Horror Guests

[twelvth_goddess]

May post here about gift expectations and I would just like to say something about it. I think it is common courtesy for people to bring a gift. Hinde kelangan na sobrang mahal or bongga or monetary. What?s tacky is if the host expects something fancy from guests to compensate for their expenses because wala naman nag require na mag celebrate ng beyond their means para maningil sila sa guests nila. While it?s true that we throw parties to celebrate the moment and the person and to bring our friends and family together, bringing something for the celebrant is just proper etiquette. Hinde yung pupunta ka lang sa party para kumain. When you get invited to a dinner party nga, you bring something for the host like wine or dessert or flowers. Sa celebrants pa kaya. Common courtesy lang yan.

[lalee888]

May post here about gift expectations and I would just like to say something about it. I think it is common courtesy for people to bring a gift. Hinde kelangan na sobrang mahal or bongga or monetary. What?s tacky is if the host expects something fancy from guests to compensate for their expenses because wala naman nag require na mag celebrate ng beyond their means para maningil sila sa guests nila. While it?s true that we throw parties to celebrate the moment and the person and to bring our friends and family together, bringing something for the celebrant is just proper etiquette. Hinde yung pupunta ka lang sa party para kumain. When you get invited to a dinner party nga, you bring something for the host like wine or dessert or flowers. Sa celebrants pa kaya. Common courtesy lang yan.

Actually you are right. It is a courtesy to bring a gift, that courtesy is on the part of the guest. What i said was tacky was for a host to EXPECT a gift. So naginvite lang ang host with the expectation to bring a gift? Don't think that's courtesy.

The idea of bringing wine or cheese or a dessert to a party is to bring something to share, because the host cannot possibly provide an extensive selection of wines/drinks to serve or have the thought to provide extensive selection of desserts. So the usual practice is to come "bring your drink of choice" or "a dessert to share" that's the root of that idea.

I will leave this here:

From the perspective of a host, a gift is appreciated but not demanded (expected). From the perspective of a guest, to bring something, any token is courteous.

Don't think the idea of common courtesy was ever questioned. It's the idea of expectations that was such a turn off.

[twelvth_goddess]

^I agree and that?s what I said.

[kvandenhaak]

Eto ang minsan kulang sa ibang pinoy etiquette/respect lagi feeling close or ok lang kasi relatives naman ang may pa party.

Mga Pinoy usually kulang sa etiquette, nasa culture na natin talaga yan. Example, when attending church activities or meetings, my Canadian friends and family have already arranged something for the kids para hindi maggugulo. Pag mga Pinoy, kasama ang mga anak tapos hindi sinasaway. Yung ex-friend ko, nadi-delay ang gagawin kasi pinapakain pa yung anak that is already more than old enough to feed herself. Sinusubuan pa. Nakakumay pakinggan that she still baby talks to her na siguro 8 years old na that time.

[Shadow Angel]

^pure pinoy ba ang bata? Pansin ko rin ang ganyan I have 2 nephews na 8yrs old and 6yrs old na sinusubuan pa ng yaya nakakaloka.
Hindi namin pinapakialaman kasi anak naman nila un. Kaya that time na nasa pinas ako hindi ko hinihiram kasi masyadong alagain.

Kapag half pinoy medyo hindi na ganyan masyadong binbaby lalo kung dito lumaki kasi big no sa mga canadian na di independent ang mga bata sa pagkain. Like my LO from the day na natuto sya kumain sya na mag isa nagsusubo sa sarili ny except lang pag purees or soup.

 

[lalee888]

On kids and yayas, and on kids behaviors - i was actually pondering this a bit because i've not directly experienced this and also my hubby and i are planning to try for a baby next year. Mot of my friends are also following suit (getting married soon and/or trying for a baby).

I get it -- another child's behavior is not always easy to address and I would also tread especially carefully when it comes to other people's children (as it has some sort of implications on their parenting style/skill).

I've not experienced kids who are guests and somehow rummage through our things/pantry without permission. My initial reaction is I don't think I'd have friends who'd allow their kids to behave that way and if I do, i won't invite them over na lang! HAHA. Kidding aside, I honestly think i'll control what i can and leave what i can't. Control: don't make goodies accessible to kids or lock the kitchen if necessary. And if it's close friends, I'll probably find a way to casually (non-confrontational) ask about the behavior like:
To the kids: are you hungry? just ask auntie/uncle if you are and we can make you food or snacks so you don't have to dig through the pantry and hurt yourself with the cutlery.
To the parent: do you think they can snack and have room for dinner? do they have allergies i should know of? are the kids still hungry - i can run to the grocery quickly to get more snacks.

