anong gagawin mo pag nalaman mong may kabit ang husband mo?

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, in time, you will know. do not rush. ako man, it took me a long while before taking that step.

and to be honest, when I was in your shoes, ayoko din gumalaw.  I just want a friend or someone to defend me and clean up the mess.  unfortunately, walang ibang makakagawa nyan except you. 

and people around me did not help.  nung una kong nalaman, sinarili ko lang. then unang sinabihin ko in laws ko, kasi at least hindi magkakagulo pag nalaman nila.  well, anak nila eh, so they tried to comfort me pero hanggang dun lang at wala naman daw silang magagawa sa pinagagawa ng anak nila kundi sabihan. pero I bet kung mangyari ito sa anak nilang babae eh baka naghamon na sila ng away. in any case, lagi nila sinasabi sakin to wait at magigising rin yun, do not rock the boat, etc.  Maraming babae na may asawang nambabae and ok lang sila.  There is nothing wrong dahil 1 out of 10 marriages lang naman talaga ang happy, and since ok naman kami financially, I should be ok. 

And they make it sound like kung ako ang nagrereklamo, ako pa ang manggugulo kasi lalaki anak without a dad, or the family will be dysfunctional, or I will be the one who will end up growing old alone nang walang asawa at yung kabit ang winner, etc etc. It is only after several years ko naisip, shet, ako lang ang hirap hirap, day in and day out, lumang tugtugin na, paulit ulit nalang, parang hindi nako nagsawa mahirapan.  The wound was always fresh.  Samantalang lahat sila emprenteng happy happy, at they do not need to answer for anything (ie nakakahiya pag nalaman ng relatives etc). 

Bwiset talaga. so nagising rin ngako, never again. But it took me a lot of time. Before I became ready.  I went through the ups and downs.  May time I was hoping babalik pa yung dating pakikitungo nya.  Pero hindi.  The longer the situation became, the more at ease everyone became. Kasi I ACCEPTED IT.  And since I accepted it, eh di sige lang silang lahat, yung ex ko happy happy, yung kabit minsan nang-aaway kasi gusto sa kanya lagi yung ex ko, yung in laws happy happy at complete pag family gatherings.  I was at the brink of my sanity, kasi minsan happy ako at andyan sya parang walang nangyari, ok na naman kami, then all of a sudden mawawala sya, and I do not know where to find him at hindi sinasagot ang phone.  Sleepless nights waiting for him, hindi uuwi, sasabihin nya work as if walang nangyari. Magkakaron na naman ako ng panic attack. Tapos pag uwi nya, heto na naman ako since andyan sya, ok na naman. It was a roller coaster of emotions. 

Hanggang sa sinabi ko na Stop na talaga. I distanced myself away from him. Psyched myself NOT to love him.  and love myself more.  Kaya ngayon, I will always make sure I take care of my own well-being muna at never again ako papayag na mabastos ng ganun.  I will always do what I think is right for me and for everyone, what is fair and just, even if it means rocking the boat, or maiskandalo sinuman. Because at the end of the day, you know you did the right thing, kahit pa magsirko sirko lahat ng tao, eh yun ang tama, at walang makakapagbago nun.

[babyphat]

pag nalaman kong may iba ulit, fling or not, wala na talaga. goodbye na kami ni daughter sa kanya.

[jamila_19]

bagong kasal pa lang kami at hindi muna pumapasok sa isip ko kung sakaling mambabae o may kabit ang husband ko.

pero kung mangyayari man eh kakausapin ko siya ng maayos at hahanap ako ng paraan na makausap ko din ng maayos iyong babae. siguro naman eh madadaan ko sa magandang pakiusapan ang lahat... at kung talagang hindi na sila papapigil kahit minsan ko na makausap at patuloy pa din sila eh wala na akong magagawa kundi mag let go...

[ronelie]

pag nahuli kong me kabit, puputulin ko yung ano nya tapos ibeblender ko para wala ng mapakinabangan yung kabit nya then it's time to say goodbye.JK!

