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mga sis update lang. i finally left our home nung Thursday ng madaling araw. Nasabi ko last post ko na I have decided to move on at ayusin na lang namen. Pero nung Wed night, MIA na naman si hubby. Basta in short, wala akong nakikitang effort sa kanya na igain back ang trust ko. 4am na umuwi ng walang paalam at hindi nasagot sa call. Praning din ako kasi yung off ng kabit nia eh Tuesday at Wednesday. Pagdating ni hubby sa bahay, nakahakot na lahat sa oto yung gamit ko. Parang tameme nga sia wala sian reaction kungdi umiyak. Ni hindi man lang ako pinigilan eh. Leaving does not mean giving up. I want us to both understand and find the purpose of what has been happening. I realized din that I lost focus in God. Naging focus ko asawa ko. I remembered that anything that will come in between me and the Lord, He will take it away for He is a jealous God. Isa sa mga fear ko kung baket hindi ko maiwan magaling kong asawa ay paano kung magpatuloy sila ng kabit nia, pano kung mabuntis, paano kung mag live in...puro what if and i didnt know paano ko ihahandle yun kaya ayoko iwan sia. The problem with me was I did not trust the Lord that He has better plans for me. Naniniwala ako na if ever dumating na yung na mgaing totoo yung fears ko, tinanggal na ni Lord yung fear na yun. Malay ko di ba, wala pala akong maramdaman. When this realization came to me, nagkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob to leave him so that he will learn. That he can't just take me for granted, that he cant just hurt me the way he did over and over again, and that I cant let anyone hurt me that way he did.So for now, balik focus kay Lord and beauty ko. Emotionally battered na nga ako, so kelangan spiritually strong ako. Unahin ko muna si Lord and everything will follow according to His plans. Share ko lang pala what i believe. I believe there are marriages that are not according to God's design, or God's will. Kasi pinilit lang naten, we did not pray and asked God kung yung ba ang taong dapat naten pakasalan. God always wants the best for us. Ako masasabi ko that marrying my husband was just my decision. Wala si God sa decision making ko noon. I didnt even ask or prayed kung sia na nga. Kaya eto. Since andito na ako and God does not want divorce (unless there is adultery involved), I am still praying na maayos ang marriage ko. Mga sis, you are in my prayers.