dad cheated on mom. now they're super sweet to each other and i hate it

[slurpee]

okay ganito kasi. dad cheated on mom. not just once, but several times. middle of last year nahuli ng mom ko. my mom wanted to separate pero hindi din nya ginawa because of us daw. ayaw daw nya na galing kami sa broken family. so for a couple of months after mahuli (from august to december), sobrang okay sila ng dad ko, parang walang nangyari. tapos few days before new year, ayan na ulit, todo away nanaman sila, mas grabe than nung nahuli yung dad ko. so from late december until mid-feb, sobrang stressful dito sa bahay. may mga gabi na biglang magwawala yung mom ko ng mga 2 am, tapos until madaling araw, gising kaming lahat. basta sobrang stressful talaga. she consulted a lawyer na, she wanted to separate na daw talaga, pero still, hindi pa din nya tinuloy because of us nga daw. mom and dad went to the psychiatrist, marriage counselor, priest, lahat lahat na. tapos lately, sobrang pa-sweet sila, as if parang walang nangyari nanaman. it's driving me crazy! hindi ko mawari kung bakit. para kasing, ano ba. so okay na ulit, ganun na lang yun? sobrang lovey dovey kayo sa isa't isa tapos bukas makalawa, major eksena nanaman? hindi kasi maalis sa isip ko na dad might do it again kasi para bang ang dali nyang "makalusot". mali ba ako mga sis to feel this way? nawawala talaga ako sa mood pag nakikita ko silang pa-sweet. holding hands sila sa mall and all that. naiiyak ako sa inis.  gustong gusto kong sabihin sa mom ko na ganito nararamdaman ko kaso baka sabihin nya na bakit ako ganito, hindi ba dapat masaya ako na okay sila blah blah.




 

[smoothie]

i guess it's because sa society natin. negative parin ang tingin sa mga separated parents, broken families, etc. i guess lalo na kung may image na pinanghahawakan yung parents mo. also, as a mom, mother parang nangingibabaw parin yung having a family over being a single parent. in the end, hindi nila nare-realize na mas negative ang nangyayari or effect sa mga anak.

i can relate to you sis. my dad parang bachelor never na outgrew ang pagiging binata. ang gulo gulo ng family namin. dapat magse-separate din sila but in the end hindi natuloy becuase of the kids. pero unlik you na nagiging super sweet ang parents mo sa akin palaging may tension. nakakainis. ultimo kung saan magisismba mag aaway pa.

[ck_ok]

sis slurpee, i can relate with you. normal lang siguro sa 'tin na magalit kapag nakikita natin sila na ganun. my father has an affair too and we just found out na may anak sya sa iba! the kid is already 6 years old. matagal na tinago sa 'min kaya sobrang masakit. we don't know what to do yet. basta ang alam ko, i hate my dad so much. let's just pray for those who wronged us. 

[Paperless]

hi sis, i learned this from a friend na older than me, halos kaedad ko lang ang mga anak niya... sabi niya, sa mga ganyang cases daw, madalas hindi sinasali ang mga anak pero in fact, dapat daw para malaman if anong impact ng mga pangyayari sa kanila, katulad na lang mga sinabi mo, baka hindi alam ng parents mo na ganoon ang thinking mo. am not sure if retreat ba ang tawag sa mga ganon, pero kung mag open ng mga problems sa pamilya, dapat nandoon kayong buong family, para lahat ng issues, masolve. and tingin ko din, iba ang impact sa magulang kapag anak na ang nagsalita. kasi sinasabi ni mom mo na she's keeping the relationship for their kids, pero ang hindi nila alam, mas nahihirapan kayo sa situation. so bakit hindi sa iyo manggaling mismo if anong tingin ninyo sa mga nangyayari? baka marealized ng father mo na hindi lang ang mom mo ang nasaktan sa mga ginawa niya.

[Lady Blue]

Parang naalala ko ang childhood ko. Ganyan din ang parents ko noon. Laging nag-aaway dahil sa pambabae daw ng tatay ko. Until now di ko alam kung nahuli ba ni Nanay si Tatay o kung puro hinala lang siya. Pero naalala ko pa noon, I was 9 or 10 I think, sinama ako ni Nanay para pumunta sa work ni Tatay para daw hulihin sa akto father ko sa pambabae niya. Growing up gustong gusto ko na silang maghiwalay. Kasi kung lagi na lang mag-aaway eh napakastressful nga sa bahay, gaya ng sabi nig sis slurpee. Pag sinasabi ko naman ito sa mother ko, lagi na lang sinasabi na ayaw daw niya kaming magkahiwa-hiwalay na magkakapatid. Para daw sa amin ang lahat ng pagtitiis na ginagawa niya. Ako naman, I was thinking na kung ganito lang palagi ang environment sa bahay eh mas gugustuhin ko pa hiwa-hiwalay kami.