[imdWOMANwhocntbemove]

ako,pag nalaman kong may kabit siya,talagang lalayasan namin siya ng mga babies namin..tpos magfifill ako kaagad ng custody para may sustento pa rin siya sa mga babies namin..
we're not yet married,live in lang kami kaya mas madali ang lahat..
kunsabagay, yung parents ko di rin naman siya gusto eh..pati rin yung parents nia ayaw sa akin...

pero..after nun,hopefully, hindi na ako magaasawa para sa mga anak ko...

[theEmpress]

What I don't get is the need to "fight" for what is yours. The moment he decided to get in bed with a slut, he already relieved you of all the rights of a wife. Why fight for something when it was already given to someone else? The most decent thing to do is to leave. Your husband made a choice, and it wasn't you. It wasn't  mistake, it's a conscious decision to violate you, the marriage, god and the promise you made to each other. How can you still live with and love a person like that? The reason men cheat is because we allow them to. The reason they physically, verbally, emotionally, financially, psychologically abuse us is because we allow them to. We give them a way out. We give them another chance. It's as if we have no self worth apart from the one he gives. Break the chain, if we want freedom from adultery and infidelity. Forgiveness doesn't mean you go back in bed with him as he stinks with the slut's scent. You can forgive and then move on. You deserve more than be someone he cheated on. Respect yourself, pray to god, forgive him, and although it was NEVER your fault hat he cheated like some here surmised, forgive yourself for what you think you did wrong. Then pack your bags, leave and don't come back. Move on and fulfill your dreams. We are not defined by our circumstances. So be brave, dark days will come but for as long as you believe you are worth it, you will survive. Cheers!

[Girltalker2]

^ thanks sis. you said it perfectly! 

However,  when it happened to me, it was just so hard to think straight.  You know it is not right, but somehow or some reason, you cannot just leave. 

It was simply hard to believe that someone who you intend to love all your life with your whole being, built your dreams with, will betray you just like that. There is this stage that the betrayed wives undergo - denial stage.  Kasi hindi pa nila matanggap.  And I remember there were moments that I would just wake up in the mornings thinking everything was just a bad dream, then I would realize hindi pala, totoo pala, tapos iyak na naman ako. Then there is the hope that things will be fine, of course, >75% of the time, things don't work out and gets worse, and it is only in the movies or if you are super lucky that things work out in your favor.

[theEmpress]

^^ I agree with you. There are stages we need to go through to completely heal. And these stages are never easy. Shock, disbelief, denial, depression, acceptance, forgiveness, moving on, starting anew. Each of these requires enormous strength and will power to move from stage to stage. It's god's grace propelling you forward. It's not you, it's all god holding you in place so you wont crumble and die of heartbreak. There is no human strength enough to withstand what you will go through. It is dark, literally dark and evil. Days of tears and heart-wrenching pain. Days when you just want to crawl in one corner and pray that You die so you won't feel the nagging pain like daggers piercing at your heart which can barely beat. Days when you feel you're going mad thinking the how's and the why's and what you did wrong to deserve what was done to you. Days when you look into your husband's face and can't remember what you loved. It isn't easy for anyone, regardless of the reason for the failure of the marriage. It isn't easy to let to of the dream.

But the point here is that the moment they stray, it's done. Unless you still want to torture yourself into believing things will get back to normal. It will never be normal because he already changed the equation. And to regain the equilibrium you first must heal, ergo, you need to go through the steps first. If you keep on allowing these conceited husbands to manipulate you into giving in, it's one vicious cycle again and again. Get off the train and heal yourself. Take care of yourself first, and the kids if you have children. Let him wallow where he is, in bed with another woman, soaking in their poisonous immoraliy. Get a new life and show him your life does not end if he's gone. It can actually start to become something better.