*shrug* just wondering out loud. mahirap nga yan.

[kvandenhaak]

^^Pure Pinoy...lol! My son is half and when he was very young I tend to spoil him too but my Canadian family would tell me to let him be independent and learn by himself. Tapos nakikita ko sa white friends ko how they raise their kids. So, very early talaga sa sarili na nyang room natutulog. Tapos maaga natuto kumain ng walang nagsusubo. When he is with his cousins' house for sleepover or camping, he has to take care of himself, pati paghuhugas ng pinggan ginagawa nya...lol! But he is 13 now so, dapat lang mas marami na syang alam. Eh sa bahay, taga-empty ko lang sya ng dishwasher. Mga Pinoy friends ko, ang lalaki na sa room ng parents natutulog. Pano kako  kaya ang sexy time? LOL!

[TysLolakins]

I don't think it has anything to do with being pure or unpure pinoy, it's more to do with the way the kids are used to and that starts from the home environment.  co-sleeping was not practiced and not encouraged so our kids learned to sleep in there own beds in their own rooms.  one luxury I had was as soon as they started kindergarten,  both got up on their own in the morning, make their beds, take a shower, get dressed, go downstairs for breakfast with still time to spare before I take them to school.  as for breakfast,  this is the Pinoy in us,  everyday from kindergarten to high school, I cooked Pinoy  breakfast for them of rice, eggs and meat,  cereal is not good enough for me.  I don't think that's spoiling them.   kids need to be taught early on to do basic things on their own.


if I see other parents doing this and that with their kids that are different than what I do with my own kids,  I don't think their way is better or worse than mine, it's just in general family dynamics is different for each family. 


hubs and I just feel lucky that our kids chose to listen and learn from us, lol.  to be honest, I will not know how to handle them if my kids chose to be  difficult, defiant, hard-headed.  so when people compliment us for having the type of kids we have,  we actually say it was them who made parenting easy for us.  books about child rearing are good as a reference and should not be used as the be-all-and-end-all to rear a child.  learn also from your child, what works for them,  what brings out the best from them, with the ultimate goal of making them productive members of society when they become adults themselves.


as for rowdy kids at my house during parties, I've not experienced any of the things mentioned like being destructive, helping themselves from the pantry/ fridge or wandering to private quarters.  I made my own kids in charge of the other kids to keep them in line and not make me the bad guy lol.  so my kids used to tell the other kids 'their house their rules' so for the most part the other kids went along.  having to deal with other people's kids is tricky.  I don't intervene unless  the child is doing something harmful to himself or to other people around him.

[kvandenhaak]

^It has nothing to do with the genes but the culture as I have previously implied. Let's face it, we Pinoy moms tend to spoil our children. Saan ka nakakita, ang tatanda na me yaya pa rin. I knew I had the tendency. Luckily, meron akong akong comparison being with both culture. I chose to raise him with a little bit of Canadian style parenting.

[kvandenhaak]

^Somebody just asked me if the kid I was referring to was pure Pinoy. I just answered, didn't come from my mouth implying genetics.

No problem.

[lalee888]

I am facing the issue of un-invited guests at the moment, for our upcoming wedding. Overall, the only way to deal that I can think of is to keep your composure and be a gracious host always, even if you have horror guests. Prevention is key, and if prevention STILL does not work, then a diplomatic approach will be taken at the time of occurrence.

For our wedding (and this will apply to children's parties and all parties too) we made our invitation as explicitly clear as possible, we posted a FAQ in our website, addressing plus ones and kids and nannies. We talked about limited capacity of our venue, how we want an adults-only party, and how plus ones are ABSOLUTE no-nos. We stated that we are keeping our guest list on track and we are not able to accommodate additional guests.

BUT --- our Filipino guests (based in the Philippines) are the ONLY ones who had the gall to STILL ask me on the side if they can bring a plus one (bf/gf) to our wedding. Depending on who I'm talking to, I told them all bluntly no as we want our wedding intimate and we are keeping our guest list on track nga.

I have no problems saying no and being up front. That's a problem with some pinoys -- hiya... don't know how to say yes/no. ang sagot "baka po" or "pwede naman siguro" which are just vague things that beat around the bush.