BUT, siguro nga parte talaga ng buhay mag-asawa ang mga pagsubok na gaya nyan. Kasi nalagpasan din naman ng parents ko. Super ok na ang pagsasama nila and they are together for more than 32 years na. 33th anniv nila in May.

[smoothie]

and one more thing, i don't if it was an effect of the cheating, etc. but parang nagkaroon ng victim syndrome ang mom ko. basta, hindi maganda ang effect ng staying together just to have an "intact" family

[slurpee]

lately hindi na sila nag-aaway eh. parang wala ngang nangyari. pero hindi ko kasi kayang mag-pretend na parang walang nangyari. medyo matagal talaga ako maka-move on from things at ayaw ko din pilitin sarili ko. di kami naguusap ni dad ngayon. ayoko din naman na mag-separate sila pero i was thinking sana na bigyan ng mom ko ng time yung sarili nya na talagang maka-get over from what happened, hindi yung pinipilit nya lang for us kasi mas mahihirapan din sya. am i making sense here? feeling ko parang may mali sakin kasi i feel this way. and ayun nga, lagi kong naiisip na etong tatay ko might do it again kasi parang ang bilis din naman nyang nakalusot.

[rianne_mallows]

^for now, i think you should let her be...  hayaan mo na muna... diskarte na muna ng mom mo... pero if it happens again (the cheating and the chaotic atmosphere) mas ok siguro sabihin mo sa mom mo yung feelings mo... kung hindi mo kaya diretso kahit through a letter..

at least, you're mom knows na ok lang maghiwalay sila and hindi mo siya sisisihin kasi kita mo naman that she really tried to make the marriage work..  baka yun lang din kasi iniisip nun kaya hindi maiwan dad mo...

ngayon kung nasabi mo na yun sa mom mo but she still stuck with your dad, at yun pa din reason niya.. wala ka na magagawa.. malamang sinasabi na lang niyang dahil sa anak kasi talagang ayaw niya or hindi kaya iwan dad mo..

[jesrora]

maybe, despite the pain of betrayal - your mom just loves your dad. Maybe, this is her way of convincing herself that they are okay and there is still hope for their marriage.

If you harbor these feelings too long - it would be destructiive. Better talk to your mom, ask her why is she like that so you can try to understand. If she says its for you and she doesn't love your dad anymore - let her know that its okay with you if they want to separate so they dont have to pretend. But I doubt that. Because as a wife - stupid as it may sound. As long as I love my husband and I am willing to go through hell to fix my marriage and keep my family intact.

IMO, you should be supporting both your parents in fixing their marriages - cmon nageeffort sila. Di tulad ng iba di pinaparamdam na may conflict - mashock ka nalang umuwi ka nagpapackup ng clothes and stuff ang dad mo dahil matagal na silang may problema. Diba masmasakit yun? Ay OT na ko. Hehe. Yun lang.

[ldrwifey]

you're hurting for your mom, pero mukha naman n nilet-go n ng mother mo ang nangyari, why dont you do the same? for now napapasaya ng dad m ang mom mo so let them be. if dumating man ang time n mangyari ulit yun at magdecide ulit ang mom n patawarin p din ang dad mo igalang m p din, kasi yun ang gusto niya. kapag wala n talaga siyang maibibigay susuko din siya and when that time come, just make sure that you're there for your mom

[shalikah]

Kapag nag-away pa sila sis talk to your mom tell her it's okay for you and you would support/stand by her in case na maghiwalay sila. Minsan kasi akala nila iyon ang makakabuti pero hindi pala. So talk to her. If mahal niya lang talaga dad mo support her rin. Hindi lang sila ang involved jan pati kayo so do your part din.

[aquacharly]

SLURPEE ... when we were growing up, our home was tense too coz  my father had a kab1tch.
Some of us kids prayed they would split up, and we could  all live like any normal family:  regular tension & regular dramas lang, lol.     But it did not come to pass.  Our mom would  take him back with all her love ....  Again, again, and again.  Same same same reason as yours, SLURPEE.... "For the sake of the kids.".   