Someone said here that we teach others how to treat us. True! And you're not teaching them if you accept them without any consequence. What you sow you reap, the bible says. Let them pay for the wrong choices they made. Of course I'm not saying that there's no more chance to get back together, there is, but do it the right way: 1) you're healed 2) you've created a new life for yourself 3) you've set boundaries and conditions when you decide to get back together 4) you will be monitored by a counselor for guidance 5) there's genuine change and commitment from the erring husband. Otherwise he will do it again to you because he never learned the first time. Because you allowed him to have his cake and eat it too. (Though personally I don't believe there's another chance if a third pary is involved but then again, miracles do happen.)

We are strong, beautiful, unique, smart, extraordinary women and we deserve to be loved unfailingly. If love fails, we get betrayed, our marriages crumble, we also deserve to be wooed again by the same persons that just selfishly left us hanging in the cliff ready to plunge into our deaths. They have to earn their keep. Let them not demean you by just going through it like nothing happened. Now if they don't come back after you left them, then you don't deserve them. If they don't want to go through the process, then you don't deserve them. Find someone who does.  😉 Hugs to all those who are hurting, you will smile again.

[gorgeous_mommie]

lahat naman ng lalaki nambababae my reason man o wala. Ako kase niready ko na ang sarili ko sa ganyang bagay dumating man yung time na malaman ko na my other woman si mister ang gagawin ko kakausapin ko sya ng masinsinan hindi ko aawayin. Tatanungin ko kung bakit nya ginawa yun anong problema anung balak nya . Pero hindi ko hahayaang mawalan ng ama ang mga ank ko. Kakausapin ko yung kabit kaming 3 ang maguusap usap ng maaus sasabihin ko sa kabit na hindi ko hahayaang wasakin nya ang pamilya ko agawan nya ng ama ang mga anak ko .

your disposition is quiet ideal sis..pero believe me, kapag nandun kana sa sitwasyon na ganon, not an inch of your plan will be implimented.. ako dati ganyan na ganyan ang aking katwiran pero yong makita mo na with your own two eyes na meron lang sya kasabay paglalakad na ibang babae kahit ka one night stand let alone kung seryosohan pa... magdidilim talaga paningin mo!!! im sayin this to you based on my past experiences... pero oo were still together and i went thorugh all that i think 5-6yrs ago.. pero back then haayy grabe ang sakit hanggang ngayon, looking back with all of what happened nati teary eyed parin ako.. pero im much more stronger now.. advice ko lang satin mga sis who's in this situation right now or those who went through it, kaya naman to malagpasan.. depende din talaga sa atin.. pero wag nalang tayo maging indenial kasi it wont help.. tanggapin nalang ang katotohanan at gumawa way na malagpasan to.. in my case, i can say i passed all this with flying colors..ngayon im taking it slowly/easy sa hubby ko.. di na gaya noon na parang hangal ako na head over heels inlove at kandarapa sa kanya.. im still the same woman she married pero may iba narin akong mundo aside sa buhay mag asawa namin and i proved to him na di na ako ganon!! so far so good.. sana di narin maulit sakin to kasi nightmare talaga...

[Girltalker2]

^ sis tama ka, yung nabanggit ni sis imagodei082990 only happen in movies. 

sis gorgeous_mommie, good for you na nalampasan mo.  and yes, I agree it was a nightmare na parang bangungot.  for me kasi matagal nangyayari na continuous, kaya para akong araw araw na namamatayan ng mahal sa buhay. walang katumbas na hirap at torture dinanas ko. 

and yes, gaya mo, masasabi ko I am much stronger now kasi feeling ko wala na atang ibang problema na di ko kaya harapin.  and most of all, I am also over it now, never looking back and have been living happily after I left. di ko akalain, there will be life after that - a much much better life.   