If anyone shows up at our wedding uninvited, ill share how we end up handling it hehe

[TysLolakins]

I totally agree with everything you said:
 - adults only
       my own kids were young once and now I have a grand son,  the only times they attended a wedding were when they?re part of the entourage, otherwise they stay home.  if they are in the wedding, God forbid if I let them run around that will ruin the ceremony or distract attention from the bride and groom even during the reception   I?m sure I?m in the minority here,  yes kids are cute and everything, but there?s nothing there to amuse them,  they run around the dance floor, they get in the way, they get stepped on, etc. I for one like to have an adult only atmosphere once in a while.
 - strict RSVP and number of guests
        you are perfectly fine being firm with the number of invited guests.  it may hurt some feelings when you say no but they?ll get over it.  plus you don?t live there, it?s not like you?ll see them again after that, hahahahaha.   I don?t believe too in hiya hiya just to appear nice,  it just creates too many problems in the long run.
       

[Shadow Angel]

Sorry if anyone offended about "pure pinoy" words/terms that I used. I'm not referring about kids behavior but pinoy parents.  Karamihan naman talaga sa atin gusto natin alagang-alaga ang anak i'm not saying na di inaalagaan ng ibang lahi mga anak nila magkaiba lang ng way nagpapalaki. Kahit naman ako minsan gustong gusto ko na binebaby ang anak ko pero si hubby big no sa kanya un hindi independent ang bata.
Kaya tinatanong ko if "pure pinoy" ang bata meaning ang parents nya most likely pinoy way ang pagpapalaki there's nothing wrong with that naman. Although may iba na rin na modern pagpapalaki sa kids nila.

[sparklingjewel]

I would love to put in their place those people asking me to add additional seats for their +1's or +2's! Because seriously it's time Filipinos learned to appreciate being invited to an event and fed (even if most of them not bring gifts as common courtesy) instead of thinking selfishly of themselves and wanting to have their desired companion with them for the night. Sometimes kasi guests think more of themselves than the celebrant eh. Of course, should it really matter all that much to them they can opt to not go naman. Haha!

But in my case i am not the celebrant and i can only hope the celebrant has the balls to do it herself.

[lalee888]

^ hihih it's actually amusing to watch/hear them fumble as they all ask me to bring their plus ones. I put in a criteria (no ring, no invite) for partners. So engaged and married partners are allowed. Someone asked me about a gay friend's partner with a judge-y tone. Little did she know I privately extended an invitation to that friend's partner explaining how I understood the circumstances (gay marriage is not allowed in the philippines) and that the gay partner is actually invited.

The friend who questioned me had nothing more to say, but I was really annoyed because at the end of the day, it's my wedding, my party, and i can invite whoever I want and not want. Why would anyone have the gall to question that and insist their plus ones be invited? I would never FORCE myself onto an event where my presence was not wanted in the first place. Shame!

I've been very diplomatic and everyone has accepted my words naman so it didn't have to come to any preachy words from me yet.. hehe... I did have strict instructions to my coordination team though that absolutely no plus ones are to be let in. They can cry and sulk all they want but if their name is not on the list, they will not be let in.

Apologies this swerved slightly off topic because this thread is under kiddie parties so the horror guests are really more on that.. so going back on topic naman, for party crashers (uninvited guests and plussses) if PREVENTION fails, then enforcement is key. It can be tricky to remain graceful so learn lessons to for next time. If you have a house that is NOT THAT private (neighbors can just wander by), then maybe best to have a party elsewhere, for example?

Also the problem of party crashers is a universal problem, not just for Filipinos. Some people just have no tact and decorum.

[kvandenhaak]

Sorry if anyone offended about "pure pinoy" words/terms that I used. I'm not referring about kids behavior but pinoy parents.  Karamihan naman talaga sa atin gusto natin alagang-alaga ang anak i'm not saying na di inaalagaan ng ibang lahi mga anak nila magkaiba lang ng way nagpapalaki. Kahit naman ako minsan gustong gusto ko na binebaby ang anak ko pero si hubby big no sa kanya un hindi independent ang bata.
Kaya tinatanong ko if "pure pinoy" ang bata meaning ang parents nya most likely pinoy way ang pagpapalaki there's nothing wrong with that naman. Although may iba na rin na modern pagpapalaki sa kids nila.

