I think my fiance is falling for someone else..

[don em]

sis baby_chichay, i'm still alive! 

GY shift ako kaya eto gising ako sa gabi tapos tulog sa gabi.
Pero kanina di rin ako nakatulog masyado kaya eto bangenge sa work.
Hay, feels like i'm living in hell.
Ansakit sakit pag binabalik-balikan.
But don't get mad at me mga sis please, pero there's still part of me hoping we'll be ok.
But I'm determined to make sure he will really work hard to gain my trust again.

Super hirap nga yan sis... The pain seems unbearable. Pero mas masakit kung married na kayo. If he really loves you, he will make a way para maging okay ulit kayo. Wag kang magpapadala sa promises, flowers, and stuff. Ang importante marealize nya kung gaano kasakit yung ginawa nya at hindi nya kaya na makita na nasasaktan ka ng ganun. Mahirap sis if he thinks na 'minor' mistake lang yun at 'wala lang yun', kasi sayo it's a big deal. Ang tendency if he view it that way, uulit at uulit yan. ng guy kasi pag pinalampas mo, uulit at uulit.  You need time for yourself and maybe you'll discover new things about you. Lumabas ka, or better if you have time and budget go on a trip. Try a new adventure, especially yung may adrenalin rush (ziplining, canyon swing, go cart). It is better to show him na you are not running out of options. Try to stand outside your situation and take a look from there. With that mas makikita mo kung kaya mo syang makasama for the rest of your life, thinking at some point he can hurt you again. If you are sure that after this crisis, he can/will do that again to you, then he's not worth your love.

[babymeow04]

sis baby_chichay, i'm still alive! 

GY shift ako kaya eto gising ako sa gabi tapos tulog sa gabi.
Pero kanina di rin ako nakatulog masyado kaya eto bangenge sa work.
Hay, feels like i'm living in hell.
Ansakit sakit pag binabalik-balikan.
But don't get mad at me mga sis please, pero there's still part of me hoping we'll be ok.
But I'm determined to make sure he will really work hard to gain my trust again.

kahapon, he texted me saying that nahihirapan na sya, di na daw sya makaconcentrate sa work, pwede daw ba usap kami.
nung una, parang ayaw ko replayan, pero inisip ko not fair naman kasi di pa naman kami totally break na.
So i texted him that I'm also hurting. Higit pa sa nararamdaman nya. But I don't think it's best to talk now.
He said: Ok, I'll wait after 3 days as you've requested.
I said: i no longer think 3 days are enough. a week maybe.
He said: wag naman 1 week. nababaliw na daw sya. 2x na daw sya muntik mabangga sa pagda-drive..blah..blah..
I said: That only shows how selfish you are, thinking only yourself now in this situation. whereas, sa bestfriend mo, ginawa mo kahit ang mali, wag mo lang ma-hurt ang feelings nya.
(nakalimutan ko ilagay yung, that only proves me more who you really are..)
He said: Di na ako makikiapg-argue. You have every right to do it.

i still received texts from him that day like kumain na daw ako, ingat sa pagpasok, etc, pero never ko na nireplayan.

i'm thinking of meeting the girl before I talk w/ my fiance. do you think it would be a nice move?
Just want to find out if my fiance is telling the whole truth. i wanna hear her side of the story.

sis, as long as you still love each other. wag ka mapagod magbigay ng chance i read, sometime ago, sabi nila ang love daw ay hindi give and take. give and give daw that you don't expect to take back something in return.

kaya for me, hindi ako nagagalit or maiinis sayo if naiisip mo na baka may chance pa na maayos ulet kayo. hindi mo ma-assure na hindi na niya ulet magagawa to pero ano ba mas kaya mong tiisin?wala siya sa piling mo or merong bes on the side?pero siyempre mas ok kung wala diba, kaya papiliin mo siya!yamot na yamot lang ako. 

i think sinubukan niya rin naman na protektahan ka na wag ka masaktan. kaya niya binubura yung exchange of messages nila ni bes. pero haliparot si bes, kaya isumbong mo siya sa fiance niya, i think meron naman proper way para i-deliver ang news na ito sa kanya. na hindi nagmumukang nag-iskandalo ka or nagsisinungaling try asking: "alam mo ba na magbestfriend pala si bf ko at si gf mo?ok lang sayo yun?".

gusto mo ako na lang magsabi eh! =))

[manang02]

^ sis, sige na nga ikaw na magsabi.. hahaha

sa sinabi kasi ni fiance sa kin, yung girl daw yung unang nagsabi na me gusto ito sa kanya.
and yung girl din daw yung nag-offer na maging mag-bestfriend sila.
gusto ko lang malaman kung totoo ngayon coming from the girl's mouth.

re: telling the girl's fiance, i actually thought about it, pero later on, I realized ayokong manggaling sa kin. i don't think it's right that because she ruin my relationship, i would do the same on hers.

[FOURever]

^swerte ni bez. Sana makahanap ng katapat yang babaeng ganyan. Makati. May fiance na sarili kung kanikanino pa dumidikit. Dikya!