 

[joinme]

^nung may nagsabi sakin na may kasama daw ang asawa ko na ibang babae nakita sila sa mall, nung una hindi ako naniwala, kasi kilala ko ang asawa ko.. mahaba pasensiya ko at hindi ako basta nagagalit ng walang dahilan..nag-usap kami tungkol dun sabi nia friend niya lang daw, so ok [textspeak!] lang..pero iba pala talaga kapag nakita ng dalawang mata mo...god! nagdilim talaga paningin ko!di ko na alam ang pakiramdam ko..hindi ako nag-eskandalo hinintay ko maka-uwi ng bahay..sakit sobra, di nako nagtiwala sa kanya sa ginawa niya..

[gorgeous_mommie]

^ sis tama ka, yung nabanggit ni sis imagodei082990 only happen in movies. 

sis gorgeous_mommie, good for you na nalampasan mo.  and yes, I agree it was a nightmare na parang bangungot.  for me kasi matagal nangyayari na continuous, kaya para akong araw araw na namamatayan ng mahal sa buhay. walang katumbas na hirap at torture dinanas ko. 

and yes, gaya mo, masasabi ko I am much stronger now kasi feeling ko wala na atang ibang problema na di ko kaya harapin.  and most of all, I am also over it now, never looking back and have been living happily after I left. di ko akalain, there will be life after that - a much much better life.   

 

Awww.. you part ways pala sis? im sorry to hear that!! anyways sakin masakit man balikan pero i will share to you some of what ive been through sana makabigay din ng idea sa ibang sisses natin dito at pagasa na after what happened meron pa naman talanag second chance na baka nga mas ok pa kasi pareho kayo ng asawa nyo na natuto na sa nangyari...
Lam mo sis, years ago hubby ko naman kasi di sya yong type na nagseseryoso ata sa girls.. pero madami as in iba iba ang nadidiscover ko!! pero once nabisto ko na yon papalipas lang sya ng panahon and balik na naman sa dating gawi iba na naman.. kahit nung nag ofw na sya ang dami nya ka chat idk kung nami meet nya yon pwedeng oo pwedeng hindi but the mere fact na nakikipag exchange sya sa mga babae na yon ng sweet messages, it gurts me alot!! dagdagan mo pa ng mother in law na super insensitive at walang pakiramdam!! super hirap ko talaga noon!!! pero sa dasal at sariling sikap narin na maging maayos ang pamilya namin ako na talaga ang nag adjust.. i came to a point pa na gusto ko nalang ibigay ang hilig nya para walang gulo.. pero nakakasira talaga ng ulo!! so i talked to him baka pwede galingan nalang nya ang pagtatago para wala akong mababalitaan.. that way mas tahimik buhay ko diba? pero God is really great.. isang araw pag gising ko nalang dininig nya prayers ko na sana magising ako isang araw na wala ng pain.. na mabawasan na pagmmahal ko sa asawa ko para di na ganon kasakit.. na sana kung di nya mababago asawa ko ako nalang ang baguhin nya!!! at nangyari lahat yon!! we came to a point na di ko narin sya kinakausap.. at di ko pinipigilan sarili ko na gawin yon huh kusang loob na wala nako interes.. kaya di ako nasasaktan na!! then si hubby parang napansin nya ata yon.. napansin nya na kung ayaw nya ko kausapin mas ayaw ko!! na kung wala sya time samin sa skype(ofw sya then) mas wala akong time.. na mas masaya nako sa ibang company kesa magbabad at mamuti mata sa kakahintay sa kanya sa online.. lahat yon na feel nya siguro at naramdaman nya wala nako interes sa kanya!! ayon sya naman ang naging available palagi,,. sya naghahanap sakin lagi panay ang text.. panay ang msg.. pero ako di na masyado atat sa kanya!! hanggang nag decide sya umuwi nalang para makasama daw kami!!! eto ngayon andito sya kasama na namin., may ups and downs parin kahit paano wala naman perfect eh.. pero i must say di nako gaya ng dati na iiyak sa isang tabi at alam nya yon!! lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya " lahat ng kaya nyang gawin, kaya ko rin x10 pa" hahahaha kaya beware!!