No worries, I am not offended. Naitindihan ko ang ibig mong sabihin. Of course, there will be exception to the rules pero most often than not, if the parents are born and raised in the Philippines then Pinoy style of parenting yan. Anyways, ang mga Pinoy friends ko hindi naman rude ang mga anak. Marurunong pa nga magmano. Pero over protective pa rin and tend to spoil the kids. Etong ex-friend ko, makulit yung anak tapos di mo pwedeng pagsabihan because she will be offended. Ang tingin nya sa anak nya ay anghel na anghel. One time, gusto sumama sa aming mag-ina sa park so sabi ko lang it's okay basta lang kako makikinig sa akin. The mother's facial expression showed she didn't like it. Aba, I will be responsible for her daughter kung me mangyari dun while on my care. Eh kung ano magustuhan kelangan masunod. Kung ayaw nya masabihan anak nya then tell her to stop bugging other people that's minding their own business. Ang parents ang problema  eh, hindi naman yung mga bata. Nadamay lang sya being included in my horror guest list. Well, actually persona non grata na silang mag-ina sa place ko...lol!

[Ablondie]

Nung 1st birthday ng anak ko, we had a tight budget so we decided sa Jollibee na lang para mura-mura and less hassle sa preps. It was sponsored by the MIL.

We made a list of guests and calculated around 70-80 pax. So nag pareserve kami sa Jollibee ng good for 50pax. Nagalit si MIL kasi sobra dami daw eh considering hindi naman daw lahat uma-attend based on her experience.

Ginawa namin binawasan namin from 50 down to 40 pax. Deadma na samin si MIL. As in hindi na kami pinansin after masettle na yung party. Gusto kasi nya mag reserve lang kami good for 30. Eh ang samin naman 70-80 ang invited guests. Tama lang siguro na 40 at least half man lang. We know pwede naman mag additional orders pero just to be safe. Pwede naman i uwi kung sumobra di, ba?

Then came the party. Dalawa lang umattend sa side ng husband ko, AS IN. At etong mga to hindi pa ka close ng MIL ko. Feeling ko, sinadya nila at kakuncha ni MIL yung mga relatives sa side ni hubby na huwag umattend ng party to teach us a lesson.

Nakakasama ng loob sobra. Pati yung mga expected mo pupunta hindi rin dumating. Ang onti-onti lang talaga ng guests namin. Feel ko wala silang care sa anak ko at nagawa nila hindi magsipuntahan. No show na nga, no call or text pa.

Somehow thankful na rin ako at may mga gatecrashers na nakapunta. Meron kami inivite na kapitbahay, family of 3 pero sinama ang lola at yaya. Then another guest na 2 bata lang ang invited pero sinama mga pinsan at mga nanay. So ayun the 40 pax na pinareserve namin eh eksakto lang talaga. May sobra pa mga 5 spaghetti kasi yung iba guests mahina kumain. We ordered kasi chiken + rice + spag para sa adults. Hindi na nila kinuha yung spaghetti. Nag add rin kami ng loot bags kasi ibang adults gusto yung mga included sa loot bags.

Inisip ko nga rin baka out of the way  yung lugar or mahirap mag commute kaya hindi sila nakapunta. Sa Jollibee BGC kasi pinili namin malapit sa St. Lukes.

Pero bakit naman yung mga gate crashers naka punta, pero sila na mas gusto mo talaga nandun para sa milestone ng anak mo eh waley?

Now, party planning mode na naman ako for the upcoming bday ng anak ko. Isip-isip na naman sino iinvite. Siguro invite ko pa rin sila out of courtesy pero never na ako mag expect na aattend lahat. And we sure learned our lesson. So this time half lang din sa total number of guests ang papa reserve ko na food then order na lang ng extra kung kumulang.

[mysterioza_me]

^Magpa-RSVP ka kaya sis para atleast confirmed ang guests na pupunta or hindi. Sabihin mo a must yun kasi papalitan sila ng ibang willing pumunta just in case di sila pwede. Now just in case na may magconfirmed na pupunta tapos waley sa party at walang valid reason bakit di nakapunta so alam mo na sa susunod, automatic na x-out na siya sa next party.

[Ablondie]

^Naku sis hindi yata alam ng mga tao ang ibig sabihin ng RSVP. Kaya nakakainis talaga yung mga nagconfirm pero wala pasabi bat hindi nakarating. Syempre kung sino yung nag confirm sila yung expect mo na pupunta, diba? And worst kamag-anak nyo pa so impossible na hindi iinvite sa mga susunod na party. 

[mysterioza_me]

^Yun lang. Pero sa akin maski kamag-anak ko pa yan di na yan makakaulit sa akin. Sayang ang headcount, aside from the fact na binayaran mo na yung plate niya sana napalitan mo siya ng willing umattend.