[meloids]

^hahaha... natawa naman ako sa word na dikya.. POV ko, hindi ko rin titigilan hanggang hindi nalalaman nung BF ni Bez na yan ang totoo kara ng GF nyang haliparot kasi kawawa rin naman sya. (at the same time, revenge na rin nyahaha)

[manang02]

@rae: thanks sa info sis re: counselling. ni-pm ko na si sis aquacharly.

@fourever: ayoko lang talaga sakin manggaling. pero kung me magsasabi sa fiance nung girl about samin, ok sa kin.. haha 

chika lang naman ang bestfriend, malandi ang girl, naudlot ang affair, ayaw mag give up ni bruha, kaya kunwari bestfriend nalang, para pwede niyang icontinue ang paglalandi niya!
minsan kasi isip nila mas exciting ang bawal na pag ibig. ngayon hiwalay na si sis manang & fiance, ewan ko if exciting parin ang pagiging "bestfriend" nila. kung nagawa nilang magtaksil sa kanilang mga partners before, im sure they will not be faithful to each other if sila ang magkatuluyan. hmp!

ganyan din ang feeling ko sis.

[vbhyaknoj]

^makikisali na ako ha...sis bigyan mo ko fb account or email add ni bf ni bez ng fiance mo, ako na magsasabi

[babymeow04]

cellphone number, email, ym, fb, address ng bahay! amin na! sabay-sabay namin sasabihin! =))

POV ko as a girl: napaka-high school naman na gusto niya magkaron ng best friend na lalaki, yan kase uso sa ponds and j&j powder na commercial noong araw ng kabataan naten hahaha...from personal experience. yung sister ko na may 'bestfriend' na lalaki from high school, ikakasal na sila sa june. as in yes, next month na! =)) kaya witttttttttt tagala yang concept na yan. tapos meron din ako ka-office na lalaki dati na may girl friend na, gusto daw niya ako gawing best friend. tapos hindi ako umo-o hindi rin ako nag-no. pero nung nagtry na siyang hawakan kamay ko, ayyyyy iba na yan. so para saken ibebest friend mo ang isang tao kase hindi mo na pala siya pwede gawing boy/girl friend, ganyan?? =))

at kung i-tatackle naten ang anatomy, physiology at sociology, ang lalaki at babae ay meant to be attracted sa isa't-isa!! anlandi lang!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rochelle08]

Bakit hindi na lang kasi yung girlfriend ang gawing best friend?  Or yung best friend ang gawing girlfriend?  Di ba?

Ginagawa pa kasing kumplikado ang buhay.  Ang sa akin kasi, kung magkaka-girlfriend ako, by default siya na ang best friend ko.  Dapat pinapasa ang korona ng "best friend" sa girlfriend.

tama!!! and i can't imagine my husband not letting me check his phone... the mere idea na bawal is red flag na.

[iampennylane]

Naku sabihin mo na sa fiance nung malanding babaeng yun. Ganun ginawa ko 3 years ago, sinumbong ko sa boyfriend ng malanding babae na may affair sya sa asawa ko. 3-4 years na ata nyang BF tapos nakuha ko yung phone nung bf nya from a reliable source haha ayun tinawagan ko, the next day nagiiyak saken yung babae.

Yang mga patawag tawag ng BEZ na yan usually panglandi talaga eh LOL

[whitelady17]

hay buhay, peste kasi ang word na "bestfriend" eh kailangang may branding pa. IMO okay lang na bestfriend mo talaga is guy, kung talagang one of the boys ka, tipong hindi ka nila nakikita / treat as babae. Kung paano nila i treat ang guy friends nila dapat ganoon rin sa tropang babae. Pero kung merong something special attention, special treatment iba na iyan. Sis better inform the other guy about the extra activities ng girlfriend / fiance niya. Para hindi lang ikaw ang magka problema, pati si flirt magkaroon ng problema.

[rae]

rochelle08, parang naguluhan ako. my partner and I are bestfriends, pero we don't check each other's phones. Hindi naman bawal, I just don't feel the need to do it, di din ako interesado. I don't know how it is for him, but he lays off my phone too.

[Sarapuke]

Hays, Mahirap yan 

spy on him more pa. para sure. haha.
ewan ko lang kung meron na dito sa pilipinas ang
"SIM CLONING" pa clone mo sim nya. para ma-re-receive mo din mga message sa kanya.
ayun.
pero mahirap jan kung may isa pa siyang SIM.. mura lang naman kasi sim eh.

sa PC nya and LAPpy lagyan mo keylogger software. para malaman mo mga pinagagawa nya.

ayun lang po.

[gab54]

sis manang, kung saan ka masaya suportahan taka! 

ako rin naman, after i found out nag cheat si hubby, in the end nagkapatawaran kami at ngayon sobrang ok kami ngayon. hopefully matauhan si fiance at hindi na niya ulitin yun. minsan kasi pag matagal na kayo, u tend to take each other for granted. ikaw din, ifever magkabalikan kayo, play your cards right, learn from your mistakes and do it better!
if u have time, read the thread "secret of fascinating wife", madami kang matututunan. read also the ebook, para even before u get married, practice ka na. it may be based on an old book, pero most principles still apply... 