[Girltalker2]

^ ya sis, I left kasi hindi ko na kaya.  And I think nasa sa tao talaga yun, how much you want to bear, or if you want to stay or go.  Sakin, kinongratulate ko nalang sarili ko being able to liberate myself.  Oo dumaan din ako sa time na yun na ipilit sa sarili ko na wala akong maramdaman. 

So nung wala nakong nararamdaman for him, I just told myself, wala nang point to stay in the marriage.  Tapos wala din akong nakikitang effort on his part to make up the wrongdoings he has done. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, life would just be much more meaningful and fulfilling if I can be with someone I can love and who can love me wholeheartedly. At kung wala man, at least mas peaceful ang buhay ko at magfocus nalang ako sa sarili ko at kids ko.

Bihira ang happy marriages or ang masayang pagsasama habang buhay pero I believe it can still be done. Kaya I would rather live in this world fighting and looking for happiness, kesa be stuck with someone na sure ko na hindi ako magiging masaya - someone who I cannot trust, I cannot respect, with memories haunting me of his infidelity.   Nakaka praning, nakaka stress at nakakapagod.  Sabi nga ng friends ko, bumata nga daw itsura ko ever since I left him!  And di naman sa pagmamalaki, but most people think I am 10 years younger than my real age. hehe    Unlike dati, talagang haggard sa kakaisip at walang peace of mind. Siguro ito nanga ang tadhana na ginawa sakin ni lord. And I accept it with open arms.

[Red Rack 21]

ako ang gagawin ko  idedemanda ko yung babae  ng RA 9262 kasi inilalayo nya ang affection ng husband ko sa akin. if that is not enough at tuloy pa din sila mag file na ako ng legal separation  just in case lang magka baby sila i don't want any part of my earnings , property whatever  to be shared to the illegitimate child. parang i am not for annulment lalo na kung matigas ang mukha ng kabit para habambuhay illegal na lang ang pagsasama nila. it's just my POV

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, that was my stand before. kaya nasa purgatory naman din ako for 10+ years.  lahat kami talo. si lalaki sanay na sanay magcheat at magsinungaling.  laging deny at nakikipagpatintero. ako naman check ng check, di makatulog, laging nagbabantay.  yun babae naman, sige din ng nag sa asawa ko. 

walang peace of mind. 

I think it is up to the wife kung ano ang kaya nya, at kung kelan sya handa na magmove on.  Lahat ng experiment nagawa ko na ata how to deal with the situation and masasabi ko na walang pinakamasaya na moment kundi yung hindi ko na sila iniisip at wala nakong nararamdaman for them.  may peace of mind nako at masarap na matulog nang mag-isa.  Oo syempre inis ako pag naiisip ko yung past kasi sinira nila buhay ko na wala naman akong ginagawa sa kanila. Pero importante present at future, na masaya ka.

[lovely_carrot]

if its his first time, i'd probably forgive him. i remember this line from a movie "the vow", the mother forgave her husband for cheating on her, the daughter asked her mom why and she said "I chose to stay with him for all the things he's done right; not the one thing he's done wrong. I chose to forgive him".

but, if its recurrent cheating and the husband seems hopeless, i'd definitely move out of the house (which is what i did 4 years ago) or kick him out.

cheating is a deal breaker for me. i strongly believe in the saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. i've never been more relieved with my decision. i'm now happy with a new partner.
 

[Michipot]

I feel you ladies pero success story naman share ko..

I remember going back in this thread tsaka yung other Kabit thread kasi it was May 2012 when the nightmare started... nijoke ko nga hubby ko, Happy Death Anniv..   kasi he made a CHOICE na patayin na ang kanilang relationship. 

Sa tingin ko kaya nagwork out ang relationship namin kasi both of us wanted to save our marriage. Nanligaw ulit sya..

First step.. pray... give yourself time to heal first.. the Holy Spirit will enlighten you.

We acknowledged our weaknesses and deliberately improved our own selves.  In men, we need to help them nga lang... they have a weak emotional foundation.. that's our strength naman. they need constant encouragement and recognition.. we seldom see them talk about their marital problems sa friends/family nila.. kaya COMMUNICATION is the key.  We now say IloveYou’s to each other every day.

