themselves, then contribute; otherwise, don't help. but not helping does not necessarily mean you do not love them. huwag magpa-abuso. ito medyo harsh siguro pero as we are growing older for me ang mga excess baggage/negative people dapat dahan-dahan iniiwan, and unfortunately sometimes this includes relatives/family.

[poochai]

i have the same scenario mga sis. "required" ako na magbayad ng electric bills namin sa bahay ng parents ko kahit na may sarili na kong pamilya. na dumating kami ng husband ko sa point na nakipisan kami ulit sa kanila dahil pregnant na ko and kung mag rent kami tapos kami pa magbayad ng kuryente wala na kaming ma save for my panganganak. and now na mag 2 years old na si baby, we want to move out na dahil mas lalo nila kaming sinasakal. hindi nalang kuryente kundi pati groceries kami padin. puro pa sumbat naririnig naming mag asawa kapag wala kaming nabbigay sa kanila. they are my parents pero minsan parang sobra na.

[gharz412]

As for me naman, As we all know hiningi tayo or humingi tayo ng anak so i don't think na kailangan nilang mag obliga na after mo mpatapos anak mo agad2 skanya nakasalalay na buhayin ka ng anak mo ang mismong anak ang magkukusa niyan lalo na satin dito family oriented so andun lagi yung kusang pagtulong sa magulang bilang pasasalamat na napatapos at nagawa niyang magpalaki ng maayos...

[ikaela]

^^You are still living under your parents' roof, so it's just fair that you pay them rent, be it in the form of paying electricity bills, groceries, or actual money. That's not about the child supporting the parents anymore. That's just about paying what is due, especially that you also have your husband and your child there in your parents' house with you.

[izabelle]

i have the same scenario mga sis. "required" ako na magbayad ng electric bills namin sa bahay ng parents ko kahit na may sarili na kong pamilya. na dumating kami ng husband ko sa point na nakipisan kami ulit sa kanila dahil pregnant na ko and kung mag rent kami tapos kami pa magbayad ng kuryente wala na kaming ma save for my panganganak. and now na mag 2 years old na si baby, we want to move out na dahil mas lalo nila kaming sinasakal. hindi nalang kuryente kundi pati groceries kami padin. puro pa sumbat naririnig naming mag asawa kapag wala kaming nabbigay sa kanila. they are my parents pero minsan parang sobra na.

The best way is bumukod sis. Mahirap talaga kapag nasa iisang bahay lang kayo lahat. Kapag may pamilya ng sarili, mas ok may sarili kayong place.. That way hindi ka obligado na magbigay ng sobra sa ginagamit nyo.

[mslcgrey]

sis poochai, like sis ikaela i think it is only fair that you share some of the financial responsibility if nakikitira kayo with your parents whether afford or not ng parents mo na solohin nila iyon. if nakaseparate kayo, then you have to pay for rent, electricity, water, and food aside pa sa mga needs ni baby.
but to be fair also with you, is it just your parents who are with you or my siblings ka pa na nakatira din sa house nyo? if parents lang, ano naman ang share nila? if may siblings ka pa, are they still studying kaya wala pa silang contribution or if working meron din ba silang share?
i can sort of relate with you. when hubby and i are still waiting for approval of our housing loan para makalipat na kami sa house namin, sa house din ng mom ko with my siblings kami nakatira. may agreement kami na may monthly share kami sa bahay which will cover the costs of our electric bill and food. though, we still do buy separate food for our baon ni hubby and of course toiletries. unfortunately lang, i have one sis who is not able to give her share and her daughter kasi wala naman siya regular na work. si mama ang sort of sumalo sa share niya but medyo unfair pa rin kasi sila maghapon na sa bahay so sila talaga yung malaking consumption sa kuryente and others.

[Angelite]

I know some parents who are very demanding to their children even though they were not supportive to their kids in the past. Eto yung unfair I think.

