Deciding to move on from a failing marriage

[i_v_y]

I feel so lonely and perhaps natural lang to sa sitwasyon ko. If you have read my posts sa KABIT thread,
my husband cheated on me. Kahit 2 beses ko na siang nahuli at nagdecide ako na we will move on from it, wala akong nakitang effort ni hubby to win my trust back.

What pulled the trigger to for my leaving?

3 days after kong matulog sa kwarto ulet namen at magdecide na i would forgive him, si hubby umalis ng bahay. Alam ko sa [textspeak!] ko sia pupunta. Nung 530 ng hapon i texted him na dalhan ako ng indian mango galing sa [textspeak!] ko. At nagulat ako sa text nia when he said nasa Banawe daw sia looking for parts ng sasakyan. Sabi ko baket ka umaalis ng hindi ko alam, sana wala munang ganyanan. Hindi sia nagreply. Tinatawagan ko, hindi sumasagot. (ganyan na ganyan sia during the times na nagduda ko na may babae sia). Nagtext back sia, sabi nia on the way na daw sia sa [textspeak!] ko at nasa jip sia kaya hindi sia makasagot. So sige okay.

11:30 pm, i was getting worried kasi late na wala pa sia. So I texted him. Sabi nia, nagkayayaan daw ang barkada. So ako, praning. Parang haler, baket anjan ka. So sabi ko tawagan nia ako which he did. Masyadong tahimik ang background. Sabi nia hindi na daw sia tumuloy sa [textspeak!] ko at nayaya nga daw sia ng friend nia. Super inis lang ako kasi haler di ba sana naman ipaalam mo muna sa akin, kasi di you are winning my trust back???.. Shempre praning mode pa ako nun dahil  napaka recent ng mga pangyayari tapos ganyan agad. So sabi ko sa kanya sa phone, "umuwi ka na dito, hindi ko na kaya pang saktan ang sarili ko, pinagbigya kita pero eto pa din ginagawa mo."...  He didnt say a word. He never called back.

I called my mom and ask her to pick me up. In an hour nasa bahay na namen mommy ko, samantalang sia, na nasa mindanao ave daw sia, wala pa! At guess what anong oras umuwi, 430 ng umaga!!! Grabe parang hindi bothered sa sinabi ko sa phone. Ayun nung paalis na ako, hindi man lang ako pinigilan. At almost 2 weeks na ako wala sa bahay hindi man lang ako pinauwi.

Nung nag usap kami last Saturday, aba sia pa kelangan mag isip. Hindi daw nia msabi sa ngayon kung gusto pa daw nia tong marriage na to. ayaw daw nia magsalita ng tapos. He needs to fix himself daw para hindi na nia ako masaktan. Ako pa nga yung prang nagmamakaawa na ayusin namen. I felt so pathetic talaga. Sabi nia sa akin, if i really wanted the marriage to work, dapat nag isip daw muna ako bago ako umalis, Haler??? sia kaya, sana nag isip sia before nia ginawa yun.

Moving on seems to be the hardest thing to do. lalo na kapag marriage. wala naman kaming anak kaya medyo hindi complicated pero ang hirap pa din.

Sorry mga sis ha, i feel so lonely, parang feel ko hindi ako importante.

[honey-ecclaire]

Yes,Moving is never been easy sis...but you don't have to think that you're moving on everyday!
Since nandyan ka na sa poder ng mommy mo,isipin mo na you're the old single(MUNA) na daughter nila...For me talking about your problem sa kasambahay mo(Mom,dad,tita)is not effective for me...
SMILE---It's time to be free and do things na you didn't do nung magkasama kayo ng asawa mo,
It's time to think,regain and fix yourself like sabi ng magaling mong asawa...

Hayaan mo sya sa kung anong gusto nya,but sis be careful baka pagnaisipan nyang bumalik sayo at iba ibang girls na ang alam mo na,mahirap magkasakit!...

para naman ngayon pa lang sya nagbibinata,how old is he sis if you don't mind?...well it's not in the age....
Lucky you wala pa kayong baby,and don't think na if magkaka-baby kayo ngayon eh magbabago yan ha!

Space,time to think of yourself and prayers lang sis!