When I encountered the Dark  Years of my marriage, I understood my mom more.  I understood;  I did not say I loved/appreciated her more. 

Did I stick around?    Yes.      For the sake of the kids? No.
See, I fell in love with this person coz I gleaned something good in him.  During the bad years, I focused on seeing those good things.  Realistically too, mahirap to fall out of love kahit sinasaktan na your soul.
Di ba, you try to do better, and stretch to the moon & back your: love, hoping & praying, understanding & kagag@han?      Until I day, Boink!!!    Your heart gets tired & you say: Enough is enough.  But SLURPEE, for some people, like our moms -- it takes a super long  time to get the  Enough Boink! 

Did  I stick around for the kids' sake?  No nga eh.
Kids are gifts entrusted to us; alone or together, it is a continuing commitment to God to give them your best.  Perhaps I was blessed & confident  enough to not need tem as the excuse for hanging on. Perhaps that's why our mom took against us her unhappiness, coz her allegation is she stuck it out for our sake.

What am I trying to tell you, SLURPEE? 
It will never be your call to end the marriage.  So, just make the most of it.  Kung may drama, find ways to cope/insulate yourself until things are back to lovey-dovey again. Learn to live in the moment.  Lol, do not take it personally.
If your mom can still ride that roller-coaster, let her -- do not hurt her more by...... Yung  ipamukha mo sa kanya na:   Ano ka ba, Mother, gagui?!   IF she does not ask you directly, you have no right to slap her with your judgment.

What else?  Learn from all this.  Should sh1t hit the fan in your marriage, you will be more knowledgeable on how to rise above it all though the pain freezes your brains. 

Now, don't go  off marrying early like me, just to get out of the drama.   

[jesrora]

^
awww natamaan ako. :|

[babythug28]

be thankful that you're mom is strong and she was able to let go of the pain. halos lahat naman nakaranas ng ganyang situation sa family, including me. pagsubok lang yan sa marriage nila. kung nakaya ng mommy mo na maging wife pa din sa dad mo despite everything, maging ganun ka din sa kanila. laging sinasabi ng mommy ko (before nung mga ganyang may kabit era pa si fadir)

"hindi man naging mabuting asawa ang tatay nyo, respetuhin nyo pa din sya kasi mabuting ama naman sya sa inyo"

[justin3]

slurpee - sabi ko na bang familiar ang handle mo eh. ikaw rin kasi nag-open ng topic na to.
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,247564.msg6552704.html#msg6552704

last year pa yan, at bago mag 2012, nasundan pa pala? at eto ka na naman ngayon, nanggagalaiti sa inis. eh, nakausap mo na ba ng masinsinan si daddy dearest? have you expressed what you truly feels sa kanya? (sa tono kasi ng 2nd mo dito, mukhang di mo talaga nakausap si daddy eh.)
sabi nang ilabas mo ang hinanakit mo sa kanya eh. at 55-56, di pa namang ulyanin si daddy ah. you bet, mas sagad sa buto ang sasabihin mo kesa sa mga psychiatrists, counselors at priests na nakausap ni daddy. kahit na ipangalandakan mo pa sa buong mundo ang "inis" mo yan kung di naman alam ng person concerned. pfffffft!

sige ka, pag kinimkim mo pa yang "inis" na yan, baka at 26 maging mas mukhang matanda ka pa kesa 30yr old na chi-ching ni daddy.

mag-update ka sa amin dito sis ha? ayokong makitang (a few months from now) gumawa ka na naman ng new topic about the sexcapades of daddy.

[tashasabs]

@slurpee Hi sis. Nako, I feel you. Ganyan din ang naging scenario namin, main difference is parang natauhan na rin ang nanay ko kaya wala na. Although of course she just might be saying that. Noong tina-try ng nanay ko na maayos, sweet sila, ganun, grabe lang ang temper ko noon. Kasi parang betrayal din for me.

It's not easy confronting parents. I did that to my dad, and ang nakuha ko is malutong na sampal, sobrang lakas ng pwersa kaya for three days affected yung right ear ko saka yung sense of balance ko. He keeps denying kasi na may kabit siya, at ako lang sa pamilya ang sumagot-sagot sa kanya. He keeps addressing my husband-then-boyfriend as "lalaki ko" and that got on my nerves kaya pinatulan ko na. Scenario ngayon? He's in Saudi with his fifth kabit, a registered nurse also hailing from my mom's hometown and only older sakin ng ilang taon. His whole family's okay with their arrangement, in fact kinukunsinti pa. Ginigipit niya mom and sister ko financially; he's proclaiming he only has one daughter (my sister). Tinakwil ako since nagpakasal ako. And it's not a big deal with me either. As much as I can I don't fill out info about my father kapag sa work or other related matters. Laging sa mother lang ang may info.