[nicola_juliano]

In my case, Parents not demanding, not an obligation, but kusa ako nagbigay. However, what I'm very disappointed is my elder sister didn't give ANYTHING to our house although her babies living here. I'm the youngest, we're 2. Yeah, so angry about the situation but I will soon leave the house even my fiance's house is not yet done. I decided to rent out. Live independently.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

We're fairly blessed to be in a situation wherein taking care of finances for Parents has never been a concern. It's not to say that our parents and their families always had so much, but moreso that they had a definite plan for the future. So, my eldest brother helps Mum. My second brother and myself are working in professions that we like. While my twin brother is still out figuring out gis life. We only end up giving back to Mum through gifts. If it's monetary, our Mum would always say... save it for your future because I don't want you running back to me saying you don't have money.

[FayeP]

hindi, ito ang mali sa culture natin eh...parang karamihan dito pinalaki na sinasabihan na "o paglaki mo, kami naman ang tulungan mo"

although sa part naman ng nanay ko, never nya to sinabi sa min, ang sa kanya, paglaki nyo kun gusto nyo ako tulungan nasa inyo yun...

but since ako ay nakatapos sa pag aaral at wala naman din cya aasahan iba, eh di help ko na lang din cya tutal nanay ko naman...but Im doing it out of love, not because I feel I'm obligated...

[may12]

Reading some of the situations here made me love my parents more. 

Sobrang dami naming magkakapatid, and we're not even rich. Pero nakapagtapos na kami lahat ngayon pero yung parents namin, kahit nasa retiring age na sila, never nila kami in-obliga na buhayin sila. They are still earning on their own (they were able to make investments dati kahit maliit lang sahod ni father ko, at housewife lang mother ko, not to mention pinapaaral pa nila kaming lahat noon). Nakakatawa pa nga father ko kasi hanggang ngayon minsan tinatanong niya ako kung may pera pa ba ako. I keep insisting to him na I make my own money na.  I guess he still thinks I'm still his baby girl. So pag nag-aabot kaming magkakapatid sa kanila ngayon, it's out of pure love lang talaga. Which makes us feel better.

So para sa akin hindi din naman yan about sa maraming anak. Nasa mindset parin ng parents if they will take full responsibility na pagtapusin mga anak nila. (Dati naranasan pa ng papa ko na magbenta ng mga anik-anik like nail cutters sa mga bahay-bahay)


May naging flatmate naman ako dati. Tatlo lang silang magkapatid. Her mother is working aborad simula pa nung elementary sila. And now, apparently, wala pa ring ipon parents niya. My flatmate is a single mom who has 2 young kids. PEro aside sa pera na binibigay niya for her kids, siya rin nagpapaaral sa kapatid niya (ino-obliga siya ng parents niya porke akala nila malaki sahod niya dahil dito siya sa Manila nagwo-work). Pati sa allowance siya. At dahil hindi naman malaki sahod niya, lagi talaga siyang kapos. Nakakaawa lang kasi minsan ni wala na siyang makain. Minsan nahihiya siyang sabihin sa amin. Pero pag napansin namin, shene-share-an nalang namin siya ng food.


So it's sad lang na some parents don't take proper investments or plan for the future, at ang mga anak pa tuloy nila ang nagigipit.

[Girltalker2]

^ I think somehow as their kids, at mas nakapag-aral compared to them, may obligation tayo to support them, not necessarily financially lang. It's more on saying No for a good reason. It could be challenging in a way kasi matatanda na sila and most often ayaw magpangaral. Pero yun ang challenge for us, paano huminde respectfully and reasonable na maintindihan nila.

[phurple0515]

ako naman, I am doing it for my parents because I want them to experience a good life na nong lumalaki kami ng sister ko, pahirapan minsan san kukuha ng perang gagastusin.  there are times na i feel like nakakapagod,etc.  now that my father is getting his pension, medyo nakakatulong din kung pano pero i tell him na wag galawin yong sa pension niya para in case of emergency me madudukot.

minsan lang nakaka-frustrate din kasi yong tipong nakakapagod din mag-isip ng para sa iba.  yong gusto mo naman isipin sarili mo pero gaya sa case ng mother ko, ako na rin nagsabi sa kanya to stop working kasi di na siya nakakapagpahinga. both of them are senior citizens na and gusto ko naman nasa bahay na rin lang sila.

pero at least, what i like about my parents is natitipid nila nabibigay namin ng sister ko.  culture na nga ata kasi natin to give back.  i just have to learn 'No' na lang siguro.