[i_v_y]

sis thanks sa reply.

33 na yung magaling kong asawa. mukha lang mature pero immature pa din.

[joyfulmommy]

i admire you sis for your strength... if i were on your shoes, it would have taken me a longer time to do what you did... moving on is the hardest thing to do.. sounds cliche, pero totoo.  after all, may pinagsamahan din kayo... ok lang to mourn sis... it's part of the moving on process... but don't mourn too long, kasi it will turn into bitterness, and it will poison your whole being.  find things to preoccopy you, surround yourself with friends and find a support group.  i think it will help a lot... goodluck sis.

[i_v_y]

^ thanks  sis.

actually may history kami ng hiwalayan na dati kasi. parang ang akin lang sana natuto kami sa mga past mistakes namen. yun kasi ang pinanghawakan ko sa kanya. na hindi na daw nia ulet gaagawin yun kasi naranasan na daw nia maagkahiwalay kami at ayaw na nya ulet daw mangyari yun.

salamat sis. Prayers and talking to God really helps a lot.

[honey-ecclaire]

but it seems na he's not learning from the past
problems that you had.parang ikaw lang ang gustong ayusin ang
marriage nyo pero sya mukhang iba ang gustong ayusin...
Don't pressure much yourself na you're in the process of moving on
just think that you are in the stage where you bringing your pieces back again.

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

TS, I have a question. Why did you decide to move out instead of throwing his things out? 

Wala lang. I think your hubby deserves hell. He asked for it.

I know it's hard to be alone pero I'd pick it everytime than feel miserable sa isang lalake na walang kwenta.

[i_v_y]

TS, I have a question. Why did you decide to move out instead of throwing his things out? 

Wala lang. I think your hubby deserves hell. He asked for it.

I know it's hard to be alone pero I'd pick it everytime than feel miserable sa isang lalake na walang kwenta.

kasi sis, bahay ng parents nia yun eh. sia ang nagtutuloy ng mortgage, ako naman gumagastos sa bahay. pero since nung nambabae sia nung january, di na sia nakabayad ng mortgage up to now.

sis honey-ecclaire, salamat.

ang iniisip ko na lang is yung promise of the a better future. mas happy.

[honey-ecclaire]

It's enough of moving on crap sis...
IT's time to REVENGE...The sweetest and the deadliest revenge you can have,BE BEAUTIFUL,SEXY and hehe)...Go to salon,have a haircut,spa,manicure,pedicure pamper yourself for a day and after that you will feel away better mare,Call your girls up hindi para pag-usapan at iyakan ang marriage nyo,kundi para mag-unwind...wag puro nega ang ikwento mo ha,
Think of the things were you can be hehe)to raise money,IF you can work again then that's good kase malilibang ka and mare-refesh ang utak mo....

Wag mong gawin ito para maglaway sya at para bumalik sya sayo....
Do it for yourself....For a better future!
wag mo munang isispin yung mga ano kayang inisiisip ng magaling mong asawa,babalik pa ba sya?...
Isispin mong your teaching him a lesson in life....While your having hehe)

[i_v_y]

^^thanks sis.

two weeks is enough mourning. it is time to pamper myself. This weekend gagawin ko yan.
minsan iniisip ko ibblock ko ba yung posts updates ko sa fb para di nia makita at magtaka sia baket wala akong update or as is lang? i know this sounds so childish pero andun ako sa point na parang ayokong malaman nia mga pangyayari sa buhay ko.

[honey-ecclaire]

not childish or bad idea...
Eh kung puro emote yung mga posts mo eh lalaki talaga ang EGO ng asawa mo...
it's like you'll be gone for awhile...then BULAGAIN mo na lang sya pag ready ka na sa giyera...
Yung hindi ka na masyadong apektadong apektado sa mga pagsusumamo nya(let's say something like that) or yung pwede mo na syang kausapin na walang bitterness, like an old friend....