We need to be the "mistress" sabi nga ng mga sis natin dito.. magpaganda, magpakita ng mga bagong talent, appreciate them, be charming, and maging  fascinating wifey and hot momma material and have your own income/job! It will make u feel confident.   mahirap TALAGA pero carry yan.. God gave us the emotional strength to overcome the negative thoughts and feelings.
Sabi nga.. we have to continue to learn new things from each other kahit kasal na.. the problem daw kasi kaya marriage break, we stopped learning when we got married (in which we are guilty of).. yung "dating/ligaw" days are Elementary.. engaged days are High School.. so nasa College pa lang tayo and going for PH.D!

Here are some of what we did:
1. I Talked to my friends and family about it, nakakagaan ng loob and you know u have a support group.

2. We watched the movie "Fireproof".

3. We attended The Feast by Bo Sanchez' Sunday mass and service at PICC (try nyo).  It's a catholic service

4. We attended M.E. and it helped us especially when the ME shepherd couples are there to guide us even after the ME seminar and and we learned from their experiences.

5. Binalikan namin mga good old times, date places and also looked at old pictures.

You and your husband should KEEP an open mind.  If sarado sya, hindi magwowork, pero give him time and sindakin nyo para magising   SININDAK ko kasi sya

SEX was better too   The best part of our healing was.. we had a RENEWAL of Marriage Vows Simple Intimate wedding with family lang and few close married friends, officiated by a priest.  It was fun planning it kasi it's the way u wanted it to be and mas feel mo yung vows, yung sermon, the songs.. haay..

Also.. we are now back to writing LOVE LETTERS!  mas maganda na sa inyo sila kiligin kesa sa ibang girls..

[our_precious_gift]

Mga sis di ko sure kung dito sa topic kona to nabasa pero medyo related din. Hinahahanao ko kase yung topic a may nagpost about sa dad niya na nagkaanak sa iba pero tinago ng mom niya sa kanilang magkakapatid for so long about sa anak ng tatay niya sa labas. Bka meron makakapagbigay sakin ng topic about don. Nag browse na kase medyo hirap hanapin.

Sensya na mga sia medyo out of topic ata

[kirsten10]

pag nalaman ko pa ulit na meron na naman? the end na, i promised myself na final chance na talaga nya to. 3x na nya yang ginawa, the last time he cheated was when i was pregnant. i just want to give him a chance to prove to us that he can be a good father and husband this time. (this is my first ever post in girl talk, ansakit pala to write your own experiences). we waited for the baby for ten years, had to undergo fertility treatments, tapos ganun ang nangyari. a month before i gave birth, nalaman ko na may kabitch sya. malapit na mag one year old si baby now. one year na rin ako wala sarili dahil sa sakit. nag eeffort naman sya para makabawi, natutuwa ako but i dont have high hopes for him. i have put a cap and stopped investing emotions at him para pag umulit, mas madali na to let go.

[lisse]

I thank God na never naging issue between us yung fidelity or third party. Pero syempre, that doesn't mean na it is impossible. It is possible, it's just a matter of whether he doesn't love me that much to actually go through with it. Pag nalaman and na-confirm ko na may kabit siya? Pwes, I won't get mad (slight siguro) I also won't get even (yoko nga makipagrelasyon ng hindi pa kami annulled) I will get everything hahaha (parang sa movie lang eh). And if may kids na kami, I will also sue the querida for child support. Because she doesn't only cheated me out of my husband, but she also cheated our kids of their dad and his whole support so she should pay up! I will get everything danyos perwisyos. She can keep my husband, but I will keep the rest. I know that you cannot put an amount on the damages that their cheating will do, but at least I can use the resources that I will get in beatifying myself, spa, relaxing, taking trips with the kids, making sure they have the best healthcare and schools. Making sure they live in a very good house.
Of course I still hope and pray that that day will never come.