[x-y]

Sobrang tumagos yun story mo sis sa puso ko. =( i feel so sad for you.
nakakainis talaga yun mga "bez" type of girls. ewan ko bakit pa sila nageexist. hindi sila kelangan dito sa mundo. mga salot lang yun. lol

i'm proud of you sis sa ginawa mo. hindi lahat ng babaeng niloloko may lakas loob na i-end ang long term relationship.

[manang02]

Super hirap nga yan sis... The pain seems unbearable. Pero mas masakit kung married na kayo. If he really loves you, he will make a way para maging okay ulit kayo. Wag kang magpapadala sa promises, flowers, and stuff. Ang importante marealize nya kung gaano kasakit yung ginawa nya at hindi nya kaya na makita na nasasaktan ka ng ganun. Mahirap sis if he thinks na 'minor' mistake lang yun at 'wala lang yun', kasi sayo it's a big deal. Ang tendency if he view it that way, uulit at uulit yan. ng guy kasi pag pinalampas mo, uulit at uulit.  You need time for yourself and maybe you'll discover new things about you. Lumabas ka, or better if you have time and budget go on a trip. Try a new adventure, especially yung may adrenalin rush (ziplining, canyon swing, go cart). It is better to show him na you are not running out of options. Try to stand outside your situation and take a look from there. With that mas makikita mo kung kaya mo syang makasama for the rest of your life, thinking at some point he can hurt you again. If you are sure that after this crisis, he can/will do that again to you, then he's not worth your love.

Thanks sis!

[manang02]

sis manang, kung saan ka masaya suportahan taka! 

ako rin naman, after i found out nag cheat si hubby, in the end nagkapatawaran kami at ngayon sobrang ok kami ngayon. hopefully matauhan si fiance at hindi na niya ulitin yun. minsan kasi pag matagal na kayo, u tend to take each other for granted. ikaw din, ifever magkabalikan kayo, play your cards right, learn from your mistakes and do it better!
if u have time, read the thread "secret of fascinating wife", madami kang matututunan. read also the ebook, para even before u get married, practice ka na. it may be based on an old book, pero most principles still apply... 

thanks for the recommendation.
Mukhang ok nga yung book, though haven't started it yet, I will definitely make it a try.
I love what you said re: learning from my mistakes and making it better if ever magkabalikan kami.
Happy to hear about your marriage. 

[manang02]

just want to say thank you sa lahat who took time to post in this thread and gave their advises. Sorry di ko na kayang isa-isahin lahat. 
I can say that most of your advises helped me in a lot of ways.

The girl and I talked the other day, as I said to hear her side of story.
What's funny is that the girl admitted that my fiance did showed affection on her.
all her instances shows na yung fiance ko is doing this and that to her pero sya sinasabi nya wala syang feelings sa fiance ko, purely friendship lang daw ang tingin nya dito.
Ang sakin lang hindi naman siguro mag-eeffort ang fiance ko sa kanya, kung sya wala rin ginawa in return.

Last night, fiance and I talked finally ever-since Monday.
Told him that I want to hear his story again and all I ask is the truth. syempre di ko muna sinabi na nag-usap kami ni girl.
Inaamin nya na he did fell for the girl and that they had a mutual understanding.
tipong pseudo relationship.
he admitted na sobrang na-enjoy nya yung merong nagpaparamdam how special he is pati na rin yung special effort na pinapakita sa kanya ng girl.
he even told me na pakiramdam nya parang ang gwapo nya.

Fiance told me how sorry he was for causing me all this pain.
He knows he became selfish and stupid.
At dun daw sa 5 days na di kami nagkita, and the thought of losing me just re-affirms how he really love me.
He is asking for one last chance to make everything right.

[mommy_lani]

i have read your story...
well as usual hindi naman talaga aamin ang mga haliparot nagaya ni "bez" maghuhugas kamay yan. Pakunwaring walang feelings.
Siguro kung magdedecide kang bumaik kay boyfriend dagdagan mo pa yung effort mo sa relationship nyo. Hindi naman masamang maging showy, sweet sweetan or "malandi" kung pgagawin mo naman sa partner mo.

[moonie]

@manang02
Are considering getting back together with him?

IMO parehong naglandian yung fiance mo at si bes.  If only one of them has feelings for the other bakit sila text ng text na parang mag-nobyo?  Bakit may nangyari sa kanila?  Alam nilang bawal pero ok lang on both their parts kasi walang commitment yung relasyon nila kasi nga both of them are engaged.  Kaya nga "bestfriend" na lang ang tawag nila sa isa't isa.  Pero is it over na ba talaga?  Kung natago nila yung relasyon nila sa iyo, tuloy pa rin kaya hangang kayo ay kinasal?  Things you'll have to consider when you ponder over whether you'll give him another chance.