[FayeP]

sis ivy, gaya ng sabi ko sa kabilang thread natin eh ang galing mo!!!! clap clap clap!! i admire you kasi may guts ka to leave....

sis, tama un suggestion ng mga sis natin na i-improve mo din un sarili mo...cya naman ang nawalan eh, hindi ikaw, he definitely don't deserve someone like you...

be strong at sa una lang naman malungkot, masakit...

pero try mo maging busy sa work kunyari kun may work ka...kun wala naman, hanap ka work or business at dun mo ibuhos time mo, be productive....

goodluck sis!!!

[beatrize zuri]

i agree with honey-ecclaire, everydai struggle talaga ang moving one pero you have to do it for yourself, this is the best time na for you to give yourself a break! yung ikaw lang talaga,. (new haircut,spa, make over, or to mingle sa mga friends mo) yung mga di mo nagagawa nung kasama mo hubby pwedeng pwede mo ng gawin ngayon.
 
pero alam mo sis, napaka insensitive naman ng husband mo, ilang years ba kayong bf-gf before you got married? and ilang years na kayong married?. ang hirap talaga pag love ang problema no? parang masisira ang ulo mo,hehe yung SIL same din ng situation mo, nambababae husband niya.
 
eto lang masasabi ko dyan, pag nalampasan mo yan, tatawanan mo na lang sarili mo,. hayaan mo na lang muna husband mo sis, marerealize din niya kung ano ang nawala sa kanya. go girl!
 

[aquacharly]

Gusto mo sabitan kita  ng medalya, IVY?

Not just  because you have the capacity  & willpower to leave him.
Let's face it, even when the one  you love eh sinasaktan ka na to  the very depths of your soul -- it is still hard to walk away. Hay, buhay!

The medal is for realizing that there is  no hope, and no value in your forgiveness & continuing love if he cannot give you True Remorse & Reform. 

Love cannot be forced.  Let it go, you deserve much much much better.

New Beginnings are always hard. But these are still  a lot better than DeadEnds. 

Ang  pag aasawa ang pinakamalaking sugal.   Sugal nga, kya hwag mo itataya lahat. Ang importante, alam mo kelan ka titigil ng pagsusugal.   

We all wish you well.

[i_v_y]

Gusto mo sabitan kita  ng medalya, IVY?

Not just  because you have the capacity  & willpower to leave him.
Let's face it, even when the one  you love eh sinasaktan ka na to  the very depths of your soul -- it is still hard to walk away. Hay, buhay!

The medal is for realizing that there is  no hope, and no value in your forgiveness & continuing love if he cannot give you True Remorse & Reform. 

Love cannot be forced.  Let it go, you deserve much much much better.

New Beginnings are always hard. But these are still  a lot better than DeadEnds. 

Ang  pag aasawa ang pinakamalaking sugal.   Sugal nga, kya hwag mo itataya lahat. Ang importante, alam mo kelan ka titigil ng pagsusugal.   

We all wish you well.

thank you aquacharly. i was hoping to hear from you.

i agree with honey-ecclaire, everydai struggle talaga ang moving one pero you have to do it for yourself, this is the best time na for you to give yourself a break! yung ikaw lang talaga,. (new haircut,spa, make over, or to mingle sa mga friends mo) yung mga di mo nagagawa nung kasama mo hubby pwedeng pwede mo ng gawin ngayon.
 
pero alam mo sis, napaka insensitive naman ng husband mo, ilang years ba kayong bf-gf before you got married? and ilang years na kayong married?. ang hirap talaga pag love ang problema no? parang masisira ang ulo mo,hehe yung SIL same din ng situation mo, nambababae husband niya.
 
eto lang masasabi ko dyan, pag nalampasan mo yan, tatawanan mo na lang sarili mo,. hayaan mo na lang muna husband mo sis, marerealize din niya kung ano ang nawala sa kanya. go girl!
 

sis salamat. 1 and 1/2 year kaming magjowa and we have been married for 6 years. nakakaloka talaga kapag marriage ang problema. siguro kung hindi pa ako umalis dun, baka maloka ako literally.

not childish or bad idea...
Eh kung puro emote yung mga posts mo eh lalaki talaga ang EGO ng asawa mo...
it's like you'll be gone for awhile...then BULAGAIN mo na lang sya pag ready ka na sa giyera...
Yung hindi ka na masyadong apektadong apektado sa mga pagsusumamo nya(let's say something like that) or yung pwede mo na syang kausapin na walang bitterness, like an old friend....

ay sis hindi naman ako maemote sa sa fb. di katulad nung kabit nia. nung naghiwalay sila (ewan ko kung totoo), puro emote sa fb ang ginawa.


may work naman ako and i am very blessed with that. i work at home kaya kahit saan ko lumarga eh may trabaho ako. I am still blessed by God.