It's unhealthy to have a grudge. I know that. But then again, what he did to me and my mom and sister scarred us for life. And I'm the unforgiving type. Kaya quits lang kami sa patigasan ng ulo. 

I just want to you to know somebody here understands you. I also went through that, and pinakakinaiinisan ko yung mga relatives na sinasabing masaya naman sila, hayaan mo na. May mga prinsipyo ako at ang pambababae hindi kasama dun. Hindi lang naman marriage ang nasira eh, pamilya din. May anak din na nasaktan. At kung hindi naa-address yun, person guilty has to make  amends. Yun ang akin. Matigas na kung matigas, pero hindi kasi ganun yun kadali. Madaling sabihin let go, pero kung ikaw ang nakakaranas ng ganyan, I don't think mababalewala lang yun ng ganun.

[katrinac]

hi sis, i understand you. napagdanan ng family namin yan, and sa mama ko, ang masakit pa eh nakita nya talaga ng harapan kung pano sya niloko ng dad ko. di kami ganon kadali naka recover sa last na ginawa nya - pero dahil sa prayers, unti unti, nagiging okay na ang family namin. yung dad ko, maraming naging passing fancy, pero yung last one nya talaga yung pinaka grabe. nung nakita ko yun, as in caught in the act, namura ko sya, and binato ng baso (sayang di natamaan) ehhe. even teh girl, nasabunutan ko talaga, (yes may ganon na eksena). siguro kung wala pa ako sa tamang pag iisip nun, na saksak ko sila (sorry for the term) pero grabe yung pain din na pinagdaanan ko nun. muntik ko pa binangga nung kotse dahil pinalayas ko si papa sa bahay. at grabeng panunumbat ginawa ko sa kanya. hehe.
so fast forward...
 and since nahuli na sya ng mom ko ng harapan, ayun, natakot ata kaming mawala. so ending, he's patching things up. and sana tuloy tuloy na nga. at times, sumasama ang loob ko, but then si mama ko, nakita ko kung gaano nya kamahal ang dad ko. though minsan, naiinis parin ako sa mga pinaggagawa nya sa mama ko, pero i can't do anything eh, he's still my dad. and i just hope na wag na maulit yun. Pray lang ng pray sis, and for sure, things will get better. right now, i can truly say na, paunti unti bumabalik kami sa dati. pero yung scar, laging andyan yan. and since ikakasal na ako next month, wag sana mapunta sakin yung mga pinaggagawa ng dad ko dati. 

[muahmuahmuah]

why not just move out if you're of age and probably are able to support yourself. let the parents be. ganun naman yun, partners go through that kind of difficulty at some point up to them na if they want to repair or replace what they've got going.  love nila for the kids di naman mawawala if they've been ever present in your life.  for all the good your dad did for all of you, give him the credit he deserves and not define him with the act. masakit pero sila na kasi yun relationship nila, dynamics nila yun it could've been there even before they married and the trait was just steeping all throughout the course of the marriage. appreciate mo nalang they're still together and they're happy kung sila moving on dapat ikaw rin.

[SakuraBride]

Nangyari din saken to. Ako yung gustong gusto maghiwalay na lang sila. Sa sobrang inis ko, 18 yrs old pa lang ako hinde na ko sumama sa kanila. Ang saya pa ng buhay ko. hehe

[jessieboadilla]

ganyan din parents ko sis. as in simula pa lang nung marriage nila, nagloloko na dad ko. Kaya din ayaw iwan ng mom ko ang dad ko kasi wala ng mag-aalaga samin. Now, they are ok pero minsan di na maalis sa mom ko yun doubt at lagi na niya binibintangan dad ko which is his fault naman.

Ngayon, di na masyado masaya yun family namin. ang nagpapa-bond na lang samin ay yung mga pamangkin ko. Ang naging cause lang nung ganun ay I hate my Dad, sobraaa. Di lang dahil sa panloloko niya pero there are things/disciplinary actions niya samin before na di ko maintindihan.