Hindi nakasalalay ang buhay ko sa asawa ko, pero whether we like it or not, there will always be a scar...but i take it as sign of strength.

[beatrize zuri]

matagal na pala kayong married, if you dont mind sis wala pa ba kayo balak mag ka baby? kasi diba minsan nagbabago ang mga guys pag may baby na, syempre may mag hohold on na sa inyo, iisipin na niya yung future ng anak niyo.
 
alam mo nakakatuwa ka nga eh, kasi di ka tulad ng iba na super go g*g* talaga over their husbands na parang wala ng tinira sa mga sarili nila and base sa mga answers mo dito you have a strong personality na kahit anong mangyari sa inyo ng husband mo kakayanin mo,. pag kelangan mo ng kausap andito lang naman kami. malalampasan mo din yan. 

[mrsdee]

Ang  pag aasawa ang pinakamalaking sugal.   Sugal nga, kya hwag mo itataya lahat. Ang importante, alam mo kelan ka titigil ng pagsusugal.   

Sayang walang "like button" sa GT hehe, I love how you've put it sis aquacharly.

I think the mere fact na nakaya ni sis i_v_y to see the situation clearly despite her love for her husband is sa sugal nya(if I may use the above analogy), hindi nya itinaya lahat. May itinira sya sa sarili nya. Self-respect, self-diginity, self-love, whatever you call it, I'm glad you have kept it with you sis i_v_y.

You deserve better than that.

[cherrhys]

matagal na pala kayong married, if you dont mind sis wala pa ba kayo balak mag ka baby? kasi diba minsan nagbabago ang mga guys pag may baby na, syempre may mag hohold on na sa inyo, iisipin na niya yung future ng anak niyo.

Makikisabat lang ha, yan ang huwag na huwag niyong gagawin.  Ang magasawa if problematic ang marriage to begin with, never magiging solution ang pagkakaroon ng anak.  Most of the time mas nakakacomplicate pa.  Don't give that responsibility to the child, kawawa naman.

[super bratinella]

Sis, nakakalungkot naman..but you may do the reverse thing as if you do not care anymore about your relationship and make yourself busy, do something for yourself to improve like do alot of excercise, diet, pamper yourself, read books that will make you feel lighter, positive books, pray and pray. The best revenge is letting him know that you are ok and way better without him.

Mahirap talaga at nakakalungkot pero it helps to be positive.

[beatrize zuri]

^^hi sis, im not saying naman na magbaby sila ngayon definitely hindi talaga timing yan, what im trying to say is may mga guys kasi na nagiiba ang priority nila pag nagka baby na, nakakaroon ng direction yung buhay nila. i have a friend na halos gusto na nilang maghiwalay pero since may anak sila bumalik yung guy kasi naisip niya yung anak niya, nung una para lang sa bata kaya ulit sila nagsama pero dahil everyday sila magkasama at nakikita nila kung gaano kasaya yung bata na buo sila, sila mismong mga parents ang umayos sa sarili nila para sa anak nila, ayon ngayon happy family na sila, knowing na away bati sila, at nambababae din yung lalaki before pero ngayon family na niya ang priority niya, gaya ng guy friend ko pag may anak kasi may naghohold on sa inyo, kumbaga may pag asa pang maayos,.
 
pero syempre, unfair naman sa mga bata kung hindi maayos yung relationship kasi ang ending sa kanila ang burden talaga, kaya i agree naman sa sinabi mo na wag mag asawa kung umpisa pa lang eh hindi na maayos yung relationship.
 
dont get me wrong sis ha?   di kasi ako good adviser pero atleast binabase ko naman yung inaadvice ko sa mga friends ko na nakaexperience ng ganito, but then again hindi naman siya applicable sa lahat, pwedeng sa kanya oo pero kay ivy hindi or vice versa.
 
peace